Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide/Characters

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


This is for all of the myriad characters in Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.

Students

Ned Bigby

Devon Werkheiser

The Hero and a fairly nice average guy who gives people tips to survive school and often comes up with zany schemes to tackle his problems.

Jennifer "Moze" Mosely

Lindsey Shaw

The sensible one of the main trio and a dedicated volleyball player.

Simon Nelson "Cookie" Cook

Daniel Curtis Lee

The nerd of the group and a "self-proclaimed" cyborg who also gets caught up in wacky schemes, usually lacking even less in the common sense department than Ned's.

Suzie Crabgrass

Christian Serratos

One of the most popular girls in school and the object of Ned's affection for the first two seasons and girlfriend in the third, as well as Moze's best friend who's a girl and volleyball co-captain

Billy Loomer

Kyle Swann

The school bully who frequently targets Ned and has a crush on Moze. He dated Suzie for most of season 2.

Lisa Zemo

Rachel Sibner

A nerdy girl with a crush on Cookie that he generally ignored for seasons 1 and 2. Eventually had her braces removed and got contacts, getting the attention of a considerable amount of boys, including Cookie.

Missy Meany

Carlie Casey

The most popular girl in school and a total bitch. Eventually develops a psychotic obsession with Ned.

Moze: If you don't like Missy, why don't you just tell her?
Ned: Because reason doesn't work on crazy people!

Famen Fourtune

Vinicius Machado

Moze's Brazilian love interest for Season 3.

Coconut Head

Rob Pinkston

A kid with a bowl haircut.

Martin Qwerly

Tylor Chase

A peppy overachiever and Motor Mouth

  • Keet
  • Meaningful Name: A play on the words "smart 'n' squirrely", which he is indeed.
    • Lampshaded in his first appearance, where Ned provides Martin as an example of a "smart 'n' squirrely" project partner.
  • Motor Mouth: To the point where Ned can replace himself with a cardboard cutout and Martin will still go on for a couple hours. Often accompanied by a Leitmotif.
  • Punny Name: See Meaningful Name

Backpack Boy

Kendre Berry

A boy whose always wearing a backpack, and has a wide collection of them for any occasion.

Claire Sawyer, Future Lawyer

Brooke Marie Bridges

A girl who plans on becoming a lawyer and thus plays lawyer to the main and side characters on numerous occasions.

  • Beta Couple: With Backpack Boy
  • Catch Phrase: "Claire Sawyer, Future Lawyer."
  • Phrase Catcher: To her Catch Phrase, people always reply with, "Claire. We've known ya since pre-K."
  • Running Gag: Whenever a character has a problem, she'll always appear, hand them a business card, and say her Catch Phrase.
    • Ironically the one time Ned deliberately called for her, she didn't appear right away. Ned had to actually shout her name for her to show up.
  • The Stoic:

Backpack Boy gives Claire a valentine.
Claire (With no expression): This is funny.
Backpack Boy: But you're not laughing.
Claire (Mad): Yes, I am.

The Huge Crew

A group of bullies who stalk Ned.

Scoop

Vincent Martella

The school newshound and photographer.

Faculty

Gordy

Darrin Norris

The school Day Janitor who helps the kids with their problems and is essentially a fourth member of the main trio.

  • Almighty Janitor
  • Bunny Ears Lawyer: Subverted/inverted in "The New Kid," where another janitor competes for Gordy's position. Gordy keeps the job... not because of his competence (the other janitor was in fact a lot better), but because he was shown to care more about the students than his competition did.
  • Catch Phrase: "I'll let the night guy handle it"
  • Hey, It's That Guy!/Hey, It's That Voice! (Darrin Norris has had some bit live-action roles like in Veronica Mars as well as voicing upwards of a third of the major Fairly Oddparents characters, among many other VA roles. He occasionally uses his voice talents in the show.)
  • Man Child

Vice-Principal Crubbs

Hamilton Mitchell

The Vice Principal of the School who acts like a cop and hams it up.

Mr. Sweeney

Don Creech

The science teacher who is seen as a Sadist Teacher by most of the students.

Mr./Dr. Wright

Meshach Taylor

The season 2 history teacher and Season 3 principal after Principal Pal retires

Mr. Chopsaw

Dave Florek

The Woodshop Teacher and Moze's mentor.

iTeacher

Mo Collins

A teacher who uses a computer to teach math from home.

  • Hilarious in Hindsight: Appeared long before iCarly ever existed.
  • Sadist Teacher: At first, but it turns out it was a sort of Jerkass Facade so she wouldn't be scared of her students from that year on. Ironically, it had the opposite effect until she loosened up.

Mr. Monroe

Jim J. Bullock

The flamboyant Life Science and Health teacher, as well as editor of the school newspaper.

Lunch Lady Rose

Loni Love

The school lunch lady who can see the future in beans.

  • Catch Phrase: "It's in the BEANS."
  • Cassandra Truth: Every prediction she makes comes true, no matter how ridiculous.
    • She said Cookie would get creamed, mashed, and black eyed. At the end of the episode, he got all those types of things...but they were food instead.
  • Cool Old Lady
  • Sassy Black Woman

Principal Irving Pal

John Bliss

The school's principal, who later becomes the school history teacher after he retires from being the principal.

Mrs. Nap

The former history teacher. Retires later and is replaced by Principal Pal.

  • Meaningful Name: She sleeps. A lot.
  • Lazy Bum: Not only is she always sleeping, but when told to retire her first instinct is to shout "Thank Heavens! I'm outta here!" and bolt through the door.
  • Senior Sleep Cycle
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