SeaQuest DSV/Funny

"Krieg: What the... these are all family films! I told you to get something interesting! Look... this is a submarine. Can you say that?
 * The reveal in "Treasures of the Tonga Trench", in which the precious glowing "gemstones" the crew discovered turn out to be . So funny that its practically the only thing I remember from the show.
 * Pretty much any of Krieg's wacky schemes, for that matter.
 * This gem from the pilot:

Crewman: Submarine?

Krieg: Good! This is not a monastery! [sigh] Forget it, I'll pull something from my personal library."


 * On launching a "magma buoy" into a volcanic vent: "Oh, I think I'll pass. I doubt Raleigh or his ceramic suppository require my presence."