NCIS/Quotes

TSA Agent Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony:: Only if you're dyslexic.

Gibbs: Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine. Grab your gear!

Kate: I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret!
Gibbs: Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.

Ziva: [at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.

Franks: My brother and I married the same woman twice.
Gibbs: Twice?
Franks: She was a hell of a woman, Probie!

Tony: Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.
Tim: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real. And you don’t disappoint me.

Ziva: What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...cat?

Tony: You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie, and I didn't say I was the one who was going to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper? <BLAM!!>

Ziva: Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier!
Abby and McGee: Of course it was.

[after surviving a car bomb]

Tony: Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [[[Beat]]] I lied.