Mock the Week/Funny

"The crowd is still laughing at Hugh's joke. Andy walks up to the mike, looks back and forth a couple times, shrugs *buzz* and walks off."
 * This clip by Frankie, probably one of his most offensive jokes EVER.
 * "Infuriate the yak!"
 * From the second DVD, the panelists are asked not to make jokes about David Blunkett's blindness. So what do they do? ...Yeah.
 * Series 9 episode 5, where Dara introduces a story about how research has shown that people with large heads may be less affected by Alzheimer's disease. Specifically, an article he showed the panel that had referred to him as an example of someone with a 'giant head', even including a picture of his head with the caption 'EXTRA LARGE'. The panel proceeds to spend five minutes mocking Dara's big head non-stop. Link here. Poor Genre Blind Dara.
 * The outtakes show the panel mocking him further with such lines as "Oh, Dara, is it you, or an eclipse?" Until finally Russell shouts out "FUCK, YOUR HEAD'S BIG!"
 * "WELCOME TO MY DALEK POETRY READING! THIS POEM IS CALLED DAFFODILS! EXTERMINATE DAFFODILS!'' Made even funnier by Dara's frantic buzzing between each line, as if Frankie's going to stop when he's on a roll.
 * "The siamese twins were joined at the most embarassing place imaginable, and known by friends as the skipping rope."
 * You mention that joke and not Andy's reaction? That was what took the funny over the top.

"Dara: One of the worrying things I've noticed is Frankie, who appears to be the king of the Daleks!
 * Any time Milton Jones gets a turn at Spinning the News.
 * Special mention to that time he was working at a Christian Rock Concert...
 * In the first Christmas special, one of the viewers (an eleven year old boy) sends in a picture of what the Mock The Week studio would look like if it was under attack by Daleks.

(Audience Laughs)

Frankie: I'm not the king of the Daleks, I'm their creator, Dara."

"Frankie Boyle: "You've each been selected for this mission because you're unknown to the enemy and you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation Mind-Fuck!""
 * "...And who are the truly civilized ones? The Umbupi tribe, or us, with our books, our medicine and our internet? Oh yes, it's us."
 * The opening sequence, which proudly proclaims in a blink-and-miss-it way that "The programme makers accept no liability for anything whatsoever, at all, ever", amongst other gems.
 * The whole discussion about Frankie Boyle's apocalyptic future visions, with the cities on legs.
 * The first-episode exchange about the dangerousness of owls, culminating in John Oliver predicting (inaccurately) "I think we all know, hand on heart, that this is not making the edit."
 * And many others far, far worse.
 * The DVDs have extra helpings of this. Of particular note are the "Porno Songs of Praise" discussion from the first DVD and the "Blunkett" section from the second.
 * The Frankie joke in the category "Things You Wouldn't Hear In A War Film":

- Frankie Boyle: "There is a vegetarian option, you can fuck off!"

"Andy Parsons: "And the winner of the Suicide Bomber Of The Year Award... I'm afraid they couldn't be with us tonight...""
 * Russell Howard's method of stealing a chicken from a supermarket, which involved putting it on his head and simply walking off in the confusion. The reactions from the other hosts were priceless.
 * Andy Parsons, in the category "Unlikely Things To Hear At An Awards Ceremony":

"Frankie: "Is it Allistair Darling's Robotic Inuit Butler?""
 * The 'what year will all the world's major cities will rise up on hydraulic legs and wage war for resources?' discussion.
 * "FIND A WOMAN! LEAVE THE PASTRIES ALONE!"
 * Ed Byrne: "Am I invisible in this fucking jacket?" And the entire rest of that scene.
 * Special mention to when he finally steals the mic away from Hugh (after manhandling him), makes a big show of running off with it, carries it back and then says "It's not going to be worth it is it?". Dara agrees and presses the buzzer.
 * Here's a clip.
 * Frankie Boyle, incarnation of this trope's answer to the acronym round ADRIB?

"Frankie: Is it "Bathtime Arse Disaster"?
 * ICE FISHING.
 * Also his response to BTAD, with a photo featuring fleeing men in haz-mat suits:

Dara: Yes, the answer was in fact, "Bathtime Arse Disaster"."

"Samson: Oh Lord, why have you supplied me with all of the strength within my hair?
 * [Talking about Linda Blair from The Exorcist] "Her head's spinning round, she's vomiting everywhere, she's seemingly possessed by the devil, and yet Social Services have been around twenty times, and say that there's nothing wrong!"
 * The entire Blunkett discussion from the second DVD.
 * This from "unlikely lines to read in the bible."

God: Because you're worth it."

"Patrick Kielty: The truth."
 * "We have three priorities: education, education and free handjobs for the blind!"
 * Series 8. Scenes We'd Like To See. Topic was "Things You'd Never Hear On A TV Election Debate".

"Dara: The poor computer who picked these things randomly! There's some computer who's going "Computer didn't want to make people sad! Computer picked tickets randomly! Computer like all sports! Computer sorry he made people unhappy! No, computer not like diving! Diving bad for computer! Diving make computer not work! Why computer talk like Hulk?""
 * "Bucket and mop to aisle three please, bucket and mop to aisle three. Someone's come on the broccoli."
 * Seann Walsh's SPOT-ON impression of Michael McIntyre.
 * Dara pondering what the computer who randomly selected the 2012 Olympic tickets would sound like:

"Hugh Dennis: Amy is 16. At least she said she was. How much trouble are you in?
 * Whenever the topic in "Scenes We'd Like To See" involves rejected exam questions, you know there's got to be at least one good question. Examples:

Ed Byrne: Biology. Without singing, what is the knee bone connected to?

Frankie Boyle: Tick the box A, B, or C to recieve the grade A, B, or C.

Russell Howard: Wayne lives 3 miles away from Kaylie and Martin lives 6 miles away from Wayne. Who got her pregnant?

Ed Byrne: Chemistry. What's that smell?

Frankie Boyle: There are six lines of equal length. How long will Kerry Katona be in the bathroom?

Andy Parsons: Your mum's a slag. Discuss.

Hugh Dennis: Two cars are speeding. One is being driven by a black man. Which car will be stopped?

Andy Parsons: English. Is standards declining?

Frankie Boyle: If I add 1/8 to 1/16, how stoned will I be?

Holly Walsh: What is amnesia? Is it: A. Memory loss, A. Memory loss or 4. the Battle of Hastings?

Milton Jones: Quantify n in terms of q when q is a positive integer that dissects a parabolic curve-- how's your lucky pencil case now, eh, eh, eh?!

Russell Howard: With illustrations, describe the prophet Muhammad.

Holly Walsh: What is amnesia? Is it: A. Memory loss...

Andy Parsons: A lot of people have complained that these exams are too easy. Is the answer A. Yes or B. David Beckham?

Frankie Boyle: Spell "Mississippi" without looking at how we've spelt it in the question.

Russell Howard: What is the name of the force that pulls objects towards the centre of the Earth? Is it a) gravity or b) magic?

Micky Flanagan: What is the name of that round thing they throw at the Olympics? Discuss."

"Hugh Dennis: I'm delighted to say that during the summer holidays, Mr. Wang married Ms. Cur."
 * Andy Parsons adds another: "If Sally buys three oranges and two apples, how far south of Scotland is she?" Frankie immediately walks to the microphone and stares at him for a good five seconds before finally cracking a smile. He then follows up with: "Discuss the idea that Willy Wonka was a pedophile."
 * David Mitchell: "Vladimir has 20,000 tanks; you have three. Why would you start a war? Discuss."
 * Hugh Dennis' voice-overs in "Newsreel". Just about all of them. "The Machine" is probably the crowning example, due to his Diabolical Mastermind imitation of Lord Mandelson's voice.
 * Another was when he redubbed a world summit to make it like a pub quiz.
 * Russell Howard's fucking hilarious and extremely accurate summary of Britain's newspapers.
 * Milton Jones: (singing) There is a house in New Orleans- blublublublublublublublub...
 * In Series 10 Episode 8, one of the categories in Scenes We'd Like To See is "commercials that never made it to air". Eventually it starts a brief Running Gag on "Cash for Gold" agencies, starting with Cash for Cash ("Send us your money in an envelope, and we'll send it back minus commission.") by Miles Jupp, then Andy Parsons takes over with Ash for Cash ("Put your cremated relatives in an envelope...") and Smash for Cash ("Put your mashed potato in an envelope...").
 * This in a Series 10 Scenes We'd Like To See ("Things You Wouldn't Hear At A School Assembly"):

"Hugh Dennis: His nickname will remain the same."
 * This causes wild laughter from the audience, then after it dies down, he adds this:

""Welcome to 'Watchdog'. Here's a dog.""
 * Stewart Francis' skit on Family in Spinning the News.
 * "Roses are red. Poppies are red. The grass is all red - shit! The garden's on fire!" from the Unlikely Things To Read In A Valentine's Card skit
 * When Andy Parsons takes a show title literally during Scenes We'd Like To See, such as this example:

"Frankie: I've had a few medical problems this year: I'm now so old, that my pussy is haunted."
 * What the Queen Didn't Say In Her Christmas Message.

"Hugh: The railway children gesticulated wildly at the driver. "You've left us behind, you wanker!""
 * Significantly funnier when repeated deadpan by a presenter on Newsnight in a piece about declining standards at the BBC.
 * Unlikely Lines from Children's Books

""Ooh, this music's so funky it makes me want to obey the law!""
 * "And as Eeyore put the noose around his neck ..."
 * "A stringfellow? What's a stringfellow? // A stringfellow? Why, didn't you know? // It has tanned, leather skin and a massive libido // Bad 80s hair and a grin like a pedo!"
 * "And as Emily learned; if she'd been a nicer little girl, Mum and Dad would've never gotten divorced."
 * Ed Byrne's rant about the DVD piracy warning.

"Frankie: (as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) "The American president is the son of a swine! I hope that one day, his body is identified by the teethmarks on my penis!"
 * Several of the Between the Lines segments with Frankie and Hugh. Notable mentions to the Replacement Scrappy example, David Beckham (Hugh staring blankly at the camera) and Prince Charles. This one personally takes the cake:

Audience explodes into laughter. Hugh stares at the ground while Frankie presses his lips together to suppress his own laughter. Eventually -

Hugh: "I don't like George Bush.""


 * During the fifth episode of series three when during If the Answer is... the quality control on Dara’s earpiece are apparently worn down to begging the panel to change the topic
 * Unlikely Things to Get in Your Mail Slot: Andy Parsons makes a joke as follows: "Need a dog-walking service? Call Ace Kebabs, 318-318!" This is swiftly followed with "Need an undertaker?" and, for Rule of Three, "The Taj Mahal Indian Restaurant... formerly..."
 * The entire discussion about Adam Werritty (starts about three minutes in).
 * Things you wouldn't want to hear at work: "Get off, you're shit." Bonus points for just how fitting it is.
 * Greg Davies: "I'm Tom and this is Dave my dancing Guinea Pig. PLAY MUSIC!" (About 12 minutes in.)
 * Gordon Brown Tickles Chickens.