Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking/Newspaper Comics

"Calvin: Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress?
 * Done intentionally in Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin begs his mother:

Mom: No, Calvin.

Calvin: Can I ride my tricycle on the roof?

Mom: No, Calvin.

Calvin: Then can I have a cookie?"

"Calvin: You can never tell if they're listening or not."
 * In psychology this is called the "door in the face" method of bargaining.
 * In an even funnier one, Calvin declared that he wanted to be a radical terrorist and was going to inhale pesticide in order to soften up his mother (who doesn't believe him) before moving in for the kill with "I'm going to watch TV all night!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work. ("That's what you think, buster!")

"Andy: Jason, I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want Mortal Karnage II coming into this house. You have no one to blame but yourself.
 * Bluff called in FoxTrot:

Jason: But...but...

Andy: You're too young for this sort of thing. I mean, look at what it teaches: that human disembowelment is entertainment...that "winners" decapitate their enemies...that carnage is spelled with a "K"...

Jason: I know carnage isn't spelled with a "K".

Andy: The sad part is, that's the least of my concerns."

"Jon: Garfield I have some bad news, I ran out of your favorite cat food
 * In Zits, there was a variation. Jeremy's mother says there's something she wants to talk to him about. He then deadpans several wild guesses, including "You're having a sex change?" and "You and dad are cousins?" She gets increasingly frustrated and finally yells out, "No! We're changing salsa brands!" "...WHAT??"
 * In Far Side, there was one where it showed the Devil in hell leading people into 3 different doors. Door #1 had a sign on it that said "Murderers". Door #2 had a sign saying "Kidnappers". Door #3 had a sign saying "People who drive slow in the fast lane."
 * In one Candorville strip, a psychologist is talking about his experiences with gangs: "I thought I knew the evils of gangs. Drive-bys, carjackings, garish bandanas..."
 * From the title character of Garfield: "Well, King Kong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... but more important, my dish is empty."
 * Another example:

Garfield: I'll survive

Jon: Odie chewed up your scratching post

Garfield: Big deal

Jon: And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie

Garfield: How could he?!"

"Norman: I went snorkeling in the fountain.
 * In Drabble, Norman has to explain to his father Ralph (a mall cop) why he got arrested at the mall.

Ralph: That's not so bad.

Norman: And I jumped up and down on all the beds in the mattress store.

Ralph: A minor infraction.

Norman: And I rode the escalator without holding the handrail!

Ralph: Whoa! Now you're looking at hard time!"

"Nature Police: You're under arrest
 * In "Over the Hedge", RJ upset the balance of nature by making Verne popular. And then the Nature Police show up.

RJ: What for?

Nature Police: Tampering with a loser, humiliation without a license...and jaywalking.

RJ: Jaywalking!? I was Edgar Allen Poe for Halloween...He was my pet raven!"