Crappy Vamps vs. Werewolves Epic

Crappy Vamps vs. Werewolves Epic is a web based story by two silly, silly girls. It is an affectionate parody of Twilight and has vampires, werewolves, and humans.

Crappy Vamps vs. Werewolves Epic provides examples of:

 * Action Girl: Anastasie
 * Addiction Displacement: Art replaces his drug addiction with knitting. Cora and Kianoush might be wise to try this.
 * Affectionate Parody
 * All Girls Want Bad Boys: double subverted with Cora; she falls in love with Erik, who is as nice and clueless as they come, instead of Art, a bad boy with whom she shares history. She then goes back to Art after Erik leaves.
 * Played straight with Kianoush
 * Anticlimax: Lampshaded.
 * Author Avatar: Inverted. Art comments that "vegetarianism is pathetic". Lara is a hardcore vegetarian and pacifist.
 * Backstory: Pants
 * Back-to-Back Badasses: Anastasie and Kianoush
 * Badass Bookworm: Cora, Art, and Roy. Kianoush, Elaneh and Renato may qualify, as well.
 * Badass Decay: Art and Cora fall victim to this the most.
 * Berserk Button: Don't mention cats to Art. Seriously.
 * Beta Couple: Kianoush and Florence, Elaneh and Renato, Anastasie and Javier
 * Betty and Veronica: for Cora, Art is Veronica and Erik is Betty; for Art, Roy is Betty and Cora is Veronica; for Roy, Art is Betty and Richard is Veronica
 * For Erik, his old life is Betty and Cora is Veronica?
 * Birds of a Feather: Elaneh and Renato, Kianoush and Florence
 * Big Lipped Alligator Moment: A LOT. Notably Anthony, knitting robot ladies, Charles R. Evelyn, and... well, a lot.
 * Blatant Lies: almost anything Kianoush says, Art's initial pants story.
 * Blondes Are Evil: Lillias
 * Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Lillias, Elaneh, and Anastasie
 * Blood Lust
 * Blooper: the crossed out stuff and much of the ooc stuff
 * Boy Meets Ghoul
 * Brainy Brunette: Cora and Elaneh
 * Break the Cutie: Cora, Erik, and Art
 * Break the Haughty: Art SO MUCH
 * Buffy-Speak: A lot of characters do this, but the authors do this the most.
 * If a vampire invited me to lunch, I would decline faster than you can say something fast.
 * Came Back Wrong: Arguably, all of the vampires...
 * Camp Gay: Occasionally Art, nearly always Roy
 * Catch Phrase: Megghgllaeehhhagghheh!
 * Cats Are Mean
 * Character Tics: Roy's eyebrows
 * The Charmer: Roy and Kianoush
 * The Chew Toy: Lillias and Erik
 * Rather literally with Lillias...
 * Clingy Jealous Girl: Art and Lillias
 * Combat Stilettos: Anastasie
 * Complete Monster: Anthony.
 * RICHARD.
 * Art and Lillias both have their moments.
 * Conflicting Loyalty: almost everyone
 * Creepy Child: Anthony and Lillias
 * Crowning Moment of Awesome: The Elsinore Theatre performing the Nutcracker at 7:30 pm that day in real life and in the story.
 * Crowning Moment of Funny: Anything crossed out. ANYTHING. And all the memes.
 * It's a cat flushing the toilet...
 * EAT MY DUST, BABE.
 * BLOOOOOD BEARD?
 * Erik being a ditz/emotastic
 * The sea is made of cotton candy! And it's the pink kind!
 * Richard.
 * Eric's pants.
 * Art chuckled at Erik's leash but stopped when he realized Roy and he were the same way... and he was Erik.
 * I HAVE TO WATER MY CAT!
 * "DON'T GO! THEY'LL FIND YOU! THE LEVIATHAN NEARS! CATTERJUNES!"
 * HOLY JESUS IN A CHICKIE BISCUIT!
 * AND THEN THE GOOD LROD CREATED ART. HE/SHE/IT MADE HIM EXTRA SEXYFINE.
 * He wanted to kick her. Or throw a chair at her. Or something.
 * Ikea.
 * Ryan got a text from Mollie and looked at it, only to realize it was pron
 * Knitting.
 * ERIK WENT HOME AND WAS A BORING DUDE AND WENT TO BED. BECAUSE HE'S AWKWARD LIKE THAT.
 * UNINTENTIONAL GAY SUBTEXT
 * GAY BAR!
 * Intentional gay subtext. -eyebrow wiggle-
 * Couldn't find a bad enough expletive.
 * I DON'T BITE.
 * Megan and Art: Worst. Battle Pair. Ever.
 * Megghgllaeehhhagghheh.
 * "...gather Lillias together..."
 * Did Not Do the Research: Lara isn't much of a Twilight fan. Seeing how this is a parody of it... yeah.
 * Lizzi not knowing Heaven was a gay bar...
 * ...although that became a Crowning Moment of Funny...
 * Dead Little Sister: Art's sister
 * Does Not Know His Own Strength: Erik when he becomes a vampire
 * Double Agent: Megan
 * Dropped a Bridge on Him: SO MANY. Especially Leon and Maria.
 * Elegant Lulzy Gothic Lolita: Lillias
 * Emergency Transformation
 * Evil Is Sexy
 * Evil Redhead: Anastasie, arguably
 * Face Death with Dignity: Averted COMPLETELY with Lillias.
 * The Fashionista: Anastasie and Cora
 * Femme Fatale: Anastasie
 * Fiery Redhead: Anastasie, so much
 * Fighting Dirty: Art.
 * "I looked at her outbox. She only uses 'L-O-L'."
 * Fille Fatale: Lillias tries to be and fails
 * Fire-Forged Friends: almost everyone
 * Fish Out of Water: the premise, of the Stranger in a Strange School variety
 * Flanderization: EVERYONE AND IT ISN'T A BAD THING
 * Foe Yay: Anastasie and Cora
 * Cora and Art
 * Friendly Enemies: Cora and Anastasie
 * Very Friendly
 * Friendly Neighborhood Vampires: Well... some of them...
 * French Maid: ART
 * Gratuitous French: Anastasie
 * Gratuitous Spanish: Javier, in his emo corner
 * Hair of Gold: Erik, subverted with Lillias and Art
 * Head Pet: RICHARD.
 * Hello Boys: The female Bellos actually SAY THIS to the boys after getting dolled up.
 * Hilarious in Hindsight: "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE A VAMPIRE ATTACK THAT WILL BE INTERRUPTED WITHOUT MAKING YOUR VAMPIRE APPEAR GAY BY ANOTHER VAMPIRE AAAAAH?"
 * I'll try to make Roy have a gay moment.
 * Don't worry, I'd love Art even if he was gay.
 * Megan and Roy's conversations about Art...
 * "Ugh, Art," Megan grumbled, taking the lid off her smoothie. "I don't really like Art that much, and I get the feeling that very few people disagree with me." She frowned at the visual image of the blonde vampire.
 * Roy was silent. Megan was right, of course.
 * Horror Hunger: It is about vampires
 * Ho Yay: Art and Roy
 * Todd and Leon
 * I Hate You, Vampire Dad: Lillias. Subverted in that she is very fond of Kianoush until she finds out that he is the vampire that sired her.
 * I Have Your Wife: the kidnappings
 * Incredibly Lame Pun: Lots of food related ones...
 * It's Not You, It's My Enemies: Cora's reason for trying to dump Eric
 * I Will Protect Him: Cora with Erik
 * Jail Bait: Lillias
 * Kick Chick: Anastasie
 * Kiss of Death: om nom nom...
 * Les Yay: Anastasie and Cora
 * Anastasie and EVERYONE. Even Lillias.
 * Loads and Loads of Characters
 * Loser Gets the Girl: Erik ends up with Cora after Art attacks him. They weren't really fighting over her, though.
 * Love Hurts: played straight in the original, parodied in the sequel
 * Manipulative Bastard: Art and Lillias.
 * Anastasie
 * Manly Men Can Hunt
 * Meaningful Name: Bello Diavoli
 * Memetic Molester: Cora, Kianoush, and Lillias
 * Roy
 * Memetic Mutation: SO MANY
 * HOLY JESUS IN A CHICKIE BISCUIT
 * Cats and toilets
 * PANTS
 * Maid costume
 * Art chuckled at Erik's leash but stopped when he realized Roy and he were the same way... and he was Erik.
 * Eyebrow wiggling
 * REARRANGE THE LETTERS IN SUBTEXT
 * Knitting
 * Butts
 * Sitting around pointlessly
 * Megan needs backup and a hug.
 * FOR DUMMIES
 * IKEA
 * CORA HAS PMS
 * YOU GOTTA LITTLE...UH...WHATHISNAME...JUST...THERE.
 * BUT...GAY BAR!
 * RANDOM TIMESKIP
 * BECAUSE WE FORGOT ABOUT THEM, LOL.
 * Lillias' pushup bra.
 * Javier is off being emo in a corner and says "hell no."
 * SEXYFINE
 * Rib-poking
 * Kianoush has BALLS OF STEEL
 * Erik is a boring guy who gets molested a lot
 * Dominatrix Cora
 * Couldn't find a bad enough expletive.
 * HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
 * LYDIA STEALS PANTS.
 * Cora's old lady neighbor Mrs. Turner is a pervy person. -eyebrow wiggle-
 * Narcissist: Lillias and probably definitely some others.
 * Narm Charm: Quite a lot.
 * New Age Retro Hippie: Megan
 * Non-Action Guy: Erik
 * Not Growing Up Sucks: Lillias
 * Opposites Attract: Anastasie and Javier, Art and Roy, Cora and Erik
 * Lillias and Renato, for her at least
 * Cora and Art
 * Pimped-Out Dress: The clubbing outfits
 * Psychopathic Manchild: Lillias
 * Really Seven Hundred Years Old: the Bellos
 * Revenge by Proxy: Kidnapping nonsense
 * The Scrappy: LILLIAS
 * Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Erik
 * Sharp-Dressed Man: Kianoush, Renato, and Art
 * Take a Third Option: Erik's choices when kidnapped are comply with demands or bust out of there. He decides instead to talk for hours on end.
 * The Three Faces of Eve: Lillias is the child, Anastasie is the seductress, and Elaneh is the wife/mother.
 * Those Two Guys: Art and Roy, Kianoush and Renato
 * Too Dumb to Live: Lampshaded with Art's victims.
 * "The ones I pick off are the ones that deserve it. Didn't their mothers teach them to not walk alone in alleyways at night? I mean, really. It's just common sense."
 * Lillias, though that may have been Too Careless To Live.
 * Undead Child: Lillias
 * Viral Transformation
 * What Does She See in Him?: Erik so much
 * What Happened to the Mouse?: The humans and werewolves
 * Yandere: Cora
 * Zettai Ryouiki: Lillias and Anastasie