Klatchian Coffee: Difference between revisions
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{{trope}}
[[File:GarfieldCoffee 106.jpg|link=Garfield|
{{quote|''It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.''|Unknown, from [[UseNet]], modified from the ''[[Dune]]'' quote below.}}
While a [[Gargle Blaster]] will get you insanely drunk, '''Klatchian Coffee''' has the opposite effect. Rather than slowing down your brain, Klatchian Coffee speeds it up tremendously. In some cases, the results can be [[Nightmare Fuel]] in a cup, or just ''really'' scary to think about. Can generate [[Caffeine Bullet Time]]. May be used to demonstrate the level of a person's [[Must Have Caffeine]] addiction if
Possibly based on Turkish Coffee, which is an incredibly strong brew of coffee. Rather than drip or espresso it, you just boil ultra-fine ground coffee grounds until you achieve drinkable coffee .
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{{examples}}
== [[Anime]]
* In ''[[Serial Experiments Lain]]'', the machine/drug Accela does exactly what it sounds like - it accelerates the brain. By 12 times.
== Comics ==▼
* [[Garfield]] has been known to drink coffee so strong, [https://web.archive.org/web/20110815231120/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1997/06/11/ it can even eat a donut]... or [[Ate the Spoon|the spoon(s)]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20110815212902/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1987/12/01/ he uses to stir it.]▼
** He also likes coffee so thick that after a few seconds of pouring, [https://web.archive.org/web/20110816081756/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1984/05/29/ you can let go of the coffeepot and it won't fall].▼
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20110816003050/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1987/10/20/ In one strip]:▼
{{quote|'''Jon:''' The coffee's strong today.▼
''(it reaches out of the cup and slaps Garfield round the face)''▼
'''Garfield:''' Not just strong, but mean! }}▼
** Also demonstrated by [https://web.archive.org/web/20130917222033/http://www.garfield.com/fungames/beanme.html this game], made to market a Garfield-themed coffee.▼
* Peter has brewed several coffee based drinks in ''[[FoxTrot]]'' that have this effect. One had Paige blinking so fast she thought there was a strobe light in the room.▼
** That would be the coffee-tea. Teabags boiled in coffee instead of water. And Paige didn't just have one. She had a ''dozen'' cups.▼
** Another strip had Roger pour himself a cup of coffee, which began vibrating wildly (as in, bouncing up and down on the table). Turning to Peter, he remarks, "I can always tell the mornings when you have to cram for a test."▼
* [[Gaston Lagaffe]]'s homemade coffee is so strong, it causes whoever drinks it to lose coordination and make uncontrollable violent gestures. After drinking a cup of it, he ended up wrecking his car.
** Not to mention that one sip of it made De Mesmaeker [[Running Gag|unable to sign]] [[MacGuffin|the contracts]].
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* ''[[Desperate Dan]]'''s favorite coffee is strong enough to hold a spoon upright.
== [[Film]] ==
* In ''[[George of the Jungle]]'', George inadvertently invokes this by ''eating'' large amounts of coffee grounds.
* ''[[Hidalgo]]'' has a scene in which the Sheikh offers Hopkins a cup of coffee. He tries to warn Hopkins that Arabian coffee is stronger than most western preparations, but Hopkins just knocks it back. He then explains that back home, they test the coffee by tossing a horseshoe in the pot. If it stands up, the coffee's ready.
* ''[[Hoodwinked]]'': Near the end of the movie the squirrel gets a cup of coffee to run down the mountain and get the cops. They have to tape his message and slow it down to hear it properly.
== [[Literature]] ==▼
▲== Literature ==
* ''[[Discworld]]'' is the home of the [[Trope Namer]]. Klatchian Coffee on Discworld is so potent that it can take you right through sobriety and out the other side, into a state of horrifying depressive hyper-awareness known as knurd ([[Sdrawkcab Name|"drunk" spelled backwards]]). In order to offset its effects, Klatchian Coffee enthusiasts typically drink Desert Orakh (one of several Discworld [[Gargle Blaster]]s) to make sure they're safely drunk.
** Also from Discworld, there's "Splot", briefly featured in ''Making Money'', a drink that has been outlawed in several places despite not being alcoholic... it is said that's because alcohol couldn't survive in it. It is [[All-Natural Snake Oil|made entirely of natural ingredients and herbs]], in the same way that "Arsenic is natural and Belladonna is an herb". It apparently speeds the brain well beyond the point where the mouth can keep up, just for starters.
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* In ''Wicked Japanese For The Business Traveler'', a semi serious phrasebook, it mentions Japanese tea. "Clear, bitter and still boiling when it hits the roof of your mouth." The phrases associated with it translate to: "Honorable tea? Yes please! I had some when I got off the plane last week. I haven't slept since. I have many evil thoughts. Do you know where I can score a dime bag of the stuff?"
== [[Live-Action TV]] ==
▲== [[Live Action TV]] ==
* Cafe Nervosa from ''[[Frasier]]'' serves a drink aptly named "The Defibrillator", judging by its composition (a French roast with three shots of espresso).
* Dr. Cliff Huxtable, [[Bill Cosby]]'s character from [[The Cosby Show]], describes the coffee that he had back in med school:
{{quote|"Take one sip, awake for six hours. Take two sips, awake for 72 hours. Drink the cup, you never blink again."}}
* Raktajino (pronounced rack-tə-jeen-oh) first mentioned in ''[[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]]'', is Klingon coffee, served either steamed or iced. At least one character commented that making strong coffee is one of the few things Klingons can do well that doesn't involve fighting. It is surprisingly popular among the crew of DS9.
▲== [[Newspaper Comics]] ==
▲* [[Garfield]] has been known to drink coffee so strong, [https://web.archive.org/web/20110815231120/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1997/06/11/ it can even eat a donut]... or [[Ate the Spoon|the spoon(s)]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20110815212902/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1987/12/01/ he uses to stir it.]
▲** He also likes coffee so thick that after a few seconds of pouring, [https://web.archive.org/web/20110816081756/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1984/05/29/ you can let go of the coffeepot and it won't fall].
▲** [https://web.archive.org/web/20110816003050/http://garfield.nfshost.com/1987/10/20/ In one strip]:
▲{{quote|'''Jon:''' The coffee's strong today.
▲''(it reaches out of the cup and slaps Garfield round the face)''
▲'''Garfield:''' Not just strong, but mean! }}
▲** Also demonstrated by [https://web.archive.org/web/20130917222033/http://www.garfield.com/fungames/beanme.html this game], made to market a Garfield-themed coffee.
▲* Peter has brewed several coffee based drinks in ''[[FoxTrot]]'' that have this effect. One had Paige blinking so fast she thought there was a strobe light in the room.
▲** That would be the coffee-tea. Teabags boiled in coffee instead of water. And Paige didn't just have one. She had a ''dozen'' cups.
▲** Another strip had Roger pour himself a cup of coffee, which began vibrating wildly (as in, bouncing up and down on the table). Turning to Peter, he remarks, "I can always tell the mornings when you have to cram for a test."
** Yet another strip, Roger takes one sip of coffee, and then after a [[Beat Panel]], makes a crazy face and then ''literally'' hits the ceiling. "You said to make it ''strong''." says Jason.
== [[Radio]] ==
* ''The [[Firesign Theatre]]'' has "Ersatz Bros. Coffee" which contains Brazilian soya beans, Syrian chicory nuts, and [[Love Potion|Spanish flies]].
== [[Video Games]] ==▼
▲== Video Games ==
* The... "coffee" Mr. Saturns serve in ''[[EarthBound]]'' causes the drinker to hallucinate [[Foreshadowing]].
* The Scout in ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'' has two highly-caffeinated drinks that give him special effects: Bonk! Energy Drink (It's fulla radiation!) makes him invincible, and Crit-a-Cola allows him to score (Mini-)Criticals.
* In ''[[Super Princess Peach]]'', the heroine can buy Tough Coffee, which increases the size of her health bar.
== [[Web Comics]] ==
* In the ''[[Girl Genius]]''
** Lately, a Smoke Knight has been shown using a drug called [[Meaningful Name|Movit]], which is a super-powered stimulant. It comes in various strengths and the strongest stuff safe for civilians is Movit #6. When last seen, Zola had taken some Movit [[Turned Up to Eleven|#11]], then was shot with more in hopes of causing an explosive meltdown, leading to a '''CHOPHEAD TINYBITS!''' rage, and was expected to die of an overdose shortly. (Of course, since she ''hasn't'' been seen since, it's probable that she found some other way to burn off that excess energy and will return to plague our heroes in a future chapter.)
** Also, a cup of water from Dyne apparently tastes like normal water but can (especially if combined with a proper amount of electric shock) cause a minute or so of absolute clarity... little side-effects like [[Glowing Eyes of Doom|glowing eyes]] and levitation are optional. Of course, the "electric shock" part of this is [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20091102 by far] the ''[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20100419 least]'' dangerous.
* The [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007223615/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070129 coffee] [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007202540/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070130 at the Google offices] in ''[[User Friendly]]'' is so powerful it does [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007225914/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070131 this].
** Pitr making coffee with [https://web.archive.org/web/20150531204917/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030926 heavy water] is not really an example. What IS an example is Pitr making coffee that [https://web.archive.org/web/20190503105416/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030408 burns through two stories of a building and into the sewage line].
** Then there's [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007214304/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030418 "Sid's Insidious Syrup"]. Better known as ''[[Cthulhu Mythos|Hastur]]''.
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007214205/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20020520 Pitr-Cola], made of caffeine. ''Just'' caffeine.
* Francis' twitch-gamer "power drink" from ''[[PvP]]'': "a blend of espresso, Jolt cola, some Pixie Stix, pure cane sugar, Choco Puffs and a splash of Mountain Dew because I'm that @!&$% crazy, man." [https://web.archive.org/web/20131205181009/http://www.pvponline.com/2000/03/06/mon-mar-06 Oohhh, the colors.]
* ''[[Questionable Content]]'': Dora Bianchi is capable of creating such a brew [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=800 when the need arises].
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{{quote|One of these drinks would have my eyeballs vibrating out of my skull. He's had three...}}
== [[Web Original]] ==
* In ''RT Shorts'', a series of shorts that take place in [[Red vs. Blue|Rooster Teeth Studios]], a type of coffee is mentioned which would presumably be very strong if it weren't imaginary.
{{quote|'''Burnie:''' Okay, one note from the kitchen. If you're going to use the coffee pot to make coffee, you need to use '''water'''. Okay? I don't care what the fucking Internet says. There is no such thing as double coffee.}}
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* [[College Humor]] parodied this with [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs&ob=av3e Powerthirst], an energy drink which makes outrageous claims about its potency; the drink was later Defictionalized and contains a staggering 190 mg of caffeine per 16 ounces. (For reference, Bawls Exxtra in the [[Real Life]] section of this page packs 150 milligrams per 16 ounces.)
== [[Western Animation]] ==
* The world of ''
==
▲* The world of ''<nowiki>[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]</nowiki>'' has a rare tea that stimulates the human body tenfold. Aang drinks it to comic effect. Bizarrely enough, this is one of the examples cited by [[Media Watchdogs]] who think it's a sinful, evil cartoon. Because it encourages kids to do "drugs".
* Consuming too much caffeine will result in shaking, vomiting, and anxiety attacks.
** Additionally, the withdrawal effects of even relatively minor caffeine addiction include shaking, upset stomach, and insomnia.
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** As a general rule Russians brew tea in two steps. First a so called "zavarka" is prepared — an extremely strong brew (generally around five tablespoons per 1 liter of water), which is then diluted to taste by each drinker. Some don't dilute it at all — and this extra strong tea is called "kupets" (merchant).
* [http://www.funraniumlabs.com/the-black-blood-of-the-earth/ The Black Blood of the Earth].
* Red Bull
** Sighted on Facebook by way of the "Funny Status" app: "I put Red Bull in my coffee pot this morning instead of water. Right now, [[Tastes Like Purple|I can see noises.]]"
* Two words: Bawls Exxtra (explanation: Bawls is a high-caffeine soft-drink that tastes like a cross between sprite and creme soda, but contains a bit more caffeine per ounce than Red Bull does. Bawls Exxtra is the sugar-free version, sweetened with AceK and sucralose (Splenda). It has '''50% more''' caffeine per ounce than regular Bawls)
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* Comedian Ralphie May talks about his first run-in with [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDcQoUHVukw Cuban coffee.] Of course, he drank way too much. [[wikipedia:Cuban espresso|It's wikipedia page]] as well as simmilar [[wikipedia:Vietnamese iced coffee|Vietnamese]] and [[wikipedia:Indian filter coffee|South Indian]].
* Mountain Dew was recently introduced (or ''re''-introduced; supposedly [[Pepsi Co]] tried it in the 80s but it never caught on) to the UK market, but thanks to [[Values Dissonance|different food-safety standards in Europe]] it has to be sold as an ''energy drink'', with a warning on the label that it's unsuitable for children under twelve years old or pregnant women.
* [https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Irish_coffee#/See_also Irish coffee], actually a cocktail made with hot coffee and whiskey. A black Russian is similar, vodka and coffee liqueur served cold with ice; a ''white'' Russian adds cream.
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Comedy Tropes]]
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[[Category:Food Tropes]]
[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Coffee Tropes]]
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