Two Broke Girls/Funny

""Clientele used to be all Eastern block criminals and crack whores, but then he took it over and ruined it.""
 * Max telling Caroline about Han Li, the restaurant owner:

""Your shoes have their own house!""
 * Max's shock when she sneaks into Caroline's old town house.

""The really, really white one.""
 * Max asking Caroline if she dated the white or the really, really white one

"Max: "Is any of that true?"
 * After Caroline sucessfully sells 4 of Earl's CDs at the diner.

Earl: "Nope. She even made up my damn last name.""

"Caroline: "Really? Now? Really? While I'm helping you?"
 * This:

Max: "You're right. We'll trash you later.""

"Max: Look, I don't want to wake you up, so why don't you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on your vagina.
 * This moment from "And The Pretty Problem:"

Caroline: Just make sure you buy me breakfast afterwards."

"Caroline: See? That's one box of Butterfinger wrappers gone.
 * Max's riposte after the hippie cafe owner says no to her cupcakes for not being pretty enough.
 * In "And The Hoarder Culture":

Douglas: WHAT?!

Caroline: It's a metaphor, Douglas!"

"Max: I'm surprised that you got the right holiday decorations. You put out Easter bunnies for Yom Kippur.
 * From "And The Very Christmas Thanksgiving" when Han announces that he's decorating the diner for Thanksgiving:

Han: So many Jewish holidays I don't have time to Wikipedia all of them. What, like I don't have a life?""

"Caroline: Oh God, you aren't gonna be one of those "I'm too cool for the wonders of Christmas" type of bitches, are you?
 * Also, this:

Max: I'm so many types of bitches I've lost count."

"Caroline: We have got to have a sexual harassment seminar.
 * Every line uttered during Han's staff meeting in "And The Pop-Up Sale"
 * Max is a Deadpan Snarker so she's a great source of these, especially in "And The Secret Ingredient Is". Caroline has some great lines too, like "If men had periods tampons would be thrown like beads at a Mardi Gras parade."
 * This exchange from "And The Upstairs Neighbor", after one of Oleg's suggestive comments goes too far for Caroline:

Max: What for? He's already so good at it."