Wall Banger (Darth Wiki)/Star Trek the Next Generation


 * ...Sometimes, it's amazing that this series even had a chance to be as good as it was in season six with all the rampant Wall Bangers flying around in season one.
 * "The Naked Now" is the supreme Wall Banger episode in the hit-and-miss first season. The inhibition-destroying disease from the original series episode "The Naked Time" hits the Enterprise-D. During the story, Dr. Crusher is somehow unable to recognize a dangerous disease with a known history, nor does she find it in her medical database; but Commander Riker finds it in Kirk's archived Captain's Logs, which are more than 70 years old. This implies that Dr. McCoy or Starfleet Medical kept terrible records. And that is nothing when you consider that Data gets drunk off of the molecule! A sentient machine, made (mostly) of metal and plastic with a positronic brain categorically different from our own, gets drunk off of a molecule that itself only causes drunkeness because of its similarity to the alcohol molecule. The whole "Riker found what Doctor Crusher didn't" is nothing compared to that.
 * Pointed out by the Captain and handwaved by Data. "Data: I have pores. Humans have pores. I have fingerprints. Humans have fingerprints. My chemical nutrients are like your blood. If you prick me, do I not... leak?"


 * By the way, Data doesn't leak: if you chop off his arm he has a snarl of wiring and metal "bones" — with empty gaps of air in between. And if you rip off or cut his skin, it just flaps there like wrapping paper, revealing the circuitry underneath. So the Trek writers accomplished the impressive feat of making even a handwave that didn't make sense actually contradict canon.
 * Not to mention the mutation that caused the disease to increase the libido of the crewmembers, or something. In "The Naked Time" it lowered inhibitions -- Riley, proud of his Irish ancestry, imagines himself as a old High King singing love songs; Sulu, who fancies himself a fencer, becomes one of The Three Musketeers; Spock, forever forced to bury his emotional side has it come to the surface leading to him losing control and weeping; Nurse Chapel admits her love to a man who can never return it; finally, Kirk, burdened by his position of Captain, breaks down and admits the enormous pressures he's under and how being around Yeoman Rand is painful. What happens in "The Naked Now"? "You're kinda hot, let's have sex!"
 * However, there is a potential justification for this: The virus MUTATED. As it did, its effect must logically be altered somehow, causing a slightly different effect in most of its victims. Still doesn't excuse most of the stupidity, but at least makes this part potentially less stupid. Of course, this merely shifts the blame to the writers, who choose "Drunk people are funny" over "Let's explore the characters in depth, it'll be a good plot device to familiarize the viewers with these new characters."
 * In "Datalore", it's understandable for Lore to be dismissive of Wesley to slip up his disguise. But the crew is dismissive as well, causing Wesley to basically shout it out to them! And even that fails. The crew's, and especially Picard's, disbelief is inexplicable, since all Lore would need to do to impersonate Data is incapacitate him and switch outfits... which is exactly what he had done, and what he would eventually do again.
 * It's even worse than that because Picard had sent Wesley specifically to check on Lore and Data and see if something was amiss. Why send someone to check if something is wrong if you're just going to dismiss them when they say they saw something wrong?!
 * "Genesis": an "evolution" disease causes the crew to mutate into various creatures whose blueprints were still in our "junk DNA." Barclay turns into a spider - which shouldn't be in the DNA of anyone with a spine. Suggestion is made that Picard, Riker and Barclay (all theoretically human) don't share a common evolutionary ancestor: Picard was turning into a lemur, Barclay into a spider, and Riker into, um, Riker (Okay, an early hominid, but really, if you're going to turn one crew member into a spider, Riker should at least turn into one of the other great apes). A cat has kittens while turning into an iguana.
 * In "Loud as a Whisper," the great negotiator that the Enterprise is transporting is deaf and speaks through a telepathic chorus of aides. But, throughout the episode, people address him when he isn't looking by calling his name, and people speak directly to him with no-one else present, and he responds. That could have made sense if they meant mute -- but they go to a lot of trouble to explain how he cannot process any sound.
 * Worf's big bad-ass sash is so shiny that in the Laser-Guided Amnesia episode, everyone logically reasoned that Worf must be the captain because he has the prettiest uniform. Hurrah for cultural diversity! But, Starfleet protocols forbid Bajorans to wear iddy-biddy earrings.
 * To tell a Bajoran they aren't allowed to wear their earring is like telling a Sikh he can't wear his turban.
 * Also, the only time that comes up is in the first episode with Ensign Ro. In that one, Riker is trying to break her attitude. Furthermore, Troi runs around in her underwear and Guinan wears a 33 1\3 LP on her head (though as a civilian, Guinan may be exempt). Dress codes are rather relaxed on the Enterprise-D.
 * Ro is allowed to wear the earring eventually. It seems that Starfleet personnel are allowed to embellish their uniforms with items of cultural significance (such as Worf's baldric), if the commanding officer allows it. Ro was told to take off her earring mostly because Picard and Riker weren't willing to give her any leeway. Getting 8 of your fellow officers killed because you violated a direct order tends to make you unpopular.
 * There is the honored JAG from The Drumhead who put Picard on a Kangaroo Trial for being a traitor and breaking the Prime Directive simply because he was objecting to her apparent desire to continue courtmartialing his crew after the original problem was settled and an otherwise innocent crewmember was found guilty of being part-Romulan and not telling anyone. Thankfully, Picard wrecked her career by making a bold speech and tricking her into making a fool of herself in front of an Admiral. She didn't sound that much crazier then than she had all episode, though, and she had been considered honorable before, so it's a wonder it worked.
 * Thing is, even Picard was on her side before she started hounding said crew member, and her Villainous Breakdown showed that not only was she obsessing over the Romulan conspiracy she presumed was on board, but she decided to make it personal against anyone who went against her. If anything, the Wall Banger here is that she had to turn into a General Ripper to make the episode work, and cement once and for all the fact that Star Trek legal procedures were copied wholesale from the Ace Attorney games.
 * And let's not forget that partway through the trial the engineers (as in actual scientists) discovered that the explosion that kicked off the whole thing was caused by a defective seal. As in it was clearly an accident. Nobody was at fault. There was no crime. But the JAG officer is allowed to continue her crusade anyway.
 * Even worse, not only is she allowed to continue her crusade, her assistants refuse to believe it was an accident, either, and purposely lied to their suspect about the cause of the explosion to try and get him to confess. Shouldn't they have been punished for trying to perjure the defendant?
 * The episode "Contagion": the Enterprise contracts a computer virus from a ship, the Yamato, that had been infected with the virus after scanning an ancient planet for a legendary transportation technology. As a result, all of the ship's systems begin to malfunction, including turbolifts, life support, and replicators. It gets so bad that Commander Riker remarks that (paraphrase) doing anything, no matter how seemingly harmless, could trigger the destruction of the ship or its crew. So they decide to go to the planet that the Yamato surveyed to see if the can understand the program that infected them better. They then transport an away team to the surface. Problem: all the computer-operated systems are failing. So, to get to the source of the problem, you use a device which relies on the computer disassembling, transmitting, and reassembling every subatomic particle of your body WITHOUT ERROR! * BANG*
 * Speaking of that episode, check out Data's behavior; he throws Geordi from an electrified panel and gives a human reaction of embarrassed surprise and shock. He stupidly puts his hand through a rapidly-changing portal through space (good thing the "image" didn't change while his hand was in there). And look at his reaction to being reactivated after purging his systems of the Iconian program. This is supposed to be an emotionless android, correct? One incapable of mimicking or even understanding human behavior? Why is he acting like this?
 * No one in the 24th Century seems to know how to do a system restore on a computer. You forgot that there was a reason there's a protective archive in the computer core, Geordi?
 * As noted in Realm of Fear and other episodes, the transporter system has multiple redundant safety systems and - considering the sheer amount of processing power it would require - it's own computer system. Not improbable that the transporter system is mostly isolated from the rest of the computer outside of a command interface, and a test transport could easily test the reliability of the device.
 * "Time Squared" has a bad portrayal of both Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi. Picard acts extremely emotional and forceful with everyone, including the future doppelganger of him who drives the episode. Supposedly, he's acting this way because it appears that the doppelganger abandoned the Enterprise to its doom, and the crew have no way of knowing what caused the ship to explode or why the doppelganger left until it happens. But Picard has been shown to take stuff like this more calmly in previous episodes. And even his stress can't explain why he nearly assaulted his doppelganger while he was recovering in sickbay in order to get answers, even though Troi told him several times that the doppelganger couldn't answer. Nor does it explain his rejection of the notion that the doppelganger was him simply because he couldn't see himself performing the actions the doppelganger did -- especially since earlier episodes have shown him to take stuff like this more calmly and open mindedly... Troi flip-flops on whether she's sympathetic or appalled by Picard's attitude. She goes from near-accusatory admonisment of him for his aforementioned assault, to defending his assault and rejecting the concerns of the ship's doctor about Picard's state of mind as unnecessary. So, she clearly saw how out of character Picard was and even told him off about it, but she sees no reason to be concerned about it? What kind of counsellor is she? (Don't answer that last question...)
 * As far as Picard's actions go, it's true he had dealt with some freaky situations in the past, but being face to face with a future version of yourself who may or may not have fracked up big time is got to be the sort of thing that strains even the strongest of sanities.