Hooker!Verse/Characters

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Nostalgia Critic

  • Adorkable: His way of making dumpster sex possible.
  • Aesop Amnesia: While he's in the hospital, Harvey tried really hard to make him understand that he doesn't have to act like the world is against him. Between then and the club is foggy, but we're to assume he didn't take that to heart.
  • Attention Whore: His freakshow life (Ask That Guy, Nerd leaving, the Penny drama) provides most of the drama. And he likes it that way.
  • Clingy Jealous Guy: He does not like the people he's close to having important relationships that aren't with him.
  • Crossdresser: Wears a skirt and corset.
  • Dangerously-Short Skirt: It's said in Cherry Lipgloss to just barely cover his ass. The visibility-of-dick issue has been unmentioned so far.
  • Death Seeker: The self-destructiveness went into overdrive when the Nerd left.
  • The Ditz
  • Designated Monkey: No matter what verse, he can't win.
  • Driven to Suicide: Getting pimped out by Ask That Guy will do that...
  • Going Commando: And he does like his bending over.
  • Man Child
  • Manipulative Bastard: Knows his woobie status and enjoys using it to his advantage.
  • Never My Fault: Critic is slightly too into painting himself as the victim.
  • Puppy Dog Eyes: He's a master at manipulating people with these. Not even Ask That Guy can resist them and Jew Wario says they make him look like a moeblob.
  • Troubled but Cute
  • Zettai Ryouiki: Grade A. Even though the descriptions of his clothes went from "hot" to "trashy", his thigh-high boots are still prime Fetish Fuel. And he knows it.

Nostalgia Chick

  • Abusive Parents: While working as a hooker, she gets hurt by a guy who reminds her of her sexually abusive uncle.
  • Berserk Button: If the Critic gets himself into deep trouble or anyone else hurts him, she turns into a fireball of rage.
  • Bow Ties Are Cool: Subverted. It feels like it's strangling her whenever she wears it.
  • Brainy Brunette: Although it's started to get dulled from the drink.
  • Broken Bird
  • Character Development: Going from thinking Critic was just a shiny thing that would give her power and move up in her world to actually caring for him deeply.
  • Girlish Pigtails: She wanted to cut her hair, but Michaud wanted to keep it long.
  • Jerkass Facade: She only lets some scraps of kindness through to most people because she has a really hard time trusting them.
  • Lady Drunk: She's is an old-before-her-time example.
  • Love Martyr: For Nella. Still.
  • Mama Bear: You do not hurt the club girls.
  • Man Child: Her rants usually involve Disney or some girly crap from her childhood.
  • Tsundere: Sweet for the people she cares about, not so much for the people she doesn't.
  • "Well Done, Daughter" Girl: When she's nice to a club-girl (which is pretty rare), they're very happy.

Angry Video Game Nerd

Linkara

Spoony

Dr. Insano

The Cinema Snob

Film Brain

MarzGurl

Angry Joe

JewWario

Bennett The Sage

Ask That Guy

  • Bastard Boyfriend: As much as they crave each other, Critic would be better off without him.
  • Claustrophobia: He hates Sage's office because of this. It reminds him of home.
  • Clingy Jealous Guy: He tries his best to destroy any other relationship Critic has.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Critic sometimes has to bring him back down to earth.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: Kidnaps the Nerd, fucks up Critic's budding relationship with The Other Guy and imagines that the girls he sells on are the Chick because he loathes her with every fiber of his being. So yeah, he has a bad case of this.
  • Evil Is Petty
  • Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: He kinda pales in comparison to Sage and That Other Girl.
  • Kick the Dog: He delights in telling Critic that nice bartender in the bar he knows is the older brother who abandoned the family.
  • Jerkass Woobie: Don't get us wrong, he's still a crazy, nightmarish bastard, but he needs Critic as much as Critic needs him and he's in way over his head with Sage.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: When Critic is at the hospital and "doing well", Ask That Guy visits, they have an argument about money and bad things happen.
  • Papa Wolf: Hurt the Critic and Ask That Guy will break you.
  • The Sociopath: "Sometimes he worries about his twin's mildly deteriorating mental state, but whatever guilt he feels over his involvement in it usually passes within a minute or so. He always liked breaking his toys."
  • Tempting Fate: Sure sweetie, the boss of the cooperation you know nothing about will be a total pussy and Critic will be a trophy wife. Of course.
  • Thicker Than Water: He redeems the above Kick the Dog moment slightly by not ratting out The Other Guy as the one who had just set him on fire.

Benzaie

Paw

Elizabeth Samantha George (Liz)

Stacey Anne Bloom

  • All Love Is Unrequited: Her feelings toward the Nerd.
    • This seems to be a regular thing with her. She also has a crush on Linkara, and it's been implied that she has a small crush on the Chick.
  • Beneath the Mask: She really hates her club persona. Most of the hookers do, but she in particular.
  • Brainy Brunette
  • Cute Bookworm: She wants to be a librarian.
  • Corrupt the Cutie: "She tries to take notes and winds up spending most of the class period staring at her professors, wondering what they'd sound like if they took her home at night, what they look like under their nicely-pressed pants and neatly-buttoned shirts. She watches their mouths as they talk and wonders how they'd taste."
  • Daddy's Girl
  • Establishing Character Moment: Coming out of her flirty, submissive club-girl shtick to run back to her card game and knock Linkara's hat off while she's doing it.
  • Jewish and Nerdy
  • Motor Mouth: When she's nervous.
  • Parental Obliviousness: Her parents think she pays for school by waiting tables. This is not the case.

Donna Cynthia Archer

  • Broken Bird: Not quite as much as the other women, but underneath the flirtation and the overly-sexy bravado she puts on there's this sense of vulnerability she's tried very hard to hide.
  • The Ditz: Not stupid, her favorite movie is Anne Of Green Gables, but rather flighty and oblivious.
  • Jerkass Woobie: She has a total breakdown when Benzaie leaves, but listens to barely anyone.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Probably the best examples from the OCs. She's nice, sympathetic and looks after Benzaie when he's homesick, but she is incredibly vain, doesn't treat Paw well at all, and has to put effort into liking a few of the club-girls.
  • Lack of Empathy: She does care about people, just... not as much as she should.
  • The Fashionista: As much as a hooker can afford to be anyway.
  • Mrs. Robinson: She's a good deal older than Film Brain - and already involved in another relationship - but this doesn't stop her from being flirtatious and affectionate with him.
  • Morality Pet: She really does like Film Brain.
  • Parent with New Paramour: Her Dad's new family is not something she wants to talk about.
  • Selective Obliviousness: Donna truly, honestly doesn't realize that she does tend to play favorites between Paw and Benzaie, nor any part of the effect it has on both of them.
  • Spoiled Sweet: She still likes the finer things in life.
  • The Tease: She enjoys her flirting.

Mary Jane Kelly

Penny Rose Moore

An Expy from another That Guy With The Glasses fanfic, Penny suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder.

  • Broken Bird
  • Cassandra Truth: She can't get anyone to believe that it's not her hurting people.
  • Dye Hard: Penny has been dyeing her hair for so long and so often that she isn't exactly sure what her natural hair color is any more.
  • Happily-Failed Suicide: In a sense. Being saved by The Other Girl's usual victim (Critic) and Snob, as well as having our favorite Finevoice look after her in the hospital helps her regain some sanity.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: She does try to confront The Other Girl sometimes, but always falls back to getting used and manipulated.
  • Hysterical Woman: You can't really blame her.
  • Love Martyr: To be fair though, we're not sure you can leave your other psychotic personality.
  • Missing Time: Whenever The Other Girl takes over.
  • Strange Girl
  • Terrified of Germs: When she's having a panic attack especially.
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: Snob takes her out in his limo and treats her nice.
  • The Ophelia: She's cute, frequently in tears, loves Shakespeare and wanted to be an actress, tries to kill herself and oh yes, she's nuts. She even played Ophelia once.
  • The Woobie: The Other Girl tortures people while pretending to be her and if she's not hated, she's pitied for being such a complete mess. Give the poor woman a hug.
  • You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry: It's implied that Other Girl comes out when she's angry at someone, like the Chick punishing her or Critic accidentally cracking her head against a mirror.

The Other Girl

Penny's other side. Has plans for the Nostalgia Duo.

  • Abusively Sexy Woman: Even though she's not meant this way for the audience, Sage certainly finds her ridiculously hot.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: "her appearances in Penny's childhood were sporadic and fun, little bursts of color in an otherwise gray world. She grew as Penny did, but where Penny turned kind and sweet, That Other Girl turned bitter and violent, vindictive and overly-protective of 'her Penny.'"
  • Blue Eyes: The icy kind.
  • Complete Monster: Has yet to be given anything remotely resembling a moral compass.
  • Depraved Bisexual: Shows great glee in manipulating Penny, torturing Critic, making the Chick suffer and preying on Linkara's Chronic Hero Syndrome.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Yes dear, the Chick hurt Penny as punishment for what you did and has a part in making her life hell. But you really didn't have to stick needles in her skin.
  • False Friend
  • For the Evulz: Why is she obsessed with making the Critic hurt? For funsies, obviously.
  • Guy-On-Guy Is Hot: In a non-canon-but-still-important-for-character fic, she's delighted to make Critic give Sage a blowjob.
    • She's also looking forward to forcing Ask That Guy to join in when she and Sage fuck.
  • Magnificent Bitch: Despite everything, you've gotta give her this.
  • Manipulative Bitch
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: What is she? A dream? A split personality? Something made up? Not of this world? She knows far more about people's issues than she should and things happen in the "dreams" that don't always make sense.
  • Nightmare Fetishist: She gets off to fap fantasies about snuffing the club people in horrible ways.
  • Not-So-Imaginary Friend: When she and Penny were kids.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Liz's child, to be exact. Just to see how much it would destroy her.

Lucille Désirée Abrams (Lucy)

  • Boisterous Bruiser
  • Cool Big Sis: She looked after her little brother and little sister, and has Stacey's back in just about everything.
  • Embarrassing First Name: Lucille, for Lucille Ball.
  • Embarrassing Middle Name: Désirée, also for Lucille Ball. (It is a theme in Lucy's family that she and her siblings are named after actors and characters from classic movies. When her mother disappoints her for the last time, Lucy legally changes her middle name to "Cerise" - the French word for "Cherry.")
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Subverted. When she was younger she was called "Scooter Pie" and she found it affectionate.
  • Fiery Redhead
  • Hard-Drinking Party Girl: She likes her drink a lot, but she's not quite at the Chick's level.
  • Lad-ette
  • Manic Pixie Dream Girl: Has aspects of this whenever she's in a good mood.
  • Nerds Are Sexy: She has a big thing for Y.
  • Parental Issues: Her mom had a big midlife crisis and left the family when she was a preteen. Years later, she joins the club.

Mike Michaud

Mike Ellis

Nella

  • Break the Cutie: She was the Adorkable Man Child we all know and love at some point (and it does still exist somewhere deep down)... but drink, dealing with the Chick and the crappiness of their life made her much harder.
  • Broken Bird
  • Despair Event Horizon: She has clearly crossed it in "take me back to that red mouth".
  • Kick the Dog: Sending the Chick out to whore herself out... on cold nights and locking the door behind her so she can't get back in.
  • Mama Bear: As fucked up as it is, you mess with the Chick and Nella will FIND you.
  • Pet the Dog: When Chick comes home crying because she got assaulted, Nella looks after her, doesn't care about the lack of money for once and brings out the My Little Ponies.
  • Stalker with a Crush: She a few aspects of this for the Chick once she leaves her. Popping in every once in a while is great, but the person usually has to know about it.
  • Sympathy for the Devil: Okay, calling her the devil might be harsh even if you're a rabid Chick fan, but seeing her break down to Film Brain about why she had to leave makes you feel for her.
  • Weapon of Choice: You can do wonderful things with a crowbar and hammer apparently.
  • Why Did You Make Me Hit You?: She went into hysterical tears after she hit Chick one time. (Could overlap with My God, What Have I Done?)

The Other Guy

  • Abusive Parents
  • Beware the Nice Ones: He might kill you with fire.
  • Big Brother Bully: What he tended to be in his childhood. The two examples that stand out the most: he held the Critic out of a window and strangled almost to death Ask that Guy.
  • Big Brother Instinct: He has one for some of his customers. When they call him on that, he's not really amused.
  • Creepy Child: On the verge of sociopathy during his childhood. He got better.
  • Heroic BSOD: He tends to return to his past creepiness when he remembers his family. When he actually meets them, things get worse.
  • Hidden Depths: He's a nice guy who tries to help. He has also a troubling childhood and is the Critic and Ask That Guy's older brother.
  • I Got Better: He used to be on the verge of psychosis, now he's a well adjusted bartender. Most of the time.
  • Long-Lost Relative
  • Tranquil Fury: He used to be really violent, but not really expansive. Now he's a normal guy, but briefly returns to Tranquil Fury when he finds himself in front of Ask That Guy.
  • The Bartender: In spades.

MikeJ

Ashens

Phelous

  • The Cynic: He knows how the world works, and finds it difficult to see a happy outcome for a certain character.

Y Ruler of Time

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