Cheech and Chong/Funny

Concerts and albums

 * "D-A-V-E! Will you open up the goddamn door?!?"
 * "Dave's not here!"

"It's like we're in a giant pussy, man!"
 * The Man (Chong) admiring the interior of Pedro (Cheech)'s car:

""My license? On the bumper!"
 * Pedro and the Man get pulled over by the cops when they're stoned. Pedro tries to talk to the cop while Chong is eating all of their drugs. Pretty much everything Cheech says is hilarious.

[Showing his driver's license to the cop] "Here's your momma."

[Chong throws up in Cheech's lap right after the cop asks what his name is] "Uh, his name is RAAAAAALPH"."

""What. Is your name?""
 * Chong plays Bob, a contestant on Let's Make A Dope Deal. Cheech is the host:

"Punk: You could be my daddy?
 * Chong is an old man in the park. Cheech is a punk:

Old Man: Sure, I used to fuck buffalo. In fact, you look just like your momma."

"Harry: "She looks an awful lot like your sister, Ethel...hey, that IS goddamn Ethel! Same goddamn mustache and everything! She's taking off her clothes...no, that ain't Ethel."
 * Harry (Chong) & Margaret (Cheech) watching a porno movie:

Harry: "She's feeding the goddamn thing! Hey, Margaret, look, it eats grapes!"

Harry: "This movie just got disgusting. They brought in a goddamn colored guy...C'mon, Margaret...are you coming?""

"How do you jack off a dinosaur?
 * Red Neck: "Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree"

How can you tell what time it is by grabbing a donkey's balls?

What do you get when you cross a Leprechaun with a whore? Little bitty fucker."

Movies

 * Too many for Up in Smoke.


 * In Next Movie:
 * Cheech: "Mexican Americans / love education / so they go to night school / and take Spanish / and get a B."
 * Chong: "Beaners! / Beaners!"
 * Cheech snorting laundry soap which he believes to be cocaine and accidentally drinking a glass of Chong's sister's urine.
 * Chong has a glass of his sister's urine to mess with his probation officer. She's pregnant.


 * In Things Are Tough All Over:
 * "Fantastic! I love it! We make movie of me killing them! Ah, it'll be in color, so we see the blood!"