SCP Foundation/Funny: Difference between revisions

{{quote|''Memo: "Honestly, what was the plan here, annoy it to death? Besides observation of the upper limits of the rage state of SCP-682, and causing the temporary evacuation of Site ██, this accomplished nothing. Also, I am sending Kondraki the bill for all the glass broken on-site from that damn thing's screaming."''}}

* It seems to have been removed (The new entry simply saying that testing was denied) but the old test log that detailed the results of giving [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-682 SCP-682] [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-447 SCP-447-2] Most of it was [EXPUNGED], though along all the casualties and property damage was mention of "Weapons-grade minty breath."

{{quote|SCP-826, equipped with one (1) copy of "The Generally Nice, Friendly Thing That Can And Will Kill SCP-682 Permanently if it So Much As Spots That Damn Lizard", a 12-page short story written by Dr. ██████, detailing a large, friendly monster that is stated to be capable of permanently killing SCP-682, and 1 (one) D-Class personnel (D-682-32) equipped with 1 (one) 2010 Ducati Multistrada motorcycle for the purpose of evading SCP-682.

[...]

 

 

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1543-j SCP-1543], though a joke SCP, is one of the funniest things in the entire archive.

{{quote|''There is a long-standing tradition of rivalry between the task force that runs The Sun Launcher and [[No Kill Like Overkill|Team 10 Gazillion Nuclear Detonations All Used At Once.]]''}}

* Just about every word on [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5308-j SCP-5308-J] is absolutely hilarious, it's no wonder it's the highest rated joke SCP on the site.

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2008-j SCP-2008-J] is a sports mascot. Not an animal that looks like a sports mascot, or a costume that turns people into a creature that looks like a mascot, but an actual man in a costume.

* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-006-j SCP 006-J], aka "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" Hey, even the Foundation can be scared by creepy insects.

{{quote|'''Object Class''': KETER OH GOD KILL IT}}

{{quote|13) There is no market for SCP brand pornography.

13.5) No, not even in Germany.

196.1) Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'. }}

** Also in there are Dr. Bright's 'wrong' mottos for SCP Foundation which gives such examples as "Stab Carrion Powerfully," "Let's use it on 682!" "Can we put it through 914?" and my personal favourite, "That's it, you're on Keter."

*** Really, any time something silly happens to 682, or a depiction thereof. In SCP-978's test log, the picture of SCP-053 shows 682 ''in a floral dress, with a red hair-bow and bright pink nail polish'', which is, of course, a hilarious mental image, no matter HOW you envision 682.

** Both items consumed by D-Class 24045-06. It's impossible to summarize them in any way that could do either item's description justice, but I honestly started crying due to stifled laughter.

'''Sewage Soup''': Gave the liquid to D-Class 24045-06, who had been in the process of leaping from table to table. D-Class 24045-06 deceased immediately upon ingestion. }}

* SCP-606, while otherwise silent, suddenly became... talkative:

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/reddawn Dmitri's Mobile Task Force training manual.]

** Consider this: The SCP Foundation is an ruthless organization that regularly deals with unimaginable [[Eldritch Abomination|Eldritch Abominations]]. It often allows and orders the killing and maiming of employees, and their solution to a girl who is impregnated with some kind of ultimate evil [[Moral Event Horizon|is to have her [DATA EXPUNGED] repeatedly in order to prevent her from giving birth to said evil]]. [[Even Evil Has Standards|THEY find Dmitri's proposal to be objectionable]].

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-050 SCP-050] is a [[Clingy MacGuffin]] that people can "win" if they can prank whoever owns it. Add dangerous SCPs to the mix, and you have [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/document-050 "The Great Researcher Prank War of '09"].

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-387 What happens when you expose sentient Lego blocks to cheap Lego copies:]

** Don't forget what happens when you expose kids to sentient Lego blocks.

{{quote|"Addendum 387-1: How the fuck did these children gain knowledge of the workings of a M1 Abrams Tank, no less [EXPUNGED]!?"}}

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/routine-psychological-evaluations-by-dr-glass This gem].

{{quote|Note: Since it seems that SCP-523's transformations are more or less proportional to the gravity of the situation it is being used for, it is imperative that it be destroyed immediately in the event of an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario, as it may turn into something that would further exacerbate the situation. Like the Sun. -Dr. Willis}}

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-426 I] have my description written entirely in the first person and am incredibly funny as a result. Just don't go back and read what I do to people.

{{quote|Description: Hello, I am SCP-426. I must be introduced this way in order to prevent ambiguity. I am an ordinary toaster, able to toast bread when supplied with electricity. However, when any human being mentions me, they inadvertently refer to me in the first person. Despite all attempts, there is yet to be a way to speak or write about me in the third person. When in my continuous presence for over two months, individuals begin to identify themselves as a toaster. Unless forcibly restrained, these people will ultimately harm themselves in their attempts to emulate my standard functions.}}

** The doc's note at the end: "Thank God there are some limits to my effects. A lot of us were really starting to get worried about me."

{{quote|Note from Dr. ████████, dated 12/26/04: ''Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to tell her about "Santa Claus" and then tell her that it was just a story?! Now we have another potential SCP to deal with, but we can't catch him because he is "magic".''}}

* The fourth testing log from [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-404 SCP-404]. Saying anything else would ruin it.

* '''UPDATE:''' Doctor Rights had a beautiful baby girl on November 1st! Congratulations! '''MTF TEAM ALPHA SIX MOVE INTO POSITIONS TO SECURE THE ASSET'''

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/don-ferreiros-lie-katana This.]

{{quote|'''Gephart:''' I do want to say one thing, though.

'''Kondraki:''' And what's that?

[[Vaudeville Hook|<boos, catcalls>]] }}

** Also this:

'''Dr. Clef''': "Not really, no." }}

{{quote|''Remember, SCP-780-1 only has the vulnerabilities of the host plant! Anyone at Site ██ found with text reading "Invulnerable tree which reaches to the moon" will be demoted to Keter duty!''|Dr. █████████}}

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-826 SCP-826] is a set of bookends which can portal users into the universe of whichever book is placed between its halves.

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-041 SCP-041]

** "It has come to my attention that several personnel have used SCP-041 as an ad-hoc 'she likes me/she likes me not' detector. This is one of the most appalling things I've ever heard. Are we safeguarding potentially world-destroying objects or are we in third grade?" — Dr. Klein.

* This line from an After Action report about an incident wherein a D-Class prevents [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-498 SCP-498] from getting out of control: "...D-4112 was treated for severe internal bleeding, commended for preventing a potentially catastrophic containment breach, and successfully terminated at the end of the month."

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-299 SCP-299] is a Keter-class botanical SCP that turns any plant into a ravenous carnivore upon contact. For some reason, the Foundation decided to test it on a sunflower.

** Also, the containment procedures suggest executing any D-class who refuses to eat the cake. Eat that cake ''or die''.

*** A choice between [[Eddie Izzard|cake or death?]]

* From the [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/experiment-log-455 exploration logs of SCP-455]:

{{quote|'''T2L''': T2L here HQ, we sent up a man as advised and he returned in four minutes. Sent him back twice in a sprint, two minutes. We all recorded thirty to get down this far at least, and we all recorded our scout's return times as well. There is definitely something inconsistent.

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-514 SCP-514], a flock of doves that shuts down any attempt at violence and disables all weapons in its area of effect. This results in groups fighting to control it using....alternate methods of conflict resolution.

{{quote|'''-O5-██''': Are you serious? The fate of one of our SCPs could be decided on the outcome of rock-paper-scissors?!

'''O5-11''': Captain, couldn't you have chosen a more… dignified… game as your primary conflict resolution method? Seeing two grown men in all-black tactical gear taking a children's card game so seriously is… off-putting. }}

* [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/peanuts Quite possibly the] [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/duke-till-dawn second] [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/peanuts best decommissioning on the entire site.]

'''Dr. Deral''': It would seem Dr. Grant is a rather poor whiskey connoisseur, as whiskey does not age outside of the barrel. Your delicious experiment resulted in a 37-year old bottle of 12-year old scotch. Well done.

'''Dr. Grant''': I stand by my initial assessment. Delicious. }}

* SCP-173 becomes marginally less frightening when you realise it bears a distinct resemblance to [[Invader Zim]].

* The bizarrely adorable sapient calculator, [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-168 SCP-168], wants a storage room with a window;

Dr. ███████: No thank you, SCP-846, I'd like to -

(At this point, SCP-846 began a 'Robo-Dance', [[Overly Long Gag|which lasted twenty-three (23) minutes.]] SCP-846 ignored all questions during this time period.) }}

* Not straight-up funny like most of these, but [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1025 SCP-1025] is a glorious bit of metafictional commentary by way of [[Reality Ensues]]. At first, it looks like your typical Keter-class object with a long experiment log killing a bunch of class-Ds, which eventually degenerates into an [[Apocalyptic Log]]... {{spoiler|and then someone from O5 comes along and says that absolutely no unusual pathogens were detected and all the thing actually causes is "hypochondria by proxy." He/she then wonders who thought it was a good idea wasting all this money on the SCP, cuts the research funding, stuffs the book in a locker, and reclassifies it to "Safe."}}

* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-261 SCP-261]:

 

{{reflist}}