Dwarf Fortress/Quotes

Due to the fact that Dwarf Fortress is, by default, insane in many aspects, it is no surprise that there exists a wealth of memorable quotes to be found about it on the Internet, or perhaps elsewhere. Here are some of them.

Toady and Devblogs
"We don't want another cheap fantasy universe, we want a cheap fantasy universe generator."

- --"Adventure Mode Gripes"

"The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that)."

- --Devblog: May 30, 2008

"there are still some kinks to work out with the in-game transformation. For instance, I misplaced a few lines of code and all of the castle guards ended up switching genders and getting entirely new appearances ten times per step."

- --Devblog: May 28, 2011

"In bug news, the zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age and he fled into the hills."

- --Devblog: June 5, 2011

"My adventurer fought through around sixty zombies in the tower, killed the necromancer, learned the secrets of life and death, and then raised various limbs (not my own). Then I talked to one of them, and it told me that it was peasant. It was flattered but had no need of my services. I imagine its little fingers were shaped into the form of a mouth and they flapped back and forth while it spoke with a high-pitched voice. I guess there's still work to do."

- --Devblog: August 17, 2011

"Well, I would have gotten to the trading interface, but a bridge opened a hole to the underworld instead. Again. "

- --Devblog: December 7, 2011

"Of course, you might prefer raining "blood", but we don't have generic blood anymore and I don't think it's proper to add it now that we've got real alternatives, though perhaps a slurry of some kind would be appropriate later. It didn't even work out right with the rodent man blood -- the indexing was screwed up, and we ended up with "a dusting of rodent man skin"... dandruff snow."

- --Devblog: January 3, 2012

Bay 12 Forums
"Aravin: Thx Toady DF isn't 3D game))

Deon: Actually it is, with a full Direct X support."

- --"Removing clothing wear"

"Aklyon: Personally, I like [DF] because after climbing the damned learning cliff, I'm too elitist to consider not liking it."

- --"What makes Dwarf Fortress so awesome?"

"Aklyon: Dwarf Fortress: You have a team of hundreds working for four years to make a game where you save the world again. We have one guy for four years make a near-infinite world generator, write the physics,generate histories, form detailed descriptions of every human, elf, dwarf, and goblin generated, caverns, and huge randomly generated monsters made out of who knows what. You. guys. suck."

- --"This game needs a tag line"

"Karnewarrior: Your game is working on giving NPC's lives. Our game is working on giving them a working nervous system"

- --"This game needs a tag line"

"SpiralDimentia: Oh god, you guys are dicks, I think I just ."

- --"You have found..."

"GreatWyrmGold: ...And no one notices that a desert titan is made out of ice. No, ice capybara in the desert? Normal. Someone kinda figured out the military? Amazing!"

- --"Yay! Finally got the hang of the new military system"

"Franti: If DF is too much for you, go back to playing My Little Pony or Warhammer 40000."

- --"You are all monsters."

"Raphite1: Yeah. My plan was to drop some kittens into the siege, and have my dwarves freefall into battle, landing on top of the kittens. The plan was kinda dumb though because the kittens were standing on grates, and the goblins killed them with arrows just as I was releasing the freefalling dwarves. So the dwarves weren't able to land on kittens and just fell and died."

- --"Dwarven Drop Pods"

"Akhier: Quite simple really. Trees are actually the first stage in an elf's life cycle. Once the young elf inside the tree gets old enough if there are enough elves around it will hatch leaving behind perfectly serviceable logs to use. So remember when you chop down a tree you kill an elf too! Happy deforestation day ;D

Grendus: And thus the dwarves discovered that their forges were indeed elf powered. And there was much rejoicing."

- --"'It is now a rude bauble, fit only for your kind' >_<"

"MasterMorality: You get hit where you get hit. This may or may not cripple you for life. It may or may not kill you in one shot. You're dwarf just lost a leg. Suck it up, bitch. No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn."

- --"Why Dwarf Fortress is better"

"drakon136: I've got a siege coming in from above, from below, some forgotten beasts in the middle, lava flooding in between the forgotten beasts and the, and half my population going berserk. All in all, a normal day in Dwarf Fortress."

- --Unknown

"Mrhappyface: I once tried to make a mild sedative syndrome that's spread by cats. However, I forgot a few zeroes when setting the ignition point. So instead of my dwarves yawning, and then taking a peaceful nap, they scream and run around as their body roasts from the inside out."

- --"Face Palm moments you had"

"Reasonableman: The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?

Pilsu: You misspelled 'hilarious'"

- --"Chasing the elusive Mermaid"

"PsychicKid: here's 7 inebriated borderline psychotic bastards, go dig out a living space for 200 more of them that will be coming soon btw there's also a terrible tentacle monster-panda made out of barf to deal with have fun"

- --What new feature would stop you updating the game?

Let's Play
"StarkRavingMad: I've started project 'Fuck The World,' a top secret attempt to funnel magma to the outside. I'll kill those elephants. I'll kill all those fucking elephants."

- --Boatmurdered

"Seth Creiyd: My god... this was a terrible idea."

- --Battlefailed

TV Tropes Forums (link)
"Tuefel Hunden IV: I found out there are apparently a limited number of night creatures. So I am guessing if you manage to kill all the night creatures you won't fear the night, the night will fear you."

- --"Dwarf Fortress"

"Hydrall: DF's got a big learning curve, no, learning cliff, no, a MASSIVE, SHEER EXPANSE OF STONE RISING UP INTO THE HEAVENS, COVERED IN !!*Adamantine Barbed Wire*!! AND LAVA DROPS, ALL WHILE ARMOK STANDS ATOP AND LAUGHS AT YOUR PITIFUL ATTEMPT TO SURVIIIIIIIVE."

- --Adapted from "Dwarf Fortress"

"Blueeyedrat: I will have to deal with a troll and a giant cave swallow in the vicinity first, but my blade traps should make short work of them. What's your airspeed velocity now, bitch?"

- --"Dwarf Fortress"

"fishsicles: I think [Toady] fixed ] spreading to undead, but right when 2012 came out I remember my necromancer adventurer was torn apart by his zombie limb army turning into were gorillas."

- --"Dwarf Fortress"

"Edwards Grizzly: We seem to be incredibly lucky in that this evil biome's mists cause instant death, rather than turn-into-a-shambling-husk-and-murder-everyone-who-ever-loved-you.

fishsicles: Not technically instant, for big enough creatures; those water buffalo sat around oozing blood for a few days before they kicked it. But for a dwarf, probably instant yeah.

Count Dorku: ...this is how we define luck nowadays?! I'm terrified in many languages."

- --Dwarf Fortress Troper Succession Game (New Edition)

Other
"GeneralissimoFranco: I had a game where a kitten killed a cyclops, but beyond that my experience mirrors yours."

- --Reddit, "One of my fortresses finally had enough effect on the world to cause a change to the Golden Age."

"UltimateCarl: This is the point where I'd normally call bullshit, but having (un)successfully ground no less than ten forts into destruction and abandoning three more to boredom after guaranteeing success I 100% believe that this happened in your game."

- --Ibid. (In reaction to above quote)

"The bad news: Dwarf Fortress is the first AI to achieve complete sentience. The good news: Urist McH.A.L. Cancels Destroy Mankind: Needs 250,000 Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks."

- --A random Facebook commenter

"Thanks to the central chamber being floodable, in the case of a siege, all I have to do is lure the gobbos in and throw the lever. Then, my dwarves can keep going about their business, while the goblins are busy sorting themselves by density."

- --Unknown

"most games basic﻿ tutorial: 2mins

Dwarf fortress basic tutorial: 2 hours

F*ck yeah dwarf fort!"

- --A top commenter, captnduck's "DFVIDTUTS2011 Basics"