Histeria!/Funny

"Ivar: There's nothing scary here at all, is there? It's like all your ship's figureheads are being designed by a three-year-old!
 * Chit Chatterson plays a boat salesman to Ivar the Boneless, a viking who sounds like John Cleese, who is planning to invade England and has come to purchase a ship with a savage-looking figurehead. Chit shows him boats with figureheads of a kitten, a baby duck, a puppy, and a butterfly, claiming them to be a lion, a dragon, a wolf, and a hawk, respectively, and tries without success to convince his customer that these figureheads are anything but what they actually are.

Chit: Oh, that's just not true!

Ivar: No?

Chit: No! Actually, I don't think he's over twelve months. [camera pans to reveal that Big Fat Baby is designing the figureheads]"

"Columbus: Crow's nest! You see anything?
 * Froggo's reactions to not being given a bag of marshmallows and a crate of leeches, and then a tambourine and a vat of spam, in "The History of Flight".
 * Loud's rant to Christopher Columbus in "Around the World in a Daze":

Loud: LEMMIE CHECK, CAPTAIN! [peers through periscope] OH MY GOSH!! STRAIGHT AHEAD! YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!

Columbus: What is it?

Loud: GUESS!

Columbus: Land?

Loud: [imitates buzzer] OH, I'M SO SORRY, NO! IT'S WATER!! YES, WATER! MILES AND MILES OF WATER! BUT WAIT! WHAT'S OVER THERE?! OH MY GOLLY! MORE WATER! WAIT! HOW ABOUT THAT THERE!? GUESS WHAT! MORE WATER! [tosses periscope away] YESTERDAY, WATER! THE DAY BEFORE, WATER! FOR THE PAST 70 DAYS, WATER! NOTHING BUT WATER! [face turns red] YOU STARTING TO GET THE PICTURE, CAPTAIN!?

Columbus: I think the crow's nest needs a little vacation."

"Loud: (quietly as crew sleeps) See it...see it...see it... DON'T SEE IT!  DON'T SEE IT! DON'T SEE IT! See it...See it..."
 * Loud Kiddington's outing as Erik The Red also gave him a funny lookout job, demonstrating how vikings kept land in sight in order to navigate.

"Viking crew: (exhausted) We saw it...we saw it...we saw it..."
 * After their journey to North America, entailing WEEKS if not MONTHS of being out of sight of land with Loud's ceaseless screaming...

"Lucky Bob: I spy, something that begins with the letter "B".
 * Anything involving Lucky Bob. For example:

Cho-Cho: Blinking lights?

Lucky Bob: Nope.

Cho-Cho: Big moon outside window?

Lucky Bob: No.

Cho-Cho: Black darkness of deep outer space?

Lucky Bob: No.

Cho-Cho: A bagel?

Lucky Bob: No.

Cho-Cho: A blitz?

Lucky Bob: No.

Caption: 55 HOURS LATER

Cho-Cho: A bupka?

Lucky Bob: No.

Cho-Cho: Big Fat Flying Baby?

Lucky Bob: No.

Cho-Cho: A Bob who is lucky?

Lucky Bob: Uh... no.

Cho-Cho: Bursting blood vessels in the astronauts' necks?

Astronauts: TELL HER ALREADY!!

Sammy Melman: WHAT DO YOU SPY THAT BEGINS WITH A "B"?!!

Lucky Bob: Chocolate!"

"Bill Straitman: Well, tell us, what is this one called?
 * Makes a little bit of sense (but still not enough, considering Lucky Bob), when he probably meant Bite of Chocolate. The chocolate bar he showed had a big bite mark on it.
 * Bill Straitman interviewing Hakon the Good about how vikings named their swords.

Hakon the Good: Oh, this one here? This is Bob! Bob the Sss-word!

Bill Straitman: Bob?

Hakon the Good: Right! And that's Timmy over there! And right here is Greta! Greta likes Timmy, don't you, Greta? [as Greta] "That's right! I want to marry Timmy!" [as himself] But not if Bob has anything to say about it! Right, Bob? [as Bob] "That's right! You can't marry Timmy; I want to marry you!" [as Greta] "But I love Timmy!" [as Bob] "Too bad! You're marryin' me!" [as Timmy] "Over my dead body!" says Timmy! [as Bob] "Oh yeah?!" [as Timmy] "Yeah!" [as Bob] "Well then, let's go at it!""

"Toast: Pizza's here!
 * Toast delivering pizza to Rene Descartes:

Descartes: What?

Toast: Here's your pepperoni pizza with extra barbecue sauce, hold the anchovies.

Descartes: I didn't order any pizza!

Toast: Yeah ya did, I got the order right here.

René Descartes: That is not my address; this is for Galileo. He lives in Italy.

Toast: Well, I don't think I can get there in a half-hour or less."

"Edgar Allan Poe: I've just completed a rewrite we can all be proud of! Johnathan Livingston's Seagull is now a bloodthirsty vampire bat named Caroline, who is mysteriously compelled to fly into the propeller of an airplane, on the first page! [laughs evilly]
 * "Hi gang, Pop Quiz here! We ask several historical questions for our players then act flabbergasted at their overwhelming ignorance!"
 * From the Superwriters sketch:

Basho: It is still too long! [screams and slices Poe's book in half]"

"Andrew Jackson: Now listen up! I'm General Andrew Jackson!
 * "Super Amazing Constitutions":

Aka Pella: Oooh, are you related to Michael Jackson?

Andrew Jackson: No! Although I do have an uncle who looks a lot like Tito. Now clear out! This here's no place for children.

Aka Pella: It could be if you put in swings and a jungle gym."

"Elmer: Aah, finished! West and wewaxation at wast! And thanks to your help, it only took fouteen yeaws to compwete.
 * At the end of the sketch where Elmer Fudd, as Gutzon Borglum, and Loud, as his son Lincoln, build Mt. Rushmore:

Loud: Aww, you're only saying that because I'm your son.

Elmer: No, I'm saying that because working awone, I could've finished it in six yeaws!!"


 * From Presidential People, a catchy YMCA-style number starring George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt and Thomas Jefferson as the Motorcycle Cop, the Cowboy, the Construction Worker, and the Native American.