Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG: Difference between revisions

The original list of 25 debuted in 2005 on a Livejournal entry by TheGlen, but has since been updated every few weeks in blocks of 25. According to the author, the list contains jokes related to over fifty different roleplaying games, the majority of which regard the various editions of ''[[Dungeons and& Dragons]]''. Other games that appear frequently include ''[[Star Wars]]'', ''Deadlands'', ''Cyberpunk 2020'', ''7th Sea'', ''[[Werewolf: The Apocalypse]]'', ''Aeon Trinity'', ''Iron Claw'', and ''[[GURPS]]''.

* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html Numbers 2001 - 22252375].

1815. Can't have [[Catapult to Glory|a gun capable of]] [[Fastball Special|using other PC's as ammo]]. (''[[Dark Heresy]]'')

* [[Added Alliterative AppealAlliteration]]: [[Averted Trope|Averted.]]

{{quote|2011. There is no easy way to tell a guy he named his [[Warhammer 4000040,000|genetically engineered uber space Mongolian]] after Genghis Khan's wife. }}

{{quote|1091. In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not [[Mission: Impossible|disavow knowledge of him]] until after the mission is over.}}

64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 4000040,000|Good for the Good God]]".

16661598. If ifmy takesgun morecan thaneasily fivekill minuteseverything forin the debris to stop fallingroom, I needgo tolast pickin a smaller guninitiative. }}

618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not [[Gears of War|a substitute for a bayonet]].

271. [[Instant Drama, Just Add Tracheotomy|Tracheotomies]] are best left to characters with skills in medicine.

767. When challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone I'm currently in. }}

38. When investigating evil [[Cult|cultistscult]]ists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.

1177. I will stop asking [[NPC|NPCs]]s how much XP they are worth.

{{quote|722. Can't intentionally fail all my secret door checks so I don't have to play [[Tomb of Horrors]] again.}}

* [[Follow the Leader]]: Similar in style to ''[[Skippy's List|Skippys List]]'' of the "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131109164111/http://skippyslist.com/list/ 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army]", though Mr. Welch has claimed repeatedly the resemblance was not intentional. This list has also inspired people to make threads in forums, which are quickly filled up by other people being [[The Loonie]].

{{quote|1852. Afros are not acceptable haircuts for [[Warhammer 4000040,000|Adeptus Astartes]].}}

{{quote|1612. There is no such thing as Boobs +1. (''D&D 3.0'')}}

{{quote|69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save. (''D&D 3.0'')

1452. Despite it's phenomenal success rate, a multi-melta is not the solution to all my problems. (''[[Dark Heresy]]'') }}

{{quote|1033. Holding the hand crossbow sideways 'gangsta style' does not add to my intimidate check. (''D&D 3.0'')}}

{{quote|1752. No summoning octopi to make the sleeping paladin explain all the hickies. (''D&D 3.0'')

{{quote|158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells. (''2nd Ed. D&D'')

{{quote|1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque. (''2nd Ed. D&D'')}}

{{quote|13. Must not murder canon [[NPC|NPCs]]s in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are. (''2nd Ed. D&D'')

832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM's super [[NPC]] to foot the bill. (''2nd Ed. D&D'')}}

{{quote|106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat. (''2nd Ed. D&D'')

{{quote|248103. There is no Halflingsuch godthing as a Club +3 of groinCup Checks (''D&D shots3.0'')

1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if it's just thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels. }}

21202030. Elves do not squirtget inka outracial ofbonus theirto nipplesthe asskill a"Trade: defenseInterior mechanismDesign".

21212120. Elves also do not secretesquirt aink foulout tastingof oiltheir nipples as a whendefense threatenedmechanism.

1455. Like a cow who goes to the well too often, I will stop speaking only in metaphors. <ref>(...And it's actually a simile. Inside a metaphor.)</ref>

1359. I can't call my gun by a stupid nickname, even if it's the one that the game suggested. (''[[Dark Heresy]]'')

1671. Before entering the dungeon I will take off the "I'm with tasty -->" tabard. }}

783:. The following are not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai llama, Boom Orangutan.

{{quote|346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a [[Terminator|Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range]].}}

{{quote|568. My first wish cannot be 'I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish.'}}

{{quote|403. My rigger does not get a bonus if his log in code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Start. <ref>(That's because [[Comically Missing the Point|he entered it wrong]].)</ref>}}

1871. No tricking the techpriest into dividing by zero. (''[[Dark Heresy]]'')}}

1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at [[Vampire: The Masquerade|Malkavians]], [[Dungeons and& Dragons|kobolds]] or [[Dragonlance|kender]]. [[In and Out of Character|Or their players.]]

* [[Loophole Abuse]]: '''CONSTANTLY.''' The DMs, however, are rarely cooperative. Note that there is no actual rule that Mr. Welch must follow these rules. <ref>Although it's covered under "Rule 0," the rule common to most RPGs that the GM's word supersedes any printed rules.</ref>

1642. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode. (''[[Dark Heresy]]'')<ref>The result of [[Damage Typing]] and taking damage from failed attempts at medicine</ref>

1924. Despite what the rules say, shooting other PC's in the head [[Villainous Demotivator|does not improve morale]]. (''[[Dark Heresy]]'')

1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking [[Mad Scientist]].

2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor.}}

653. [[Only Sane Man|Cannot wish]] [[Sanity Ball|for the party]] [[LizOnly LemonSane JobEmployee|to have common sense.]] Even the wish spell has its limits.

1884. If a PC gets taken out by a deer, can't recruit the deer to replace him.

38. When investigating evil [[Cult|cultistscult]]ists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.

1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat. }}

1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. }}

13. Must not murder canon [[NPC|NPCs]]s in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.

* [[Playing Against Type]]: Funnily enough, Mr. Welch has even used this trope to its full advantage. (Presumably, he did this during the one-shot to allay suspicions, then went back to normal when the new DM started a full scenario just to create dissonance.)

{{quote|1870. If I'm invited to play a one shot with a new DM, can't play a serious straight laced character.}}

1459. Even if the game is set in 1912, the female characters get a vote on the party's action. <ref>([[Fridge Logic|What about areas where women already had the vote pre-1912?]])</ref> }}

{{quote|314. Under 'Religion' I cannot put '[[Church of Happyology|Xenu]]'.

842. When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the [[Cthulhu Mythos]]. }}

598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be. }}

1427. It is not a race to 0 SAN. }}

1250. I will address the other PC as Lord Tyrion, Eldritch Knight of the Winter Court. And not just as the Sidhe Male. <ref>(Sidhe is correctly pronounced "Shee".)</ref>

64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 4000040,000|Good for the Good God]]".

168. I was also not recruited by [[The Hobbit (novel)|12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon]].

1222. It's a strangehold. Not an OgrynOgrun [[Star Trek|neck pinch]].

1541. While highly effective, [[Repo! The Genetic Opera|grabbing a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy]] is frowned on]].

1854. TSR is not hiding [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory|Golden Tickets]] in [[Mystara]] Gazetteers.

1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[Turbo Teen|douse him]] [[Ranma ½|with hot water]]. }}

{{quote|1148411. No matter how long his speechIt is, my sniperbad willform notto shoot thea speakergod introducingwhile thehe's targetmonologuing.}}

1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder.

2025. There is no such thing as a shotgun exterminatus.

2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke.}}

* [[TourettesTourette's Shitcock Syndrome]]:

450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal. (''D&D 3.5'')

678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing. (''D&D 3.0'')

16691667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by settingplaying himWham onover firetheir commlinks. (''Cyberpunk 2020'')

17831668. DistractingWhen told to distract the bad guy doesthey notdidn't mean withby anshooting aztecthe barguy mitzvahstanding next to him. (''Aeon Trinity'')

19421669. Can'tWhen told to distract the villainbad guy they didn't mean by sendingsetting him aon textfire. }}(''Aeon Trinity'')

* [[Whip It Good]]: ''Not'' the [[Weapon of Choice]] of the Goddess of Marriage.

1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops. }}