The Big Bang Theory/Funny

Season One

 * Raj's long long slow and long hallway walk after trying to ask out Sheldon's sister on The Big Bang Theory. Actually the character of Raj is unto himself pretty hilarious.
 * The whole time machine acting-out segment.
 * In the same episode, at the end, Sheldon's Dream Within a Dream in which he uses the time machine to travel to the future and gets eaten by Morlocks starts out as Nightmare Fuel, but quickly Crosses the Line Twice when he tells Leonard he needs to move it out. The moving company workers turn out to be Morlocks.
 * Leonard hearing a noise and coming out of his bedroom with a lightsaber.
 * The end of the Physics Bowl "Here I am janitor. In former Soviet Union I am physicist. Leningrad Politeknika. Go Polar Bears."
 * Sheldon's reaction when, after he gets fired from work, Leonard calls his mother to snap him out of his obessive funk. Watching him mouth the words "YOU CALLED MY MOTHER?" silently with a VERY offended look on his face is priceless.
 * When Leonard, Sheldon and Howard all end up almost going as The Flash. And the series of "Oh no!"-s during said scene.
 * "I Call FRODO!"
 * Sheldon: "Ah gravity, thou art a heartless bitch."

Season Two
"Leonard: Sheldon, how could you sit there and let them watch my date with Penny?
 * In one episode, Leonard comes back from a date with Penny and discovers that Howard and Raj were watching him say goodbye to her on a surveillance camera, which leads to this:

Sheldon: They're clever Leonard. They took advantage of my complete lack of interest in what they were doing."

"Penny: Leonard and Howard and Raj aren't like other guys. They're special. How can I explain this? They don't know how to use their shields.
 * "I can GROW MY OWN LEONARD NIMOY??"
 * Penny uses a very geeky simile:

Alicia: Their shields?

Penny: Like in Star Trek, when you go into battle, you raise the shields. (stunned pause as she realized what she said) Where the hell did that come from?"

"I am given to understand that your mother is overweight. (Pause) Of course, if this is due to some glandular problem, rather than overeating and sloth, then I retract my statement."
 * Sheldon's attempt at trash talk:

"Sheldon: "Penny told me a secret, but I'm not supposed to tell you."
 * "It's hot in here. Must be Summer."
 * Later, Howard's Epic Fail at trying to ask her out.
 * Sheldon high on Valium. Too funny for words!

Leonard: "What's the secret?"

Sheldon: "Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is ok with it, but we can't tell Dad."

Leonard: "No! The other secret!"

Sheldon: *deep voice* "I'M BATMAN!""

"Sheldon: Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
 * Sheldon and Stewart arguing over Gradiations of wrongness.

Stewart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge."

"Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Penny?
 * Sheldon accidentally gets a date.
 * "We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman!"
 * Sheldon's money is hidden in the hollowed out buttocks of an action figure, whose identity will remain secret for his own protection.
 * But if you ever find yourself short, there's always a couple of twenties in Green Lantern's ass.
 * The first episode with Leonard's mother, Raj and Howard were teasing Leonard about all sorts of childhood issues. Leonard got back at them by directing his mother's psychoanalyst nature at them. Her conclusion of Raj and Howard being in an "Ersatz Homosexual Relationship" leaves the two almost catatonically stunned silent (Raj even more so) and Leonard's victorious smile/Troll face just making the scene.
 * Sheldon and Penny's interactions up till he hugs her, and the two episodes before that. This troper was in tears.
 * Space toilet + Mrs. Wallowitz's meat loaf
 * Penny screwing with Sheldon as he does his knocking routine in the season finale:

Penny: *knock knock knock* Sheldon?


 * Sheldon looks puzzled*

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Penny?

Penny: *knock knock knock* Sheldon?"

"Leonard: Awww... the pet store?"
 * This goes back and forth, faster and faster each time, culminating in Penny finally opening the door wearing a mischievous smile on her face.
 * Sheldon's Southern accent.
 * "Sure, why not! And after the sun's down, we can all pile in my pick-up and go skinny-dippin' down at the crik. 'Cause today's the day to STOP MAKING SENSE!"
 * "Here, drink-slash-eat this [a stick of butter in a cup of hot cocoa]."
 * Sheldon trying out a driving simulator.

"Sheldon: *Sings* There once was a brave lad named Leonard, with a fi-fi-fiddle-dee-dee. He faced a fearsome giant, while Raj just wanted to pee."
 * "The Ballad of Leonard Hofstadter", sung by Sheldon, after Leonard gets Penny's ex, Kurt, to pay back the money he owes her.

Season Three
"Raj: Ha-ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber. (The race ends and Raj wins.)
 * Raj and Sheldon's... offbeat training montage.
 * "WHEATOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!"
 * Pretty much the entirety of "The Adhesive Duck Deficiency", but a couple highlights:
 * Leonard, Raj, and Howard high.
 * Sheldon
 * Sheldon attempting to be "normal" and comfort Penny. "There there... Sheldon's here."
 * The whole episode "The Bozeman Reaction", too.
 * Two Words: Ballpit Bazinga!!
 * Made even funnier by the fact that Jim Parsons is totally cracking up at the end.
 * Sheldon appears on NPR to explain magnetic monopoles, while Kripke fills his office with helium.
 * What? No mention of Sheldon's drunken stand-up act yet?
 * In "The Gorilla Experiment":
 * Sheldon and Raj playing Mario Kart Wii.

Sheldon: That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.

Raj: And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car, you can't drive.

Sheldon: I just need a little more practice.

Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills, and a magic genie who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart."

"Sheldon: "Why are you crying?"
 * Sheldon tries to teach Penny physics, but ends up only confusing her (Penny is revealed to have never taken a science class before). At last, a very confused Penny breaks down in tears, resulting in this exchange:

Penny:(exasperated) "BECAUSE I'M STUPID!"

Sheldon: "Well, that's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.""

"Leonard: "I've always been a little confused about this... why don't Hindus eat beef?"
 * Raj in a bad mood:

Raj: "We believe cows are gods."

Sheldon: "Not technically. In Hinduism cattle are thought to be like gods."

Raj: "Do not tell me about my own culture Sheldon! In the mood I'm in I'll take you out, I swear to cow!""

"Sheldon: I'm not going to pay a fine, that would imply I'm guilty!
 * Sheldon gets a summons due to a traffic fine he got helping Penny out when she dislocated her shoulder in the shower, Sheldon denies any wrongdoing, meanwhile, Raj has been wearing a sound effect T-Shirt and playing sound effects the whole episode.

Howard: But you ARE guilty.


 * Raj plays the Law and Order "Dun Dun" sound effect, which everyone laughs at*

Howard: That one I liked."

"Leonard: Here's Spock's head with no body. Here's Mr T's body with no head. Ah, here it is, Spock's body with Mr T's head! "I pity the fool who's illogical!""
 * I abandoned my goal to master Tuvan throat singing!
 * Spock's body with Mr T's head.

Season Four
"Raj: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
 * The entirety of "The Robotic Manipulation".

Howard: Yes.

Raj: Penis first?

Howard: Yes, now help me!

Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricate, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well."

"Sheldon: "Perhaps your talk of my sexual prowess renewed her faith in love.""
 * Sheldon's reaction to Amy asking him to meet her mother is quite frankly hysterical, as he politely says he'd love to, turns off the webcam... and then runs down the stairs in a wild panic calling for Leonard to help him!
 * Sheldon's 25 cats! Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Adorable.
 * Sheldon and Amy's experiment on memetics throughout "The Herb Garden Germination", where in reaction to gossip of impending break up between Howard and Bernadette led to them getting engaged ended that scene with this particular gem:

"Amy: "Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse, in other news I'm starting an herb garden, mum's the word, gotta go!' *leaves*''"
 * Emphasis on the fact that it's SHELDON saying that.
 * This troper loved the way Amy tries to spread rumours.

"Penny: Sheldon and Amy had sex!
 * Plus this little gem between Penny and a completely plastered Raj:

Raj: SHUT YOUR ASS."

"Amy: (at Penny's door) I'm carrying Sheldon's child, mum's the word, bye!
 * The ending.

(she walks down the stairs, and bumps into Leonard at the bottom, who has his cell phone in hand)

Leonard: YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"

""If I can train a monkey to smoke, I can sure as Hell train him to shoot a poison blowdart, and no jury would convict us because PEOPLE LOVE MONKEYS!""
 * "Sometimes your movements are so lifelike I forget you're not a real boy."
 * Oh the Humanities!
 * "The Toast Derivation" revealed that Sheldon once got punched by Bill Gates for saying: "Maybe if you weren’t so distracted by sick children in Africa, you could have put a little more thought into Windows Vista."
 * Sheldon's Imagine Spot where after Leonard asks if he can change the temperature settings on the thermostat, Sheldon imagines himself as The Flash, running to the Grand Canyon, screaming and running back to Pasadena.
 * From that same episode (the Justice League Recombination) Sheldon's variation on his usual "knock knock knock Penny" bit. "I'm the Flash, I just knocked thirty-thousand times."
 * Howard's Batman voice.
 * In "The Agreement Dissection," Amy (drunkenly) offers to have her pet monkey assassinate Priya for Sheldon:

"Sheldon: Oh, I explained my predicament to our letter-carrier. His exact words were "I gotcher back, Jack. Bitches be crazy.""
 * In the fourth season finale,
 * Any time Leonard's mom shows up. Especially when she mentions Howard and Raj's "latent homosexual tendencies".
 * When Sheldon thinks that Amy wants to take their relationship to the next level, he changes his and Leonard's address:

"Penny: What happened to Leonard?
 * In the fourth season finale, when Raj is Sheldon's temporary roommate:

Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo erectus: he was replaced by a superior model.

Raj: I'm the new Homo in town!"


 * "Forbidded it?"
 * "Forbodded it?"
 * "The word is forbade."
 * "Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."
 * "I think that's your cue."
 * "Oh... That bitch!"
 * From the same episode, same scene: "I don't have an urge to fling my waste."
 * When Penny and Priya are finished with the longest, most awkward stair-climb ever, Priya goes into Leonards apartment and Penny, unlocking her door looks back and says, "Amy was right. I do want to fling my poo at her".
 * The second-to-last scene of "The Love Car Displacement": The episode had been full of growing tension between the characters and it all comes to a head in a Q&A panel at which the scientists in the group (and their friend Howard) are giving a presentation, with Penny in the audience. The scene is here. The panel...it doesn't go so well.
 * When Sheldon is the voice of reason, something has Gone Horribly Wrong.

Season Five
"Sheldon: Bazinga, punk. Now we're even."
 * Two words: Internet Kissing
 * Leonard's "what the hell" expression as he watches sells it.
 * After Sheldon got himself purposely slaughtered in paintball due to his incompetence as a leader, it ended up inspiring the rest of his friends to take back the game. "If there is going to be a Church of Sheldon, this is where it began."
 * Made even better by exactly HOW he gets himself slaughtered. "Geology is not a real science!"
 * Sheldon's "Look everyone! Wil Wheaton is my friend!" Followed shortly by "Brent Spiner, you are now my mortal enemy."
 * In "The Good Guy Fluctuation", after being the victim of many pranks throughout the episode, Sheldon finally gets his payback on Leonard in a big way when he springs out of the couch in zombie makeup.

"Sheldon: It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
 * From the same episode.

Howard: That's not my mom. It's Bernadette.

Sheldon: Really? That's very unsettling."

"Sheldon: Oh, how could I be so stuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuU- *falls over*"
 * This is topped moments later when Sheldon, forgetting the Electric Joy Buzzer he's wearing, performs a Face Palm after getting pranked again.

"Raj: That is one tough birdie."
 * Sheldon's reaction to seeing the bluejay sitting in his spot in "The Ornithophobia Diffusion".

"Penny: "Maybe she would like to know that half of your dirty movies... are animated!""
 * Leonard and Penny's Old Married Couple fight got pretty creative.

"Amy: "It's so romantic!"
 * Sheldon unveiling the Relationship Agreement to Amy, codifying the responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper (known as "the boyfriend") and Amy Farrah Fowler (known as "the girlfriend"). Not only is it completely in character for Sheldon, but Amy is visibly moved by the whole ordeal (Mayim Bialik hits just the right tone between deadpan and getting choked up).

Sheldon: "Mutual indemnification always is.""

"Sheldon: (To Howard and Leonard) "The two of you need to get your women in line!"
 * Sheldon after a night of snuggling with Amy:

Leonard: "...what?"

Sheldon: "Last night I was strongarmed into a night of harp music and spooning with an emotional Amy Farrah Fowler. This on a night I had reserved for solving the space time geometry in higher spin gravity... and building my LEGO Death Star. And why? Because your gal pals, Penny and Bernadette, went shopping for some wedding nonsense without Amy. An action they took with no thought or regard as to how it would affect me, the future of string theory or my LEGO fun time!"

Howard: "What do you want us to do about it?"

Sheldon: "You clearly weren't listening to my topic sentence... get your women in line! You make them apologize to Amy and set things right. I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle bunny!"

Leonard: "Why do I have to talk to Penny? She's not my girlfriend."

Sheldon: "You invited her to lunch four years ago... everything about her is on you! You make it so!""

"Leonard: That's not a glow stick. This is a glow stick."
 * Same Episode, Amy convinces Sheldon to Cuddle. "Just saying, second base is RIGHT there."
 * Amy freaking out over receiving a "tiara tiara tiara!" in "The Shiny Trinket Maneuver".
 * From the same episode, Howard's magic show. Especially the exchanges between Bernadette and the kid who's not getting any cake.
 * Leonard showing up Sheldon in "The Friendship Contraction" when the power goes out and Sheldon suggests using glow sticks. Leonard takes out his full-size Star Wars lightsaber, and tops it with a Crocodile Dundee Shout-Out.

"Even if I were to get a girlfriend now, I'd still get a girlfriend after Sheldon Cooper!"
 * From "The Rothman Disintegration":
 * Sheldon Cooper & Barry Kripke playing basketball against each other to decide who gets Professor Rothman's office.
 * Raj voicing his envy at his coupled friends, stating that

"Sheldon: What, you've never seen a man try to get a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?!"
 * "Bongo solo!"
 * "Let me try gangsta. Hellz naw!"
 * The whip app.
 * Three Words. French. Maid. Outfit!

Other
"Sheldon: Go what ever team you support, and may the other team play less effectively!"
 * It's not technically on the show but there's Sheldon hacking into the Super Bowl.

"Announcer: Leave it to Sheldon. He hacked his way into the Super Bowl."
 * Followed by the announcer:


 * At Comic-Con 2011, an audience member asked who had the best "Howard's Mom" impersonation. Simon Helberg (Howard) barely got out a screechy "Howard" before admitting that's all he had. Melissa Rauch (Bernadette) took a moment to think, then did a flawless Howard's Mom voice with "What's this 'Comic-Con' you're at? Is that some sort of sex convention I saw on 20/20?"