The Tourist/Funny

"Frank: My name's Frank.
 * Frank's and Elsie's first meeting on the train:

Elsie: That's a terrible name.

Frank: (shrugs) It's the only one I've got.

Elsie: Perhaps we can find you a new one."

"Elsie: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
 * Frank's attempts to invite Elsie to dinner.

Frank: What?

Elsie: (gives him a look)

Frank: Would you like to have dinner?

Elsie: Women don't like questions.

Frank: Join me for dinner.

Elsie: Too demanding.

Frank: Join me for dinner?

Elsie: Another question.

Frank: (thinks for a moment) I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.

Elsie: (smiles at him)"

"Frank: Fuck.
 * When Frank sees Elsie in her evening wear.

Elsie: Gives look.

Frank: You're ravenous.

Elsie: Do you mean 'ravishing'?

Frank: I do.

Elsie: You're ravenous.

Frank: I am."

"Frank: (into the phone) Hello? Please help!
 * When the two thugs are trying to break into Frank's hotel room and he calls the reception for help.

Concierge: (answering phone) Buongiorno, signore.

Frank: Buongiorno- I, I need help! There are two men trying to break down the door...

Concierge: I see, what kind of problem do you have with the door, sir?

Frank: No, no, no! There are two men with guns trying to break in! Dos hombres, con... con pistolas!

Concierge: Your Spanish is excellent, sir.

Frank: Thank you...

(The thugs start to shoot out the door lock)

Frank: Ah, I gotta go! (Frank drops the phone and exits through the window)

Concierge: Sir? (slams down the receiver) American!"


 * Fleeing his would-be assailants, Frank runs along rooftops, leaps across a gap to an awning, and dashes through a crowded marketplace... in his pajamas. The chase ends when he runs into a policeman (literally), and is promptly arrested. (Yes, the whole sequence is very reminiscent of Jack Sparrow.)

"Policeman: You wish to report a murder.
 * After Frank narrowly escapes the two thugs.

Frank: Attempted murder.

Policeman: That's not so serious.

Frank: Not when you downgrade it from murder. But when you upgrade it from room service, it's quite serious."

"Shaw: (checking new suit in mirror) Does it look all right?
 * Right after Shaw strangles an incompetent minion with a measuring tape.

Bodyguard: (nervous) Yes. Like always.

Shaw: What's always?

Bodyguard: Very good.

Shaw: Yes, I think it looks all right."

"You know, Alexander was like a son to me. I loved him. That brilliant, playful, disrespectful young bastard. I even thought that he and I were two of a kind. Oh, I took great pleasure in never knowing what this man would do next. Until one day what he did next didn't give me any pleasure at all."
 * Shaw referring to Alexander's stealing millions of dollars from him.

"Elsie: Twenty million dollars worth of plastic surgery and that's the face you choose?
 * At the end, as the two are escaping on a boat.

Frank: You don't like it?

Elsie: (smiles) It will do."