Shadowjack Watches Sailor Moon/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Given the sheer amount of hilarity Shadowjack produces, singling out the Crowning Moments isn't easy...

Non-Episodic Posts

  • Shadowjack: You realize, of course, that I'm actually leeching the soul energy from everyone in this thread to feed my Dark Master. "Otaku are a powerful source of energy."
  • Shadowjack (regarding the SNES RPG): Because there's nothing that says "Sailor Moon" so much as grinding mobs.

Usagi: Right, how many is that, Ami? Ami?
Ami: …What? Sorry, I fell asleep.
Usagi: You can cast Bubble Spray in your sleep?
Ami (yawns): Apparently. Where's Rei?
Rei: Walking in circles and casting Fire Soul on automatic.
Ami: Wake me when we reach level 40.

  • ru (about the speeches): for some reason, it always cracks me up when Usagi does a long-ass into <sic>, and then the others just pop up with "likewise!" that, and the fact that i always hear Sailor Moon as "Sailor Mooo"
  • Shadowjack (regarding episode 19): It occurs to me that Nephrite's lucky that happened, though. What if half the class had disobeyed orders and showed up?

Random Girl 1: I'm Sailor Moon!
Random Girl 2: No, I'm Sailor Moon!
Random Girl 3: I'm Sailor Moon and so's my boyfriend!

  • Shadowjack: "Kenny provided much energy for the Dark Kingdom! And he's a renewable energy source!"
  • JohnBiles, in response to a scene in episode 21:

Ami: Picard never hit me!
Nephrite: ...

  • Shadowjack's response to a response to episode 21, featuring: "Yowza!"
    • Cruton's response to Shadowjack, featuring: "Beryl, darling, we are going about this invasion all wrong! How <sic> you met the Japanese?"
      • Shadowjack's response to that:

Luna (with shotgun): Okay, Nephrite, you're going to make an honest woman out of her.
Nephrite: !

Luna: Usagi, try the Crescent Wand!
Usagi (picks up Wand and waves it around): Drat. I can't sense anything. Must be interference.
Ami (picks up Ryo and waves him around): How about you, dear?

  • The Fireballed Mage (regarding one of the photos in episode 27): Damn right. That look is the last thing you remember before you wake upon satin sheets, tied spread eagle with a lit cigarette in your mouth, while nearby, a very confused donkey looks at you reproachfully.
  • Just before episode 29, Evil Midnight Lurker misreads the Transformation Sequence counter.
  • Shadowjack: I did know about the Rei-Rei connection, which is why it was a terrible temptation to draw Rei in bandages and blankly staring for those recaps.
  • The Fireballed Mage (regarding a negative opinion of "Ami's First Love"): I will pull myself over broken glass with my lips to fight you over this opinion, good sir.
  • Episode 31 outtake:

Ami: Are you even sure that's even a real cat?
Rhett Butler: ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT A REAL CAT?!
Makoto: Oh, calm down, we're just joking. Tomato? (offers him one.)
Rhett Butler: (turns blue with rage, launches off like a rocket.)
Ami: ?!
Makoto: What's the matter? (eats tomato.)
Ami: This is getting too strange by far. Where's Usagi?
Makoto: (points.)
Usagi: (flies by, using her pigtails for lift.) Hey, Ami. Want to borrow them? (takes her pigtails off and offers them to Ami.)

Ami: (wakes up.)
Ami: …

Ami: I'm trying but she's not making it easy.

  • Peter Svensson: There is a LOT of Sailormoon fanfic. My favorite being the one where Usagi gets stuck in a comma. Well, that's not what the writer meant, but the imagery of Usagi being in a punctuation mark can never escape my mind.
  • Shadowjack's GAMING ANECDOTE FROM YE OLDEN DAYS.
  • Tinkerbell's response to episode 44, mostly because, well...

No-Brand Hero: Thanks for quoting the entire thing for that. <insert wth-smiley here>

  • Evil Midnight Lurker's response to episode 44.
  • Shadowjack, on desynchronous reincarnation: "Right! Now to find my minions. Oh, damn. He died three hundred years ago, and she won't be born for another two hundred. Um."
  • The conversation about Beryl and rope-climbing.
  • Thread 2, post 522.
  • Evil Midnight Lurker (after S1 epilogue): Tragically, we never see how badly Ami freaks out when she realizes she's been left back...
  • Gargoylewing's Motivational Posters.
  • This post.
  • Tiara del Fuego.
  • Spam-bots.
  • Radio Free Ruritania: Also, I just realised that I have two co-workers with upwards-pointing anime noses. One a short lady with sensible short hair and one a giant with a pony tail and a couple of locks hanging down her cheeks. :eek: Thankfully for the sake of my fragile sanity it is the taller of the two who is called Amy.
  • knightsky confesses as to how s/he finds the thread.
  • The Awkward Zombie digression.
  • Cruton: They fell into a game plan pretty quickly, so I think it's safe to assume A&E has done this whole "planet vampirism" thing before. Which may also be their motivation for acting so picky -- once you spend a few decades killing the Planet of Orange Starfish Who Go Spoo by hand, you'd rather have a bit of luxury in your life.
  • Oh, No-Brand Hero, how we love thee...
    • Oh dear, I love you too!
  • Drunken Makoto and Ami, taking potshots.
    • Phigment (related to above, vaguely): I'm not sure their relationship has reached the "tying each other up" stage.
  • Cruton: Damnit, where's that flow chart--?
  • Jhiday: Megumi Ogata gets yet another cameo, voicing the taller of the two bullies here. Which means that Mie is bullied by Shinji --ing Ikari. Er, yeah. Maybe the smackdown laid by Minako here could explain a lot of his issues...
  • The Fireballed Mage comments on Beware the Nice Ones.
  • Also The Fireballed Mage: With that expression you can't tell if she's being normal Rei and thinking, "......" or else, "For this insult, I will kill you, your family, your pets, and everyone you ever talked to on a Tuesday."
  • Sailor Moon has been subbed in Klingon.
  • Blazing Bat brings us a series of screenshots from episode 55:

Ami (nonverbal): Oh dear, sweet, merciful gods, my poor, useless shoulder!

  • Shadowjack, on the subject of Makoto's new attack (during "Doomtree" arc):

I did think of writing in a scene afterwards where she summons the lightning dragon to go for a ride, alá The Neverending Story. But the dialogue would basically have been:
Makoto: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

  • From the "Mostly Makoto" sketchdump:

Usagi: Maybe she doesn't "like" girls.
Ami: Oh, come on, what are the odds of that?

Evil Midnight Lurker: I am now officially worried about Bailesu-sama. :eek:
Shadowjack: Yeah. :eek:

Still Shadowjack: Hey, Mr. Biles! You having lag issues, or you just waiting for someone to jestingly tell you you're full of it?

Still Shadowjack: Because you are! You totally are! As full of it as you like! Okay? :P

Still Shadowjack: Wow. Hectuple post. Is that a local record? I've only ever doubled.

  • Cruton: I think this was the notion behind the "Princess" homebrew project at work up in TTO. The nWOD magical girl stand-ins could draw splat points by getting involved with people to make their lives better and then using that to power for, well, whatever they felt like, basically. It was pretty much a nicer, fluffier, simpler take on Forsaken. I'm... not sure where the design of the game stands now. Last time I glanced in that thread, there was a running debate about whether or not the Dark Kingdom was a dyson sphere.
  • Shadowjack: It suddenly occurs to me that Luna may have "lost" the wand intentionally.
  • The Dungeon Keeper Ami digression, culminating in:

Cruton: Wow. Fantastic. That's just an acre of mental images I wasn't looking for tonight.

Usagi: At last my sweet!
Mamoru: At last! And now—
Naoko Takeuchi, coming off of a harsh break-up: Fuuuuck youuuuuuuuu!!! (blam blam blam blam blam)

Ami: I'M FINE. I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP. HAHAHAHAHA!

Davies: ... you really must permit me to be cut to pieces on your behalf sometime.
Shadowjack: That is perhaps the most interesting compliment I have ever received.

Series General


Sailor Moon

Luna: [Extends claws] Now then. Let us get some things perfectly clear about our relationship.
Luna: I AM YOUR CAT. I FUCKIN' OWN YOU.
Luna: When I say your job is to fight demons, I expect you to hop to it! And if you don't, it's the CLAW for you!
Luna: IS. THAT. UNDERSTOOD?
Usagi: Eep! YES, MISTRESS!
Luna: [purrs] Good. Now let's go save your teacher from herself.

Beryl: Jadeite, new plan?
Jadeite: I have a magic iguana.

Usagi, to Amade: Let the cat drive! Let the cat drive!

Shingo: I remember I kicked open the door once because I thought they were killing the cat.
Usagi: [laughing] I was so angry that time.
Anonymous cat, face blurred out: The singing was bad enough, but it was the choreography that killed them.

    • Also Episode 7 (at Naru's house): "A bizarre scene ensues in which Naru secretly invites Umino over to her place and convinces him to dress in drag and play Usagi's part in the act, by implying that this will improve his romantic chances because Usagi is into this sort of thing. I really can't make this any stranger than it already is."
      • Later, at school:

Naru (blushes): Er… Umino, you don't have to do that off stage.

    • Know what? Just Episode 7.
  • Episode 8: Umino's materialization.
    • Ami's reaction to pre-reveal cram school youma.
    • Usagi: "…This is my life. My cat knows more than I do about everything."
  • Episode 9:

Mom: …so then I went shopping with Naru and Umino's mothers—
Usagi: Umino has parents?
Mom: I'm as surprised as you are, dear.

Shadowjack: Hey, Rei, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Rei: No. ¿Have you?
Luna: [Face Palm]

    • Followed by the next two segments, one of which contains an instance of actual dialogue.
    • Actually, most of the episode.
  • Episode 11: Everything after "A New Dream."
    • A NEW DREAM: A pleasant field and forest.

Luna: Be careful, guys! It's another illusion!
Rei: Don't worry, we're alert this time.
Usagi: Yeah, we're not going to fall for any stupid tricks!
[Enter Tuxedo Mask.]
Usagi: See? Obvious trap.
[—riding a horse.]
Rei: …but it might not be.
[—riding a unicorn.]
[Usagi and Rei run off to play with Tuxedo Mask for ever and ever.]
Luna [facepalm.]

USAGI BREAKS THE SOUND BARRIER getting to the mall.
[…and loses the raffle. Repeatedly.]
Rei [just happens by, and listens to Usagi's explanation.] ¡Ha! ¿You really want this silly prize? I, of course, haven't any such interest in such childish things.
Rei [pushes her way up to the raffle machine.]
Rei: ¡HEAR ME O SPIRITS!
Rei [draws.]
Rei wins!
Rei: :D :D :D
Usagi: You are such a hypocrite.

Ami: I'm sorry, Mars, but I do not want to be covered in flaming jet fuel before I'm eighteen. There's a blast radius on those things, you know.

  • First Recap: (regarding Rei) "Finally, I have been portraying her as Latina for absolutely no good reason at ALL."
  • Episode 14:

O HORRORS!
The fucking scariest bit of animation in the series to date. All seems to turn blood red, light and shadow twist inward upon each other. Rui screams in pain, her face a contorted mask of pain, her eyes roll up, and she collapses in a twitching heap. The dark energy swirling from her racket begins to coalesce, and then, terrifyingly, assumes the suggestion of a human form… and then abruptly is one.

Pause.

Usagi: What the fuck is the point of making an awesome entrance like that, if you're going to ruin it by manifesting as a middle-aged retro-80s drag queen?!

  • Episode 15: Small running gag with poor Luna being in Usagi's arms during her small fit:

Luna [is still in Usagi's hands. Flail flail waaaaa-hey.]
And still later...
Luna [is still in Usagi's hands. Flail flail waaaaa-hey I feel sick]

    • Ham!Rei.
    • The entire scene in its gloriousness:

[Usagi is playing Captain Commando and getting schooled, Ami is backseat driving…]
Ami: Want to play Street Fighter II for a bit?
Usagi: I swear this will be the last quarter I drop on this machine.
[…and Rei is grilling Motoki about Mamoru.]
Motoki: …and he lives by himself in a fancy loft apartment because he's the only son of a rich family. Can I get up now?
Rei [stands on a chair.] By Crom, I vow that I, Rei, WILL take this– ¿what's his name?
Motoki: Mamoru Chiba.
Rei: ¡–Mamoru Chiba on a date! And oh such a date it will be. A date to grind all other dates into the dust. Why, I myself marvel at the sheer perfectitude of th–
Rei [discovers that the chair had a loose leg.]
Ami: What was that crash?
Usagi: Me dying. Okay, last one, I swear.
Rei: ¡My spine!

    • Ami: My friend Mister Gardener told me never to come to the park again or the squirrels would get me – no, seriously! – because 'humans are not worthy of the boons that nature provides.' I'm a little… disturbed.

A few moments later...
Corporate Flack: And see if you can do something about those carnivorous butterflies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw this cigarette butt on the grass.
[Squirrels kill the Corporate Flack.]
[Cue shocked Ami and Luna]

    • The result of Rei entering the fray.

Enter Rei!
<REI : TECH > FIRE 1 : ALL FRIENDS>>
<< Petasos Rope is destroyed! Ami is freed! >>
<< Ami is immune to fire. >>
<< Hand Flower is destroyed! Usagi is freed!>>
<< Usagi is now on fire. >>
Usagi [stop, drop, and roll.] Dammit, Mars!

  • Episode 16: the scene at the temple
    • Ami and Luna arrives at the temple only to see Grandpa chasing Rei ('Grandpa displays a remarkable aptitude for catching teenage girls'); upon catching her, he retrieved the rental wedding kimono Rei had tried to 'borrow' and this scene ensures:

Grandpa: You're not entering that shameless contest at the competition's secular wedding chapel, are you?
Rei: …No, no, of course not.
Grandpa: You're not eloping?! With this girl?!
Rei: ¿What? No. Hell, no.
Grandpa: Well, good. [changes gears.] Then she might be available…? [winks]
Ami: …
Rei [smites Grandpa.]

  • Episode 17: "And how you doin'? ;)"
    • Usagi: Wait, where was I hiding the brooch in this swimsuit?
  • Episode 19: Naru's got it really hard for Nephrite.
    • Which, of course, baffles Nephrite.

LATE, LATE THAT NIGHT: The Shinjuku stores are starting to close.
But one store suddenly opens.
Naru [walks in.] Hello?
Tuxedo Nephrite [dramatically.] HELLO!
Naru [jumps for glee.] ZOMG it is you it is you! Masato Sanjoin is Tuxedo Mask!
Nephrite: ?!?!?!
Nephrite: How'd you know it was me?
Naru: …Your voice? Your stance? Your beautiful flowing red hair? The fact that the mask doesn't really hide your lovely face all that much?
Nephrite: Obviously you're Sailor Moon in disguise! No one else could be so perceptive!
Nephrite [casts spell.] REVEAL YOURSELF, SAILOR MOON!

Nothing happens.

Nephrite: ?!
Naru: …Do you… want me to be Sailor Moon for you?

Rei [throws the ball at Usagi]
Usagi [falls down.] OW!
Ami [throws the ball at Usagi]
Usagi [falls down.] OW!
Luna [throws the ball at Usagi.]
Usagi [falls down.] OW!
Usagi: When did it become Pummel Usagi Week?

    • Ami: It's pronounced 'Shining', dear. You know, you remind me of how I was not so long ago, because you're all sad and by yourself. The best thing to do… well, okay, a good thing to do would be to become friends with Usagi. She'll cheer you right up! Or drive you slowly mad. But it's a fun ride, either way.
  • Episode 21:
    • AC Kazuko: …If you're practicing the facial expressions for the villain, you've got it down pat.
    • Soon after Hiromi announces that Sailor V will die in the last scene of the anime:

AC Hiromi: "Dude… it's just a stupid anime. So what?"
Rei: "I SENSE EVIL."
Luna: "Are you sure it's not fan-rage?"

    • Nephrite: "Most powerful monsters" my perfectly-shaped ass.
  • Episode 22: "You have been waiting, dying for the justification to say those words, haven't you?"
    • Also: "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww…"
  • Episode 23: Regarding the MacGuffin

Shadowjack as Narrator: I suppose this defenestrates the "Naru's Mom is actually Queen Beryl" theory, since why would Queen Beryl send people looking for something she already knew she had?

Shadowjack as Narrator: Unless she was just being a dick.

Shadowjack as Narrator: Which is a strong possibility.

Usagi /trips over a Yakuza.
Luna /reads that again. "Trips over a what?"

  • Episode 26: "O Lord, thou art fucking cruel."
  • Episode 27: Water.
    • Rei: ¿Can you pick up radio with that antenna?
  • Episode 28: Fate is a bitch.
    • Mamoru is reasonably certain he's "him." Usagi is absolutely positive she's not "her."
    • Usagi: Now that we're all done imagining each other naked…
    • The Mysterious Voice In The Bushes.
    • Zoisite has pronunciation issues.
    • Bubbles.
  • Episode 29: The er... dramatization... of the apartment cleaning scene.
    • Followed by an uprooted tree.
    • Shadowjack as Narrator: Incidentally, what does it say when one of the more stable relationships in the show seems to be two of the villains? But of course, you say, that's because most of the cast are teenagers! Good point. Never mind.
    • Usagi lets Makoto go.
    • I have no idea what this says: "2 SABiF LF SFoM w/GSOH!"
    • Protists.
  • Episode 30: "¡Wrong show!"
    • Usagi: Uh, guys? Are you sure that leaving me unsupervised is a good idea?
    • Usagi breaks script.
    • Yuichiro of the Jungle.
    • BACK IN THE SHRINE
    • < REI : SUMMON > SUSANO : JIJII >
    • Daifuku.
  • The first write-up for episode 31.
  • Also, the second (actual) write-up. All of it. Highlights:
    • Shame.
    • Foreplay.
    • Zoisite is Genre Savvy.
    • "A PARK AND A POND: Let as marvel at the sight of Ami dressed in coordinated colors."
    • "I admit that does make up for a lot."
    • Manhole.
    • To anyone who's actually watched the series, the conspicuous absence of a certain event in an alley. Especially since Shadowjack ships Ami/Makoto.
    • THE INEVITABLE SEWER DUNGEON
    • Confused!Ami.
    • ALL HAIL ZOISITE, QUEEN OF THE RATS!!!
  • Episode 32: Usagi displays political savvy. Followed by a Girl Genius Shout-Out.
    • Regarding stalkers:

Naru: Someone is following us.
Usagi: Oh, that's just the Tokyo Radio Tower. I made the mistake of feeding it once, and now it comes sniffing for treats every time it sees me.

Usagi: A girl's not supposed to let her hips get cold, you know!
Shadowjack: (spit-take.)

  • Episode 39: Ami makes a list.
    • Triple Sasha.
    • Ami: If you can't trust Soviet figure skaters to be themselves, who can you trust?
    • Shadowjack's descriptions are made of win:

HE! Looks like an evil vampire!
SHE! Looks like an evil robot!
TOGETHER: They skate!

Usagi: "You don't have an appointment! You'll have to wait until I finish my interview."
Kunzite: "There's not going to be any— You know what? Go ahead."
Usagi /turns to Bandana. "Okay, shoot."
Bandana: "Banban banban banban banban banban. Banban banban banban banban banban banban banban? Banban banban. Banban banban banban?"
Usagi /turns to Kunzite. "I'm all yours!"

  • Fourth recap: photo album.
  • Episode 45: USAGI'S LAST MEAL
    • Ami, blushing. Mako, oblivious.
    • "No." "What?" "No."
    • "I decree hats for everyone!"
    • "—I shall be extremely disappointed in you. Have fun."
    • "So they're eskimo valkyries."
    • If only for its name: "—Bubble HEAD!"
  • Episode 46: "And thank you for the swift if undignified transportation."
    • "¡Back to work! Sorry, girls. ¡Back! ¡Back, I say!"
    • "LUUUUNAAAAA!!!"
  • Illustrated epilogue: "Why do I have this sudden feeling of dread?
    • "Pet, I'm trying to work, and if you try to tell me again your theory that I was kidnapped by aliens, there will be consequences."
    • Return of Plumber!Mamoru.
    • Shadowjack: Yeah, I see you ignoring me, there. CATS!

Sailor Moon R

  • Episode 47: "Let's see, Usagi's late for school, so it must be… 8:12 a.m."
    • Artemis reminds us why tomcats have their... particular... reputation.

Artemis: "You know, we've known each other a long time, worked very closely—"
Luna: "—If you don't want to limp for the rest of your days, withdraw that paw, sir."

    • Ami visiting Usagi while she's standing in the hall:

Ms. Haruna: "Miss Mizuno, you are certain to come to a bad end if you become involved with Miss Tsukino."
Usagi /accidentally falls over and drenches the teacher with the bucket.
Ms. Haruna: "'ACCIDENTALLY'?"
Usagi: "You know I'm clumsy!"
Ms. Haruna /explodes.
Ami: "…I don't recognize half of those words she's using."
Usagi: "See? Hanging out with me is educational."

    • One potential problem of having a long gap between battles against evil:

Luna: "…Please tell me you didn't forget the words."
Usagi: "I KNOW THE WORDS!"
Luna: "Then say—"
Usagi: "Don't rush me! I'll say them when I'm ready!"

  • Episode 48: "Shhh."
    • "'You all meet in a tavern.'"
    • "Stuff."
    • Running on instinct when you have amnesia can produce some interesting side effects:

Rei: "¡Typical! ¡Estupida! Looks like I'll just have to— Uh, to…"
Ami: "…to shoot the monster with your imaginary index finger pistol? What are you doing, Miss Hino?"

    • Bubbles.
  • Fifth recap: Last item on Usagi's "Signature Moves" list
    • "STOP HER!"
    • "Worse? Or better?
  • Episode 49: Ami's first Face Palm of the season.
    • Oops.
    • The first half of MEANWHILE, OVER WITH THE SERIOUS PEOPLE.
      • Also, gnaw.
    • Random author pic.
    • <paraphrase> "MAKO SMASH!!!" "¡My house!" </paraphrase>
    • "My life is so strange."
    • "This is 'taking it easy'?"
    • Makoto full-chants. Usagi panics.
    • Samoflange.
    • "Mercy!"
  • Episode 50: Luna's bed is Luna's.
    • Usagi shakes down Luna.
      • Followed by:

Luna: …I have got to find a way to direct that energy towards work. Maybe if I awarded a score for each youma, and let her kiss a boy as a prize?

    • Cat Fight
    • Tsukino Kenjo loves Usagi, and he trusts her.
    • SUDDENLY TESTOSTERONE!
    • PICK A CARD, ANY CARD!
    • The "Line" segments.
    • "Oh, so that's where I get it from."
    • "Well… well… pus."
    • SUDDENLY!
    • Ami: Um…
    • "Where'd they go?"
    • tight vicious YANKS
  • Episode 51: Zip.
    • Gallop.
    • "¡Stop helping me!"
    • "DIEEEEEEEEEE!"
    • "Tree?"
    • The poem, and how Usagi ends it.
    • "Cool! It plays music."
    • "Pink."
  • Episode 52: CUE NARRATION, Doyle-style.
    • CUT TO: USAGI AT SCHOOL

Usagi: (has been nailed to a post outside the school as a warning to others.)
Usagi: I'm beginning to think that Ms. Haruna has it in for me. I wonder if Mina made it? Ah, of course she did. She's V.

CUT TO: Minako's school.
Minako: I have to hold how many buckets of water?

    • Bear.
    • "…I just can't win."
    • The last paragraph of Minako's speech.
    • Veal.
    • "Wait, infiltrating—? Are there guards at this kindergarten?! What?"
    • Strategy, seriousness and cats do not mix well.
    • "Defending your honor."
    • "…my number one fan…"
    • Today's In the Name of the Moon speech, featuring: Metaphorgotten!
    • "…You want me to throw the kids at the monster?!"
    • "For God's sake, breath, Mie!"
  • Episode 53: Let us feel some pity for Amaterasu's younger sister, who wasn't cool enough to gain the worship of an entire nation, but instead must bother babies for a couple of renegade space-elves.
    • "I think for the next one we should snort cocaine off of the babies belly's, and then drain them of their energy."
    • "Kitchens are not my friend."
    • "WHAT."
    • There is a line in this episode that will make fans of Crawlspace laugh, simply by virtue of who speaks it. Crawlspace fans will know it when they see it.
    • Manami pisses right into En's face. Twice. Also in original.
    • "Sorry! Saw opening, got excited."
    • Usagi decides to wait a minute.
  • Episode 54: Sales pitch.
  • Episode 55: "GAAAAAAAAAHHHHH."
    • Monster.
    • "Take your time."
    • Knives.
    • Very small words.
    • Ami: Don't mind me! I'm only saving someone's life over here! I don't need a transformation sequence! It's okay! Really!
    • Mako snaps.
    • "Whoa." Both of them.
    • Usagi (woozy): At least that was different…
    • Mako's casting sequence, or rather, the peanut gallery.
    • "Thanks Mars."
    • "I'll have what she's having."
    • Ali made, er, a meal, of some kind, for En. Out of food.
  • Episode 56: "…Okay, I don't want to hear about your dreams ever again."
  • Episode 57: "SHUT UP AND RUN, AMI!"
    • Epic fumble.
    • "You don't know about it, it's a secret."
    • "Let's go!" :D
    • Lum Invader.
    • Usagi beats up Natsumi. Accidentally.
    • Ducks.
    • "Not you, too? I wouldn't do this for your brother."
    • "OH COME ON! No fair!"
    • "Bonk!" :D
    • "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaactually…"
  • Episode 58: Horses.
    • Yamandakka is competent... but she's still just the help.
    • "…I can never predict what you've read or not."
    • "Oh, random Evangelion reference, how I've missed you."
    • Mako is annoyed. This culminates in a small-text rant.
    • Usagi speculates about what's behind the door.
    • "That was no human bee."
    • "Great."
    • Rei: Wait. ¿What?
    • "Since when are trees immune to lightning?!"
  • Episode 59: "…Yes, Mercury, we really wanted to see that clearly."
    • Ami proves she's insane, by Albert Einstein's definition.
    • Moonlight Knight: Okay, I confess that he also enjoys the superheroic dialogue and spectacle—much as you do, I suspect—and my existence lets him exercise that desire. And being a mere projection of the subconscious, I am unrestrained by human qualities such as common sense. (bows.)
  • Sixth Recap: To start off, a picture of the Harem Comedy Mamoru's life became during the Doomtree Arc, mostly because of Makoto. Who is obviously joining in just for the hell of it.
    • Misfile reference.
    • Ali as Pepe LePew. (Feel free to correct spelling)
    • "Are they gone?"
    • Snow cones.
    • The huddle to decide the fate of Yamandakka.
    • "Ow! Usagi, anachronism!"
    • Cred
    • "MAKO!"
  • Episode 60: "I admit I'm feeling slightly nervous. The last time I had a date in a boat, killer squirrels attacked."
  • Episode 61: Renaming
    • Followed by confusion and flashbacks.
    • "I suspect if you bring a handsome man home sometime, yes."
    • The Men in Black Shout-Out.
    • Entrance Exams.
    • Usagi's sheer glee at having a monster fight to distract her from her personal troubles. With illustrations to boot!
    • "…I suppose I can give it a try by myself."
  • Episode 62: "Wait, what? Did I miss some new slang, or do you actually mean, like, sewing?"
    • Biomechatronics.
    • "All of them."
    • "Artemis, have I ever let you down?" "Frequently."
      • Followed by Minako's fear.
    • Chibi-Usa: (edges away from Ami like she's a crazy person because she IS.)
    • "I think we know our way around, right, Rei?"
    • Ammo difficulties.
    • "…parries a blizzard?"
      • Followed by

Makoto: Mercury, you just kicked a tremendous quantity of purest-quality ass, but I'm obligated to inform you that you still run like a girl.
Ami: How else should I run, Jupiter?
Makoto: Like a woman.

  • Episode 63: "…As high priestess, I must inform you that if you become a pimp, I am kicking you out."
    • Rei gets Distracted by the Sexy... I think.
    • "…you're not exactly the target audience, honey, but at this point I'll take anyone just to justify the project."
    • "And also I'm a little worried he might be going senile, and I don't know how I'd cope with that. He's pretty old, you know."
    • "…Stop the room, I want to get off…"
    • Face Palm
  • Episode 64: "…being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."
  • Episode 65: "Oh, I bet they don't quit."
    • "I thought you were over using magical cheats to get love and good grades?"
    • "Five motes on the tall drink of water to win."
    • Pet names.
    • "Try to think like they would."
    • "…Petz, honey. Are we talkin' about them, or you?"
    • "I cannot see, due to this cloud. I will search using touch."
    • "EWWWWWWWW! The monster's all sticky!"
    • "…Petz, dear, you have issues."
    • DIGRESSION
    • "…I leave the room for five minutes—"
    • "I'm sorry, Rei, that was incredibly immature of me, and disrespectful to you. And furthermore sets a bad example for Chibi-Usa."
  • Episode 66: How to handle kittens.
    • Nine black birds.
    • "Okay, hit me."
    • "PUT THE KNIFE! THE KNIFE DOWN!"
    • They are wearing stupid hats. They have a booth babe. Neither will admit whose idea any of this was.
    • "Have you no respect for law and order?"
    • Rei. Supermarket. Awkwardness.
    • "Oh no! Not a Peeled Lichee Bomb, deadliest of all exploding fruits!"
    • "Oh, we left sense behind long ago, honey!"
    • AFTERMATH
    • "Ami, let me run this theory past you: The bad guys are space communists."
  • Episode 67: "I had to ask Yamandakka, and she can only speak two words. One of them is 'Yamandakka' and the other one isn't."
    • Makoto: (is nowhere to be seen…)
    • "…Rei, I don't like your family's ways of saving money!"
    • "…That's not an explanation!"
    • "Mars! Fire is your thing. Talk to the volcano."
    • "…I make mistakes sometimes. Don't let Chibi-Usa see this."
  • Episode 68: "I dream of a wedding and the universe dumps piss on me. Thank you, O Gods, for your refreshing opinion of my hopes and wishes."
    • Puppy-training tactics.
    • Berthier injures her spine... multiple times... in quick succession. Methods:
      • Falling down the stairs (ow).
      • Getting trod upon by Chibi-Usa (oof).
      • Getting trod upon by Koan. Who is taller than Makoto (OUCH).
  • Episode 69: Ami has a twisted sense of fun that can only be appeased by cats and ice cream.
    • Minako: Look, as her seneschal, I have a duty to see that the royal line is preserved, and more importantly I wanna be a flower girl.
    • "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Mostly because of who says it.
    • Usagi talks to Shadowjack.
  • Episode 70: Yuichiro, singing and dancing.
    • A CAFE, SOMEWHERE: Soul of innocence.
    • Koan: …oh, snap, I almost forgot my weal job again.
    • After Koan leaves:

Usagi: That was weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiirrrrrd.
Rei: ¿Didn't you just blow up a cosmetics store? Maybe they're onto you.
Usagi: You mean I'm being hunted by the Mary Kay Commandos? That's all I need.
Rei: Well, if a L'Oreal ninja comes here, that would make three crazy women who'd violated my home today, which is a nice round number…
Usagi: (starts to count…) Hey!

    • "…I'm not sure that we're a good model for relationships, but I'll take praise any day. Nice to see you smilin', chica. ¿Tea?"
  • Episode 71: Mako and Ami flirt. Blatantly.
    • "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
    • On Ami's competitiveness:

Usagi: Have you ever seen pictures of yourself in competition, Ami? You get this smile…
Ami: No! Come on.
Makoto: It's true, hon, you get a little scary.

Berthier: What do you do, keep her tied up for emergencies?! You people are scary! I hate violence!

Makoto: Look, Ami's over there! She's playing now! She's very good. Think she'll win? It'd be neat if she won!
Minako: (shakes head and smiles.) Yes, dear, yes it would.

Ami: Wand produces an infinite amount of energy; Rubeus reverses the flow; wand absorbs an infinite amount of energy. And thus is conservation of energy maintained. Mathematically it's all quite simple. Too bad it's going to kill us all, Stephen would love to get close observations on this.
Makoto: Mercury, how do we kill it?
Ami: You can't kill a black hole, love.

    • Mako's not dumb, and Ami reassures the Senshi that "There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive."
    • The Ghostbusters Shout-Out.
    • "DIEEEEEEEEEEEE—"
  • Seventh Recap: Shadowjack's reintroduction of the Senshi. It wasn't enough that he drew Makoto effortlessly carrying a Sailor V arcade console, no; he then had to draw Minako using the cats as a platform.
    • " -- But a sinister force has come to the Juban district." <insert silhouette of Chibi-Usa>
    • Fiery!Latina!Rei is scary when she's angry: "¡Talk or I will cut you!"
    • Chocolate smuggling.
    • The Senshi theorize. Makoto likes Usagi's "evil space communists" theory.
      • Soon followed by:

Ami: Never do that again!

Ami: Gee, wouldn't it be weird if it was something people'd be ashamed of?
Makoto: ... How do you mean, Ami?
Ami: I don't know, like adultery or something. A shameful secret from society. Not something you'd see openly.
Minako: Dude, that's whack.
Usagi: Yeah, what kind of messed-up world would that be?
Makoto: You've been reading too much sci-fi.
Ami: Eh, it was just an odd thought. Now eat your burgers. They're good for you.

  • Episode 73: The aftermath of the Sailors trying to talk Chibi-Usa out of stealing Sailor Moon's brooch and the Silver Crystal

Chibi-Usa: "IT'S A LIE IT'S A LIE! I won't let your truth and reason and kindness interfere with my bad decisions, I won't, I won't! They're MY bad decisions and you can't take them away from me!"
Chibi-Usa /skips school, does drugs, plays in traffic and dies.

THE END.

  • Episode 78: Minako's attempt to care for a sick Rei, depicted as a text adventure game.

>mars star power make up
In a swirl of light and color, you transform into Sailors Mars.
Minako asks, "Why are you doing that?"
>kill minako with fire

Minako: "Sure. Seriously, how much trouble could they really get into?"
Enter frenzied crowd of tourists, pursued by a bear.
Usagi: "…"
Minako: "…That one was on me. My bad."
Usagi: "As penance, you get Burt Ward today."
Minako: "HOLY CAT-ASTROPHE, SAILOR MOON!"
Usagi: "Time to save the day again, old chum!"

  • Episode 81: Venus and one of the monsters of the week engage in rapid fire Double Entendre

Achiral /materializes. "I doubt you'll be able to handle it now it's this size."
Minako /instantly fires back. "We can handle quite a bit; we've had a lot of experience."
Achiral: "You've probably never experienced anything as big as this."
Minako: "Size isn't as important as how you use it."
Achiral: "I know a few tricks that may surprise you."
Minako: "Oh, we like surprises—"
Rei: "¿WILL YOU PLEASE STOP?"

  • Episode 85: Mamoru's reaction to seeing Chibi-Usa as Black Lady

Mamoru: "I don't believe it! She's become a moody teenager!"
Black Lady: "…I'm… I'm totally twenty-one!"
Usagi: "Moody teenager? What makes you so sure, Tux?"

• FLASHBACK: MAMORU CHIBA, AGE 15
Mamoru /hair long, ratty black T-shirt. "You can't keep me from going out tonight! The Cure is, like, my life!"

• BACK TO THE PRESENT
Mamoru: "Just a hunch."

    • Followed shortly thereafter by Usagi's reaction

Usagi: "Young lady, you are not going out like that! You look like a hussy! You go back to your room and put some decent clothes on right now, or I'll have your father talk to you!"

    • As well as the denouement

Mamoru: "Are you okay, love?"
Usagi: "I'm not sure. I jumped straight from single motherhood to my kids wanting to kill me. At this rate, I'll be suffering menopause by next summer."


Sailor Moon S

To be edited.


Sailor Moon SuperS

Shadowjack has yet to review this season.


Sailor Moon Star S

Shadowjack has yet to review this season.


Side Stories

Ami: ... It's for school?

    • Taxes are due today:

Mr. Tsukino: I have no choice. Only one thing to do.
Luna: File for an extension?
Usagi: Oh noooo...
Mr. Tsukino (grabs keys): MOTOR POWER, GEAR UP!!!

Usagi: "Side Story?"
Ami: It means that this episode is non-canonical.
Minako: If that means anything.
Makoto: So nothing we do in this one has any impact upon the real storyline?
Ami: Exactly.
Rei: AWESOME.
Rei: (kills Usagi.)
Rei: (makes out with Minako.)
Rei: (steals Makoto's wallet.)
Rei: (runs away, giggling.)
Ami: …That was unexpected.
Minako: (gasp!) But not entirely unpleasant!
Makoto: Speak for yourself.
Usagi: (stinks up the room a bit.)

    • Usagi's sleepwalking, Rei made a couple attempts to wake her (they fail). Then this happens:

Ami: Mako, wake her up your way.
Makoto: Right! …Which way's my way?
Ami: Pick her up and dunk her head in the water fountain until she reacts.
Makoto: …My way's not very sporting. (picks up Usagi and dunks her head in the water fountain.)

    • After an attempt to rouse Usagi from romantic daydreams goes... poorly:

Artemis: I'm not sure that was the best tack to take with Miss Tsukino. She tends to repress bad memories.
Luna: Like homework.
Artemis: And chores, yes. So you can see that the fall of an entire world kind of goes off the scale.

  • Legend of the Dark Kingdom's Resurrection, Part 2: In this part, Minako's caught ogling a boy, the rest of the team... persuade... her to ask him out, they all (sans Usagi, something about "sick voyeuristic tendencies") get caught spying, boy calls out his buddies (also hiding in the bushes), and... interesting... flirtations ensue:

Student A: ¡I am Student A! (approaches Rei) ¡YOU! You are like the flame. ¡Student A like you very much! ¡Passion fruits!
Rei: …Passion fruits?
Student A: (sexily.) ¡Mangos! ¡Papayas! ¡You ignite an entire fruit salad of desire in my heart!"
Rei: …What the hell. Talk fruity to me some more, you Latin hunk.

Student B: I have a strong psychological attraction to intellectual women, due to various complex personal insecurities. I'd do anything within reason, and some things beyond reason, for such a girl.
Ami: I'm told my IQ is over 300.
Student B: (swoons)

Student C: I like a strong woman.
Makoto: Well, that's nice, but I'm afraid you just don't push my buttons.
Student C: (in His voice.) I can also do impressions.
Makoto: FUKKIN SOLD.

    • Shortly followed by:

Saito: Hey, gang, let's check out the astrology booth!
Ami: (throws horns) Woooo! Astrology! Yeah!

Queen Beryl: Bait, nothin'. Once we use him to extort the Silver Crystal out of the Sailors—I'm a-gonna marry that wonderful man! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Nephrite: …
Zoisite: I wanna be an usher! Or a flower girl, I'm not picky.


Sailor V

  • Chapter 1-1: Sapphic death zeppelin.
    • Takeuchi understands cats.
    • BIG SCARY STARING EYES.
    • "Just open it up. Open it. OPEN THE COMPACT."
  • Chapter 1-2: "…Well, for starters, the uniform is so uncool."
    • And let's just think about that here: Artemis arranged for the development of an entire arcade game prototype, and associated advertising copy, solely for the purpose of a single training lesson for Minako. This boy's got a blank check. "Okay, Minako, for today's survival training, we've rented Okinawa. Yes, the whole island. Now pay attention, damn it!"
  • Chapter 1-3: So, uh, you'll only kill some of them, then? I suppose I should be glad at her restraint. :D
    • "This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter."


A Stormy Relationship

To be edited.

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