Loaded Weapon 1

A 1993 spoof movie released under the National Lampoon banner. It was directed by Gene Quintano, whom you may remember for writing a few of the Police Academy sequels. Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson star as Detectives Colt and Luger, in a direct parody of the Lethal Weapon movies, especially that of the Odd Couple, Salt and Pepper, Police Procedural type. The film concerns two cops being paired up, Colt being unhinged after recently losing a loved one and Luger is a stable family man. They go on looking into why Wilderness Girl Cookies are being laced with cocaine. In addition it also features some parodies of The Silence of the Lambs and Basic Instinct.

The film isn't quite as well-received as The Naked Gun when it comes to spoof movies (it has a 14% on Rotten Tomatoes), but it has some spot-on gags and a cult fanbase. It also starred Kathy Ireland, William Shatner, Tim Curry and Jon Lovitz.

"Luger: There's something between you and this General Morters.
 * Actor Allusion: The first time we see Tim Curry he is in womens clothing.
 * The Alcoholic: Colt, due to losing his partner. His typical drink consists of mixing three different types of alcohol and chocolate syrup together. Yum.
 * Acronym and Abbreviation Overload:

Colt: He was my C.O. in 'Nam. CIA listed him as M.I.A., but the V.A. ID'd him and so we put out an APB.

Luger: Oh, I see."

"Asylum Nurse: You know the rules. Do not touch the glass. Do not hand him any sharp instruments, power tools, sawing materials or condiments."
 * All-Star Cast: As mentioned above, this movie has quite a few big names in it, even if some of them debatably made it big after this movie.
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking:

"Leacher: I saw that picture in your wallet.
 * Asian Store Owner: The convenience store at the beginning features three Indian clerks, only one of whom speaks English.
 * Awesome By Analysis: Parodied. Leacher asks Colt and Luger for their identification and they give it; shortly after, he tells Luger that he has a nine year old son and a sixteen year old daughter. Luger, naturally, is furious and demands to know who told him that:

Luger: Oh. (sits back down)."

"Destiny: You have an interesting place. It's much bigger than it looks from the outside.
 * Bait and Switch: After Becker is shot, he asks Luger if he's going to die. Luger says, "It's not bad. You'll be fine. You'll be back on your feet in no time." Cue Becker being zipped up in a body bag and thrown in a truck.
 * Done twice given that
 * Bigger on the Inside: Colt's tiny beach-side trailer home is a spacious mansion inside. This is even lampshaded later in the movie:

Colt: I used light colors to make it look bigger."

"Jigsaw: Don't play coy with me, this is too important. [...]
 * Billing Displacement: At least some video releases have Cameo Bruce Willis' face take up most of the cover.
 * Blatant Lies:

Billy: [shouting] Important enough that anyone within earshot should listen to each and every detail?!

Jigsaw: That important.

Billy: [shouting] And you're talking about the microfilm that holds the recipe for turning cocaine into innocent looking cookies?!

Jigsaw: Yes

Billy: I don't know anything about it."

"Mr. Potato Head: Don't fry me!"
 * Brainless Beauty: The beautiful Destiny literally has nothing between her ears (see In One Ear, Out the Other below.) Doesn't seem to keep her from being Genre Savvy though. Or from knowing a lot about guns.
 * Brick Joke: Early in the film, a woman is describing an assailant to a police sketch artist. The drawing is revealed to be Mr. Potato Head. A few scenes later, in the background, we see two cops arresting Mr. Potato Head.

"Colt: You were a crossing guard?! You guys were all geeks!"
 * Buddy Cop Film
 * By-The-Book Cop: Luger has a flashback to explain why he's so uptight about following police procedure: As a youth, he was a crossing guard, and took a break early. An old lady crossed the street and got hit by a vehicle as a result.

"Coroner: All right. This loser has taken the chicken shit way out and punched her own ticket."
 * Cameo:
 * Emilio's brother Charlie Sheen cameos as a valet.
 * Also, Bruce Willis has a cameo later in the film as John McClane. His mobile home is destroyed by accident because the villains got the address wrong.
 * The film is just loaded with em. Corey Feldman as a rookie cop, Phil Hartman as Officer Davis (the unfunny standup cop), Frank McRae as Da Chief, Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox as Ponch and Jon, Paul Gleason as an FBI officer, James Doohan as Officer Scotty...
 * Catch Phrase: Luger parodies Murtaugh's catch phrase from the Lethal Weapon series by saying, "I'm gettin' too old for this bike-confiscating shit."
 * A non-parody example: General Mortars frequently says his victims are getting sloppy.
 * Chalk Outline: Parodied. When Jigsaw is knocking off the ledge in the climax of the film, he misses his own chalk outline and slides over to lay on top of it.
 * Also, earlier in the film, Luger is investigating his partner being killed. He turns around to walk into another room... only to hit an obscene amount of police tape that is blocking the entire door frame.
 * The Coroner: Dr. Joyce Brothers is the coroner investigating York's killing. In an amusing twist, she's portrayed as surly and insensitive:

"[Luger is yelling about wanting the case]
 * Cover Version: Denis Leary's character sings a lounge version of "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks. It's cut short by the Big Bad storming into his mansion.
 * Cowboy Cop: Colt.
 * Da Chief: As played by Frank McRae in his signature-type role. It's even lampshaded and invoked:

Captain Doyle: Wait a minute! I'm the captain here! I do all the yelling! But if it's that important to you, take the damn case!"

"Billy: Listen, it's nine thirty-si-
 * Dead Partner: Luger's partner York is killed at the beginning of the movie, and is the main reason why Luger takes one more case before retirement.
 * Defeat Means Friendship: They reference the mandatory "Fist fight fixes their interpersonal issues" trope, and even put in mouth guards before going at it.
 * Deleted Scene: When shown on TV, there's some new content. This includes the start of a day at Luger's house (complete with his promiscuous daughter hiding a guy she slept with the previous night), a scene towards the end where Colt has an out-of-body experience, and many more. As with The Naked Gun, these scenes are unfortunately left out of the DVD release.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: Colt: "Well I'm going after Mortars, alone and by myself."
 * Donut Mess with a Cop: After a cop played by Phil Hartman tells some bad jokes, Luger disgustingly remarks, "Make sure he doesn't get any donuts."
 * The Chief has a "Wanted" poster in his office, with the picture being a bunch of donuts.
 * Enemy Mime: In a flashback, Luger hesitates to shoot a mime that's holding York hostage with his finger acting as a gun.
 * Famous Last Words:
 * Five Stages of Grief: Played with. Luger's wife seems to be showcasing the "Denial" stage of grief when it comes to her deceased mother. However, she's actually unaware of it, because Luger forgot to tell her about the death. "Uh oh... did I forget to give you that message?" Luger's wife immediately cries.
 * Foot Popping: When Colt and Destiny kiss, both lift one of their legs. However, the longer it goes, both also raise the OTHER leg as well, thus defying gravity.
 * Fridge Logic: In-universe example: After Jigsaw repeatedly shoots York and extracts information from her, he prepares to exit and notices a blind man sitting by the door. He says, "And you, remember: You saw... nothing." Yeah, but he still heard everything important!
 * Fun with Subtitles: During the climax, Colt sneaks into the villain warehouse and two German, Nazi-esque guards exchange small talk, complete with subtitles. However, after they leave the scene, the subtitles remain, and Colt trips on them like they're part of the scenery.
 * Towards the beginning, the subtitles state the obvious when showing York's house: "Night. A house."
 * In the same scene:

[A subtitle clock appears, Billy sees the time changes from 9:36 to 9:37]

Billy: Oh. Nine thirty-seven."

"Answering Machine: You've reached the desk of Sgt. Wes Luger. Please leave a message after the beep.
 * Funny Answering Machine: More like smart answering machine:

Billy: Yeah, Wes? It's me, Billy.

Answering Machine: Hey! I said after the beep!"

"Becker: Whoa whoa whoa, I don't know nothin', I didn't see nothin', I didn't say nothin'.
 * Funny Background Event: Look closely at the framed pictures in the police captain's office. There are a few pictures of donuts. This ties in with Donut Mess with a Cop, of course.
 * Genre Savvy: Destiny may be the Brainless Beauty but she's smart enough to be worried about the Disposable Woman trope, and rightfully so since she gets shot. Happily she gets better.
 * Gigantic Gulp: In the beginning, a boy walks out of the convenience store lugging a huge drink called "Turbo Chug".
 * The Glasses Gotta Go: In addition with Letting Her Hair Down, the actress playing the role changes.
 * Going by the Matchbook
 * Grammar Nazi: Luger and Becker have this exchange:

Luger: "Nothing". The word is "nothing", not "nothin'". There's an -ing on the end of it, "nothing".

Becker: OK, nothinG. NothinG. NOTHIIIIIIIIING. 'K, you happy?

Luger: That's better. But that's not what you told York.

Becker: I don't know no York, and where's my food?

Luger: We ate it. And please, no double negatives.

Becker: Sorry. I don't know ANY York."

"Colt: "Nice weather"? You think we're having NICE weather?! I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don't FEEL burned out by the human misery and despair, perpetrated by every criminal vermin that infests every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that SHATTERS your heart and RIPS at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. ...what flavor Icee you got today?"
 * Gross Up Close-Up: Pre-Kathy Ireland Destiny with spinach in her teeth.
 * Gun Porn: At the beginning in the convenience store, Colt opens a magazine and is shown unraveling a centerfold, whispering "Oh baby..." It's revealed that he's looking not at a picture of a woman, but a long gun.
 * Later Destiny comes on to Colt using verbal Gun Porn, explicitly comparing herself to a gun.
 * Hair-Trigger Temper: Colt, when asked a simple pleasant question such as "Hello hello, how are you? Nice weather we are having today?" by the convenience store clerks in the beginning:

"Colt: Nice drivin'.
 * Hand Wave: There's a scene in the movie where Colt and Luger are driving in a car. Suddenly, Luger notices that two thugs are in their backseat. After trying to play it cool, Luger does a 180 in the car and when the camera cuts back to the interior of the car, the thugs are gone.

Luger: Thanks."

"Jigsaw: [Holding Colt hostage] Drop your gun, Mr. Luger!
 * Heel Face Turn:
 * Hey, It's That Guy!: Numerous instances. Aside from Samuel L. Jackson in the starring role, a year before his breakout performance in Pulp Fiction, there's William Shatner as the villain, Tim Curry ("I'm a sweet transvestite!") as his henchman, and cameos by familiar faces like Scotty, Charlie Sheen and Phil Hartman.
 * Hollywood Silencer: Jigsaw shoots York with a silencer. Quite a few times.
 * Hostage Situation: Parodied right down to the clichés:

Luger: I don't have one.

Jigsaw: You're not carrying a weapon?

Luger: I don't believe in them.

[Jigsaw kicks a spare pistol over to Luger]

Jigsaw: Pick up the gun.

[Luger looks confused, picks the gun up]

Jigsaw: Drop the gun, Mr. Luger!"

"Colt: Who are you?
 * Parodied again a few seconds later with a Colt's ex-partner being held hostage by a mime using his hand.
 * Hot Librarian: Parodied. When Destiny debuts in the movie, she's got an ugly hairstyle, glasses, a nerdy voice, and bad teeth. But when she decides to let her hair down, there's a jump cut and suddenly she's Kathy Ireland, looking far more attractive.
 * Hypocritical Humor: Demonstrated when Becker asked Destiny, "You need help shaving your legs?" Colt snapped: "Show a little respect!... (to Destiny) So how many men have you slept with?"
 * I Am Your Worst Nightmare: An exchange between Jigsaw and Colt:

Jigsaw: I... am your WORST nightmare.

Colt: No, waking up without my penis is my WORST nightmare.

Jigsaw: (beat) OK, all right, so I'm not your WORST nightmare, but I'm RIGHT up there."

"Woman: Captain, you can't seriously be thinking of using this man?! He's dangerous. A menace. A loose cannon. A walking time bomb. Most of all, he is gun happy.
 * I Resemble That Remark: This scene in the film demonstrates this perfectly:

Colt: (pulls out a gun and points it at her head) Where do you get off saying that?!"

"The Chief: Don't be so fast to thank me on this Luger, because you gonna be naked on this one! It's on the line for you! People are gonna be watchin'! You blow it, you're goin' down! You screw up, you're gonna be hung out to dry! You drop the ball, you gonna be left twistin' in the wind! If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs! Is that clear?!
 * I'm Cold... So Cold...: Destiny in the climax. She says this after being shot; Colt looks down to see she has two large bags of ice on her feet for some reason.
 * Incredibly Obvious Bomb: Colt finds a bomb at the docks because it's heard ticking.
 * In One Ear, Out the Other: Destiny sexily asks Colt to blow in her ear. When he does so we get an echoey sound and the hair covering Destiny's other ear visibly sways in the breeze. Cue Aside Glance from Colt.
 * Info Dump: Played with. When Jigsaw questions York about the whereabouts of the microfilm, York says: "You're talking about the microfilm that holds the recipe for turning cocaine into innocent-looking cookies?... I don't know anything about it."
 * Is This Thing Still On?: Colt and Luger open up to each other about breast feeding, not realizing their police radio is on. People all around the world, including some astronauts in space, hear their conversation.
 * Jurisdiction Friction: Seen briefly in a scene. Colt and Luger search an apartment building for York's contact and run into Paul Gleason, who tells them to beat it, as it's an FBI case. However, when they explain they're there for the York case instead, he says, "Get your shit together, will ya? That's Becker, 403."
 * Key Under the Doormat: Played straight. Colt is able to enter the villain warehouse by finding a key under the mat.
 * Lampshade Hanging
 * Last Kiss: Parodied. Destiny begs Colt for one last kiss before she dies. However, she's bleeding from the mouth. A reluctant Colt says, "It might not be a good idea... got a touch of the flu." However, he eventually gives in and kisses her, but not before wiping her mouth first.
 * Literal Minded: While investigating an apartment building, Colt and Luger find a man in a hat running down the hall. Luger shouts, "HEY YOU!" The man stops, and Luger says, "Not so fast." The man begins a slow walk. Luger says, "That's better."
 * Lock and Load Montage: Colt prepares for a raid of the villain's warehouse by suiting himself up with tons of guns, Rambo style. However, he is carrying so many guns that he can't walk without falling over from their weight.
 * Made of Explodium: The bikes that Colt and Luger confiscate for police business explode for no apparent reason. Made even funnier by the fact that Luger promises the kids he took the bikes from that they'd take good care of their bikes. Cue explosion.
 * Also happens even more improbably when Colt flicks a cigarete butt into the sea at the start of the film.
 * Meaningful Echo: When Colt and Luger are investigating the case, Colt says Luger's more interested in playing by the book than of cracking the case. Luger protests that he's not going to make up the rules as he goes. In the climax, Mortars has Colt at gunpoint and gloats that Luger won't shoot him, because he plays by the book. Luger remarks, "Sometimes, general, you make the rules up as you go." and shoots Mortars dead.
 * Metaphorgotten:

Luger: [confused] Everything but the pants-fig thing."

"Luger: Didn't you DIE?
 * Mexican Standoff: The climax features villain Mortars and Jigsaw pointing a gun at Colt, while Destiny points a gun at Mortars.
 * Mood Whiplash: After Colt's lengthy rant (see Hair-Trigger Temper above), he immediately asks what flavor Icee the store has today.
 * Mook Chivalry: Colt fights off a line of bad guys, who are waiting patiently in line including a ticket machine.
 * Motor Mouth: The police captain (played by Frank McRae).
 * Negative Continuity: Becker is shot and put in a body bag halfway through the movie. However, by the time of the Basic Instinct parody, he's alive and well. Luger even calls attention to this:

Becker: I thought this was the sequel."

"Colt: I know what you're thinkin', punk: You're thinking, "Did he fire 173 times, or 174?" Well, do you feel lucky, PUNK?"
 * Additionally, Destiny is seemingly killed during the climax, only to show up in perfect health at the very end.
 * No One Should Survive That: Numerous instances already mentioned on the page, but one that hasn't is Colt jumping off a tall bridge in an attempt to land on the villain's passing car, but landing face-first on the pavement instead. He makes a nice clean indent in the pavement and, after a few seconds, gets up, mildly irritated but having no visible injuries. Of course, it is a spoof movie, so...
 * Nobody Poops: Averted, as Luger is shown on the toilet.
 * Non-Human Sidekick: Early in the film, Colt mourns the loss of his partner, named Claire. However, it's revealed that Claire is actually a dog.
 * One Last Job: Luger is days from retirement when he takes the York case.
 * Paper-Thin Disguise: Jigsaw in the beginning. He's dressed up as a Wilderness Girl (basically a lawyer-friendly version of the Girl Scouts), but he has a thin beard, is tall, and doesn't make any attempt to disguise his male voice. Somehow, he still manages to gain entrance to York's house despite the horrible disguise.
 * Pixellation: When Paul Gleason as the FBI agent arrests a suspect in his case, he's led away with a giant dot covering his face.
 * Plot Hole: Ever wonder why Colt is suddenly carrying a teddy bear as he runs after Jigsaw halfway through the film? In the extended cut, he won the teddy bear in marksmanship while pursuing Jigsaw. One wonders why they couldn't leave that one bit in so that scene made more sense.
 * Because then it would make more sense. Its a spoof, after all.
 * Pre-Mortem One-Liner: A parody of the famous Dirty Harry line is heard in the beginning before Colt prepares to blow away one of the thugs. However, he doesn't actually kill the thugs because the microwave in the convenience store dings, letting him know his sandwich is done.

"Leacher: Quid pro quo, Mr. Colt.
 * Pretentious Latin Motto: Parodied when Colt and Luger first meet Dr. Leacher:

Colt: ...What does that mean?

Leacher: It means I'm pretentious."

"Colt: Not Mary O'Brien, the buck-toothed, freckled-faced, pigtailed little girl I knew in the fifth grade?
 * Product Placement: Luger blatantly plugs Head and Shoulders shampoo a couple times in the film.
 * Put Down Your Gun and Step Away: Parodied and invoked. Jigsaw has a gun pointed to Colt's head, and Luger bursts in. Jigsaw orders Luger to throw down his gun or he'll shoot Colt. Luger says he doesn't have a weapon on him, because he doesn't believe in them. Jigsaw kicks a gun towards Luger and orders him to pick it up. As soon as he does, Jigsaw orders him to drop the gun.
 * Rapid-Fire Comedy
 * Scout Out: As the Girls Scouts is copyrighted, the organization in the film is named Wilderness Girls instead.
 * Sequel Hook: Played with in the movie itself. After the climax, the police captain urges Luger to reconsider his retirement, and Luger agrees only if Colt is his partner. The captain thinks it can be arranged, and Colt and Luger say simultaneously: "Sequel."
 * Serious Business: At the start of the film, two men walk up to the convenience store clerks with nylons and one of them calmly asks, "Excuse me. Do you have any of these in taupe?" When the clerk says no, one of the guys says, "And you call THIS a convenience store?!" and both proceed to put on robbing masks, demanding cash or they'll shoot the clerks dead. Apparently, not having taupe nylons is their button.
 * It should be noted their robbing masks *are* the non-taupe nylons.
 * Shaking Her Hair Loose: Parodied. A plain, dowdy woman unties her hair and when she looks up she's played by a completely different actress.
 * She Is All Grown Up: Parodied. When Colt and Luger go to the Wilderness Girls headquarters to talk to Destiny, a woman is waiting for them but at first, we only see her from the back. The following exchange occurs:

Woman: (woman is shown from the front; she matches Colt's description except she's an adult) No I'm not. May I help you?"

"Cop: Good thing they were falling in slow motion or we would've missed this."
 * Sheet of Glass: Parodied. In the climax, Colt kicks a series of henchmen through glass that just happens to be carried by at the right time. However, during one instance, the glass carriers aren't quite ready yet, so they tell the henchman to stop being knocked back until they get into position. When they're ready, the henchman restarts his fall into the glass.
 * Shout-Out: Becker mentions Hot Shots when Colt tries to disarm the dock bomb.
 * Slow Motion Fall: Parodied when Wes and Colt throw themselves out a window during a fight and fall from the second story. The police that were watching the fight make their way downstairs--and actually beat them there before the two hit the ground. This was even lampshaded.

"Colt: So what are you doing here?
 * Smoking Hot Sex: Colt and Destiny hop into bed together, and the camera pans left to a clock. A minute later, the camera pans back to Colt and Destiny naked in bed, smoking cigarettes. However, it's later revealed that they didn't actually have sex; they just smoked cigarettes in bed.
 * Spiritual Successor: To the ZAZ spoofs.
 * Staying Alive: Jigsaw is seemingly killed twice during the climax: first by being thrown off a ledge, and later by being shot and falling into a vat of gasoline. The same goes for Mortars, who is shot in the chest by Destiny and is later shot dead by Luger.
 * Stillborn Franchise: Apparently, a sequel was planned, but the first movie only made $28 million at the box office, so the plans were scrapped.
 * Stock Footage: Colt enters the sewers to make it on the other side of a fence to the villain's warehouse. Before finding the right exit manhole, he comes across a room which houses the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles playing Trivial Pursuit, which is footage from the 1990 film.
 * Stuff Blowing Up: Colt nonchalantly throws a lighted match on the floor of the villain warehouse at the end, causing the place to explode.
 * Also, in the middle of the movie, a bomb causes Colt and Luger's car to explode. They weren't in it, though.
 * Don't forget the taxi.
 * And the bikes.
 * And the boat.
 * Super Senses: Dr. Leacher is able to know what kind of aftershave Luger wears, as well as what he ate for lunch, just by sniffing. He's not even that close to him, either.
 * Sustained Misunderstanding: Between Colt and Destiny:

Destiny: Waiting for you.

Colt: I mean, what brought you here?

Destiny: A taxi.

Colt: Yeah, but why?

Destiny: My car's in the shop.

Colt: (gets out a large sign and reads it) "I mean, why the hell did you come here?""

"Colt: She was suppose to met you here the night she died... why?
 * Earlier in the film is another example:

Becker: This is where I live...

Colt: Yeah, but why you?

Becker: Because the other guy couldn't come up with the security deposit."

"Colt: I just gotta ask: What does human flesh taste like?
 * Take That: One of the methods of torture on the wall in the maximum security prison is a VHS copy of the box office bomb Howard the Duck.
 * Tastes Like Chicken: Played straight during the Silence of the Lambs parody:

Dr. Leacher: Chicken."


 * Think Nothing of It: Parodied. Colt takes care of the thugs who tried to rob the convenience store in the beginning, but is nevertheless shouted at by the Indian clerks for causing massive damage to their store during the shootout. However, Colt is ignorant of their anger (partially because they're shouting in another language that he doesn't know), and replies, "Nah, don't thank me. I'm just a cop, doing his job."
 * Those Wacky Nazis: Near the end of the film two Wehrmacht/SS soldiers randomly show up as part of the Mooks guarding Mortars' base.
 * Throw It In: Dr. Leacher falling flat on his face while restrained was not performed by a stuntman. This is the actual actor accidentally falling down and hurting himself. The director found it too funny to pass up and included it in the movie.
 * Toilet Humour: In a scene parodying the toilet bomb part of Lethal Weapon 2, Colt goes into Luger's house because he fears he might be in danger. Colt kicks open the bathroom door to find Luger on the toilet. He asks, "What's wrong?" Luger, confused, says, "...Nothing. Takin' a shit." A flush is heard soon after.
 * Toplessness From the Back: While at Destiny's trailer, we get a scene of Emilio Estevez nude from the rear. Colt states that this is "so that the film can get a PG-13 rating".
 * Turn in Your Badge: The badge isn't turned in, but Colt and Luger are ordered off the case because the captain thinks their theory is crazy.
 * Unexplained Recovery: At the end.
 * Visual Pun: During the Basic Instinct parody, "Gratuitous beaver shot", where Destiny briefly turns into an actual beaver.
 * Wire Dilemma: Played straight at first when Colt has to disarm the dock bomb. However, it quickly becomes ridiculous when snipping the wires has various unintended effects, such as shutting down the nearby houseboat lights and causing a city-wide blackout.