Can't Believe I Said That

A form of Self-Deprecation. Alice and Bob are having a conversation and Alice says something that provides Bob with an opportunity to respond with a witty or charming comment...and Bob completely blows it. This will generally lead to the conversation being over, leaving Bob to lament his stupidity in saying what he did. This usually takes on one of two forms:

Type A: Bob will repeat his statement to himself, followed by a comment about how stupid he is.

Type B: Bob will say what he should have said in the first place, followed by a comment about how stupid he is.

In slightly less extreme cases, Bob will comment on how stupid the line is rather than personally calling himself stupid. Another variation involves Bob not repeating the previous statement at all, instead opting for "I can't believe I just said that" or "Why did I just say that?"

Compare That's What She Said, Who Writes This Crap?.

Not to be confused with I Can't Believe I'm Saying This.

Film
"Nate: I think you have pretty eyes too. Stupid!"
 * In Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, Dana tells Nate that she "thinks he has pretty eyes" and he gives her a lame response. When she leaves, he says this:

"Natalie: Hello, David. I mean, sir. Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said shit. Twice. I'm so sorry, sir!
 * "...I said lesbians."
 * Gretchen invokes this in Mean Girls, when insulting Regina. It's pretense, of course. She perfectly well meant to say what she said.
 * Star Wars (A New Hope): Han Solo in the detention entryway, over the communications system: "How are you?" He cringes horribly.
 * Love Actually. When meeting David the Prime Minister for the first time, Natalie worries about how she thought '(she) was going to say shit or something and ruin everything.' Then realises that she has indeed, just said shit, and quotes this line verbatim.

David: It's fine, it's fine! You could have said fuck, and then we'd both have been in real trouble.

Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have a terrible premonition I was going to fuck up on my first day. ... Oh, piss it."

Live Action TV
"Brady: Life is a team sport? How stupid does that sound?"
 * Played with in Arrested Development. Michael Bluth often invokes the trope before the other party has even left the room, mouthing "What is wrong with me?" while the other person's eyes are diverted for some reason.
 * In the Sabrina the Teenage Witch episode "Sabrina Through The Looking Glass", Baltimore Oriole star Brady Anderson stars As Himself and serves as Sabrina's spirit guide when she becomes . As she's leaving, he advises her to remember that "life is a team sport." After she goes back, Brady delivers the following line:

"Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
 * Happens in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Welcome to the Hellmouth" as Everyone Meets Everyone:

Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you.

She starts down the hall.

Xander: (unimpressed with himself) We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic."

"Spike: So that's it? You've just come to pump me for information?
 * Also in the musical episode:

Buffy: What else would I want to pump you for? *beat* I really just said that, didn't I?"

"Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
 * From the episode "Listening to Fear":

Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space! ...I did not say that."

"Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Thinking) Gum would be perfection? Gum would be perfection. Could have said, "Gum would be nice," or "I'll have a stick," but no no no no no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself."
 * In the comics it's Satsu's turn to say this. After sleeping with Buffy, a vampire is about to kill her, threatening that he bets she tastes sweet. Satsu dusts him, drawls, "You have no idea," then groans as they had been keeping their lesbian fling a secret.
 * In the episode of Friends "The One With The Blackout", Chandler gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Victoria's Secret model Jill Goodacre. She offers Chandler gum and at first he turns it down. Then he realizes that he shouldn't have and tells her:

"The Doctor:(After noticing some suspicious mold in Craig's flat) I'll fix it, I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister."
 * In the How I Met Your Mother episode when Ted is noticeably upset at his long-distance girlfriend not calling him and Robin invites him over, Ted doesn't even miss a beat immediately commenting out loud at his own corniness. She suggests they drink wine and his response is "Wine not? Wow, that's the stupidest thing I've ever said."
 * Webster in Band of Brothers: "'They got me.' You believe that? You believe I said that?"
 * Doctor Who, from "School Reunion"; "Correctamundo! There's a word I've never used before, and hopefully never will again."
 * From "The Eleventh Hour"; "I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everybody's aunt! And that's not how I'm introducing myself!"
 * Later in that episode; "Final score, no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare, WHO DA MAN?" Beat "Right, I'm not saying that again."
 * From "The Lodger":


 * Rimmer does this at the end of the Red Dwarf episode "Holoship", when he quotes a movie on which earlier he had been heaping contempt: "We won't be apart, we just ... won't be together." (Look of absolute self-disgust.) "I cannot believe I just said that!"

Theatre

 * In Pippin, Charles nobly offers to leave his son Pippin with a word of advice before going, but only comes up with the cliché, "Home is where the heart is." Charles wonders why he said that, and so does Pippin a moment after thanking his father.

Video Games
"Winston: This is just the hired help. Where's The Boss! *beat* I Can't Believe I Just Said That!"
 * Ghostbusters The Videogame: When confronted by the ghosts of a chef and his staff

Web Comics
"Wonderella: "...that's like the worst comeback ever uttered by the human mouth.""
 * A comic of Funny Farm featured Ront describing the steps required to reach the town of Bucket, which involved going through the Phukket river and ends up summarizing it as "Going around the Phukket until they climax in Bucket." and, as his brother cracks up, remarks that he can't believe that sentence just came out of his mouth.
 * This episode of The Non-Adventures of Wonderella.

"Dave: huh
 * Homestuck:

Karkat: WHAT

Dave: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it"