Brain Donors



"Jacques: Are you Roland T. Flakfizer?

Flakfizer: That all depends. Do I owe you money?

Jacques: No.

Flakfizer: In a drunken stupor, did I promise to marry you?

Jacques: No.

Flakfizer: Then I'm your man!"

Brain Donors is a 1992 comedy film produced by David and Jerry Zucker and released by Paramount Pictures. It is a modern remake of the Marx Brothers' A Night at the Opera, starring John Turturro, Mel Smith, and Bob Nelson as the Expy Marxes.

The plot begins when Lillian Oglethorpe uses the fortunes of her recently-deceased tycoon husband to start a ballet company in his name. Through some fast-talking shenanagins, Ambulance Chaser Roland T. Flakfizer (Turturro) is appointed director of the company, over Mr. Oglethorpe's attorney Edmund Lazlo. With the help of taxi driver Rocco Melonchek (Smith) and handyman Jacques (Nelson), Flakfizer tries to build up the company while pairing up star-crossed dancers Alan Grant and Lisa Le Baron. They are opposed by Lazlo's efforts to discredit Flakfizer and take control of the company for himself, while the egotistical international ballet star Roberto Volare has his own eyes on Lisa.

As you might expect given the pedigrees involved, much, much Hilarity Ensues.

""Please, call me what everyone else calls me: 'Your Royal Sex Machine.'""
 * Ambulance Chaser: Roland T. Flakfizer is literally an Ambulance Chaser -- his very first appearance in the film features him chasing an ambulance on foot to the scene of an automobile accident, where he immediately begins to yell about the impending lawsuits he plans to file.
 * Amoral Attorney: Edmund Lazlo, personal attorney to the late Mr. Oglethorpe. He only appears benevolent to Lillian, but is clearly interested in the directorship only for the money.
 * Book Ends: The claymation sequences.
 * Brick Joke:.
 * Casanova Wannabe: Flakfizer talks a great game, at any rate.

"Volare: "Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?"
 * Cloudcuckoolander / Genius Ditz: Jacques.
 * Comedic Sociopathy: In the best Marx Brothers tradition, none of the three protagonists buy into the significance of anything that happens in the movie. Rocco and Jacques are sometimes allied with Flakfizer, sometimes antagonists ... and it doesn't matter in the least.
 * A Date with Rosie Palms

Flakfizer: "I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind."

Volare: "I was dancing professionally!"

Flakfizer: "Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel...""

"Rocco: "We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology."
 * Disguised in Drag: Jacques dresses up as a ballerina during Volare's premiere.
 * Dressing as the Enemy: Flakfizer et al dress up as doctors to infiltrate a hospital and recover an incriminating letter from Lazlo.

Roland: "Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient."

Doctor: "I thought you were cardiologists..."

Rocco: "Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north."

Roland: "Why do you think we have such long instruments?""

"Rocco: [as a dog rips his trouser leg] "What a charming little animal."
 * Executive Meddling / Screwed By The Studio: The movie was originally filmed as Lame Ducks by Paramount. However, when the Zuckers left for another studio, Paramount scrapped the planned publicity campaign, changed the title, and withdrew the film after its initial screenings (though the film did make it onto home video months later and has even seen a DVD release).
 * Extended Disarming / Hyperspace Arsenal: Done in montage when the heroes have been arrested. During jail processing, Jacques empties the pockets of his pants and longcoat, revealing an ever-growing pile of odd items including a baby bottle, fire extinguisher, rubber alligator, bicycle pump, a feather duster, and what might be his own foot.
 * Foreign Queasine: Referenced in passing.

Lillian: "Do you know dogs, Mister Melonchek?"

Rocco: "Know dogs? I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant!""

"[Talking on cellular phone] "How did the market close? Uh-huh. Well, roll over my amalgamated, split my utilities, and double my capital venture overlays. Now call me in an hour, and tell me what the hell I'm talking about!""
 * Grande Dame: Lillian Oglethorpe, in true Margaret Dumont fashion.
 * Hammerspace: See the entry for Extended Disarming, above.
 * Hospital Hottie: The hot nurse that appears in the stop-motion Book Ends
 * Homage: The entire movie is a feature-length homage to the Marx Brothers.
 * Humiliation Conga: Happens to Volare at the premiere in front of hundreds of spectators.
 * Hyperspace Mallet: When the trio decide to "take care of" egotistical ballet star Volare, Jacques pulls a huge wooden sledgehammer out of nowhere. He is, unfortunately, restrained from actually using it.
 * Jerkass: Roberto Volare has an impressively inflated ego due to his status in the ballet world, and is unrestrained about using it to woo Lisa away from Alan.
 * Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Flakfizer might be a money-seeking Ambulance Chaser, but he's sincere about pairing up Alan and Lisa, despite Volare's intentions.
 * Karmic Trickster: Flakfizer's group is this to Volare, especially during the premiere.
 * Mobile Kiosk: At one point, Jacques produces and expands a collapsible office desk, complete with collapsible computer, collapsible printer, and inflatable secretary.
 * Mock Millionaire: Flakfizer plays the role when he inspects the theater before the premiere, complete with stretch limousine, pimp jacket, and bikini-clad admirers.

"Rocco: [grabbing magazines] "Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.""
 * Never Trust a Trailer: The video cover claims that this movie is "In the tradition of Abbott and Costello, The Three Stooges and The Reagan Administration". In reality, this is a remake of a Marx Brothers movie and doesn't take after the humor of Abbott and Costello or the Stooges at all.
 * Pillow Pregnancy: Done as part of Flakfizer's introduction. When he arrives at the scene of a minor car accident and sees a woman passenger, he immediately sticks an instant-inflating pillow under her dress and yells loudly about the liability due to her condition.
 * Porn Stash: Jacques sets one up for Lazlo during the reading of the Oglethorpe will.

"Flakfizer: "And that spells cash with a capital..."
 * Rapid-Fire Comedy: Very much so.
 * Ring Ring CRUNCH: Part of Jacques' morning routine. He even has a dresser drawer full of broken alarm clock parts and a closet full of new clocks for this purpose.
 * Rule of Funny: The only thing that drives the plot.
 * The State Room Sketch: Happens in Volare's dressing room before the premiere.
 * Stop Motion: The opening title and end credit sequences are done in Claymation.
 * Totally Eighteen: At one point the trio is awakened suddenly, and the first thing out of Roland T. Flakfizer's mouth is "She looked eighteen, officer, I swear!"
 * Trickster Archetype: Roland T. Flakfizer, fitting as an Expy of Groucho Marx.
 * Why Do You Keep Changing Jobs?: Rocco is not only a cab driver, but also cleans swimming pools and runs his own toupee business. In fact, he's only driving the cab as a sideline -- as soon as he gets his driver's license, he's out of there.
 * With a Capital T

Jacques: "K!"

Flakfizer: "You should go back to school."

Jacques: "I hated teaching.""