Glee/Funny

Season 1
"Rachel: "We didn't think Artie would take it personally."
 * In the pilot episode when Rachel says "There is nothing ironic about show choir!"
 * Rachel asking Emma if she's ever liked somebody so much that she wanted to lock herself up in her room and cry to sad music, followed by Emma's "no", a brief shot of Will, and a cut to Emma locked in her car while it's raining, crying and singing along to 'All By Myself'.Granted it was in a car and not a room...
 * "I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary."
 * Josh Groban telling Sandy to lay off.
 * Josh Groban hitting on Will's mom. Specifically the face he makes when she says she's drunk and "not making very good decisions".
 * Quinn at the Celibacy Club meeting: (completely straight-faced) "If the balloon pops, the sound makes the angels cry."
 * Puck saying "I had sex with your mom. No, seriously: I cleaned your pool, and then I had sex with her... on your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets."
 * The entire football team doing the dance from Beyonce's "Single Ladies." In uniform and pads. In the middle of the game. And doing it WELL.
 * Puck, after a dream about Rachel: "When I woke up, I knew it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants."
 * The glee club on Sudafed.
 * Especially Finn's real life :D face while singing.
 * Kurt: "They [the other male members of the Glee club] rejected my offer to do their hair in cornrows, and all my ideas were derided as too costly because they involved a variety of exotic bird feathers."
 * Finn: "Then I came up with the best baby name of all time: DRIZZLE."
 * Will: "Ken, your commitment to football is about as long as your shorts."
 * Artie: "I wanna be very clear... I still have the use of my penis."
 * Sue: "In fact, I like minorities so much that I'm thinking of moving to California to become one!"
 * Sue: "Think this is hard? Try living with hepatitis, that's hard."
 * "That was the most offensive thing I have seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."
 * Sue's "Dear Journal..."
 * Sue: "I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face."
 * Puck's cheesy grin during "Proud Mary" at the end of Episode 9
 * In Acafellas,when the new choreographer hired by the club proceeds to insult Rachel's appearance, Finn's height, and Kurt's clothes and kicks out Mercedes for her weight and Artie for not being able to walk, Rachel tells him, "You're fired. And I'm taller than you."
 * Rachel and Artie in Wheels:

Artie: "Well, you're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally.""

"Santana: Brittany, you're supposed to be in your wheelchair.
 * Puck's fake crying when he goes to Sandy with his "disability."
 * "The doctor said the shark severed my spine!"
 * "And this is why I never go to the aquarium!"
 * Sue: "You think that's hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told that 'We're going in a different direction.' That was hard!"
 * From Wheels:

Brittany: I lost it."

"Kurt: Everyone raise your right hand.
 * Also, another Brittany moment from Wheels:

(Brittany raises her left hand)

Kurt: Your right hand, Brittany.

(Brittany continues with her left hand until Santana actually shows her which is which.)

Brittany: Oh. Sorry."

"Finn: Yeah Mr. Shue. Kids are busier than when you went here. We've got homework and football and teen pregnancy, lunch."
 * Also, I guess what you'd called a Bread Eggs Squick Milk.

"Mr. Schue: Does anybody know what a ballad is?
 * Finn's face when Kurt slaps him on the ass during "Push it."
 * Hell, the entire routine can be seen as this, from the over-the-top sexiness and the audience's different reactions.
 * Especially Sue's reaction is hilarious.
 * Plus Emma grooving in her seat and Figgin's happy swaying and toe tapping.
 * Drunk Kurt: "Oh Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy..."
 * From, shockingly, Ballads:

Brittany: *Knowledgeable voice* A male duck."

"Mr. Schue: I want you to all pick a song out of this hat.
 * And later from he same episode

Brittany: I bet the duck is in the hat."

"Kurt: I could totally sing this song with Finn, but screw him if thinks he's taking the Diana Ross part from me."
 * Also from Ballads:

""I LOVE the days when I don't wear underwear... Full commando...""
 * Yet again in Ballads, when Kurt tells Finn that Finn's father had a weapon when charging onto the field (comparable to Finn going to dinner with Quinn's parents and telling them about her being pregnant) and Finn goes, "You think I should bring a gun?"
 * The terrifying twist on "Endless Love" as sung by Mr. Schue and Rachel, complete with voiced-over thoughts of various characters regarding the song and/or the singers and Puck's completely non-sequiteur thoughts about his going commando.
 * Puck:

"Kurt: (talking about Finn) I don't know why I find his stupidity charming, Finn steals a peek at Brittany's test. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows."
 * Artie's reaction to Will and Rachel singing "Endless Love".
 * Also from Ballads:

"Terri: (to Susie Pepper on the phone) "Listen, you little psycho, this is Will's wife. And if I don't get enough sleep, my anti-depressants won't work, and then I'll go crazy, and I'LL KILL YOU.""
 * Finn's kung-fu moves as he tries to psych himself up in the Fabray's bathroom.
 * After Suzie calls the Schuesters in flashback:

"Sue: As soon as a cheerleader rolls herself out in a wheelchair, she becomes decidedly less effective at cheering people up!"
 * Susie Pepper trying to commit suicide by using the world hottest pepper. Crosses the Line Twice? You bet!
 * Everyone is taking a name out of a hat it is Tina turn, and she takes... Other Asian
 * Mike's irritated look on his face after this is what makes it for this Troper
 * Finn telling Quinn's parents that she's pregnant through the song "You're Having My Baby". (There are shades of Heartwarming as well.)
 * Kurt's "call me" gesture at Finn and Finn's reaction during "Lean On Me".
 * From Wheels:

""Glee Club... Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers it only comes back stronger, like some kind of sexually ambiguous horror movie villain.""
 * Sue again:

"Sue: (talking to Will) I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me."
 * From Throwdown:

"Sue: I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling."
 * Sue's Corner:

""I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.""
 * Yet again, Sue.

""Sure he'd be pissed at first, but once he realized he didn't have to deal with this anymore, he'd bake me a damn cake!""
 * Puck, about how Finn will react if Puck and Quinn decide to raise the baby together:

""I'm gonna say this as nicely as I possibly can, but you look like a... sad clown hooker.""
 * Finn, to Rachel about her Unnecessary Makeover:

"Kendra: I'm gonna have her babysit my kids. Five minutes alone with those little mongrels and she'll have her tubes tied!"
 * Kendra, after Quinn says she wants to keep the baby:

"Are you questioning my badass-ness? Have you seen my guns??"
 * The deaf glee club member blatantly signing "They look like they're crazy..." to their friend during New Directions performance of "Crazy In Love/Hair."
 * Puck:

"Kurt: A what?
 * The montage of photos that were taken as a result of Rachel joining as many clubs as possible, no matter how ill-suited for her they may be, just so she can be in as many photos as possible. It starts out mild, with stuff like Speech Club and Mock United Nations Club, but eventually ends up in stuff like Muslim Students Club and Black Students Union. What really seals this as a crowning moment of funny though is the totally deadpan/ irritated looks she gets from everyone else in the more egregious photos.
 * Later in the episode she suggests that she and Kurt start a GayLesbAll.

Rachel: A Gay-Lesbian-Alliance!


 * Kurt immediately leaves*"

"Santana: Sex is not dating.
 * Brittany and Santana

Brittany: If it were, Santana and I would be dating."

"Sue: I'm reasonably confident you'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian.
 * "Push It". Just, "Push It".
 * Sue in Sectionals:

''(a bit later)

Sue: Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!"

""I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.""
 * Burt's reaction to Kurt coming out (also a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming):

"Figgins: Oh Sue, I put it on youtube myself, and it only got two hits! Let me break it down for you, nobody cares!
 * Principal Figgins on the youtube video Sue was blackmailing him with:

Sue: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Figgins: NO! NOT THE CHILDREN!"

"Mr. Schue: What do you say when you answer the phone?
 * The what-do-you-say-when-you-answer-the-phone opening to Mr. Schue's speech completely backfiring.

Mercedes: What up?

Artie: Who dis be?

Kurt: (very matter-of-factly) No, she's dead, this is her son.

{Beat}

Mr. Schue: Okay. Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, liked to say "Ahoy!" [rest of speech]"

"Brittany: "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?""
 * From Hell-O:

"Mercedes: ... Wouldn't that make you, like, thirty?
 * Sue, during her Vogue video (Made by Kurt and Mercedes): "Will Schuester, I hate you!"
 * Kurt's face immediately after.
 * Brittany: "Sometimes I forget my middle name."
 * Emma telling Will (deadpan serious) how she plans to do the nasty with him Friday night.
 * Sue claiming Madonna's album True Blue was released on her sixth birthday.

Sue: Twenty nine."

"Brittany: Mr. Schue, is he your son?"
 * Jesse St. James: "Just come out so we can talk... Or sing about it."
 * Kurt in episode 16 : "And I had splenda for breakfast!"
 * The Glee club performing Can't Touch This to improve their reputations... and getting shut down by the librarian, who thought it was "cute" and wanted them to perform it at her church.
 * Mr. Schue interrogating the glee club kids about the Glist and Kurt pointing out that Shue is obviously watching way too many Law And Order reruns.
 * The "Run, Joey, Run" video.
 * Will is introducing Jesse to the Glee Club:

"Bryan: You know I'm still cutting half your funding.
 * Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) and Sue deciding to have "angry sex" after their debate over which department should get school funding.

Sue: You win some, you lose some."

"Rachel: [Without my voice,] I'm just this spoiled, annoying only child.
 * Made extra funny when you realize that both actors in the scene are gay.
 * Will finding out that the one girl that Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) wanted Terri but she was "the one who got away" for him. Complete with Spit Take and Will telling Bryan about his marriage and divorce.
 * The girls and Kurt temporarily becoming demonically possessed performing Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance".
 * Special mention goes to Kurt's little "'Cause I'm a freak, baby!"
 * Tina's vampire speech to Figgins.
 * The Guys perfoming "Shout It Out Loud" in full KISS makeup and costume, especially Puck's "whore lips"
 * From Laryngitis:

Finn: Don't say that; there's so many awesome things about you.

Rachel: Like?

Finn: ...Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again."

"Will: I'm just... concerned for your safety.
 * Will seducing Sue. In all it's cheesy glory.
 * Rachel calling out the piano player to sing a duet with, commenting, "He's always just...around."
 * Will trying to come up with an excuse for why Rachel has to sit in the back seat:

Rachel: [charmed] Really?

Will: Um... No. Not really."

""I have to be honest, Will. I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about 'livin' on the Bayou!'""
 * Quinn giving birth in the middle of "Bohemian Rhapsody," complete with her lines sometimes meshing with the lyrics. More specifically (since a lot of that was other kinds of Emotional Torque), her screaming "YOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCK!" at Puck during a particularly nasty contraction.
 * Hm, this whole time I thought she was saying "SUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOU!"
 * Works either way.
 * Finn looking down at his nametag to check if the store has been renamed "Losers 'n' Things".
 * Sue in Journey:

"Will: "We have got something that other groups don't!"
 * Will in Journey, and the fact that it takes Finn a moment to get it.

Everyone: "What?"

Will: "Finn's dancing!""

"Kurt: Oh... my god."
 * Rachel: "I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to LIVE!"
 * Sue: "I spend large chunks of each day picturing you choking on food. And I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that the two of us went to a zoo and I shoved your face into one of those pink inflamed monkey butts that weeps lymph."
 * Kurt's expression and silent 'Oh my god' during Bust a Move when Will is trying to get him to dance at about 'the girl is stacked'. No, scratch that. Everything Kurt does during that song is hilarious. He picks up a tambourine and plays it by himself in the corner at one point.
 * At the end of Theatricality when their all walking away from the camera, Kurt reaches out and touches Finn's costume. Finn reaches over to feel Kurt's... and Kurt scoots away shaking his head.
 * Hell, Finn showing up in that costume was a laugh riot.

"Kurt: I don't understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool.
 * Terri: "This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep."
 * Kurt in Vitamin D:

Will: ...Just go with it."

"Mercedes: Aw, HELL to the naw! Listen, I ain't up for this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyonce, I ain't no Kelly Rowland."
 * Kurt: "Aaand, we have a jumper."
 * Will: "I have in my hand a Spanish quiz in which one of your Cheerios misspelled her name & answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero!"
 * No points for guessing which Cheerio that was.
 * (Hint: It's Brittany.)
 * You have to look SO hard to get this one, but in Throwdown, when Sue recruits her "Sue's Kids", Artie is hilariously clinging to Mercedes in the background. It loses something in the writing.
 * Just the idea of a mashup of "I Could Have Danced All Night" and "The Thong Song"
 * Also from "Mash-Up," after Kurt's self-slushee Taking the Bullet, "Someone get me to a day spa! STAT!" And the Glee girls immediately take him into the ladies room to help him out.
 * Kurt's facial expressions/weeping over the hood of his "Baby" while Mercedes sings "Bust Your Windows" with the Cheerios doing her backup dancing.
 * Mercedes interrupting the club's rendition of "You're The One That I Want":

"Santana: [berating] Look, Finn, it's high time you lost "the Big V." Everything about you screams "virgin!" You're as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Doll. It's exhausting to look at you. [alluring] So c'mon, Finn. Let's do the deed. It'll be great for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader. It's a win-win.
 * The whole scene where Santana's propositioning Finn, especially the way her tone goes from seductive to annoyed in about three seconds as she almost immediately loses her patience with him, and her reasoning behind it.

Finn: But what's in it for me?

Santana: I don't know, you...get to have sex, and make Rachel jealous? I meant for me. It's a win-win for me."

"Kurt: (glaring at all of them) One day you all will work for me."
 * Kurt squirming and glaring indignantly whenever anyone touches him in the first few episodes, best of all when Rachel drags her hand through his hair and over his face during "You're The One That I Want." First he raises one eyebrow as she touches his hair, attempts to kill Rachel with his eyes after the face bit, and he can be seen trying to fix his hair as he sings (still glaring) for about ten seconds afterward.
 * Kurt's consistent pride and indignance (at pretty much everything) throughout the entire show.
 * when Kurt's about to be thrown into the dumpster again in Showmance:

"Burt: If things get too serious, just make sure you use protection.
 * This becomes even better when you know that it was ad-libbed. Oh yes. Worship the Colfer.
 * Burt's speech to Kurt about Brittany. It's more his delivery than anything. You just get the feeling that he was given the same speech about respect and protection when he was around Kurt's age but that, ever since Kurt turned three, he thought he'd never have to give it to his own son, causing his awkward fumbling. Of course, this goes hand-in-hand with a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming where he tells Kurt that his son can be whoever he wants to be but that, when Kurt figures out who that person is, Burt would like to know him.
 * And then of course, there's this:

Brittany: Does he mean like a burglar alarm?"

"Rachel: I rooted through the dumpsters behind the Carmel auditorium and I found 18 empty boxes of Christmas lights!
 * The fact that Kurt actually went to the trouble of putting a sign on the door announcing he was inside making out with a girl both made this troper laugh hysterically at the over-the-top-ness and made her want to cry considering he was so desperate to be what he thought his dad wanted.
 * From "The Power of Madonna". Brittany giving a totally wrong explanation as to what a misogynist is.
 * The Ominous Latin Chanting (O Fortuna, to be exact) all through Throwdown.
 * "Well, call the Vatican! We've got ourselves another immaculate conception!"
 * The Lady Gaga discussion at the beginning of Theatricality:

Tina: Oh, no!

Rachel: Which lead me to Joelle Fabrics. I asked them about red Chantilly lace. They were sold out!

Mercedes: Oh, sweet Jesus!

Kurt: Oh, my!

Will: What?

Kurt: They're doing Gaga.

Mercedes: That's it, it's over.

Rachel: Exactly!

Kurt: We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality, they know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them!

Puck: What's up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?

Kurt: Lady Gaga is a woman! She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing; the most theatrical performer of our generation. And she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.

Brittany: It's true."


 * Puck going on and on to Mercedes about why Super Mario Brothers 3 is the greatest video game ever,
 * In "Laryngitis", Rachel's performance of "The Climb" and Kurt's "Pink Houses". Made even better by the club's WTF expressions, especially Brittany's enjoyment of both.
 * "It doesn't mean you are gay. It just means that you are awful." Sue is great in bringing people up...

Season 2
"Join glee club it is fun. Swaying in background can be fun."
 * Sunshine and Rachel have a vocal catfight (although Sunshine is under the impression it's just for fun) to Lady GaGa and Beyonce's "Telephone" in the girl's bathroom. Sue walks in on them, promptly yells "SHUT UP!", looks at them like they're crazy, and walks out without saying another word. Doubles as an Awesome moment.
 * After Sunshine explains she doesn't understand Rachel (due to her having headphones in) Rachel assumes she can't speak English.

"Sam: I don't know, I've never had any balls in my mouth. Have you?"
 * Puck telling Sam he has a big mouth and then asking how many tennis balls he can fit into it.

"Rachel: ...and I realized that I was crushing you in my hands, like a little baby bird...
 * Britney/Brittany has SO many. Santana telling Carl he could "drill [her] whenever", a pamphlet that reads "There's hair down THERE?!", a David After Dentist reference by Rachel...
 * Santana flirting with Carl becomes even funnier after seeing the events of 'Sexy' and 'Born This Way', how it was just her trying too hard.
 * There's also Jacob Ben Israel and the AV President's mental "orgasm" during Glee's "Toxic" number at the Homecoming assembly.
 * Also the butt sweat stain. Squicky... but Sue's fixation on it made it hilarious.
 * Just about every word out of Brittany's mouth in Brittany/Britney. Besides her amazing speech revealing her full name (Brittany S. Pierce) as the reason she doesn't want to sing Britney songs, there's also this little gem from the end of the episode:

Brittany: Wait, Finn can fly?

Kurt: ...really?"

""Look, my dad is a doctor. A real doctor, not a 'tooth doctor'. He like, went to college or something. But the point is, I have a killer health care plan that pays for everything. So get up in my grill, because Britts and I want to get our anesthesia on!""
 * Santana bitching out Carl just to get anesthetized in "Brittany/Britney":

"Kurt: So what are you gonna be for Halloween this year?
 * Brittany/Britney had the incredibly pathetic Facebook group to get the glee club to perform Britney Spears at an assembly.
 * "Is God an evil dwarf?"
 * Kurt's wonderful facial expressions in "Dammit, Janet."
 * "Give me some chocolate or I will cut you." That had to cross SOME kind of line, but damn if it wasn't funny.
 * And speaking of Sue, her little spiel on Halloween.
 * And of course, because no episode is complete without Brittney:

Brittany: I’m going as a peanut allergy."

"Puck: Mr. Shue, can we do that new Cee-Lo song?
 * Emma and Will's reaction to Carl's way early enterance in Rocky Horror Glee Show.
 * Via motorcycle through the wall
 * Duets - Rachel's and Finn's singing "With You I'm Born Again". The expression on Finn's face was utterly goofy. The rest of the Glee cast' faces were priceless.
 * From "Never Been Kissed":
 * "STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN. >:(" Mike is saying this to  
 * "I've never actually almost killed a civil servant before."
 * Rachel's cry of "Spiiieees!"
 * Brittney massaging Artie's leg at Breadstix and then wondering why she's getting no reaction.
 * Blaine after he and Kurt confront Karofsky: "Well, he's not coming out anytime soon."
 * When the boys describe Beiste as being hard on the outside but soft and fluffy on the inside, Sam's response is "Like a chocolate turtle." Finn's response - "Totally, you're nougaty!" What really sells it is the look of "I'm surrounded by crazy people" on Kurt's face.
 * "The Subsitute":
 * One Word: Cameo. "She was like an attractive Biggie Smalls."
 * Rachel getting rushed by Santana when she tries to sub for Will. Santana's held back by the others, but her yelling in really ghetto Spanish makes Rachel scream.
 * "Oh my gosh, I open my mouth and a little purse falls out!" (Mercedes imagines Kurt saying that after he and Blaine have conversation consisting entirely of "Gay gay gay-gay gay gay")
 * Not to mention the little "How did that get in there?" and Mercedes' hilarious "WTF" face.
 * Will in a nutshell:

Will: Mm, no. Come on, guys, there's gotta be a Journey song we haven't done yet!"

"Child!Mike: I just wanna dance."
 * Will trying to go on teaching while sick, only to turn to the kids to find they have somehow regressed into 5-year-olds. Cutest hallucination ever.

"Cuantos veces Lindsay Lohan estuvo in rehab? cinco veces!"
 * Bieste reprimanding the team about spraying athlete's foot medicine in teammates eyes. Sue comes in, they argue (sorta), then Sue walks off. Bieste sprays said medicine in the air in Sue's general direction then, seeming to realize what she did, turns back to the team and just points to the medicine and goes "No."
 * Holly Holiday teaching the Spanish class:

"Brett, the kid next to Kurt: Are you smoking anything? 'cause this is trippy!
 * From Kurt's English class:

Kurt: You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless."

"Holly: Let's start with some introductions. My name is Holly Holliday, what's yours? Go!
 * "Everyone work on your bipolar rants!"
 * The club trying to fool Holly:

Puck: I'm Finn Hudson, I'm quarterback in the football team.

Santana: I'm Rachel Berry, his loud, loud girlfriend.

Brittany: I'm Mike Chang.

Mike: *nods*"

"Will: When I'm sick there's only one thing that makes me feel good.
 * Will talking about his love of Singin' in the Rain:

Artie: (wisely) Gin and juice...

Will: *confused face*"

"Rachel:
 * Emma's office's pamphlets are sort of a stealth Running Gag. She has some really unnerving ones, such as "Help! I'm In Love With My Step Dad!"
 * “...Which is why I just prefer to think of the homeless as outdoorsy. So shine on urban campers. You smell like adventure.”
 * Brittany asking Tina why Artie just lays there when they make out...
 * Kurt's response as to Finn asking if having a flock of doves at their parents wedding will make things "messy". "That's why we're going to feed the doves glitter, Finn." Finn thinks this is a great idea, which makes it better.
 * Later in the same scene: "I've been planning weddings since I was two. My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many different combinations they were like Fleetwood Mac."
 * The things that Sue is most passionate about: Extreme Taxidermy, Tantric Yelling, Poking the Elderly with hidden pins.
 * Then she does it to her mom later on!
 * Sue's proposed nicknames for Kurt: Gelfing, Porcelain or Tickle Me Doughface.
 * Brittany moving the meatball with her nose in "Duets" is both this and a Tear Jerker considering she wanted to share a Spaghetti Kiss with Artie.
 * Brittany's admitting to "adultery" in Special Education.
 * Also, the circumstances behind that. She was at motocross practice. As in, motorized dirt bikes. This from a girl that forgets her middle name.
 * "If we lose, we should throw possums at them."
 * Pretty much anything done by Puck in "Special Education"
 * Puck: Buddha! Allah! Satan! Help me!
 * During Rachel and Finn's.

Emma:"

""Santa": ... and she put being husky to good use.
 * "Sue The Grinch."  
 * Brittany and "Santa" have an incredible Heartwarming Moment together... and then:

Brittany: ...was her name Ricki Lake?"

"Rachel: I think that you and I are a little more similar than you think.
 * Also, Brittany's little anecdote about the mice in her stocking. "Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies."
 * Mike wants "Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff" for Christmas.
 * Sam wants "Chapstick, like, a lot of Chapstick."
 * The entire scene was hilarious, specially because it sounded what young children could say.
 * Will is trying to come up with a present to Sue for Christmas. 1) A Robot Dog. Thinks for a bit and then writes down 2) A SOUL, gives up and fling away the pad.
 * Becky being The Dragon and dutifully picking up the phone Will tosses on the floor when he storms out. Sue can only temper her zeal with a "At ease, Becky." Best Dragon Ever.
 * When Brittany and Sue the Grinch meet up. The scene from the book is duplicated word-for-word. And Brittany's hairstyle and innocence... let's just say that Cindy Lou Who lives.
 * This is a little one, but having rewatched it this line just got me: Kurt to Will as he comes to Dalton: "Are you looking to teach some place where pencils aren't primarily used as weapons?"
 * For some reason, I find the beginning of scene with Rachel and Kurt at the end of Duets hilarious:

Kurt: That's a terrible thing to say. *sprays his hair*"

"Mr. Schue: I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater here-
 * I consider this one of the funniest moments in Glee:

Brittany: I did that once."

"Brittany: I don't want to die yet, at least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled."
 * From Furt, Finn's face when Kurt says that he has a trunkful of wedding magazines hidden under his bed
 * From "The Sue Sylvester Shuffle" when Sue announces her plan to launch Brittany from a human cannon.

"Santana (after having her ass handed to her): That's how we do it in Lima Heights.
 * Kurt in the same episode: "Blaine and I both love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves."
 * When the football team is forced to join glee, the previously never seen or even mentioned McKinley Hockey Team who come out of nowhere to slushie the football players...and they all have Patrick Kane mullets.
 * They were seen in season one. In fact, in Karofsky's first appearance he is on the hockey team.
 * Blaine serenading Breadstix patrons with "Silly Love Songs". as he looks at Santana, who has had no romantic luck at all today, he sings the line "Sometimes it doesn't come at all". The look on her face is priceless.
 * The little "sorry" shrug he gives her is just the cherry on top too.
 * Seems a little harsher in hindsight as of "Sexy."
 * Santana vs. Lauren.

Bieste (carrying Santana off over her shoulder): Let's get you to the nurse..."

"Puck: Please go out with me...Just, please..."
 * Then Puck AFTER the fight:

""It's puppy love. It's adorable." to:
 * Tina breaking down while singing 'My Funny Valentine' to Mike, the look on his face is hilarious.
 * Kurt gets so mad during "When I Get You Alone" that he just stands there grumpily. And when Blaine gets close to him he puts on an overly saccharine smile, only to switch back to his frown hilariously as soon as Blaine leaves.
 * Also, Blaine sliding up to the register holding a pair of socks.
 * Kurt's face after Blaine sings the "keep your toys in the drawer tonight" line never fails to make this troper crack up.
 * Jeremiah's face during that line is pretty hilarious too.
 * The abrupt scene change when the number ends. It goes from all the (many) Warblers helping Blaine loudly serenade his crush, dancing around the store and making a big spectacle of themselves to a shot of Blaine outside, worriedly asking Kurt "Was it too much?"
 * This troper couldn't help but giggle madly at Blaine's attitude change towards Valentine's Day after.

"Don't they have anything without these stupid little hearts? Gross.""

"Sam: *clearly pleased with himself* That's my James Earl Jones impression.
 * Puck's confession about how terrible Juvie was: "People with no families, people who look at you like you're a dog they can't wait to kick the crap out of... and they kept taking my waffles."
 * All the guys having to constantly flick their hair out of their eyes after getting Justin Bieber hairstyles.
 * Especially Finn, as his hair isn't actually long enough to warrant the hair flicking, yet he does it anyway.
 * Puck's hoodie with the built-in Bieber fringe. It looks adorably ridiculous.
 * When the show suddenly jumps to Lauren fighting stage fright by imagining everyone in their underwear. It happens rather suddenly, and Sue in particular may induce a Spit Take.
 * Sam getting his geek on with Santana had me in stitches, but the resulting exchange even more so:

Santana: First of all, that is a offensive. He shot Martin Luther King!"

"Sue: (to Katie Couric) "I hate you, Diane Sawyer.""

"Kurt: (to Finn) I'm still trying to impress Blaine. Can't get too sloppy. *looks over at Blaine flailing about wildly* Clearly he doesn't have the same concern.
 * (sheepish) "She kind of rocked my world."
 * Rachel's headband song.
 * The entirety of Blame It On The Alcohol
 * Specifically Finn's explanation to Rachel of the different drunk girl archetypes. Santana is the Hysterical Woman, Quinn & Lauren get angry at Puck, Mercedes & Tina laugh uncontrollably, Brittany turns into a stripper and Rachel becomes needy.
 * As well as drunk Blaine:

Blaine: (also to Finn) It is so cool that you and Kurt are brothers! I mean, brothers! Like, whoa! You're sooo tall."

""Your face...tastes awesome.""
 * Will's drunk dialing message.
 * Burt's immediate reaction upon finding Blaine in Kurt's bed.
 * Even funnier is Kurt's innocent expression of "What? What are you looking at me like that for?" as he casually moisturizes.
 * Rachel's immediate reaction after kissing Blaine:

"Quinn: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?
 * When Schue calls out the kids for using alcohol before a performance:

Brittany (to Mercedes): That's so racist!"

"Tina: So you and Artie are officially dating now?
 * Tik and Also Tok by Ke-dollar sign- Ha
 * "Hair of the dog that done bit yo' ass." Oh, Artie
 * Figgins had asked the glee club to perform at the anti alcohol assembly, and they decide to perform "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha. Rachel gives them a weird mixture of things she founds in her dads' liquor cabinet and cough syrup. The number goes pretty well until Brittany pukes all over Rachel towards the end of the song. Then everyone starts throwing up.
 * Also Brittany's line after throwing up the alcohol and cough syrup drink on Rachel: "Everybody drink responsibly."
 * When Kurt comes over to Rachel's to see how her date with Blaine went they sit to talk on the stage and there's a bra in the backround.
 * Mr. Schue marking papers, giving them all A+ and giving comments like Nice Try and a smiley face.
 * Tina finding out about Brittany and Artie. Bonus points for Quinn's awkward expression since she's caught in the middle of this conversation.

Brittany: Deal with it. When you guys fooled around, did he ever like just lied there?"

"Kurt: I've tried watching those movies, but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once, and they all have mothers and god, what would their mothers think, and why would you get that tattoo there?!"
 * Brittany explains to the glee club that she knows she's pregnant because a stork is building a nest outside her window, so it's obviously bringing her baby. When they cut to Rachel's reaction shot, her look of incredulity is priceless.
 * Everyone's look in that scene is hilarious. Santana's made me laugh for several minutes.
 * What I remember the most from that scene is Sam's expression. As opposed to the shocked reactions of the other Glee members, he just simply smiled amusedly like he's used to Brittany's outlandish statements. Remember he just joined Glee in S2 and doesn't know Brit as long as the rest of them.
 * Emma's fear of the hose monster. Well, pretty much anything done by Emma in this episode.
 * ESPECIALLY when she decides to sing "Afternoon Delight" as the song for celibacy.
 * Kurt sticking his fingers in his ears and going "lalalala" when Burt announces that it's time for The Talk.
 * Also:

"Finn: Wait, cucumbers can give you AIDS?"
 * Holly Holiday and the cucumbers.

"Holly: Apparently my cucumber demonstration made it impossible to watch Veggie Tales the same way ever again. I personally thought it made watching that show hilarious."
 * Then

"Brittany: Please don't tell anyone, okay? Especially Artie. (walks away)
 * Blaine meeting Sue for the first time. Particularly since he doesn't actually have any lines in that scene. The way his facial expression slowly changes from politely confused to an openmouthed gape of horror gets this troper every time.
 * When Holly mentions that having sex with someone means that you are having sex with everyone that that person have had sex with, Brittany gets the greatest Oh Crap-face ever.
 * When Brittany thinks she's pregnant and Santana promises not to tell anyone. In a matter of seconds, the news have reached Artie:

Santana: Yeah, sure. Your secret's safe with... (to Tina) Oh my god, Brittany's pregnant!

Tina: (to Puck) Oh my god, Brittany's pregnant!

Puck: It was only a matter of time.

Lauren: For what?

Puck: Brittany to get pregnant.

Lauren: (to Artie) Congratulations!

Artie: For what?

Lauren: Oh, you didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo. You're gonna be a baby daddy!

Cue the Reaction Shot of Artie's less than pleased face."

""When they go shopping, it gets its own damn cart.""
 * "Big Ass Heart," Puck's original song. In its entirety. Especially:

""It's called Big Ass... Heart.""
 * As well as the opener:

"Santana: I wrote this for Sam, it's called "Trouty Mouth".
 * In "Original Song," Finn saying "Whoa. Scary Quinn. Okay."
 * "Trouty Mouth" which Santanna sings to Sam which goes into deep detail into how much his mouth is like several fish mouths. Sam is not happy.
 * When Santana says she wrote a second verse of it and Sam raises the sign he wrote for Mercedes' song ("Hell No")
 * Also from that scene, Mike's timing for answering Sam was just hilarious.

[Camera zooms in on Sam]

Sam: Wait, what's it called?

Mike: [Leans into his close-up] Trouty Mouth."

"Blaine: Pavarotti's voice was silenced by death, and I don't want to silence anyone else's voices--Pavarotti would roll over in his tiny, tiny little grave.
 * Brittany saying that her favorite song is "My Headband," the song that Rachel wrote.
 * Sue punching out the presenter when Aural Intensity lost in "Original Song".
 * "My husband is verbally abusive, and I have been drinking since noon."
 * Kurt's annoyed expressions during "Misery."
 * Especially the one right at the start that screams "Bitch, you did not just throw paper on me!"
 * After Blaine proposes his duet idea to the Warblers:

Kurt: The placement of which has yet to be determined."

"Random Warbler: This is a kangaroo court!"
 * Blaine's idea about a costume change for Regionals: Red ties with blue piping instead of blue ties with red piping. Everyone's outraged reactions are just hilarious.

"Santana: First of all, anything you do became my business when you decided to toss that slushie up in my grill.
 * Every single one of Kurt's expressions in "Sexy" was absolutely hilarious. From his growly faces during "Animal" to his quiet horror as Burt gives him The Talk.
 * When Kurt is trying to be sexy in "Animal," Blaine is giving him the best "WTF?" faces.
 * Not to mention that, when Kurt tries again in his bedroom mirror and it doesn't work he says "How am I supposed to be sexy when I have all the sexual experience and knowledge of a baby penguin?" Something about Chris Colfer's delivery of that line gets this troper every time!
 * Santanas hilarious over-the-top-lust after Dentist Carl. Fridge Brilliance after "Sexy"; She was trying too hard.
 * Dustin's entire conversation with Holly. Especially his comments about Will's hands in "A Night of Neglect".
 * Santana's Badass Boast towards Karofsky.

Karofsky: I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl.

Santana: Ha. See here's what's gonna go down. Two choices: You stay here and I crack one of your nuts--right or left, that's your choice--or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also? I have razor blades hidden in my hair. Mm-hm. Tons, just all up in there."

"Santana: Brittany, I'm Hispanic! (looks at the shirt again) ...Wait, was that supposed to say "lesbian?"
 * Made even funnier by the fact that she pulls out the razor blade cell phone from her hair after Karofsky leaves.
 * Blaine's "dapper shove" against Karofsky. It was hilariously ineffective.
 * What may be the most ridiculous use of Chekhov's Gun in existence:  The goofy grins on Brittany and Artie's faces are priceless.
 * From "Born This Way", Emma reveals her shirt representing her embracing her own flaw of being... ginger. This troper literally fell over laughing.
 * Santana's shirt simply says "Bitch". And Brittany giving her a shirt that says "Lebanese" not as a joke, but because she thought that was actually the correct term.

Brittany: That is what it says, right?"

"Random woman: Ohio loves you, Ann Coulter!"
 * Will's shirt says "Butt Chin".
 * Puck's shirt says "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing at his penis.
 * "I've gotta gay. Go. I've gotta go."
 * The look on Blaine's face after her mix-up is also a mixture of hilarious and adorable.
 * Santana's entire monologue as she forms a dastardly scheme to get back Brittany. But the best one was her saying: "Holy crap, I'm a closet lesbian AND a judgmental bitch, which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar."
 * "The only 'straight' I am is straight up bitch."
 * Sam's t-shirt said "Trouty mouth"
 * The giant goofy smile on Finn's face right before he clocks Rachel.
 * Blaine's over-the-top and almost grotesque sad face at the end of "Somewhere Only We Know", which is so hugely Narm that it becomes extremely funny.
 * From "Rumours": "Oh, how I've missed your insanity!"
 * Brittany; "Don't look at me like that. Just because I'm doing this interview doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you. I know you started smoking again.
 * Previously on Fondue For Two, Tina using her appearance to cheerfully refute that rumour about Asian men. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Mike.
 * Santana (about Brad the piano player): "He's just furniture. [turns to Brad] No offense." [Brad shrugs]
 * Sue disguised as Ann Coulter.
 * Sue disguised as Ann Coulter.

"Finn: "What Prom-Queen Candidate is spending a whole lot of time in her closet?" That is garbage, Quinn is claustrophobic.
 * Trumped by Sue dressed as David Bowie.
 * Trumped even more that the disguise change from Bowie to Coulter takes all of six seconds, which a confused Terri lampshades.
 * Also, Sue drinking the cocoa powder she ordered dressed as Bowie to try to imitate his eccentricities.
 * A combination of this and Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Mike whispers in Kurt's ear during the end of Rumours, and Kurt promptly takes Sam's guitar, which Sam is currently playing, straight out of his hands, causing a confused, affronted look in Sam. However, before Sam can react beyond that look, Puck and Mike pick him up and hoist him onto their shoulders.
 * Maybe it is just This Tropers warped sense of humour, but after all of Santana's Gayngst, this bit of dialogue was hysterical:

Rachel: [Without missing a beat or giving a shit] No, that's Santana. Read the next one."

"Sue: I'm trying to interrogate you and you just told me the one thing you always wanted. You are the worst POW ever. John McCain is rolling over in his grave.""
 * Quinn wants to be prom queen because they live 5 years longer than normal people. It's because they smile a lot and everyone knows smiling helps fight disease.
 * "Prom Queen" is full of funny moments and awesome one-liners:
 * Sue's "interrogating" Artie in "Prom Queen," complete with dental kit, which ends with this piece of dialogue:


 * is actually rife with these now, the most prominent being:

"Santana: Just because I hate everyone doesn't mean that they have to hate me too!"
 * "Do I smell like a golf course?"
 * It was in the middle of a rather heart-breaking montage, but come on!
 * It was in the middle of a rather heart-breaking montage, but come on!

"Dave: Everything looks good. No gay protests or rainbow flags being lit on fire down this way.
 * The boys hamming it up singing "Friday." Also doubles as Crowning Moment of Awesome; they managed to make "Friday" good.'
 * If you watch closely during "Friday", you can see Santana trying to restrain herself from getting bitchy when another girl walks by wearing the exact same dress as her.
 * Really? I thought she was checking out her ass...
 * It's Santana. It's probably a little bit of both.
 * What, no mention of Finn's liking Kurt's prom ensemble? "Dude, that rocks, it's like gay Braveheart." Were it anyone else but Finn, this troper would have wanted to smack him... From Finn, it was hilarious and adorable in a supportive brother way.
 * Kurt: "Eat your heart out Kate Middleton!"
 * Lauren regarding her yellow prom dress attempt: "I look like a lemon meringue pie." Brittany's response? "I think you look delicious." So very Brittany.
 * Kurt: "Go with God, Satan. Santana!
 * Santana Lopez and David Karofsky's walkie-talkie conversation.

Santana: Are you finished talking?

Dave: ...Yeah?

Santana: When you’re finished talking, you should say ‘over’!

Dave: Sorry. No burning Liberace mannequins. Over!"

"Kurt: A prom proposal! (excited clap)"
 * At the beginning of Isn't She Lovely

"Mercedes: (to Kurt) ...I thought this song was about a baby...?"
 * And in the middle:

"Kurt [about Rachel and Jesse]: Correction. You had feelings for him. He made breakfast on your head."
 * "Funeral":
 * Kurt: "Jesse St James totally Jesse St Sucks."
 * And later:

"Jesse [To Finn]: You kinda sing and dance like a zombie who has to poop."
 * And from the preview:

"Brittany: Stop the violence!"
 * When Jesse thanks Santana for auditioning, she snaps at him and wonders why that's all he has to say when he was scribbling on his notepad the whole time. We then get a shot of his notepad, where there's a doodle of a cat.
 * The entirety of Kurt's dance and body movements during "Some People". Made even funnier for better or for worse by the fact that Chris Colfer (Kurt's actor) himself choreographed it.
 * While Rachel is singing "My Man", there's this really random, cheesy, slow-motion cut-away shot of Finn just smiling into the camera for what seems like a good 7 or so seconds.
 * Lauren and Santana's entire (INCREDIBLY one sided) fight. Complete with Santana being dragged away from a somewhat bored Lauren, still screaming and clawing for round two. She is a feisty one!

"Kurt: Brittany. Are you flirting with my man?
 * From the Glee Live 2011 tour. The beginning skit... Chris Colfer, Darren Criss, and Heather Morris just shine.

Brittany: ...Oops."

"Kurt (looks up from where he's been doing a dance move on the floor): "No, those are mine.""
 * --> Blaine: "I want to do something the Warblers would never let me do - a big Broadway number!"

"Receptionist: It's gonna be tough fitting twelve kids into two rooms.
 * And they've only gotten funnier as time goes on. Chris has admitted on Twitter that he writes the skits and he's trying to make Darren crack. They've escalated to puns on most of the cities/arenas, Oprah Winfrey impressions, pet names, Kurt and Blaine's first adopted child being named Toronto, Kurt's former exotic dancer name being Ontario...if Darren doesn't crack, fandom probably will!
 * The one that really got this troper was the former exotic dancer name. Darren managed to stay in character and had Blaine respond with a very intrigued little "Oh really?" (What teenage boy wouldn't be intrigued about their significant other having an exotic dancer name?) So Chris, apparently not satisfied with not breaking Darren's character had Kurt respond with the line that gets this troper every time: Kurt, former baby penguin gives him what is unapologetically a sex kitten, come-hither voice, and says "You'll see during the encore." Aww, the baby penguin's all grown up! Darren Criss may not crack up, but this troper dies every time.
 * DARREN WINS (and so does Naya)!
 * Even better is that not only does Chris laugh, he starts flailing around on the floor.
 * "New York:"
 * Rachel saying that the person she bought tickets to Cats charged her credit card by swiping it through his butt-crack.
 * "Does this voodoo doll look enough like Rachel Berry?"
 * Brittany's original song, "My Cup." The full version is even better, where the opening lines are basically all Accidental Innuendos.
 * Everyone else's reactions, especially Santana and Mercedes.
 * Will confirming ND's reservation at the hotel.

Will: Yeah, I'll just split them by gender.

Receptionist: Wait, are you here for the show-choir competition? Because the other groups split by sexual orientation."

"Puck: It's New York, man. It's the city of love.
 * What makes this even funnier is that's exactly what happens.
 * The guys convincing Finn to ask Rachel out.

Sam: (mouth full of food): I thought that was Paris."

"Puck: I'll have a Manhattan. *Lauren nods*
 * In the same conversation, Sam says that if he was in love with a girl and he wasn't homeless, he'd totally go for it.
 * Rachel hears someone throwing up in the bathroom, and immediately assumes it's Santana.
 * Rachel: "All we need now is a group of street singers to serenade or something." Pan to Puck, Sam, Artie, and Mike, who happen to be standing right next to them, and start singing "Bella Notte."
 * What seals the deal is that even when Rachel leaves and Finn is left standing there, dejected, they still feel the need to finish the song.
 * Santana tells Quinn that she and Brittany can cheer her up. Quinn responds that "she isn't that interested in that".
 * The a cappella version of "Yeah." The song itself is Crowning Music of Awesome, but it's so funny in the show because of how incredibly ironic it is; they're all in these angelic, pure-looking white dresses, grinding and rapping.
 * It's also funny because they all look about forty.
 * Puck and Lauren, after less than ten minute in the hotel, trying to access Happy Hour.

Barista: Do you even know what's in a Manhattan?

Puck: Yeah. Me. For the first time, so I'm gonna celebrate with a cocktail."

"Guard: You're from a small town in Indiana. You've got dreams of making it big, singing on a Broadway stage for the first time in your life.
 * Right before the CMOH that is "For Good," Kurt and Rachel break into a stage and get noticed by a guard. He sees right through their flimsy excuses.

Kurt and Rachel: ...Ohio.

Guard: You have fifteen minutes. (walks away)"

"Listen, I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent, and I'm proud. You know what goes down in Lima Heights Adjacent? Bad things!"
 * Santana's going off on Rachel in Gratuitous Spanish in the hotel after their loss while being held back by Quinn, Mike and Sam - translated

"Dustin Goolsby: You're tearing up. People are starting to stare. I bet they think I just broke up with you."
 * Made funnier by the fact that it's called 'Lima Heights Adjacent', which means it's opposite Lima Heights, thus in the more middle class area. Made evident in 'Britney/Brittany' when Santana says her father is a doctor.
 * One of the top 10 show choirs: The Waffletoots.
 * And no love for the end of Dustin and Will's talk?

"Dustin Goolsby: (after Will says he loves his glee kids) They're hideous. At least my kids are attractive. Yours look like they haven't been baked properly."
 * Dustin's line to Will before that had me laughing all the way through what was supposed to be a very touching moment:


 * In "Original Song," during Kurt and Blaine's duet at Regionals, look at Puck. He's nearly in tears and seems genuinely moved. Doubles as Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
 * Hell, look at Puck during any performance in the latter half of season 2. Each and every single time, he looks moved to tears.
 * Also from "Original Song" - The Warblers unequivocally declaring that There Can Never Be Any Duets Ever No Way No How, only to hear that Blaine wants to duet with Kurt, and immediately doing a one-eighty so fast it makes viewers' heads spin. Complete with Wes smirking as he bangs his gavel. Clearly, the Warblers know what's up.

Season 3
"Rachel: Hello, Quinn. Hello...skanks."
 * Quinn quits the Glee Club and gets a punk makeover...and immediately starts hanging out with Bizarro Universe versions of Mercedes, Lauren, and Rachel.

"Sugar: I worked that song like a hooker pole."
 * Puck's Oh Crap in the moments before a food fight starts. "Oh god, no."
 * What does Beiste bring to lunch? An entire chicken.
 * That's a Running Gag that started back in season 2.
 * Yes, but now it's been lampshaded. When Will asks her if she eats a whole chicken every day, she replies that she eats one every meal.
 * Emma finally learns what being turned on feels like.
 * Kurt and Rachel's reaction to seeing a crowd of people exactly like them.
 * Sugar going off on Will in the hall when he tells her she can't join the club.

"Sugar: I have self-diagnosed Aspberger's Syndrome, which means I can say pretty much anything I want."
 * Hell, anything Suagr does in this episode. Her song especially, but also her introduction.

"Santana (to Kurt): These are toned down. Originally, the unicorn was riding you."
 * Emma assuming that Kurt and Rachel are dating and pointing out it's the only combination the club hasn't tried. Before handing Kurt a pamphlet entitled Me and My Hag!
 * Britanny has this amazing cross-eyed face in You Can't Stop the Beat that has to be seen to be believed.
 * The Cheerios during Blaine's rendition of "it's not unusual". it starts innocent enough, but towards the end you see Santana distracting Blaine so the others can pour lighter fluid on the piano. Quinn flicks a cigarette and boom.
 * Brittany proudly stating that the capital of Ohio is "O," and Will.I.Am is the president.
 * The Unicorn posters. They're so...pink.

"Will: Has anyone told you you're a little bit racist?"
 * One of the Skanks threatening to stab a girl with what looks like a plastic spork.
 * Ginger supremacists. Just... Ginger-freaking-supremacists.

""You're gay. And not like Rock Hudson gay. I mean really gay. You sing like Diana Ross, and you dress like you own a magical chocolate factory.""
 * Burt's Brutal Honesty regarding Kurt's masculinity:

"Jock: Say U2 is overrated!
 * Kurt's simply magnificent faces when Rory starts hitting high notes.
 * Blaine's facial expressions in Last Friday Night...who am I kidding? His facial expressions whenever he sings are hilarious
 * "She's kind of like Rain Man with boobs."
 * "ANGRY"
 * "Go back to Mexico!" Most of the bullying towards Rory was horrific, but to think someone was stupid enough to mistake an Irish kid for Mexican...
 * At least they managed to correct themselves by the end of the episode.

Rory: Never!"

"Sue: "If we want to pacify our future Chinese overlords"
 * "Pot O' Gold"'s "How Sue C's It" has such gems as:

Sue: "2004 dollars, Ohio! That's a years salary for a public school's Math teacher, wasted!""

"Kurt: If I want to win I'll have to pull a JFK.
 * One of Lima's funeral homes is a crematorium, and they double as a pizza parlour.
 * From "The First Time"
 * Artie saying Brittany called him the wrong name during and after sex.
 * Calling him the wrong name alone isn't what makes it funny. Calling him the wrong name four times is.
 * Santana saying Finn is terrible in bed, describing it as "like being smothered by a sweaty out of breath sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body spray."
 * Drag Queen Wednesday. That is all.
 * Blaine: "It doesn't look very scandalous." Kurt: "Au contraire! Just look at all these... glamorous drag queens. Look, there's Cher, and Tina Turner and... Is that Lucy or Reba?" Blaine: ...That is Ginger from Gilligan's Island." This troper nearly fell off her chair laughing.
 * Brittany lost her virginity at summer camp. Alien Invasion.
 * Well...a lot of people thought that line had some Unfortunate Implications.
 * From "Mash Off": Santana telling Rachel that her mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator's.
 * Puck saying a reason he and the sub teacher should get together is that he's hot and she's hot.
 * Also him standing by his locker so he can catch Shelby's eye, then booking it across the school and throwing a nerd out of the way to stand by his locker so he can catch her eye again. Her reaction is nothing short of Flat What.
 * Though Santana's insults are undoubtedly cruel, most of them are also bloody hilarious.
 * Sue's political ads.
 * "You're skinny, like all the crops on your family's farm died!"
 * The entirety of Hot for Teacher.
 * From "I Kissed A Girl":

Rachel: You're going to shoot Brittany?!"

"Rachel: You got me a dead pig for Christmas?
 * Puck writing in "Ross Perot" also qualifies.
 * "Student Council Elections" and "REAL ELECTION". Also, contrast the length of the queues.
 * From "Hold On To Sixteen": Finn, upon seeing Sam, as a stripper, on stage in just boxers. "That's an image I'm never gonna be able to get out of my mind."
 * Rachel's reaction is better. "Give me a dollar."
 * "I didn't know Backdraft was a musical."
 * "Red Solo Cup." Kurt's facial expressions are hilarious. Especially when he looks at Blaine and mouths "What wrong with you?!" That moment in particular had this troper in stitches.
 * And Santana's long and incredibly creative list of Trouty Mouth jokes directly after the song.
 * She kept said list in a little notebook in case Sam ever came back. Also doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming when you realize that she probably made the list because she hoped that Sam would return.
 * Santana saying that even she felt something stirring in her "lady loins" when she saw Sam.
 * Mike tells his dad that he missed the application deadlines for the dance colleges. Tina then tells him that she already sent them all in just in case his dad changed his mind. Though she kinda had to forge his signature.
 * Finn finds Blaine giving a rather thorough beat down to a punching bag. Blaine explains that, due to his bullying he took up boxing. Not funny. The funny part - "I also started the Dalton branch of fight club. Which I obviously can't talk about."
 * Slightly meta, but this review of the episode, told entirely from the perspective of Michael Chang Sr.
 * "It's not Christmas without Chewbacca!"
 * The dream itself is pants-wettingly hilarious.
 * "Mike Chang and Tina Cohen-Chang, no relation!"
 * The christmas special. Every. Last. Part. Special mention goes to the frequent mugging, Kurt and Blaine UnusualEuphemisms for "boyfriend", the Laugh Track, the "jokes" and all the Star Wars Holiday Special references (including Finn and Puck as characters eerily reminiscent of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo).
 * Finn's gift to Rachel is a pig which is sent to a family in Africa, so they can fatten it up and eat it.

Finn: It's not dead yet. They have to fatten it up first."

"Finn: Who told you?! Was it Kurt?
 * Rachel knows Finn doesn't know what to get her for Christmas, leading to this exchange:

Rachel: No!

Kurt [breezing past]: Yes."

""Sue, you can't have no baby. You are old as a hill. You won't give birth to no child, you gonna give birth to a grandchild. You gonna get in them stirrups, and you gonna push and push, and a full grown adult is gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job, talking on a cell phone. [...] What you need to do is wake up and smell the menopause. You are done as coach, and all the hormones in Thailand can't change the fact that you are done as a woman. What you need to do is start praying that you give birth to a child that likes to eat sand, because that's all that's coming out those old wrinkly boobs.""
 * In the Christmas episode the meeting where Sue is asking Artie, Kurt and Blaine to get New Directions to sing to the homeless. Blaine's facial expressions especially were hilarious.
 * "Yes/No": Sam and Finn's discussion about synchronized swimming. Sam: "Swimming is sexy!" Finn: (muttering) "Not if its synchronized!"
 * Woman to Sam: "I've never seen big lips like yours on a white guy and one of your nipples is higher than the other!" *Sam crosses arms over chest*
 * Becky's voiceover voice is
 * BOOYA.
 * Sue's congratulatory "I have been bested; I'll just have to call David Boreanaz," speech after Coach Beiste reveals that she and Cooter eloped.
 * The kids try to guess the weeks assignment by sounding out the letters as Schue writes them on the board. "Mmmm...aaa..rrr...y...mm..eee!" "Question mark!"
 * "I taped this to my under-boob. If Kurt had taped it to his junk, we never would've heard the end of it. We'd have had a week of songs about it."
 * I'm gonna be honest here: just the word "under-boob" has this troper laughing.
 * Kurt and Santana's discussion of how to get back at Sebastian for This troper can't decide whether Kurt calling him "Sebastian the criminal chipmunk;" Santana's total Refuge in Audacity suggestion of dragging Sebastian bound and gagged to a tattoo parlour; or her comment that she doesn't want to go to college in a FEMA trailer at a prison is funniest - so just the entire scene. Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, because we see Santana's soft side and her wanting to help Kurt and Blaine and respecting Kurt's dislike of violence and telling him that they will beat Sebastian without resorting to violence.
 * Every time someone asked Sue "with who's vagina?" cracked me up. It was mean, but damn, I did not see that coming.
 * Roz's Reason You Suck Speech right after was just ouch:

"Sugar: Except you, Artie. Your chair moves so your surprise is in the [wastebasket/potted plant] over there"
 * Will's Spanish speaking abilities.
 * Will- "Where are you all gonna be in 30 years?" Rachel and Kurt- "Broadway! Twinsies." What's funny is that when they say "twinsies", they sound so bored.
 * The entire club's reaction to David. Especially Puck, who looks back and forth during David and Santana's performance of "La Isla Bonita", as if he can't figure out who to oggle.
 * I kind of pegged Puck's reaction as him being distracted by the Frickin' Laser Beams. Also absolutely hysterical.
 * It looked like Puck was high and the laser beams were tripping him out.
 * What about when he asked if he could perform before "Sexy and I Know It"? The way Kurt said "Oh God, yes please," and later started pulling at his collar and fanning himself had this troper in stiches.
 * This little part made me laugh- Rachel: Cutest. Sugar: Smile. Artie: Ever (realizes what he just said.)
 * Emma's pamphlets to help Mercedes and Sam: "So You're a Two-Timing Ho" and "So You're Dating a Two-Timing Ho".
 * Heart: Rory and Artie one-upping each other to win over Sugar. Also Sugar hiding presents under everybody's seats. Everybody's.

"Figgins: Believe me, I'd much rather see you and Santana kiss than the so-called Finchel."
 * Puck with chocolate all over his face: "I found mine ten minutes ago."
 * Brittany and Santana's almost kiss scene, when Figgins appears out of no where and yells "TEEN LESBIAAAAAANS." It's funnier than it sounds, trust me.
 * Its short, but when Santana is complaining about the lack of complaints regarding Finn and Rachel kissing, it gives a brief short of her with a look of pure disgust.
 * Also, Figgins' comment immediately afterward:

"Rory: This is a four-leaf clover. I'm going to give t to you, because you need all the luck you can get.
 * Love Shack. The Chewing the Scenery from EVERY SINGLE CAST MEMBER is simply epic.
 * In the same number, Blaine offers Kurt the mic, and he refuses, only to pull out his own microphone.
 * Every scene in the Berry household. The cherry on top is Rachel's routine.
 * Rory realizes that he'll have to compete with Artie over Sugar.

Kurt: Do you people just carry those around?"

"Carole: And once he puts his mind to something, there is no getting him off of it.
 * It might turn out to be less funny later, but Nick's line of, "That's- exactly what it looked liked," is funny due to his utter sarcasm in the face of Dave's complete lack of subtlety.
 * The reveal that Lord Tubbington is addicted to Ecstasy
 * The Berrys and Hudson-Hummels discussing how the Finn-Rachel wedding is a terrible idea. And their plans to stop it.

Hiram: Same with Rachel. At this point, even Patti Lu Pone herself couldn't talk her out of marrying Finn.

Leroy: Barbra could.

Hiram: Maybe Barbra...

Burt: Who's Barbra?

Carole: Streisand.

Hiram: But, since Babs is probably shopping in her private underground mall right now (you know she has her own mall?) Here's what we're gonna do. When the justice of the peace says "Does anybody here object?"

Burt: Yeah, hell yeah! I do!

Hiram: We all say "We do!" with feeeeeeeling. Burt, you will run interference with Finn. Carole, you will distract the Justice of the Peace with your feminine wiles. I will hustle Rachel out the side door and into our waiting car where you, Leroy, will drive (I don't drive) straight to Broadway. And if that doesn't start to get our baby girl back on her career track, I don't know what will. Are we agreed?"

"Burt: If you're gonna do something, do it now.
 * And later.

Hiram: New plan. I'm gonna fake an epileptic seizure.

Leroy: You're not an epileptic.

Hiram: That's why I'm gonna fake it."

"Brittanny: And Quinn, you're still dancing in my dreams. And you can also fly and breath fire."
 * Brad the piano player's silent fist pump when Sue throws Mercedes' phone away and smashes it.
 * Cooper's Acting "Master Class". ALL OF IT. Blaine's increasing exasperation makes it just that much better.
 * "I'm sorry, are you talking to me? I couldn't tell, because you're not POINTING AND SHOUTING!" (paraphrased)
 * In "Saturday Night Glee-ver", Brittany releases a a sex tape of her an Santana, which is kinda funny and kinda creepy. Except she spiced it up by adding clips of Lord Tubbington doing household chores, which makes it hilarious.
 * In "Dance With Somebody", Kurt and Blaine's conversation in Emma's office. While things get serious fast for the two boys, one of Blaine's lines made me literally laugh out loud. It turns out Kurt has been slipping bronzer in Blaine's lotion, because he'd "look better with a little color." Only, it turns out Blaine only uses the lotion on his hands, and "It looks weird when a person just has tan hands, Kurt!"
 * Brittany feels bad about Quinn not being able to dance with her during "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"

"Blaine: Am I hiding behind a bear?
 * "Choke": Kurt's So Bad It's Good performance of "Music Of The Night"
 * To elaborate: While Kurt has a gorgeous voice, he fails completely at conveying the smoldering, dangerous, seductive sexuality that is the hallmark of the stage Phantom. It's just so utterly campy and corny it becomes delightful.
 * And poor Tina, his Christine, keeps having to follow him around the stage looking like a robot because he keeps moving around!
 * Rory and Artie get headaches after "The Rain in Spain" due to excessive head banging.
 * Blaine playing the tambourine on a pizza box during The Rain in Spain struck this troper, but YMMV.
 * Finn's drawing of a bush that looks like a bear.

Finn: It's not a bear, it's a bush.

Blaine: It looks like a bear.

Rory: Maybe it's a shrub."

"Blaine: Oh God, no. No more candles."
 * Kurt thinking of ways to make his performance better, including singing in German and performing in the nude. He also considers adding more candles to the stage.

"Roz: Shannon, write these names down as placeholders: Hat Rack, Asian Horror Movie, Little Oprah, Rojo Caliente, Salsa Caliente."
 * Am I the only one who thinks Roz and Sue are purespun comedy gold team? I cracked up every time both of them were on screen.
 * Roz's nicknames for Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, Sugar and Santana are particulary hilarious.

""I can't attend practice. I have to bail Lord Tubbington out of jail because he pawned my iPod for drugs.""
 * When Roz tells the girls off for the Cell BlockTango this troper almost died laughing.
 * "What're you looking at, Jar Jar Binks?"
 * The Prom theme: Dinosaurs. Brittany was inspired by the new girl Joe, who reminds her of a cavewoman.
 * Mike geeking out seeing all of the dinosaurs.
 * Blaine without hair gel, and everybody's reaction to it.
 * I could not stop laughing every time I saw Finn as Kurt and Puck as Blaine in "Props".
 * Everything about that bit. Artie as Santana and Mercedes as Brittany was my fave.

"Brittany: We could use the wastebasket for a toilet. And we can eat Joe because she's been here the shortest and we know her the least."
 * The flashback of Kurt and Blaine going as Snooki and The Situation for Halloween, complete with the spray-tan.
 * Burt Hummel, Congressman, mechanic, and general awesome dude's graduation present to his son.  Also counts as a massive Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
 * Mercedes jokes that they should just lock the choir room doors and stay there forever.