Never Speak Ill of the Dead/Quotes

"He was very hard of hearing

He was dull and domineering

Misogynist, cantankerous and vain

He hit the bottle every night

He hit my grandma out of spite

And those stories about his bunions were a pain

But all that’s now forgotten once he took his final breath

Yes, even pricks turn into top blokes after death!

[...]

It's not how they live that counts, but how we rewrite the book

When it comes to truth, it's best to use restraint

It pays to throw away the facts and have a rose-coloured look

When he dies, Martin Bryant will look a saint!

[...]

Remember all will be forgotten once we take our final breeeeeeeeeath...

Yes, even pervert motherfuckers, even rampant child abusers, even local Baghdad looters, even baby bunny rooters,

Even reckless drunken drivers, even rodent sperm-imbibers, even violent poofter-bashers, even public penis-flashers,

Even rotting corpse molesters even human piss ingesters even tiny kitten-kickers even anal finger-lickers,

EVEN ANNA BLOODY COREN

YES, EVEN SHE

Will be a top bloke after death!"

- Andrew Hansen, "The Eulogy Song"

""τὸν τεθνηκóτα μὴ κακολογεῖν" (Let only good be spoken of the dead)."

- Chilon of Sparta, one of the Seven Sages of Greece (circa 600 B.C.)

"When someone dies thou shalt no longer be under obligation to cry saying 'he'll be missed' knowing good and well that he was an asshole."

- "Posdnuos, Thou Shalt Always Kill" (De La Soul version)

"Death makes the worst of men instantly respectable, you know."

- Francis Cheviot, The Reluctant Widow

"I was told only to speak good of the dead, Joan Crawford is dead....good!"

- Bette Davis (attributed)