Deadpool/Headscratchers

Seriously, though, don't think of it as a movie that features you, because it isn't. It's your backstory; you know, the genetic and mental experiments that leave you the lunatic that we're all familiar with. The reason you are "In Name Only" is because you are not Deadpool yet.
 * Why exactly did they have to so radically change me for the movie? What was the logic behind it?
 * Just to piss you off. Yes, you specifically.
 * Ah, I was considering pulling their entrails out but... guess that explains a bit. Just a bit. Still considering. Though my real origin is Marvel's lawyers telling Rob he couldn't draw Deathstroke.
 * I'm not sure that would make a good movie though...
 * I thought we were bitten by a radioactive mercenary.
 * I know that it's a neat skill and all but sometimes I really do wonder how I can see past the Fourth Wall.
 * You're just that cool.
 * Don't listen to him; he's just crazy. I'm sure there's a perfectly good and logical reason for it.
 * A Wizard Did It.
 * No. I go was the Top Guy, He did say I was Cool.
 * Maybe because Real Life is actually a delusion in your mind,and the Marvel Universe is real
 * Or maybe you're just insane, and the fourth wall breaking thing just happens to be right.
 * When are they ever going to give you the Crossover made in Geek heaven: Me vs. The Joker?
 * Probably because you would wipe the floor with that guy ten times over. I mean, you hate clowns, he sucks against non-serious heroes, you have healing factor and fighting skills to rival Batman and use guns, whereas he's just a normal dude who has white skin.
 * Why do fans forget that Fabian Nicieza guy? He co-created me and made Rob's old comics tolerable. He also wrote my first two miniseries and created my lovable Heterosexual Life Partner Weasel. In fact, he wrote one of my last series where I get Cable as a sidekick or something. Where's the love? I existed before Joe Kelly, people.
 * Not to mention that Nicieza's Cable & Deadpool is probably responsible for most of 'Pool's memetic status (aside from the Shoryuken. That was Kelly.)
 * How come, in Daniel Way's run, in the X-Men story arc, I swim over to San Francisco and act like I've never been there before and perpetuate an offensive stereotype when, in Joe Kelly's run, San Francisco is where I LIVED?
 * Maybe we forgot we lived there? The upstairs attic's kind of like one of those weird thingies with the walls that keep changing around where David Bowie's prancing around in tights that make me swell with admiration and envy...
 * Wasn't Bowie the one who stole our comfortable plastic explosive chair? Then again it might've been Weasel...
 * How come ol' Daniel Way's main Deadpool title is so Love It or Hate It? His stories are actually fun and focus on action, awesomeness, and hilarity!
 * Maybe it's because those comic nerds prefer the runs Fabian Nicieza, Joe Kelly, or Gail Simone did on us?
 * Oh right! Gail was the one who let me tell the story of peanut love to Taskmaster.
 * And Nicieza had the X-Men have a telepathic party in my head back in me & Cable's 8th issue. Man, I love being an X-Men. Or X-Man. Whatever Marvel's calling it this week.
 * I'm totally stoked that I'm kinda-sorta an X-Man now, but my yellow boxes keep telling me I'm not a mutant. Can someone es'plain why I'm an X-Man so they'll shut up and lemme alone? My chimichangas are getting cold!
 * Well, Juggernaut's no mutant either, and he's been in both the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants. He just uses a Chaos Emerald thingy. So maybe you two need to get together and start the XY-Men or something. It could double as a woman-hater's club (but the straight kind).
 * Cancer is technically a mutation...
 * Where the minty-fresh hell did this sudden "split personality between my outside voice, a yellow text box and a white text box" thing come from? Did Daniel Way even know about me before he started writing me?
 * Deadpool's yellow text boxes are a staple of the character. The white text boxes originated during his appearance in Wolverine: Origins. In the beginning of the story, Deadpool was thinking about what to write in his diary. The thoughts of his diary became the second inner voice (white boxes) alongside the original (yellow boxes). But that was then. Now, who knows what the white boxes are.
 * Does anybody else think that this whole first-person thing has become really, really obnoxious?
 * No.
 * Yes.
 * Shut up, Deadpool! ...Wait, I'm Deadpool!
 * Why is Cable and Deadpool so out of continuity? After the series ended, Cable lost all of his cool powers, I dropped my quest for good, Agency X is almost nowhere to be found, I don't even have an apartment… what happened?
 * Executive Meddling?
 * Am I ever getting a crossover with Batman?
 * No, now stop asking!
 * How can you kill me?
 * Magic?
 * Or maybe you can convince Thanos to get rid of your immortality. Or you can take it up with Doctor Strange.
 * How come, in the miniseries Wade Wilson's War,Flashback!Me was shown in Spider-man undies, when Spider-man did not exist yet?
 * What do you mean, "didn't exist"? He's been in comics way longer than you. Did you think the fourth wall would get in the way or something?
 * Why does Deadpool still have a deathwish? I mean, there are multiple ways to kill him, despite his regenerative abilities. Exacerbated in the Dead storyline which features Daken, a character dying in his series, despite his healing factor! Not to mention the Muramasa owned by his teammate Wolverine, which he used to kill Sabretooth! If he really wanted to die, he would've done it by now.
 * Deadpool can't die. Thanos cursed him to never die because Deadpool's in love with Death, and Thanos was jealous.
 * But 1) Thanos is dead and/or trapped in another dimension and 2) Evil Deadpool (think a clone, but more disgusting) was killed. One would assume the curse would've also worked on him because he technically was Deadpool.