Sailor Moon Abridged/Funny

"Raye: (In the middle of a theme park, No Indoor Voice as usual) I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!"
 * EVERYTHING Raye says. But especially...

"Raye: CATHOLIC GIRLS TASTE BETTER."
 * Don't forget

"Amy: Oh, she's awake! She'll be okay!
 * Episode 31, after Sailor Moon gets knocked unconscious.

Raye: GOD DAMMIT."

"Raye: DON'T WORRY SAILOR MOON, WE'LL ALWAYS BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
 * Or Episode 31's heartwarming ending:

Serena: Thanks!

Raye: WITH A KNIFE.

Serena: Oh.

Raye: TO STAB YOU.

Serena: I-I get it.

Raye: AND TWIST IT.

Serena: Okay.

Raye: I HATE YOU!!!

Serena: Thanks, Raye!"

"Raye: I'M TRIPPING! Oh, Darien! That was a complete accident.
 * Her plot to make Darien love her:

Darien: Oh, Raye! Thank you for bumping into me like that! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to torture small animals and feed on their blood.

Raye: Oh, let's do it together.

(Imagine Spot ends)

Raye: God if that'd happen, I would just die. Oh. Oh, that sounds good. This is becoming a better idea every second!"

"Amy: Talk to me, Raye. You haven't said anything since I came over.
 * From episode 15/16:

Raye: (speaking at a normal volume) Well, I just sound so funny when I'm sick.

Amy: Oh. Oh my God, you sure do! My eardrums are still intact!

Raye: Sorry, Amy. Jesus must be on my side today.

Amy: Jesus?

Jesus: Yeah?

Raye: I...I don't know! I'm so ill! Amy, make me better! Please!

Amy: Hang in there! We'll get you help."

"Mina:On the first day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; this, like, totally awesome bag by Versace. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-
 * The Christmas Special.

Serena: What do you mean he gave it to you?! He's my boyfriend, you lying whore!

Mina: Uh...

Serena: This is my song now. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; ME! Two stupid space cats-

Mina: Uh, he totally didn't give those to you. Like, one of those was mine, anyway.

Serena: Well, then he gave me two giant cakes, Cheetos, and marshmallows and Oreos-

Raye: OH MY GOD, SHUT THE *honk* UP!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANY LONGER!! MY SONG NOW! ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO GAVE TO ME; THREE GOOD REASONS TO CUT MYSELF, though there was probably more than that, AND A TOTALLY SEXY BAG BY VERSACE. ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME; FOUR FAGGY GENERALS-

Zoicite: Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu

Raye: ...TWO STUPID SPACE CATS AND A SWEET-ASS PAIR OF HEELS BY VERSACE. ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME-

Serena: Fiiiiiiiive Krrrrrrissspy Kreeeeeeemes! Nom nom nom nom nom, three bags of beer nuts, two giant cakes-Oh my God, I'm drooling-and some Versace thing.

Amy: On the sixth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-

Raye: SHUT UP, AMY!!!

Amy: Aww...

Sailor Scouts: five seasons of plot holes-

Lita: Four homo generals-

Raye: All of which will die-

Serena: Two giant cakes, and I can't fit in my new dress by Versace.

Lita: On the seventh day of Xmas, tuxedo mask gave to me; seven rainbow prime crystals, yo-

Amy: Six mischances of speaking up,

Serena: Five Krispy Kremes, nom nom nom nom,

Raye: FOUR FAGGY GENERALS, THREE REASONS TO CUT MYSELF, TWO STUPID SPACE CATS-

Mina: And like, oh my God, did you see this bracelet!? On the eighth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; eight- I can't count that high-

Artemis: Seven tequila slammers-

Amy: I'm still singing you guys...-

Raye: FIVE SACRIFICIAL PYRES-

Mina: Four totally cute generals, three sailor scouts-

Lita: There's totally four of us-

Amy: Five actualy-

Mina: Coat by Versace. On the ninth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-

Raye: THIS SONG IS *honk*ING ENDLESS!! JESUS CHRIST, *honk* THIS SHIT!!!"

"Narrator: Her friend﻿ Carrie becomes a telekinetic blood thirsty psychopa- whoops, wrong show!!!
 * The entirety of the Pokémon-themed Musical Episode.
 * All of the Remix ad, but epically:

Carrie: Sailor Venus!"

"Molly: No, Serena! Go back into your coma, forever!"
 * The voices for Malachite Lapis Lazuli and Zoicite Zultanite in the remix episode
 * Two moments from the episode 7 bloopers:

"Amy: Jesus, please bring my friends back!

Off-screen voice: No."

"Serena: Mr. Chair? If you see Luna, can you tell her that I need her help?
 * This moment in episode 4:

Off-screen voice: Okay."

"Zoicite: I defy physics!"
 * Episode 26/27, especially the part where Zoicite is chasing Luna and Hercules:

"Zoicite: Oh my god! The rats are eating me! Even though I can teleport!"

"* after Rini produces a toy gun from her Luna Ball*
 * This entire exchange from the movie:

Raye: "HOLY SH* honk*, THE TODDLER HAS A GUN! A-* honk* ING-MAZING! HEADSHOT!"


 * gun fires a tiny suction-cup with a banner attached to it that says "Bang" when it hits Serena*

Raye: "AWWW * honk*, SHE'S OKAY? AWWW!"

Rini: * mumbles*

Serena: "Okay, someone's gotta tell me who the * honk* this kid is!

Lita: "Serena, you don't remember?"

Mina: "Yeah! You were in, like, a food coma for the past seven years, and this is your daughter, Rini!"

Serena: "WHAT? How the hell did THAT happen?"

Lita: "Well...y'see...when a man and a woman love each other--"

Mina: "They snuggle!"

Lita: "Yeah. Sure, Mina. You snuggle all the time...

Mina: "Ew, no, I hate snuggling. I just * honk* 'em and leave.""

"Fiore: "We will send out the seed of my flowers!"
 * And this:

Sailor Scouts: "Ewwww!"

Fiore: "And we won't stop until the Earth is covered by my seed!"

Sailor Scouts: "Ewwwww!"

Serena: "Oh my God!

Fiore: "The entire earth will die, suffocated by my seed!"

Serena: "Okay, seriously, you need to stop. Sicko.""

"Serena: "Those pricks didn't read my letter! I'm gonna go there and complain!"
 * From Episode 2:

Luna: "Their address is listed in this newspaper."

Serena: "YOU CAN READ?!?"

Luna: "Serena, if I can talk of course I can read!"

Serena: ".......YOU CAN TALK?!?""

"Serena: Don't cut corners, kids!
 * Episode 17:

Luna: You should talk.

Serena: Shut up, you insensitive bitch, I have a learning disability!"

"Tidus: "Aren't you going to congratulatemeshlebabla YOUR PENIS?"
 * From the Episode 9 Bloopers:


 * That's in the real episode as well.

"Luna: "Lita! Take this stick and do what I say!"
 * From Episode 21

Lita: "I've heard that line before..""

"(skiers start tripping on small hills)
 * Episode 34's got several; these two in particular stick out IMHO:

Skier 1: My ulna!

Skier 2: Your what? Ah, my vulva!

Judgement915: (singing offscreen) And everybody died!"

"Mina: Chad and I totally had sex earlier!

Chad: Mina, I told you to keep that a secret.

Mina: Keep what a secret?

(Cut to a shocked Raye)

Serena: Oh God, she's speechless...

(Art Shift to live-action explosion site)

Everyone: RUN!!

(Explosion)"


 * The Chia Pet ad at the end of episode 28, especially when they promote the "newest Chia Pet, ch-ch-ch-Molly!"

"Raye: I DON'T NEED YOU JESUS!
 * From Episode 31, Raye takes Get a Hold of Yourself, Man! to extreme levels.

(Slaps Serena)

Serena: Ahhhh...! I didn't do anything!

Raye: SHUT UP, BITCH!

(Slaps Serena again)

Serena: Ow! Why did you-

Raye: THREE FOR FLINCHING!

(Slap)

Serena: OWWW!

Raye: MY PIMP HAND IS STRONG!

(Slap)

Serena: Owww...!

Raye: HRRRRRGGGHHH!

(Slap)

Serena: Ohhhhhhh..."

"Molly's mom: Molly, what are you doing?
 * From Episode 19:
 * Zoicite's full laughter. It's contageous!
 * Molly's mom's limited vocabulary.

Molly: (after stealing a crystal) Mama!

Molly's mom: Molly, what are you doing?

Molly: I'm sorry, mama!"

Molly's mom: ...Molly, what are you doing?"

"Lita:' (in a hoarse voice) Damn, I wish I had one of those."
 * Episode 26/27, when they're about to fight Zoicite and Ami falls over, which causes Lita to look under her skirt.

"Raye: Yeah, this is my excited face, BITCH."
 * Episode 29:

"Serena: Oh look, there's ketchup on my hand. Darien must have had a burger! Yum! (slurp) Wait, this tastes like pennies..."
 * In episode 30 Serena slaps the wounded Darien on the back and notices the blood on her hand.

"Ami: Well, I don't see anything unusual.
 * Episode 45:

Raye: I don't see anything unusual.

Lita: I don't see anything unusual, yo.

Mina: Our current environmental surroundings do not deviate from nominal conditions.

Everyone: WHAT?"

""Who's that Pokemon?"
 * From the 36/37 combination episode. After the break of the two parts

Sailor Moon: "IT'S PIKACHU!"

[With a picture of Sailor Moon]: "It's Snorlax"

Sailor Moon: "Aw that's mean!""

"Ditzy Monster: Oh my god! You look just like a Human me!
 * From the season finale:

Sailor Venus: Holy *honk*, you're right.

Ditzy Monster: We should totally be be BFFs!

Sailor Venus: Yeah we should but like, I'm totally not digging your hair, bitch. Venus Crescent Beam Smash!"

"Amy: Raye, why were we missing for most of this episode?
 * This exchange from episode 19:

Raye: BECAUSE WE WAS SMOKING CRACK COCAINE, BITCH!"

"Lita: I call upon the powers of Zeus himself. Infuse me with your heavenly thunder--which actually lightning, but no one seems to notice! Pikachu!"
 * From Episode 24/25:

"Lita: Aw, look at the happy dysfunctional couple, yo.
 * From Episode 46/47:

Serena: Stop making fun of me!

Lita: Okay, I'll make fun of Amy instead. You Amy, nice Planeteers shirt, dawg. You think your *honk*ing Gi or somethin'?

Mina: No, she's the monkey!"


 * From Episode 48/49: The whole "Oh Bloody Night" song!


 * From episode 7: The usage of the theme song to The Magic School Bus whenever the girl-snatching Temple Bus appeared, especially when the sight of the bus approaching to the accompaniment of the song caused Serena to go ballistic.


 * From episode 23:
 * Sailor Mercury singing "pickpocket" to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle as she snatches Greg's wallet.
 * The bypassing of Mercury's friendship speech for Greg.

"Megami: He's never gonna get this.
 * The episode 19 bloopers, full stop.
 * Eric's screw ups come to the fore here. Lampshaded before a difficult line by Megami.

Eric: I got it, I got it! At least say it when I'm out of the room!

(Megami leaves the room)

Megami: (muffled) He's not gonna get it!"

"Lita: Too drunk.
 * From Episode 50:
 * The girls' explanation as to why they didn't tell Serena earlier that they knew Anne cheated her way to becoming Snow White:

Raye: Too drunk.

Amy: Too drunk.

Mina: Ketchup."

"I'm gonna go *honk*ing ape, man! And I wasn't even trying to be *honk*ing funny either, I'm gonna kill someone in a second!"
 * Mina exclaiming, "And they all lived Happily Ever After!" while Snow White is still unconscious.
 * Unless KrisRix got her Amy and Mina voices mixed up, it sounds like Mina tries to correct herself in the third person afterward.
 * Lita's frustration with her monkey costume:

"Lita: You know what they say: bros before hos and I am both of those. I am Sailor Jupiter, bitches!"
 * Serena trying to relax before the play by stuffing her fake witch nose with some cocaine she stole from Amy.
 * Lita's catch phrase of the ep:

"Lita: Hey, look, a clown!
 * This exchange.

Raye: THAT'S MY SUIT!"


 * From Episode 3: Serena orgasming over creme-filled donuts.

"Door Guy: Excuse me miss, do you have an invitation?
 * From Episode 18:

Serena: How dare you ask for an invitation from me! I'll have you know that I'm the star of Megami33's Sailor Moon Abridged! You know, the only good one on YouTube?"