John Wells/Funny

Who says spy novel can't be funny?

"Shafer: Now's really not the time, John.
 * After the climactic fight in Midnight House, Wells checks himself in the bathroom, finding his testicles swollen. Shafer walks in right when he pokes his testicles.

Wells: Funny, Ellis."

"The OPFOR, opposing force, was probably not AQAP—Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula. No, the OPFOR was UNK, unknown. But it appeared HT/HC, highly trained and capable. The SIM, Saudi Interior Ministry, had not asked for TECH/LOG, technical or logistical help. The CIA and NSA judged that the SIM was not close to catching the OPFOR.
 * Read this:

The reports made Kurland’s HH, head hurt."

"Op leader: What do you think?
 * Midnight House. CIA ops had just retrieved a secret laptop of Pakistani terrorist. This conversation ensues as they boot it up.

Really hot Paki porn.

They have hot porn?

No. That’s why it’s so special.

Horse porn.

Horse-dog porn.

A horse doing a dog? That’s just sick. Where do you get that, Task?"

"The job was becoming stranger by the day, Wells thought. Arrested, or not quite arrested, by the director of national intelligence for a mission they were carrying out on behalf of the director of central intelligence.
 * Also, in Midnight House. Wells and Shafer get caught in some agency turf-war snafu.

Wells: We should go to Congress. Tell them they need to appoint a director of planetary intelligence to sort this out.

Shafer: Why stop there? I was thinking galactic.

Wells: Universal."

"Shafer: Brant Murphy. Brant F. Murphy. Know what the F stands for?
 * Midnight House again. This one, when Shafer and John have their investigation pinned and stuck at an Obstructive Bureaucrat.

Wells: I can guess.

Shafer: This guy's like a bad dream. Everywhere we turn.

Wells: Ellis. You said you don't believe in big conspiracies.

Shafer: I'm starting to.

Wells: Me, too."


 * Secret Soldier. While investigating a jihadi safehouse, Wells finds a Victoria Secret catalogue, "the saddest piece of not-quite-pornography he had ever seen."