Telegraph Gag STOP

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TELEGRAM MESSAGES NEVER CONTAIN PERIODS STOP ANY PERIOD IS REPLACED BY A STOP STOP WHEN READ ALOUD THE STOP IS ALSO READ ALOUD STOP ORIGINALLY A JOKE BUT NOT KNOWN AS ONE BY MODERN AUDIENCES WHERE IT IS EXPECTED FOR READING A TELEGRAM STOP

CONFUSION MAY RESULT FOR READER OF TELEGRAM BY CONFUSION BETWEEN A FULL STOP AND OTHER USES OF THE WORD STOP STOP

COMPARE Reading the Stage Directions Out Loud STOP

Non-self demonstrating:

This trope arose because Morse Code did not have a method to transmit punctuation beyond spelling it out (writing down "comma", or most famously, a full stop). Additionally it lacks casing, meaning the entire message is in capital letters.

Telegrams charged by the word; therefore, the objective was to make the message with as few words as possible while still being clear. Marks of punctuation, such as the comma, period, dash, colon, etc., are not transmitted in telegrams unless the sender specifically requests it, and then they are counted and charged for, as one word each.

From the 1928 booklet, "HOW TO WRITE TELEGRAMS PROPERLY":

If you do not intend to stipulate that marks of punctuation be transmitted, write your message without punctuation and read it carefully to make sure that it is not ambiguous. If it seems impossible to convey your meaning clearly without the use of punctuation, use may be made of the celebrated word "stop," which is known the world over as the official telegraphic or cable word for "period."

Now a Discredited Trope; International Morse Code uses .-.-.- for periods. Or you could just send a text message.

Examples of Telegraph Gag STOP include:

Comic Books

• The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, chapter 4

"Son - Terrible crisis for the clan McDuck stop need cash stop come home at once stop don't stop stop"

Film

• In Three Amigos, the title characters receive a telegram from Mexico STOP They confuse a "Stop" in the message for a STOP and think that "the infamous El Guapo" sent the message, but they are actually supposed to stop El Guapo (the leader of a gang of bandits) STOP

Telegram: Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. One hundred thousand pesos to come to Santa Poco. Put on show. Stop the infamous El Guapo

• In Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band the protagonists receive a telegram from BD Hoffler, president of Big Deal Records STOP

Telegram: We hear your music is great STOP We need a tape of your songs and we need it now STOP And if we like your music we'll make you superstars and the money will never stop STOP Signed BD Hoffler, Hollywood

• It's a Wonderful Life: Sam Wainwright sends a telegram from London when he hears George is in trouble STOP Ernie reads it aloud, including the stops STOP

Mr. Gower cabled you need cash, stop. My office instructed to advance you up to twenty-five thousand dollars, stop. Hee Haw and Merry Christmas! Sam Wainwright.

• In The Sound of Music, Liesl sends the telegram "Dear Rolf. Stop. Don't stop!" STOP
• In the 1991 The Addams Family film, Thing has to resort to tapping in Morse Code in order to tell Gomez that Morticia has been kidnapped by Tully and "Dr. Pinderschloss" STOP For no good reason he includes the STOPs, which Gomez faithfully transliterates STOP

Jokes

• There's a Polish joke back from the Communist era: Poland was dependant on deliveries of natural gas and oil from the USSR. One day, Polish ice hockey team has defeated the USSR team at the Olympics. The next day, the Polish government receives a telegram from the USSR government:

CONGRATULATIONS STOP GAS STOP OIL STOP

Literature

• Adrian Mole receives a confusing telegram from his mother stating "Adrian stop coming home stop" and disregards it since it makes no sense as he can't stop coming home STOP This leads to later problems when his estranged mother turns up without warning STOP
• Pops up a few times in A Series of Unfortunate Events, as the characters begin communicating via telegram often late in the series.
• The Phantom Tollbooth. There's no sound in the Valley of Sound, so you get this:

BAND CONCERT GREAT SUCCESS STOP WHEN MAY WE EXPECT THE MUSIC STOP

Live Action TV

• Blackadder Goes Forth, episode "Major Star": Used as a joke by Blackadder to insult Charlie Chaplin, and in the same episode Chaplin took revenge in the same format STOP

Captain Blackadder: Yes... take down a telegram, Bob. To Mr. Charlie Chaplin, Sennett Studios, Hollywood, California. Congrats STOP Have found only person in world less funny than you STOP Name Baldrick STOP Signed E. Blackadder STOP Oh, and put a P.S.: please, please, please STOP Captain Darling: We received a telegram from Mr Chaplin himself at Sennett Studios: Twice nightly filming of my films in trenches: excellent idea STOP But must insist that E. Blackadder be projectionist STOP P.S. Don't let him ever... STOP.

• Used in the episode "The Late Captain Pierce" of M*A*S*H when Hawkeye sends a telegram to his father to let them know he is alive and safe. He even recites his intended message to Klinger, using TELEGRAM SPEAK STOP He also integrates the STOP directions into his message.

Hawkeye: Dear Dad. Stop. I am not dead. Stop. Thinking of selling my clubs? Stop. Spending the insurance money? Stop.

• Star Trek: Voyager. Tuvok and Paris are on the holodeck playing "The Adventures of Captain Proton" (a Flash Gordon Serial-Expy character).

Paris: It's a message to Captain Proton from the President of Earth. Intercepted communications between Doctor Chaotica and Arachnia. STOP. Chaotica at war with aliens from Fifth Dimension. STOP. Must strike now to disable Death Ray__ Tuvok: Stop. Please summarise the message.

Machinima

• This is a Running Gag on Red vs. Blue.

Simmons: Did they send the message via telegram?

Theater

• In the musical Crazy for You, Bobby receives a telegram from his mother and reads it out loud.

Bobby: "Dear Fat-head. Stop." Yep. It’s Mom. "Stop this nonsense. Stop. This is your final notice. Stop." Sounds like an electric bill. "Get back here on next train. Stop. Don’t stop. Stop. Will stop allowance if you stop. Stop. Your loving mother. Stop. P.S. Your uncle stopped by." I wish she’d write letters.

• • Later this exchange occurs:

Polly: Would ya stop this? Zangler: Stop? Polly: Stop. Bobby: You sound like my mother.

Western Animation

• Looney Tunes examples:
  • Used in the Looney Tunes short I Wanna Singa STOP A receptionist receives a telegram from a sleazy deliveryman STOP She reads it and the camera pans away STOP

We just received another telegram, Station GOMG. Stop. Your program coming in great. Stop. Think it's fine. Stop. Glad to hear your amateurs. Stop. They're all very funny. [camera pans back to show her continually pushing away the deliveryman as he keeps trying to hold her] Stop! Keep up the good work. Stop! Good luck. STOP! The gang. STOP! [she pushes him offscreen and he crashes]

• • Looney Tunes The Hardship of Miles Standish had a singing telegram.
• Pinky and The Brain had one in their parody of The Third Man:

PINKY START PACKING STOP COME TO VIENNA STOP GO TO 123B RUEGGERSTRASSE STOP

• • Pinky, as narrator, comments that it took him a long time due to all the stopping.
• Lots of it in Balto during the Nome-Juneau transmission scenes.
• Stewie and Brian of Family Guy have a similar gag in one episode while speaking on walkie-talkies. Stewie informs Brian that he has to end all of his transmissions with the word "over," which causes a misunderstanding when Brian actually ends a sentence with the word "over."

Web Animation

• From Homestar Runner:

"Sir Strong Bad STOP How do you operate the 'telegramophone' whilst wearing gentlemans' sporting gloves STOP Signed, Sir Elsington Halstindingdingworth STOP"

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STINGER HERE STOP