The Muppet Show/Quotes

""With a few exceptions, the characters on this program are weird and peculiar and not to be trusted.""

- Sam the Eagle

""Why, did you know that underneath their clothing, the entire population of the world is walking around completely naked? Hrmm? Isn't that disgusting?""

- Sam the Eagle

"Statler: "Hey Berle! You know what? I've just figured out your style. You work like Gregory Peck."

Berle: "Wha - Gregory Peck's not a comedian!"

Statler: "Well..."

Berle: "Now just a minute, please. I've been a successful comedian for half my life!"

Waldorf: "How come we got this half?"

Berle: "Look, did you come in here to be entertained or not?"

Statler: "That's right."

Berle: "What?"

Waldorf: "We came in here to be entertained, and we're not.""

- Milton Berle takes the usual abuse from Statler and Waldorf

"Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?

Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet... but man (laughs). So to answer your question, I don't know."

- Homer Simpson attempts to describe the Muppets in The Simpsons episode "A Fish Called Selma"

"Statler: "The question is; what is a Mahna Mahna?

Waldorf: "The question is; who cares?""

- Statler and Waldorf's very first snarky comment ever on the show.

"Big Bird: "Oh, hi! I'm Big Bird!"

Miss Piggy: [looking him up and down] "No kidding."

Big Bird: "I'm a friend of Kermit's. We both come from the same neighborhood, Sesame Street."

Miss Piggy: "Ah! Isn't that the cute little children's show with puppets?""

- Miss Piggy and Big Bird meet for the first time when the latter makes a guest appearance on the show.

"Beauregard: "I sent Beaker to get the power saw."

Kermit the Frog: "Is that wise?"

Beauregard: "Oh sure, he's okay."

Kermit the Frog: "He's dumber than you are."

Beauregard: "He is not!""

- Kermit and Beauregard the janitor having an intellectual conversation.

""When Animal gets something he either hits it or eats it. No third alternative.""

- Dr. Teeth