Butt Monkey/Quotes

"We seem to be made to suffer; it's our lot in life."

—C-3PO, Star Wars

"I lead a cursed life!"

—Yousuke, Persona 4, finally realizing that he is this trope.

"Why is everybody always pickin' on me?"

—from the chorus to "Charlie Brown", by The Coasters (and no, the song is not about that Charlie Brown)

"A History of American Farming by Peter Fox: who had a very rough time getting out of bed this morning and didn't eat breakfast and who pinched his left thumb in his gym locker and lost his favorite pencil in the library and whose day got even worse when..."

—Peter Fox writing his essay for a 'sympathy grade' (which takes up several pages).

Actually, the crawling awkwardness starts with the introductory fiction. It's about an overweight computer nerd with glasses, bad skin, and bad hair - and everybody picks on him! There's even a pair of pictures with him looking all sad. Aww.

Gandhi would have kicked this kid's ass.

—Darren MacLennon, review of the Wraeththu RPG.

"If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer."

—Red Dwarf

Claret: And what valliant deeds did your employers do?

Nodwick: They valiantly fed me to a hydra, sundered an ancient seal with my head, and spoiled an evil wizard's spell by substituting my nose for one of the spell components. Huzzah.

Fran: Where's Manny?

Bernard: He's not here.

Fran: Well how can I find him?

Bernard: You could become a terrible event and happen to him.

—Black Books

"Sometimes, I'm afraid to be happy, because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."

—Charlie Brown

"Hey c'mon, make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightning rod of hate!"

—Colin Mochrie, Whose Line Is It Anyway?

"Nobody likes Milhouse!"

—Dewey Largo (the music teacher), The Simpsons

"Sometimes, I think I was born to be picked on..."

—Moses Sandor, Tales of Legendia

"Unfortunately, life likes to play a little game called "Up yours, Moe.""

—Moe, The Simpsons

"But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him."

—The Colour of Magic (describing Rincewind, of course)

If you're going to probe anyone, probe Chris!

—Dan after he and Chris get taken by a UFO, Dan Vs.

Wow. Even my dreams hate me.

—Jerry, Code Monkeys

It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world.

—Pokemon Fire Red's Pokedex entry for Magikarp

I think somebody rubbed all the sixes off the dice he throws.

—Kevyn Andreyasn on John der Trihs, Schlock Mercenary

I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Gibbs, now where is that monkey, I want to shoot something!

—Jack Sparrrow to Joshamee Gibbs, Pirates of the Caribbean

Wh-Why is everyone ganging up on me? It's so unfair... It's just that... I fell in love with Ragna the Bloodedge...

—Noel Vermillion when all the other female characters gang up on her over Ragna in Rachel's gag ending, Blaz Blue: Continuum Shift

Why can't I do anything when it really counts!?

—Zorne Sepperin, Rosenkreuzstilette

He hath been most notoriously abused.

—Olivia on Malvolio, hanging a lampshade at the end of Twelfth Night

Are we laughing at Yamcha? Because I'm always up for that.

—King Kai, Dragon Ball Abridged.