Nikita (TV series)/Funny

""There's more guardians out there, just like me."

"That's okay. I have a plan."

"You do?"

"Phase one, find them. Phase two, kick their asses. Phase three, veggie shakes! It seems to be working great with you.""

"Malcolm:(about ) Who's this guy?
 * "You wanna be the bunny or the piggy?"
 * Nikita explaining how she hates explaining her plans by explaining the plan.
 * The Engineer and Birkhoff playing Mortal Kombat.
 * Even funnier when one realises that it was not yet out! Shows that Division has all levels of power...even over Netherrealm Studios.
 * Birkhoff telling Michael to stop obsessing over the recruits (like Nikita and Alex) because "it's getting kind of creepy."
 * Michael's repeated line of "I don't like that guy" in regards to Owen in 1x18.
 * "Betrayals" has one very good moment (which, considering the nature of the episode, is a highlight):

Nikita: No one. We just sleep together."

"Alex: This hacker stuff is really... complicated.
 * 's expression when she says this is rather funny, too.
 * The "two deltoids" that must follow Birkhoff everywhere in "Betrayals" ("even follow [him] to the bathroom") until he
 * And Birkhoff being in his jim-jams whilst talking about this aforementioned government-secret-containing box with the potential to destroy the country.
 * Birkhoff's rant when the recruits fail his hacking exercise and Alex calls it hard.

Birkhoff: Actually, it's not, it's simple, because, you see, I do all the hacker stuff. I write the expolit. I even make it look like a video game so your tween minds can understand it!"

"Ryan: I expect you to break me out of prison the second you have the chance."
 * The flashback in 1x04 of Nikita challenging Michael to a fight with one hand behind his back. The funniest part? He wins. But what really sells it is when he lands the first blow and she chuckles, "Michael!" in a teasing tone and finishes the scene off by calling him a tease.
 * After Nathan answers Alex's home phone, he gets Michael instead of the delivery guy and notes: "He sounds like Batman."
 * After all hell breaks loose during Alex's first mission, Michael asks if she's okay and she exclaims: "HELL NO!"
 * When Ryan gives Nikita a chance to escape by pointing a gun at his boss.

"Birkhoff: I need you to tell Division that I'm not working with you guys.
 * Birkhoff in the season premiere.

Michael: You rescued us to prove you're not helping us?

Nikita: Aw, nerd...you're lonely.

Birkhoff: I am not!

Nikita: You rescued us because you're lonely, and you have no friends."

"Michael: By the way, Birkhoff is not working with us."
 * And later, when Michael is speaking to Amanda over video chat and their new nerds manage to track where he is, Birkhoff loses it and jumps in front of the camera, giving a huge, hilarious rant ending in "It takes a whole squadron of you rejects to even get CLOSE to me, AND I WANT YOU ALL TO DIE KNOWING THAT!" There's a brief pause, and then Michael obeys Birkhoffs earlier orders:

""Okay Rasputin, just die already.""
 * When Birkhoff is watching Ari's plan to take over Zetrov fall apart, he decides to utter the following line while remotely hammering in the last nail in his coffin:

""Roan drives like an old lady""
 * Most of Alex's lines from "Shadow Walker"

"Sean: "You gotta learn to enjoy. . . the little things in life. Have you seen this cot?" *sits up and pats the cot he's lying on* "This cot is awesome.""
 * In "Dead Drop" Sean is shot, and the team drugs him up for the pain. He starts babbling and acting like an over-optomistic little kid.

"Sean: *to Alex* . . . You're awesome ... Alex Udinov? More like Alex Youdinov-""
 * And then to Alex:

"Birkhoff: (pats Michael's shoulder) Mikey, you can kick my ass when you get back. Okay, buddy?
 * Birkhoff says a heartfelt goodbye and then sneaks in a kiss. Michael's face is absolutely hilarious as you can tell it pissed him off but he sort of respects Birkhoff for having the balls to kiss his lady. And then Birkhoff lampshades the moment.

Michael: (calmly) Will do."

""Are you saying we're powerless to stop a madman... in New Jersey?""
 * The President's reaction to finding out he's now at Percy's will: