Good Eats/WMG

Deb Dushoun (the "Nutritional Anthropologist") keeps Alton enslaved by her puppet minions.
It's either self-explanatory or too insane to understand. This is why she scares him.

Alton Brown is NOT God.
He is just the owner of the world's only Hammerspace kitchen.
 * Up to and including a variety of tenderizing mallets.
 * What about Mama?

Alton Brown was breathed on by Chuck Norris.
How else can you explain his awesomeness?

Chuck Norris was breathed on by Alton Brown.
Chuck Norris could cause dinosaurs to go extinct, but Alton Brown did it first. Then Alton made a lovely meat pie.

Chuck Norris and Alton Brown are twins.
They breathed on each other numerous times as babies an brothers, contributing to the awesomeness each time. Alton came out slightly on top, though.

Alton Brown is a Time Lord
He even said as much on Twitter.