Family Guy/Funny
General
- Whenever Brian acts like an actual dog.
- From "Back to the Woods", when Brian, who is tied up to the pole because James Woods, who has recently stolen Peter's identity (and everything he has), does not like the fact that Brian is snooping around:
Brian (tugging on rope): This is humiliating. I went to Brown, for God's sa-- |
- Peter Griffin's epic fights with Ernie the Giant Chicken.
- Adam West. Cloudcuckoolander taken to extremes.
- I believe you mean ADAM WE.
- All of his scenes in the episode about gay marriage.
West: (seeing his own blood) Oh my God... I'm a tomato! |
- "Perhaps it was the Noid...who should have avoided ME."
- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'm trying to get all the As out."
- "So it's a shouting contest you want, is it? Well, game on, Quahog! AAAAH! AAAAH! AAAAH! AAA- I'm beating you!"
- The Adam West song.
- And let's not forget the cat launcher, which is a crossbow with cats. It's as awesome as it sounds.
- Kebert Xela.
West: Only by saying his name backwards can you send him back to the fifth dimension where he belongs. |
- Adam West wanted all graves covered with concrete because he's afraid of zombies. "You'll thank me when no one eats our brains. You'll thank me." He later runs away screaming "zombie" after Quagmire comes out of his grave.
- The Running Gag where Peter's latest contraption gashes a hole in Cleveland's house, making Cleveland, in his bathtub, come crashing to the ground.
Cleveland: No...no...NOOO!...I've got to stop taking a bath during Peter's shenanigans. |
- And then after the premiere of The Cleveland Show, when the empty tub crashes down...
Peter: Oh yeah, Cleveland moved... |
- Made even FUNNIER than, in an episode, a missile launched by Mayor West STILL manages to land and hit Cleveland's house in his own show!
Cleveland: No,no, no, no, no, no, nooooooo! * Falls* |
- And then the gag manages to be incorporated into "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side", when Cleveland as R2D2 falls into the Dagobah swamp!
- On The Cleveland Show, Cleveland's ex is in the tub and crashes with it, only she dies.
- The famous hurt knee.
- I preferred Lois's version myself, in which she hurt her breast.
- The "sounds of the rain forest" cutaway certainly qualifies.
- Not to mention the "Sounds of the Studio Audience" commercial.
- And now here's Ollie Williams, with the BlaccuWeather forecast. Ollie?
Ollie: IT'S GON' RAIN! |
- Thanks, Ollie.
- Also, Ollie's bit in the one with the hurricane:
Ollie: IT'S RAININ' SIDEWAYS! |
- EGGO! That is all.
- I'M AT THE WRONG AIRPORT!
- WHO WANTS THIS DOG!?
- SPACE WEATHER!
- When Quahog is in the grip of a massive heatwave:
Tom: How are you beating the heat, Ollie? |
- And in "420", when everyone gets stoned:
Tom: How does the weather look, Ollie? |
- HE GON' GET IT!
- Anytime Bruce the performance artist or anything that sounds like him shows up.
- The Kix cereal cutaway.
- Any time Joe yells.
Joe: "This is stupid. I wanna talk about VAGINAS!" |
Season One
- Peter crashing from just one lick of butter rum ice cream. Also check out how his eyes change size. (Okay, this was more being Off-Model than anything, but still.)
- This. Warning: Do not consume an Irish Coffee before watching.
- Peter ordering six thousand chicken fajitas.
- Fast Animals. Slow Children.
- Bert as Sipowitz, bare-assed and all.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much. |
- "Holy crip, he's a crapple!"
- "Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits! It says 'OOOOO'!" "Peter, those are Cheerios."
- "God. I. Hate. This. Freaking. Cat."
Season Two
- Peter's father is grilling him on how well he knows his Bible. When he asks what book of the Bible he likes, Peter says "Um, the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the Man in the Big Yellow Hat has to take him to the hospital."
- What about Superman in hell?
Peter: (after seeing Hitler, John Wilkes Booth, and Al Capone sitting alongside Superman) What are you doing here? |
- "Show me potato salad!"
- Also from "Da Boom", when a giant mutant rat approaches Joe, who is fused from the waist down to the concrete in his driveway, with the intent to eat him.
Joe: BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!! |
- Brian running over Dean Koontz:
(Brian is driving in his car, when suddenly a man walks in the road and is hit - Brian steps out of the car to look at the man) |
- The time Stewie ends up with a white family who has adopted multicultural kids, while he's jonesing for pancakes.
Stewie: I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes! |
- Earlier that episode:
Stewie: Flappy, guess what? I've decided not to kill you! |
- In "Death is a Bitch", when Death asks what the world would be like if Hitler were still alive. We get a hilarious cutaway gag to Hitler with his own talkshow, ending in addressing the audience that, if they would like tickets to the show, they should call "213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!". Doubly hilarious for those that speak German and realize that, roughly translated, it means "You will need a nurse!"
- Peter's version of The King and I.
- "I now declare Siam, The United States of America!" (sings a song ending with a line about Paul Lynde being gay).
- Peter trying to breast-feed Stewie.
- "A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything! It could even be a boat!"
- From "If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'":
Peter: "Well, until you put Gumbel 2 Gumbel back on the air, I'm going to go on a hunger strike. How about that, huh? Want that on your conscience?" |
- Peter's and Chris's "Make a Wish" scam gets out of hand:
Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. |
- And then there was that time Peter got caught peeping in the lady's locker room...
- Meg and Peter walking along in New York when the background suddenly changes to that of The Flintstones. They look around in absolute confusion before slowly backing away.
- Brian and Stewie trying to get home via a crop-duster plane. They try to take off...only to put the plane between two cows, snapping the wings clean off. Stewie's completely deadpan reaction:
Stewie: Oh, won't your face be red when they find the black box on this one. |
- This gem, as they travel in a stolen car.
Brian: Look, I just need some time to think. |
- "Holy crap, I am freaking out!!"
- When it's mentioned that Peter once turned the house into a puppet, prompting the viewer to wonder what the hell that could possibly mean...then they cut to it and it's exactly what it sounds like.
"Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry!" |
- Drive-by arguments.
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth? |
- Most of the jokes in the earlier episode, "He's Too Sexy for His Fat".
- When fleas infest their household:
Peter Griffin: There's only one thing to do--learn the language of the fleas, earn their trust, and breed with their women. And in time our differences will be forgotten. |
- After Peter gets surgery to make himself more attractive -
Lois: "Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head?" |
- After Peter's introduces his new thin body to the family - Stewie: "My god, it's finally happened! He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself, like a neutron star!"
- Little Girl: "But mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card." Peter: "Oh, cash only, huh, huh? No paper trail, huh? What are you selling? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood? I don't think so!" (Peter smashes the lemonade stand).
- "Well if my son can't come in, then I'll just come in!
- Stewie trying to buy instruments of carnage at the hardware store using a mind-controlled Chris. Seth Green affecting a Chris-ified version of Stewie's plummy Evil Brit accent while spouting Stewie-esque Ax Crazy threats is hysterical.
- The "Family Guy Cast and Creator" episode of Inside The Actor's Studio reveals that this is Seth Green's favorite Chris scene.
Young Peter: Why did all the dinosaurs die out? |
- "I-I'm not drunk, alright, I just have a speech impediment. * puke* And a stomach virus. *collapse* And an inner ear infection."
- Peter showing Chris how to eat an oreo.
Season Three
- The one where Peter visits Brian at the rehab and gives a fake name when posing as an addict.
Peter:Pea, uh, tear, uh, gryphon, Peter Griffin...aw crap. |
- "I've often dreamt of a life at sea..." Gilbert and Sullivan for the win!
- Peter's short stint as George Harrison's security guard.
while George is fighting a burglar"Hey, hey. Quiet down out there!. Ya wacky Beatle..." |
- "Well Tom, it appears the real arsonist is in custody, thanks to an anonymous tip to the authorities." "Good. Good."
- Meg's Fast Times at Ridgemont High-spoofing fantasy about Tom Tucker in "The Kiss Seen 'Round The World".
Stewie: We're playing house. |
- Peter's inability to control the volume of his voice in "Mr. Saturday Knight"
Mr. Weed: Hello, Peter. How are you? |
- The Griffin men if they were more cultured.
- The gag from "Emission Impossible" where Stewie puts on lipstick in order to get it all over Peter's shirt hoping Lois will think he's unfaithful and therefore not try to have another kid with him. Then he sees himself in the mirror...
Stewie: You want it bad, and you don't care how you get it because you have no self-respect and that gets you off! |
- "I loooove chocolate, but I can't eat it because then I'll get FAT."
- "But it's SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD."
- Peter converting the living room into a replica of Pee-Wee's Playhouse in the episode "Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?" Especially Brian's line:
- Brian: Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hiney h-ohh God, I hate you so much.
- How about Peter narrating his own life?
- Lois finally snapping in the Christmas episode when Meg says they're out of paper towels. "No...paper...TOWELS??!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Made even funnier after she's raged at the family she then runs outside having completely lost it and Meg finds the paper towels. "Oh, here's the paper towels!"
- Any scene with The Pope in "Road to Europe".
Cardinal: Pope?...Pope! Is time to get up and put on your hat. |
- Also: I vill hear no more insinuations about ze German people! NOTHING BAD HAPPENED! Sie werden sich hinsetzen!! Sie werden ruhig sein!! Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland!!!
Brian: You wanna go get some ice cream? |
- And, in the "Kiss-Stock" subplot, when two members of Kiss walk out, and the other break into "Chatanooga Choo-Choo", surprising the crowd.
- Anything with William Shatner. Character Tics doesn't even begin to cover it.
- His pants split, revealing his underwear which has Captain's Log written on the crotch.
- "Oh-fiddler, ontheroof - seems crazy, no? But in our-littletown-of... Anatevka... KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
- From "Mr. Griffin Goes To Washington", in the scene where the cigarette company coated the entire house in Teflon, Stewie slides past on his butt, naked. Which is funny enough on it's own, but then he says:
Stewie: I'm nudes on ice! |
- Bob Dole: Bob Dole's a friend of the tobacco industry. Bob Dole likes your style. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole...Bob Dole...Bob...Dole... *falls asleep*
Season Four
- The first scene after its resurrection is possibly one of the funniest Take Thats to a show's own network that I've ever seen.
Peter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been canceled. |
- Peter and Lois' dirty talk.
Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh... christen these new sheets, huh? |
- "Oh man, this is even more intense than that time I forgot how to sit down." (crashes through chair)
- The following from "Don't Make Me Over":
Stewie: (singing) I want to have Intercourse with You with you. Uh-oh-yeah. Intercourse with you. |
- The Petercopter and the Hindenpeter. "HOW CAN YOU AFFORD THESE THINGS?!"
- Earlier, by the barbershop quartet plus Peter, You Have AIDS.
- (Peter in a Quagmire Mask humping Brian in a Loretta Mask) "I"m Quagmire, I'm Quagmire, you're my best friend's wife but who cares? I'm Quagmire!"
- The part where Quagmire uses Adam West's banana to try to fend off Cleveland:
Adam West: When the time comes, you'll know what to do.
Quagmire: Dammit! *chase resumes* |
- "Good thing I just watched that National Geographic special on fire trucks."
- "Attention, restaurant customers. Testicles. That is all.
- For that matter Peter using his disability as an excuse to watch women pee.
Oh, you're just curious! Here, let me show you how everything works down there! |
- The time Peter bought the breakfast machine from Pee-wee's Big Adventure:
Peter: "WHAT was the point of all that?! Argh! All it does is shoot ya! It doesn't make breakfast at all! Owww!" |
- The ipecac contest always, always leaves me in tears of laughter.
- WHO ELSE BUT QUAGMIRE?
- He's Quagmire! Quagmire! You never really know what he's gonna do next! He's Quagmire! Quagmire!
- Quagmire: Giggidy, giggidy, let's have sex!
- "The Asian Trix Rabbit."
- Three's Company AsianTown
- "Not the Griffins, you moron! The rest of the pieces to my Lite Brite! My name's not Adam We!...Or is it...? Who am I? What number did you dial?! Don't ever call me again."
- Peter and "that thing" he and Lois do "every Thursday night". At the top of the stairs. (It was originally going to be even worse too.)
- He's Quagmire! Quagmire! You never really know what he's gonna do next! He's Quagmire! Quagmire!
- The scene where Chris gets pulled into the "Take On Me" music video while trying to retrieve milk from the store, coupled with his confused reaction afterward:
Lois: Chris, where have you been? |
- Cookie Monster in a toilet stall frantically "cooking up" cookie dough in a spoon: "C'mon, c'mon!"
- The entirety of the episode "Peter's Got Woods".
- Peter playing peek-a-boo with Stewie. "Oh, great, leave when I'm right in the middle of a sentence."
- Peter and Michael Moore's farting contest.
- The FCC Song.
- Osama Bin Laden's bloopers.
- This part from "Brian Goes Back to College":
Peter: This looks like a job for the A-Team! (slams his gun down and shoots a hole in the ceiling, causing Chris to fall face-first onto the floor) |
- Brian meets a girl in college:
Speaker: "Look to your left. Now look to your right. Statistics indicate that both of those men will rape you." —Man on the right: I might.
|
- Any gag involving James Bottomtooth.
- Brian trying to cheer up Peter with "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time", especially when Peter leaves the room and he just keeps at it.
- Stewie's reaction to Peter taking him to Disney World.
- Peter announces to everyone that he's fat.
- That game of The Price Is Right
I bid $780. |
- That time Peter lost his virginity.
- Jesus is buried after the crucifixion, then he leaps into a redneck who just slept with a farmer's daughter. "Oh boy!"
- "Where's my money?"
- Peter on Wheel of Fortune. "Uh...uh...Z, Uh, 4, Q, uh-uh another Q, a third Q...and the Batman Symbol."
- And later, when he's picking out the prizes:
Peter: Say, uh, how much for the fat guy in the circle? |
- The fake death for Quagmire that Peter, Joe, and Cleveland set up.
- Lois and Peter 'roleplaying':
Lois (dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl): Oh, I need a spankin'. I'm a bad, bad girl! |
- P.S. A Mage wielding a +5 Holy Avenger with a Paladin in the party? Yeah, Peter's a terrible roleplayer.
- Peter challenging Lois to a race around the world.
- The Vasectomy Song.
- Brian telling Lois about what he watched on TV on the episode "Deep Throats": "I just watched a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. I still don't know what a hollaback girl is. All I know is that I want her dead."
- Peter and Lois licking Chris like ice cream when they're high.
Chris: (sobbing) Stop! |
- The uncut version of Lois and Peter lying on top of each other naked on the couch much to Stewie and Brian's discomfort:
Brian: "All we need is one incriminating entry in this datebook and that's our ticket to... |
- (Ironically, given that Brian sees Lois naked, he reacts very nervously, considering the fact he has a crush on her) Watch the clip for yourself You'll never watch Family Guy the same way again!)
- Peter's erotic novel, The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish. As read by Betty White.
- Jude Law and Renee Zellweger in The Picnic.
Jude: These ants are ruining our picnic! |
- The lawyer being forced by Carter to fight the Rancor, but he somehow wins the battle...
Carter: Huh, I didn't know that "Greenberg" was a Jedi name... |
- Going hunting with Dick Cheney
- When Brian is breaking up with Lois:
Stewie: "Uh! Oh my god. No way. |
- Brian in Heaven:
Brian: "Wow, I can't believe I'm in heaven and drinking with Kurt Cobain, Ernest Hemingway, and Vincent van Gogh! But still, it feels like we all got here a little earlier than we should have." |
- Also from the movie, there's Stewie's defacement of Brian's grave (he crosses Brian's name and writes "Douchebag" on it):
Stewie: "Ha!" |
- Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man! Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man! Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man!
- The "incest episode" from the DVD extra of "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story."
Brian: WRONG! It's WRONG! (pounds table) |
"You know what really grinds my gears? You, America! Fuck you!" Diane? |
- From "Eight Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter" when Meg tells Lois she could be having a life on Saturday night:
Lois: "Meg, if you don't want to babysit anymore, that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me." |
- From the same episode:
Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors? |
- Also,
Stewie: (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend) Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder! |
- It's a bad joke on Meg but still:
Meg: Please go out with me. I'm just trying to make Neil jealous. I promise I'll pay and everything. |
- In the episode "The Perfect Castaway", Peter says that he used to be a construction worker in New York, but he never got the catcalling right. Cue to Peter working on a construction site with three other guys while an attractive woman walks by:
First worker: (whistles) |
- Peter at his cousins wedding, during a cutaway:
Preacher: If anyone has any objections, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace. |
- Stewie, with curlers and a clay face mask on, yelling at Chris to get in the house in "Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High".
- Peter sprays himself with Tag Sick Cat Body Spray.
- "Blind Ambition": Blind!Peter accidentally climbing into Chris's and then Stewie's bed because he thinks they're Lois. Stewie's reaction is the best. "WHAT THE DEUCE?!"
- From "Petarded": Peter is a tumor.
- In "Jungle Love":
Lady Guinevere: Oh, Arthur, if you can remove this sword from it's stone, and prove that you are the true king of England, I will make love to you in this very field. |
Read more tv spoilers at: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/family-guy/episodes/jungle-love/#ixzz1v1w9fou8
Season Five
- Stewie faking an overdose to get Lois' attention in "Stewie Loves Lois".
Brian: You look like a jackass. |
- Kermit the racist.
- "Dude, these animals are so FUCKING funny!"
- "THEY MAKE ME WANNA MERGE WITHOUT LOOKING!"
- "Yeah! Rumsfeld!"
- The army episode full stop, but one line in particular.
Peter: Don't listen to her Chris, the army is great! You get free food, they pay for college and all the brown people you can rape. |
- Getting a birthday telegram from Zinedine Zidane.
- Mickey Rooney's Crazy Pills. One of the few times I've laughed so hard that I teared up. "Hold out your stockings, kids!!"
- When the opening sequence from the episode "Whistle While Your Wife Works" went horribly wrong...
- Anything involving Buzz Killington.
"So who wants to hear a good story about a bridge?" (everyone Face Palm)s |
- Peter's new porn hiding place.
- Chester Cheetah, the exemplar of cool:
(Chester's run-down apartment, "Tom Sawyer" by Rush is playing; Chester chops up a pile of Cheetos with a razor blade like it was cocaine...and then snorts a line of it.) |
- The Opal Ring Crusade.
"He's sitting informally like us! Let's hear what he has to say." |
- Asian women driving. I don't care if it's kind of racist, it's still very funny.
- Peter teaching Sex Ed by repeatedly smashing a Rainbow Brite doll into a bust of William Shakespeare.
- Peter's chick flick Steel Vaginas in "Chick Cancer."
- WE GOTTA GET THIS WOMAN TO SURGERY, RIGHT STAT NOW!
- Joe's "fake legs" (seemingly ripped from an NES game) in said scene.
- And Joe's reaction to the finished movie: "My ass is actually sore. MY ass is actually sore."
- When Stewie and Olivia start dating. They spend the day together and leave before dark because the area they're in is dangerous at night. We then see a lion and a robot fight each other.
- The "Look at my kids" scene.
- WE GOTTA GET THIS WOMAN TO SURGERY, RIGHT STAT NOW!
- The Wiz Shout-Out with a large number of black people randomly dancing in the streets after Mayor West sends the entire police department to Colombia to "rescue" an actress that was there fifteen years ago.
- "Say whip." "Whip." "Now say Cool Whip." "Coo' Hwip." "Cool Whip!" "Coo' Hwhip." "You're eating hair!" *spit*
- "Just relax. We're gonna be here for a hwhile!"
- "Brian, you're acting hweird!"
- "Oh, COME ON! That one doesn't even have an H in it!"
- "Do you have the hwhip?"
- From the same episode, of which the A plot is Meg falling in love with Brian whilst his attempts to reject her just don't get through to her. One of the ways he tries to get out of a relationship with her is pretending he's homosexual.
Brian: "I saw this penis on the internet the other day, and I thought to myself; 'Well that's...that's just fine.'" |
- Later in the same scene:
Brian: "I have plans with Chris. We're gonna do...uh...what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon." |
- The carjacking scene from the episode, "Road to Rupert".
Stewie: Get out of the fucking car! Get out of the fucking car right now man! Do it or I'll fucking kill you! Get the fuck out of the fucking car! |
- Oh, Crone!
- *throws coffee in kid's eyes*
- Peter remembering all the good times he had with his anvil.
- When Stewie says that Brian selling Rupert was more horrible than sex with Sharon Stone. Cut to Sharon with some guy in bed, then her devouring his head like a female praying mantis post-mating.
- Oh, Crone!
- The entirety of "Peter's Two Dads."
Random Guy #1: "She is messed up, man!"
Stewie: "Push her out!" |
- After Francis died, Peter buried him in a pet cemetery and he inexplicably burst out of the ground, prompting Peter to beat him with his shovel.
- It makes perfect sense if you've heard of Pet Sematary.
- The time Peter got stuck behind Robert Loggia at the airport.
- After Peter smokes crack (which he bought from a white guy selling it at Black's Hardware Store) to keep from drinking: "Gubment came and took my baaaaaaaaaby!"
- After Francis died, Peter buried him in a pet cemetery and he inexplicably burst out of the ground, prompting Peter to beat him with his shovel.
Brian: "Peter, what're you doing?!" |
- Stewie delving into the tanning lifestyle. He goes into a tanning bed, tasking Brian to wake him up in fifteen minutes. Brian falls asleep on the couch. For six-and-a-half hours. When he wakes Stewie up, he's roughly the same color as his overalls and can't move without inflicting extreme agony upon himself.
- Immediately after he gets out of the tanning bed, he asks Brian to put some lotion on him. As Mr. Furley from Three's Company walks in, and from his point of view, Stewie's kneeling at Brian's feet with white stuff sprayed on his face...
- The "movie" Stewie's tan friend wrote that is basically Brokeback Mountain from the point of view of the horses. The horse's reaction to what he saw in the tent...
- "Wocka wocka wocka. Who wants to hear a funny ass joke?" That is all.
- What happens when you date a hot girl with bad laugh? Well...
- Peter eats half of a fudgesicle in one bite, and proceeds to cry out in agony until his head EXPLODES!
- Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Conway Twitty.
- The first time, anyway.
- "Decoys, Lois. Decoys!"
- Peter adopts puppies.
- Peter after saying goodbye to Ben Stiller, watches him flying away to the sunset, and says, deeply touched: "His movies are terrible."
- "FORM UP CRIPPLETRON!!"
Peter: Ben Stiller, help me! |
- Stewie moment: when he got a job mocking obese people by following them around and playing a "tuba" (actually a sousaphone)
- The Legion of Doom scene in "It Takes a Village Idiot and I Married One."
Lex Luthor: How did she(Lois) discover our plan? |
- Peter's cowboy song.
- "Donny Most..."
- It's Don Most now.
- The guys talking about their work on Lois's campaign.
Peter: Boy, you guys, I really appreciate all the help you've given us. Expect for you, Quagmire, you ain't done nothing. |
- In "Meet the Quagmires," after Brian's rendition of "Never Gonna Give You Up", it cuts to a shot of the audience, standing still and gaping. After a few seconds, we hear a random person say, "I didn't like any of that." It's just the way he says it that makes it so funny.
- One episode has Peter blowing a raspberry every time Meg's name is mentioned, prompting Chris to then repeat Meg's name over and over again until Lois tells him to stop. At the end of the episode, he does so again, but actually farts on the last mention of Meg. "Uh-oh...Pardon me."
- After Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland share their fears about the proctologist, Joe says: "You guys are a bunch of queers." And rolls away. And comes back and says, "AND SO AM I!"
- Peter's Oh Crap reaction and how he hides in a tree from Lois after he beats up Kyle in a rage.
- "Saving Private Brian": Peter trying to cover the sounds of his farts by coughing at a meeting.
- In "Hell Comes To Quahog" Meg says she's going to get a job to pay for a car and Chris tells her he'll pay her a dollar a day to smell his sneakers. His repeated laughing and the family's bored reactions to this are hilarious.
Season Six
- "Man, hyperspace always looks so freaky..."
- Made even better if you're a Doctor Who fan.
- And the rest of the Star Wars parody for that matter.
- Herbert at his stand singing "YMCA" in "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air"
- "Mr. Griffin, I'm afraid your coma's in a daughter."
- The 'Over' scene where Brian and Stewie fix a house.
- Please say over when you finish your post, over.
- Rides a ten speed everywhere guy.
Trisha Takanowa: What kind of cancer? |
- The 72 "virgins"
- Brian showing Stewie 2girls1cup.
- Peter watches BET's newest earth science program, "Damn, nature! You scary." (from 0:59)
- The entirety of the episode where Brian has a son.
- Specifically, there's something strangely funny when Brian's potential date said that magic is sexy. But the real laughs came when Peter, for no reason at all, dressed as Count Dracula with a big groin:
Brian: Peter, that costume doesn't make any sense. |
- "My Pot! Your Pot?"
- "Anna took a dump on me!"
- Peter's identity is stolen by James Woods, so Peter steals his and gets revenge by ruining his career. He does so by announcing "his" new comedy, September 11th: Two Thousand FUN.
Peter (posing as James Woods): "I play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center. And whaddya think I see comin'? A plane. And I go, 'Come on!' I-it's real old style comedy, you know? It's like two pies in the face...and one in a field in Pennsylvania." |
Season Seven
- From "I Dream Of Jesus":
- Huh...that's odd, we seem to be missing a certain ornithological piece, and example of a certain avian variety...
- Oh, have you not heard?
- Heard what?
- OH DEAR GOD NOOO--!
- A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a...
- Huh...that's odd, we seem to be missing a certain ornithological piece, and example of a certain avian variety...
Adam West: My God, is it possible? *to his aide* Have the boys at the lab confirm this! |
- Brian and Stewie's utter ownage of that record, set to Geto Boys' "Still".
- The fact that they proceeded to do the same to every copy of the record in three stores.
- Jesus having dinner with the Griffins:
- Brian and Stewie's utter ownage of that record, set to Geto Boys' "Still".
Meg: I love you, Jesus! |
- From "Road to Germany", Stewie's European See 'n Say.
See 'n Say: The cow says: "Shazoo!" |
- Leading to a Brick Joke later, after the time machine.
Brian: Where are we? |
- The part in "Baby Not On Board" with the tropical birds. "My tropical bird collection, just in case." "Just in case WHAT? We're not gonna need a dozen tropical birds." "Oh, I was not aware that you could see the future, Lois. Can I go ahead and get tomorrow's lottery number? Stupid woman."
- The ending of "The Man With Two Brians". You can see New Brian slowly pressing Stewie's Berserk Button hard enough to break the console. The cut to the aftermath is purely supplementary by the end of it.
- Those two little boys getting drunk from vodka-laced lemonade.
- Lindsay Lohan taking a DUI rap for Mr. Magoo.
It'll be my 3rd strike! I can't go to prison, they'll rape me! And I'll never see them coming, I won't. |
- From "Stew-Roids", World War 5.
- Peter's stab at Joaquin Phoenix in "Three Kings".
"Welcome back and Joaquin Phoenix if you're still watching, thanks for being a sport. You passed our test and you can be our friend." |
- Four Words: Slowly Rotating Black Man.
- Peter must repeat the third grade in the episode "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" and, as such, must attend show and tell. One girl shows the class her Malibu Barbie doll.
Peter: "Oh, my god. Who the hell cares? |
Season Eight
- "The Road To The Multiverse". Disney-esque Family Guy. That is all.
- Peter looks like Doc!
- ...Up until the end of that sequence. Everything up to that was bloody hilarious, though.
- For some that bit just made it funnier.
- Appalling and horrible, but hilarious.
- Or for that matter, Family Guy Robot Chicken style:
- Made all the funnier when you realize who voices who.
- When Brian and Stewie are a real baby and a real dog.
- When Quagmire thought he was getting the spin-off.
"See ya later, bitches! With your stupid fuckin' Giant Chicken jokes and your Conway Twitty -- Hey, why's there a moving truck outside Cleveland's house?" |
- The sequence where Quagmire discovers internet porn. It was good for a twofer: first, there's the scene in the bar where you realize Quagmire, the pervert extraordinaire, has no idea that porn can be found on the internet. Then the scene later on where Peter sees him again after a long time...and he's got an absolutely massive right arm.
- Left arm, actually. Making it cannon, I guess, that Quagmire is left-handed.
- Peter's Palestinian alarm clock. It explodes.
- From that episode's subplot:
Clone!Brian: Hey, Brian! Knock-knock! |
- From the same episode, Peter, Joe, and Quagmire go to a strip club to make Quagmire feel better about giving his daughter away. Quagmire leaves and Peter and Joe deal with a teacher stripper ... who really gets into her work.
- The London Gentlemen's Club. Basically, imagine three guys just sitting around reading newspapers, communicating entirely in throat-clearing for about a full minute.
- ...Road House.
- ...Ghost.
- From "Business Guy"
Dr. House: House. |
- The African American Heart Monitor.
- "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." *flatline* "Aw, he dead." And in the same episode:
- "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He cool."
- *Carter spazzing out and machine vocalizing* "GHOST DAD!"
- "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He cool."
- In "Big Man on Hippocampus", Stewie's answers, while Lois is playing Fast Money round on Family Feud, especially his fourth answer.
Richard Dawson: Name something you sit in. |
- "It may interest movie buffs that Peter O'Toole's name is a slang for penis".
- "Dial Meg for Murder"'s Take That at "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven", especially the Goofy part. "Be careful Brian. Not all dogs go to heaven."
- Terri Schiavo! Is kind of alive-oh! Seriously, some may have thought it was going a bit TOO far, but I think that the beginning bit automatically swings this around so many times that it's the funniest moment BY FAR of Season 8 as of now.
- I laughed because I was thinking the same exact thing as Chris and Brian started to ponder whether this was too soon or too late.
- "April in Quahog" also gets a Running Gag joke. Peter does crystal meth TWICE, and so does Brian at the end.
Peter: I am SO fucking ready! *jumps through Stewie's ceiling* |
- From the same episode, Adam West making an angry letter to the black hole before donning a fishbowl helmet and jetpack, flying into space and punching the Orion constellation. It then turns into the Orion Pictures logo.
Adam West: That's right! You're nothing but a failed production company! |
- Peter thinks the world is ending, so he decides to go to a black neighborhood and shout out the N-word. The next scene has Lois in the kitchen when Peter walks up with crown, ermine cape, scepter, and a sash reading "King of the Black People".
Peter: They respected me for it. |
- Brian's 26-second long puking in "Quagmire's Dad".
- Also noteworthy is Brian and Stewie's panicked, disgusting screaming immediately upon the discovery as to why he was puking. He did a transgender woman. Not just ANY transgender woman: Quagmire's dad.
- Which leads to a ton of Dramatic Irony. Oh, and when Quagmire finds out about it...
- The Getting Crap Past the Radar scene from the Adult Swim/probably DVD version of the beginning of that episode, in which multiple puns are made upon the fact that the french word for seal, "phoque," sounds a lot like a certain English profanity. Spoiler alert: "fuck." Watch it here.
- Also noteworthy is Brian and Stewie's panicked, disgusting screaming immediately upon the discovery as to why he was puking. He did a transgender woman. Not just ANY transgender woman: Quagmire's dad.
- This scene from "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side", featuring Luke's snowspeeder gunner, Dack.
Dack: Feeling okay, sir? |
- "The Splendid Source": In order to get away from the people who write the world's dirty jokes (who are holding them prisoner), Peter throws a candle which starts the building on fire.
Leader: Hurry! It's about to get the world's first dead baby joke! |
- In "Go, Stewie, Go", when Meg enters and sees Lois seducing Meg's new boyfriend.
Lois: Um...rape?
|
Season Nine
- Seamus's fake origin from "And There Were Fewer".
- From "Brian Writes a Bestseller":
- From "Welcome Back, Carter":
- Limo jousting.
- Carter addressing the people of France.
- From the same episode, Babs's ex-boyfriend "Rodginald".
Carter: Get away from my wife, you rascal! |
- Peter making his poor father-in-law invite everyone to his house to watch The Big Bang Theory.
- Just about every scene with House, made even funnier because Hugh Laurie is playing the character. The literal version of him not playing by the rules, reviving the Road House gag, and him speaking in Laurie's natural, upper-class British accent after his Scooby-Doo Hoax is exposed.
- Peter: "I need that money for bourbon and anime!"
Peter during cutaway: I don't understand any of this. Everyone in Japan is either a ten-year old girl or a monster! |
- Brian and Stewie failing their first Christmas delivery as Santa Claus in "Road to the North Pole".
- Why can't it be both?
- The punchline makes everything better for others.
- Why can't it be both?
Stewie: Oh my god, we're at the wrong house! |
- From the same episode, Stewie's lamentation when the Mall Santa left for the night...
Stewie: That son of a bitch, he just turned his back on me! The way reality turned its back on Gary Busey! |
Winnie the Pooh: "Come on, Eeyore, let's go play! |
- In the episode "New Kidney in Town", four words: Peter on Red Bull. That is all.
- Barack Obama singing You Gotta Be Sincere from Bye Bye Birdie was quite honestly the funniest thing the show has done in a very long time.
- Patrick Stewart providing the voice of Susie Swanson's inner thoughts. Yes, really.
This feels right but it tastes like a dirty penny." |
- The "Carter destroys bench" scene in "Trading Spaces."
"You loved that bench!" |
- The Street Fighter II-style fight between Peter and Mr. Washi-Washi.
- Brian comparing Quagmire to a black woman in hindsight.
- Peter's extended Michael J. Fox cutaway.
- The sequence in "It's A Trap!" where Brian is driving the AT-ST.
- Chewbacca/Brian being attacked by a swarm of bees.
- Robert Loggia screaming "NOT OKAY!" after an AIDS joke. HUGE Non Sequitur Scene.
- The AIDS joke itself was much more clever then one would have expected from a show like this:
Mayor West: Oh by the way I should tell you I've got aids. |
- "I heard all of that, and I just want to say this family is fucking disintegrating."
- Three words: Muppet style sight seeing.
- From the same episode, calling the music video for David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing In The Street" gay, then playing the entirety of it. It catching a lot of flack for being pointless, but it definitely turns the video into total Narm.
- Pre-wheelchair Joe performing the original American Dad intro.
- From "Brothers & Sisters", there's Peter's flashback to - since he didn't have a brother or sister - having a "broster" in his past.
Broster: "Hey, Peter, wanna see my paginis?" |
Season Ten
- The Black Woman V.S. The Italian Man from "Seahorse Seashell Party".
Italian Man: Hey, you can't park there! |
- "IT'S NOT A LIQUID! IT'S A GREAT MANY PIECES OF SOLID MATTER, THAT FORM A HARD FLOOR-LIKE SURFACE!"
- Quagmire auto erotically asphyxiated watching clown porn.
- The Iraq Lobster. A hilarious scene in an otherwise depressing episode.
- Tons of Mood Whiplash here. After the most heartbreaking scene in the episode, we see Peter looking through the door's peephole and seeing Quagmire distorted in the glass with a sad face. When we see Quagmire, he face really was distorted like that from lack of sleep hearing the abuse going on in his house.
- Porch-of-Geese
- Getting a straight answer from a 23-year old girl.
- Soliciting a rooster.
Man: I don't know what this "cock-a-doodle-doo" thing is, but it sounds gay and it sound scatalogical. I'm in. |
- Heck, the only thing funny about this episode were the cutaways.
- Peter's Mexican fart.
Mexican...ghost...thing that came out of Peter's ass: "CON CUIDADO, ES EL STIIIIINKO!" *fires guns into the air, causing everyone to run away screaming* |
- Stewie crashing the car.
- Too many parts in "Back to the Pilot" to list.
- The dozens of alternate Brians and Stewies. That is all.
- Present Brian and Stewie making the Kool-Aid Man late for his "oh no" arrival. Followed by him tripping and shattering.
- Alternate!Bush's "press statement" after the announcement that the South's leaving the Union again:
Clip of Bush: Can anyone get me a clown's suitcase? I'd like to see what's inside it. (clip ends) |
Peter: Chris, I heard you got a D on your report card. Here's a cutaway. (Cut to Peter standing against a blank white background.) Matthew McConaughey is terrible. |
- "Pebble in my shoe, pebble in my shoe, pebble in my shoe."
- Frogmire. That is all.
Frogmire: Ribbity. |
- YE SUCK
- Peter taking one bite out of a rice cake and reacting violently to it.
- Peter trying to resist the urge of a delicious pie and warding off the cliched hand-like motion of the hot steam. So the steam tries to rape him! And it's making Quagmire watch!
- Sitting behind a giraffe at a ball game.
- The Vacation-style credits. The final one had me laughing my ass off! Chris was churning that butter pretty hard.
- Stewie's Incredibly Lame Pun when the family winds up in Amish country. As well as Brian's reaction to it.
- Peter trying to reason with Meg's Amish boyfriend's dad. Eventually the dad agrees to let them see each other, but then Peter breaks out a radio in order to 'teach them about rock and roll.' The song on the radio that Peter sings along to at the top of his lungs? Highway to Hell.
- "This food is so fucking good Lois." "Oh, okay. Wow."
- The girls dressing Brian in a bee suit.
- Followed by Lois telling them to do Stewie, leading to this hilarious and badass line.
Stewie: Alright, I guess this is the night bitches die. |
- He says this while spinning the barrel of a revolver.
- When the Southern cop who spots some (obviously planted) drugs in the guys' trunk...
Cleveland: Aw, come on! You planted that there! |
- The guys are in a Southern court. And The Simpsons cast is the jury!
Quagmire: Well, at least it's a jury of our peers. |
- Peter ripping off someone's face a la Scooby Doo.
- Joe's Fiona Apple tribute video.
- How Every Pizza Place ruins a salad.
Employee 1: OK, 4 pizzas and a salad.
Employee 1: Hello, Every Pizza Place. |
- "Lois. Griffin. Peter. Griffin. We. Heard. A loon."
- The moment Chris introduces his new girlfriend Lindsey and we see she looks exactly like Lois.
- The "hooker."
- A blind person's interpretation of Titanic.
- The Japanese version of tai-chi:
Japanese Guy #1: Hey, you wanna see a movie? |
- Brian watching The Adventures of Milo and Otis.
- This...
Brian: This place can teach these kids independence. |
- Stewie is afraid of the robot on the cover of Queen's "News Of The World"
Stewie: God, why does he look SAD? He's already destroyed mankind, what else could he want? |
- Peter finding "Surfin' Bird" annoying.
- "Who else but Shirtpants?"