The Office/Funny

The Office (US)
"Jim: I sent him faxes. From himself. From the future."
 * "This morning I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
 * "By the end of the day, my desk was two feet closer to the photocopier."
 * "Jim has been looking at me...kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me." * cue Michael's stalker stare*
 * "Game's over, I'm going to kill you for real."
 * I'd spend my time today listing all the pranks from Conflict Resolution but that would probably just take too much time.
 * Any prank by Jim ever on Dwight is probably worthy of a mention.

"Michael: (from inside the bathroom) Get Ryan! He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a bit. Bring a wet towel.
 * Particularly the pre-credits teaser where Dwight has replaced his chair with an exercise ball, and is bouncing around on it. Jim watches for a few minutes, then goes over and stabs the ball, causing Dwight to fall to the ground.
 * That wasn't actually meant to happen. The ball was meant to deflate slowly, with Dwight sinking to the ground as he glared over his desk at Jim, but when John Krasinski punctured the ball, he hit a seam and instead of deflating, it just burst. The actors resulting reactions are all genuine. This troper thinks that knowing this makes the scene that much funnier.
 * When Jim dresses up as Dwight. Which leads later to Dwight pulling a reversal.
 * Dwight arrives at the office to find every one of his possessions wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. He gives Jim an annoyed look and says how easy it will be to undo. As he says this, he tosses his briefcase onto the desk and sits in his chair...only for it to collapse. The desk and chair weren't covered in wrapping paper, they were made of wrapping paper.
 * "The Injury." Just... the entire episode. I was a big fan of the British version and was skeptical of this one, until my friends showed me this episode. It was all I needed.

Ryan frantically mimes 'no' to Toby.

Toby: Uh, Ryan is dead."

"Oscar: You're too heavy!
 * Then later, when Michael makes it out of the bathroom: "Ryan, who is supposed to be DEAD..."
 * DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT DWIGHT
 * "I... declare... BANKRUPTCY!"
 * "BUTTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!"
 * "I am here to SCARE YOU STRAIGHT!"
 * The phone prank on Andy, especially its conclusion.
 * Michael's reaction to Toby's return.
 * Dwight's "fire drill." I nearly fell out of my chair the first time I saw Oscar fall out of the ceiling.
 * Andy: THE FIRE'S SHOOTING AT US!
 * Angela: Pull me up!

Angela: I only weigh eighty-two pounds! Save Bandit! (throws her cat up into the ceiling; cat plummets to the ground with an angry yowl)

Michael to Stanley while he's having a heart attack: "STANLEY WAKE UP, BARRACK IS PRESIDENT! YOU'RE BLACK STANLEY!"

""Jim, you're six-eleven and you weigh ninety pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom, roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss-ass. Boom, roasted. Pam, you failed art school, boom, roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom, roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke. Boom, roasted. Creed, your teeth called: your breath stinks. Boom, roasted. Angela--where's Angela? Oh, there you are, I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom, roasted! Stanley! You crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom, roasted. [Stanley starts laughing] Oscar you are... [distracted by Stanley] ...Oscar, you're gay! Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck! And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom, roasted!""
 * Pretty much all of "Stress Relief," really, but especially Michael's revenge-roast of everyone in the office:

"Michael: No, Rose. They are not breathing. ... And they have no arms or legs.
 * Michael's experience with a CPR training dummy.

Rose: N- That's not part of it.

Michael: Where are they?"

"Kelly: I swallowed a tape worm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me, and then it eats all of my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months, I take some medicine, and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
 * As a post-honeymoon gift, Dwight gives Jim a duck mallard with a Incredibly Obvious Bug. For the rest of the episode, Jim screws with him by playing loud music, giving the mallard away, talking directly into it, etc. Eventually it is thrown away.
 * Andy and Dwight's duel. What could have been a really horrifying story was Played for Laughs quite successfully. The kicker being the office's realization that Andy was going to successfully run over Dwight by keeping his Prius under 5 MPH, rendering it silent - to which Oscar, impressed, noted that his old wingman 'deserved the win,' to general agreement.
 * In "Christmas Party", Oscar has this hilarious line: "I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I ... I got him this shamrock keychain."
 * Creed getting Jim. All it is, is an old flannel shirt wrapped in a plastic bag. "Creed obviously forgot to get me something, so he just went into his closet and dug out this old thing." Cut to Creed. "Yeah, that's exactly what happened."
 * Another "quick cut to Creed and that's it" gag:

Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm."


 * With Pam's help, Jim tricking Dwight into thinking that the company's automated ordering service has become sentient.

"Angela: No. A man is not going to remove his clothes in this office.
 * While you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oh, and sold more paper.
 * Going by Todd Packer's definition of "Seperate But Equal", Michael offers to hire a male stripper for Phyllis' bachelorette party:

Meredith: SHUT UP, ANGELA!"

"Dwight: What about that...meeting later? To...discuss finances?
 * Your Mileage May Vary but Andy's 12 Days of Christmas gifts to Erin. Despite the fact it was an incredibly stupid idea, the thought process and reasoning behind his over the top gift is hilariously touching. And the fact that Erin is such good natured, it's also funny to watch her overly polite reaction asking her Secret Santa to please stop, or lack of anger upon finding out, despite having a noticeably painful facial injury.
 * Ryan's wordless talking-head reaction when he overhears Dwight and Angela planning a ridiculously obvious tryst:

Angela: Yes. (whispering audibly) But don't expect any cookie.

Dwight: But what if...I'm hungry?

Angela: (severely) No cookie.

Ryan: (eyes dart left...then to the camera...then right...then opens his mouth, sighs, and gives up)"

""Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.""
 * Michael deliberately misunderstanding his sat nav and driving his car into a lake.

"Michael: I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um... Who do you think you are?
 * Deliberately?
 * When Dwight traps a bat in a garbage bag over Meredith's head.
 * Dwight's attempts to make himself infertile so he won't produce a baby with Angela yet won't break the contract they made. He held his crotch up to a microwave and put it under a ton of physical stress, all the while yelling from the pain that arises from doing something that stupid.
 * Michael's goodbye present for Toby. Also that he has so many lying around in his car for some reason.
 * Toby's entire Exit Interview was hilarious.

Toby: I'm Toby.

Michael: Yeah. Correct. Um... What gives-what-what gives you the right?"

"Michael: (ridiculously covers his face from Holly and whispers to Toby) I'll kill you.
 * When Holly says she wants to hear Toby's answer to the question, "What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?"

Toby: I guess everything's okay"

"Angela: (trying to sabotage him) I don't understand what you want from me.
 * The season four blooper reel where Michael reveals that he ordered the pizzas from the bad pizza place and the entire cast freaks out.
 * From the same blooper reel: "WE GET TO GO HOME!"
 * What made it for me, is that if you didn't know it was a blooper, it looks like everyone breaks down in laughter at the sheer absurdity of that idea.
 * Drunk!Pam at the Dundies, especially when she falls out of her chair, and "THIS IS THE BEST DUNDIES EVER! WOOO!"
 * Drunk!Jim and his "Closer To Fine" duet with Andy ("TUNA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"), ending with him crashing his bicycle into a hedge.
 * This troper's best friend laughs hysterically the point of tears at Andy falling into the lake in the sumo suit in "Beach Games":

Andy: Angela, it's pretty simple. Look at what I am doing and go tell somebody it!"

"Creed: "If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What have I been working towards?""
 * Dwight trying to leverage his "offer" when Michael has to get rid of someone in the 2nd season Halloween episode.
 * Creed convincing Michael to fire someone else in the same episode.
 * Michael and Co's version of Le Parkour.
 * In the gossip episode, Creed's response to the rumor that he has asthma:

"Your boyfriend's so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball!
 * Actually, all of Creed's one liners are pure gold.
 * Kelly's trash smack-talk to Pam over Darryl owning Jim at ping-pong.

Were Jim's parents first-cousins who also sucked at ping-pong?"

"Jim: Five to seven minutes. (tosses book aside) Five to seven minutes. (tosses book aside) Six minutes. Different, but not really."
 * "OH GOD...MY NIPPLES..IT'S STARTING!"
 * Michael's proposal to Holly. He spends the entire episode trying to pick the perfect moment to pop the question to Holly. Eventually this leads to one of the best Crowning Moment of Heartwarming in the show....until the fire sprinklers are set off in the room they're in because of all the candles - and even then it's still heartwarming because Michael, instead of getting upset that his perfect moment had been ruined, is laughing hysterically along with Holly, showing how much he's grown and how good Holly is for him.
 * "EXACTLY HOW MUCH POT DID YOU SMOKE?!"
 * When Michel fell into the koi pond and everyone cuts him up about it. "Hey Michael did you Find Nemo?" "Don't you mean Koi Story?" "When you fell in did you flounder?"
 * Jim impersonating Kevin.
 * In "Classy Christmas, pt. 1", Dwight finally turns the table on Jim. Jim goes into the parking lot for a planned snowball fight but Dwight isn't there. Upon turning around, he sees that the doors have been padlocked shut. Cue Oh Crap face. Dwight bursts out of a snowman and begins pelting Jim with a backpack full of snowballs.
 * In one cold open, Stanley mistakenly drinks Jim's orange juice instead of his coffee and doesn't realize it. This revelation leads the entire office to attempt to get Stanley to notice that like Kevin and Phyllis switching places, Andy shirtless, Dwight with a pony, and Michael with false teeth. He doesn't notice a thing, baffling the entire office, except for the clock running five minutes slow.
 * Dwight's Fire drill and the Vomit Chain Reaction
 * Dwight impersonating Kevin, Stanley, and Toby while calling David Wallace's office.
 * Prison Mike. Just... Prison Mike.
 * The episode where Oscar gets outted out for being gay. Michael tries to quell the tension by at first hugging Oscar after angering him but then goes the long mile by kissing him. Interestingly, the kiss was improvised and the shock and confusion of the cast members, save Michael, was genuine.
 * Pam utters a Big No after discovering Michael is sleeping with her mother. Made funnier by a break; in this case, she runs out of the office in a Big No, and the show soon cuts to a commercial break and upon return, she's still in the midst of her Big No in the parking lot.
 * "Frazzled" Jim when Pam is going into labor and refusing to go to the hospital. The best moment was when her contractions were coming within 5 to 7 minutes and she still refused to go to the hospital. Jim holed up in a hallway going through motherhood books.

"Michael: What are you doing?
 * Todd Packer in Threat Level Midnight: "If doing The Scarn is gay -- then I'm the biggest queer on Earth!"
 * In "Goodbye Michael" the fact that Michael's last, barely audible line is "That's What She Said."
 * Anytime Michael uses the That's What She Said joke really counts as this. Occasionally, someone else will make the joke before Michael can. This always annoys him.
 * Erin completely losing it at a restaurant when Michael tells her Andy was engaged to Angela. Suddenly Michael is the normal one for once:

Erin:(covering her face with her hair)"In the foster home my hair was my room.""

"Pam: Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake.
 * "WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!?!"
 * In "Jury Duty" Andy says his nickname in school was actually King Butt because he had a king sized butt.
 * Michael's proposal in "Garage Sale". It tripled as Crowning Moment of Awesome and Crowning Moment of Heartwarming as well.
 * In Basketball, the entire trash talking scene between Jim and Pam, but especially this bit:

Jim: I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah."

"Dwight: Meredith, take off your dress!
 * Dwight hassles Kevin for the location of the leads, and then automatically interprets his answer as code.

Meredith: Okey-dokey.

Kevin: No, dear God! They're in the trash can! In the kitchen!

Meredith: It's coming off anyway."

The Office (UK)
"Keith: Word of warning then, out there they call them "fanny packs"...
 * Classic ones are probably "Free Love on the Free Love Freeway" and David's dancing. Oh, that dancing... shudder.
 * Not to forget, from the very first episode: "He's put my stapler inside a jelly again!"
 * Keith, on the differences between British and American English:

pause

Keith: Cause fanny means your arse over there...

extremely long pause

Keith: ... not your minge."

"David: Under "strengths", you've written "Accounting"...
 * Keith's performance review is pretty funny too...

and under 'weaknesses' you've put 'eczma'"


 * Absolutely anything 'Training' episode, "I THINK THERE'S BEEN A RAPE UP THERE!"
 * The Series Two episode where Gareth puts a very sexual phone call on speakerphone accidentally. Made even funnier by Tim's absolutely flabbergasted face.
 * Gareth's rambling about the imaginary sniper on the roof across David's senile dad's retirement home.
 * If you don't know me by know...
 * David explaining how hard it would be to try to be funny when he just got fired. He even shows his (probably expensive) "chicken rider" outfit, and even though your heart breaks you can't help but to suffocate from laughing.
 * Mackenzie Crook in general is bloody brilliant in The Office.
 * David Brent doing a dance. For charity. He didn't have time to prepare, though.
 * Tim gluing Gareth's phone for a laugh. And then Gareth prying the phone open to answer it.
 * For us literary nerds, there's this line: "Tim Canterbury...The Canterbury Tales. By Chaucer. And Shakespeare.
 * The fact that it took Ricky Gervais and Martin Freeman over 25 takes to film that scene because they kept cutting up.
 * After a particularly disastrous night out at a dance club, Gareth is seen riding home in the sidecar with a couple for some Three-Way Sex. His face as he passes the camera is a thing of beauty.