Mob Ties



""There is nothing... NOTHING... more important than lesbians.""

- Sidney Burns, dispensing some true wisdom.

""QUESTION NOT THE PUPPETS!!!""

Mob Ties is a webcomic by Author Ninja that chronicles the life of Sidney Burns, an American English teacher in Japan, who accidentally becomes engaged to the daughter of a powerful yakuza boss. Takes place in the Japan seen in Shonen anime. Hilarity Ensues as Sid has to handle jealous suitors for the daughter (and for himself!), as well as overprotective brothers and evil yakuza clans, and still have the test papers graded on time. Expect bizarre enemies, epic battles, heavy drinking, and some extremely heartwarming moments.

Mob ties is currently on Extended Hiatus with no definite end date.

"Coach Nariko: "It's... it's just like... like a bad manga plot.""
 * Abusive Parents:
 * Action Santa:
 * Accidental Marriage: Mika and Sidney's marriage made more complicated the fact it's also an...
 * Arranged Marriage: Mika wasn't happy at her fathers choice of groom.
 * Animal Motifs: Sid is equated with a bear, Mika a sugar glider, and then there's the extended clan/animal pairings...
 * Possibly subverted with Jimbo. His tusks aren't because he's from the Boar Clan, but because he has tengu blood.
 * Animeland.
 * Affectionate Parody: It helps to understand the comic better if you remember that the author is intentionally parodying shonen anime in just about every facet of his comic.
 * Art Evolution: Comparing chapter 1 to the most recent chapter very rapidly demonstrates just how much the author's art has changed.
 * Attractive Bent Gender: Taro/Tara.
 * Viciously subverted with Hank the bartender... although Weasel's dad doesn't seem to think so.
 * Backstory: Everybody has one, and some are darker than others.
 * Badass Boast:  Sid:
 * Sid (again): "For Mika, I will KILL A GOD."
 * Badass Normal: In a World filled with cyborg scientists, werecats, dragons, and even more bizarre things, Sidney Burns only needs his fists and a bottle of scotch.
 * Badass Teacher: Sidney Burns
 * Bi the Way: Ace Diamonds
 * Beware the Nice Ones: Sid is usually the nicest guy you could ever know, but get him mad or  and he will educate you the way only a teacher can.
 * Big Bad:
 * Bishonen
 * Boisterous Bruiser: Sidney Burns
 * Breath Weapon: Sidney Burns can breathe fire. No, really.
 * Brother-Sister Incest: Ryujin. Thankfully he got better.
 * Butt Monkey / Chew Toy: Thy name is Ryujin. He gets better later.
 * Care Bear Stare:  has one so powerful that it can obliterate all hate in it's presence.
 * This quickly goes Up to Eleven, when a demon refuses payment for helping to rescue her, `cause she's just that adorable.
 * Cold-Blooded Torture:
 * Combat by Champion: Pretty much the point of the
 * Cool Old Guy: Papa-san
 * Crazy Enough to Work:
 * Cross-Popping Veins: Played with: Jimbo's permanent case--implied to stem from his crippling auto accident--turned out to be an actual piece of the steering wheel embedded in his forehead.
 * Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Sidney Burns, big time.
 * Curb Stomp Battle: Issue 10, in a rare twenty against one example.  Oh, and let's not forget   That one lasted 6.4 horrible, horrible seconds.
 * A very LITERAL curb stomping was handed out here.
 * Darkskinned Blonde: Kyoko
 * Dead Little Sister: Several.
 * Defeat Means Friendship: Sidney Burns may very well be the biological father of Nanoha.
 * Delinquents: Jimbo and his two underlings before Sid beats Jimbo up, as well as Mo, Curry, and Rarry.
 * Doctor Jekyll and Mister Jack Daniels: Inverted. It is suggested that Sidney should be kept somewhat sloshed
 * Does Not Like Men: Mika's early androphobia.
 * Don't Make Me Take My Belt Off:
 * Don't Fear the Reaper: He may be a scary, dessicated rabbit, but he's no murderer. Conversely, the shinigami Rancid is a complete asshole who has no issues with dragging a soul to its final resting place against its will - but he's completely incompetent.
 * Drama Bomb: Issue 2, where  The first instant of serious drama in the comic. Until that point, things had been comedy with only a little bit of drama.
 * Drunk Duck
 * Drunken Master: Sidney Burns
 * Dumb Blonde: Kyoko
 * Dumb Is Good: Kyoko
 * Embarrassing Tattoo:
 * Even Evil Has Standards:
 * In a more recent example,
 * Evil Is Stylish:  is always shown wearing fur robes and a rather pimpin' fez.
 * Everything's Better with Monkeys: An entire clan of time traveling monkeys, no less.
 * Everything's Worse with Bears; Sid's Battle Aura shows him as one.
 * Faceless Goons: The "Alphabet Goons" of the Black Sheep Clan are comprised of goons with stitches in the shape of letters from the English alphabet instead of faces.
 * Fan Nickname: Ace Diamond, due to events that occurred shortly after his initial appearance, has been blessed with the nickname "Brown Trouser Snake". Sidney Burns is mostly just called Sid.
 * Fat Idiot: Sidney Burns often gives this impression, up until you actually start paying attention to what he's trying to tell you.
 * Gadgeteer Genius: Weasel
 * Genki Girl: Kyoko
 * Good Old Fisticuffs: Martial arts? Sidney Burns has no need of them, when his fists are bigger than the average man's head.
 * Sid: Plan? PLAN?!? THE ONLY PLAN I NEED IS MY TWO FISTS!
 * Goth/ Perky Goth: Mika on occasions.
 * Handicapped Badass: Jimbo
 * Heroic Sacrifice:
 * Hot Shonen Mom:
 * Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Given that Sidney Burns is significantly taller than Mika, and is incredibly stout, he likely has, at a minimum, ten times Mika's mass.
 * Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Sidney, but more heart of gold than jerk.
 * Journey to the Center of the Mind: Sid's brain is a whole lot more complicated that some people would think. And more than a little disturbing in places.
 * Katanas Are Just Better: Brutally subverted, given that Sidney Burns apparently has a "sword ball" made up of katanas that other people have tried to use on him. According to Sid, the cheap katanas used by a group of yakuza bodyguards "wouldn't even stop a Jehovah's Witness back home".
 * Lampshade Hanging: Starts in Issue 1, and never really stops.
 * Journey to the Center of the Mind: Sid's brain is a whole lot more complicated that some people would think. And more than a little disturbing in places.
 * Katanas Are Just Better: Brutally subverted, given that Sidney Burns apparently has a "sword ball" made up of katanas that other people have tried to use on him. According to Sid, the cheap katanas used by a group of yakuza bodyguards "wouldn't even stop a Jehovah's Witness back home".
 * Lampshade Hanging: Starts in Issue 1, and never really stops.

"Sidney "Nobody expects an idiot to be anything more than an idiot.""
 * Let's Get Dangerous: Up until Chapter 10, Sidney Burns just seemed like a large goofball, often using the most bizarre methods to solve problems (which include, but are not limited to wedgies, farting, and puppets). Sure, he can take a punch, but he almost never used serious violence to solve a problem. It isn't until  that we see what Sid does when someone seriously threatens him or the people he cares for. A can is opened. It's contents? 100% all natural fresh squeezed whoopass.
 * Lightning Bruiser: Sid looks like a ball of fat wedged into a tacky suit; he's almost all muscle, and frighteningly quick.
 * Mister Exposition: Papa-san even carries a photo album around with him because he never knows when he'll need to dish out some exposition.
 * My Sister Is Off-Limits: Ryujin tells Sid in the first chapter that if he marries Mika when she turns 16 (the legal age of consent for females in Japan), he'll kill Sid. This puts Sid in a bind, since if he doesn't marry Mika when she turns 16, Papa-san will kill him.
 * actually 13 is the legal age of consent in japan.
 * Nerds Are Sexy: Weasel, and Mookie.
 * Nice Hat: Mika's grave visiting hat. Words cannot describe the wonder. http://www.drunkduck.com/Mob_Ties/index.php?p=657021
 * Night of the Living Mooks: Big Bad  has the power to raise the dead to fight as his minions.
 * Obfuscating Stupidity: Sidney Burns


 * Our Dragons Are Different
 * Our Elves Are Different: And some are Stripperiffic!
 * Our Werewolves Are Different: Make that werecats, but yeah, same idea.
 * Punch-Punch-Punch Uh-Oh
 * Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: Sidney Burns quickly gathers some together.
 * Rape as Backstory: But that isn't anywhere near all of the story.
 * Refuge in Audacity: Sidney Burns lives for this. There isn't anything too crazy for him to do.
 * Best example:
 * Reincarnation: You'd be surprised how many people are the reincarnations of people from the past.
 * Rule of Cool: Time-traveling yakuza monkeys. 'Nuff said.
 * Rule of Funny: Half the stuff Sidney Burns does fits into this, while the other half is Rule of Cool.
 * Running Gag: Sid's seemingly endless collection of expository ties
 * Also: "Question not the puppets!"
 * Scars Are Forever: Well, unless you have major reconstructive surgery.
 * Screw the Rules, I Have Money: Mika occasionally.
 * Sealed Inside a Person Shaped Can:
 * Shout-Out: Oh so many, it's hard to know where to start. Among others, there's Scooby Doo, He Man and The Masters of The Universe, The Blair Witch Project, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Calvin and Hobbes, and many, many more.
 * Sky Pirate: A story arc revolving around them.
 * Spank the Cutie:
 * The Stoic: Jimbo usually communicates with expressive grunts, though he does talk sometimes.
 * Stout Strength: Sidney Burns. Don't believe it? Wait until he flexes his muscles.
 * Super-Powered Evil Side:
 * Team Dad: Sidney Burns, especially in
 * Team Mom: Mika
 * The Atoner:
 * Took a Level In Badass:
 * The Big Guy: Sidney Burns, although sometimes the other characters forget just HOW big.
 * The Quiet One: Jimbo.
 * The Mole:.
 * They Fight Crime: Shepard and the Crook.
 * Title Drop: as part of the Running Gag Combined with Incredibly Lame Pun. When Sidney first learns his fiancée's father is a mob boss (so he now has ties to the mob), he goes out and buys a bunch of ties with "mob" on them. And after Papa-san hands over the reins to the family Sidney summons his students/minions and announces "Put on your mob ties, boys, we're taking over."
 * Transparent Closet:
 * Troperiffic: Mob Ties in general, but special attention goes to Sidney Burns, who is an Irish drunkard big guy boisterous bruiser who uses obfuscating stupidity, good old fashioned fisticuffs, is a crouching moron, hidden badass, and has a breath weapon.
 * True Companions: Sidney Burns has a gift for turning even potential enemies into these.
 * Tsundere: Mika and Coach Nariko.
 * Unwanted Harem: Mika started out with one, though with  and , it's pretty much gone by now. Sid on the other hand still has to deal with his Tsundere androphobic Broken Bird underage   wife Mika,  ,  , and most recently  . Death hasn't diminished   crush on Sid either. Given that  , this doesn't bode well for Sid.
 * Unsound Effect - Author Ninja loves these far too many examples to list.
 * Wake Up, Go to School, Save the World: In a rare example, both the teacher and his students do this.
 * Webcomic Time
 * Weirdness Magnet: The city of Tokyo.
 * When All You Have Is a Hammer: "Like I tell you every day, Weez, you name one thing punching can't solve and I'll stop it."
 * World of Cardboard Speech/ Does Not Know His Own Strength : "Damn cheap Japanese paper walls!"
 * Wham! Episode: There are many. The best example might be Issue 7, appropriately named Revelations, where it is revealed that  The revelation that   made earlier in the chapter pales in comparison.
 * The first wham of many to come, after Issue 14, there is a minimum of one wham every chapter. Part of this comes from the fact that in Issue 14  From then on, you can expect something unexpected to occur at least once every chapter that will leave your jaw hanging.
 * Wholesome Crossdresser/ Villainous Crossdresser: Taro at different times.
 * Word of God: If Author Ninja says it, then it is true.
 * Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him: One character has only suggested this, but another
 * Yakuza
 * You Never Asked: Countered:  Sid: "What the hell? You never told us  " Weasel: "You never told us you were  " Sid: "Touche."
 * You Should Have Died Instead:  apparently felt this way about.
 * You Never Asked: Countered:  Sid: "What the hell? You never told us  " Weasel: "You never told us you were  " Sid: "Touche."
 * You Should Have Died Instead:  apparently felt this way about.