"'I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. --As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross."
"Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty.
"Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice."
—Cordelia and Xander
"'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?'" Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?"
"So, mark 'none of the above'."
"Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above'. That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world."
—Xander and Buffy
"I'm kinda curious to find out what sort of career I could have."
"What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
"You're not gonna be young forever."
Xander: When you look at me, do you think 'prison guard'? (Willow and Buffy giggle) Buffy: Um, crossing guard, maybe, but prison guard? Xander: They just put up the assignments for the career fair, and according to my test results I can look forward to being gainfully employed in the growing field of corrections. Buffy: Well, at least you'll be on the right side of the bars. Xander: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Laugh now, missy, they assigned you to the booth for law enforcement professionals. Buffy: (stunned) As in police? Xander: As in polyester, doughnuts and brutality. Willow: But, doughnuts!
"Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together like chicken and... another chicken, or... two chickens, or... something, you know what I'm saying! The point is, no one blinks an eye if you want to spend all your days with books. What am I supposed to do? Carve stakes for a nursery?"
"You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?"
"That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind."
"Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag."
"I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way."
