Civil Protection/Funny

"Mike: Yeah, it was looking pretty bad... But then!: (transition to alien invasion) Aliens from outer space showed up and started attacking the earth. (Beat) They decimated our defenses in a matter of hours, forcing us to surrender (transitions to conveyor belt with dead people on it and a giant line of people enslaved by combine soldiers) and the aftermath left 80% of the population dead, and the rest of humanity conquered on its own planet! And suddenly, it's like, boom, problem solved.
 * In the Green Aesop episode, Mike goes on a lengthy discussion about how there was a huge energy crisis years ago, and at first he appeared to be very logical and reasonable. However, he then says (quite cheerfully):

Dave: I'll give you that. Killing off five billion people did wonders for most of our social problems.

Mike: It sure did! Now there are no more politics. You either do what the government says or you die! And what do you know! Now all of our energy is renewable, there's plenty of food for everyone, and crime is at its lowest in recorded history!"

"Mike: Hell, we almost had it coming.
 * Though it's combined with Fridge Brilliance and High Octane Nightmare Fuel when you realize that - in a sick way - they're both right.
 * Right before that:

Dave: Bad monkey."

"Dave: Oh relax, this thing's probably going to kill you anyway.
 * Mike and Dave meeting a strider (in case you don't know, it is a giant alien-cyborg hybrid tripod creature armed with a giant laser cannon)

Mike: Hey, if it's gonna kill me, it's gonna kill you too. I don't know why you're so calm about this.

Dave: Of course he's not! Big... alien... robot... things love me! I mean, look at him! He's just a big friendly guy!

Mike: Dave, this isn't a stray dog.

Dave: (ignoring Mike) I shall call you Symba!"

"Mike: Batman can afford to go around all night throwing ninja stars at people! Because he doesn't have to go work in the morning! Superman has to go to work, Spider-Man has to go to work, not Batman! He gets to sleep in in the morning, and he has a butler!"
 * Mike's rant on Batman:

"Mike: If you go trick or treating, great. But if someone answers the door naked, please call us immediately. You may think they're just playing a joke or acting a little weird, but no. It never amounts to anything good. We find it's usually just the tip of the iceberg with these people.
 * From the "Halloween Safety" episode:

Dave: Oh, man, like the Arbuckle residence, where we found all those dead-

Mike: Shut up, Dave! Okay, moving on..."