Touhou/Funny

"Chiyuri: Do as I say, if you value your life.
 * From Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream:

Mima: No. ♥

Chiyuri: ......... *sweatdrop*"

"Chiyuri: You'd better do as I say, if you know what's good for you.
 * Same cutscene, different player character:

Kotohime: Okay, I will! ♥

Chiyuri: Couldn't you show a little resistance?"

"Marisa: ...Princess?
 * Pretty much everything about Kotohime, really. Especially most character's reactions to her.

Rikako: Just go home quietly."

"Marisa: Move and I'll shoot!
 * In Shuusou Gyoku's Extra Stage, when VIVIT encounters Marisa, Marisa's first line is "Shoot and I'll move!"
 * Marisa reprises the line when encountered in Reimu's storyline of Imperishable Night.

Marisa: I messed up. I mean, "shoot and I'll move". In a flash."

"Reimu: Wow, you're strong...
 * And at the end, after VIVIT defeats Reimu:

VIVIT: Well, will you listen to my request now?

Reimu: Guess I've got no choice. ... what are you looking for?

VIVIT: I have to find the "Holy Grail"! And I have to find it today.

Reimu: ... what's that.

VIVIT: You know, that special artifact that's said to have held the blood of the Christ after his crucifixion.

Reimu: ... who's that?

VIVIT: *sob sob sob*"

"Cirno: I'll cryo-freeze you along with some english beef!"
 * Cirno in her first appearance:

"Chen: You can't leave once you wander in.
 * Reimu vs. Chen in Perfect Cherry Blossom:

Reimu: Is that so? By the way, I hear that Mayohiga's items bring you good fortune if you take them home.

Chen: Yeah, that's true...

Reimu: Then let the plundering begin!

Chen: Uh... what!?"

"Alice: So, for what reason do you worry? About yourself.
 * If the dialogue doesn't get you, Chen's face when she says the last line most likely will.
 * Same game, Sakuya vs. Alice:

Sakuya: Because I'm carrying only three changes of clothes. For myself.

Alice: Ah, good reason.

Sakuya: That, and a spare set of knives too.

Alice: Ah, I-- KNIVES?!"

"Alice: Why the stuttering? Just yell at her like you always do. Bitch, get out of the way! Like that.
 * Quite a few bits of dialogue from the Touhou series in general are really amusing. Like this one from Imperishable Night against Reimu:

Marisa: No, don't! We'll be in for it if she gets mad!"

"Marisa: Okay, okay, I give up. You're right. The endless night, stealing the full moon, hiding the human village, and putting hats on stone statues. It's all Alice's fault. Now, bitch, get out of the way!"
 * And then later:

"Marisa: Whew... This is so hot. So hot I could die!
 * From the same game, there's the choice between each branch, which really encapsulate Marisa's ("Go kick Eirin's ass! (Final A) / Blow up everything you can! (Final B)") and Youmu's ("Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final A) / Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final B)") personalities.
 * And again, Alice and Marisa, in Subterranean Animism:

Alice: (Are the dolls okay?)

Marisa: Yeah, but it's so hot I wouldn't be surprised if they burned up.

Alice: (I think the dolls themselves will be fine, but it would be bad if the gunpowder inside caught fire.)

Marisa: Why the hell did you stuff gunpowder in 'em?!"

"Satori: "Before that, let's search the house...." you think. I won't allow that. Please head to the courtyard immediately.
 * The entire MAlice scenario in SA was just one hilarious line after another.

Marisa: Damn!"

"Sanae: True nuclear fusion isn't meant to power hot springs. It's meant to be used to establish a self-sustaining energy source. Do you know where Gensokyo's energy comes from?
 * The discussion of Gensokyo's energy policy in the second chapter of Wild and Horned Hermit. Made even funnier when you remember how ZUN usually draws inspiration.

Reimu: From getting your three square meals a day.

Marisa: And booze.

Sanae: =.="

"Cirno: Huh, all of you really are here.
 * Great Fairy Wars. Just about any conversation among the fairies:

Luna: The three of us are as one!

Sunny: Though a single arrow is broken easily, if you bundle three together...

Star: You'll run out of arrows three times as fast! :D"

"Keine: Tell me, where are you trying to go anyway?
 * The fourth chapter of Strange and Bright Nature Deity. Two words : Stomach Cleaning.
 * This little show of, ehm, teamwork with Reimu and Yukari after beating Keine in Imperishable Night:

Reimu: That way.

Yukari: This way.

Keine: ... If you're after the ones behind the abnormal moon, it's that way.

Reimu: Hah, I was right.

Yukari: Reimu, your finger is off from hers by 70 degrees.

Reimu: But you're off by 110..."

"Flandre: I've been in the basement. For about 495 years.
 * Marisa not quite getting it.

Marisa: That's sweet, I only get weekends off."

"Mamizou: "You... I shall have my revenge upon you! What is your name?"
 * Sanae's final battle in Touhou Hisoutensoku end up with  The funny part is that her opponent is actually  !
 * Most spellcards are named after historical events or items, or supernatural phenomena. Then you get some that are blatantly a Take That against a character the user doesn't like, such as Reimu's "Exorcism of the Newspaper Subscription Solicitors", which consists of a GIANT seal saying "No News Solicitations! (Thank You)", or Mamizou's "Pseudo-Exorcism of the Stupid Shrine Maiden", where she transforms into Reimu and spams her trademark homing bullets... while still having her Tanuki tail!
 * Marisa after fighting and insulting Futatsuiwa:

Marisa: "I'm Reimu Hakurei."

Mamizou: "Marisa Kirisame? I'll remember that."

Marisa: Hey, go after the Miko, not me!""

"Flandre: "Here I am."
 * Even better, it's a Call Back to Marisa's EX stage run in Embodiment of Scarlet Devil. Flandre asks Marisa her name, and then later reveals that she heard everything that happened upstairs earlier in the game when Marisa tries to lie

Marisa: "And you are?"

Flandre: "Before you ask someone else's name..."

Marisa: "Oh, me? I'm Reimu Hakurei. A shrine maiden."

Flandre: "I am Flandre, miss Marisa. (There's no way you could be a shrine maiden.)"

Marisa: "And who are you? (Maybe I should have said nurse?)"

"Miko: "And then before we knew it, the fire spread to the temple. We definitely went overboard that time..."
 * Speaking of EOSD's extra stage, after Marisa beats Flandre, they end up discussing a "famous rhyme". Marisa claims that the "real" song ends with the last Indian getting married (as opposed to hanging herself), and suggests introducing Flandre to Reimu for that purpose.
 * For that matter, the entire Ten Desires extra stage fight is this: Mamizou uses some of the most... interesting danmaku you'll ever see. See for yourself.
 * Miko's third card, where she summons Futo and Tojiko over and over to attack you while not doing a single thing herself. The best part is that Futo and Tojiko will eventually start complaining about it (instead of boasting or threatening you).
 * In Symposium of Post-mysticism, Miko talks about how Futo used to be scared of Buddhist statues, and responded by lighting them on fire.

Marisa: "Uh, that isn't really what you'd call cowardice. (sweatdrop)"

Byakuren: "Maybe I should turn everything to stone for fireproofing. And make the statues stone, too...""