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''Well, I was pullin' your leg there, honey, I was just foolin' around!''
''I never meant to upset you, darling, I never meant to hurt anyone,''
''I was only kidding, baby, why don't you just put down that gun?"''
|[["Weird Al" Yankovic]]|"I Was Only Kidding"}}
Ah, the love song. About my lovely baby and my heart going out for you. About the pain of having lost you. About the fear that I can never have you. About ninety-nine percent of all songs in existence, and their lyrics all sound the same, and you just can't stand it any more!
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Sure, there are subcategories of love song—passionate R & B, broken-hearted ballads, and so on. But there are so many of each that each subcategory can feel overdone.
For anyone who has burned out after one love song that [[Tastes Like Diabetes]] too many, the cure is obvious: the '''Anti
* The hate song, where you croon about your heart-breaking desire to kill somebody.
* The overdone song, where the lyrics get so purple you have to laugh.
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Compare [[Anti-Christmas Song]], [[Spoof Aesop]]. See also [[Lyrical Dissonance]]. Contrast [[Silly Love Songs]]
{{examples}}
== Comedy / Parody ==
* [[Tom Lehrer]] was the pioneer and undisputed master of the Anti-Love Song. In the late 1950s and early 1960s, he traumatized generations with songs like "When You Are Old and Grey" (see the [[Anti-Love Song/Quotes|quotes page]]), "I Hold Your Hand In Mine" (''My joy would be complete, dear, if you were only here -- but still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir'') and of course, "[[The Masochism Tango]]".
** Although "[[The Masochism Tango]]" is more about a genuinely loving relationship among a very kinky couple.
* The Deadpan Diva of 1940's MGM musical comedy, Virgina O'Brien, provides a torch song [[Ur Example]] with [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EOSesOOD_g "Say We'll Be Sweethearts Again]
* [["Weird Al"
**
{{quote|''I like to feel the warm spot on your chair''
''Sometimes I drool''
''And usually I stare''
''My precious one''
''I saved that gum''
''That you threw in the garbage!'' }}
** From the same album ''Confessions Part 3'' continues the theme of confessions by being way too honest with his significant other.
** "Melanie" was an earlier [[Stalker with a Crush]] style love ballad that ends with {{spoiler|him jumping out of the 16th story window above her apartment to get her attention. He may be dead but he still loves her}}.
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* [[Mitch Benn]] does a lot of these. In "Imagine You Were Mine" the singer is a [[Stalker with a Crush]], and the final verse reveals he's composing this in prison, having broken the restraining order. "Now He's Gone" is a parody of 1950s "dead boyfriend" songs like "The Leader of the Pack", about a girl who kills her boyfriends before they can cheat on her. "These Ghoulish Things" is a gothic song with a man describing somebody as various horrible things in a complementary way, and then getting confused when she takes offense.
* [[Sam Kinison]]'s infamous "You Fucking Whore" (preceded by his equally infamous "emotional tampon" rant) expresses how every guy has felt after a bad break-up, but wouldn't admit for fear of seeming like a [[Jerkass]].
* [[Bill Bailey]]'s love ballad, which "encompasses all aspects of love; betrayal, hatred and depression." It shifts from a traditional ballad to a vitrolic parody halfway through, (and the cute moment of watching a duck in the park comes back):
{{quote|''The duck lies shredded in a pancake
''Soaking in the hoi sin of your lies...}}
* The works of [[PDQ Bach|P.D.Q. Bach]] include a few such songs, such as "My Bonnie Lass She Smelleth", "The Queen To Me A Royal Pain Doth Give", and "Jane, My Jane" (''For your hair is your crown (which you remove when you retire) / and your breath is like down (wind of a compost heap on fire)...'')
* Also in the classical genre is Paul Sjolund's "Love Lost," settings of four great(?) anti-love poems.
{{quote|''When you're away''
''I'm restless, lonely, wretched, bored, dejected.''
''Only here's the rub, my darling dear:''
''I feel the same when you are here.'' }}
* On the album for ''[[The Colbert Report|A Colbert Christmas]]: [[Christmas Special|The Greatest Gift of All]]'', there's the song "A Cold, Cold Christmas". Colbert sings about a breakup wishing death upon the girl who broke up on him to extreme degrees. Sample lyrics:
{{quote|''You hung up my heart like a stocking/Then went and stuffed it with coal
''Now I want a cold, cold Christmas''
''To gnaw at the depths of your soul''.}}
** There's also Stephen and the Colbert's famous 80s hit "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)", which has the subtext of being a song about a girl Colbert is stalking.
* Wilco's "Via Chicago" begins: "I dreamed about killing you again last night/ and it felt alright to me."
* Robby Roadsteamer's [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uTm7vDtoVY "I Hope You Get Ugly In Heaven"] is a power-ballad duet where Robby offers up some already skewed romantic sentiment ("I hope you get ugly in heaven/ 'cause you might love someone, someone like me"), which guest vocalist Heidi Lee bluntly rebuffs:
{{quote|''I hope you don't call me in heaven''
''{{'}}Cause you were '''creepy''' back on earth''
''I hope they have counseling in heaven''
''{{'}}Cause maybe that'd help you take it down a notch'' }}
** Even his complete non-sequitur reference to Pee-wee Herman is followed by her impassioned cry of "I love Pee-wee Herman/ but I doooooonnnn't love yooooooooouuuuu!"
* Lily Tomlin and [[Barry Manilow]] released the appropriately titled "Last Duet" as seen by the introductory lines:
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* On [[SCTV]], Dave Thomas and Catherine O'Hara do a brilliantly caustic, chipper impression of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM_igxqu3n4 Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme].
* Amy Rigby's "Cynically Yours", pretty much what it sounds like: "At the end of the day / I've got nothing good to say / But you don't suck / So I'm cynically yours".
* A possible [[Ur Example]] of this type of song was written in 1913, "And The Green Grass Grew All Around", not to be confused with the similarly titled nursery rhyme "The Green Grass Grew All Around", although it's also somewhat a spoof of the latter, which was written just a year before. The song involves little Johnny Green and little Sally Brown, starting out all innocently enough like a cute little Edwardian era love song before we see hints of what's to come. Wealthy little Johnny promises to take care of Sally and share his wealth, seeing as how he already gave her a lot of gold. The second verse is a [[
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* Future Bible Heroes, "I'm Lonely (And I Love It)." ''I'm lonely and I love it / If only I'd dreamed of it / I'd have broken up with you so long ago...''
* "Only This Moment" by Röyksopp can be interpreted in many ways, but these lyrics stand out:
{{quote|''I know I might lose you by taking the chance
''But love without pain isn't really romance... }}
* [[Frou Frou]], "Close Up"
* [[IAMX]]'s song 'Missile' is about a destructive relationship.
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''but she's such a serpent''
''She never shuts her yap''
''She's never content''
and
{{quote|''I've had it with being married''
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* [[Eminem]]'s "Superman" certainly sounds like a love song until you listen to those words. "Crazy In Love" fits too.
* "If Your Heart Isn't In It" by Atlantic Starr. Here's the chorus:
{{quote|''If your heart isn
''Why can't you tell me so''
''If my heart wasn
''I
''If your heart isn
''Why keep me hanging on''
''Just tell me and I
''From your life
* [[One-Hit Wonder|Eamon's ''Fuck It'']].
* Tyler, the Creator from [[OFWGKTA]] made the ode "Sarah" from ''Bastard''
{{quote|''I wanna tie her body up and throw her in my basement
''and keep her there, so nobody could wonder where her face went... }}
* Likewise, [[Cee Lo Green]]'s ''Fuck You'' has a similar vibe.
* [[Cage]]'s "I Never Knew You", about a man who falls in love with a woman he sees across the street and proceeds to stalk and murder her.
* Reggae rapper Snow has a song called "[[Trope Namers|Anti-Love Song]]".
== Metal ==
* [[Skyclad]]'s "Little Miss Take":
{{quote|''You can't be accused of procrastination,''
''one brief separation - the dream went stale,''
''You sever all ties with a swift laceration.''
''leave so many loose-ends- (thereby hangs my tale).''
''Were you scared that the truth could have made you fatter?''
''The Queen of Hearts - you dealt me a pack of lies,''
''then laughed in my face like it didn't matter,''
''that you'd crossed my head and I hoped to die''
''Both sickened to learn (and yet glad to discover).''
''that Venus once held me with (ch) arms so fake''
''I'd have once sold my soul for this faithless lover,''
''now I couldn't give a damn for my little Miss Take.
* [[Type O Negative]] has a fair amount of these, the best known of them being "Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity".
* [[Sonata Arctica]] have done four songs that tell the tale of a stalker, 3 of which are straight examples. "The End of This Chapter" is the original one, explaining why in "Caleb" he's stalking the woman and exploring his feelings. In "Don't Say a Word" he finally decides to kill his former love. In "Juliet" he has killed her, rejoices and takes a poison so that they can be together in the afterlife, only to find that she is [[Not Quite Dead]].
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* [[Apocalyptica]]'s "Anything But Love" doesn't even pretend for a moment to be a love song. lyrically the song details a female character talking to the man who is going to rape her. She essentially tells him to be as cruel and evil as he wants ("Go on infect me, go on and scare me to death.") and make sure she is traumatized and scared. Because she'd rather that than have him love her.
* Does [[Avenged Sevenfold]]'s "A Little Piece of Heaven" count (certainly a case of [[Love Makes You Evil]] anyways)? Considering it's about a necrophiliac that kills his girlfriend, eats her heart and then gets killed by her resurrected corpse. Includes such lovely lines as
{{quote|''She was never this good in bed even when she was sleeping
''now she's just so perfect I've never been quite so ****ing deep in }}
* [[Anthrax]] did a mock love-ballad, "dallabnikufesin", complete with the twelve-string acoustic and the tortured bridge that were stereotypical of the hair bands of the time. There was a line in there about "I didn't mean to hurt you / or sleep with all your friends..." and it ends with the couple reunited just before she gets hit by a truck, to which the singers start mock-sobbing and asking for tissues.
* [[Within Temptation]]: "What Have You Done Now" is both a [[Love Song]] and an Anti-Love Song, about two lovers who are now mortal enemies, but still in love with each other.
* [[Overkill (band)|Overkill]] wrote a song called "I Hate" about a disgruntled worker's utter contempt for his colleagues, bosses, and customers, and anyone else he comes into contact with.
{{quote|''Think I know how you got this far''
''Think I know how you got where you are''
''Think I'll hate ya when you're dead? I know I'll hate ya!''
''Smile to my face, know you'll lie''
''Say I got problems? Ask yourself why!
* [[Testament]] cranks this up to eleven and beyond with their song, "Leave Me Forever." The lyrics end on possibly one of the most venomous and hate filled rants against an ex-girlfriend ever.
{{quote|''I can't get away''
''I hope you suffer''
''I won't let love ever drive me insane''
''Unleash the pain laugh as you suffer''
''You turned our love into my ugly shame''
''Sick of your ways sick of the future''
''I take my life back to live it my way''
''Just walk away leave me forever''
''You can't erase all the damage you've done
* "Love?" by [[Strapping Young Lad]] all but states that love is just a way to avoid loneliness and get sex.
* Where to start with [[Avantasia]]? The Scarecrow Saga has tons of these, such as "What Kind of Love" about rejection and "Your Love is Evil". A dominating theme in the trilogy is the inability of the protagonist to find love or acceptance.
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'''Nikki''': Florida, when it rains, ought to be you.
'''Juno''': [[The Chikan|Pinchers in subway trains]] ought to be you. }}
* [[
{{quote|''I'll burn with your love like I was Birkenau,''
''I'll conquer your love like you were Poland.''
''I'll act on my love like Pontius Pilate,''
''I'll give you my love like I was Brutus,''
''I'll radiate love like Three-Mile Island,''
''I'll prove you my love like I was Judas.
* The [[Cut Song]] "Happily Ever After" from ''Company''.
{{quote|''Someone to hold you too close''
''Someone to hurt you too deep''
''Someone to love you too hard''
''Happily Ever After''
''Someone to need you too much''
''Someone to read you too well''
''Someone to bleed you of all the things you don't want to tell''
''That's happily ever after''
''Ever, ever, ever after-''
''In hell.
* "Love Song" from the musical ''Love Life''. (Key line: "But nobody listens to my song.")
* [[Leonard Bernstein]]'s ''Candide'' has "Ring-Around-A-Rosy" (incorporated into the "Auto-Da-Fé" number in the Final Revised Version), a song for the syphilis-stricken Pangloss. Its lyrics are along the same lines as [[Tom Lehrer]]'s "I Got It From Agnes," only with a refrain saying love makes the world go round.
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== Other ==
* In Spanish language, Paquita la del Barrio seems to be the embodiment of this trope. "Rata de dos patas" is the most notorious example.
* [[Subverted]] in ''[[The Bible]]'' (no, really), though you have to know the context. The Song of the Vineyard in [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=is%205&version=NIV Isaiah 5] speaks of a vineyard that's just no good, even though its owner does everything he's supposed to, so he's
== Pop / Punk ==
* NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" is a rare example of an anti-love song sung by a boy band:
{{quote|''I don't wanna be a fool for you''
''Just another player in your game for two''
''Call me crazy, but this ain't no lie''
''Baby, bye, bye, bye''
''Do you really wanna make this tough?''
''I just wanna tell you that I had enough''
''Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie''
''Baby, bye, bye, bye
** "Bye Bye Bye" was the first single from the band's first album after an acrimonious breakup with their previous manager and record label. Whether there is real-life subtext to the song is debatable, but if there is the video makes it ''really'' obvious, with a woman playing with the boys as marionettes.
* [[Pet Shop Boys]]' "I'm With Stupid"—on the surface, a fun little pop song about being in love with someone perceived as a dim bulb. The hidden meaning (cheerfully admitted by the Boys)? A satire of the relationship between Tony Blair and George Bush, sung from Blair's point of view. Contains the gem "Is stupid really stupid, or a different kind of smart?"
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''I wrote this song about you''
''just to let you know... that I hate your guts''
''and I think... you suck.''
* A lot of [[Hello! Project]] songs.
* The Dropkick Murphys song "The Dirty Glass" starts out sounding like a "lost love" song, but before the guitars even kick in Darcy gives herself away.
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*** In fact, it includes all four of the sub-categories listed in the trope description, and probably makes up a few more.
** "I Don't Believe You" strikes me more of a song about someone with such low self-esteem that they can't believe the person actually loves them. It's what I get from quotes like
{{quote|''You say you quote unquote love me''
''Well, stranger things have come to be''
''But let's agree to disagree''
''Cause I don't believe you''
[...]
''You tell me of what once was''
''And all about Buck, Butch, and Buzz...''
''And how I'm not like them because...''
''But I don't believe you''
[...]
''So you may set your charm on stun''
''Say I'm delightful and fun''
''But you say that to everyone''
''So I don't believe you
*** And don't forget 'I Can't Touch You Anymore', with lines like
{{quote|''I can't touch you anymore''
''There's so much to hate you for''
''You're asking the wrong questions''
''You're opening wrong doors''
''I love you, but I can't touch you anymore
** Also, "You Must Be Out Of Your Mind" - A hate song about an ex including the lines:
{{quote|''I want you crawling back to me''
''Down on your knees, yeah''
''Like an appendectomy''
''Sans anaesthesia
** "100,000 Fireflies" is, for the most part, an earnest (if bleak) love song, but then you get to the coda:
{{quote|''You won't be happy with me''
''But give me one more chance''
''You won't be happy anyway
* Lit - "Miserable" has a series of lyrics which suggest this.
{{quote|''"You make me come."''
''"You make me complete"''
''"You make me completely miserable."
* And of course, Good Charlotte's "<s>I Don't Want to Be in Love</s> [[Refrain From Assuming|Dance Floor Anthem]]".
* Feargal Sharkey of The Undertones has a good one: "You Little Thief". With lyrics like, "How does it feel to make a grown man wanna die", it definitely qualifies.
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* "Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend" by The Mr. T Experience.
* Before writing the many romantic hit songs of [[ABBA]], Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus wrote "Det Dar Med Karlek" ("That Thing With Romance"), mocking the amount of love songs dominating the top ten list. (A bad translation of the chorus follows.)
{{quote|''That thing with romance''
''Who invented it?''
''We're never left in peace''
''It's advertised everywhere''
''That thing with romance''
''What's so great about it?''
''How can we all stand it anymore?''
''Most of it's just a big pile of crap!
* "Goodbye Good Guy" by Frente starts off sounding like the typical pining-for-a-lost-lover-please-take-me-back number, but by the end of the song the singer has realised they've been tricked all along.
{{quote|''Something was hovering over you boy, just then''
''you scolded me, told me don't bother, and vanished again''
''and everything perfect you said was just mirrors and wires''
''you look left, I was right''
''Here with my feet in my fire
* "Possession" by [[Sarah McLachlan]]. An intense, highly erotic song... based on mash notes from an insane stalker fan. (Who tried to sue her for plagiarism, then killed himself when he lost the case.)
* [[Zombina and the Skeletones]]' "Counting On Your Suicide."
{{quote|''Baby, I hate you, I hate to tell you that I hate you''
''I tell you, I hate you, baby''
''{{'}}Cos I'm counting on your suicide''
''I can't be happy while you're still alive''
''And as the minutes crawl slowly by''
''I'm counting on your suicide
* "Don't Bother" by Shakira. The video has her destroying her boyfriend's Ford Mustang.
* Many Only Ones songs fall under this, particularly "No Solution": "Some girls say they're loving ya/but love is just destruction disguised under another name...you stand for everything I despise, but when you hold me and look in my eyes I know I can't let you go..."
* [[Fiona Apple]]'s "Get Him Back" is pretty much a hate song in its first two verses, then ricochets into an upbeat love song in verse #3.
* "Polly" by Captain Dangerous is an Anti-Love Song in which the singer gleefully describes how utterly unenamoured he is with the titular young lady. It features the classic line "By the way: I'm gonna kill you", as well as the chorus:
{{quote|''I've got condiments in my kitchen''
''That kill people like you in the evening''
''You look like something I've never seen before, see''
''I've got three words, and they're "fuck you, Polly".'' }}
** We can't mention Captain Dangerous in this section without mentioning "Boozehounds" either.
* 20 Fingers' "Short Dick Man" (also known as "Short Short Man" due to censorship) is a song about a woman turning down a man with micropenis.
{{quote|''Isn't that cute an extra belly button''
''You need to put your pants back on honey
* "Where Is The Love" by Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway - a song about a couple having an affair with each other, each demanding to know when they were going to have the other to themselves, and both refusing to answer.
* How Kirk Thatcher's "I Hate You" [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX8kKEh8DGU took so long to be mentioned]
* The Divine Comedy had one called 'Frog Princess', in which the singer recounts on a girl from his past who didn't actually believe in love, and drifted from partner to partner. His true feelings for her shine the most in these lines:
{{quote|''And now I'm rid of her, I must confess''
''To thinkin' 'bout what might have been...''
''And I can visualise my frog princess''
''Beneath a shining... {{spoiler|guillotine.}}'' }}
* "Love Fool" by The Cardigans. A sweet sounding song about how a women cannot get over a former boyfriend.
{{quote|''Love me, love me, say that you love me''
''Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me,''
''Pretend that you love me.
* "Wind It Up" by the [[Barenaked Ladies]]:
{{quote|''I can't believe that you'd believe that I would fake it...''
''Wait! Unless you count the things I said when we were naked.
* "I Hate Love Songs" by Gwar. [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin]].
* Madonna and Prince's "Love Song" in ''Like A Prayer'' has it right in the words that it ''isn't'' a love song.
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{{quote|''It's just a crush''
''Doesn't mean that I'm serious''
''I'm not that innocent''
* Little Voice by [[Hilary Duff]] is this
{{quote|''I know I sound insane''
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== Rock ==
* Bright Eyes' "I've Been Eating (For You)":
{{quote|''Yeah, you were just some song I wrote''
''A poem on a page''
[...]
''But now you're more of a basketball''
''Boys just pass you around''
''They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble''
''And then we all get high fives''
''And you may think I'm an asshole now''
''Well, that's probably right''
''But at least I'm not blind to the facts''
[...]
''But I still hope you get everything''
''That you care to possess''
''And unbelievable sex with him''
''Or any one of my friends
* [[Devo]]
{{quote|''Something about the way you taste makes me want to clear my throat''
''There's a method to your movements that really gets my goat''
''I looked for sniffy linings but you're rotten to the core''
''I've had just about all i can take, you know, I can't take it no more!''
''Got a gut feeling!
* [[Placebo]]'s "A Song to Say Goodbye":
{{quote|''You are one of God's mistakes''
''You crying, tragic waste of skin''
''I'm well aware of how it aches''
''But you still won't let me in'' [...]
''Now I'm breaking down your door''
''To try and save your swollen face''
''Tough I don't like you anymore''
''You lying, trying waste of space
* The Killers has a few, namely "Forget About What I Said":
{{quote|''We used to tear it down''
''But now we just exist''
''The things that I've done wrong''
''I bet you got a list''
''Now I know how you remember''
''All those moments that you choose''
''Will define me as a traitor''
''Stealing everything you lose'' [...]
''Forget about what I said''
''The lights are gone and the party is over
** "For Reasons Unknown":
{{quote|''But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to''
''And my eyes, they don't see you no more''
''And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to''
''And my eyes, don't recognize you no more.''
''For reasons unknown
** "All the Pretty Faces" (though, to be honest, he seems bothered by it)
{{quote|''Help me out, I need it''
''I don't feel like loving you no more'' [...]
''Well how did it happen''
''I spent two years in a strange strange land''
''Well how did it happen''
''I'd do anything just to be your man
** They also have the Murder Trilogy, inspired by the real story of a man who killed the girl he was having an affair with. It starts with "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf", that tells the man's reaction to his lover leaving:
{{quote|''Jennifer, tell me where I stand''
''And who's that other boy holding your hand?''
''Oh, Jeniffer, you know I've always tried''
''Before you say goodbye'' [...]
''And I've never liked your hair or those people that you lie with''
''But I'm not satisfied until I hold you tight''
''And I love you endlessly''
''Oh, darling, can't you see? -> That I'm not satisfied
** "Midnight Show" has him killing her:
{{quote|''I took my baby's breath under a chandelier''
''Of star and atmosphere''
''And watched her disappear''
''Into the midnight show
** And "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" is him lying to the police about her murder (''Ain't no motive for this crime / Jenny was a friend of mine'') with the lines 'She couldn't scream when I held her close' being changed to 'She kicked and screamed while I held her throat' in live performances.
* "Every Breath You Take" by [[The Police]] is a classic subliminal Anti-Love Song, which was written during Sting's divorce—but [[Misaimed Fandom|lots of people only listened to the chorus]] and thought it was a love song, when it's actually about [[Stalker with a Crush|a guy stalking the woman who scorned him.]]
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* For all of their straight-up love songs, [[Queen]] wrote a surprising number of these, ranging from "I'm in Love with My Car" to "You Don't Fool Me".
* "Heavy In Your Arms" by ''[[Florence + the Machine]]'' is a pretty vicious Anti-Love Song about how the narrator is a dead weight around her lover's neck, always dragging him down until he decides to just let her drown in a river. It contains this lyric:
{{quote|''This will be my last confession: "I love you" never felt like any blessing
''Whispering like it's a secret only to condemn the one who hears it }}
** Either [[Soundtrack Dissonance|weirdly]] or [[Stalker with a Crush|fittingly]], this song was featured on the soundtrack of one of the ''[[Twilight]]'' movies.
* "Up The Hill Backwards" by [[David Bowie]], immediately after leaving Angela.
** Years earlier (in his [[Old Shame]] days before ''Space Oddity'') he had [https://web.archive.org/web/20140115164944/http://www.teenagewildlife.com/Albums/DB/LYTT.html "Love You Till Tuesday"], a deliriously cheerful pop number in which a [[Stalker with a Crush]] speaker implores a girl to return his endless love, and by "endless" he means "it will last for ''two days''".
* Who could forget [[Meat Loaf]]'s "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"?
** "I swore that I would love you to the end of time! [...] So now I'm praying for the end of time!"
** How about another Meat Loaf/[[Jim Steinman]] contribution:
{{quote|''How do you abuse me - let me count the ways''
''How many hours in how many days''
''How does it amuse you - let me count the pain''
''How many rules breaking how many games
''Go on and take all your stuff - don't even bother to pack''
''In every way I want you out of my life -''
''But I'll kill you if you don't come back''
''I'll kill you if you don't come back
** We also seem to be missing ''Two Out of Three Ain't Bad''
{{quote|''I want you, I need you''
''But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you''
''Now don't be sad''
'''Cause two out of three ain't bad
* [[Frank Zappa]]'s first album, ''Freak Out'', is almost fifty percent Anti Love Songs, with each one parodying a different sub-genre of doo-wop.
* [[Paul McCartney]] actually made fun of this, possibly to the point of [[Subverted Trope|subversion,]] in "Silly Love Songs":
{{quote|''You'd think that people would have had enough of [[Silly Love Songs]]''
''But I look around me/And I see it isn't so''
''Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs''
''And what's wrong with that?''
''I'd like to know, 'cause here/I go/Again!
* "Every Day I Love You Less and Less" by the Kaiser Chiefs. The title is pretty self-explanatory, really.
* Even the [[Beach Boys]] did this. "Here Today" starts off ''sounding'' like a conventional love song, but the lyrics take a turn for the worse ''real'' fast, with lines like:
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* 10cc's "I'm Not In Love" [[Mind Screw|messes with the listener's head]] - on the surface it sounds like an anti-love song, but on another level it sounds as if the narrator is unsuccessfully trying to convince himself that he isn't in love.
** About half of the band's output was "weird love"/stalker songs, very often featuring extremely odd symbolism
* One up-and-coming genius in this field is [[Jonathan Coulton]]. For example, from his evil-genius-in-love song ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20070306011328/http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songdetails/Skullcrusher%20Mountain Skullcrusher Mountain]'':
{{quote|''I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you''
''But I get the feeling that you don?t like it''
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''And at least that way someone would care but baby no one does''
''Not even you''
''Baby someone is crazy and it's you.''
* The Beautiful South song "Song For Whoever" sure ''[[Lyrical Dissonance|sounds]]'' like a love song, but it's actually a parody; the song is about a songwriter gleefully describing how he uses his relationships with women -- [[Love Song|good]] and [[Creator Breakdown|bad]]—as inspiration, and how this brings him loads and loads of cash and critical acclaim.
** This hits its peak where it becomes clear that he loves making his girlfriends cry, because that always leads to great materials for songs. ("Deep, so deep, the number one I hope to reap/Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lover, cry...")
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** They've done a fair few. "I'll Sail This Ship Alone" is essentially about a man accepting his ex-partner's decision to leave him, while still trying to win her back. However, the song ends with the line "''Well they said if I burned myself alive/That you'd come running back.''" Another is "We Are Each Other", which sounds, on the surface, like a song about an intensely close lyrics, until it becomes clear that the relationship was suffocating for them and is now over.
** Their most straightforward anti love song is probably "Something That You Said":
{{quote|''The perfect love song it has no words; it only has death threats.''
''And you can tell a classic ballad by how threatening it gets.
* A part of the reason why [[REM]]'s "The One I Love" became the band's first hit was because [[Misaimed Fandom|many people]] saw it as a love song: "this one goes out to the one I love". Their ears didn't pick that not only the particular loved one has been left behind, but the narrator also calls her "a simple/another prop to occupy my time".
* "[[Murder Ballad|Used To Love Her]]" by [[Guns N' Roses]] is a fairly blatant and obvious example. Sure is fun to sing after a breakup, though.
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''You cheap lousy faggot''
''Happy Christmas your arse''
''I pray God it's our last''
** "My Michelle" is this because Axl thought a straight-up ballad was not an homage that fit the titular Michelle (in fact, she loved the song because it was honest!).
* Sara Bareilles has become famous for songs of this nature. Her portfolio includes "Bottle It Up", about the downside of love and obsession; "Gravity", about destructive love; and the ironically titled "Love Song", which was heavily influenced by her label trying to force her into writing a peppy love song.
{{quote|''I'm not gonna write you a love song''
''Cause you've asked for it''
''Cause you need one''
''Yeah, you see...I'm not gonna write you a love song''
''Cause you tell me it's make or break in this''
''If you're on your way...I'm not gonna write you to stay''
''If all you have is leaving, I'm gonna need a better reason''
''To write you a love song today
* Also "Fairytale", about fairytale love and how it doesn't work.
* [[The Sisters of Mercy]] did this one in "I Was Wrong".
{{quote|''I was wrong''
''I was wrong to ever doubt''
''I can get along without''
''I can love my fellow man,''
''But I'm damned if I'll love yours
** And "Ribbons", too, depending on how you interpret it.
* The Cardigans "Lovefool" (of ''[[William Shakespeares Romeo and Juliet|Romeo + Juliet]]'' fame) is mistaken for a love song because of the upbeat tempo but the song is actually a woman begging her boyfriend to just pretend that he loves her even if he doesn't because she can't stand to be alone. There is the line
{{quote|''I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go''}}
and of course the chorus
{{quote|''So I cry and I pray and I beg''
''Love Me, love me''
''Say that you love me''
''Fool Me fool me''
''Go on and fool me''
''Love Me love me''
''Pretend that you love me''
''Leave me leave me''
''Just say that you need me
** Most of their songs actually tend to come under this heading, if you look at the lyrics more closely. And even the ones that look like straightforward lovesongs lyrically tend to be undermined by Nina Persson's delivery, e.g. the [[Deadpan Snarker|snarky]] [[Creepy Monotone|monotone]] in which she sings "And now I've found a partner, no one could be happier than I am" (it doesn't help that the song is called "Happy Meal", which suggests less the anticipation of a romantic dinner the lyrics overtly deal in than cheap fast food)
* Maroon 5 songs fall victims to this sometimes. "If I Never See Your Face Again" is about an unhealthy relationship about two that kind of hate each other but have sexual chemistry that keeps them coming back to each other.
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** Another anti-love song by Led Zeppelin is "Your Time Is Gonna Come", in which the singer tells his lying and cheating ex-girlfriend that one day she's going to reap what she sows.
* We've gotten a long way down this list without Ludo's "Love Me Dead":
{{quote|''You suck so passionately''
''You're a parasitic psycho, filthy creature''
''Finger-bangin' my heart''
''You call me up drunk''
''Does the fun ever start?
** Their "The Horror of Our Love" fits a different part of this trope, being a completely serious love song... from a murderous stalker to a girl he kills midway through the song.
* The Turtles' "Elenore" is an example of the overdone sort of parody, complete with a line in the chorus lampshading how cliched everything is ("You're my pride and joy, et cetera"), though it's often mistaken for a straight [[Silly Love Songs|silly love song]]. The band felt they were being forced to churn out simple pop songs by their record company when they wanted to go in a more progressive direction, and intentionally wrote the lyrics to be as cliched, cheesy, and behind the times as possible, hoping the result would point out how out-of-fashion this kind of song was. Of course, this [[Springtime for Hitler|backfired spectacularly]]: The record company loved it, and it became one of their biggest hit singles.
* Also, Good Charlotte's song "Bloody Valentine" is about a man who kills a girl's boyfriend to show that he loves her. It has to be heard to be believed.
** The beginning of the song:
{{quote|''Oh my love''
''please don't cry''
''I'll wash my bloody hands and we'll start a new life.''
''I ripped out, his throat''
''And called you on the telephone to''
''take off my disguise''
''Just in time to hear you cry...
* The Mountain Goats' "No Children:"
{{quote|''I hope I lie''
''And tell everyone you were a good wife''
''I hope you die''
''I hope we both die
** Used to great effect in ''[[Moral Orel]]'' to highlight the hate-filled and miserable relationship between [[Stepford Smiler]] Bloberta and [[Complete Monster]] Clay Puppington.
** Actually, just about every song by The Mountain Goats qualifies.
* The Smiths' bitter song "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" features this memorable lyric:
{{quote|''Nothing's changed,
''I still love you, oh, I still love you
''Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love. }}
* [[The Who]] had "The Kids Are Alright," which is a fairly catchy, upbeat song about [[Lyrical Dissonance|a man leaving his girlfriend]]. In a similar vein (and on the same album) there's "A Legal Matter", about a man who's been forced into marriage now that his girlfriend is knocked up.
* "Anthrax" by Gang of Four features two vocal tracks. One is a typical set of anti love lyrics. The other is (largely) this monologue:
{{quote|''Love crops up quite a lot as something to sing about, most groups make most of their songs about falling in love or how happy they are to be in love, you occasionally wonder why these groups do sing about it all the time - it's because these groups think there's something very special about it either that or else it's because everybody else sings about it and always has, you know to burst into song you have to be inspired and nothing inspires quite like love. These groups and singers think that they appeal to everyone by singing about love because apparently everyone has or can love or so they would have you believe anyway but these groups seem to go along with the belief that love is deep in everyone's personality and I don't think we're saying there's anything wrong with love, we just don't think that what goes on between two people should be shrouded with mystery.}}
** And it doesn't get much better in "Damaged Goods" or "We Live as We Dream, Alone", though at least the latter is marginally less caustic.
* [[Rammstein]] revels in songs like these. Most of their lyrics have hidden meanings and most of those tend to be cynical or sadistic in the extreme.
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** "Stein um Stein" is about possessive love of the worst kind. It seems sweet enough at times, with lyrics like "I will build us a home with a garden outside" and "I will always be with you" - but then the details of the house are described... "No windows, no door, inside will be darkness", "with your feet in the concrete, you will beautify the foundations" - "Stone by stone I wall you in, and no one will hear you scream."
** "Amour Amour" is an outright damnation of love itself, likening the feeling to a predator who cannot be tamed. At the end of the song the singer begs for a way out:
{{quote|''Please, please. '''Give me poison!'''''}}
* "All Sparks" by the Editors:
{{quote|''Be careful angel, this life is just too long, all sparks will burn out in the end...}}
* "Die, Die My Darling" by [[The Misfits]].
{{quote|''Die die die my darling''
''Don't utter a single word''
''Die die die my darling''
''Just shut your pretty eyes''
''I'll be seeing you again''
''Yeah I'll be seeing you in hell...
** Many of their songs are pretty anti-love (like "Angelfuck") and pro...erm...old horror movies, really.
* [[GWAR]] has a few songs like this: "Sick of You" ("It's just your luck/You really suck/That's all--I'm sick of you") and "Hate Love Songs, which is about, well, hating love songs, among other things.
* [[Elvis Costello]]:
{{quote|''Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking when I hear the crazy things that you say''
''I think somebody better put out the big light, cause I can't stand to see you this way''|''Alison''}}
** Pretty much every other song he wrote for the first ten years or so after that first album was this.
* "Telephone Line" by [[Electric Light Orchestra]]
* [[Bowling
{{quote|''Ain't that a "B" with an itch''
''Ain't that a mother trucker''
''You can go to H-E-Double-Hockeysticks and F yourself''
''{{'}}Cause I'm so flippin' gosh darn''
''Sick of all the S-word you put me through''
''So F-U
** As does "Here's Your Freakin' Song"
* [[The Coasters]] "Poison Ivy" is also about STDs, and the song was released in the 50's.
* [[Steely Dan]]: to name a few, "Dirty Work", "Reeling In The Years", "Rikki Don't Lose That Number", "Hey Nineteen".
* Breaking Benjamin's song "Topless" is a sexually
* [[Faith No More]]'s album closer on ''The Real Thing'', called "Edge of the World." It starts out sounding lounge-swing romantic and heartfelt right up until "Come here little girl, would you like some candy . . ."
* [[Andrew Jackson Jihad]] has a lot of songs like this, most notably "I Love You" off of the album ''Candy Cigarettes and Capguns'', which contains lyrics such as "I love you like the moon and stars, when little kids get hit by cars, girl you know its true," and "but I'll take anything, and I'll take anyone. I'll take an angry lesbian with a loaded gun. I'll take a whore with syphilis and gonorrhea too. But darling, I love you."
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{{quote|"Ah, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary-[[Eagle Land|kaaa!]]"}}
* [[The Beatles (band)|The Beatles]] have a soft, lilting ballad called "Norwegian Wood" [[Disproportionate Retribution|about burning down a girl's apartment for being a cocktease.]] Apparently [[John Lennon]] was writing about an affair while trying not to let his wife know he was having one, and [[Paul McCartney]] thought it was a laugh to burn the place down at the end.
* No [[My Chemical Romance]]? For shame. Who could forget "I Don't Love You"?
* [[Nick Cave]] and the Bad Seeds have "Where the Wild Roses Grow", which is about a tragic love affair. Of course, it's tragic because Nick Cave's character in the duet bashes Kylie Minogue's head in... Adding to the weirdness is the duet he and PJ Harvey recorded on the same album, "Henry Lee", where Harvey's character slits Cave's throat and dumps the corpse down a well mostly for spite. Depending on who you ask, this fits their brief relationship rather too well.
* "Fool" by [[Everything Else]] is a good example. What makes it better is that it's a [[Sequel Song]] to [[Follow Your Heart|"If You Loved Her"]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf90wjabKi0 "The Final Cut"] by [[Coheed and Cambria]]:
{{quote|''In the final curtain call, / You left me here with the coldest of feelings,''
''Weight, kind, depression, / Blessing the floors with the places you've stepped in.''
''Will they ever measure up, / To the way you left me here by the roadside,''
''The bloodiest cadaver, / Marked in your words, I'm the joke, I'm the bastard.''
''Here, wait, so I guess that you knew, / That you're a selfish little whore,''
''I'm the selfish little whore, / If I had my way I'd crush your face in the door.''
''This is no beginning, / This is the final cut, open up.''
''This is no beginning, / This is the final cut, I'm in love.
* A large portion of Xiu Xiu's back catalogue has made great use of this trope, covering many, if not all, of the various angles mentioned above.
** Jennifer Lopez is a sort of open letter to the eponymous singer, asking if she ever gets upset about the fact that her music soundtracks so many mens broken hearts and sexual frustration in (presumably gay) bars around the world every Friday night.
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* [[Alan Jackson]]'s "Three Minute Positive Not Too Country Uptempo Love Song" is a parody of... well, [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin]].
* Jaron and the Long Road to Love (really Jaron Lowenstein of Evan and Jaron) wrote a country song called "Pray for You". Though very few would mistake its meaning once the chorus starts.
{{quote|''I haven't been to church since I don't remember when''
''Things were going great til they fell apart again''
''So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do''
''He said you can't go hatin' others who have done wrong to you''
''Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn''
''Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them
''I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill''
''And knocks you in the head like I'd like to''
''I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls''
''I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls''
''I pray all your dreams never come true''
''Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
* You might think just from the title that Jack Ingram's "Love You" is a love song, but the first verse makes it plain that it's not ("the heck with this, the heck with us"), and then the chorus starts: "Love you, love this town / Love this motherlovin' truck that keeps breakin' lovin' down."
* Jessica Lea Mayfield's song, "For Today" is a subliminal anti love song:
{{quote|''And while these words may sound so sweet''
''I could care less about you''
''And I love the sound of you walking away''}}
* "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks, which is a lighthearted, peppy song about an abusive husband and his deservedly unpleasant end.
== Fictional Examples ==
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmOuvh0I0ZE&feature=related Icky Vicky]" from ''[[The Fairly OddParents]]''.
* [[Harry Potter (novel)|Wizard Rock]] band Split Seven Ways has a song called "Sour Grapes" which may or may not fit into this. In it, Draco Malfoy complains about Harry with lines like: ''It takes more to win the war than sheer dumb luck / If he's not got his friends around to think for him then he's stuck''. But the song's full title is "Sour grapes, or a [[Alternative Character Interpretation|Passive-aggressive Love Song]]".
* Harley Quinn does a truly demented one in the ''[[Batman: The Animated Series|Batman the Animated Series]]'' episode "Harlequinade", called "Say That We're Sweethearts Again" from a 1944 movie called ''Meet The People''.
* Bart writes a quick one in ''[[The Simpsons (animation)|The Simpsons]]'' episode "Stark Raving Dad", quoted above.
** To the music of the "Colonel Bogey March" (AKA "The song from ''[[Bridge Over The River Kwai]]''")
* ''[[Phineas and Ferb]]'': Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus have sung multiple songs about their [[Foe Yay]] relationship.
** Doofenshmirtz also did a song (called "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72_AwLOUT8g Evil Love]") about falling in love with another supervillain.
* In the ''[[Space Ghost Coast to Coast]]'' spinoff ''[[The Brak Show]]'', Zorak suddenly acquires a singing voice in the episode "War Next Door". He uses it to croon out such tender ballads as "I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass" and "My Heart Is Full Of Hatred And Loathing". And the audience loves it. After the former song, he even tells the audience outright that "I mean it! I hate you all!"... and they ''still'' eat it up!
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P20SluuGGz8&feature=related Free Love Freeway]" by Ricky Gervais (or possibly David Brent, his character on the British version of ''[[The Office]]'') is a bona fide and incredibly enthusiastic love song... and also an incredibly silly one.
* Adam Sandler's character in ''[[The Wedding Singer]]'' explains that he wrote the first half of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTnq268y2ms this song] when he was with his ex, and the second half after she left him at the altar:
{{quote|''You don't know how much I need you.''
''While you're near me, I don't feel blue.''
''And when we kiss I know you need me too.''
''I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.''
[key change]
''But it all was bullshit!''
''It was a goddamn joke!''
''And when I think of you, Linda''
''I hope you fucking choke!''
''I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.''
''I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.''
''You left me here, all alone, tears running constantly.''
''Oh would somebody kill me please? Somebody kill me please!''
''I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please!''
''Kill me!''
''I want to die!''
''Put a bullet in my heeeeaaaad!'' }}
** Not to mention "Casualties of Love" in the musical version.
{{quote|''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Cause, trust me, love always ends''
''You'll be fat, divorced, and broke''
''While she has sex with all of your friends'' }}
* In the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "Christian Rock Hard" Cartman embarks on a quest to get rich writing Christian Rock songs, using the formula of taking ordinary pop songs and [[Critical Research Failure|replacing the word "Baby" with the word "Jesus"]]. The result is a series of [["God Is Love" Songs|creepy songs that make it sound like the singer is ''physically'' in love with Jesus]], with lyrics like "Crawl into my bed, Jesus, and let's keep each other warm tonight."
* Jason once wrote one of these to his sister Paige in ''[[FoxTrot]].'' [[Hilarity Ensues]] when it gets mixed up with a love poem his father wrote to his wife.
* On ''[[Metalocalypse]]'', Pickles the Drummer's old band Snakes 'n Barrels recorded the song "Don't Make Me Kill You", which is on the special edition ''Dethalbum''. The lyrics make it sound like it's about a guy who is horribly, horribly abusive, and is constantly ''this'' close to straight up killing his girlfriend. The ''music'', however, makes it sound like your typical 80s-Early 90s love ballad.
* ''[[How I Met Your Mother]]'' has a tie-in website [https://web.archive.org/web/20190812003811/http://tedmosbyisajerk.com/ here] with one of these on the home page. The singer alternates between seething hatred and being Barney's [who was masquerading as Ted] [[Stalker with a Crush]]. Oh, and it goes for twenty minutes, getting progressively crazier as it goes along.
* In ''[[That '70s Show]]'' Hyde tells Jackie and Anti Love Haiku:
{{quote|''My heart aches with pain.''
''When I see you, I vomit.''
''Die away from me.''}}
* Most of the songs in ''[[Xenosaga]]'' are like this, which is quite appropriate, given that pretty much every member of the main cast has had their lives royally screwed up by love in the past one way or another.
* The film ''[[Team America: World Police]]'' features the song "The End of an Act". It's half love song, half dissing of [[Michael Bay]]'s ''[[Pearl Harbor]]''.
* "Still Alive," the now-famous ending theme of ''[[Portal (series)|Portal]]'', is an unusually passive-aggressive example.
* [[Played With]] in ''[[Aladdin (Disney film)|Aladdin]]: Return of Jafar.'' [[Jerk with a Heart of Gold|Iago]] sings "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMrbT4Ycv1A Forget About Love]," but it's actually [[Reverse Psychology|a ploy]] to get Jasmine to forgive Aladdin for lying to her. Naturally, it's transformed into a legitimate love song between the couple by the end.
* Inverted in Disney's ''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'', where Meg's song "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_bEWXs_FX4 I Won't Say (I'm In Love)]" is meant to angrily indicate she's not only not interested in Hercules, but in men in general, but naturally by the end of the song she finally admits to herself she is.
{{quote|''At least out loud''
''I won't say I'm in love.''}}
* The [[Villain Song]] "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k32VKO-YZfk Don't Fall in Love] from the ''[[Beauty and the Beast]] [[Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas|The Enchanted Christmas]].''
* In ''[[Forgetting Sarah Marshall]]'', the protagonist sings [[Self-Deprecation|one to himself.]]
{{quote|''Everybody hates you...''
''Everybody wishes that you were dead''
''{{'}}Cause Peter you suck,''
''Peter you suck''
''Peter your music is fucking terrible...''}}
* The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0ciSjthE6M title song] for ''[[Diamonds Are Forever]]'' is a [[Fetish Fuel]]-tacular ode to love sucking and [[Money Song|jewelry being awesome]].
* The J. Giles Band's "Love Stinks" is a clear example. It was even sung by Adam Sandler in ''[[The Wedding Singer]]'', mentioned above!
* In Saki's short story, "The Secret Sin of Septimus Brope," the protagonist writes the following:
{{quote|''How you bore me, Florrie,''
''With those eyes of vacant blue;''
''You'll be very sorry, Florrie,''
''If I marry you.''
''Though I'm easy-goin', Florrie,''
''This I swear is true,''
''I'll throw you down a quarry, Florrie,''
''If I marry you.''}}
* In one episode of ''[[The Dick Van Dyke Show]]'' when his usually-shy brother performed songs while sleepwalking, one of his personas was the teen rock 'n roll singing sensation Skid Row. One of his "ballads" was this song:
{{quote|''My heart told me that I should get a wife''
''My heart told me I was in a rut''
''My heart told me I should get a wife''
''I wish my heart would keep it's big mouth shut!.''}}
* "Dumped Over a Text Message" from [[Look a Vlog]].
* ''[[Rock and Rule]]'' features Omar's band singing one of these at a talent night.
* [[Fern Gully]] features a lizard singing a highly sexualised song about devouring a shrunken man. [[Non Sequitur Scene|With no reason. And it never comes up again.]]
* In ''[[Kingdom of Loathing]]'' the Libram of Love Songs allows you to create love songs of Disturbing Obsession, Icy Revenge, Naughty Innuendo, etc.
{{reflist}}
[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Music Tropes]]
[[Category:Parody Tropes]]
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