Not Always Right/Funny

From Not Always Right
Many of them, but a here's a few to start things off.
 * "Short Pimp".
 * (Little Red Riding) In Da 'Hood. Most adorable "gangster" ever.
 * Cheese?
 * "Those are [cat nipples."]
 * "But congratulations, because I can’t imagine it was a simple task.”
 * "Yes, and if she would listen I wanted a PS2!"
 * "Sergeant Transvestite?"
 * Of course he's not a sir. He worked for a living!
 * Someone should tell him "You have died of dysentery."
 * "I'm coming around there, and I'm gonna eat you!"
 * "So, what just happened?"
 * Symphony in Underage Minor
 * EXACTLY!
 * "What's the cheapest thing you got in here?"
 * We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson.
 * "I AM THE LARGE MOUNTAIN JEW!"
 * Woo-hoo!
 * Yes, are you finished?
 * "Do any of y'all speak American?"
 * Walk like a customer!
 * "Aha, so you met the peaches guy"
 * Se Habla Japañol
 * "The escalator loses power and then woosh!"
 * "D***! I missed Fanny Pack Guy?!"
 * “Tigers are made of polyester?”
 * The pen is mightier than the brain
 * All of the Freudian Slip examples on the main page.
 * “Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?”.
 * Where DID this woman go to school?
 * Tell me, do you get any extra brimstone with that deal?
 * You said flipping off the modem would probably fix it! I've been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now and nothing's happening!
 * Well, I can nod at the phone...
 * IT'S ON FIRE!!
 * Ooooooooh.
 * Watch him not open it.
 * No, all those kids are not hers.
 * Wrong God, ma'am.
 * He really wants those shirts.
 * "I'm looking for my favorite kind of nuts."
 * "This iMac didn't come with a monitor", which confuses the tech-support guy. See the answer.
 * "Ees blue, and blue on de teeng!!"
 * Teri-yucky!
 * "It's time. Get out your key."
 * "How much for my daughter?"
 * Some Chinese customers decide to "return the favor" to Jews on Christmas.
 * Just about any story where a little kid inadvertently exposes their parents' scam by being truthful can count (and make you go "aww" at their innocence).
 * A woman calls a local library, claiming that "the Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”. That in itself is pretty funny due to how incredibly bizarre that sounds, but what makes it even better is that one of the librarians, who happens to be a Mormon himself, deadpans that he and the other Mormons are indeed shocking her genitals.
 * Do you believe in unicorns?
 * Did anyone else think "I'm a unitard!" after reading that?
 * "FRAPPE FOR BATMAN!"
 * "Gotham is safe."

From Not Always Romantic

 * Not the answer he was expecting...
 * This guy doesn't quite understand the meaning of the word "lesbian". Hilariously enough, he calls himself one after learning that the girl he's trying to flirt with turns out to be one.

From Not Always Related

 * Traumatizing your grandchildren: a time-honored way of keeping peace and quiet.
 * "They brought you back."
 * Super Baby!
 * This little girl has an interesting way of playing with her dollies.
 * "Who's there?" Eggnog!
 * Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
 * See! She thinks I'm cool.
 * "I've given you enough secs already!"