Star Trek: The Next Generation/Funny



"Picard: ...I stood toe-to-toe with the worst of the three [Naasicans], and I told him what I thought of him, his pals, his planet, and I possibly made some passing reference to his questionable parentage...
 * In 2x17 "Samaritan Snare", Picard explains why he has to visit Starbase 515, and we discover that he was a bit of a hellraiser as a new officer (and holder of an Idiot Ball):

(Wesley grins)"

"Picard: I'm less than 1 hour away from a battle simulation... and I have to handhold an android.
 * In "Peak Performance" [2x21], Data loses to Kolrami in a strategy game and withdraws from the bridge. Troi and Pulaski tell Captain Picard that he is their only hope of getting Data back in action.

Pulaski: The burdens of command.

Picard: *Stares*"

"Engineer 1: What was that?
 * Geordi and Data are in the holodeck LARPing a Sherlock Holmes novel. Data has memorized them all and so reveals who the villain is in the first scene, so Geordi tells the holodeck to generate a 'program capable of beating Data'. Cut to the bridge.

Engineer 2: Power surge on the holodeck."

"Newton: "The day that apple fell on my head was the most momentousness day in the history of science."
 * Data plays a poker game on the holodeck with representations of Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Stephen Hawking (played by himself).

Hawking: "Not the apple story again!""

"Newton: Blast, I fold!
 * The conclusion always cracks this troper up:

Data: I fold as well.

Einstein: Ze uncertainty principle vill not help you now, Stephen. I call. You are bluffing and you vill lose!

Hawking: Wrong again, Albert. * reveals that he has the winning hand*"

"Q: I have no powers! Q, the ordinary!
 * Something that makes it even funnier- some years later, Brent Spiner got to meet Stephen Hawking again. Instead of a greeting, Hawking at once demanded, "Where's my money?"
 * Star Trek: The Next Generation wasn't especially huge on the humour, but this troper always finds great amusement in Barclay's high speed rambling in Realm of Fear (as Deanna tries to keep up with him). For some reason his exclaiming "I don't get to see this part of the ship a lot. LOOK! There's stellar cartography, I thought that was deck eleven!" gets me every time.... You had to see it.
 * "Well done, Mister Broccoli."
 * Barclay meets Christina, Miles O'Brien's Tarantula.
 * Bonus points for Barclay being played by Dwight Schultz aka "Howlin' Mad" Murdock!
 * "Take my Worf, please."
 * "Sir, I protest! I am NOT a merry man!" (It's aided by Worf's ridiculous costume.)
 * How about Worf smashing Geordi's lute in a perfect Homage to Animal House?
 * Troi tries archery.
 * Probably the funniest episode of TNG is "Deja Q", where Q is kicked out of the Continuum. Here are just a few moments:
 * Worf's deadpan is as great as ever.

Picard: Q, the liar! Q, the misanthrope!

Q: Q, the miserable! Q, the desparate! What must I do to convince you people?!

Worf: Die.

(Beat as Riker tries desperately not to explode with laughter)

Q: Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?"

"Data: The captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
 * This one's a bit more chilling than funny.

Guinan: Really? (grabs a sharp fork and stabs Q's hand)

Q: Aaaaagh!

Guinan: Seems human enough to me."

"Q: Jean-Luc, it's wonderful to see you! How about a big hug? ...Well don't just stand there, say something.
 * Picard's Face Palm at 6:12.
 * "He's BACK!"
 * This troper's favorite Q/Picard moment is in "QPid"

Picard: GET OUT OF MY CHAIR!"

"Brent Spiner: Kids! Stay out of the sun! I'm thirty three years old. I never used a sunblock - big mistake!"
 * Data's attempts at imitating humanity. 90% of the time, you're gonna laugh.
 * This Troper finds his actor funnier, especially while he's making the make up artist's job more difficult as he's being done up to look like a ninety year old man:

"Geordi: Hey, Data, need a trim?
 * One time when he went to the barber to attempt to imitate friendly interpersonal jabs people sometimes do.

Data: My hair does not require trimming, you lunkhead.

Geordi: Lunkhead?"

"Data: I am attempting to partake in friendly, well-intended insults.
 * Made better a moment later. Apparently even Data can tell Picard is not well known for his sense of humor....

Gerodi: Ah.... Well, just don't try it on the captain.

Data: (beat) No."

"Scotty: What is this? (holds up a glass)
 * On the note on Data, after he *ahem* shows Tasha Yar just how fully functional he is, he comes up to the bridge and Picard - seeing his 'I just got laid' look, assumes he's trying to imitate the human crew being drunk (funny in it's own right) and then gets called elsewhere.
 * Data, after Picard leaves, tries to lean against something...and topples over. The man sitting in the chair looking over his shoulder with a look of total bewilderment cements it.
 * Especially because that man is Worf.
 * Data and Scotty are in Ten Forward, looking for a drink:

Data: It is... (sniffs the drink) It is... (sniffs it again) It is green."

"Riker: You enjoyed that.
 * What makes it even funnier that this exchange is exactly the same as that between Scotty and an alien in TOS: "By Any Other Name".
 * Later in the episode, Picard earns Scotty's respect by taking a massive belt of the green liquor. The look on Scotty's face is priceless.
 * From "Ensigns of Command": Picard - One, Sheliak - Nil.

Picard: You're damned right.

(The hailing signal sounds.)

Worf: Captain. They are hailing us."

"Data: Sir, is the appellation "Junior" to be the lifeform's official name?
 * This is after Picard's earlier communications with the Sheliak always ended with them abruptly "hanging up" on him the same way, so it could double as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
 * While the Sheliak are frantically hailing him, Picard leisurely strolls the bridge and inspects Enterprise's dedication plaque for dust, before leisurely strolling back to the viewscreen and answering the hail.
 * This little gem from "Galaxy's Child":

Picard: No it is not!"

"Picard: "They seem to have an exaggerated opinion of me."
 * and also the wonderful 'Captain Picard Day':

Riker:  "I don't know, I think the resemblance is kind of striking, wouldn't you agree Number 1?"

Picard: "Isn't there something else you have to do?"

Riker:  "I'll be on the bridge.""

"Admiral: *sees the banner* "Captain Picard Day"?
 * Riker almost takes the doll with him, until Troi makes him leave it. You can see the "I'm coming back to steal that doll later" look on his face just before he leaves for the bridge.
 * Absolute best part of that was the Admiral's Very Serious Business call which he took in the same room. Upon finishing:

Picard: Oh... Um... Yes, it's... it's for the children. I'm a... *apologetic grin* haha... I'm a role model.

Admiral: I'm sure you are. Starfleet out. [beep] *Picard's grin fades*"

"Deanna: You're taking it so seriously! It's not without its element of humor...
 * Ditto for Picard later saying he convinced the school to hold a "Commander Riker Day" and that he was considering making an entry himself.
 * When Riker, LaForge, and Deanna found their way to Barclay's... um... special holodeck program in "Hollow Pursuits," Deanna's reaction to her own misappropriated image had this troper in stitches:

Fantasy!Deanna: I am the Goddess of Empathy. Cast off your inhibitions, and embrace love, truth, joy.

Deanna: *gasp and stare of pure horror*

LaForge: *amused* Oh my God."

"Deanna: Muzzle it!"
 * Let's not forget what Troi says to the "Goddess" before they leave.

"Data: Aah! Aah! *too-long pause* Chooooooooooooo!"
 * Let's not forget Riker's complete 180 from being completely and utterly livid at the situation just 2 seconds before hand.
 * Data's attempts to imitate human bodily functions. Namely, episode in which he continuously practices his sneezing technique, only to fail miserably.

"Data: He will require water. And you must provide him with a sandbox. And you must talk to him. Tell him he is a pretty cat. And a good cat.
 * Also, in "Data's Day" the ghastly 'smile' he pastes on while practicing dancing in the holodeck.
 * In the episode "Phantasms", Data asks Worf to take care of his cat, Spot. This leads to this exchange.

Worf: I will feed it."

"Data: "Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.""
 * Also: "SPOT. COME HERE."
 * In "Haven", Troi gets sick of her mother and mother-in-law-to-be sniping at each other, snaps at them to stop the petty bickering, and storms off.

"Picard: *stumbling out of the way* "Computer, freeze program! ... I came here to relax, not to dodge bullets. Reconfigure... more ambiance, less substance.""
 * Ro and La Forge attend their own 'funeral' in "The Next Phase": "They think we're dead and they're having a party?"
 * Picard in the holodeck, playing at Dixon Hill. Patrick Stewart's Humphrey Bogart impression is hilariously atrocious, but then, that's the point.
 * Just as good was his Dixon Hill experience in "Manhunt". He goes there trying to relax and hide from Lwaxana Troi's escapades. The first man through his door ends up pulling a pistol on him after accusing "Dix" of not finding his sister in time to save her life.

"Picard: "Computer, freeze program! This is just substituting one form of violence for another. Reconfigure.""
 * The next man through the door is a sinister figure who, after a veiled threat conversation, reaches over and grabs Picard by the lapels.

"Picard: "Freeze program! Computer, I don't think I'm quite making myself clear.""
 * The third man to come into Dix's office does so brandishing a Tommy Gun and screaming bloody murder!

"Troi: Why did you stop me? Someone needs to set her straight!
 * Lwaxana basically hitting on anyone and everyone, including Worf, Wesley, (offscreen) Geordi, and Riker. Riker and Troi get a funny scene right after she leaves:

Riker: I think I'll leave that to the Captain.

Troi: Coward."

""I want to see my father! I want to see him NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW--""
 * Pretty much the entire episode "A Fistful Of Datas", but especially Data as the barmistress, and the Enterprise flying off into the sunset.
 * In the episode "Rascals", Picard, Ro, Guinan, and Keiko were turned into 12-year-olds in a transporter accident, though they kept their adult memories, knowledge, and skills. When the ship is hijacked by Ferengi, the "kid" crew stage a revolt to get the ship back. In order to get Riker to turn over computer control to the schoolroom computer so Picard and company can corral the Ferengi, Picard accosts one of the Ferengi guards and demands to see his "father", throwing a SPECTACULAR tantrum:

"Worf: However, Lieutenant D'Sora serves under my command. If she were...mistreated, I would be very displeased...Sir.
 * "Rascals" also involves Chief O'Brien being very awkward around his now adolescent wife, resulting in her giving a Full Name Ultimatum while grabbing him by the collar and yanking him down to her eye level, reminding him that she is still his wife. You can see him trying to think of a way to tactfully point out the obvious and failing horribly. And then he digs himself deeper by saying "technically, yes"...
 * No slight intended to the generally excellent child actors, but many of these scenes (like Picard's tantrum) get even funnier if you imagine, for example, Patrick Stewart petulantly stamping his feet or giving his "Number One Dad" a big fake hug.
 * "Up The Long Ladder", and the evacuation of a long-lost Earth colony of Irish farmers.
 * Picard's reaction to the chaos is quite possibly the best part. His back is to the camera, so Riker assumes that Picard has reached his limit, but then the captain turns around laughing with the biggest grin on his face. Coming from Patrick Stewart just makes it adorable as well as hilarious.
 * "Timescape". Picard making a smiley face in the extremely slow-moving warp coolant.
 * From the same episode, "He just kept talking in one extremely long, unbroken sentence, moving from topic to topic, it was really quite hypnotic." Heck, that entire episode was funny.
 * In the early episode "The Big Goodbye", Picard is describing his first time on the holodeck to his staff and says, "when that woman kissed me...", Riker just stops rocking in his chair and clearly gets an... idea.
 * Picard's contribution to Data's quest for romantic advice: "I'd be delighted to give you all the information I know about women. If I ever have any, I'll let you know."
 * Worf's contribution from the same episode also counts, where he mentions that "Klingons do not...pursue relationships. They conquer that which they desire". Funny it's self when you consider who he is giving it to, but then Worf makes an addendum:

Data turns to walk down the hallway, stops, turns back around back to Worf.

Data: I understand."

""Good tea. Nice house.""
 * "Conundrum" has Worf sitting in Picard's chair or in his office pretty much the entire time that he thinks he's in command of the Enterprise. The strangeness of it for the audience is amazing.
 * In another episode, he has to play captain to fool some time-displaced Klingons. To Riker, when asked how it felt: "Comfortable chair."
 * Worf's idea of small talk during a social call:

"Wesley: I don't think this is my style.
 * In "The Dauphin", Wesley asks Riker for some advice on talking to women. Riker requests Guinan assist him. The two get more caught up in role-playing than actually helping Wesley.

Guinan: Shut up kid. (to Riker) Tell me more about my eyes."

"Wesley: I'm sure that works great for the Klingons, but I'm not sure if that's for me.
 * Then Worf tries his hand, but his suggestions are, shall we say, somewhat forceful.

Worf: Fine. Go to her door. Beg, like a human."

"Lwaxana: And you can't keep killing all my lovers, now that simply has to stop.
 * Apart from the romantic subplot, all of the scenes involving that episode's aliens of the week are swimming in so much intentional Narm that you can't help but laugh. This scene with the chaperone is the stand-out, but there's another scene where Wesley's love interest goes to her quarters and finds the chaperone in the form of a short, hairy Ewok-like creature who communicates by unintelligibly squeaking...and proceeds to have a serious, straight-faced conversation with said creature.
 * For being such a serious episode, "Half a Life" has perhaps the funniest moment of any Lwaxana episode. Troi makes the opening log entry, short and simple, in a voice full of trepidation: "My mother is on board." Then we cut to Picard timidly poking his head into a hallway to make sure the coast is clear.
 * Data (attempting to laugh at Geordi's joke) breaking into a creepy and highly inappropriate forced giggle that goes on far too long than it should, before going back to his duties as if nothing happened.
 * A blooper from the first season has Brent Spiner, in a flawless imitation of Jimmy Stewart, read the dedication plaque of the USS Stargazer and comment, "For God's sake, Mary! They built this thing in Bedford Falls!"
 * Picard pretending to be madly in love with Lwaxana, quickly moving from reciting Shakespeare to insane jealousy.

Tog: Killing?

Lwaxana: (*matter-of-fact*) Oh, he's insanely jealous."

"Picard: Mr Crusher, set a course for Betazed...(whispers) Warp 9."
 * The expressions on Riker's face are absolute gold. Even when the camera isn't focused on him, you can still see him struggling not to laugh.
 * Worf looks like he was to criticize Picard for damaging the original Klingon.
 * After getting Lwaxana back:

"Data: It is a beard Geordi. A fine, full, dignified beard. One which commands respect, and projects thoughtfulness and dignity. Well? Opinions?
 * I'm sorry, but when Riker puts on that outfit in "Angel One" I was laughing along with Deanna and Tasha. Picard getting hit by the snowball was also funny.
 * Riker Growing the Beard? Awesome. Data Growing the Beard? Hilarious.

Troi: (trying not to laugh) It's very.... different.

Data: When I stroke the beard thusly... (begins to do so), do I not appear more intellectual?

(Geordi snickers)

Troi: (Holding in laughter) I-I'm sorry. I have to go now. Goodbye."

"Keiko: I'm going into labor.
 * There was another scene left out of the episode in which Data tried a bald head to emulate Picard.
 * Keiko and Worf are trapped in Ten Forward and she's about to give birth. Worf is not the best nursemaid.

Worf: This is not a good time.

Worf: I must urge you gently but firmly to push harder.

Worf: My computer simulation was not like this. That delivery was very orderly.

Keiko: Well, I'm sorry!"

"Worf: Congratulations. You are fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth."
 * And, of course, the kicker.

""Bridge to Engineering. Mr. La Forge, why isn't my ship moving?""
 * Picard in "Phantasms":

"(shuffling into room) "Flowers! Is there a "Jean Luck Pickard" here?""
 * Q in "Tapestry":

"Q: Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead."
 * Q greeting Picard:

"Q: Morning, darling."
 * Pillow talk, the morning after:

""It is interesting that people try to find meaningful patterns in things that are essentially random. I have noticed that the images they perceive can sometimes suggest what they are thinking about at that particular moment." *Beat* "Besides, it is clearly a bunny rabbit.""
 * After Picard tells Q the story of how he got his artificial heart, Q tells him it's a beautiful: "It gets you right here, doesn't it?" (gesturing to his heart at the time.) Also, when he greets him earlier in the scene, saying "You seem unimpaled so far."
 * Data and Guinan are looking out one of the Ten Forward at a cloud formation, and Guinan starts picking out shapes.

"Troi [impersonating Dr. Mizan]: "So, Diane... I understand you're an empath. I'm a very [winks broadly] sensitive man, myself. I'm doing a thesis on interspecies mating rituals. Would you care to join me in some empirical research?
 * "Timescape" has several funny moments in it. From Picard doing the smiley face in the almost-unmoving cloud of gas, to Picard's impersonation of the guy who "just kept talking in one very long, incredibly unbroken sentence"... but my personal favorite was this gem:

[Later, after Picard and Geordi have laughed]

Data: Did you help him with his research, Counselor?

Troi: Absolutely not.

Data: But I thought that was a topic you were interested in."

"Troi: Is that supposed to be a question?
 * "Thine Own Self" has a particularly amusing one: Riker is in his quarters, practicing his trombone, when Deanna walks in. They hold a brief conversation with Riker 'speaking' via the trombone.

Riker: *toot toot*

Troi: If you're asking if I like what you're playing, then the answer's yes.

Riker: *High, low, as 'thank you.'*

Troi: You know, this is a much better way of communicating for you. It's far less confusing than the way you usually speak!

Riker: *Fast-descending note of annoyance*"

"Janeway : Well, yesterday I was running routine diagnostics on the sensor pallets. They checked out, but Lieutenant Pinder questioned me because I'd allowed a point oh two three variance. That's well within specifications. He goes out of his way to criticise me.
 * In "All Good Things" when future Picard visits Data, we learn that Data has learned the value of keeping a Servile Snarker around.
 * Klingon opera.
 * Deanna's advice while under the (negative) influence of another empath in "Man of the People":

Troi: Do you know of any reason why he might do that?

Janeway: No, that's why I'm here.

Troi: (bored and blunt) Well, maybe he's just tired of hearing you complain.

Janeway: Pardon me?

Troi: I know I'm certainly tired of it. How do you think it feels to sit and listen to someone whine about themselves all the time?"

"Ben: Why? Did you crash the ship into something?"
 * In "Lower Decks", Sam complains that he thinks Riker doesn't like him.

"Picard: I'm sorry, this is becoming a speech.
 * In "Code of Honor", Picard has been recapping the morality of the situation...

Troi: (trying to hide a smirk) You're the captain, sir. You're entitled."

"Data: Commander? What are your intentions toward my daughter?
 * At the end of Ship In A Bottle, Picard makes a comment about how, for all they know, the Enterprise-D is a simulation in a box on someone's table. This prompts Reg Barclay to look around nervously and say, "Computer? End Program."
 * Most of The Offspring was made of Heartwarming, but when she spends time in Ten-Forward learning about human interaction, we get her attempts to understand things like hand-holding and kissing. The funny comes when Riker (who's unaware of her nature) enters, and she tries to test...by hauling Riker over the bar and planting a kiss on him, just in time for her father Data to come in.

Riker: Your daughter?! Nice to meet you. *quickly leaves*"

"Geordi: Don't stare!
 * Accidental Funny in "Transfigurations". Geordi is pointing out the hot woman across Ten-Forward.

Worf: Why not?

Geordi: Because she'll see!

Worf: Good. You must let her see the fire in your eyes."


 * Uh, forgetting something, Worf?
 * Then she comes over herself, and we watch Geordi stumble his way through talking to her, while Worf (poorly) hides his disgust with Geordi's performance.