Fantastic Racism/Quotes

""Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because - what with trolls and dwarfs and so on - speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.""

- Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

""No, Diesel! I'm sure Sir Topham Hatt means a really useful steamie. You'll never be that!""

- Thomas, Thomas the Tank Engine

""I could never figure that," said Roger. "I mean why humans don't like toons. We're no different from humans, not really. We have different mannerisms, and different physical makeups, and a different way of talking, but we have the same emotions. We love and hate and laugh and cry exactly the same way humans do.""

- Who Censored Roger Rabbit? (Literature)?

"Nail: This is my people's sacred battle ground.

Freeza: We flew over an hour for this? It looks exactly the same as everywhere else on this godforsaken rock!

Nail: [annoyed grunt] Racist.

Freeza:Well, maybe so but, I can't quite be a racist against a race that doesn't exist. Like the Cloffours.Dirty money-grubbing Cloffours. Tried to Clof me right out of my money. Blew those little bastards up is what I did."

"--Dragon Ball Abridged"

"Parapsychics were treated in a manner similar to that members of socially unacceptable subgroups had been in a less enlightened time, with the fear of the different and of the unknown. The metaphor was imperfect, due to the fact that gays, for example, lacked the ability to set people on fire with their mind."

- Aeon Natum Engel

"Gingerbread Man: You're a monster!

Lord Faarquad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. . ."

- Shrek

""Think of the people who would have thrown Einstein in an oven because his parents were nominally Jewish... Now imagine that everyone, everywhere, could instantly see and tell which primary tribal group or ancestral type you were. Because your people have four arms and are striped, and others have goatlike hindquarters, and others are hermaphroditic pastel-colored female shapes with tails, or half cat, or snake, or hairy ape, or so on. You see where I am going?""

- Antonio, The Moreau Factor

"Suffer not the alien, the mutant, the heretic."

- Warhammer 40000

""Everyone hates aliens Peri, It's a scientific fact.""

- Entree, Spliced.

"Bartender: We don't serve their kind here.

Luke: What?

Bartender: Your droids. They'll have to wait outside. They don't belong in here.

Narrator: Oh, so you'll serve devils, bat-heads, and ass-faced guys, but droids are off-limits."

- Riff Trax parody of Star Wars : A New Hope

""You humans are all racist!""

- Un-self-aware turian at a security checkpoint, Mass Effect 2

"Shepard: You forgot your chit at Saronis Applications. The clerk is holding it for you.

Volus: Oh. Well... the quarian could've stolen it...

Cop: (to the quarian in question) I'll close this event report, but I'll be watching you. Get a permanent residence or I'll run you in for vagrancy.

Shepard: Are you two serious?

Volus: What?

Shepard: You falsely accused this girl of stealing from you. (gives the volus a none-too-gentle shove) All you have to say now is that she "could've stolen it"?

Volus: Now just a minute-!

Shepard: (grabs the officer by the collar) And you! She gets harassed and insulted by this guy and you throw in a threat to arrest her for vagrancy?!

Cop: How about if I run you in for obstruction of justice?!

Shepard: (contemptuously) You think you're going to run in a Spectre? I think both of you should get out of here...

Cop: Ah, son of a... (walks away)"

- General treatment of the quarians in Mass Effect 2

"I sure am proud to be pureblooded white-I mean, wizard! Tee hee hee."

- Draco Malfoy, Potter Puppet Pals.

""Greetings, obviously inferior yet inexplicably respected alien lifeforms.""

- Shockwave, summing up the typical TransTech attitude towards "offworlders", "Bee in the City"

"Doctor Fabulous:I fight a thousand of you alien scumbags a week! You're all the same to me!

Zorg the Destroyer:You know what? That's racist! You're a racist!"

- The Cosmic Adventures Of Doctor Fabulous

"Commander Hurricane: Earth ponies are numbskulls!

Princess Platinum: Pegasi are brutes!

Chancellor Puddinghead: Unicorns are snobs!"

- My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic, "Hearth's Warming Eve"

""Don't play cards with Qunari—it's impossible to tell when they're bluffing. Don't play against elves, either—they never pay their debts. And never play against dwarves—they'll kill you if they lose.""

- 'Dragon Age II

"Patrick:Yellow!

Spongebob:Pink!"

- SpongeBob SquarePants

"Q: Isn't a meerkat a type of mongoose?

A: NO! This great insult! Mongoose not good enough to lick dropping from my shoe! I am meerkat and I live in mansion filthy mongoose could only dream about in wildest dreams."

- Compare the Meerkat

"Shrek:“Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy.”

Fairy God Mother:“Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we?

(looks up these books)Princess. Cinderella. Here we are. ‘Lived happily ever after.’ Oh... [laughs] No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... No, no, no, no, no!

You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.”

Shrek:(points at her)“All right, look, lady!”

Fairy God Mother:“Don't you point, those dirty green sausages at me!”"

- Shrek2

"An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original.

I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children.

[Shrek and King Harold almost choke on their spoons and food]

It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?

Indeed. I just started eating.

Harold!

What's that supposed to mean?

Dad. It's great, OK?

Well, for his type, yes.

My type?"

-   "I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...

Ogres, yes!

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?

Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't EAT your own young!"

- Shrek 2

""Gorillas are cowards! Nowadays you're not allowed to say it, but it's true!""

- Dan McNinja, The Adventures of Dr. McNinja