Gag Nose/Quotes

"CYRANO: Ah no! young blade! That was a trifle short!

You might have said at least a hundred things

By varying the tone ... like this, suppose, ...

Aggressive: "Sir, if I had such a nose

I'd amputate it!" Friendly: When you sup

It must annoy you, dipping in your cup;

You need a drinking-bowl of special shape!"

Descriptive: " 'Tis a rock! ... a peak! ... a cape!

--A cape, forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular! "

Curious: "How serves that oblong capsular?

For scissor-sheath? Or pot to hold your ink?"

Gracious: "You love the little birds, I think?

I see you've managed with a fond research

To find their tiny claws a roomy perch!"

Truculent: "When you smoke your pipe ... suppose

That the tobacco-smoke spouts from your nose--

Do not the neighbors, as the fumes rise higher,

Cry terror-struck: "The chimney is afire"?"

Considerate: "Take care, ... your head bowed low

By such a weight ... lest head o'er heels you go!"

Tender: "Pray get a small umbrella made,

Lest its bright color in the sun should fade!"

Pedantic: "That beast Aristophanes

Names Anticonceptionnelles

Must have possessed just such a solid lump

Of flesh and bone, beneath his forehead's bump!"

Cavalier: "The last fashion, friend, that hook?

To hang your hat on? 'Tis a useful crook!"

Emphatic: "No wind, O majestic nose,

Can give THEE cold!--save when the mistral blows!"

Dramatic: "When it bleeds, what a Red Sea!"

Admiring: "Sign for a perfumery!"

Lyric: "Is this a conch? ... a Triton you?"

Simple: "When is the monument on view?"

Rustic: "That thing a nose? Marry-come-up!

'Tis a dwarf pumpkin, or a prize turnip!"

Military: "Point against cavalry!"

Practical: "Put it in a lottery!

Assuredly 'twould be the biggest prize!"

Or ... parodying Pyramus' sighs ...

"Behold the nose that mars the harmony

Of its master's phiz! blushing its treachery!"

--Such, my dear sir, is what you might have said,

Had you of wit or letters the least jot:

But, O most lamentable man!--of wit

You never had an atom, and of letters

You have three letters only!--they spell Ass!

And--had you had the necessary wit,

To serve me all the pleasantries I quote

Before this noble audience ... e'en so,

You would not have been let to utter one--

Nay, not the half or quarter of such jest!

I take them from myself all in good part,

But not from any other man that breathes!"

- Cyrano de Bergerac

"All right, twenty something betters. I start with the obvious:

Excuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?

Meteorological: Everybody take cover, she will blow!

Fashionable: You could de-emphasise your nose if you wore something larger... like Wyoming.

Personal: Well, here we are... Just the three of us.

Punctual: Okay, your nose was on time, but you were 10 minutes late.

Envious: Oh, I wish I were you... to be able to smell your own ear!

Naughty: Some of the ladies have asked if you would put that thing away.

Philosophical: It is not the size of a nose that is important... it is what is in it that matters.

Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you... sneeze and it is goodbye,Seattle.

Commercial: Hi, I am Earl Scheib and I can paint that nose for $100!

Polite: Would you mind not bobbing your head? The orchestra keeps changing the tempo.

Melodic: Everybody. He has got the whole world in his nose.

Sympathetic: What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?

Complimentary: You must love the birdies... to give them this to perch on.

Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?

Obscure: Whoa, I would hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it.

Inquiry: When you stop and smell the flowers... are they afraid?

French: The pigs have refused to find any more truffles... until you leave.

Pornographic: Finally a man who can satisfy two women at once. How many is that?

- Fourteen, Chief.

All right, religious:The Lord giveth ...and He just kept on giving, did he not? Fifteen.

Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? Sixteen.

Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine! Seventeen.

Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee...in Brazil. Eighteen.

Appreciative: Oh, how original.Most people just have their teeth capped.Nineteen.

All right... [...] Dirty: Your name would not be Dick, would it?"

- The same scene in Roxanne