Growing Up Cullen

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

"EMMETT CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN I AM READING PROUST!!!!"

Once upon a time, the obsession known as Twilight was and is still a great source of parody around the Internet. Mid-2008, two LJ-ers by the names of saint_renegade and oxymoronassoc went on a RP-ing session that greatly exaggerated the characters of Twilight, especially Edward and Emmett Cullen.

In short, Twilight was Turned Up to Eleven.

Icons and approval abounded, and in total five RP-ing sessions were posted, one official batch of icons, and many, many, many quotes.

Can be read here [dead link].

Tropes used in Growing Up Cullen include:
  • Actor Allusion: "NO I DO NOT THINK IT BIG HEADED TO THINK THAT I AM AS HANDSOME AS CEDRIC. IT IS JUST A FACT OF LIFE"
  • All Men Are Perverts/All Women Are Prudes: Edward assumes that the kinkier aspects of Emmett and Rosalie's relationship are all Emmett's idea, since Rosalie is "TOO PURE FOR SUCH THINGS."
  • Auto Erotica: Edward is horrified to learn that Emmett and Rosalie have had sex in his car.
  • The Beard: Rosalie becomes convinced Bella and Edward are this to each other.
  • Canon: In Midnight Sun it turns out the Cullen's really do have family meetings. And Edward says himself in Breaking Dawn that he had a lot of time to pick up hobbies, since he wasn't involved with anyone.
  • Character Exaggeration: Half - no, all - of the fun.
  • Creepy Child: Renesmee, Emmett especially is creeped out by her power and the Wife Husbandry.
  • Digital Piracy Is Evil: "THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO FEED THEIR FAMILES YOU KNOW"
  • Dirty Mind Reading: "YOUR MIND CONFUSES ME EMMETT, PLEASE GO BACK TO THINKING ABOUT FOOTBALL...NO! NO EMMETT I SAID FOOTBALL, MY GOODNESS. NO I DO NOT WONDER WHAT [BELLA] LOOKS LIKE NAKED"
  • Emo Teen: Edward, to a ludicrous extent.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Emmett isn't exactly evil, but his reaction when he thinks Edward is raping Bella. In his words, "THERE ARE RULES."
  • Everything Is Better With Monkeys: Subverted when Edward flees to South America to deal with the break-up."VERMIN! LEAVE ME!"
  • Family-Unfriendly Violence: How Edward sees Emmett's video-game habits.

"MUST YOU PISTOL WHIP EVERYONE, EMMETT?"

"THIS IS GROSS, HOW DO YOU WE LIVE LIKE THIS?"

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