Axis Powers Hetalia/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Manga

"It's the Greek army! The Greek army has come!!!

1. "Not really."
2. "I was just thinking about throwing this out."
3. "Your clothes are cooler."

    • A. Distract with your sweet yo-yo skills.
  • All of the mochi comics are as hilarious as the are bizarre. "I just thought, 'it's a lettuce.' I was wrong. It's my daddy." The aliens sum it up pretty well: "Oh god... wtf"

"Gracias! Me gusta mucho el tomate."

  • Belarus' lovely When She Smiles moment...before she mercilessly attacks Finland.
  • The 2010 Bloodbath. That is all.
  • The strip that describes how the Nordics band together to create a product. Finland designs, Sweden builds, Denmark sells, Norway criticizes. Iceland? He sits around with munchies. "What? Were you expecting me to do something?"
  • England appears with a T-Shirt that contains the infamous Harry Potter Spoiler. In horror Japan ask for him to take it off, which England promptly does... just to reveal that the very same thing is written in his chest.
  • When England reluctantly appears at America's birthday party. The two share a somewhat dramatic, somewhat angsty discussion of how the day makes England sick. England hands over a gift bag and leaves. America opens it, commenting that it's probably an "old man" present. A boxing glove on a spring pops out and punches him smack in the face.
    • This troper never had so much respect for England before that strip.
  • April Fools 2011. France in nothing but cat ears? Normal. America running around practically naked? Fan Service. China dressed as a girl? Dude Looks Like a Lady. Iggy-iggy in a nurse dress? Fetish Fuel. Russia in a MINI DRESS, and what look like mouse ears? CMOF.
  • The Asians strip from the fourth manga volume, specially when China finds out what Taiwan, Macau and Hong Kong were doing behind his back.

China: I'M LECTURING ALL OF YOU!

  • Also from the fourth manga volume: Hungary, Ukraine and Liechtenstein discuss national dresses. The last one is the famous Crete dress code that had the women exposing their breasts. Poor, poor Liechtenstein.
    • Even funnier if you notice the reference to FEMEN of Ukraine.
  • France (to italy who has asked what intercourse means) "You don't know? It's something you do with someone you like. DO YOU LIKE ME, ITALY?" *cue creepy ass grin*
  • America attempting to treat England's cold with a hamburger to the face.
  • Italy ends up in a crate again after America and England get tired keeping him prisoner and send him back to Germany. With a card that says "FUCK" on it.
  • From Hetaween 2011, Romano giving a whole new meaning to the trope Badass Grandma.
  • There's a strip where Lithuania falls asleep on Russia's couch and wakes up to Russia who for once is in a mostly-sane mood and it shows that Russia is capable of kindness toward Lithuania. They talk about dreams, and Lithuania falls asleep again, only to wake up resting on the shoulder of a panda instead of Russia.
  • Japan's reaction in this strip to Italy trying to get him to smile. "What are you trying to make me do?!!"
  • Molassia from the Micronations mini-event. Normal and calm one minute, badass and cursing the next.
  • All of the April Fool's events. Spain's news reporting, Prussia's blog, Fool's Bath 2011...
  • The book strip where England recalls how cute America was as a kid. Specifically, a memory in which England brings him a math textbook and young America tells him with a smile, "Dwop dead, Engwand!"
  • "I found Prague!"
  • America's reaction when Japan tells him why the "gay gun" won't work.

Anime

  • This troper always found this exchange in the dub hilarious:

Italy: Well, we do have Machiavelli...
Germany: Sorry, but that guy's a pussy.

  • This exchange from episode 6 of World Series. Please do note that all the characters are in chibi-form:

Narrator: And then, when he (China) turned around, he saw Russia had settled in. The slowly but steadily approaching Russia... It must've been really scary. Hang in there, China!
(Chibi-Japan drops out of the sky with a stick inbetween China and Russia)

Chibi-Japan (while waving stick wildly): Please leave!

Russia: Nooooo!

  • In episode 8, when Italy exposed that Germany is pretty much a Covert Pervert.
  • In an episode of the animated Axis Powers Hetalia, Germany/Italy/Japan are roasting marshmallows on the beach. In the background, soft appropriate music is playing. Germany talks about how he never wants to go home anymore now that Austria lives with him, and wonders how Austria is doing right now. Italy points out that Austria "has been right over there the whole time, you know." Pan to Austria... who is playing the piano music. "How did I not notice him!?!?!"
  • "Oh no! Now the Spanish and Greek have started to chat to each other!"
  • The "Red Devil" strip, when Germany has noticed that N. Italy has thrown the pin instead of the grenade.
  • Episode 19. From Italy's training regimen to Canada's introduction to Italy failing at spying at the Allies' table (while Canada is in the background acting nonchalant and silly).
  • England's drunken flailing and crying right in front of America. The next day, he's so ashamed, he wants to die and promises to give up drinking.
  • All of Italy's noises. This troper especially likes the 'pic-ong' noise in episode three.
  • England gets ill and America goes to check on him. And The Grim Reaper is there. Hilarity Ensues.
  • On the unintentional side of things, the "English" preview for America Cleans Out His Closet. Once this troper realized it wasn't in Japanese (hence the sudden lack of subtitles), she nearly popped a blood vessel in her eye. The line that took the cake, however, was undoubtedly. "I CAN HANDER IT."
  • Japan goes on vacation with Italy to learn more about Italian culture. The results must be seen to be believed. See it here.
  • "FUCK-ING LI-MEY."
  • "Running Away With Su-san" was amusing enough, but then it got animated. From the sparkly, dating sim-esque title, to Finland's amazing scream at Sweden's face (with Scare Chord!), to the climax, in which Sweden drapes his arm over Finland as the first movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony plays.

"Warm now?"
"Terrfied now."

  • France sent out PIERRE!
  • In episode 13 Germany telling Italy that, to keep your allies, you must sometimes be gentle, and sometimes be strict. This is reenacted with Italy doing both attitudes to a cat he's holding.

Germany: Sometimes, you must be strict!
Italy: Strict! Paw out! Squeeze squeeze squeeze (continues until cat starts licking him) Aaaaaah! Germany! It's mutiny! Mutiny!
Germany: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, ITALY?!?!?!?

  • Romano's mustache. 'Nuff said.
  • Arguably, some of the eyecatches (not so much in the dub), especially those for more minor characters. Some examples: Ukraine either sounds squeaky or like she's about to burst into tears, Belarus is apparently a demon, Canada is whispering, Prussia is shouting, the Baltic Trio shows up together sounding like they've got guns pointed at their heads, and Iceland pops up three times consecutively in the movie, with his puffin, no less.
  • In the World series, where England is trying to escape from Italy. He seems quite confident, since he just got some unintentional advice from Germany, and then he orders something from a cafe. The moment he orders ale, Germany jumps at him and wraps the guy's head with the newspaper he was hidden behind.
  • Italy's song for Germany in episode 3 and not to mention how Germany sends Italy back in a package after hearing the song. Or how Germany is making clocks to pay back France and keeps saying how happy he is that he was able to get rid of "that guy" (Italy) and Italy floating past him in a weird manner.
  • World Series episode 35: Germany wrestling with a naked Italy. "DIE!"
  • Japan's horrendously Yodel Land-esque Imagine Spot of Switzerland was funny enough in the manga, but the animated version must be seen to be believed.
    • TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA~
      • JUST BEING REMINDED OF THAT EPISODE......BAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHA! Cannot stop laughing! :'D
  • World Series episode 42 has Spain and France about to engage in an epic battle over Romano. Just before France and Spain start fighting, Spain's pet bull headbutts France, which makes Spain the winner of the battle.
  • The latest episode has this gem from Poland:

Poland: "Like, show me your penis and junk."

  • Episode 45: America is a candy fountain.
  • The G8 meeting in Hetalia Worlds Series episode 30. England glares at Russia. Russia simply grabs Englands glare-arrows and eats them like popcorn.
    • Belarus' allergic reaction to Kumajiro, who interrupts Canada to ask for a snack.
  • Episode 49. The "Brother Dear" strip was already funny, but the anime dials it Up to Eleven.
  • England sleeping during the meeting.
  • Anytime Italy gets out his white flag and waves it because it means he surrenders.
  • France (to England about the marriage certificate) "No, it's not a marriage certificate, IT'S A CALENDER!"
  • In episode 37 Italy is worried that Germany might forget him and France tells him not to worry he just needs to drop his pants and show him his ass.
  • Sealand talking with Lithuania on how to be acknowledged as a nation, random cut to Russia eavesdropping with one of the creepiest "=D" faces ever.
  • Italy tackle-hugging Japan, responded to with Japan acting like he's just lost his virginity. "That was my first time... You must assume responsibility!"
  • "I'm a tomato box fairy! I'm here to be your friend!"
  • America: "ICE CREEEEEEEEEEAM~" *trips on banana peel* *splat*
    • Made more funny by the fact that he somehow breaks his foot by falling on his face.
  • The Italy brothers getting in a fight, with N. Italy calling Germany for help, and Germany thinking that he's hearing something inappropriate on the other end of the line..
  • Russia writes to France's radio show for advice on love. France, being helpful, offers him a pick up line: "Say 'I want to get to your bed. How should I do it?' and that's it!"
  • It feels like we're calling out the devil!
  • England accidentally summoning Russia in episode 13 when trying to curse Germany.
  • The following from episode 43 when Belarus states her reasoning for why she returned:

Belarus: "Although I left with Big Sis it seems just natural for me to be with you after all."
Russia: "Bela-"
Belarus: (interrupting) "I'll stay with you, Big Brother. I'll stay by your side forever."
Russia: "What? Thanks. Will you really stay by my side?"
Belarus: (sparkling with hands clasped and smiling) "I'd be even better if you married me and let me be even closer to you."
Russia: (disgusted)

  • Episode 2: Germany hitting Italy with the butt of his rifle and saying "I won't be tricked! Go to hell you damn pasta loving bastard!" Also, him opening the door for Italy seeing if he wants to escape and Italy just flirts with girls and comes back.
  • World Series Special episode 3: The polar bear gnawing on Russia's head.
  • Episode 3: Italy trying to become Germany's ally, Germany throwing Italy out, and Italy getting thrown back. Also, his completely happy response "Germany, I was thrown back!"
  • Episode 6. Austria saying "I will now express my anger and disgust with you through the piano." there's then a long sequence of Austrian Piano Playing.

Austria(After finishing his piece): Do you understand now?
Germany: So your anger is Chopin?

  • Russia jumping out of a plane without a parachute while screaming "VODKAAA!!!!" and saying that he'll be okay because there's snow on the ground and snow is soft. He ends up getting hurt.
  • Italy admitting at gunpoint that Germany is a secret pervert.
  • Anytime Italy says "PASTA!"
  • Episode 4. North Italy checking on his friend Japan when they're in a hot spring and remarking on how he is, um, not exactly big down there. In the anime, after praising Japan's ability to turn everything into miniature models, he notices "Oh, that too?" while in the hot spring. Japan is embarrassed at such remarks and beats the crap out of him.
  • Episode 5: Italy making preparations for being Germany's ally but he only brings pasta, pasta sauce and wine. The next time he makes preparations he brings the same things and Germany yells "It's the same!", and Italy responds with "No, this time it's better! This time I added pizza!. And then he asks Italy if he has anything else they can use and Italy says "I only have Machiavelli." Germany says "I'm sorry but we can't use him." Also, Italy making "preparations for war" by making white flags for him and Germany to wave meaning they surrender.
  • Episode 1: England's "Take this! BRITANNIA FORK!" has to be funniest line in this episode. Also, America stating that no one is allowed to disagree with his plan to stop global warming.
  • Episode 39 of World Series. After Italy modifies a car it shoots him into the sky and he screams "Ve!" the whole way. And then there's how Germany thinks Italy is gone forever when he just gets stuck in a tree.
  • In episode 7 America states about Germany "I bet he's deeply in love with Italy. He's probably chasing after good artwork or Italy's butt. What's so great about his butt? Really, I'm at a loss."
  • Russia's first use of kolkolkolkolkol.
  • In episode 8 Italy tells Germany over the phone "There was a pretty girl so I hit on her. But then, it was France in disguise!"

Dub

  • The accents. That is all.[context?]
  • Chibi-England calling France a cheese eating surrender monkey.
  • England: (while drunk off of his ass) Am I Catholic... or Protestant? God, I don't know!
    • "YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I'M UNITED BLOODY KINGDOM AND CAN HILD MY LOQUER BETTER THAN YOU ANY DAY!"
    • England's "never-stopping-to-take-a-breath" rant at America right afterwards, complete with chibi bodies and flailing arms.

England: "YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME YOU JUST WANTED TO TELL ME TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYWAYS I THINK THAT'S TOTAL BOLLOCKS!"

  • From the English dub of the Meeting scene, we have gems like Switzerland saying, "MAN UP OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY PEACE PRIZE!", and Germany explaining how to ask a question...

"Now, if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salutes of my country's past."

    • Made even funnier when you realize that the Nobel Peace Prize is hosted by Norway.
      • Let's not forget this little gem:

China: Would you like to sample some Chinese tasty treats? :D
France and Britain: *not ending their fight* WE'D JUST GET HUNGRY AGAIN!!

  • Switzerland gives us this little gem as he chases Italy with a rifle:

Switzerland: I swear, I will kill you! I will kill you UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!

  • "FLYING MINT BUNNY! :D"
  • America's epic freak out after watching a horror movie with Japan:
    • What really seals it is Japan's totally deadpan reaction to said freak out, even as America is clinging to him and practically screaming in his ear.
    • Also, this: "And so another victory of cross-culture with America in the driver's seat. USA!"
  • "We don't have to kiss, do we?" "Nope! ...Unless you want to."
  • "....they had all become assholes. ^_^"
  • "THIS WEATHERMAN IS PREDICTING A 99% CHANCE OF SHITSTORM, AND IT'S COMING RIGHT AT YA!"
  • This gem from the Christmas Episode:

Switzerland: "Christmas is about family and loving people!"
"...Now get bent." *slams door*

    • Christmas in Godless Russia.
    • Even Godless-er China.
      • Speaking of which:

China: Christmas trees are illegal in my country. It kinda sucks.
Italy: Heh, just like girls...

China: It's because they catch fire too easily. The trees, not the girls.

    • Finnish Christmas. Where's that?
    • Fat Christmas- I mean, American Christmas.

America: First we X out the Christ part to make it extreme!

    • Gay Christmas-I mean French.

France: So, you want to celebrate Christmas with me?
Germany: Hell no!

    • Also, Germany referring to him as "Herr Francey pants".

Japan: You get Santa Claus drunk before he flies his sleigh to deliver presents to children?
Italy: Hey, Big Brother France, if you ever see Drunk Santa, can you get some pictures for the rest of us?
France: Yes! Just like my Papa!

"Ooh, pretty music!"

    • "Polish horses never charged German tanks at the battle-... Right. Anime fans, Germany invaded Poland in '39. Right. American fans, Poland is a country! In Europe! :D"
  • "I'm Canadia! T__T"
  • Germany meets The Roman Empire

"First Carthage fell and others died, good times. Ah, memories. I just ate, had sex, fought, had sex and slept every day"

  • Cafe Germany "You've only got 15 minutes to eat. If you can't finish within the time limit, I will kill you."

Germany: Our time togezzer has been very special, you should lock your doors at night.
Guy: (fearfully) No problem...
Lemony Narrator: Well that could have been a lot creepier.

  • Episode 48: "ARE YOU VANTING ME TO GAS YOU!?"
  • "I feel like we're summoning the Devil!"
  • "My boss and Italy's boss, both fabulous dancers and narcissists..."
    • Romano's reaction to Russia touching Italy: "Touch of death!"
  • Episode 19, when... well see for yourself.
  • "Dumbledora the explora..."[1]
  • "Before we go on to the history lesson, instead of saying one joke, i'll tell you two punchlines!"
  • "I want a brother, or at least a pet sugar glider!" Courtesy of none other than Latvia.
  • This exchange:

Poland: So, you're Sweden, huh? Do you have a pair on you or what? You can't just show and take what's rightfully mine! Estonia and Latvia are staay-iiinng!"
Sweden: How come.
Poland: What? How come? Well...it's like this....I mean...they both belong to me...and I don't like you! So...I will never, like, ever, give them to you, all right? So sit on that!
Sweden: I see...

    • This is followed by a three-second stare-down from Sweden before Poland cowers behind Lithuania.
  • "Is that your girlfriend, or boyfriend, or gender-neutral chibi thing?"
  • "Dude, Britain is totally dead!! Let's go get a drink to celebrate! [Britain sits up] See? I told you he would wake up if we did that!"
  • PASTAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
  • "You know there's an arrow in my butt, right?"
  • Germany, upon finding Italy in his bed: "How in ze holy fuhrer did he get into my bed?!?"
    • That entire scene is hilarious, from Germany refusing to believe that the "weirdo" in his bedroom is Rome ("It's zat kind of attitude, my only option is to shoot you in ze head!") to Germany trying to convince himself that the entire encounter is All Just a Dream, to Rome asking why Germany isn't sleeping with many beautiful women and getting a response of "I VILL PUNCH YOU IN ZE THROAT!"
    • Though he does only say that when Rome questions his heterosexuality. Not that that's an unfair assumption, considering where Italy was.
  • Does anyone love the special commentator tracks J. Michael Tatum (France) and Scott Freeman (England) did together as much as me? These two need to be in a room together more often! "Does this rag smell funny to you?" "Okay, whatever! Don't touch the Alps! Leave us our art!" ...I swear, I lose it every single time.
  • Almost all of episode seven, but mostly this gem:

Romano: 'Hey Haslehoff, have I got a surprise for you!'
Germany: 'What iz it? Another jew?'

  • Italy oversleeps again, so Germany calmly sits down next to the bed and says the following:

Germany: "I once killed a man in his sleep with only his mustache and a grape"

  • This line from Latvia in episode 29:

Latvia: I'm glad everyone treated you well. We were all placing bets on whether they'd call you a drunkard or bring up Lake Placid and the Miracle on Ice!
Lithuania and Estonia: THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET!!!

  • Italy: (to Germany) "You can order me around and I'll disappoint you!"
  • When Germany, Japan, and Italy are stranded on an island, Japan mentions that they should have a team name.

Japan: What do you think about "Axis"?
Germany: "Axis"?
Japan: It mean we are all connected together by an axis, and when we prevail, the world will turn on that new axis.
Germany: Abstract. I was thinking "Fire Death Team."
Japan: No. It better to confuse with obtuse metaphor.

  • Let's just say that this troper cannot WAIT for the English dub of World Series.

France: Just look at that face... so handsome.

France: I WANT TO LICK IT.

    • Agreed, especially with this exchange:

Random Soldier: Everyone start freaking out! Prussia's here!
Prussia: SUCK IT LOSERS!

  • One episode of the dub has France asking America and England if they're done "releasing sexual tensions".
  • Episode 27:

Germany: "[N. Italy] lost to a Middle Eastern nation fighting with arrows and they didn't even blow themselves up!"

  • "MAKE PASTA, NOT WAR" — No truer words have ever been spoken.
  • From episode 53, as Prussia finishes reading his diary:

Prussia: Man, I was super cute when I was little!
Children: No, you weren't.

  • When Italy writes Germany a very heartfelt letter about how he fears that Germany will forget about him because of a dream he had, Germany is visibly upset and tells Japan (who found the letter but couldn't make out the handwriting) that it was written by Italy and that something is troubling him. Japan looks shocked and gasps "Italy is literate?!?"
  • When Finland tries to tell about how there's a mysterious child wandering around the colonies in the New World, and France is more interested in the fact that he caught a fish with only his hands. France then goes on to suggest that the child is a new nation, but not before lamenting how the fish got away and fell back in the river.

France: Oh crap, my fish!

    • From that same episode, a little before:

Finland: [crying] Seriously, you guys, this isn't funny anymore. It's so mean and cruel and stupid!
France: *sigh* Tell us what happened, Finland.
England: Did you get your head stuck in the butter churn again?

  • The bloopers for Season 3.
    • Especially the little kids at the end! "My name is __ and this is the worst word I know:" The words are: stupid, cupcake, cookies, suck (sucker!), butt, and shit. ("Say wha?" "I coulda said a worse word. Ass.")
    • "You fell. I laugh. Ho ho."
    • "My voice! I'm going through PUBERTY, BABY!"
    • "But even if he is a Michael Tatum, he's still a person!" Immediately afterward, we hear Tatum's reaction edited in.
    • Christopher Bevins (Japan) screaming "FUCK!" while still in character.
    • Japan and America mess up one right after the other, in the same scene. The bloopers are edited together.
    • "He actually did Spain in the ass no less than four times."
    • FUDGE. A DUCK. (Courtesy of Hetalia's lovely Narrator)
    • "...by vomiting all over Russia."
    • "I had sex, which is the important thing..."
    • "America taught me how to print, slash, steal le fuck you!"
    • When France sees Switzerland chasing Italy with a rifle. "Someone got ze farmer's daughter pregnant again..."
  • In one of the commentaries, Eric Vale (who plays America) admits that Hetalia has made him start eating hamburgers again after years of being a vegatarian.
  • Germany and Chibi Italy in the original:

Germany: "Who are you?"
Chibitalia: "I'm me!"

    • Germany and Chibi Italy in the dub:

Germany: "Who are you?"
Chibitalia: "I'm your worst nightmare!"

  • (Vic as) Greece is not even trying to be subtle about wanting in Japan's kimono.
    • Japan's reactions whenever Greece does this. In comparison to the manga, where they're practically dating, and the sub, where his feelings are more ambiguous, dub Japan hits the perfect combination of mild disgust and acceptance that Greece is just "that" kind of friend.
    • He Screams Like a Little Girl in response to Japan's 'pulling my thumb out' trick, no doubt the loudest we will ever hear him.
  • "It's bad enough I have jerk Britain laughing at me all the time without suffering these little animated insert thingies!"
  • Godzilia's coming!
  • "You're missing the jewels comPLETELY!...[Thinking] No. He got 'em with that last one. The pain is going to start flooding in any second now.......there it is."
  • In Episode 27, Germany chasing off England, France, and Bulgaria for hitting Italy with a stick.

Germany: Hey, hold on a sec, Bulgaria! Aren't you part of the Axis?
Bulgaria: Yeah, but take a look at him and tell me you haven't wanted to do the same thing.

  • Germany has to live with Austria:

Germany (breaking through Austria's door): Now, ve can do zis ze easy vay or ze hard vay! Your only choice, Austria, is to submit to my manliness!

Austria (drinks tea before speaking): I'd love ze hard vay. But I suppose I could just submit to you.

Germany, Italy and Hungary: ...?

Austria (offering Britain a sandwich): Vould you like to have my (*porn voice*) sausage?

  • World Series episode 10: France is sad about his economy and tells Switzerland he's lucky that all he has to do is "hide the corrupt gains of the financial elite".

Switzerland: You have farmlands, so you don't have to sell your soul to Satan!

  • Narrator Lady impersonating Prussia in Episode 12. "Hey, you got chick for queen so I'm gon' force you give me some of you land and mebbe stick you head up you own butt. I'm auwesome!"
    • In the same episode, Prussia's letter to Maria Theresa.
      • Especially when he demands the Silesia region and the letter asks "it's pronounced Silesia, right?". In the letter
      • And, despite it being an invasion notice, it ends with "From Prussia with Love"
      • ...P. S. I AM AWESOME!!!
  • "Germany, where did the pinky swear come from?" "Japan. Never ask him to elephant swear."
  • At first, the "Japan gets angry" moment is just like the sub. Then Greece calls Turkey to borrow his camera to capture the event:

Turkey: Why are you wanting to borrow my camera, feta-breath? It's not like I suddenly started liking you!
Greece: But...Japan just got...mad.
Turkey: What? Okay, but if I lend you my camera you have to tag me in the pictures on Facebook! But friend me first!

  • Rome to Germania after Germania gets him out of depression: "Ah, you so very smart! I love your brain!"
  • Episode 24 of World Series. All over the place.
    • All of the height jokes alluding to how much taller than Spain Turkey is.

Spain: Why don't you pick on someone three quarters your size?

    • Spain's bull breaking upen the wagon yells "Bull smash! Bull SMASH!"
    • Spain's speech to Turkey is both funny, heartwarming, and badass. And Turkey's nonchalant responses are even funnier.

Spain: I am the great Spain! You can have Romano when you pry him from my cold dead hands, Turkey Sandwich with cheese!

Turkey: ...I was not going to kill you, but now I suppose I will.

Spain: A...slight miscalculation. *draws sword* I may be sensually misleading to the eye, but I assure you I can protect Romano and I assure you if you try to invade either of us you will taste the cold steel of my Spanish espada!

    • And then Turkey leaves to go home and get some good coffee before he invades. Because European coffee "is for de baby".
    • Any time japan swears in the dub of world series, here are two examples

Japan (to italy): YOU FUCKING GREASE BALL! I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING GUTS OUT AND SERVE THEM FOR DINNER!

and this one

Japan: FUCK YOU AMERICA!

Gakuen Hetalia

  • Drunk Germany.

Germany: "I'm perfectly sober! Haven't had a beer in minutes!"

  • England trying to get better at cooking and summoning candy instead.

Paint It White

  • Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia performing Swan Lake...In Ballerina tutus.
  • The shooting star's reaction to Germany's long list of improvements for Italy, said in a very high-pitched, tinny voice:

Star: Oh, come on, Germany! I'm a frickin' star, not a frickin' miracle worker! Please give me a break!

  • The dub bloopers. Although they're pretty much all by Germany and America's voice actors.

"You got period chopsticks."
"Oh fuck it. Buttholes."
"What am I, a hooker?"
"FIVE CATS FOR FIVE DEUTCHMARKS AT ARBY'S!"
"*ten seconds straight of complete, nonsensical blabbering*". "It's a long fuckin' line, I didn't know, I was just gonna be a smartass! And it kept going."
"Double-vu-tee-eff".
"*falling out of the sky* HOLY SHIT, WHAT HAVE WE DONE?! OH MY FUCKING GOD, THEY'RE SHOOTING LASERS AT US! OHMAHGO- *blargsplash*"
"Win what, stupid?"
"Make these blobs sign this shit!"

  • Many of the characters with minor appearances manage to make them hilarious. Belarus, for example gets this line regarding her sister:

"Why do you leave me here with double d meets double dumb?"

    • Romano had his memetic "WHAT THE CRAPOLA HAPPENED HERE?! And where is my stupid brother, anyway?" before getting turned into a Pictonian.
    • Greece's sole line before getting turned is "I love cats. Is that so wrong?" Made better by the fact that this line is completely random and he is surrounded by about a dozen cats as it is delivered.
    • There's something adorably funny about the opening scene with Iceland sitting there with his puffin perched on his head for no apparent reason.
      • The scene is followed by a triple Iceland eyecatch.
    • Prussia gets a whopping 29 seconds in the whole movie, and he milks those 29 seconds for all they've got. Including managing to say "I'm awesome" twice in the first ten seconds.
      • "WHO DO ZEY TSINK ZEY ARE, SE VHITE STRIPES?!"
  • When France and England are caught on the Pictonian's mothership, and England correctly predicts that there is a way to escape. Cure a rope falling from the top of the screen for no reason at all, which England doesn't find the least bit odd. And then, when he pulls it, they fall down a trap door.
    • When they enter the room and see a holograph of the Earth.

France: What a gorgeous, swollen blue ball!
England: It's the Earth, you idiot.

Narrator: Deep down in their heart of hearts, they love each other. Sexually.

  • After America dramatically announces how everyone is going to back him up while they invade the mothership, we see Germany ignoring him and holding a handful of straws out to everyone.

Germany: Draw lots, find your groups, und get searching.
America: Hey, don't ignore me!

  • As the countries are changing back from Noppura, America gets this gem.

America: I'm so happy to see you, hands! We're gonna have so much fun!

Drama CDs

  • Hetalia Fantasia 3:
    • China briefly being distracted from telling the other Allies that Canada has been kidnapped to ponder if he is 4000 or 5000 years old.
    • This exchange:

America: What happened was blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda-yadda!
France: Wh-what was that?!
England: No way! That actually happened?!
Russia: What does "blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda-yadda" mean?
England: Get a clue, Russia! When America and Japan got in touch with this weirdo player online, not only was he incredibly strong, delusional and emo, but he kicked the ever living crap out of the already strong America and Japan! That's what he said!
America: If you say all of that, then what the hell was the point of me saying "blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda-yadda" to save time?!

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