Jackass Genie: Difference between revisions

[[File:JackassGenie_1591JackassGenie 1591.jpg|link=The Princess Planet|rightframe| [http://www.theprincessplanet.com/?p=238 Let the wisher beware.]]]

'''Brian''': Also, we saw when [[Christina Ricci]] asked a wizard to make her skinny, but the catch was that he could make her head as big as he wanted...|'''[[The Onion]]''', "[http://www.theonion.com/video/witch-who-granted-beyonce-beauty-and-fame-takes-si,27002/ Witch Who Granted Beyonce's Beauty And Fame Takes Firstborn]"}}

Wish for a hot girlfriend? The [[Literal Genie]] will give her a fever (Or maybe hook you up with a female Efreet). The Jackass Genie will set her on fire. Try to head it off and wish for an attractive girlfriend? The [[Literal Genie]] will make her magnetic. The Jackass Genie will make her attract ''tigers''. Wish for a beautiful girlfriend? The [[Literal Genie]] will give you a [[Brainless Beauty]]. The Jackass Genie will give you a beautiful [[Ax Crazy]] girlfriend who has [[Yandere|killed all her previous boyfriends horribly]].

As you can plainly see, oftentimes the Jackass Genie just seems to be [[Kick the Dog|taking cheap shots at characters who are literally helpless before them]]. As a result, expect the Jackass Genie to be the clear villain in whatever work of media it appears in. The [[Literal Genie]] can be excused somewhat if they're just naturally [[The Ditz|ditzy]] or are trying to teach you a lesson [[An Aesop|about being careful what you wish for]], but the Jackass Genie can lay no such claim. If there is any lesson to be learned with them, it might be "if an offer seems too good to be true, it is" -- after—after all, this genie acts like a supernatural [[Con Man]], and you [[Greed|always had the option to walk away]].

* In ''[[Ah! My Goddess]]'' demons are like this in contrast of [[Benevolent Genie|Benevolent Genies]]s of Heaven.

* In one of ''[[Devil May Cry: The Animated Series|Devil May Cry]]'' TV series there was a genie who offers to grant your wish, but he will not grant your wish to be rich or beautiful, because "it's impossible" or "I don't like the idea." Instead he will stalk you and wait until you say to someone: "I wish you die."

* The 1990s [[Marvel Comics]] series ''Sleepwalker'' had a demonic genie named Mr. Jyn who appeared to [[Unlucky Everydude|down-on-their luck losers]] and pretended to grant their fondest desires, but actually manipulated his "masters" into letting him cause more and more chaos until he would be free to roam the Earth.

* In the first ''[[Excalibur (Comic Book)|Excalibur]]'' storyline, the team took on a band of alien mercenaries called Technet. One member of Technet, Joyboy, had the power to telepathically discern his victim's fondest wish and grant it in as unpleasant a way as possible. He was able to take out [[Intangible Man|Kitty Pryde]](who at this time had to concentrate to stay solid) by granting her wish for a solid body. A [[Fat Girl|five-hundred pound solid body]]. [[No Ontological Inertia|She reverted to normal once Joyboy was knocked unconsiousunconscious.]]

* In [[Archie Comics]] there is an old man - Wally the Wizard, he calls himself - that fits this: he had with wish-granting powers, and Archie receives wishes that turn out to amuse the old manWally when they turn out wrong. First he wishes for Veronica to show up, and she does - with a hunky boyfriend. So he wishes for Veronica to come back without that guy, and she does, with ''two'' hunky guys. Then Archie decides to give Wally something easier, and wish for a pint of butterscotch fudge ice cream; Jughead comes by having just bought a pint of that flavor - but it's sour. Archie is so warped by anger over this that in a moment of evil, he wishes that REGGIE receive the remainder of his wishes.

** The moment of evil goes like this: "Are you kidding? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!" (Archie's eyes glow with skulls for pupils and hellfire for irises as he gets an evil grin) "Or maybe...I would!" Which theWally oldprovides man''without'' providestwisting it. The first thing it leads up to? Reggie getting run up a tree by Moose after hitting on Midge.

* In ''[[The Monkey's Paw|The Monkeys Paw]]'', the first wish is for two hundred pounds. Which is received via the eldest son dying in a horrible accident at work and the corporation giving them a settlement out of pity because this story was written in an age where lawsuits for this kind of thing were unheard of.

* In ''[[Harry Potter]] and the Order of the Phoenix (novel)|Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix]]'', Kreacher takes an "OUT!" shouted at him by Sirius as an excuse to {{spoiler|leave Grimmauld Place and go to the Malfoys, giving Voldemort a source of information about Harry}}.

* In [[Larry Niven]]'s ''[[The Magic Goes Away (novel)|The Magic Goes Away]]'' universe, it is established that literal genies in a bottle do exist. They can only be coaxed out of the bottle with the promise to play the '"game of jynn'", where they match wits with the human that freed them. So presenting the client human with three wishes, and placing some kind of sadistic twist to the request is their only motivation to grant wishes in the first place. Granted, the only persons that can gain possession of a genie are some very old and canny sorcerers, who believe they can outwit the genie. So at least there is sport in this contest.

* In the ''[[Discworld]]'' book ''[[Discworld/Eric|Eric]]'' the title character attempts to summon a demon to make a [[Deal with the Devil]] for three wishes. Demons, needless to say, give people "exactly what they asked for and exactly what they didn't want", although Eric doesn't really make it that difficult.

** For instance, the eponymous Eric wishes to live forever. He is promptly transported to the beginning of the universe, since that's when forever ''starts''. Enjoy the next couple billion years...

* In ''Shadowbridge'' by Gregory Frost, a tablet that grants any wish written on it mostly acts as a [[Benevolent Genie]]. The wish "Make them worship me like a god" seems to leave it fed up, though -- thethough—the wisher [[Taken for Granite|turns to stone]], and those nearby start to worship the statue.

** Later, we learn exactly what happened when {{spoiler|Moiraine}} and {{spoiler|Lanfear}} passed into their realm in ''The Fires of Heaven''. {{spoiler|The Eelfinn grant both of them their three wishes. ''Then'' they torture them and drain them of their life-force, accidentally killing Lanfear in the process}}. Yeah, the Eelfinn are just assholes.

* In [[Diane Duane]]'s Rihannsu ''[[Star Trek]]'' novels, Romulan starships are frequently named ''Rhea's Helm''. The titular, legendary helm was the product of a sorcerer-smith who was asked to create a helmet that would make the wearer impervious to all harm. When the helm was donned, the demon she'd bound into it ''bit the wearer's head off''--nothing—nothing can harm a dead person.

* The Nightwatcher from ''[[The Stormlight Archive|The Way of Kings]]''. She is a magical entity of unknown origin who will grant ''anyone'' any wish- but at the same time exact an ironic curse she feels is appropriate. POV character {{spoiler|Dalinar made an unknown wish some time ago- the curse was that he would lose all memories of his wife, and can't even hear her name spoken}}.

* In ''[[The X-Files]]'' episode "Je Souhaite", the genie is a [[Literal Genie]], but the genie who turned -''her-'' into a genie seems to have been a jackass genie. She was living in medieval France, and had made 3three wishes -- a stout mule, a magic bag full of turnips, and '"great power and a long life".' The genie decided to use that last wish to turn her into a genie trapped in his place. Jerk. She herself tends to be pretty mean also, but only when the wishes are stupid. Which, according to her, is '"all the time'":

** It's clear that she is in fact a Jackass Genie (or a bitch, as Mulder puts it more bluntly after she makes everyone on Earth vanish after he wishes for '"peace on Earth'"). She resents the fact that everyone's wishes are, in the end, self -serving. The only wish she doesn't deliberately screw up is the one Mulder makes to turn her back into an ordinary person.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn4bmm0_2ps "As You Wish"] by Persuader.

* Iblis is a well known example he refuse to bow down to humans and saw humans as weak which is the reason Iblis is sent to Hell.

* Most wish-granting genies in the Arabian tales are [[Benevolent Genie|Benevolent Genies]]s, but then, they didn't have to grant wishes, either. Some non-wish-granting genies would instead offer such options as "You may choose how you would like to die," or "Should I [[Baleful Polymorph|change you into an dog, an ass, or an ape]]?" Thus taking Jackass Genie to a whole new (old?) level.

* In an [[A Day Atat the Bizarro|out-of-continuity]] [[BLAMNon Sequitur Episode|story]] in ''[[Curtis]]'', a nearly broke, unemployed man releases a mouse from a trap. The mouse turns out to be a shape-shifting "brengir" and offers him a wish. The poor man wishes for "worldwide peace on earth." The next morning the man finds that the brengir has granted the wish ... by making him the only person on earth. Months later, the brengir returns. The man asks for another wish, but the brengir refuses. The man says, "You ''will'' grant me another wish, or I'll wring your neck!" The brengir responds, "A threat against a brengir is punishable by death!", and [[Kick the Dog|kills the man's]] ''[[Kick the Dog|dog]]''.

* In ''[[Dungeons and& Dragons]]'', when a [[Game Master]] awards a roleplayer a wish, this trope often results in the player taking twenty minutes to formulate their wish to ensure that it comes out as planned. "... and I want it to happen now and I don't want to lose it later and I don't want anyone to get hurt for me to obtain it and I want it to be accessible and..."

** It's important to note that the above-mentioned "free-form" version of the ''wish'' spell came from the old ''AD&D 2nd Edition'' rules. In D&D 3.0 and 3.5, ''wish'' and ''miracle'' spells have a set of specific game-mechanical effects that they're explicitly allowed to accomplish with no penalty. Additionally, the spell description also says that the DM should let wishes of a similar power level [[Benevolent Genie|work the way the player wants them to]]-- and—and because ''wish'' is, canonically, ''the'' most powerful spell a wizard can cast,<ref> At least, it's the most powerful spell a Level 20 wizard can cast.</ref>, it ought to be capable of doing some pretty impressive things. It's only if the players go overboard that the DM is supposed to stop it, either by playing Jackass Genie with their phrasing or, if that isn't possible, by simply having the power of the spell be over-stretched and fail to get the job done. (The 3.0 Player's Guide has an example of the latter: a wizard wishing that everyone in the land consider him their rightful king ends up with everybody simply realising that the wizard tried and failed to magically control their minds.)

*** To prove that the game designers are evil, the only genies kept in the 4E Monster Manual are Efreeti... and the books ''specifically stress'' that they act like [[Noble Demon|Noble Demons]]s until someone presses them into servitude... like, say, to grant a wish.

*** The good news is that despite legends to the contrary, the 4e Efreeti can't actually grant wishes. The bad news is that they've cultivated enough connections and favors to perform a remarkable simulation. If you're kind enough to release one from servitude, it might grant a "wish" for you in thanks -- andthanks—and actually uphold the spirit of the wish as best it can due to its sense of honor -- buthonor—but it can also twist a "wish" or just generally make the rest of your (blessedly short) life hell if you try to force it into servitude.

** The effects of a Jackass Genie DM are arguably removed with the Wish equivalent psionic powers ''Bend Reality'' and ''Reality Revision''. They function the same as Limited and Unlimited Wish, respectively, but since Psionics is ''thought'', the power would effect the way the manifester ''thinks''. Intention over interpretation through the power of thought, no messy words to get in the way.

** Of course, as [httphttps://wwwweb.archive.org/web/20130308113637/http://reallifecomics.com/archive/040225.html this strip] from ''[[Real Life Comics]]'' shows, even if the wish itself works out exactly as you want, the DM can still screw you around.

*** In the ''[[Binder of Shame]]'', Ab3 of RPG.Net fame notes that some [[Killer Game Master|Killer Game Masters]]s do this as their ''very style of running a game''. In the RPG.Net rant, "A Night At the Inn, A Day at the Racists," he recounts the tale of Psycho Dave, one particular such Game Master:

{{quote|''As you can see I soon realized that Psycho Dave ran a game in roughly the same way that Warwick Davis in the film ''[[Leprechaun (film)|Leprechaun]]'' [[Jackass Genie|granted wishes]]. Everything you said your character did was scrutinized for some way to screw you over and the dice ruled all. He was the only guy I know who used a random monster encounter chart for ''[[Call of Cthulhu (tabletop game)]]''. You haven't lived until you've had a character [[Go Mad Fromfrom the Revelation]] because he saw a [[Eldritch Abomination|nightgaunt]] sitting in a restroom stall reading a copy of the [[Artifact of Doom|Necronomicon]].''}}

** ''[[Ravenloft]]'' also has a monster called a Wishing Imp, a magical statue that you CANNOT get rid of, that will explicitly try to pervert anything even remotely possible to be interpreted as a wish... It DOES classify as a curse though, the idea is that you should want to get rid of it.

** Even worse, The Changeling (also a Tzeentchian Daemon): In ''[[Warhammer 4000040,000]]'', he was "assisting" a rebellious governor who found himself standing on the wrong end of a [[Super Soldier|Dark Angels]] assault. The Changeling bargained the souls of the man's daughters for a device that would bring the siege to an end. It turned out to be the Teleport Homer for a squad of [[Names to Run Away From Really Fast|Deathwing Terminators]]. Naturally, the siege ''quickly'' ended.

** Demons, however, when summoned and bound with the proper rituals, are not -- theynot—they're magically made ''loyal'' to their summoner, not just obedient, and will attempt to be a [[Benevolent Genie]] to the best of their ability. The catch is that they still have an alien mentality, and therefore may legitimately fail to understand concepts like 'babies die if you twist their limbs too hard.'

* This is how the Djinn function in ''[[In Nomine]]''. The [[Evil Counterpart|demonic counterparts]] to the Cherubim ([[Guardian Angel|Guardian Angels]]s), a Djinn suffers [[Karma Meter|Dissonance]] if he actually harms the person he's attuned to ... ''unless'' he can claim he's "giving them what they asked for".

* In ''[[Twisted Metal]]'', Calypso grants the winner one wish. Unfortunately, he is also a [[Jerkass]]. The character Axel wishes to become completely mechanical. So, naturally, Calypso turns him into a wristwatch. Angela wants to sit at home and watch TV all day, so Calypso ties her to a chair and forces her to watch nothing but [[Infomercial|infomercialsinfomercial]]s. The cops want a crime-free world. OK great, now they're out of a job and destitute on the streets since there's no need for police anymore.

** In this game, "being careful" means ensuring that your caster has a high enough Wisdom score to word the wishes properly, or by using "bad" effects to your advantage. Having the genie "summon an army" nets you 50 rabbits. Needless to say, a bunch of harmless, completely ordinary bunnies won't do any damage by themselves, but they make for a very nice distraction: enemies tend to attack the closest target, so if the rabbits are between you and the enemies, the enemies will waste turns attacking the rabbits while you pepper them with arrows and blast them with magic.

* TATARI, AKA 'Night of Wallachia' from ''[[Melty Blood]]'' does this. He manifests the rumors and desires of where he forms, but twists them all into his [[Omnicidal Maniac]] persona. A village hoped for good crops? He used their bodies as fertilizer. Two feuding villages desired peace? He killed them all, ending the conflict by proxy.

* In ''[[Persian Wars]]'' your character will encounter a genie, and if he asks to never be thirsty, he will be turned into a fish. Later, on the same campaign, after a drought, you can ask a demon to make rain... resulting in him flooding the world.

** Earlier in the game {{spoiler|the Precursors (while talking through their floating hologram thing) offer to turn Jak into a Precursor. However, Count Veger shows up with a gun and demands that he be turned into one instead. You can guess what happens. While this may be an example of [[Literal Genie]] at first glance, keep in mind that during this scene, NO ONE (not even the player) knew what the Precursors REALLY looked like...}}

* In ''[[The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess|The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess]]'', one character asks a Poe for incredible wealth, so the Poe fills his house with treasure, [[And I Must Scream|paralyzes him, turns his eyes to gemstones,]] and [[And Your Little Dog, Too|turns his cat into solid gold.]] Ouch.

* In the [[Interactive Fiction]] game ''[http://ifwiki.org/index.php/The_Djinni_Chronicles The Djinni Chronicles]'' you are a djinn who grants people's wishes. Apparently, due to the nature of the magic the djinn uses to grant the wishes, any wish-granting will inevitably carry something unpleasant with itself, no matter if the djinn wants it or not. The only exception are wishes free from 'San'--which apparently is best translated as 'selfishness'.

* ''[[Wizardry]]|Wizardry VI: Bane of the Cosmic Forge]]'' features the titular Cosmic Forge, which allows one to [[Rewriting Reality|rewrite reality]]. The titular Bane is its tendency to make what one writes happen in the worst possible manner. One minor character, for example, wanted to be loved by the queen and wrote as much with the Forge. He was promptly turned into a giant serpent because... the queen loves snakes.

** It's implied that he's gotten worse since his appearance in ''[[The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion|Oblivion]]'', where the player gave him an artifact which he used to [[Literal Split Personality|split]] himself and his [[The Conscience|conscience]], Barbas the dog.

* In ''[[Hatoful Boyfriend]]''{{'}}s Bad Boys Love route, it's revealed that {{spoiler|Doctor Shuu made a promise to Ryuuji Kawara that he would grant any wish his son Ryouta wanted. Ryouta's wish was for humans and birds to live in peace and Doctor Shuu, being [[Deadly Doctor|Doctor]] [[Ax Crazy|Shuu]], decided that the best way to grant this wish was to exterminate the entire human race because humans and birds can't keep on fighting if one side is dead, after all. Oh, and his methods to bring about said end of the human race involve deliberately weakening Ryouta's immune system so he can infect him with a virus that kills any humans who come too close to him and then letting his childhood friend/love interest Hiyoko get fatally close to him to test the virus, which leaves Ryouta traumatized for life when he finds out about this. But hey, it was all done to grant a wish Ryouta made when he was a fledgling and didn't know how warped his mysterious benefactor's psyche was at that time! Isn't that so nice of Doctor Shuu?}}

** Incidentally, the reason this all is in the story is to parody the implausibility of how, in [[Harry Potter and Thethe Chamber of Secrets (novel)|the original]], a series of coincidences led to no-one ever being killed by {{spoiler|the basilisk, even though just looking into its eyes was lethal. Time after time, the witness would happen to only see it in a mirror or similar.}}

* Variant: [https://web.archive.org/web/20130413050044/http://www.qwantz.com/apologies/000090.html "No, nothing ironic. Just bad."]

* [httphttps://wwwweb.archive.org/web/20160305122554/http://nicolaas.net/dudley/print.php?f=20050819 This strip] of ''Dudley's Dungeon'' (a ''[[Nethack]]''-based webcomic).

* [https://web.archive.org/web/20100927170933/http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1809282 This] Loldwell strip on College Humor takes the cake for jackass genies. [https://web.archive.org/web/20110322162520/http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1814463 This] one has the same general idea, despite the wishgiver being a leprechaun.

* [https://web.archive.org/web/20140605222841/http://www.comicswithoutviolence.com/comics/20080412.gif This] Genie manages to be an incredible jackass before granting any wishes.

* [https://web.archive.org/web/20130830103220/http://www.kiwisbybeat.com/minusb60.html This] [https://web.archive.org/web/20130830102722/http://www.kiwisbybeat.com/minusb61.html genie] from ''[[Minus]]'' He doesn't bother with irony, opting instead to clobber people for no reason. (One person wishes to fly and [[Fastball Special|gets flicked into the air,]] but that's probably a coincidence.) Double-subverted for [[Even Evil Has Standards|the last wisher.]]

** Taken [[Up to Eleven]] by [httphttps://wwwweb.archive.org/web/20131025033857/http://homeonthestrange.com/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=4 The Open Source Wish Project], a whole forum devoted to coming up with wishes so carefully phrased that not even this genie could find a loophole.

* [https://web.archive.org/web/20100219082718/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40087 This article] from [[The Onion]], in which Justice Scalia meets a genie who grants him a strict constructionist interpretation of his wish for "a hundred billion bucks."

* ''[[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal|Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]]''{{'}}s]] offshoot "SMBC Theater" features [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0y5dHmVRIc&NR=1 an episode of this]; {{spoiler|subverted when the "victims" turn out to be [[Complete Monster|Complete Monsters]]s}}.

* In the ''[[Homestar Runner]]'' toon ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20131111044844/http://www.homestarrunner.com/ween09.html Doomy Tales of the Macabre]'', Marzipan wishes on a crystal ball for a new boyfriend. Since Strong Sad is playing [[Killer Game Master]] with everyone's fates, she ends up with Coach Z.

* Its a popular forum game to play "Wish Corrupter" the basic premise of the game is for Poster A to make a wish, Poster B grants it, but with either a literal or jackass twist. Poster B then wishes, Where Poster Q grants, and so on.

* [[Rhymes on a Dime|The Wishing Skull]], from ''[[The Grim Adventures of Billy and& Mandy]]''. Mindy ends up strapped to an exploding rocket to "Be a big star." Pud'n is left to an unspecified but probably gory fate at the hands of a pet rabbit. (He wished for a bunny that would love him, and the bunny he got says that "[[Love Hurts]].")

** Something similar happens to Scrooge McDuck in ''[[DuckTales (1987)]]'', but Scrooge is savvy enough to insist that the wish-granting leprechaun not touch his marker. Of course, the leprechaun simply has someone else duplicate his marker. A [[Subverted Trope|subversion]], however, in that the correct stump was booby-trapped.

*** Another ''[[DuckTales (1987)]]'' example would be the Djinni (no relation to the Genie from ''[[DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp|Duck Tales the Movie Treasure of The Lost Lamp]]'').

* This is how genies (or at least Norm) work in ''[[Fairly Oddparents|The Fairly OddParents]]''. While Timmy's first wish from Norm counts as a [[Literal Genie]] moment (Timmy wished for an omelet, but not for it to appear on a plate), Norm gets immense satisfaction from the result of Timmy touching a burning hot omelet. Again, when Timmy wishes that "Trixie Tang [his [[Love Interest]]] loved Timmy Turner," he goes so far as to include the names to prevent this trope. As a result, his love interest is now in love with everyone ''else'' in the world named "Timmy Turner." Later on, though, he proves his status as a Jerkass by granting Timmy's wish for a million dollars by having Timmy's Dad ''counterfeit'' the money and be on the run from the cops as a result. Curiously, when Timmy wishes he had a lawyer, Norm (inadvertently?) summons up one who's highly competent and succeeds in undoing the damage Norm has caused, rather than following his normal tendencies and giving Timmy an incompetent lawyer.

** Rather than destroy Elisa, Puck uses his powers to turn her into a gargoyle. Thus, as he puts it "The ''Human'' Elisa Maza is no more." Demona, still not getting the drift, then makes him do it to the entire population of Manhattan. Needless to say, [[Hilarity Ensues]]. In fact, it's hinted that Puck does this because he doesn't like folks like Demona who have [[No Sense of Humor]]

* Desiree from ''[[Danny Phantom]]'' herself is a case of [[Literal Genie]] as her wishes can be beneficial if used right, but most of her wishes ends up screwing over the wishers. It's intentional; it's part of her vindictive personality -- sincepersonality—since her happiest moment was shot down, she'll be damned if others' wishes come true!

* ''[[Garfield and Friends]]'': In "Cinderella Cat", Garfield meets his Fairy [[Incredibly Lame Pun|Godfather]] a genie who looks like an anthropomorphic cat version of [[Marlon Brando]], who uses all of Garfield's wishes against him for his own amusement. For example, when he wished he had a million dollars, he gives him the money that belonged to a nearby bank, forcing him to run for his life from the authorities. Garfield gets even by using his third wish to cause the Godfather's wife to show up. [[Henpecked Husband| Boy is ''that'' lady a harpy.]]

* Warren Plotnik from ''[[Cyberchase]]'' is apparantlyapparently an evil genie described by Hacker as the most evil being in all of Cyberspace, and actually wants to free him in one episode so he can overthrow the Mother Board and take over Cyberspace himself. Unfortunately, Warren's only weakness turns out to be his own mother.

[[Category:JackassThe GenieJerk Index]]