Big Finish Doctor Who/Recap/027 The One Doctor

"Mel: You're really rattled, aren't you?

The Doctor: Yes, because if I didn't save this planet from the evil Skelloids, who is the Doctor that did?"

The TARDIS has picked up and followed a distress beacon from the far, far distant future - the "vulgar end of Time", according to the Doctor, a period he rarely travels to, as nearly everything has been discovered, commercialised, used up and cheapened. However, upon arriving at the planet Generios One, Mel and the Doctor find themselves among a massive celebration. Apparently the world has been saved by the legendary Time Lord the Doctor, and his assistant Sally-Anne! Funny, because the Doctor's never visited the planet before, and doesn't sense the presence of a future incarnation...

What follows is a delightfully camp romp as the Doctor and Mel are foced to team up with Con Man Banto Zame. They'll take place in the future's version of The Weakest Link, put together shelves, and have a chat with a giant jelly monster who's been waiting forever for his brand new TV to be delivered...

"The One Doctor" contains examples of:
"Doctor: If I was really the Doctor, would I do...THIS? [grabs Sally-Anne into a deep kiss]
 * Con Man: Banto Zame, along with his assistant Sally-Anne, amasses money by pretending to be The Doctor, and staging alien invasions for him to thwart for a...modest fee. Of course, when a real invasion comes along...
 * Crowning Moment of Funny: Yes, we're aware this is a work page, but this cannot be stressed enough - if you're a Doctor Who fan who has an element of perspective on the classic series and all its good, ridiculous, camp fun, you will adore this story.
 * Did Not Do the Research: Or rather, didn't do enough research. Banto knew the Doctor's TARDIS had taken the shape of a Police Box, but he misinterpreted a Police Box to be a portaloo, as he always saw policemen loitering around them.
 * Distress Call
 * Excuse Plot: The plot itself, the Doctor and Mel teaming up with Banto and Sally-Anne to gather a collection of relics to stop an alien invasion, is really just an excuse to send the lot of them to a variety of ridiculous alien planets and situations and argue with each other, poking a lot of good-natured fun at the cliches of Doctor Who while they're at it.
 * Ham-to-Ham Combat / World of Ham: Regular 6th Doctor, the not at all unhammy Colin Baker, goes head-to-head with 'Doctor' impersonator Banto Zame, as played by colossal ham Christopher Biggins!
 * Hidden Track: An additional Christmas scene set in the TARDIS appears after a lengthy pause on the last track.
 * Logic Bomb: Mentos, an AI that automatically answers any question, factual or personal, posed to it through the use of time-travelling research droids, easily overcomes the toughest questions the Doctor can throw at it. Sally-Anne, in a moment of despair, absent mindedly asks, "What don't you know?"
 * Most Wonderful Sound: Banto's "STARDIS", when starting up sounds a lot like the TARDIS...except it is in the form of a Portaloo. So, guess what sound it makes?
 * Doubles as an Overly Long Gag, as the STARDIS takes considerably longer to take off than the TARDIS.
 * No Hugging, No Kissing: Played with. At the finale, when The Doctor is trying to show an alien race that he is not their sworn foe, but instead intergalactic conman, Banto Zame...

Alien: [Absolutely stunned] Noooooo. No. No. No. The Doctor certainly wouldn't do that."

"Banto: Awe inspiring? In that coat? Have you taken a look in the mirror recently? Come to think of it I shouldn’t think you do much else.
 * Older Than They Think: The NuWho 2008 Christmas episode, "The Next Doctor", likewise featured a slightly pompus man claiming to be the Doctor. Unlike here though, that "Doctor" was a genuine case of mistaken identity and is still a real hero, while here, well...Zame's a bit of a git.
 * Also, Doctor Who crossing paths with The Weakest Link (or rather a show that's very much like it.)
 * Rousing Speech: Mel gives one to Banto when it looks like their task of putting together the "Shelves of Infinity" is hopeless - Mel never gives up, not since her and her family had to put on the yearly Christmas pageant for the local pensioners, despite eight feet of snow, blizzard-level winds and blocked roads. They got to that church hall, and put on the show of their lives!.
 * Title Drop: Both Mel and the Doctor admit at the end that, well, there's only room in this cosmos for the one Doctor...
 * Two of Your Earth Minutes: Lampshaded.
 * Volleying Insults: Banto and the Doctor...do not get along. The Sixth Doctor's habit of Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness is also lampshaded:

Doctor: I intend to rise above your barbs...but before I do I’d like to say that this coat can only be appreciated by someone with a sharpened aesthetic sense – not a dunderhead like you!

Banto: Sharpened aesthetic sense? Sharpened by what, a dose of mind altering drugs?

Doctor: I warn you, a verbal duel with me would only lead to ignominy for you!

Banto: Igno-what? Talking with you is like arguing with a thesaurus!

...[and later]...

Doctor: It’s a gigantic body composed almost entirely of super heated gas.

Banto: Oh, rather like you then!

Doctor: If I have to endure another insult...

Banto: Oh here we go, another voyage 'round the English language!

Mel: QUIET!

Doctor: Well, I'm sorry Mel--but he started it!"


 * What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: The Shelves of Infinity exist in multiple dimensions and as one builds them, parts will go missing, extra slots appear and disappear, and the instructions keep removing and adding pages. Pretty much like standard shelves then.