Sequelitis/Quotes

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If it's based on a TV show, just don't go. After Roman numeral 2, give it a rest. If it's a remake of a classic, rent the classic! —Jay Sherman, The Critic

"Now, I want you to imagine something with me. Imagine a world where sequels are banned. Would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we'd miss out on genuinely good sequels like Thief 2 or Half Life 2, but I think that is a small price to pay. Every story would have to be fresh, and the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters likable. With no sequels, there are no franchises, less fandom, so the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all known diseases. Best of all, endings would have to have some fucking closure." —Ben Yahtzee Croshaw

"I, the Sequelizer, can make an infinite number of copies of myself -- although each is only 50% as powerful as the one before..." —Troy McClure as the Sequelizer, "The Final Collision!", Bartman #3

Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: at a logical endpoint requiring no sequel. —Keith Phipps's review of Analyze That, The AV Club

The old joke goes as follows: What is the best golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack. What is the worst golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack II.

Male announcer: "You'll love the original Grease!" Female announcer: "Then watch the sequel." Male announcer: "Then you'll really love the original Grease." —TV Land ad, doing a little redecorating

Ramada: "Oh, Topper. I tried to stay away. I thought I was never going to see you again... that you were out of my life. But it's a sequel. I had to come." Topper: "Do you have any idea what the critics will say? 'Same warmed-over characters...'" —Hot Shots! Part Deux

"Why is the sequel never equal?" —On a Clear Day You Can See Forever, "What Did I Have That I Don't Have?"

Mike: Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "Godfather's Syndrome" and let you down with number three in the trilogy... Bill: Terminator! Kevin: X-Men! Bill: Shrek! Kevin: Spider-Man! Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean! Mike: ...The Matrix was there, boldly flaunting convention, and sucking in part two! —The Riff Trax of The Matrix: Reloaded

Bill the Lab Guy: Wait, you can't. Not just for me, but for the love of science, the love of knowledge, the love of...sequels. Captain: Sequels? Cancel that order, Gunner. We've got a franchise to protect! The Action League: YAY!!!!!! Narrator: Not nearly the end! —Action League NOW

I know Disney Sequels are bad, they're bad by design! But that doesn't mean that they can't actually be good! —The Nostalgia Chick, ranting about Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

Brian: You're banning straight-to-video Disney films? Stewie: Absolutely! I mean, look at this: Aladdin IV: Jafar May Need Glasses. —Family Guy

Mickey: Come on Randy, with all due respect, the killer obviously patterned himself after two serial killers who have been immortalized on film. Film Class Guy #1: Thank you! Artsy Teacher: Are you suggesting that someone's trying to make a real life sequel? Randy: "Stab 2"? Who'd want to do that? Sequels suck! —Scream 2

We watched Grease and it was pretty good, but then we watched Grease 2 and I fell asleep. —Finn, Glee

"Here we go again. Again." —Tugg Speedman, in the trailer for Scorcher VI, Tropic Thunder

After six sequels, the Saw plot only makes sense if you assume everyone in the world is a psychotic invalid. And since a lot of them went to see Saw seven times, the assumption is pretty accurate. —Luke McKinney, Cracked

"Didn't we say all we needed to say in the first Beetlejuice?" —Kevin Smith, on the (thankfully scrapped) Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian