Think Unsexy Thoughts: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

Sometimes, a man doesn't ''want'' to have [[Raging Stiffie|an erection]]. Either it's potentially physically hazardous, or there's a beautiful woman who he actually wants to spend time with and turning up with an obvious case of wood might not help. (Or of course, both.) Or maybe he's just embarrassed to be seen in public that way. And sometimes, a man might be in the act, so to speak, and in need of some way to [[Jizzed in My Pants|delay the inevitable]].

 

The opposite of [[Lie Back and Think of England]] when used for sex. [[Fetish Retardant]] and [[The Loins Sleep Tonight]] are inversions of this.

 

* In [[Infinite Stratos]], Ichika finds himself in a changing room with Charlotte, after she pulled him in both to hide from the [[Clingy Jealous Girl|other girls]] following them, as well as to show him the outfit she planned to wear at the beach. With his back turned to her, as he hears her undressing, he forces himself to [[Mouthful of Pi|recite Pi]] in order to get his mind off thinking about her naked body. It eventually works, but a few moments later they get caught...by his older sister and homeroom teacher.

* In one chapter of [[A.I. Love You]], Hitoshi has been forced into a pair of underwear that will [[Groin Attack|slap him in the crotch]] whenever he stirs and will ''explode'' if it reaches thirty slaps. He tries to avoid getting whacked by thinking about male body builders...[[Too Dumb to Live|while peeking in on the girls' locker room]]. (Un)fortunately, he loses focus for a second, the underwear slaps him, and the sound alerts the girls, who beat him up.

 

== Comic Books ==

* ''[[Rudi]]'' does this one time at a nude beach. Problem is that everything he tries to think of only makes him more horny. ("Square root of 4761 makes... 69! Shit, maths is too perverted!") Then, when he finally manages to get his [[Raging Stiffie]] under control (by thinking about cancer) - a pissed-of wasp stings him several times in a male body part, making things even worse.

 

* There is an NGE fanfic where Shinji tries to summon this trope... then decides he went too far with it and stops. What did he think of? ''[[Scary Shiny Glasses|His]] [[Clasp Your Hands If You Deceive|father]] [[Squick|in a thong]]''.

** I think this is ''It Can't Get Worse'' by Zentrodie, its on the [[Neon Genesis Evangelion/Fanfic Recs|Neon Genesis Evangelion]] fanfic page.

* A ''[[Pirates of the Caribbean]]'' fanfic has Will using the "Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day" version after a [[Parody Sue]] gives him a love potion. He has to spend a lot of time chanting, but it works. Jack, his fellow captive, has [[Lampshade Hanging|no idea who he's talking about]] but is impressed all the same.

** A lemon has Ranma think about martial arts and mentally go through several katas in order to not come before Akane.

 

== Film - Live-Action ==

* In the [[Steve Martin]] movie ''[[All of Me]]'', a woman is stuck in the body of the main character. He wants to sleep with another female character, but his 'roommate' objects and starts filling his head with images of dead kittens and old nuns.

* The title character of ''[[Blankman]]'' routinely goes into... convulsions... when kissed or otherwise aroused. "Think about math..."

* In the movie ''The Couch Trip'' John Burns, who is posing as a psychiatrist, recommends thinking of transmission repair for this purpose. Unfortunately, his description of taking apart a transmission, though he doesn't seem to realize or intend it, does not exactly qualify as unsexy. Observe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SQNjg982JQ

 

== Literature ==

* In the novel ''[[Choke]]'', the protagonist thinks of corpses and other disgusting things to avoid early ejaculation.

* In [[Stephen King]]'s ''[[IT]]'', Tom Rogan thinks of "White Sox batting averages or who was trying to undercut him for the Chesley account at work" for the same reason.

* In ''[[Dave Barry]]'s Complete Guide to Guys'', Barry inclues advice for men on how to delay their orgasms, and suggests thinking of Margaret Thatcher, or, in extreme cases, [[Fan Disservice|Rush Limbaugh in a thong.]]

 

== Live-Action TV ==

* Anwar from ''[[Skins]]'' recites [[Hugh Grant]]'s filmography in order to slow himself down.

** Inverted later with Donna who thinks of sexy things.

* In ''[[Kyle XY]]'', Josh explained to Kyle that when he doesn't want to have an erection, he thinks of "disgusting things" (for him, zits and old people). Kyle responds that he finds grapefruit disgusting (Josh: "Huh."). Later in the episode, he repeated that phrase while escaping naked from the parents of the girl he was with.

* In the ''[[Married... with Children]]'' episode "What I Did for Love", Jefferson mentions that there was a time when he had to think about baseball to slow things down during sex; nowadays, he just wants to think about baseball.

** In another episode Steve thanks Al, because wondering why Steve Guttenberg is a star works as this.

** Phoebe tries to follow his advice, but finds even baseball and sandwiches too sexy... thinking about Chandler, on the other hand, works fine.

** In another episode Ross gets rid of an erection by thinking about his grandmother.

* In the ''[[Dollhouse]]'' episode "Needs," Victor plays the baseball flavor of this trope straight and out loud during the shower scene, reciting the Mets roster by fielding position after catching a glimpse of Sierra.

* [[Wonder Woman (TV series)|Wonder Woman TV Series]]: After immortal Princess Diana of [[Lady Land|Paradise Island]] invokes [[What Is This Thing You Call Love?]] when he sees a man for the first time, her mother hilariously invokes this trope:

* In the ''[[Boy Meets World]]'' episode "The Last Temptation of Cory", Cory mutters the words "lunchroom lady" to get him to stop thinking about a pretty girl who is trying to seduce him away from Topanga.

 

 

* Slick from ''[[Sinfest]]'' has to work really [[Incredibly Lame Pun|hard]] at this when he gets a hug from Monique.

* ''[[SSDD]]'' has this, when a guy has to go without sex for a while. Being around computer nerds, unsexy thoughts aren't hard to come by.

* ''[[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]]'' has a number of takes on this

"[http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db{{=}}comics&id{{=}}2108#comic The boundary conditions of the universe.]" }}

* ''The Pain - When Will It End'' has one comic, "Silver Linings of the Holocaust". The first example is "Excellent Sexual Endurance Aid", where the man is thinking of the atrocities committed in concentration camps to keep from going off early. Then his thoughts stumble across [[Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS]], and, well...

 

== Western Animation ==

* ''[[Family Guy]]'''s Quagmire was subjected to "aversion therapy" to try and discourage him from being such a pervert, which involved a ceiling fan perched right above his groin and a Victoria's Secret catalogue. His attempts to contain himself involved thinking of dead kittens, old nuns, ''really'' old nuns, and [[Renee Zellweger]].

** Bears mentioning that the object of Homer's crush ''also'' had this mantra when she was near Homer.

* An episode of ''John Callahan's Quads'' had the main character think about his ugly nun teacher in order to help him ''maintain'' an erection... because the unsexy thoughts would help him with premature ejaculation.

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Sex Tropes]]

[[Category:Comedy Tropes]]