Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (novel)/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF--

  • Anything Peeves does: "The bell rang just as Peeves swooped down on Katie and emptied an entire bottle of ink over her head."
  • And the entirety of the "prank war": "It unscrews the other way." Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for the twins.
    • The twins? What about McGonagall?
    • The conclusion, when Peeves chased Umbridge off by hitting her with a walking stick and a sock filled with chalk. Professor McGonagall's reaction? "I would chase after her myself, but Peeves borrowed my stick." Made funnier when listening to the book on tape, where the reader's McGonagall voice seems to be hinting that Peeves didn't "steal" the stick so much as "asked politely for it and detailed the exact reason why he needed it."
      • Pretty much any time McGonagall and Umbridge interacted in Order of the Phoenix was this, often with an added Crowning Moment of Awesome for McGonagall.
  • An (unintentional?) slight:

Molly: "I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!"
George: "What are Fred and I, next-door neighbors?"

    • And Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody has his own perspective about Ron's promotion: "Authority figures always attract trouble, but I suppose Dumbledore thinks you can withstand most major jinxes or he wouldn't have appointed you..."
  • Molly's reaction to Arthur's stitches: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA?!"
  • After Dudley is attacked by a dementor at the beginning:

Vernon: Fought 'em off, did you, son? Gave 'em the old one-two, did you?
Harry: You can't give a dementor the old one-two!

  • Umbridge's evaluations of the teachers could be both funny and painful. Snape's was particularly memorable:

Umbridge: You applied first for the Defense against the Dark Arts post, I believe.
Snape: Yes.
Umbridge: But you were unsuccesful?
Snape: (classic deadpan) Obviously.

    • This, too:

Mad-Eye: Don' put your wand there, boy! What if it ignited? Better wizards then you have lost buttocks, you know!
Tonks: Who do you know who's lost a buttock?

  • When they sneak in to the Ministry of Magic to save Sirius, They all get nametags saying "Rescue Mission".
    • It gets even better as it's ambiguous whether or not they put them on, so if you want you can picture them wearing nametags throughout the ensuing battle.
  • Pretty much everything that involves Phineas Nigellus Black is either this or a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
  • Two particularly hilarious dreams: Before Harry has his out-of-body experience in Nagini attacking Arthur, he dreams Cho is angry at him for luring her to the DA under false pretenses by promising her 150 Chocolate Frog Cards: "Cedric gave me loads of Chocolate Frog Cards, look!" Then she becomes Hermione who says he did promise Cho and suggests he should give her his Firebolt, but Umbridge has it and he just came to the DA to put up Christmas ornaments shaped like Dobby's head... The second dream involves him watching Neville and Professor Sprout waltzing in the Room of Requirement while McGonagall plays the bagpipes.
  • A metaphor where Luna is described as staring at Ron "as if he were a mildly interesting television program.
  • When Ron is freaking out before his first Quidditch match: "Ron was now staring into the dregs of milk at the bottom of his empty cereal bowl as though seriously considering attempting to drown himself in them." and "Harry and Ron pulled on their robes (Ron attempted to do his up back-to-front for several minutes before Alicia took pity on him and went to help."
  • The entire Stubby Boardman Quibbler article. Actually, just the Quibbler in general.
  • Say it with me now: "It unscrews the other way."
  • After Fred and George's escape, Ron, Hermione, and Harry are all talking about it, and Ron is sure his mother is going to blame him for allowing it. Then Harry reveals that he was the one who gave them the money to start their joke shop, and we get this:

Ron: "But this is excellent! It's all your fault! Can I tell mum?"

  • Ron's comment upon dropping Divination (after on his exams, he had told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in his crystal ball, only to look up and realise he had been describing his examiner's reflection):

Ron: "And from now on I don't care if my tea-leaves spell 'Die, Ron, Die!' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong."

    • Harry's examination is pretty good too, including mixing up the lines on his examiner's palm and telling her she should have died the previous Tuesday.
  • Mrs. Figg bashing Mundungus with her bag of cat food.
  • The teachers' reactions to Harry's interview in The Quibbler. Especially Professor Trelawney's reaction:

"Professor Trelawney broke into hysterical sobs during Divination and announced to the startled class, and a very disapproving Umbridge, that Harry was not going to suffer an early death, but live to a ripe old age, become Minister for Magic and have twelve children."

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