Villainous Travel Agency (Darth Wiki)

(See the discussion for details. Now we've summoned it from the burning hells that is.)

Hello there, welcome to Honest Johns Travel Agency. Maybe you've had a bit of a hard time from all that endless wiki walking?. Perhaps you need to get away from it all for a while? Look no further!

Our exhilarating range of exciting locales and exotic locations includes everything you could imagine, and a few things you can't, including beautiful old buildings, nature walks, and mysterious old temples. For our wealthy interworld travellers, please choose from our excellent selection of relaxing destinations, ranging from hot and fiery scorchers to cool, crisp shelters from the relentless summer sun.


 * Greetings! I am the Monitor of Installation 04. I am 343 Guilty Spark. During your visit, you can expect to find funny, high pitched aliens, reptilian alien who say "Wort, Wort, Wort!!", Wookiee knockoffs, and even bird aliens. You will also find the wildlife, including an intelligent parasite!
 * A bright, vibrant world recently colonized by Dahl, this world has various towns and settlements. What little crime there is is handled by beloved prison warden Flynte, and when he can't do the job, he has the elite soldiers of Crimson Lance, led by Commandant Steele to do it. The world's most well known attraction is an ancient museum that houses the remnants of an ancient civilation. Be sure to visit during the springtime, as that's when the local fauna comes to play with the settlers.
 * Looking for a more urban scene? Then do we have the place for you! With low crime rates, whether enjoying their famous "Victory Gin" or taking an extended tour of the Ministry of Peace, the nightlife is just full of excitement!, and their cheery staff will be almost like a family to you. Consistently rated TwiceDoublePlusGood in Insoc Today 300 years in a row.
 * Enjoy long travel and modern comforts? Hate dirt and water? You should definitely visit our large cruise planetoid as it travels from system to system! Meet the friendly locals, enjoy stunning ancient ruins and meet famous celebrities along the way! Meet us in the Alderaan System!
 * Howdy, pardner! Let us take you on an unforgettable, hands-on journey of the Texas meat-packing business! We'll take you on tour through a small, rural community where you'll have a chance to meet some of the colorful locals, who will engage you in exciting, hands-on approach to slaughtering tools and equipment. After going by a meat packing and processing plant, we'll take an afternoon excursion to meet a great big family of meat specialists who have lived on the same plot of land since before the war! Hey, look, it's Grandpa! What's that, Grandpa? Is dinner ready yet? Don't worry, Grandpa, I'll cut that up for you!
 * Bored of home? Wanting to escape the doldrums of Earth? Then come join our pioneering venture to colonize a newly discovered planetoid! With spacious scientific research areas, comfortable lodgings, and adorable alien fauna who just love getting close to you, this is the home for you and your family!
 * Who needs the quiet day-to-day dullness of where you live now? Come to our custom resort, located on prime real estate near a beautiful volcanic plain, and spend your days inpeace and relaxation! Our main complex is fully equipped to deal with all your needs, no matter what they might be. And when you get tired of the facilities, take a stroll around our gardens, where if you're lucky you might even find something growing! And don't worry about potential invaders. Our quite capable president watches over the whole estate from his penthouse office.
 * You like big cities? Have I got a place for you. The locals are a little rough, but that's just part of the adventure. Enjoy our hot springs! Your children will enjoy our robots and seeing the secrets inside the buildings. It's all a very interesting city, except over there. And all the Tang you can drink.
 * Tired of that little backwater village that you live in? Ever wonder if there's anything more out there for you? Then perhaps the Big Bacon itself should be your next destination. As you arrive there in a stretch limo, you'll see the bright lights and the hustle and bustle of the crowds. With an arcade, movie theatre and even a funfair within the urban grounds, you'll never get bored, and the pleasant ladies working in the restaurant will ensure that your meals are enjoyable. Marvel at the gigantic statue overlooking the east side, said to be the city's protector! Gaze at how impossibly high the state building is (surely that can't only be 100 floors)! Sample the unique hotdogs that the vendor outside the cinema sells (you really won't find anything else like them)! You'll certainly be a nicer person once you take a dip in the springs here.