Loser Wears a Dress Harukis Worries (Fanfic)

'''Loser Wears a Dress! Haruki's Worries' is a blooper fic based on a rejected OVA idea for Pretty Cure Mirai Spark'', which centers on the title character, Haruki Fukuda, after he loses a "Loser Wears a Dress" match against his kendo senpai.

"Bodyguard A: Who the hell is that strange girl in that room?
 * Alpha Bitch: Kae A. Dama structures herself as this for her disguise as Kaeko Damai, and boy, does she resort to dirtier tricks than does the average Alpha Bitch.

Bodyguard B: Whoever she is, let's go check it out.

[Bodyguard B walks to the door and opens it, unintentionally setting off a trap behind the door that leads to a Groin Attack on Haruki, who collapses]

Bodyguard A: What an Idiot!.

[Kaeko walks out and notices Haruki's signature Ahoge]

Kaeko: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt a girl with this contraption? Or should I say girly boy?

[Haruki picks himself back up with a look of visible annoyance on his face]

Haruki: Let's just vamoose. She's too much of a bother to waste your time."

"Kaeko: I ought to kill you for being so gay.
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Cure Kame has several times before used her Catch Phrase on Kae for much worse than mocking Haruki just because he had been penalized by being Dragged Into Drag for losing a "Loser Wears a Dress" kendo match. This time, Kame is more fired up as she declares, "You've crossed the line!"
 * Berserk Button: Haruki doesn't really like when people mock him just because he's been Dragged Into Drag. The first time Kaeko does it, he merely shows annoyance, but when she has the audacity to flip his skirt and ask if it's windy inside the school as well, what happens next seems to take even her by surprise.
 * Bury Your Gays: Discussed in one scene:

[Haruki shows visible annoyance but manages to remain calm]

Haruki: You watch your tongue, young lady, because you would not like me when I'm angry."

"P. Tobi: Boss, why didn't I get to impersonate a teacher this time?
 * Call Back: To the last time the Magnificent Trio tried to infiltrate Mirai Academy.

Kae A. Dama: Because last time, you were too careless to listen to me! If you had, maybe the staff wouldn't have found us out and shown us the door!

Cure Tora: Not that it did you any good to leave him behind either. You got Haruki worked up to the point where he lost himself, and I had to yell for security to show you the door once again--and yes, I recognized you all along as Kae Asjun Dama. Small Name, Big Ego, bigger rap sheet.

Kae A. Dama: Glad to see someone knows who I am!"

"Haruki: Let me go, you two! I've still got a bone to pick with that big jerk!
 * Dragged Into Drag
 * Groin Attack: Haruki gets one after his bodyguards fall for an obvious trap (no, not that one). He's knocked down instantly, and when Kaeko gives him a mock apology after emerging from the room, he's visibly annoyed as he picks himself back up.
 * Insult Backfire: Cure Tora, did you not realize that labeling Kae as "Small Name, Big Ego, bigger rap sheet" was certain to make her think you complimented her?
 * OOC Is Serious Business: When Haruki flips his shit and almost punches Kaeko for mocking him, Yasu slams him unusually hard with a Bright Slap and swears at him for losing himself in anger.

[Yasu strikes Haruki in the face]

Yasu: Where the hell did you leave your sense of chivalry!?"

"Kaeko: What are you--don't touch me! You really don't know who I am?
 * The Other Darrin: There are a few, including Yoko Hikasa as the seiyuu for Yasu.
 * Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner: After Haruki proclaims to Shouji that he's got the pride of being the son of Headmistress Fukuda to defend, Shouji tells him, "Then you should have learned from your mother that pride cometh before a fall." Cue the Kiai and a winning strike from Shouji.
 * Precision F-Strike: "Where the hell did you leave your sense of chivalry!?" Coming from anybody else, this would be mild compared to what Izumi sometimes says, but coming from Yasu, not only is this a sign that she's truly pissed, but it's also enough to potentially catch the reader off guard. Haruki also says "damn" the second time Kaeko shows up.
 * Proper Tights with a Skirt: Inverted by Haruki.
 * Rule of Three: It takes three encounters between Kaeko and Haruki before the latter flips his shit at her.
 * That's What She Said: Used by Kaeko as a Your Mom joke toward Haruki; Yasu turns it into an Ironic Echo in her own formal manner as Kaeko is shown the door by security.

Yasu: As the actress said to the bishop."

"Haruki: You know what sucks most about this, Sis? Unlike you, I'm no good at disappearing into a crowd."
 * This Is Gonna Suck: Haruki basically says this early on:

"Shahei A.: You must stop, sister! You've taunted him enough already, and I don't want to get hurt!
 * Shahei also says this when Kaeko decides she's going to launch a sneak attack on Haruki at the end of the day.

Kaeko: I don't give a Goddamn about you or what he said! I'm gonna sneak up on him and act as though the wind is blowing inside the school as well as outside!

Shahei A.: This Is Gonna Suck..."

"Shahei A.: I tried to tell you, sister.
 * This Is Sparta: "You... big... jerk!"
 * Too Dumb to Live: Kae, if only you had listened to your sister and stopped taunting Haruki while the going was good...

Kaeko: It doesn't matter. He already came close to hitting us, and then security showed me the door! I'm calling in Rasa Kooyoo and Potai Tobi for the real confrontation!"

"Yasu: Even if she understood the circumstances fully, you should still control your temper when she pulls such stunts as those! You're right, she is a big jerk for doing that to you, but that's no excuse for losing yourself like that."
 * What an Idiot!: One of Haruki's bodyguards says this after another one opens a door concealing a Groin Attack trap that Kaeko had set up.
 * What the Hell, Hero?: Two instances of this happen in-story. The first is when Izumi, upon learning why Haruki's wearing the female uniform, says, "I'm gonna have a word with my asshole brother because of this." The second is when Yasu gives Haruki a stern lecture after he loses himself in utter rage and almost punches Kaeko.

"Kaeko: My, my. Is it me, or is it windy inside the school building as well as outside?
 * Would Hit a Girl: Almost; Haruki finally lets his rage get the better of him the final time Kaeko mocks him for being in drag (see Berserk Button), never mind that he's been forced into it. And his fist would've connected for sure if Misty and Yasu didn't happen to be on hand to restrain him.
 * Your Mom: Haruki gets this twice from Kaeko right before he tries to punch her.

Haruki: You dirty little... say that again! I dare you!

Kaeko: That's what yo' mama said!

Haruki: WHAT!? How dare you talk smack about my mom like that!

Kaeko: I don't care what you think, yo' mama so concentrated on your sister that she didn't even bat an eyelid when she heard about your situation!

Haruki: You... big... jerk!"


 * You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry: Quoted almost verbatim by Haruki as a way of warning Kaeko to stop making fun of him after the latter makes the mistake of erroneously calling him gay.
 * Zettai Ryouiki: Kaeko sports Grade B.