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Nobody Dies/Funny

< Nobody Dies


Okay, Nobody Dies has a lot of awesome... but there is also a lot of funny.

  • NERV's Merchandizing Department.
    • Especially the entry plugs.
    • And this bit (paraphrased):

Maya: "Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all. Nothin' at all. Nothin' at all!"
Ritsuko: "Stupid Sexy Maya! Okay... maybe I am a lesbian..."
Maya (eavesdropping): Squee!

  • Mana's response to the intended use of Jet Alone Prime against Sahaquiel:

"Yes, Mana?"
"So I'm getting tossed, hammer first, into a horde of mini angels?"
"Yes," Misato responds.
"F___ing metal."

  • Asuka's assessment of being molested by Kiko in ch. 19.

Reaching up, she gives her breasts a tentative squeeze, raising an eyebrow.
"They're...big?"
She turns on her heel and walks out. Maybe she should get Shinji's opinion.

  • Unit 01 sneezes on Kyoko in Chapter 22...twice...while very poorly attempting to hide its laughter.
  • Rei's replacement Evangelion Provisional Unit 05. Its AI. What its AI is based on. Why China has very, very understandably had a special line of code inserted to prevent the AI ever being loaded. What happens when said line is removed.
    • And then there's exactly how they end up getting it under control.

"Visual profile recognized. Match confirmed: President Abraham Lincoln." It's Gendo in a top hat!

  • Pieter dragging mini!Sandalphon back to Tokyo-3 in a reference to Independence Day.
  • Pen-Pen and mini!Sandalphon's bonding/making sure Mini-Sandalphon wasn't the ghost of past eaten fish.
  • Pieter and mini!Sandalphon's Angel/Lilim fist-bump.
    • Later outdone by Rei and Nyarlathotep's Nephilim/Cosmic Horror fist-bump.
  • Ramiel's response to finding Rei and Kensuke inside its head.

Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Shit.

What. The. F____.

  • To Mana's irritation, menus keep popping up in her Iruel-captured VR sim. The last option is always "D. Stick it in".
  • Iruel's (almost) final fate.
  • Kei playing at being Blofeld on a pirate TV broadcast while stroking one of Ritsuko's cats, and demanding "one million helicopters and one dollar."
    • AND also demanding Shinji and Asuka delivered to her in nothing but blue and red ribbons, respectively.
  • Chapter 19, when explaining WHY Asuka and Shinji are looking at a miniature, robot Rei:

Shinji: Ichi is Unit 01. She's the AI of the Eva.
*beat* while Ichi rips a dandelion apart
Uri: Does that mean Unit 01 is a 200 foot tall version of Ayanami?
Mana: Thanks, Uri. I'd gotten tired of being able to sleep at night.

  • The end of Chapter 34. Gendo. Vs. President Colbert. FIGHT!
    • Includes this choice bit:

"Congratulations, Ikari," Colbert says, "You've just made the List!"
The aide whispers in his ear.
"Okay," Colbert corrects, "You're already on the List. But now you're at Threat Level Down, bitch."

  • ...and then there's Shinji's summation of the end of ch. 34.

"It builds character.", Gendo says.
"F___ you."
"Don't say that around your mother."

  • Iruel's Non Sequitur at the beginning of Chapter 38. “All they are is Hate. All they have is Hate. All they need is Hate. All they want is butternut fudge ice chocolate pickles.” Though, it doesn't last long.
  • Anything involving the spring-loaded stuffed Angel in Rei's closet.
  • Canon!Rei, having been infected by Terrifying!Rei's desire for babies, speaks of her affections for Canon!Shinji (imagine this is her flat monotone from canon):

"I wish to hit him so hard that whoever pulled me out of him will be crowned the next King of England. I will conquer Asia to build an Empire for the manpower that would build the machine I would use to tap that ass. I would initiate a forbidden ritual to ascend to the next step of existence, so I could hit him like the fist of an angry god." [...] "I still wish to perform intercourse with him. I wish to tap that ass. I wish to tap it hard."

    • in the same conversation when Canon!Rei calls Canon!Asuka a "Raging bitch"
  • Continuing with the previous theme: In ch. 44, a therapy scene with Shinji and Asuka turns into a makeout session...which gets interrupted by TS!Asuka, then Yui and TS!Gendo, and then Kyoko and Junior. Oh, and did I mention that, just before they barged in, Shinji realized that he'd dropped the towel he'd been wearing?
    • Terrifying!Rei's interactions with Creepy!Rei.
  • Mini Israfels discover Dance Dance Revolution.
  • Chapter 49 has an absurd number:
    • Kei demonstrates an alarmingly logical method of working herself out of her obligation to Shinji. She ought to consider a career in law, that girl.

Kei: "A liberal interpretation says that if you are unconscious, I do not need to care for you."

    • Kei meeting Shinji.

Shinji: So... you're one of Rei's sisters?
Kei: Yes, and I do not desire you sexually.
Shinji: Well, that's good, I mean...
Kei: However, a three-way with you and Miss Sohryu would be acceptable. If she was interested, of course."
Shinji: ...And I was about to say you remind me of Mom. *Face Palm*
Kei: Perhaps I should start over...

    • The Ree coming to the rescue!

"And you're a 15 foot tall spider tank remotely piloted by my sisters with a raised LCL filled piloting chamber so I won't spread this damn thing to anyone else."
In the doorway, the Reemobile raises and lowers its 16 eyed head.
"Okay," he says, and groans, "I'm hopped up on antibiotics and sedative. It's dark out, we've got an Angel in the city, a full tank of LCL..."
He flicks his wrist, a pair of amber lenses picked up from the end table in his hand, dropped from a miniscule black portal.
"And I'm wearing sunglasses."
He slides them on. A grin crosses his slightly green features.
"Let's ride."

"I'm going to wake up Mr. Nagisa," she says, and pushes off, floating towards Kaworu, "Hold on."
She floats over to him, gently taking him by the collar. Almost tenderly, she places her hand on the side of his face, the other hand on his shoulder...
And then she knees him between the legs as hard as she can. Uri throws up a little in his mouth as Kaworu's eyes open with an almost inhuman scream, and the timer disappears.
"That did it!"

  • Chapter 53 and the entry of the Wuffletron 9000.
  • Chapter 54. ALL of Chapter 54. Misato sums it up about halfway in: "Shinji, Asuka, and Rei have engaged several mini-angels to a Dance Battle. Dr. Ikari is high as a kite. Dr. Sohryu set Mrs. Makinami on fire. And Sub Director Sohryu has engaged Junior in a fist fight to save the virginity of his daughter." Oh, and even more Hilarity Ensues later on.
  • Chapter 55. Two words. FORM DEVASTATOR. This troper just cracked up laughing the second he saw it.
  • Chapter 10. Eight-Year-Old!Rei and a squeaky mallet.

Maya: I have no idea how she destroyed Sub Commander Fuyutsuki's car with it.

    • Followed by Asuka thinking at least Rei must be more mature now, as Fuyutsuki discovers his entire office covered with saran wrap.
  • Gendo and Yui discuss the upcoming arrival of Kyoko:

Gendo: We're not going to get any more done by blatantly undermining Dr. Sohryu's authority.
Yui: How about subtly undermining her authority?
Gendo: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Yui: I think so, dear. But I have no idea where we would get saran wrap in that bulk.

  • Rei surprises Shinji in the boys' shower. Because there's just so much room to dance around in there!
  • Chapter 30. EXALTED 40K. REI DRIVES AGAIN. GENDO TORTURES HIS OWN PEOPLE INTO DELIVERING PIZZA.
  • Sandwiching a Crowning Moment of Awesome as he saves Asuka from a date rapist, the image of Gendo singing "99 Luftballoons" and "Play That Funky Music, White Boy" is enough to get any fan rolling on the floor.
  • Rei being taught to drive. "RAMP!"
  • Chapter 20 has multiple people trying to play matchmaker for Uri, including Kyoko, who determines with cold logic that Shinji is the most appropriate choice for him.
  • Chapter 58 : Gendo ends up jumping into a virtual reality game the Ree made for Ichi's birthday several years back to save everyone from a rampant Narrator AI. His choice of character? Altair. He then fights virtual Hideki Anno.
  • Zwei being given a dog body, and promptly mistaking a squirrel for an Angel. "We really should have seen that coming."
  • Chapter 67 : "MY BABY BOY!"
  • Portal entry: Unit 01's horn. Portal exit: Shinji's crotch.
  • A scheduling screwup puts Yui and Pieter together in the honeymoon suite...and Yui's still packed for her second honeymoon.
  • Just about all of the convention scenes in Chapter 63. Special mention to the Ree trying to get Spike Spencer and Tiffany Grant locked in a room together, and Misato comparing a crowd full of Rei cosplayers to the last thing you see before you die.
  • Unit 01's party hat. That is all.
  • Chapter 68: The Israfelim PSA.

"IT'S RAPING MY FACE!"

  • Pretty much all of Chapter 71, with both the reveal that all the Ree have made plans for taking over the world, and Shinji having every girl in school plus Kensuke being violently attracted to him.
    • This is topped by chapter 72, where Asuka, in order to get out of the school where Shinji was trapped, has to defeat Shinji's seven evil half sisters!
      • This was also organized by Gendo
      • There's one particular thing in the chapter that I fouDINOSAUR TANK.
      • "What the hell is Kung Pow?"
    • And the reveal that family members aren't affected by the lust field, meaning Zyuu was taking part just for the hell of it.
  • In chapter 63, Pieter giving the director of the in-universe NERV anime and movie a black eye over the infamous "Shinji masturbates over a comatose Asuka" scene. Best. Take That. Ever.
    • Quite true, although in my opinion, Yui's reaction to the final episode is pretty dang close.

"Standing around the table in the briefing room, used as an impromptu theatre, Yui Ikari takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes, smacking herself to try to tell herself that was all just a very bad dream. But no. She is awake. She saw that. Now she's trying to figure out what it was.
"What did I just see?"
"The season finale," Pieter explains, slumping into one of the swivel chairs, "As it turns out, the MAGI has been rewriting the scripts at Gainax. So technically, the Ree wrote the anime."
"I...that made no sense. Why was Shinji sitting in a metal folding chair? Why was everyone congratulating him? What the Hell was going on there?"

      • That scene made at least one troper literally fall out of his chair with laughter.
  • Anything involving Lilly.
    • While not strictly canon, this video based around Lilly is good for a chuckle.

Lilly: You are fluffy and you make a funny noise. I will call you Snuggles.

  • The last line of the introduction of the Ree in Chapter 57.

While Kiko, they just notice, has on a pink and white plug suit with exaggerated A-10 connectors resembling bunny ears, the others are all dressed differently. Iti is wearing overalls and carrying a rake. Nana is dressed in a red body suit with a beret. Hatchi has a bandana on, a jacket over her plug suit, and boots over her feet. Zyuu is dressed in a french maid outfit. And Siyon is... Well, Siyon is a tree.

  • Chapter 61. Mana facing off against Lilith, who offers her to join Instrumentality. Her answer?

"No! Fuck you, Staypuff! I've got a hard drive where my uterus was! I keep all my illegally downloaded songs there! You fail!"

Yui holds up the sign, written in super sized letters, 'She is mentally six years old. PS: I WILL END YOU IF I HAVE TO TELL HER WHERE BABIES COME FROM.'

    • Pretty much the rest of the chapter too, including the introduction of Zophael as she tries to talk to a beach ball, Rei and Zyuu taming a giant crab Shamselim, and most of all the rest of the Ree becoming (physically) stable and enrolling in the high school.
  • Shinji, Makoto, and Gendo robbing a bank dressed as Rei, the Riddler, and himself respectively.
    • And the aftermath: "I hate you so much I can feel it in my balls. And that's with me wearing a dress."
  • The Magi taking control of a dozen mini-rei Avatar bodies and proceeding to sing several lines of 'Still Alive' as the new personality reveals itself to be GLADos, complete with nerve gas comment.
  • Chapter 78: Go-Kun shows just how much he's like Optimus.

"GIVE ME YOUR FACE"

  • Makoto stuck with an armed Misato in his lap while being chased by Tamiel. "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me..."
  • Almost all of Chapter 80. To elaborate:
    • Shinji's Reeification.
      • To be specific, just as the Ree each have things that they do for stuff, Shinji has his own. He cleans things. But, as a Ree, he can't just clean. He must do it by donning a lab coat and inventing a clean gun that cleans things with FIRE.
    • The Ree's new hobby: They Fight Crime.
    • Zophael is now officially Canon!Asuka.
    • The new hiding place for Unit 01, under the school. Incidentally, the same place as the Ree's new evil underground lair.
  • Chapter 81 does the impossible and makes a Complete Monster kicking the dog from beyond the grave completely hilarious. "And another boot to the head for my drunken bastard."
    • Also, Gendo's pre-funeral plans.

Gendo: So, let's establish a plan. Dancing first, then spitting, then urinating on Kihl's grave.
Yui: Let's not forget, dear, some people may actually be mourning him.
Gendo: Their loss.

  • Chapter 82 isn't even OUT yet, but a preview already has the entire forum exploding with laughter

Shinji: Honk..

    • Now that chapter 82 is out, allow this troper to elaborate: Shinji does that to Asuka's tushie in front of Uri...So he can have Uri beat the Reeishness out of him.
  • ALL of Shinji and Uri as roommates. Especially their and Hikari's epic Flat What reaction to what the Reego have been up to.
  • This hilarious Zeruel moment from the sister story Six AIs, One Continent:

Zeruel: Oh my. That's f_ing rich. You're so f_ing gay, Tabris, you worked out how to have kids without needing to go near the icky girls. Even for you, that's gay.

  • "Yeah, just ignore the camera. Its not like I was planning to videotape you two making out or anything."
  • Misato nonchalantly explain to Yui about how her apartment now has a big f__ing hole in it.
  • 00-Em A9 (one of the Keiworu, and the Reego's official crony and Dark Magical Girl, despite his protests that he's not a girl) downloads himself into the taxidermied Angel in Rei's closet. How's that for a Brick Joke?
  • Let's play Wolf Pack!
    • To clarify: The Reego decide to play a game of hide and seek with their Uncle Shinji. Unfortunately, this involves them dragging him down like wolves with a deer when they find him. It gets worse when Merrill establishes himself as the Alpha Male of the Reego. Despite being a cat.
  • Shinji gives Ichi the Talk.
    • Zyuu's email to Yui about Shipping Rei (it includes kidnapping Daniel Craig), and Yui's reaction as all the pop culture references fly over her head.
  • Asuka's road trip with Yui, who downs Red Bull just as much as Misato with beer, and awkwardly tries to make girl talk about her "first biological grandchild."
  • Asuka discovering Shinji's porn collection.
  • Shortly before Asuka and Shinji share their first kiss, Shinji contemplates that his mother is probably watching the whole thing. Almost immediately his fears are confirmed.

Shinji: Please tell me you don't have cameras in Misato's bathroom.
Yui: I have cameras everywhere.

  • The Keiwaru discovering 4Chan.
  • Asuka discovering Naoko's porn collection. It involves Gendo. And it's hardcore.
    • Oh, and it's hardcore SCIENCE porn.
  • Misato's very helpful clarification of the last thirty chapters' All Just a Dream status.

Misato: "Yo humanity, yo Momma's so fat that when she enters the dream world, she snaps the suspenders of disbelief!"

  • The (most likely non-canon) Angel Chat Room, taking place during Chapter 19:

Leliel: "Hey, guys, I found Dad!"
Zeruel: "F___ing dandy."
Leliel: "Yeah! He's inside me!"

  • extremely long pause*

Sandalphon: "Who wants to sing?"
Leliel: "No, no. I mean, he's in the Dirac Sea, and since I'm the Dirac... well, okay, but anyway: I've opened a portal, so we can all watch him f___ up the Lilim!"
Bardiel: "Sounds like a plan! Let's watch!"
...
Matariel: "...holy crap."
Tabris: "Oh... dear..."
Armisael: "Did you see that? Did. You. See. That? Dad's not moving... they killed him... and now they're going to kill us! Holy f_____________!"
Arael: "All in favor of just dropping the moon on them?"

    • And then Rei somehow logs in.

Arael: "Um... hello?"
TEHREI: "Heeeee~ey..."
Armisael: "Uh, fu-"
TEHREI: "What'cha doin'?"
Zeruel: "...stuff."
Matariel: "Guys... don't move. As long as you don't move she can't see you."
Zeruel: "That was the dinosaurs, numbskull. You know, the ones Dad killed with his own bloody hands, and then finished them off with a meteor?"
TEHREI: "Sooooooo... which of you guys is next?"
Matariel: "NOT IT!"
TEHREI: "Hey. So if your dad is the brother of my other mom, does that make us cousins? Sooooo, wouldn't that make my family part of your family?"
Arael: *gulp* "That... does make sense."
TEHREI: "Oh. My. God. That's AWESOME! We can have picnics, and get-togethers, and play stupid board games... and in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES!"
Israfel: "I like waffles."

  • Nobody Dies chapter 34 has as one person put it: "we have Ikari Gendou and the President of the United States, Stephen Colbert, in a fist fight on international television on Larry King Live... and it's entirely reasonable for this to happen." It's kind of hard to top that.
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