Tales of the Drunken Paladin

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

A few years ago, in the entirely fictional kingdom of Maine, a political band of foreign diplomats, known as They, seized control of the throne and began manipulating the current king in power. Plundering Maine's rich economy, this mysterious organization was eventually found out and expedited viciously by a small force of totally radical warriors, chief among them the protagonist of our story: Anebriate.

Anebriate is a paladin. He's also drunk most of the time. One morning he finds out that his house is being foreclosed upon, even though he's rich (which absolutely has nothing to do with the fortune stolen from They). On the way, he gets "kicked in the head by a moose" and forgets everything that has happened in the last few years.

However, he does remember that he's hungry, and heads to Larry's bar. During his visit, the bar is set ablaze by a hitman, and Anebriate, teaming up with a cardinal named Palmer (and Emma), is forced to trek through the monster-infested Labyrinth beneath the bar to get some help. Returning to the bar, our heroes discover that the patrons escaped through a backdoor, and Anebriate begins his search for the person that had set Larry's on fire...

Tales of the Drunken Paladin is an RPG Maker game, which is a unique adventure filled with hilarious moments. Ignore everything you know about RPGs. Typical potions are replaced with alcoholic beverages, swords are useless and boring, and save points are replaced with Mystical Save Hobos.

The first expansion to the game, Big Trouble in Little China, Maine, continues the story from where it left off at the end of the original game. This time, Anebriate and friends must head to Webber's hometown of China, Maine, where strange things are afoot.

The second and final expansion, named Hobotropolis, was released in November of 2011. Palmer and Robert drag Anebriate off to a holiday in the Save Realm, to the fabled Hobotropolis. After the events of the previous expansion, the realm is in chaos and is being held together in the tenuous but tyrannical grip of Groobs.

The official site can be found here.

Tropes used in Tales of the Drunken Paladin include:

Anebriate: "Allow me to break the fourth wall for a moment. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES TO MAKE THESE OBJECTS INTERACTIVE? YEARS, MAN. APPRECIATE THIS SHIT.

Anebriate: "Why is it that everything we encounter turns into a shit-hole? What's next? Giant whales and hippie tribes!?"

  • Fun with Acronyms: S.O.A.P: The SCYTHE OF AWESOME POWER!
  • Genre Savvy: Despite having amnesia, Anebriate is pretty on the ball on what to expect in an upcoming dungeon. He usually approaches the situation with a lot of snark.
  • Glass Cannon: Greg. His normal attack deals fairly high unblockable (mostly) damage. His Critical Pitch move can increase anyone's critical rate by a large margin, including his. In Hobotropolis, he will fall in one hit of nearly every single-target attack, having about half the HP and vitality of everyone else. Fortunately he can also greatly buff his own evasion, reducing the glassiness a little.
  • God Mode Sue: In-Universe. Anebriate, at the beginning of the game, starts out nigh invincible with an attack the deals thousands of points in damage and a ridiculously powerful healing spell ...Then he loses his memory, and with it all of his power disappears, and he is reduced to extremely weak spells and attacks until he levels up sufficiently.
  • Great Escape: Happens soon after getting locked up by Groobs. It succeeds for two reasons: Les Collaborateurs and because the guards didn't realise that they had to take away everyone's weapons (they hadn't done prison work before, you understand). It's so ineffective that Robert manages to engineer his own accidental escape.
  • Heroes Prefer Swords: Well, Emma likes rapiers but Anebriate seems to think swords are utterly boring.
  • Hot Amazon: Karla is implied to be this. Palmer feels emasculated. And a little turned on.

Palmer: "Have you NOT seen her up close? She's a furless grizzly bear. Those jaws of hers were BUILT for castration."

THEN WEBBER FIND THIS MAN AND TEAR OUT HIS SPINE! AND ALSO PUNCH HIS FACE!

  • Idiot Hero: Anebriate is really, really slow sometimes.
  • Improbable Weapon User: A surprising lack of odd weapons given the type of game it is. The most relevant example is the umbrella - the Save Wraiths' only weakness.
  • Informed Attribute: If Albert is in the active party, there's a girl in Gardiner who claims that Albert has a voice of a thousand angels. However at that point, Albert never speaks and is believed to be a mute.
  • Inn Security
  • Insistent Terminology: In a conversation between Ugarr and Anebriate, Ugarr keeps insisting that he's wearing fighting pants while Anebriate insists on calling them underwear.
    • An earlier example is in Litchfield, where Palmer keeps telling Anebriate that his weapon is a cane not a stick.
  • I Take Offense to That Last One:

Old Man Cheever: "In my day, we had respect for the REAL adventurers, not a bunch of soft-headed, slack-jawed, pudgy clowns!"
Anebriate: "Hey! I'm not pudgy!"

  • Jerkass: Palmer and the Save Hobo who acts like this to Anebriate for most of Book III. Anebriate is one to the Hobo in return. He eventually back-talks so much to the hobo that he quits his job and is replaced by another hobo who threatens something unspeakable to Anebriate if he doesn't shut up and just cooperate.
  • Kleptomaniac Hero, Found Underwear: Anebriate found Emma's.
  • The Last Horse Crosses the Finish Line:

Karla: Zhat is correct, paladin. But zhat is not even zhe peculiar zhing. After zhat, zhe man stood up and valked avay.
Anebriate: Wait, wait wait... did you just say "valked?"
Karla: ... Yes, he valked avay. Zhat is vhat I zaid.
Anebriate: HOW DID I JUST NOTICE YOUR ACCENT?

  • Leaked Experience
  • Magic Knight: Emma, with a much greater emphasis on the knight part - strange for someone whose class is Warlock. Her magic seems to be almost entirely devoted to strengthening her physical attacks.
  • Making a Splash: A couple of Deemer's secret moves are this.
  • Mad Scientist: Dr. Weird asks Anebriate to hunt down a potato, a chicken, and a cow in a side quest. Yes, there are monsters you must actually defeat for this.
  • Mistaken for Gay: Dave. He steered Anebriate into thinking this in one conversation he has. He's actually talking about hermit crabs the whole time though.
  • Names to Run Away From Really Fast: Every name on the list in the building next to the docks in Gardiner... except Dave.
  • Nice Guy: Dave is willing enough to give Anebriate and the others a ride on his boat for free.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Numerous examples.
  • No Indoor Voice: WEBBER.
    • As well as Barnaby Jones, Dr. Weird, and Mechanicor for the most part.
  • Nun-Too-Holy: Despite being a priest, Palmer's hobbies include beating old people and children as well as being misogynistic though the last part was reversed when they are in Augusta.
  • Optional Boss: Many. Most notorious is the potato.
  • Picky Eater: Anebriate enjoys drinking every type of beverage, alcoholic or not, except for wine and tea. Those are for pussies.
    • However, this doesn't stop him from stealing the communion wine in a church.
  • Playing with Fire: Deemer has a few secret moves on this.
  • Point Build System: The Brownie Points each character gets when leveling up.
  • The Psycho Rangers: Corpse versions of Anebriate, Palmer, Steve, and others.
  • Rare Candy: The various potions you get after brewing flowers.
  • Really Gets Around: As the name implies, Been-Around-Betty.
  • The Rival: Antoxicate to Anebriate
  • Running Gag: When Webber gets mad, he'll threaten to do many violent acts to his aggressor. AND PUNCH HIS FACE.
  • Shaggy Dog Story: After going through the annoyingly long Larry's Labyrinth in order to get outside and save the patrons of the bar, they discover that all of the patrons of the bar escaped through a backdoor while they were trekking through. In fact, having to go through the dungeon is one of the reasons why they're going after the one who tried to burn down Larry's.
  • Shock and Awe: Anebriate has a few secret moves based on this.
  • Shout-Out: The champion of the Dangerdome in Hobotropolis is... Charles Barkley.
  • Shmuck Bait: There's a barrel you can examine at one point where Anebriate tells you that you can activate God Mode by entering in the Konami Code in the time he gives you afterward.
    • Don't examine that basket of potatoes until you're stronger. The potato will end you.
  • Spoony Bard: Greg has all of Edward's durability and speed but much more power.
  • Stone Wall: Anebriate has a much higher health and defense than the other party members. Karla even more than that.
  • Strong Family Resemblance: Webber looks exactly like his own mother. Including the beard and helmet. Except that Webber doesn't wear makeup.
    • Not to mention that Webber's father also looks like him only his beard is black.
    • Despite not having face art like her parents and brother, Webber's sister Webber-Anne looks kind of like Webber only her outfit is pink.
  • Third Person Person: Webber doesn't know what personal pronouns are. Seriously.
  • Those Two Bad Guys: The warden and the jailer of Hobotropolis prison, for the short time they appear on-screen.
  • The Voiceless: Albert is this, crossing over to The Silent Bob in an occasion or two.
  • Whip It Good: Dave's choice of weapons.
  • Worthless Yellow Rocks: Gold to Save Hobos, who value stones more. To emphasize, their entire slum sector is made entirely from gold.
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