Honest John's Dealership: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

 

 

These are the guys who'll attempt to sell you anything, mostly items that [[Fell Off the Back of a Truck]]. The prices are usually dodgy too, either too good to be true or obnoxiously overpriced. (The former usually catches more people out than the latter). All in all, [[Greed|their main goal is money]].

 

 

 

 

{{examples}}

{{quote|'''Akane:''' Whose side are you on?

'''Nabiki:''' I'm on the side with money. }}

* In the manga and anime series ''[[Area 88]]'', the base quartermaster McCoy is a prime example of this, stocking everything from toilet paper to nuclear weapons. He is not above tricks like placing a photographer's bag in the sun to force him to buy new film or selling faulty Sidewinder missiles at $20 each.

* Lina Inverse of ''[[The Slayers]]'' qualifies. In the very first episode, she actually haggles over how much she can get paid to save the town she's in from an attacking dragon, stating to her companion that "Necessity drives a hard bargain". A couple of episodes later, she sets prices for several items in her possession at 100 times the street price, and accuses the would-be buyer of having no balls for balking when he explicitly stated that he'd pay ''any'' price she named. Even her normally easy-going traveling companion was floored by that one.

* The Magikarp Salesman that often appears in ''[[Pokémon (anime)|Pokémon]]'' also acted as such, often tricking Team Rocket with useless things. A notable example was in James' first meeting with the salesman, where he tricked James into buying a Magikarp by making him think that it was essentially a Hand of Midas. James seemed to wise up and be very suspicious of any new encounters with him, although Jessie's a different story.

 

* ''[[Asterix]] and the Banquet'' (''Le Tour de Gaule d'Astérix'') has a <s>car</s> chariot dealer selling Asterix and Obelix a shiny, sparkling, good-as-new chariot pulled by a strong black stallion... only problem is, the carriage breaks with the first stone in the road, and the strong black stallion turns out to be an old, battered white horse painted with black dye...

** There's also a Phoenician recurring character, Ekonomikrisis, who calls his slaves "partners with the right to row". He's just a humble partner ''without'' the right to row, of course.

* Peter occasionally takes this role in ''[[BC|B.C.]]''

* Elvis Zimmerman in ''[[Piranha Club]]'' is one of them. Sid, too, who runs a shady real estate business.

* In ''Alan Ford'', the never-seen Bing (and perhaps his brother) is such a dealer. Sir Oliver is only ever seen conducting business with him over the phone, and then not buying but selling stuff fallen from the back of… well, everyone.

 

 

* The Merchant at the beginning of the [[Disney Animated Canon]] ''[[Aladdin (Disney film)|Aladdin]]''.

* ''[[An American Tail]]'' actually ''has'' a character named Honest John. However, he is more of a [[Loveable Rogue]] politician trying to get people to vote for him. Including ''dead'' people.

* The entire movie, ''[[Used Cars]]''.

* Reversed in ''[[Borat]]'' in which they wanted a really cheap vehicle just to get across the country, so the guy tells them that he can sell them a used ice-cream truck which isn't very well equipped but it will at least get them where they're going (i.e. the guy told the truth).

* Bobby Bolivia, Bernie Mac's character in the ''[[Transformers (film)|Transformers]]'' film, when he isn't masquerading as a [[Magical Negro]]. "Honest" enough to present an old, battered Camaro (which wasn't there yesterday) as a very awesome ride. Ironically, that Camaro turns out to be a very awesome [[Humongous Mecha]]...

* The Hutts are turned into this in the ''[[Star Wars Expanded Universe]]''. Understandable due to the Law Of Unequal Returns, but that part is never mentioned.

* Ferdy the Fence in the movie version of ''[[Stardust (film)|Stardust]]''.

{{quote|'''Lamia:''' You'd better be telling the truth, you two-faced dog.

* Limbo in Tim Burton's ''[[Planet of the Apes]]'' grabs some random stuff from a space pod and starts hawking it within 20 minutes of touchdown.

* The [[Robin Williams]] movie ''[[Cadillac Man]]''.

* In ''[[Mad Max]]'', Max encounters a shady gas station repairman who tries to sell him repairs on everything but Max's car frame. It's implied that his parts are all stolen as well. Max is too canny for the man and escapes with his pocketbook intact. The mechanic ultimately foments Max's downfall, though unwittingly.

* ''[[Flywheel]]'' has one in Jay Austin (pre-[[Heel Faith Turn]], of course).

* [[The Three Stooges]] got in on this more than once. Including one time set in [[Ancient Egypt]], of all places, where they sold used chariots that [[The Alleged Car|were about as good as you'd expect.]] It had a truly comical line from Moe:

{{quote|''"Greetings, friend! I'm Honest Moe, that's Honest Shemp, and that's... that's Larry."'' }}

 

* This trope used to be named after Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, Ankh-Morpork's most famous entrepreneur and inedible-sausage-inna-bun vendor, from the ''[[Discworld]]'' novels by Terry Pratchett. The true CMOT Dibbler is, if nothing else, an excellent salesman for his ability to continue selling his horrible products, even after everyone knows just how bad they are. And, in addition to the first Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, the Discworld is host to [[Inexplicably Identical Individuals|a multitude of variations on the theme]], including:

** Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala,

** Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibbjla

*** This has been described by the author as parallel evolution; he writes in ''The Discworld Companion'' that "Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food, there will be someone there to sell it to them."

*** Rincewind once observed that if CMOT Dibbler ever shook hands with one of his international doppelgangers, there would probably be some sort of explosion.

** Mention should also be made of Hobson's Livery Stable, which employs an [[The Igor|Igor]] as a vet, but is rumoured to use his extreme surgery skills as a horse "chop-shop".

* Mr. Wormwood in [[Roald Dahl]]'s ''[[Matilda (novel)|Matilda]]''. The tinkering with the cars differs between the book and movie. Maybe because the books is several decades older, and the Honest Johns had to update their methods meanwhile.

* In ''[[Arthur (animation)|Arthur]]'', Muffy Crosswire's super rich father sells used cars of questionable value, what with his [[Punny Name]]. Ironically, one of the episodes of Arthur reveals that he hates liars.

* In the [[Harry Turtledove]] [[Alternate History]] ''The Two Georges'', [[Richard Nixon]] is a salesman for used ''steam'' cars.

* The car dealership where the Joads buy their car in ''[[The Grapes of Wrath]]''. An unusual example in which this is not played for comedy.

* Mundungus Fletcher from ''[[Harry Potter (novel)|Harry Potter]]''.

* Tom Dennis Fitzgerald, the title character in ''[[wikipedia:The Great Brain|The Great Brain]]'' children's book series.

* Silk from the ''[[Belgariad]]''.

** This is even somewhat lampshaded in one of the books, when he ends up receiving a bottle of Rivan perfume, and is unable to set a good price (In his mind this meant good as in making an exorbitant profit without setting it so high he'd be laughed out of the Fair), In the end, he gives it to Polgara, who 'thanks him for a princely gift', which only disgruntled him further.

* [[Robert Heinlein]]'s novel ''Red Planet''. Smythe, a student at Lowell Academy.

* Sylvester McMonkey McBean of [[Dr. Seuss]]'s ''The Sneetches'', who manages to con the eponymous creatures into repeatedly paying to use his star-applying and star-removing machines, [[Fantastic Racism|so they can remain "different from the inferior type"/indistinguishable from their former oppressors]]. He only leaves when the Sneetches are all completely broke, laughing at their stupidity. This being a children's book, however, [[An Aesop|they do learn a valuable lesson]], and stop discriminating based on belly stars or the lack thereof.

* This is [[Cal Leandros|Robin Goodfellow's]] day job.

* Jack from ''[[Enchanted Forest Chronicles|Searching for Dragons]]''. Telemain actually warns him not to pad the bill on a magic carpet repair after learning that he's doing the job for a princess and the King of Dragons.

 

* Most characters played by Frank "Yeeeeeeeeeees?" Nelson, especially on ''[[The Jack Benny Program]]''.

* The Ferengi of ''[[Star Trek]]'' are an entire [[Planet of Hats]] of scheming salesmen.

** Harry Mudd of ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series]]'' is also an excellent example of this trope. (He ''thinks'' he's a [[Magnificent Bastard]]...)

* Classic ''[[Twilight Zone]]'' episode in which the used car dealer acquires a used car that forces the owner to tell the truth.

** Lampshaded as a plot point in the episode "One for the Angels", where the CMOT Dibbler type uses his schtick {{spoiler|to distract and delay Death, saving a young girl's life}}.

* Dan Aykroyd's early ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' character, Irwin Mainway.

* The Dodgy Brothers from ''[[Australia Youre Standing In It]]''.

* Benke Bengtsson from ''[[Vintergatan]] 5B''. A rather extreme door-to-door salesman, you could say, who travelled around the cosmos in a yellow, truck-like thing, usually coming onto the protagonists' ''spaceship'' and offering to sell them an 'Intergalactic Multi-Tool'. Slightly subverted, as, despite his energetic salespitch causing him to be mistrusted, the Multi-Tool ''is'' actually useful (Or, as Benke says, "It's used for ''everything''!"). Looks like he actually ''was'' honest, for once.

* ''[[Hannah Montana]]'' has Rico's Surf Shop, a beachfront establishment that sells mediocre, overpriced food and merchandise, and has been investigated by the health department more than once.

* The ninth season episode of ''[[Seinfeld]]'', "The Dealership", features Jerry buying a new car from David Puddy, who can get him an insider deal. George tags along because hes positive that all car dealerships are Honest Johns and wants to protect Jerry. At one point in the episode Puddy and Elaine break up and Jerry loses his insider deal, so Puddy rings him up for thousands of dollars worth of useless junk and tries to sell Jerry a yellow car instead of the black he previously requested. {{spoiler|At the end of the episode Puddy and Elaine get back together and Puddy happily admits the dealership doesn't even know what some of the expenses actually do. He gives Jerry a good deal, which Jerry blows by refusing to give him a high-five.}}

* Played for laughs with Junior Samples' used car lot on ''[[Hee Haw]]''.

* Private Joe Walker in ''[[Dad's Army]]''

* Averted/Played with on an episode of [[Newhart]]. George leaves the Stratford Inn and finds a job as a car salesman. Due to his reputation of informing the customers when a car actually was a lemon or not, he was given the nickname "Honest George" and would often be sought after by potential buyers. Another salesman tried to take advantage of this by [[Blatant Lies|saying he was Honest George. Even to Dick when he came looking for him.]]

* Kamekona in the remake of ''[[Hawaii Five-O]]''

 

 

* Honest Ed from ''[[Garfield (Comic Strip)|Garfield]]''. As Garfield observes, his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.

* Private Cosmo in ''[[Beetle Bailey]]''; basically Ernie Bilko with a reduction in rank.

 

* Convincing John from ''[[Fraggle Rock]]'' is a subversion of this in that he doesn't do it for money (of which Fraggles apparently have no concept) but for the lulz.

* Mad Man Mooney from ''[[The Muppet Movie]]'', who offers the traveling Muppets a $12 trade-in for ''both'' of their vehicles and claims a car that falls apart in front of their eyes is "collapsible, for narrow garages."

** He also has a "you pay the price you see on the sticker" policy. Although it usually means you're getting a lemon and no haggling, it proves to be his downfall when a slapped fly means that twelve-dollar trade-in means ''he'' owes ''the Muppets'' a nickel.

* ''[[Sesame Street]]''- the guy in the trenchcoat and fedora that ALWAYS cons Ernie out of his nickle.

 

* British spoof radio comedy ''[[Radio Active]]'' featured frequent appearances by, and commercials for, a highly dubious businessman called Honest Ron, whose debt collection methods mainly revolved around half a dozen out of work jockeys with sledgehammers. Adverts for his extremely questionable products and services were invariably accompanied by his trademark jingle, sung in a near-tuneless drone which did not inspire confidence in the prospective buyer:

{{quote|''Honest Ron, Honest Ron, the others are a con... Honest.''}}

* Sid James in ''[[Hancock's Half Hour]]''.

 

* What do you get when you cross Honest John with [[The Mafia|Don Corleone]]? Probably something a lot like the Free Enterprise secret society in the ''[[Paranoia (game)|Paranoia]]'' [[Tabletop RPG]].

* The Yasuki family from ''[[Legend of the Five Rings]]'' have been described as "the Wal-Mart of Rokugan."

 

* The Engineer from the musical ''[[Miss Saigon]]''.

* Thénardier from the musical ''[[Les Misérables (theatre)|Les Misérables]]''.

* All of the vendors in the "Christmas Bells" scene in ''[[Rent]]'' (in particular the one who tries to sell Collins' stolen coat back to him).

 

** Subverted (at least in Curse) because after being trapped in a coffin for some time, he decided to turn his life around; the insurance company was actually a legit business venture, so it's a shame that you can only progress by outright scamming him.

** Also, Droids B Us. If you buy the wrong droid, it breaks down, just like the R5 with the bad motivator in ''[[Star Wars]]''. In the remake, there are two droids you can buy that will explode in your face and kill you. (One blows up [[Everything Trying to Kill You|with no warning]], the other if you touch it a 3rd time, being warned twice by the game that the robot is too complex for you to possibly handle [[Press X to Die|without killing yourself]].)

* Perhaps as a nod to the Ferengi are the Goblins in ''[[Final Fantasy XI]]'', who are pretty much Ferengi <small>[[Recycled in Space|IN VANA'DIEL!]]</small>

{{quote|"Time is money, friend."

"I've got what you need." }}

* Almost every game of the ''[[World of Mana]]'' series features a suspicious merchant who is either an anthropomorphic cat or rabbit named Nikita. Sometimes he is playable, but he's always out to bring "happiness" to his customers. Like selling them overpriced glass beads as jewelry.

** At exactly twice the normal buying price, at least in ''Secret of Mana''.

* The Melnorme Traveller-Traders of ''[[Star Control]] II'' act a lot like this, selling the player a variety of useful goodies as the end of (nearly) all sentient life steadily approaches. That said, without the information and technology they provide, the game is [[Self-Imposed Challenge|substantially harder]].

** The Druuge as well: they consider profit to be of utmost importance, therefore they will do ''anything'' they think they can get away with if it will net them a profit. Trading with them can yield some useful items, but one must be very careful in how one does it.

* Arona Daal of ''[[Startopia]]'' is the absolute epitome of this trope. He'll be selling you ''anything'' you're looking for, all top quality; swear on all six of his grandmothers' graves. And at those prices, too; he's slitting both his throats.

* Tristam the [[Ninja]] from ''[[Final Fantasy Mystic Quest]]'' indulges in this.

** Easily subverted in the games. Buy the Magikarp from him, train it well, and you can have a [[Magikarp Power|Gyarados]] by the time you'd be able to catch a Magikarp normally.

** Also averted in ''[[Pokémon Black and White]]'', as buying from him is the ''only'' way to get a Magikarp in Unova.

* Murgo in ''[[Fable II]]'' is a classic example. He sells you several cursed quest items, and while he offers a variety of clothing, makeup & hairstyle cards, and other items, most of them are merely [[And Your Reward Is Clothes|aesthetic in purpose]]. The real invoking of this trope comes from his spiel about items he's selling in the "childhood" portion of the game as well as the things he'll hawk when you're standing near his kiosk as an adult. He actually does have some real magical items, but only sells them to serious customers (read, those who can defend themselves against the monsters in the places that said items teleport them to.)

* One of the salesmen on Volcania in ''[[The Legend of Kyrandia|Hand of Fate]]'' is like this. If you keep gathering seashells, coins, and starfish for him (not required and takes a long time), you eventually become so pissed off you punch him out.

** Not quite - everything you sell is in working order, but you charge through the nose for it. [[Con Man|Euria]] is a better example, selling [[Sarcasm Mode|rare, wondrous]] items and accepting a wider spread of prices for them... with that spread centered at ''500%'' market value.

* [[Crash Bandicoot 1996|Pinstripe]] is implied to run one of a classic variety in the epilogue of [[Crash Team Racing|CTR]]. While there's no suggestion of quality, he does apparently seal a deal more quickly once his tommy gun comes out. A less typical example in the same game that references the the trope title would be 'Honest Joe's Wedding Ring and Rare Gem Outlet'. Joe was convicted for laundering Cubic Zirconias.

* In ''[[Endless Frontier]]'' practically half the people you meet all get a turn at this. It gets Lampshaded quite a bit too, especially the pricing part.

* In ''[[Dizzy (series)|Treasure Island Dizzy]]'' you need to buy a boat to get back to the civilization. Conveniently, you meet a shopkeeper who'll sell you a boat for one of the treasures you can find in the game ... with no motor. For the second treasure you can buy the motor ... with no fuel. For he third you get the fuel ... but you still need to buy the keys for the motor with the fourth treasure.

 

* Bubs from ''[[Homestar Runner]]'', who sells an astounding number of things, often at ridiculous prices, out of his concessions stand. Snacks, drinks, broken computers, letters that fall off his sign, stolen artifacts, questionable medical care, bazooka-flamethrowers that throw throwing stars, chicken beaks, VCR repair, paint, Internet service, and so on. In the email "pom pom", he even tried to charge Strong Bad for "face smashings" and "severe pummelings" after Strong Bad tried to pick a fight with Pom Pom. He also attempted to sell Coach Z ''a used napkin''. Twice.

** Also, he'll take anything for his wares, including cash, money, cash money, Quesos, first-born children, and organs stolen from Strong Sad. And pencil shavings.

{{quote|'''Senor Cardgage:''' ''(standing on a lawnmower)'' Why, hello, Miss Trela. Check out Senor Cardgage's Intregway. Dump Tell No Mandy -- it's just a landmower moved bankways!}}

 

*** [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2003/08/12/episode-318-buckle-up-its-the-law/ When I say deathtrap, I mean deathtrap.]

** Thief also occasionally dabbles in this line of work. For example, when the Light Warriors end up on a frozen tundra, he successfully sells blocks of ice to his teammates, marketing them as Ice Armor and Ice Spells.

* ''[[Station V3]]'' features a used-spaceship dealer/all-around scheming huckster named "Honest J!on".

* Subverted in ''[[Misfile]]''. The car dealer is "honest John" to a tee, but Ash is enough of a [[Wrench Wench]] to [[Crowning Moment of Awesome|play him at his own game]]. [http://www.misfile.com/index.php?page=144\]

* ''[[Tales of the Questor]]'' features Merchant Max, a rather slick secondhand-goods salesman who isn't above selling cartloads of (mostly) total junk to a drunk Questor. To his credit, he later gave Quentyn some really canny advice of how to bargain for the quest items that would be in someone's possession. Yes, this was an excuse to make the hero take on a ship's load of low power magic trinkets as trade goods, but the general intent is decent.

* [[Double Subversion|Doubly subverted]] by [http://www.viruscomix.com/page495.html this] ''Subnormality'' strip: after giving honest information about cars on the lot, the salesman admits he's a member of Vendeurs Sans Frontières and is doing this as a public service.

 

* Nicolae of ''[[Gaia Online]]'', especially in the manga where he fences goods stolen from [[The Mafia]] to people who want to visit the local Don... In-game, users are more likely to notice the fact that he charges real-world money (via "donations" to the site) for ''zOMG!'' [[Power-Up|Power Ups]].

* Parodied in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZuN0xXWLc&playnext_from=TL&videos=bPVqPEU41As&playnext=1 this] [[YouTube]] video (warning: [[Not Safe for Work|NSFW]]).

 

* Cheddarman from ''[[Class of 3000]]''.

* Pete in ''[[Goof Troop]]''. Although you have to wonder how accurate the portrayal really is when you consider how relatively suscessful Pete's business is over the series. You'd think he would have been shut down at some point but he still makes a steady income; either he's not always as dishonest as he's shown to be, or the residents of Spoonerville are just [[Too Dumb to Live|too oblivious]] to complain about him too much.

* Malfunctioning Eddie and the dealer who sells Amy her car in ''[[Futurama]]''. Not that Amy [[The Ditz|makes it very hard for him...]]

* Wacky Wally, owner of Wacky Wally's Weather Machines, who sells slightly-used devices for controlling the weather to supervillains, in an episode of ''[[Kim Possible]]''.

'''Wally''': Great, let's see the payment

* In the 1943 [[Disney]] cartoon ''The Flying Jalopy'', [[Donald Duck]] runs into Ben Buzzard, the seedy proprietor of a "<s>wrecked</s> Used" ''airplane'' dealership. Ben is even nastier than most characters of this type; not only does he sell Donald the eponymous flying jalopy, he also attempts to knock Donald off as part of an insurance scam.

* The [[Looney Tunes]] short ''The Pest That Came to Dinner'' has Porky Pig trying to get rid of a termite. He enlists the aid of a fast-talking, shyster exterminator named Sureshot ("I'm here to help ya, son!") whose various schemes keep making things worse for Porky.

* Wes Weasley from ''[[Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog]]'', who first appeared in the episode "Birth of a Salesman". It should be noted Weasley has a few similarities with Phil Silvers, namely his voice, clothing, and glasses. [[No Celebrities Were Harmed|This may have been intentional]]....

* ''[[Daria]]'' has a used-car salesman who is not only sleazy, but creepy, trying to pick up Brittany, who is in ''high school''.

* Hiroki Ishiyama of ''[[Code Lyoko]]'' is another Honest John in training. He's already quite good at selling overpriced concert tickets to the students of his school. Just give him a few years...

* ''[[The Berenstain Bears]]'' cartoon from the 1980s featured a con artist called Raffish Ralph as a recurring antagonist. He was eventually incorporated into the books and later, for some reason, renamed [[Meaningful Name|Ralph Ripoff]].

* Gil, the eternally luckless salesman from ''[[The Simpsons]]'' sometimes tries to pull this off, but lacks the backbone, charisma, and intelligence to do so.

** There was also that one car dealer that tried to sell Homer a car from [[Ruritania|a Eastern European country that no longer exists]].

* Dishonest John, the villain in nearly every ''[[Beany and Cecil]]'' cartoon. He even runs a used car dealership some of the time.

* Al Swindler, he of the enormous nose, in several episodes of ''[[Garfield and Friends]]''.

* An episode of ''[[Rainbow Brite]]'' had a shady traveling salesman who conned Twink into trading the mine where the Star Sprites mine Color Crystals for some phony "color crystal seeds". The guy then proceeded to try and turn the mines into a tourist trap.

* The [[Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines|Dastardly & Muttley]] episode "A Plain Shortage Of Planes" has the Squadron getting a beat-up run-down plane at Bargain Bill's Used Plane Lot. Dastardly offers to pony up $10 for it (Bargain Bill asked for $1000, but he took the sawbuck if Dastardly threw in Muttley's medal).

 

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Bargain Tropes]]

[[Category:Stock Characters]]

[[Category:The Trickster]]