Hates Small Talk

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"Vulcans do not make small talk." —Tuvok, Star Trek: Voyager

The Other Wiki defines small talk, or phatic communication, as "Conversation for its own sake," versus conversation to transmit useful information. In many societies it serves as a useful social function, but this guy doesn't enjoy taking part in it.

Maybe he's The Quiet One or the Aloof Ally, maybe he has a laser focus on a single goal, maybe he's completely stressed out, or maybe he's Germanic Efficiency. Whatever the case, he'd rather talk about something meaningful or nothing at all, than Talk About the Weather. Also commonly comes up with people who have an Ambiguous Disorder, Emotionless Girls, Sugar and Ice Personality, and, well, anything to do with Introversion Tropes.

Truth in Television for many people.

Sister trope of Dispense with the Pleasantries. Compare Being Personal Isn't Professional, which may be one justification, or No Social Skills, which may be another.

Examples of Hates Small Talk include:

Literature

• Anita Blake repeatedly mentions how little she likes small talk, and how much she appreciates those characters who don't indulge in it either, like Dolph and Edward.
• Adlele Mundy has no patience for conversation that does not convey data, and prefers to get her data electronically without any conversation at all

Live Action TV

• Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. It's not that he hates small talk; it's that his idea of small talk consists of advanced physics theory, comic book and Star Trek canon, and obscure factoids he finds fascinating (even if no one else does). Things such as gossip, sports or personal relationships, he couldn't care less about.
• From the Star Trek franchise:
  • Both Worf and Odo hate small talk. Inevitably this leads to a conversation in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine where they make small talk...about how they hate small talk.
  • In Star Trek: The Next Generation, Captain Picard is not a big fan of small talk. In fact, when Data attempted to make small talk with him, he directed the android to keep an eye on someone who was notorious for being big on small talk. Data follows that order and the rest of the crew look in amazement as the resulting conversation rapidly shrinks to microscopic proportions.
  • In Star Trek: Voyager, Tuvok once remarked that "Vulcans do not make small talk." However, he does briefly make small talk with a hologram of Leonardo da Vinci. Although this was under orders.
• The "Vocational Guidance Counsellor" sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus has this exchange between Palin and Cleese (no prizes for guessing who plays what):

Counsellor: Ah, Mr Anchovy! Do sit down. Mr Anchovy: Thank you. Take the weight off the feet, eh? Lovely weather for the time of year I must say! Counsellor: Enough of this gay banter.

• in the crime-lab show Bones, one of the regularly-repeating crew of interns is constantly frustrated by the amount of time the main characters spend discussing their personal lives and dramas, so much so that "can we talk about the job, please" is basically his Catch Phrase.
• From Sabrina the Teenage Witch where she meets Aaron's parents:

Sabrina: Hi, Aaron's told me so much about you. Aaron's Dad: Then he obviously didn't tell you I hate small talk.

• Sam Puckett from iCarly, especially when it comes to guys and dating. She'd rather they not talk to her and pay for dinner... or even just give her the money and stay out of her life.

Music

• Supertramp's Casual Conversations
• "Small Talk" by Genesis:

Going round in circles, hearing too many points of view Just words to tire me out, small talk I could do without I would be amazed if you returned to see things my way Now that you've been disrespectful to my sense of pride

• The song "Everybody But Me" by Lykke Li covers this pretty well.
• Imogen Heap's "First Train Home" is allegedly about something like this happening at a party.

Tabletop Games

• Magic: The Gathering: Test of Metal contains this exchange:

His voice faded to a gurgle as the dragon leaned on his chest hard enough to spring a couple of his ribs. "Banter," said Nicol Bolas, "gets on my nerves."

Theatre

• In The Pajama Game there's a song called "Small Talk"

I don't want to talk small talk Now that I'm alone with you I don't want to talk small talk We've got bigger things to do Let's not talk of the weather Or the fashions for the fall Why don't you stop all this small talk? I've got something better for your lips to do And that takes no talk at all

Video Games

• Sten from Dragon Age. It's almost expected, considering he's a Proud Warrior Race Guy.

Alistair: You know, you can try to talk more. Sten: You mean I should remark upon the weather before I cut someone's head off? Alistair: Uhh... never mind.

• • Another example, when the player is asking questions...

Grey Warden: Tell me about the Qunari. Sten: No. Grey Warden: I...didn't expect that.

• David King, the plumber in the Resident Evil Outbreak games. His strong aversion to small talk lessens in his ending in File # 2.
• Mare from RPG Shooter Starwish. He initially appears to be The Voiceless, answering all your attempts to strike up a conversation with an ellipsis. When you finally do get him to talk, he still doesn't say much, and when you ask him why he hadn't talked before, he simply answers "You didn't say anything worth answering."

And yes, those occasions when he is willing to talk, is when you bring up important stuff, like 'the continued survival of Life, the Universe and Everything', more or less.

Web Original

• Maddox wishes he could kick people who make small talk in the crotch. Seriously.
• The awkward, filled-with-this date The Nostalgia Critic has with the The Nostalgia Chick drove him to breaking point.

Western Animation

• In The Venture Brothers episode with the Walt Disney Expy Mr. Brisbee, Brock at first tries to get along with Brisbee's bodyguard, but the other is completely silent and rude. Later on Brock is bored and tries to light a cigarette but can't, at which point the other bodyguard produces a lighter, prompting Brock to say "You're all right." Of course, it was all a trick to knock him out.
• Lemongrab of Adventure Time tends to be like this, thanks to his almost total lack of social skills. He prefers sending people to the dungeon without a peep to actually discussing problems.

Real Life

• This is why introverts are perceived as not being very talkative by so many, in fact. They don't like making small talk, but if they're asked about a subject they enjoy talking about, it may be difficult to get them to shut up.
• Phil Hill, the first American to win a Formula One championship has been described as being uneasy making small talk, but welcoming of a serious discussion on any topic.
• Steve Wozniak, one of the fathers of the modern computer, also hates small talk, which he has said is part of what made him so interested in computers. If he wasn't so asocial he wouldn't have become so interested in electronics in the first place.