Badass Santa/Quotes

Santa's Comin' And he's gonna kick your ass
He's gonna kick your ass
He's gonna kick your ass
Santa's comin' and he's gonna kick your ass
Because you've always been a rotten little brat

— The Arrogant Worms, "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass", from their Christmas Turkey CD

Mordecai: Come on, you don't even look like Santa Claus.
Rigby: Yeah, Santa's all fat and junk.
Mordecai: And he smells like gingerbread cookies.
Rigby: He's got rosy cheeks.
Mordecai: Yeah, your cheeks are more bruised colored.
Rigby: And you smell like you stepped in something.
Santa Claus: Well, sorry to disappoint you. But I was just shot at! Fell 3,500 feet and crashed through a garage. Besides, all that other stuff was just made up by advertising companies. Trust me! I'm the real Santa Claus!

—Regular Show

Santa's going to wear a black vest just for me and you.
Santa's going to grunt in latin and slay a dragon or two.

—Gothic Christmas by Within Temptation

Santa's got a brand new bag...OF PAIN!

— The Angry Video Game Nerd and Captain S Team Up

He plays bass / with Aerosmith
Reads to sick orphans too
he goes surfing in space / and makes really good fondue
He shoots lasers from his eyes / and knits curtains for free
He'll fight monsters for fun / and hang out with Mr. T

— The Nostalgia Critic on Santachrist (at the end of the Star Wars Holiday Special) review.

So apparently, Santa is an international group of muscular secret agents skilled in the art of Parkour who have dedicated one day of the year to deliver presents throughout the globe?

— Anonymous person watching this

Ho ho ho! I'm here to chew candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy canes!

— Mystery Science Theater 3000, Santa Claus