The One I Love Is



During a test inside Unit-01, Rei realizes she cares for Shinji... and even though he cares for her, his attention had been shifting towards Asuka. Determined to stop a put to THAT, Rei decides to try to get Shinji's attention back. In turn, her actions force Asuka to her drop her denial act -and her own self-denial-, show her real feelings and pursue Shinji too. And all of sudden, Shinji finds himself being in the middle of a war between the two persons he cares most about... while the war against the Angels keeps waging and his personal traumas keep getting worse.

Written by Alain Gravel/Rakna back in 1999 and described by his author like "A story about how the love of two special girls can change one Ikari Shinji", The One I Love Is is one of the first Neon Genesis Evangelion classic fanfics. It tries to address the next question seriously: "What might have happened if instead of a deconstruction of the Everyone Can See It trope, a real Love Triangle would have developed between the three pilots during the course of the series?". However, unlike other shipping/romance fics, it does not neglect the real events of the series, and makes its better to fit the event fics in the original series. Most of tragedies and mind-screwness happened in the anime show also happened here. However, due to the changes of relationships, the characters react differently to them, and evolve and develop accordingly, leading to Shinji having not only to choose between two girls... but also between saving the world and comndening it.

It can be found on Rakna/Alain Gravel Rakna's Homepage along side-stories written by other authors, fanart and translations to other idioms (it really was SO popular among the fandom back in the day), and on this link. The translations are on his old homepage, though.

"Shinji: "Well, I don't! I don't care! I don't care if you can't pilot those goddamn things again! I love you for who you are, not because you're a pilot!!!""
 * Aborted Arc: A fan began a sequel, setting the first episode between the end of episode 12 and the epilogue. Regrettably, that fan never got around to write more than THAT only episode.
 * And Now for Someone Completely Different: Most of the fic is told from Shinji's point of view, but some scenes in later episodes (and most of the side-stories) narrate events from other characters' point of view to flesh the plot out.
 * Anguished Declaration of Love:

"Shinji: "Die... die... die... die! Die! Die! You monsters! You killed I'll kill you! Kill you! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!""
 * Arc Words: "Some truths can hurt if a person is not ready to hear them."
 * Armor-Piercing Slap: Asuka delivered one to Shinji in episode 4. To be honest, it was pretty deserved. Misato also delivered him one in episode 11.
 * Author Appeal: After completing the series, Rakna confessed However he also stated
 * Battle Couple: Shinji and Asuka.
 * Belligerent Sexual Tension: Shinji and Asuka at the beginning. It mellows down as the same time their relationship develops.
 * Berserk Button: Do not even think about hurt or harm Asuka or Rei in some way, shape or form. Shinji… will not be nice to you.
 * The Berserker: Shinji at the Final Battle.
 * Beware the Nice Ones: Shinji. Rei also counts.
 * Break the Haughty: Asuka. Although it was more of a breaking over and over and then stomping on the shattered pieces.
 * Brother-Sister Incest: After learning about Rei's origins
 * Cat Fight: Rei and Asuka have two of them. They were able to make up after the second, though.
 * Character Development: Several characters go through it, but mainly the three pilots evolve greatly through the story. Shinji learns to stand up for himself and stopping to run away and give up (Word of God stated in one of the author notes it was one of his main goals, since he simply hated what Shinji had become at End of Evangelion). Asuka learns to stop to push people away, to not let her existence was defined by piloting a Humongous Mecha (like another certain Humongous Mecha Ace Pilot / Broken Ace that she is a Gender Flipped Expy from did) and to open herself up to others. And Rei learns to acknowledge her emotions, show her feelings and developing bonds.
 * Characterization Marches On: Back when the fic was being written, fans debated whether it was or was not Misato the one shot Kaji (shortly after, Word of God stated she did not). Rakna was uncertain about how he wanted to handle and he even put up a poll in his site. Finally he decided Also, it is interesting pondering how Asuka's portrayal could have been affected by one of the extra scenes added in later releases (the one showed she had wept after kissing Shinji because she believed he really was not interested in her since he had not kissed her back and he would not even hold her or touch her) or if he would have added the manga event regarding her stepmother to her backstory, and how it would played out.
 * Chick Magnet: Shinji goes from believing nobody cares for him to ask -more than once- why girls are interested in him and what has he done to deserve it. The old homepage even joked about it, displaying pictures of Asuka, Rei, Misato and Hikari and asking if they were romantically interested in Shinji.
 * Death Equals Redemption: Averted with
 * Despair Event Horizon: Asuka goes through several of them (in episode 6, episode 9 and after ). Shinji almost suffers one after but Character Development and a Misato’s lecture avoided it. Unfortunately he suffered another after
 * The Determinator: At the end of episode 11 Misato explained to Shinji why he could not and should not give up. If she would only have that in the original series...
 * Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Unit-01 the fusion of
 * Driven to Suicide:
 * Dude, She's Like, in a Coma: At the start of last episode, Shinji softly kisses a comatous Asuka, replacing the disturbing hospital scene of End of Evangelion and its equally disturbing manga counterpart with a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
 * Emotionless Girl: Not so emotionless, after all.
 * Everyone Can See It: Everyone but Shinji, that is. At least before the Rei/Asuka screaming match in episode 2.
 * Fan Nickname: TOILI.
 * Fun with Acronyms
 * Fate Worse Than Death:
 * Fiery Redhead: Asuka is -of couse!- quite hot-tempered. It is even reinforced by the episode 4 title: "Don't play with fire".
 * First Girl Wins:
 * For Want of a Nail: Rei realizes she likes Shinji and gives him a chocolate box in Valentine’s Day. That action unleashes a chain of little changes do not alter the series' main plot at the beginning but slowly and eventually they lead to
 * Freudian Excuse: Nearly the whole history is narrated from Shinji's point of view, so Gendo is treated like a less than sympathetic figure. One of the sides-stories (Let the World Burn/One Dream at a Time) explores his motivations, showing him like a pathetic, broken shell of a man was afraid of people and had fully fallen apart cause his wife's death and was willing to send everything to Hell to find her again.
 * Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: Misato to Shinji after It was an epic lecture included a slap worthy of Bright Noa himself and avoided Shinji crossed the Despair Event Horizon right then.
 * Gender Flip: 
 * Happily Married:
 * Humongous Mecha: The Evas.
 * Ignored Epiphany: Almost played straight and then averted. Shinji suggests Asuka her parents surely care about her. She proceeds to inform him his father does not give a damn about her and her mother is dead. After few seconds it hit him she was just like him.
 * Latex Space Suit: The plugsuits.
 * Love Makes You Evil: Gendo specifically states his hands are blood-stained because he thought it would be the only way to reunite with his wife. And in an alternate ending,
 * Mama Bear: Naturally, But not how you would expect. Other than the times  to protect Shinji, when  said she did not want to die because she  it activated on its own.
 * Mary Sue: Rakna started to truly like Rei as he wrote the fic, and he started to portray her like such a nice, clever, compassionate and understanding person she bordered on Mary Sue territory. However, he made sure to show she had flaws and made mistakes to try and prevent her from becoming one. Nonetheless it can be a subversion, since ironically
 * Mind Rape: Again, Asuka suffers one at the hands of Arael.
 * Mind Screw: Nearly so many as in the original series.
 * No Export for You: Averted. TOILI has been translated to several idioms: French, German, Portuguese, Spanish, Swedish and Russian, at least. Rakna's newest homepage no longer hosts the links to the translations, but you can find them here.
 * Noodle Incident: Subverted. After Shinji asks what happened between Asuka and rei. Misato mentions off-handily a Cat Fight, but she does not supply details. A side-story, though, narrated what happened between them.
 * OT 3: Averted. After some fans complain about Shinji's choice, the author reasonably argued Shinji could not have got both. One of the pictures illustrating the html files though parodied it: Shinji was hugging both girls and the caption stated: "Why choosing one when you can have both?"
 * Out of Character: Although the author tries to justify, Rei is the most ooc character in the series. The remainder characters on the other hand are pretty spot-on.
 * Parental Substitute: Shinji looks up to Kaji and often goes to him for advice or counseling. And more than once he wondered why could not he be his father.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Done several times by Asuka to HERSELF as a horrified Shinji sees her –someone who he admired by being braver and more confident than him- tearing herself apart.
 * Red Oni, Blue Oni: Asuka and Rei. Their relationship greatly evolves throughout the fanfic. First Asuka detests Rei and Rei ignores her. Later they can not stand each other. Finally, they try to become friends.
 * Roaring Rampage of Revenge: After Shinji goes berserker. He practically channelled Kouji Kabuto (mainly the Shin Mazinger Zero incarnation) in that instant.
 * Roaring Rampage of Revenge: After Shinji goes berserker. He practically channelled Kouji Kabuto (mainly the Shin Mazinger Zero incarnation) in that instant.

""I don't want to die... because... because... I'm... I'm pregnant...""
 * Robeast <=> Eldritch Abomination: The Angels.
 * Running Gag: Shinji falling on top of women.
 * Ship Sinking: Misato/Kaji after Kaji got murdered. Also,
 * Shout-Out: Plenty of them, especially to anime shows (Ranma ½, Sailor Moon, Rurouni Kenshin...) or even fanfic were popular among the fandom back then.
 * Took a Level In Jerkass: Shinji. Several times. You have that time And then you have that another time that he  In his defense, he later admited he had acted wrong and apologized to both girls.
 * That Didn't Happen: When Misato heard Kaji's last message, Shinji tried to reassure her and carry her to her bed (instead of hiding inside his bedroom. That scene alone should show you how much he had already changed for that point). Unluckily -or unluckily- they tripped and he fell on top of her. At the next morning they agree they will not talk about it again.
 * Title Drop: It happens sometimes.
 * Triang Relations: The closer is a Type 7, with Shinji loving both Asuka and rei and both girls in love with him.
 * Tsundere: Asuka.
 * Wham! Line:


 * The Woobie: Honestly, after reading the chapters six and nine or the “Darkness of a Broken Heart” side-story is hard not feeling sorry for Asuka. Shinji has his moments, too.