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The Doctor: You think you can just shoot me? River Song: They're Americans! The Doctor: Don't shoot me! Definitely don't shoot me! —Doctor Who, "The Impossible Astronaut"

Good morning USA: I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day! The sun in the sky has a smile on his face And he's shining a salute to the American race. Oh boy it's swell to say: Good morning USA! —'Stan Smith, singing American Dads theme song.

"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps and an all-leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights. Yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at a hundred and fifteen miles an hour, getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter-pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers! And when I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag and then toss the Styrofoam containers right out the window, and there ain't a God-damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bomb, that's why! Two words--nuclear fucking weapons. Okay? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we've got the bombs. Okay? John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen. And when we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by fifteen million times. That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpah and a case of whisky and drive down to Texas--" —Denis Leary, Asshole. Definitely Type 2.

"Somewhere in communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard about America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy ... and tell him the awful TRUTH about this place!!" —Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

"This country wasn't built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime." —Mike Tyson

"Coca-Cola, sometimes war." —Rammstein, "Amerika"

Calm-eyed he scoffs at Sword and Crown, Or, panic-blinded, stabs and slays: Blatant he bids the world bow down, Or cringing begs a crust of praise; —An American by Rudyard Kipling

Saki: Take it easy. We have a cop here, you know. American Soldier: Oh yeah? Well, we have the fucking American constitution, bitch! Saki: Well, then it's easy. (Draws guns and blows him away) —Gun Crazy: A Woman From Nowhere

Stephen Fry What's the right word for someone who's from the USA? Johnny Vegas Obese? Graeme Garden Is it 'burger-eating invasion monkey? —QI

"How I love the life I lead Cannot think and cannot read Watch our values slip away Play the game of USA!" —Peter Schilling, "Let's Play USA"

We (the USA) are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. —Dennis Miller

Skyscrapers bloom in America Cadillacs zoom in America Industry boom in America Twelve to a room in America! —West Side Story.

Now when we think of countries with political histories that make your brain hurt, what is the first one that comes to mind? ...aside from mine. —The Nostalgia Chick