Warp That Aesop (Darth Wiki)/Web Original

WELCOME, '''ladies, gentlemen, and tropers, to... screw it, my throat hurts.


 * Deviant ART: Yellow aliens are Acceptable Targets.
 * You can only draw animé or anthro art if you want to be successful.
 * Nude women with maggots crawling in an out of every orifice is art.
 * If something has hot naked woman and a sex-related subject, it's automatically not art.
 * That Other Wiki™: You must never, ever say anything negative about a person who is still alive, or they will bite you in the ass!
 * Also, the curious matter of a user named "THF", Daniel Brandt, Essjay, SlimVirgin, and Allison Stokke: Privacy is more important than accountability or objectively reporting the facts. Not only do you have a right to privacy, you have a right to become private at your own free will! At your whim, everyone must change your name to protect the innocent, fuzz out your face on pictures of you, present you as a silhouette on news reports, and digitally alter your voice!
 * Oh, and in the case of Allison, a father who lets known pedophiles child molestors run free is a perfect defense attorney!
 * Even if you're the person who discovered whatever the article is about, you can't correct blatantly incorrect information because that would be original research.
 * The "no girls on the Internet" thingy: Misleading people as to your true identity and intentions is perfectly sane and normal.
 * You are perfectly justified in demanding that people send you semi-obscene material simply because of what they claim their biological sex to be. You are also justified in demanding that they leave if they fail to do so. Because of stereotypes that you cannot control or influence, you may be required to conceal your gender identity and accused of trying to manipulate others if you fail to do so.
 * Subversion : Pretend you are not the gender you are, get free shit and attention.
 * If they are unwilling to send pictures of their secondary sexual organs, they cannot be female, especially on a medium where it is ridiculously easy to find pictures of breasts with a google search.
 * YouTube: "Fair use" is bad. It's perfectly okay for a record label to yank your video when it contains their content, even though the video is perfectly legitimate and does not infringe on copyright.
 * Works that fall under "fair use" are defined as "whatever you want" and shouldn't take into account the opinions of anyone who owns the works. Also, making light of a work is considered parody and thus falls under fair use, regardless of how much copyrighted, unedited and expensive-to-produce material is used in the process. And most of all, anyone who decides to withhold their material from public view is infringing upon your right to enjoy everything you want at no personal cost.
 * What right you have to steal content/demand takedowns is inversely related to how successful you are. If Warner Music Group demands you pull the entire album you just ripped off the CD and uploaded, then fuck VEVO! If a guy with a handheld camera is doing sketches in his backyard and the videos are nicked by a more popular You Tuber/corporation, then those guys are lowlife content thieves and the content creator has every right to demand the copies get taken down. So ideally, you should be successful enough to not be eating out of the trash, but any more and you're evil.
 * Banning users from websites in general: Because it's their private corporation (or whatever), they can do whatever they want, and questioning their authority is bad!
 * And the logical inverse: users on the internet have a right to say whatever they want, whenever they want, to whomever they want. Websites have a moral obligation to provide a forum for everyone to express their opinions at all times, and failure to do so is a violation of our natural right to demand the compliance of others in spreading our message.
 * Accentuate the Negative websites The Whole Freakin' Internet In General: You are not allowed to enjoy anything. Ever. Well, except for insulting other people for enjoying something.
 * If someone disagrees with you, the best way to convince them is to beat them over the head with snark and insults. Because treating someone like crap is a great way to endear them to your beliefs.
 * Sailor Nothing: Emotionally unstable teenage rape victims are society's only hope.
 * Mindfuck image macros: Black people are terrifying. They just are.
 * Anachronauts: It's okay to break the rules and be a busybody, as long as you do it for the right reasons. (That one's near verbatim.)
 * Smack Jeeves: All good comics are either Boys Love or Sprite Comics. No exceptions.
 * Trinton Chronicles: Even if you beat every single villain or Big Bad up, more always come out of the wood work to *** you up, best to keep your head down and let the city get taken over.
 * Overthinking It: Any attempt to write a strong female character is doomed to failure. Authors are better off ignoring feminism entirely.
 * Underthinking It: Anyone who enjoys a show without having to write a thesis on it's academic merits is an idiot.
 * That Guy With The Glasses: Anyone who dislikes Cross Overs is the worst kind of Troll.
 * Zero Punctuation: If you have a British accent and can talk really fast, your YouTube video will get noticed immediately by a large company that will pay you tons of money to make videos. If you copy him, it'll work for you too!
 * The First World Problems Meme: You don't have a right to complain about anything ever. Car broke down? First world problem. Lost your job? First world problem. Cancer? Some kids would kill for cancer. Unless you're the poorest, sickest, most pitiful third world orphan ever, shut up.
 * The original form was "White Whine", until someone realized the Aesop was that only white people were privileged enough to have these problems.
 * Youtube Poop: Nonsensical Toilet Humour, Overused Running Gags, vulgar language, and copyright infringement are hysterical.
 * Encyclopedia Dramatica: Bullying, mocking, and overall making a person's life hell is perfectly okay, and anyone who objects is just "taking the Internet too seriously."
 * TVTropes: If you see something done by more than one work of fiction, then it is something worthy of obsessively researching and cataloging for the rest of your life.
 * Rotten Tomatoes: The overall response from critics equals Word of God. Anyone who disagrees is an idiot.
 * That includes other movie reviewers. All critics should be a Hive Mind that universally pan or praise movies. Anyone who disagrees clearly is either a hack or a troll.
 * Retsupurae: It doesn't matter how much effort you put into your Let's Play, how much you enjoy doing it, or any kind of humble fanbase you may have built from it. If two established people in the field say you're doing it wrong, you must admit your worthlessness or else face the wrath of the Internet.
 * If you post something on a publicly available site, then no one should be allowed to criticize it at all (no matter how qualified they are to do so).
 * Heartless Bitches International: Sociopaths, especially violent ones, are ideal role models.
 * Wikileaks: If you're a public official, or a big company, or anyone they don't like, really, you have no right to privacy.
 * Super Mario Bros Z: It's okay to not update in years as long as you make a joke about it.
 * Erika's Old Big Sister: A Bratty Teenage Daughter is really a Bratty Half-Pint in a teenage body.