Group of Weirdos

""Yeah, saying things out loud tends to show you how ridiculous they are. For instance, our group of idiots and monsters are going to take down the lord of all evil and his armies of undead and powerful minions all by ourselves with the help of several seemingly amnesiac sages and a ninja. To do so we must gather several medallions that serve no purpose other than to fill up the quest log to show what we've done so far and ransack ancient temples for new gear. We recruit the minions that we have defeated, proving that their power is inferior to our own, and yet bring them along anyway. When I say all that out loud, I know that we're a group of weirdos.""

- Gohma, summing up the entire fanfic in a nutshell

Group of Weirdos is a comedy fan-fiction by Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs, about The Legend of Zelda series. It is a retelling in which Link is an idiot, but the main attraction and source of the name is that each of the defeated bosses joins his entourage over the adventure, each with their own personalities and... flaws. There are currently two completed stories in the series,Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, and a third one, based on Twilight Princess, is currently being updated here.

Tropes present in this work: ""I'm going to call you Kae Gae."
 * The Alcoholic: Great Deku Tree.
 * Amusing Injuries
 * Arc Words: "You heard me".
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: During the final battle with Majora, the different things Majora's Wrath does:
 * Art Evolution: Mr. Light Chicken Bulb's skills have been improving as the fic goes on. The early chapters contain quite a few errors and are less imaginative, but the later ones are amazing, aside from the constant misuse of "passed" as "past".
 * Berserk Button: Harming Barinade's Megaton Hammer, depriving King Dodongo of money or calling him "Kingy", and calling Bongo Bongo ugly. Just about anything can set off Zelda, too.
 * Big Damn Heroes:  in part 9 of Twilight Princess.
 * Biological Mashup:
 * Book Ends: For both the Ocarina of Time story and both stories combined.
 * Near the beginning of Ocarina of Time, Link has a conversation with Kaepora Gaebora that ends with "What?" "You heard me." The series ends in exactly the same way, minus the explanation, which is different.
 * The "You heard me" also counts as a bookend for the entire series, as Link yells it right before dealing the final blow to Majora.
 * At the end of Majora's Mask, Link tries to reverse it and pull the whole explain-the-whole-plot-of-the-next-story-then-respond-to-"What?"-with-"You heard me." on Kae Gae, but Kae Gae is the master of that and heard every word.
 * Also near the beginning of Ocarina of Time, Link argues with Kaepora Gaebora over what to call him, eventually settling on Kae Gae. In the near-final part of Majora's Mask,  has a very similar argument...except it ends with the following Crowning Moment of Funny:

Kaepora: "THEN I AM DUBBING YOU PATRICK."

"Patrick sounds nice." *dodges Kaepora's talon* "Now that was just rude.""

"Odolwa: "Three little maids from school are we, pert as a school girl well can be, filled to the brim with girlish glee...""
 * Boss Subtitles: Pretty funny descriptions, too.
 * Butt Monkey: Morpha, Morpha, and Morpha.
 * Link as well, but justified as most of his abuse springs from his own stupidity.
 * Ganondorf evolves into this over time.
 * After temporarily taking over as leader, Odolwa becomes an [Up to Eleven even bigger]] Butt Monkey than Morpha. Subverted later when Link takes over again and Odolwa returns to normal (or as normal as he can be).
 * Characterization Marches On: Most of the bosses start out as somewhat flat, but develop parts of their personality over time, often via interaction with Link, the other bosses, and the enviroment. Barinade in particular went from fairly generic to one of the best characters in the story.
 * Companion Cube: Don't try to take Barinade's Megaton Hammer. Just... don't.
 * Crowning Moment of Awesome: During the final battle against Ganon,
 * During the penultimate battle, Phantom Ganon managing to hold out in Boss Tennis against the real Ganondorf.
 * Crowning Moment of Funny: Listing them all would take up about 95% of this page...
 * Cursed with Awesome:  is "sued" and his punishment is being transformed into an eyeball, and allowed to create a body for himself of whatever he wants and living for a thousand years.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Gohma.
 * Death by Materialism: King Dodongo stays behind in Ganon's collapsing lair to retrieve a golden statue that fell nearby.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: "Stop hurting me! It hurts so much when you do!"
 * The Ditz: Link.
 * Dreadful Musician: Morpha's attempt at singing a song in Majora's Mask is simply priceless.
 * Apparently Ganondorf is a horrible pianist.
 * Dumbass Has a Point: Despite being overly stupid, Link will sometimes either have a smart moment (sometimes accidental, sometimes deliberate) or make an amazingly specific guess as to what happens next.
 * The Drag Along: Morpha, and to a much greater extent Gyorg, who never actually Heel Face Turned and is literally being dragged along against his will.
 * Fastball Special: Literally, much to Morpha's chagrin. Barinade even refers to Morpha as his "secondary weapon" toward the end of Majora's Mask.
 * Freudian Slip: Even in recent chapters, the author has a tendency to misspell "hookshot" as "hookshit".
 * Although an ackedknowledgement of this very page's existence from Mr. Bulbs himself suggests it isn't an accident.
 * Genre Savvy: Phantom Ganon.
 * Good Guy Bar: Dodongo's Tavern. They ended up being forced to sell it to Gibdos, though.
 * Has Two Mommies: Ganondorf refers to Kotake and Koume as 'Mom' and 'Mother', respectively.
 * Heel Face Revolving Door: Koume and Kotake start as an enemy, then seemingly join up with the heroes for no reason. Then it turns out they were trying to trick Link into a trap Ganon had set. Then they decide that they don't like Ganon's attitude and that they should punish him.
 * Heel Face Turn: All of the bosses, obviously. Some are not as willing as others...
 * Idiot Hero: This incarnation of Link is one.
 * Implacable Man: The Iron Knuckles are completely unstoppable, even by Ganon..
 * Also, nothing will stop the Postman from making his deliveries. He even gets Boss Subtitles when he attacks Link for being in the way.
 * The Unkillable Tektite survives being eaten by Gohma! Subverted when Volvagia seems to get rid of it for good.
 * Yet another, the Gerudo guards. Link tears the heart out of one and she still gets back up.
 * Incredibly Lame/StealthPun: In addition to Navi, Link's team gets Saria's Talkative Loon fairy, who is called Gate. Think about those two names for a sec.
 * Insane Troll Logic: Link concluding that blue flames will melt red ice to form a purple liquid. He actually turns out to be half-right; it forms a green liquid.
 * Invisible Anatomy: Gohma has no mouth, but can still talk, eat, and even perform mouth-to-mouth resusication. Link is determined to figure out how she does all this.
 * Jerkass: Navi, Tatl, and most of the bosses.
 * From the looks of things so far, Twilight Princess Link is set to be more this and less Idiot Hero.
 * Kill It with Fire: Fire causes Gyorg to shrink down to about the size of a large dog. (Well, he's got to join the party somehow... It will be interesting to see how Twinmold works.)
 * Large Ham: I AM BARINADE!
 * Meta Guy: Odolwa evolved into this over time, constantly reading from the game's script and announcing whenever Link gains a new item.
 * Money Fetish: King Dodongo.
 * Mr. Vice Guy: As mentioned above, King Dodongo is greedy and a relentless businessman. When money isn't involved, however, he's surprisingly nice and actually quite considerate of others.
 * Mundane Utility: Link uses the Master Sword to open up locks that they can't find the key for.
 * The Napoleon: Morpha. Usually quite powerless, but he gets a few Who's Laughing Now? moments when he has a source of water.
 * Non Sequitur Thud: Odolwa gets a good one.

""Link was silent. Navi was silent. Tatl was silent. Argorok was silent. Davy Jones was silent.""
 * Noodle Incident: Whatever happened to Navi's previous companion Doug in the Lost Woods.
 * Only Sane Man: Phantom Ganon tends to be this.
 * Out with a Bang: Female fairies, as a rule, rip their partners to shreds during mating season.
 * Psycho Lesbian: Due to Navi taking the Zora's Sapphire instead of Link, Ruto is bent on finding and marrying Navi regardless of how Navi feels about it.
 * Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: The whole idea of this fic.
 * Red Oni, Blue Oni: While neither of them are exactly stable, the blue Twinmold is a bit more rational than his red counterpart.
 * The Rival: Volvagia, to King Dodongo.
 * Running Gag: Quite a few. One notable one is that whenever Link tries to use his ocarina, he plays the Bolero of Fire. This occurs before he even learns the song, once.
 * And he does it again
 * Before Link gets the Ocarina of Time, he'll insult the Fairy Ocarina and get hit by something Saria catapults.
 * When Zelda/Sheik gets mad and yells at Link, everyone will be described as being silent, including characters not even in OOT.

""Kalle Demos was VERY LOUD!""
 * Subverted on one occasion:

"Ruto: "Who are you?"
 * Link Completely Missing the Point, such as when he reaches Ganon's Castle in the future. Instead of noticing the lava moat and the giant castle floating over it, he sees that a rock has moved and is therefore evil.
 * Characters (usually Gohma) knocking Link out. Sometimes he even knocks himself out.
 * Link being extremely slow on the uptake. Then again, he's the Too Dumb to Live Idiot Hero and The Ditz.
 * Strategy guides will usually be pulled out or referenced when asked where to go, usually by Navi.
 * In Ocarina of Time, people telling Link the entire plot of the game. When he asks what they just said they'll reply with 'You heard me'.
 * Samus Is a Girl: Goht is, specifically.
 * Sequence Break: Link insists on going to the Spirit Temple ahead of time, and turns back when he can't complete it.
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial: A couple of characters do this.
 * Throw the Dog a Bone: After being the Butt Monkey since his first appearance, Morpha finally gets a break:
 * Title Drop: In one early part of Ocarina of Time.

Link: "A group of weirdos." *Gohma hits him over the head and knocks him out.*"


 * Token Evil Teammate: Ganondorf, all the way.
 * Gyorg may have even larger shades of this, given that he still attacks Link whenever possible. And not because of his stupidity.
 * Too Dumb to Live: Link, naturally. He walks through a fire trap rather than deactivate it, holds bombs until they blow up, and gets his head stuck in a bottle.
 * The Unfought: Subverted; King Dodongo joined up with them without any sort of fight, but later on battled them anyway when they tried to take some of his money to pay for the Biggoron's Sword. They even "fell into his old office" when the fight began, and he got his own Boss Subtitles.
 * Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Subverted. Most people freak out at the sight of Link's party, but some don't seem to be phased at all.
 * Played straight in Majora's Mask.
 * Verbal Tic: THE GREAT BARINADE cannot use the pronoun "I" without adding ", BARINADE," to it.
 * Viewer Gender Confusion: In-universe. Link is genuinely unaware if Queen Gohma is male or female.
 * Subverted near the end of Majora's Mask where he figures it out.
 * Villains Out Shopping: When Link's group first goes to Lon Lon Ranch, they find Ganondorf there... ordering a cheeseburger from its restaurant.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: Odolwa and Gyorg seem to form an exaggerated Type 2 relationship after the events of Majora's Mask, as they are seen travelling together in Twilight Princess but still appear to hate each other.
 * What Could Have Been: The author actually adds a section with this exact trope as its title near the end of Majora's Mask, stating ideas that were cut, such as:
 * Goht was originally going to fix the problems in the mountains.
 * Bongo Bongo would have a conversation with Kaepora Gaebora reminding us that he is still pretty damn evil.
 * Some, if not all, of the bosses from Ocarina of Time would be killed off, including Morpha drowning...somehow.
 * What Does This Button Do?: While trying to open the Gerudo Fortress gates, Link finds a panel absolutely filled with buttons and levers. He randomly presses one button, opening the gate. He then stupidly presses every single button and pulls every single lever. This launches missiles, electrocutes guards, and turns the fortress into a giant robot.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: Volvagia getting into an 'epic' fight with an Ice Keese.
 * On the same note, Link's epic struggle with a floating tile in the Fire Temple.
 * Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Odowla is afraid of ghosts, making bringing him through Ikana very difficult. It only delays his item announcement, however. No force can stop that.
 * Subverted with Bongo-Bongo's tendency to avoid Gyorg, leading people to believe he's afraid of fish.