Nobody Dies/Funny

Okay, Nobody Dies has a lot of awesome... but there is also a lot of funny.

"Maya: "Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all. Nothin' at all. Nothin' at all!"
 * NERV's Merchandizing Department.
 * Especially the entry plugs.
 * And this bit (paraphrased):

Ritsuko: "Stupid Sexy Maya! Okay... maybe I am a lesbian..."

Maya (eavesdropping): Squee!"

""Yes, Mana?"
 * Mana's response to the intended use of Jet Alone Prime against Sahaquiel:

"So I'm getting tossed, hammer first, into a horde of mini angels?"

"Yes," Misato responds.

"F___ing metal.""

"Reaching up, she gives her breasts a tentative squeeze, raising an eyebrow.
 * Asuka's assessment of.

"They're...big?"

She turns on her heel and walks out. Maybe she should get Shinji's opinion."


 * Unit 01 sneezes on Kyoko in Chapter 22...twice...while very poorly attempting to hide its laughter.
 * Rei's replacement Evangelion . Its AI. What its AI is based on. Why China has very, very understandably had a special line of code inserted to prevent the AI ever being loaded. What happens when said line is removed.
 * And then there's exactly how they end up getting it under control.

"Oh.
 * Pieter dragging back to Tokyo-3 in a reference to Independence Day.
 * Ramiel's response to finding Rei and Kensuke inside its head.
 * Ramiel's response to finding Rei and Kensuke inside its head.
 * Ramiel's response to finding Rei and Kensuke inside its head.
 * Ramiel's response to finding Rei and Kensuke inside its head.

Oh.

Oh. Shit."

"What. The. F____."
 * Soon after, Ramiel's internal monologue inspired by a certain whale and an improbability generator.
 * Chapter 30. Gendo Ikari. Babysitter...and Gamemaster. His GMPC is a bard.
 * Rei's

"Shinji: Ichi is Unit 01. She's the AI of the Eva.
 * To Mana's irritation,
 * playing at being Blofeld on a pirate TV broadcast while stroking one of Ritsuko's cats, and demanding "one million helicopters and one dollar."
 * AND also demanding
 * Chapter 19, when explaining WHY Asuka and Shinji are looking at a miniature, robot Rei:
 * Chapter 19, when explaining WHY Asuka and Shinji are looking at a miniature, robot Rei:


 * beat* while Ichi rips a dandelion apart

Uri: Does that mean Unit 01 is a 200 foot tall version of Ayanami?

Mana: Thanks, Uri. I'd gotten tired of being able to sleep at night."

"[[spoiler:"Congratulations, Ikari," Colbert says, "You've just made the List!"
 * The end of Chapter 34. Gendo. Vs. FIGHT!
 * Includes this choice bit:

The aide whispers in his ear.

"Okay," Colbert corrects, "You're already on the List. But now you're at Threat Level Down, bitch."]]"

""It builds character.", Gendo says.
 * ...and then there's Shinji's summation of the end of ch. 34.

"F___ you."

"Don't say that around your mother.""


 * Anything involving
 * Anything involving

"Kei: "A liberal interpretation says that I do not need to care for you.""
 * in the same conversation when Canon!Rei calls Canon!Asuka a "Raging bitch"
 * Continuing with the previous theme: In ch. 44, a therapy scene with Shinji and Asuka turns into a makeout session...
 * Terrifying!Rei's interactions with Creepy!Rei.
 * discover Dance Dance Revolution.
 * Chapter 49 has an absurd number:
 * Kei demonstrates an alarmingly logical method of working herself out of her obligation to Shinji. She ought to consider a career in law, that girl.

"Shinji: So... you're one of Rei's sisters?
 * Kei meeting Shinji.

Kei: Yes, and I do not desire you sexually.

Shinji: Well, that's good, I mean...

Kei: However, a three-way with you and Miss Sohryu would be acceptable. If she was interested, of course."

Shinji: ...And I was about to say you remind me of Mom. *Face Palm*

Kei: Perhaps I should start over..."

""And you're a 15 foot tall spider tank remotely piloted by my sisters with a raised LCL filled piloting chamber so I won't spread this damn thing to anyone else."
 * The Ree coming to the rescue!

In the doorway, the Reemobile raises and lowers its 16 eyed head.

"Okay," he says, and groans, "I'm hopped up on antibiotics and sedative. It's dark out, we've got an Angel in the city, a full tank of LCL..."

He flicks his wrist, a pair of amber lenses picked up from the end table in his hand, dropped from a miniscule black portal.

"And I'm wearing sunglasses."

He slides them on. A grin crosses his slightly green features.

"Let's ride.""

""I'm going to wake up Mr. Nagisa," she says, and pushes off, floating towards Kaworu, "Hold on."
 * And before this, there's Hikari's assessment of Kaworu.
 * Chapter 50 has Kaji's pickup line flash cards coming back, this time used by.
 * Chapter 52, in which Annette shows us you should Beware the Nice Ones
 * Chapter 52, in which Annette shows us you should Beware the Nice Ones

She floats over to him, gently taking him by the collar. Almost tenderly, she places her hand on the side of his face, the other hand on his shoulder...

And then she knees him between the legs as hard as she can. Uri throws up a little in his mouth as Kaworu's eyes open with an almost inhuman scream, and the timer disappears.

"That did it!""


 * Chapter 53 and the entry of the Wuffletron 9000.
 * Chapter 54. ALL of Chapter 54. Misato sums it up about halfway in: "Shinji, Asuka, and Rei have engaged several mini-angels to a Dance Battle. Dr. Ikari is high as a kite. Dr. Sohryu set Mrs. Makinami on fire. And Sub Director Sohryu has engaged Junior in a fist fight to save the virginity of his daughter." Oh, and even more Hilarity Ensues later on.
 * Junior quotes "The Bro Code" at the end.
 * Chapter 55. Two words.  This troper just cracked up laughing the second he saw it.
 * Chapter 10. Eight-Year-Old!Rei and a squeaky mallet.

"Gendo: We're not going to get any more done by blatantly undermining Dr. Sohryu's authority.
 * Followed by Asuka thinking at least Rei must be more mature now, as
 * Gendo and Yui discuss the upcoming arrival of Kyoko:

Yui: How about subtly undermining her authority?

Gendo: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Yui: I think so, dear. But I have no idea where we would get saran wrap in that bulk."

""IT'S RAPING MY FACE!""
 * Rei surprises Shinji in the boys' shower. Because there's just so much room to dance around in there!
 * Chapter 30.
 * Sandwiching a Crowning Moment of Awesome as he saves Asuka from a date rapist, the image of Gendo singing "99 Luftballoons" and "Play That Funky Music, White Boy" is enough to get any fan rolling on the floor.
 * Rei being taught to drive. "RAMP!"
 * Chapter 20 has multiple people trying to play matchmaker for Uri, including Kyoko, who determines with cold logic that is the most appropriate choice for him.
 * Chapter 58 : Gendo ends up jumping into a virtual reality game the Ree made for Ichi's birthday several years back to save everyone from a rampant Narrator AI. His choice of character?
 * Zwei being given a dog body, and promptly mistaking a squirrel for an Angel. "We really should have seen that coming."
 * Chapter 67 : "MY BABY BOY!"
 * Portal entry: Unit 01's horn. Portal exit: Shinji's crotch.
 * A scheduling screwup puts Yui and Pieter together in the honeymoon suite...and Yui's still packed for her second honeymoon.
 * Just about all of the convention scenes in Chapter 63. Special mention to the Ree trying to get Spike Spencer and Tiffany Grant locked in a room together, and Misato comparing a crowd full of Rei cosplayers to the last thing you see before you die.
 * Unit 01's party hat. That is all.
 * Chapter 68: The Israfelim PSA.

""Standing around the table in the briefing room, used as an impromptu theatre, Yui Ikari takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes, smacking herself to try to tell herself that was all just a very bad dream. But no. She is awake. She saw that. Now she's trying to figure out what it was.
 * Pretty much all of Chapter 71, with both the reveal that, and Shinji having every girl in school being violently attracted to him.
 * This is topped by chapter 72, where Asuka, in order to get out of the school where Shinji was trapped, has to defeat Shinji's seven evil half sisters!
 * There's one particular thing in the chapter that I fouDINOSAUR TANK.
 * "What the hell is Kung Pow?"
 * And the reveal that
 * In chapter 63, Pieter giving the director of the in-universe NERV anime and movie a black eye over the infamous "Shinji masturbates over a comatose Asuka" scene. Best. Take That. Ever.
 * Quite true, although in my opinion, Yui's reaction to the final episode is pretty dang close.
 * In chapter 63, Pieter giving the director of the in-universe NERV anime and movie a black eye over the infamous "Shinji masturbates over a comatose Asuka" scene. Best. Take That. Ever.
 * Quite true, although in my opinion, Yui's reaction to the final episode is pretty dang close.

"What did I just see?"

"The season finale," Pieter explains, slumping into one of the swivel chairs, "As it turns out, the MAGI has been rewriting the scripts at Gainax. So technically, the Ree wrote the anime."

"I...that made no sense. Why was Shinji sitting in a metal folding chair? Why was everyone congratulating him? What the Hell was going on there?""

"Lilly: You are fluffy and you make a funny noise. I will call you Snuggles."
 * That scene made at least one troper literally fall out of his chair with laughter.
 * Anything involving Lilly.
 * While not strictly canon, this video based around Lilly is good for a chuckle.

"While Kiko, they just notice, has on a pink and white plug suit with exaggerated A-10 connectors resembling bunny ears, the others are all dressed differently. Iti is wearing overalls and carrying a rake. Nana is dressed in a red body suit with a beret. Hatchi has a bandana on, a jacket over her plug suit, and boots over her feet. Zyuu is dressed in a french maid outfit. And Siyon is... Well, Siyon is a tree."
 * The last line of the introduction of the Ree in Chapter 57.

""No! Fuck you, Staypuff! I've got a hard drive where my uterus was! I keep all my illegally downloaded songs there! You fail!""
 * Chapter 61.  facing off against   Her answer?

"Yui holds up the sign, written in super sized letters, 'She is mentally six years old. PS: I WILL END YOU IF I HAVE TO TELL HER WHERE BABIES COME FROM.'"
 * Yui and Pieter's reaction to Panty and Stocking With Garterbelt.
 * Everyone showing up naked in a hallway after leaving Instrumentality. Including a very hairy Gendo.
 * And during the Beach Episode, in the midst of a fight between Uri and Shinji (Long story, involving Shinji's dingaling and Asuka's hooha):

""GIVE ME YOUR FACE""
 * Pretty much the rest of the chapter too, including the introduction of Zophael as she tries to talk to a beach ball, Rei and Zyuu, and most of all
 * Shinji, Makoto, and Gendo robbing a bank dressed as Rei, the Riddler, and himself respectively.
 * And the aftermath: "I hate you so much I can feel it in my balls. And that's with me wearing a dress."
 * The Magi taking control of a dozen mini-rei Avatar bodies and proceeding to sing several lines of 'Still Alive' as the new personality reveals itself
 * Chapter 78:

"Gendo: So, let's establish a plan. Dancing first, then spitting, then urinating on grave.
 * Makoto stuck with an armed Misato in his lap while being chased by Tamiel. "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me..."
 * Almost all of Chapter 80. To elaborate:
 * Chapter 81 does the impossible and makes a Complete Monster kicking the dog from beyond the grave completely hilarious. "And another boot to the head for my drunken bastard."
 * Also, Gendo's
 * Chapter 81 does the impossible and makes a Complete Monster kicking the dog from beyond the grave completely hilarious. "And another boot to the head for my drunken bastard."
 * Also, Gendo's
 * Chapter 81 does the impossible and makes a Complete Monster kicking the dog from beyond the grave completely hilarious. "And another boot to the head for my drunken bastard."
 * Also, Gendo's
 * Also, Gendo's

Yui: Let's not forget, dear, some people may actually be mourning him.

Gendo: Their loss."

"Shinji: Honk.."
 * Chapter 82 isn't even OUT yet, but a preview already has the entire forum exploding with laughter

"Zeruel: Oh my. That's f_ing rich. You're so f_ing gay, Tabris, you worked out how to have kids without needing to go near the icky girls. Even for you, that's gay."
 * Now that chapter 82 is out, allow this troper to elaborate: Shinji does that to Asuka's tushie in front of Uri...So he can have Uri beat the Reeishness out of him.
 * ALL of Shinji and Uri as roommates. Especially their and Hikari's epic Flat What reaction to what the Reego have been up to.
 * This hilarious Zeruel moment from the sister story Six AIs, One Continent:

"Shinji: Please tell me you don't have cameras in Misato's bathroom.
 * "Yeah, just ignore the camera. Its not like I was planning to videotape you two making out or anything."
 * Misato nonchalantly explain to Yui about how
 * 00-Em A9 (one of the Keiworu, and the Reego's official crony and Dark Magical Girl, despite his protests that he's not a girl) downloads himself into How's that for a Brick Joke?
 * From the same chapter, Merril the Murder Kitteh.
 * Let's play Wolf Pack!
 * To clarify: The Reego decide to play a game of hide and seek with their Uncle Shinji. Unfortunately, It gets worse when
 * Shinji gives Ichi the Talk.
 * Zyuu's email to Yui about Shipping Rei (it includes kidnapping Daniel Craig), and Yui's reaction as all the pop culture references fly over her head.
 * Asuka's road trip with Yui, who downs Red Bull just as much as Misato with beer, and awkwardly tries to make girl talk about her "first biological grandchild."
 * Asuka discovering Shinji's porn collection.
 * Shortly before Shinji contemplates that his mother is probably watching the whole thing. Almost immediately his fears are confirmed.

Yui: I have cameras everywhere."

"Misato: "Yo humanity, yo Momma's so fat"
 * The Keiwaru discovering 4Chan.
 * Asuka discovering  porn collection.
 * Oh, and it's
 * Misato's very helpful clarification of.

"Leliel: "Hey, guys, I found Dad!"
 * The (most likely non-canon) Angel Chat Room, taking place during Chapter 19:

Zeruel: "F___ing dandy."

Leliel: "Yeah! He's inside me!"


 * extremely long pause*

Sandalphon: "Who wants to sing?"

Leliel: "No, no. I mean, he's in the Dirac Sea, and since I'm the Dirac... well, okay, but anyway: I've opened a portal, so we can all watch him f___ up the Lilim!"

Bardiel: "Sounds like a plan! Let's watch!"

...

Matariel: "...holy crap."

Tabris: "Oh... dear..."

Armisael: "Did you see that? Did. You. See. That? Dad's not moving... they killed him... and now they're going to kill us! Holy f_____________!"

Arael: "All in favor of just dropping the moon on them?""

"Arael: "Um... hello?"
 * And then Rei somehow logs in.

TEHREI: "Heeeee~ey..."

Armisael: "Uh, fu-"

TEHREI: "What'cha doin'?"

Zeruel: "...stuff."

Matariel: "Guys... don't move. As long as you don't move she can't see you."

Zeruel: "That was the dinosaurs, numbskull. You know, the ones Dad killed with his own bloody hands, and then finished them off with a meteor?"

TEHREI: "Sooooooo... which of you guys is next?"

Matariel: "NOT IT!"

TEHREI: "Hey. So if your dad is the brother of my other mom, does that make us cousins? Sooooo, wouldn't that make my family part of your family?"

Arael: *gulp* "That... does make sense."

TEHREI: "Oh. My. God. That's AWESOME! We can have picnics, and get-togethers, and play stupid board games... and in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES!"

Israfel: "I like waffles.""


 * Nobody Dies chapter 34 has as one person put it: "we have Ikari Gendou and the President of the United States, Stephen Colbert, in a fist fight on international television on Larry King Live... and it's entirely reasonable for this to happen." Its kind of hard to top that.