Metaphorgotten/Quotes

""Your father and I are just too different, we're like apples and oranges... oranges who went off and slept with their secretary and broke the apple's heart.""

""But remember, its always the darkest before the undead feast upon your flesh.""

- Dilbert

""The real saying is 'If the wind blows, the bucket maker has good sales.' Which means that sneezing is proof of you being cursed by someone. In order to get rid of that curse, you need to obtain a straw doll. Additionally, you need long nails, which in turn leads to a lot of business for nail makers, causing a supply shortage. As a result, construction of houses becomes almost impossible, and everybody has to live in pit-like dwellings. That in turn leads to less wood being used, and less forests being cut down. Because the forests are being protected, the CO2 levels are reduced, and everybody is happy because of an environmentally responsible lifestyle.""

- Yuuki from Kanamemo

""His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.""

- Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

""I'm not like some video game that you can just play with. You can't button mash and fiddle with my analog and not expect to get a reaction. A Special Move type of reaction, baby. A console is worthless without games to play on it. That's how I feel about us. I'm a game system and you're my Halo. And... my feelings for you are like... a memory card... And I no longer have any clue whatsoever what I'm talking about.""

- Ethan, Ctrl+Alt+Del

""Like they say in Brooklyn: early to bed, early to catch the worm. Or...is it the bagel?""

- Mama Luigi, Super Mario World4

""Spike, for his part, just says a bunch of really callous and hurtful stuff as if he’s not just trying to burn his bridges, but also sow the river with salt so that no bridge will ever grow there again, and I think that I lost track of this metaphor somewhere along the way, but you get the picture.""

- Jordan Stokes, Cowboy Bebop "Jupiter Jazz (Part 1)" recap, Overthinking It

"Bob: I dunno about this, George.. I don't know the first thing about what goes on in a television station.

George Don't worry, Bob! It's just like working in a fish market, except you don't have to clean or gut fish all day."

- UHF

""You seem bent on spending your last moments in this world with your thumbs jammed into the thumbscrews of guilt, and turning them as hard as you can...which is impossible, I realize...but that analogy had a lot more promise when I started this sentence, and it seemed likely to end with a witty bon mot about screwing yourself. That didn't work out, did it? Nothing has, today.""

- Prince Tramennis, Erfworld

""It usually comes to you in the night. Like a lover, or a burglar. You either get it, or it steals all your jewelry and you have to run it down and stab it in the heart. And...that metaphor got away from me, didn't it?""

- Isabella, Dragon Age II

""If we can hit the bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.""

- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

""Playing card games is just like making love. You usually do it on a table, and you always feel deep shame when it's finished. Also, the older you get, the less fun it is. So remember, always wear a condom when playing card games.""

- Grandpa, Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series

""Well...good! Good! Finally! A nemesis worthy of my vast intellect! Holmes vs. Moriarty! ...Aristotle vs. MASHY SPIKE-PLATE!"

- Wheatley, Portal 2

"THJ:"For you see, The Bible does hold metaphors to be a dreadful abomination. They are described in Leviticus 15:22 as a dark plague-cloud over the sky of justice. Metaphors are a burglar hiding in the shadows, a tiger crouching in the bush. They are a communicable disease, if you will, one that atrophies both mind and body irreversibly, and we must wash our hands clean of them before we are infected with their poisons.

LH:"I am so confused.""

- Waldfields Zine

"''Someday I'll meet someone

Whose heart joins with mine

Aortas and arteries all intertwined

They'll beat so much stronger

Than they could apart

Eight chambers of muscle to hustle

The love in our heart''"

- Bobby Strong, Urinetown

""To me, the difference between Godhead and the Church is the difference between Elvis and Colonel Parker... although that conjures images of God dying on the toilet, which is not what I meant at all.""

- Alan Moore

""It's curtains for you, Doctor Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.""

- Captain Hammer, Doctor Horribles Sing Along Blog

"Man, I'd like to take her out to dinner. And by take her out to dinner I mean dunk the donut. And by dunk the donut I mean have sex with her. And by have sex with her I mean use my penis on her. And by penis I mean staple remover. And by staple I mean virginity."

- 'Cyanide and Happiness, 7/5/08