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Terry Pratchett is very quotable. This page is under construction and mostly stolen from the Pratchett Quote File.

City Watch

Lancre Witches

Equal Rites

If broomsticks were cars, this one would be a split-window Morris Minor.

"While I'm still confused and uncertain, it's on a much higher plane, d'you see, and at least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe."

Treatle nodded. "I hadn't looked at it like that," he said, "But you're absolutely right. He's really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance."

—Discworld scientists at work

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.

—Discworld scientists at work

They may have been ugly. They may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair.

"They say there's dwarf mines under the Ramtops," she said inconsequentially. "My, but them little buggers is in for a surprise."

—Granny reflects on Esk's methods of lighting a fire.

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Wyrd Sisters

As the cauldron bubbled, an eldritch voice shrieked, "When shall we three meet again?"
Another voice said, in far more ordinary tones, "Well, I can do next Tuesday."

The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

"'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself." Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.

The other Witches books

Wizards

Death and Company

Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men

Moist von Lipwig

Other

Games

"As far as leaders go, the only reason I'd follow him into battle, is out of curiosity."

"A swamp dragon if i'm not mistaken. I though these things were filled with explosive gas, (the carcass explodes) oh right!

Rincewind Excuse me sir. Could you get me a tome called 'featherwinkle's concise compedium of dragons' lairs'?
Librarian ook ook eek ook.
(both engage in a conversation of ape talk)
Rincewind Well nevermind I'll come back later.
Librarian ook eek ook?
Rincewind Yes i've gibbon up. no monkey, ape ... oh damn! (the librarian hits him over the head)

"Ugh It's horrible... hang on it's me! rather chap ain't he?

Back to Discworld

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 == Other ==
-=== ''[[Pyramids]]'' ===
+* [[Pyramids/Quotes|''Pyramids''/Quotes]]
-{{quote|What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"}}
-{{quote|All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.}}
-{{quote|The Ephebians made wine out of anything they could put in a bucket, and ate anything that couldn't climb out of one.}}
-{{quote|Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric drills.}}
-{{quote|There was not a lot that could be done to make [[Wretched Hive|Morpork]] a worse place. A direct hit by a meteorite, for example, would count as gentrification.}}
-=== The other standalone books ===
 * [[Moving Pictures/Quotes|''Moving Pictures''/Quotes]]
 * [[Small Gods/Quotes|''Small Gods''/Quotes]]