The Nostalgia Critic/2008 Episodes/Funny

Cloverfield

 * The reenactment of the film.

Street Fighter

 * "Of Course!"

Mortal Kombat
"Raiden: "The Emperor's castle..."
 * From his Mortal Kombat review:

Critic: "The emperor's asshole?!"

Johnny Cage: "NOOOOO!""

Space Jam
""Okay, alright. Let me make one thing perfectly clear to all you Warner Brothers representatives out there: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I can't believe I have to say this: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I mean, we're people; therefore we like to fuck other people. I'm sure there's some small percentage of people out there that like to fuck bunnies, but that hardly seems like a very profitable demographic.""
 * And from the Space Jam review:

"Sylvester: We got balls!
 * "I mean, has there ever been a time where you honestly had the hots for a bunny. (Image of two Playboy Bunnies appear) THAT DOESN'T COUNT!"
 * The Nostalgia Critic wondering what it means regarding cartoon anatomy considering Lola has "bunny boobies".

Nostalgia Critic: (Disgusted) STOP! STOP!!"


 * "However, you want to be sure to keep these two elements as faaaar away from eachother as humanly possible. Because if you don't, YOU GET FUCKING SPACE JAM!!!

Pokémon: The First Movie
"Nostalgia Critic: *Sees the Kids WB! logo fly on screen* Oh that's a good sign... *sees Nintendo logo fly on screen* Oh that's even better! *sees 4Kids Entertainment logo on screen* What, are they going to show the people who CATERED the movie next?"
 * The highlight of his review of Pokémon the First Movie: "Pikachu! Stop hitting yourself!"
 * Also when he starts the movie:

"NC: What is a Pokémon anyway? Sounds like something a Jamaican would say when he wants to play cards. (Cuts to NC dressed as a Jamaican) Hey, you wanna play some poke, mon!"
 * The whole sequence when he watches the Pokémon fight with each other with dramatic music playing in the background.
 * Followed by his impatient reactions when the characters comment on how cruel the fighting is...and won't shut up about it.
 * This quote:

The Wizard

 * Guessing that The Angry Video Game Nerd is Jimmy, the movie's main character.
 * The entire introduction of Lucas. It starts out with the Critic practically worshiping him, then falling in love with him, and culminates with him swooning onto the table right as he says "I love the Power Glove. It's so bad."

Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs

 * Finger Prince.

Batman & Robin
"Critic: All that's missing is for Freeze to shout out, "First Gotham, then the world!"
 * "A Bat-credit card? They gave him...a Bat-credit card? They had the BALLS to give one of the greatest superheroes of all time... A BAT-CREDIT CARD?! [goes nuts] NOOO! NOOO! Does not compute! Does not compute!" (spews angry gibberish as he's restrained)
 * (20 minutes later...) "I apologize for that outrage. It was childish and immature. I just get a little peeved, when I see one of my childhood icons carrying... A BAT-CREDIT CARD!! YOU BASTARDS!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!!! ALL OF YOU WILL DIE, YOU'LL GET THE GAS!!!" (spews angry gibberish as he's restrained...again)
 * (One hour later...) *Deep breath* *Beat* "RAPE MY CHILDHOOD, WILL YOU?!?!? YOU WILL ALL DIE!! YOU WILL ALL DIE!!!" (spews angry gibberish as he's restrained for a third time)
 * (Seven hours later...) OK... I'm fine, I'm cool, I'm fine, I'm fine. So, after Batman uses the (very strained) you-know-what...
 * When he was driven to try to escape the review after one too many corny lines:

Mr. Freeze: First, Gotham. And then...THE WORLD!

(Critic suppresses an aneurysm, then puts a tape recorder and a pillow dolled up with a mask, hat, jacket, and glasses to somewhat look like him. He makes a "shhhh..." at the camera, hits "play" on the tape deck and leaves the dummy.)

Recording:

(Sounds of beatings, taken from Tom and Jerry, before Critic is forced back into frame.)"


 * "GODDAMN THIS MOVIE! It did it! it finally did it! Batman has driven me BATSHIT CRAZY!!!"
 * Iiit's...Supercrapafuckarifficexpialibullshit!/A film so bad that censors really oughta go and pull it./Sadly, there's not many words that only rhyme with bullshit...
 * "Yes, listen to the sane man in the bat-suit."
 * "This Batman movie has stopped moving forward with its dark storylines and complex character development, and has instead gone back to the campy bright and colorful style of the original Adam West TV show... *leans to the camera* HEEEEEELLPPP!!!"
 * Especially playing the sixties Batman theme over the first fight scene.
 * Don't forget the comic SFX of POW! WHAM! LAME!

Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs

 * The Critic demonstrating the various ways the DuckTales theme song will destroy your life.
 * And before that, him imitating the synth at the beginning of the Reading Rainbow theme song.

90's Sports Montage

 * Him trying to beat the bully that looks like his brother with the wax-on, wax-off method.

Top 11 Drug PS As

 * His reaction to the drug dealer turning into a snake is priceless.
 * On the Top 11 Drug PSAs, the Critic imagines how the scene of the boy telling off his drug-using father continues: either the father flips out and beats him up, or it becomes a heartwarming bonding moment. "I've taught you well, son!" Although the Critic has nothing to do with it, "this is cwack" is comedy gold.
 * The Critic's expression though to Pee-Wee's PSA though is quite comedy gold in itself. He somehow makes it more funny than when Pee-Wee says it.
 * His spot-on Pee-Wee impression is pretty awesome, too.
 * The "Brain on Drugs" ad. The Critic said that though it had longevity, everyone he knew always had a witty follow-up question to counter it. Also, his asking witty follow-up questions through repeated sayings of "Any questions?" is hilarious. The 90's follow-up "Brain on Drugs" update with a frying pan-wielding Rachael Leigh Cook wrecking the kitchen freaked him out so much, that when she calmly asks, "Any questions?" at the end of the ad, he responds, "Yeah, what the hell kind of drugs are you on?!"
 * The insult itself is so lame it doesn't get even Narm points, but the Critic's reaction to "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey!" is hilarious.
 * The "Brain on Drugs" ad. The Critic said that though it had longevity, everyone he knew always had a witty follow-up question to counter it. Also, his asking witty follow-up questions through repeated sayings of "Any questions?" is hilarious. The 90's follow-up "Brain on Drugs" update with a frying pan-wielding Rachael Leigh Cook wrecking the kitchen freaked him out so much, that when she calmly asks, "Any questions?" at the end of the ad, he responds, "Yeah, what the hell kind of drugs are you on?!"
 * The insult itself is so lame it doesn't get even Narm points, but the Critic's reaction to "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey!" is hilarious.
 * The insult itself is so lame it doesn't get even Narm points, but the Critic's reaction to "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey!" is hilarious.

Captain Planet
"Critic: So, Captain Planet, what other issues are you going to talk to grade school kids about?
 * From the Captain Planet and the Planeteers review, his reaction to learning the topic of one of the Very Special Episodes. His face is all that needs to be said.

Kid: AIDS?

Cartoon sound effect, look of absolute dumbfoundedness on Critic's face."

"Critic: Hey everybody! Childbirth is bad!
 * From the same episode above, in regards to the easily-swayed regular people:

(Audience Boos)

Critic: But genocide is good!

(Audience cheers)"

"Sauron: !"
 * The Critic tries the Heart ring but gets his rings mixed up.

""He's an exterminator's nightmare!""
 * The alternate ending to the gang violence episode where the gangbangers shoot the Planeteers.
 * Wheeler comments on Beakman's World.


 * Getting beat by a ruler whenever he says "Ruler".
 * And then at the end of the episode, he gets out his gun and says "Ruler" and turns around ready to shoot the ruler. But the ruler comes out from the other side, and whacks the Critic on the head.

Double Dare

 * Him showing what Marc Summers' life as the host having OCD would have been.

3 Ninjas

 * Him noting the weight difference between the grandfather's actor and his double.
 * The villain wasting millions of dollars training his henchmen to appear when he says a certain phrase.
 * "Cake."
 * "Ah!!! Jellybeans!!! My one weakness!!!"
 * Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles beat up Macaulay Culkin: The Movie.

Top 11 Hottest Animated Women

 * How the monsters wait when Sailor Moon transforms.

Bébé's Kids SNES
""HA-HA! I BEAT HIM! I ACTUALLY BEAT HIM! THERE IS A GOD--!"
 * The Critic's SNES review of Bébé's Kids:

"A time limit? There's a time limit? I could eat my way through a WALL FASTER THAN I CAN DEFEAT THESE ASSHOLES, AND THERE'S A TIME LIMIT?!"

"And, throw it! And, throw it! THROW IT, YOU BITCH!!"

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW I COULD DO IT! I KNEW I COULD PULL IT O--!""


 * "THAT'S! JUST! IM! POSSIBLE!"
 * How can ANYBODY forget the ending where he almost makes it out of the haunted house, but then, the time limit was up and he breaks down, lets out a Kaiju-esque roar and proceeds to destroy the Bebe's Kids cartridge by smashing it with a hammer, jumping on it, and spitting on it.
 * The face the Critic makes when the time runs out.
 * Getting Kyle Justin to spoof the AVGN theme counts by itself, but then there's the Critic's take on the Nerd's use of Rolling Rock.
 * The extended sequence where the Critic goes on about the "No Vibes No beVis No beVis No Vibes" sign. Particularly at the end, where he proclaims how he's going nuts over absolutely nothing and he's just started the game.

Masters of the Universe
"He-Man! And the Raiders of Kentucky Fried Chicken!!
 * Anytime Critic made up a new subtitle for the movie title (adding in the oddly missing 'He-Man'):

He-Man! And the Masters of the Depressing Plot Expositions!!

He-Man! And the Shoppers of the Feminine Automobiles!!

He-Man! And the Mystic Time Travelers of the Oingo Boingo!!"


 * NC throughout Skeletor's long-winded speech.

Follow That Bird
""WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'M THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC! Not the Pussified-Emotional-Cries-over&shy;-every-Sesame-Street-related-m&shy;otion-picture-epic-where-every&shy;-person-puppet-and-occasional-&shy;animated-animal-tugs-at-your-h&shy;eartstrings CRITIC!""
 * Right after the Nostalgia Critic has two Squee attacks at the sight of Mr. Snuffalupagus, he slaps himself and says the following:

""There's this lady, who looks like one of my acid fantasies..."
 * When Big Bird begins to have a nervous breakdown from the Dodo family's endless jabber, Doug does Big Bird a favor and screams/roars "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in proxy.
 * The Critic, unable to insult something that he grew up with, makes Chester A. Bum finish the reveiw. The fact Chester's review plays over fastforwarded clips no doubt left a good first impression on many. To wit:

"Dude, what is your deal? This is his home! GO BACK TO RUSSIA!!"

"I ATE MY CAR THINKING IT WAS A COOKIE ONCE! Only it wasn't a cookie...or a car...IT WAS MAN!"

Saved by the Bell

 * The Critic's review of Saved by the Bell ends with the Critic laughing for a minute and a half straight at Zack's ridiculous rock star outfit ("He looks like Vanilla Ice's bitch!") ending it with "....I think I just orgasmed....."
 * "OOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!"
 * 'You duck-killing mother-FUCKER!'

Tom and Jerry: the Movie
Everybody's coming to get me...]]'' ♫
 * "A cat and a mouse are driving a ship trying to save the daughter of Indiana Jones while being chased by a Purple People Eater, a dog on a skateboard, a performing ship captain, his hand puppet Squawk, two Mexican wrestlers, and a doctor riding an ice cream cart! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Mind Fuck."
 * ♪ ''[[Harvey Danger Paranoia, paranoia
 * Also, the most awesome Spit Take ever involving sangria and watermelon.
 * And his words immediately afterward? "The Apocalypse has finally begun, Pigs are learning how to fly, Satan is skating his way to work, and I'm pretty sure that I just became a monkey's uncle."
 * "Is he going to sexually assault that bike?"
 * "How do I know all this? BECAUSE HE SINGS ABOUT IT!"
 * "So after they escape the singing cat gang, good God, did I really just say that?"
 * Well, there's this dog on a skateboard. And yeah, he sounds like Gollum. (shrugs wearily)
 * His deadpan, "Well...that was dark." after it seems Tom and Jerry were burnt to death in the fire.

Top 11 Saddest Moments

 * The gags based on the Mood Backlash created by the scene after the death of Bambi's mother.
 * especially the ending.
 * Bugs Bunny MADE ME CRY!

Surf Ninjas
": Remember, I died for your sins!"
 * How about  resurrecting him at the end of the Surf Ninjas review?


 * One word: GENIUS!!!!
 * The funniest moment from the entire series is when he compares and contrasts this film with Apocalypse Now. He shows a clip of Marlon Brando, his face half cloaked in shadow, glumly intoning, "Horror...has a face...and you must make a friend of horror." Cut to Ernie Reyes goofily saying, "What's TALL, DARK, wears a PATCH, and always seems to be on my BUTT?!" "It's almost like Ford Coppola directed both movies!"
 * They take surfing so seriously that they even treat their car as a surfboard rowing their way to school not caring how nobody has their hand on the steering wheel putting dozens of lifes at risk. Those lovable rapscallions.
 * "Bend your knees, use your arms!"

Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows

 * His over analysis of Ren And Stimpy
 * "He's Scarier as Uncle Phil!"

Kazaam
"Kazaam: Problem is, Djinn only exist in fairy tales. I don't believe in fairy tales.
 * This exchange:

Critic: *Beat* The genie doesn't believe in fairy tales. *moves closer to the camera* The Genie doesn't believe in fairy tales. *another Beat, then the Critic knocks on the camera* HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?"

"Critic: So a white person owns a black person to provide services against his will without getting paid. There's a word for that, I can't quite think what it is...um, ownership? No no no no, that's not it, that's not it... Um, possession! No no no, that's not what I'm lookin' for either. It's something along the lines of um, um...
 * "He's gonna go Shaq Fu on your asses!" (Awesomeness ensues)
 * SHAQGASM!
 * This moment:

(The title card says SLAVERY.)

Critic: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE?!"


 * BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!!!
 * "He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went in a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? Oh yeah, go through the hole."
 * "If I could make a wish, I'd wish that this movie never existed!"
 * And then he ended up railing Citizen Kane, getting boos from the crowd, and struggling to explain himself to them.

Nostalgia Critic Vs. The Angry Video Game Nerd final battle
"NC: (after getting kicked into a wall of cardboard boxes) Who keeps piles of boxes around? Honestly?
 * The Nostalgia Critic Vs. The Angry Video Game Nerd final battle is a thing of true beauty, particularly the Cluster F Broadsides they hit each other with mid-battle.

AVGN: Oh, don't you talk about my boxes! I like boxes!

NC: That's the fuckest thing I've ever heard, shit-mop!

AVGN: Shitload of fuck!

NC: Fuckmonkey!

AVGN: I'm giving you both middle fingers... AT FULL FORCE!

NC: Cow-humping transvestite!

AVGN: Fee-fi-fo-fuck you!

NC: Ass-blower!

AVGN: Turdburglar! Robble-robble-robble!

NC: (mocking tone) Oh, look at me, I'm the Angry Video Game Nerd!

(Both of them babble at each other incomprehensibly for a few seconds)

AVGN: Shuuuuuuuuut up! Shuuuuuuuuuuuut up! Shuuuuuuuuuut up!

NC: You fucky little fuckless fucking motherfucking fucket of fucking world!

Both: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

NC: Cocknocker!

AVGN: (Beat)...Jerk.

NC: *gasp!* That's it!"

"Camera Man: (after everything above) Well, that just about sums up this whole feud, doesn't it?"
 * In the behind the scenes video, the camera guy does one better:

"Critic: There's four guys in this house, and nobody knows how to tie a tie!
 * Also from the behind-the-scenes video, no-one knowing how to tie a tie, when the Critic's starts coming undone. Which leads to this moment...!

Cameraman: *As the Nerd ties the Critic's tie for him* Now he's dressing you.

Critic: This is never making it anywhere. This is never going to be shown."

""But Super-Mega-Kablooey-Jesus comes out! And he's like 'Fudgers! Fudgers!' ...Remember, [I'm] Mormon.""
 * Chester A. Bum's review of the Final Battle is pretty great as well.

"Chester: I have had it with these motherfucking Iron Men on my motherfucking donuts."
 * Turns Hilarious in Hindsight in his review of Iron Man 2, wherein the Bum's defining characteristic of Samuel L. Jackson is his carpet Cluster F Bombing. I'd decry it as Hypocritical Humor, unless the Mormons kicked him out. Now calling I Knew It! on any future "I was a Mormon once!"

Drew Struzan Tribute

 * His Take That to Inspector Gadget 2.
 * Him complaining that the only thing the Shrek cast does on its poster is sit on one spot.
 * Getting happy to be called an asshole by Drew Struzan.

Teddy Ruxpin Doll Halloween 2008 Special

 * Teddy Ruxpin biting him in the balls.

Double Dragon
"Mickey Mouse: Ha-ha! Aim for the jugular!"
 * "This is like waterboarding by Popeye!"
 * And when he complains that the Mooks' designs are so random and Narm-y that he wouldn't be surprised if Mickey Mouse suddenly appeared amidst them...


 * "...Did the music just belch?"
 * His completely justified rant when he sees the Double Dragon arcade game in the background.
 * "And to your right, you'll see a shitty movie being made."
 * The Randomly-Leaping-Off-Tall-Buildings Postman ("Maybe this wasn't such a hot IDEAAAAAAAAAA!" [splat]).
 * AIR MAIL
 * The girl who leads one of the gangs ties up the villainess, leading to festishy ranting from the Critic "...and cover her in maple syrup and make her wear a sailor costume and dance the wow, I have issues."
 * How can you forget the "quacking profile", complete with the Nostalgia Critic mocking Bo Abobo's head-shot and flipping off with both fingers?

Howard The Duck
"Guy In Movie #1: Dat's a duck!
 * This Gem:

Guy In Movie #2: What is dat?

Guy In Movie #1: Dat's a duck, man!

Nostalgia Critic: (points to screen) Dat's a duck! (points to tie) Dat's a tie! (points to desk) Dat's a desk! (holds up copy of movie) Dat's a dupid, dupid movie!"

"Nostalgia Critic: What creepy pervert thought that up?! (image of George Lucas flashes)"
 * Hadouken!
 * "DuckTits...wooooo-ooo!"


 * "My god, he's transformed into Cobra Commander!"
 * "BRING IT, MOTHADUCKA!"

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
"I COME FREE WITH EVERY HAPPY MEAL! BEHOLD MY ACCESSORIES! THEY ARE ALL SOLD SEPARATELY! BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, MOTHERFUCKER! THIS IS NOT COVERED BY MY WARRANTY!"
 * Or when the Critic gets annoyed with any mention of Captain Kirk's KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!!! during his review of Mortal Kombat Annihilation.
 * Review of Mortal Kombat Annihilation: the part with Cyrax, the Lin-Kuei yellow combat robot- or, as Nostalgia Critic puts it "A lost G.I. Joe action figure."

": NOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOO!!"
 * "....Also, the Fuck Ball and Sindel's Wonder Woman twirl complete with theme song and his confusion of the Sub-Zero brothers. Don't forget the fight between Sonya (not Sonya) and Mileena (aka "You Wish.")
 * Pull the string! Pull the string!
 * "When visiting Six Flags, be sure to ride the Fuck Ball! Hours of uncomfortable, unpractical, and all around unenjoyable fun! It's like the Tunnel of Love - only it's a Fuck Ball! Must be at least this perverted to ride!"
 * "Khan is my brother."

"NC: So wait a minute, if you're not Sonya, you're not Raiden, and you're not Johnny Cage, then what does that make me?!"
 * The Critic's reaction to the cast changing:

"NC: YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M LIU-KANGRY!!!"
 * When Liu-Kang starts turning green with yellow, reptilian eyes


 * "Fuck you! Get your ass in there, Thor!"
 * "Mortal Kombaaat..."
 * The mud wrestling scene. Especially the expression on Rob's face.

Godzilla
"Patient: "Nice lighter. Nice frickin' lighter.""
 * "So yeah, apparently fire translates English into Japanese".

"Critic: Mr. Taconovahumpashirerinkydinkyhamstermasterpollywollywannabingbangsupercalifragilisticknickknack-paddywackygivethedogabananafannafofrescahickorydickoryhockitypockitywockitywackangelinafrancesca the Third.
 * The montage/mash-up of flying scenes.
 * "That's a lot of fish", as well as all the call backs to the line throughout the review.
 * Who could forget his mangled attempts at pronouncing "Nick Tatopoulos," Matthew Broderick's character's name, finally culminating in...

Matthew Broderick: It's "Tatopoulos."

Critic: Whatever."

"Truly, he is the son of GODzilla."
 * The Critic bailing out on a joke referring to Harry Shearer's character saying that the attack is 'the worst since the World Trade Center bombing'. This is the 1993 bombing that we're talking about.
 * "So this should be the end of the movie, right? Noo, because Godzilla actually resurrect himself back to life!"

"Use the anvil! *BAM* Use the ocean liner! *BA-A-AM* That's it! BRING IN THE SINK, BOYS!!!!*KABOOOM*"
 * The military is barraging the entangled Godzilla with all their firepower. Critic is eager to help.

Top 11 Disney Villains
"Critic: [About Cruella de Vil] This is even worse than the time she opened up that new line of baby seal head necklaces! I'm pretty sure I saw Kanye West wearing one of those, too. [cut to shot of Kanye West with a baby seal head necklace photoshopped on]"

Super Mario Bros. Super Show
"Critic: Well, at least they have the original video game music. At least they're not trying to modernize it with some retarded rap or something.
 * The intro plays up until right after the overworld music starts.''

Rap ensues.

Critic: You know, I've gotta learn to keep my fucking mouth shut."

"Mario: That was more fun that getting flushed down the sewer!
 * "GIMME A FACE, YA FUCKIN' BUNGHOLES!!"
 * Critic questioning the insanity of the show.

Beat

Critic: Okay, I don't wanna know what you do Friday nights."

"Mario: We don't have anything he wants!
 * Also:

Princess: Yes we do! A tanker full of spaghetti sauce!

Beat

Critic:: (breaks down) I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!! I'm so confused! Why does he want a tanker of spaghetti sauce?!? WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT A TANKER OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE?!? IT'S SPAGHETTI!!! IT'S NOT A VALUABLE RESOURCE!!!"


 * Critic noting that the King of Hyrule looks and sounds like he's always on drugs and then saying that the land must be called "Hyrule" because it's run by a "high" king.

Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials

 * The singing christmas tree.
 * CHRISTMAAAS! CHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

Jingle All The Way
"Jake Lloyd... hmm... now, where do I know that name?
 * At the beginning of the Jingle All the Way review, he mentions that the kid is played by Jake Lloyd.

* Scare Chord as a poster for Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace zooms in on Anakin's face *

Woaah-EEAAAGGGHHH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs off-screen, glass shatters*

* thump * My god, what a tall building!"


 * STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE, STAY AWAY FROM MY COOKIES, AND STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE'S COOKIES! OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! COOOOOOOOKIIIIIIEEEEEESSSS!!!
 * And then, there's the part where he puts on a pirate hat and goes nuts.