Literal Minded/Quotes

"Now then, this particular Assyrian, the one whose cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold,

Just what does the poet mean when he says he came down like a wolf on the fold?

In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of in our philosophy there are great many things.

But I don't imagine that among them there is a wolf with purple and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings.

No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe that this Assyrian was actually like a wolf I must have some kind of proof;

Did he run on all fours and did he have a hairy tail and a big red mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof Woof?

Frankly I think it is very unlikely, and all you were entitled to say, at the very most,

Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down like a lot of Assyrian cohorts about to destroy the Hebrew host."

- Ogden Nash, "Very Like A Whale"

"In your otherwise beautiful poem, one verse reads,

Every moment dies a man,

Every moment one is born.

If this were true, the population of the world would be at a standstill. In truth, the rate of birth is slightly in excess of that of death. I would suggest [that the next edition of your poem should read]:

Every moment dies a man,

Every moment 1 1/16 is born.

Strictly speaking, the actual figure is so long I cannot get it into a line, but I believe the figure 1 1/16 will be sufficiently accurate for poetry."

- Charles Babbage, in a letter to Alfred Tennyson

"Please, I'm a scientist; I don't think, I observe."

- Dr. Clayton Forrester, Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand

""As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Kuthrapali, whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him when it's convenient...""

- Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

""This guy's becoming a major pain in my ass-"

"I detect no damage in the gluteal area.""

- Darius Mason and S.A.M, Red Faction Armageddon