One Dialogue, Two Conversations/Quotes

"Francine: Stan Smith! You bastard! HOW COULD YOU? (supposedly make out with Hayley)

Stan: OK, you caught me, but can you blame me? It's just so sweet and tempting! (stealing cookie dough)

Francine: You're sick! You should be in jail!

Stan: Oh come on, you're overreacting. Roger does it too!

Roger: Yeah, I've stuck my fingers in there.

Francine: (Vomits into a bowl)

Roger: Guess I'll go get some new popcorn..."

- American Dad

"Richie: [Reading a piecie of paper, given to him by Eddie as a birthday present] "Madame Swish, 3:30". Oh Eddie, you haven't! Oh, what a pal you are! Madame Swish! Ooh! Aah! God, at last, I'm really gonna do it! And on my birthday as well! Ooh, I wonder what she's like!

Eddie: She's a dead Cert, mate. A real stayer.

Richie: Really?

Eddie: Yeah, she'll come first.

Richie: What, before me? Good grief, that's quick! So she'll think I'm great! Oh what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?

Eddie: Um, not exactly, I'll need a tenner.

Richie: A tenner? Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?

Eddie: Um, well, no. In that case, it's a tenner each way.

Richie: [Surprised] Well, how many ways are there?

Eddie: Well, you'll come first, second, or third, won't you?

Richie: [Aghast] Well, how many people are gonna be there?

Eddie: Well, a few thousand.

Richie: What?!

Eddie: Well, it's Kempton!

Richie: Kempton?! I can't get down to Kempton by 3:30!

Eddie: You don't have to, mate! It'll be on the telly!

Richie: [Terrified] They're gonna televise it?! What if my auntie's watching?!

Eddie: Well, what's illegal about betting on a horse?

Richie: A horse?

Eddie: Yeah!

Richie: [Realizing] Madame Swish is... is a horse!

Eddie: Yeah! ... Well, what d'you think it was?

Richie: [Disappointed] Oh no, nothing, nothing. I was just checking.

Eddie: I have given you a red hot tip!

Richie: I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there?!"

- Bottom. Guess what Richie thought "Madame Swish" was referring to.

"(Bill and Stan are being questioned about robbing a convenience store and shooting the clerk, but they assume that it's about shoplifting a can of tuna fish)

Sheriff Farley: Hello, Bill. I'm Sheriff Farley.

Bill: Hi.

Sheriff Farley: Do you know why you're here?

Bill: Yeah, I do. I'm sorry. It was a stupid thing to do.

Sheriff Farley: Have you been made aware of your rights?

Bill: Yes.

Sheriff Farley: You're willing to waive that right?

Bill: I'll cooperate fully. I'll sign a statement, or whatever makes this whole thing easier.

Sheriff Farley: Good. Good. That's good.

Bill: But I want you to know, Stan, he had nothing to do with it.

Sheriff Farley: Did he help you plan it?

Bill: No. I mean... I mean, it wasn't planned out. You know, it just happened.

Sheriff Farley: Did Stan try to stop you at any time?

Bill: No. I mean, he was...

Sheriff Farley: Is that a big deal? Aidin' and abettin'?

Bill: Aiding and abetting? Is that a major thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

(later, interrogating Stan:)

Stan: An accessory? Are you guys kiddin'? An accessory? I didn't help. I didn't plan it.

Sheriff Farley: You didn't try to stop it.

Stan: I didn't know it was happening. I found out later in the car.

Sheriff Farley: Why didn't you get out, call the police then?

Stan: He's my friend.

Sheriff Farley: Well, your friend has put you in a lot of trouble.

Stan: What's gonna happen to Bill?

Sheriff Farley: Nothing. Unless he's convicted. If he is, we're gonna run enough electricity through him to light up Birmingham.

(interrogating Bill again:)

Bill: We were friends at NYU, and we both applied and we got scholarships to UCLA. So we figured the scenery would be nicer going through the South.

Sheriff Farley: What about the tuna fish?

Bill: I forgot about the tuna fish. And then we left.

Sheriff Farley: Did he catch you with the tuna fish? Is that how it started?

Bill: No, he didn't say anything.

Sheriff Farley: But he knew about it.

Bill: I don't know.

Sheriff Farley: Let's talk about that for a moment. You paid for the groceries. And then what?

Bill: We went out to the car, and that's it.

Sheriff Farley: When'd you shoot him?

Bill: What?

Sheriff Farley: At what point did you shoot the clerk?

Bill: (confused) I shot the clerk?

Sheriff Farley: Yes. When did you shoot him?

Bill: I shot the clerk?

Sheriff Farley: (speaking outside) We need ya out here. I'm in the middle of a damn confession here.

Bill: Whoa. Wait a minute!"

- My Cousin Vinny

"(Vinny is the lawyer, but Stan thinks he is there to sodomize him)

Vinny: Look, it's either me or them. You're gettin' fucked one way or the other.

(Stan tries to get up)

Vinny: Hey, relax, I'm gonna help you.

Stan: Gee, thanks...

Vinny: Excuse me, I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here.

Stan: You think I should be grateful?

Vinny: Yeah, it's your ass, not mine. I think you should be grateful. I think you should be down on your fuckin' knees.

Stan: I didn't know it was such an honor to get a visit from you.

Vinny: I'm doing a favor, you know. You're gettin' me for nothing, you little fuck!

Stan: That's one hell of an ego you got.

Vinny: What the fuck is your problem? I did not come down here just to get jerked off.

Stan: I'm not jerking you off. I'm not doing anything.

Vinny: That's it. You're on your own. I'll just take care of Sleeping Beauty.

(Wakes up Bill)

Bill: Vinny! Vinny bag o'donuts!"

- My Cousin Vinny

""Are we on the same page?"

"I don't think we're even in the same library.""

- Thundercats