Your Vampires Suck/Quotes

Well, you can still be destroyed, but forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. Cross? Pfft... shove it right up their asses. A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Running water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... O-occasionally.

—Smiling Jack, Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines

You listen to me, Twilight - My god, is that really the name you picked? Twilight? Y'know I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)

—Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 8 #33

Bela Lugosi's dead, and so am I. But what's left of Bela is rotting in a pine coffin somewhere, while I have the opportunity to sit here on the balcony, enjoy my drink, and look at you. Correct me if I am presumptuous, but I suspect I have the better end of the deal.

—Opening to Vampire: The Masquerade sourcebook

Oh God, I'm Pattinson!

—Dean, Supernatural, "Live Free or Twi-Hard"

Edward: (There's a knock at the door) Hold on. (goes to the door) Who is it?

Alu card: Oh, you know. (Shoots Edward about a hundred times through the door) A REAL fucking vampire!

—Hellsing Abridged, by Team Four Star

But a real vampire would have a hunch

To never fall in love with your high school lunch!

—Voltaire (musician), Vampire Club (Twilight Version)