Joisey/Quotes

"I'm from New Jersey, man! In Jersey we kill people for no reason at all, cuz we all got cancer anyway, so who gives a shit!"

—Buddy Bradley, Hate

Baby, this town rips the bones from your back
It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We got to get out while we're young
Because tramps like us, baby we were born to run

—Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run, the state's "Unofficial Youth Rock Anthem"

Today, sleep is regarded as a complex and inconstant state, a state not unlike New Jersey.

—Howie Mandel, on St. Elsewhere

You don't have a disease. You just live in New Jersey.

—Anonymous Doctor

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

"Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished, and no one's asking you to build an ark. All you have to do is go to New Jersey."

—Metatron to Bethany in Dogma

Twas bergen and the eirie road
Did mahwah into paterson:
All jersey were the ocean groves,
And the red bank bayonne.

"Beware the Hopatcong, my son!
The teeth that bite, the nails that claw!
Beware the bound brook bird, and shun
The kearney communipaw."

He took his belmar blade in hand:
Long time the folsom foe he sought
Till rested he by a bayway tree
And stood a while in thought.

And, as in nutley thought he stood,
The Hopatcong with eyes of flame,
Came whippany through the englewood,
And garfield as it came.

One, two, one, two, and through and through
The belmar blade went hackensack!
He left it dead and with its head
He went weehawken back.

"And hast thou slain the Hopatcong?
Come to my arms, my perth amboy!
Hohokus day! Soho! Rahway!"
He caldwell in his joy.

Twas bergen and the eirie road
Did mahwah into paterson:
All jersey were the ocean groves,
And the red bank bayonne.

—Paul Kieffer

Anna Baragli: He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can feel it. I'm not sure when.
Cardinal: "Attempt to steal," you mean. The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk! The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.

—from Hudson Hawk

"So robots have a hell?"
"It's in New Jersey."
Anyanka nodded sagely. It would pretty much have to be.

—from Wishes, Chapter 12, by ShayneT

Scientist: I thought the army destroyed Godzilla?
Mayor: He's New Jersey's problem now.

—Godzilla: The Series

Located in you know where the fuck we are, and bordered by a bunch of places that can suck it -- especially you, Pennsylvania -- New Jersey is one of the nation's oldest and most historic states. So fuck you. Founded by a guy who could kick your state founder's ass, and boasting some of the safest, cleanest cities in America -- you hear that, jerk? -- New Jersey will destroy you, just say the word. And while the state has in recent years come under fire from environmental groups, that doesn't fucking matter because Jersey rules. Oh, and by the way, the entire state was balls-deep in your girlfriend last night.

—Our Dumb World

...So I built a third boardwalk. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one will stay up, and that's what you're going to get, lad. The strongest boardwalk in Jersey.

—Fark.com, 9/14/2013, on Gov. Christie's pledge to rebuild after the Seaside boardwalk fire

Mike: I hate Joisey!
Archie: Everybody hates Joisey! But someone has to live there!

—All in The Family

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