Homestuck/Jokes/WMG

Strider is a member of GGG
Choryujin killed the dinosaurs. This we know. As seen above, it's also likely that Strider killed the dinosaurs. The connection is clear.

Said characters above did not kill the dinosaurs, but did cause a mass extinction.
At the End of Act Two animation, we clearly see dinosaurs hovering over the crater. That means the impact was even earlier than the dinosaurs.
 * Truth here. 413 Million years ago to be precise.

John's evil Joker personality is taking over
Secondary-colours costume? (The fact he made himself a costume!) Techno-fetishistic gear? Eye-concealing glasses? The UMBRELLA made of RAZOR BLADES? The guy's halfway between the Joker and Doctor Doom.
 * Rose and Dave have since made their own costumes. The serious buisness glasses are incredibly usefull. The Barber's Best friend was created from playing with the alchimiter, and has never been used.
 * John's way too dopey to be evil.

The reason John can't be beaten in a prank off?
It's because he's Air Man. Air Man cannot be defeated!

Jade will get a Portal Gun as her Ultimate Weapon.
She is the Witch of Space, and she wields guns. This is the only logical conclusion.

Jade and Dave's kid will be a Time Lord
Because he'll be the son of time and space, obviously...

The circumstances of Alternate Future John's death
In the spirit of hospitality, Typheus made a sandwich for John after having a friendly little chat with him. Unfortunately, it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
 * It was so amazing that John got burn marks and exploded.

There was a reason no-one was there when John went outside earlier in the story.
Everyone knew that it was John's birthday. They knew that John was the hero. They knew that strange things happen on The Hero's Birthday. So they fled en masse to a safer place, much like the citizens of London in the Doctor Who serial "Voyage of the Damned".
 * No, no. You're got it all wrong. The real reason no one was around was due to the mass but quiet evacuation plans the kids' future selves will run to save humanity from The Reckoning. They, of course, kept things quiet from their past selves to maintain a Stable Time Loop. The only reason their absence wasn't as apparent from the other kids' perspective was Rose and Jade's isolated positions and the Striders live at the top of a skyscraper in the middle of a meteor shower induced heat wave.

Skaia, 'crucible of unlimited creative potential', is the Imaginary World from Problem Sleuth
After unimaginable trials, our heroes will arrive outside the brothel in the sky. "Rose: This is less salubrious than I imagined."

Within Skaia lies a third kingdom.
Isolated within the blue sphere in the center of the Incipisphere is the Gray Kingdom, calling themselves Glie. Peaceful, if ignorant, the members of the kingdom must eventually leave Skaia's welcoming interior to ascend to Prospit or descend to Derse, in the process becoming a member of those kingdoms and, though remembering nothing of their life inside, retaining whatever sentiment for the place they had gained in their time there.
 * confirmed-ish in principle actually. WV's Army functioned as a Blue/Skaian Kingdom.

What I'm getting at is that Derse is angry at Skaia because they could never have their Day of Flight.

Sburb is The System from Bokurano.
A system that destroys the world when people lose? Check.

Infinitely recurring? Seemingly.
 * A system that destroys the world when you play no matter what.

Bro's puppet fetish will lead to the Sex Puppets of Transmetropolitan.
His website alludes to this.
 * Too bad the Earth is blowed up.

Rose Lalonde wrote My Immortal
It's a really bad wizard slash fanfiction with a goth self insert. If she didn't write it...

Rose Lalonde didn't write My Immortal...
Roxy did. They have similar tastes in literature, but it's Roxy, not Rose, that has a propensity for creative spelling choices in line with My Immortal's style.
 * In the post-Scratch universe, My Immortal is a Complacency of the Learned fanfic, not Harry Potter.

King Queen Jackspers Noirlecrow is Chaos Blade in another reality.
As on other levels of reality, the Corrupted Self seeks to amalgamate itself with as many superhuman bloodlines and power sources as possible. As Christian Humber doesn't (currently) exist in the Homsetuck 'verse, he settles for taking on the powers of all four of the kids as well as the King and Queen. He'll likely try to assimilate the White King and Queen's powers next, along with whatever secret DNA is encoded in the journal. This may continue indefinitely until Jackspers has access to every power source in the game and become Homestuck's take on Demonhead Mobster Kingpin, nearly-impossible to take on without clever thinking on the kids' part. Or perhaps impossible after all...

The bunny is actually the Big Bad.
You can't trust this little guy.
 * I knew it. Never trust a bunny.
 * I've got a theory/It could be bunnies...

The entire plot of Homestuck is a Moriya Shrine Conspiracy
Considering the sheer number of amphibian/reptile motifs that have started spreading throughout the story?
 * Templates like that are forbidden.

The Sylladex mechanics will be the Homestuck equivalent of Problem Sleuth's candy corn.

 * It would be hilarious if the final boss were defeated by John picking up his rabbit, accidentally throwing some huge thing at them.
 * Rose tries to take out the root of her sylladex. Everything explodes out, inlcluding all of the weapons that she has obtained.

If the DNA code that created Becquerel was somehow fused into Rose, the result would be Yukari Yakumo.
I base this on the nigh-omnipotence that Bec has combined with the blonde hair and otherwise purple color motif that Rose has.

A collorary to this is that this is what was supposed to be done with the code in the first place, and the dark gods had Rose burn it because they didn't want her matching/surpassing their power. However, it is at this point that this tree grows a poison oak branch in that if the Kids' timeline continues like this, Yukari as we know it, and thus Gensokyo as we know it, will be completley unmade. But hey, the Trolls did say that the Kids are f*** ing up everything.
 * I'm pretty sure that the reason the Dark Gods wanted Rose to destroy the book was because they knew about DD and what he was sent to do.
 * Nonsense! Yukari is clearly an SBURB player that ascended to the God Tiers but found a way to bring her original body back to life (the original body being Marbiel Hearn). This caused a localized scratch that gave her even more phenomenal cosmic powers.
 * And now Jade has that kind of power.

Fruit Gushers can be used as substitutes for build grist
They look really similar and it would be funny.
 * Betty Crocker may have designed them after grist.

Robot Aradia is a vocaloid.
Because why the hell not. Also, listen to Arisen Anew.

aT's robotic legs come with roller skates
...to make jousting easier. Also, they have chainsaw attachments. And built-in rockets for flight.
 * Probably not.

aG is an Expy of Lelouch.
From what we have seen, Alternia has an abusive and backstabbing culture with a restrictive caste system that euthanizes their handicapped and allows autistic barbarians to live in caves in the middle of nowhere. aG knows that a large group of trolls could barely agree on pizza toppings, much less work together to save the world. Her solution, much like Zero's, is to unite the other eleven players by giving them a common enemy- herself. With her mind control eye and obnoxious attitude, her plan had a chance of working... except if it did, this would be a different story.
 * Doesn't especially fit.
 * And the description doesn't jive well with what we know about the pre-Scratch trolls.

Problem Sleuth is set on Alternia during the MC era
PS, AD, PI, NB, HD, and possibly MK are all Prospitan exiles from the Troll's session who found and accidently activated an old Troll game grub, giving them more humanoid features and trapping them in the Troll equivilant of an adventure game. The "real world" they were released to in the end of the game was the city Spades Slick built.

John Egbert is a younger Sean "Day[9]" Plott.
Alone, or even together, the vague physical resemblance, and the glasses, and the common passion for video games and movies, and the similar typing styles would merely be circumstantial.

The bunny, however, clinches it. (Skip to 1:50)


 * Huh... Wow O_o

Homestuck - all of it - is just one long, overly complicated Con Air fanfic.
All the references and homages along the way haven't been just for laughs, they are the entire point of Homestuck. The only things that really matter are John, who is a reincarnation of Cameron Poe, and the bunny. The other kids? The trolls? The paradox clones? SBURB? The creation of alternate universes? Lord English? The weird time shit? All the other plot elements that don't make sense? Red herrings, all of them.
 * This is stupid.
 * YEAH RIGHT!

Lord English has access to unlimited Sepulchritude
They look similar enough. Compare the final flip-out with the appearance of the scratch.

Princess Berryboo is a subconscious representation of Feferi.
A princess in a world populated by friendly Squiddles = An ex-princess in a world populated by Eldritch Abominations.
 * Squiddles were made by Humans, so probably not.
 * Unless you take seriously Hussie's joke in a recent formspring about the Squiddles being the group that created the trolls' universe, but that would make this even more unlikely.

The Combine are Trolls.
The Xenian crystal is a peice of grist that the G-man (a First Guardian) acquired for the government and his own purposes. The result is an interdemensional rift linking Earth with a Vortigaunt session.

On top of the Reckoning, they're dealing with an Alternian invasion of their homeworld. A significant portion of the fleet gets pulled into the session along with the Vortigaunts who's social structure and culture causes for large scale sessions with wide areas transported into the Medium with them.

The Combine Advisors are various Mother Grubs who are going to have to compete for the right to mother a new Alternia, but in the mean time they need to de-terraform Earth to their liking.

This also explains the Synth, a bio-mechanical race dedicated to their overlords.

All of John's favourite actors are playing in a seperate session.
Cage, Mc Conaughey, Cosby, etc.

The Duttle is Lord English
this is actually canon. have a good night.
 * Except the Duttle isn't even sentient.
 * As far as you know.

Lord English is related to the stumps
Lord English is meant to represent a wooden pool cue, correct? And the MS Paint Adventures multiverse is full of stumps that make people kill themselves.
 * So far stumps haven't been important in HS, although one did cameo.

Bilious Slick is Head Paradox
Where else is time travel associated with frogs?
 * The Mother series? Besdies B. Slick isn't really associated with time travel.
 * Alternate theory: All of Homestuck is the Head Death's elaborate fantasy about killing Head Paradox, with Jack Noir as his Author Avatar. Courtyard Droll is Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs.
 * And since Lord English is obviously Cthulhu, that means he'll be vanquished by being wrestled to death by John (the most Steve-like character in Homestuck's cast)?

Sollux is channeling Otacon
..
 * This is stupid.

Problem Sleuth with fight then kill Bec Noir with Sepulchritude during the final battle
Why? Because it'd be awesome. And as Sepulchritude Problem Sleuth and Bec Noir are the two most powerful non-outright omnipotent characters (thus excluding Godhead Pickle Inspector and Lord English) in all of MSPA they absolutely must fight. In addition, Jack Noir/Spades Slick is outrighted stated to be Problem Sleuth's Evil Counterpart. And why would Sepulchritude Problem Sleuth Defeat Bec Noir? Because SPS covered the entire universe with a blast of his personal charm and Bec noir can "only" break planets, sure the fight will be epic and warrant at least a 5 minute long flash animation battle with an extended version of Squidissension being the theme tune, but it will end with Bec Noir being run through/decapitated by Tectrixcalibur.
 * Oh please. It's obvious that Bec Noir will be destroyed by Godhead Pickle Inspector when he finally gets sick of Noir ripping holes in the universe.
 * Alright this is too silly.

Alpha!Bro's Sprite will be Davespritesprite
Since the Alpha kids seem to have different titles from the Beta Kids, Alpha!Bro probably won't be the Hero of Time, so he won't be able to prototype his Sprite with his future self like Dave did. Davesprite's kind of at loose ends at the moment, and he's already got experience with this, so he could be the prototype instead.

UU is the genetic copy of all of the surviving trolls.
All of them.

To show how dramatic things are getting, Andrew Hussie's Author Avatar will get killed by a character in the story.
Complete with "DEAD" sound effect. Lord English will then take over the narration and rant about how everyone else sucks.
 * English has just appeared behind the fourth wall, having decapitated Hussiebot. Stay tuned.
 * English has just shot bullets into Hussie. However, the date is April Fool's Day. Again, stay tuned.
 * And confirmed. COMPLETE WITH "DEAD" SOUND EFFECT!

Discworld was one of the many other planets proceeding Alternia and Earth.
It was remembered on Alternia as an anime and on Earth as a book series.

The three-year time skip in Homestuck will be a legitimate, real-life break from the comic, but not totally.
As soon as Act 6 Intermission 1 is over, Hussie will stop updating Homestuck, leaving the readers with the basic idea that Jade and John will explore the different planets that Jade shrunk, meet their denizens and go on quests. They're going to forget a certain character during their years-long questing, though-- a certain Davesprite that Jadesprite left behind. He's going through an existential crisis over no longer being an Alpha Dave or even the real Dave, having been doomed from the start through coming from an offshoot timeline and then being doomed anyway because all of the sprites are supposed to die during the Reckoning somehow.

The only thing he can do on his own to distract himself is update the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic in place of Alpha Dave while he's off doing his thing, but he isn't going to hold up for very long. The SBaHJ comics seem to be a reflection of Dave's subconscious thoughts as shown in the dream Dave talked about with Rose closely resembling the comic Dave made by taking a picture of Davesprite with the SBaHJififer. With that in mind, this is comic 38, the most recent one since the timeskip news.

Davesprite did that. Meaning, he's having some really dark thoughts going through his mind while he's floating in the battlefield, alone, doomed to die in some way, shape or form. Thanks to the skip, he's going to have a loooooooooot of time to himself for that kind of thing.

So for an entire three years, Davesprite will be updating SBaHJ routinely, with each comic showing his thoughts as he descends further and further into madness, getting increasingly more graphic, bloody, or just plain weird. When the three year break is up, the final update to SBaHJ will be a long black panel and three words: caw caw motherfuckers

AND THEN HUSSIE WILL GO BACK TO UPDATING THE RELENTLESSLY LIGHTHEARTED COMIC AGAIN.
 * Jossed. John and Jade most definitely did not forget Davesprite, and comic 40 (which I guess is really comic 39?) is not nearly as dark (though it is as twisted as any other SBaHJ). And did you just call Homestuck "relentlessly lighthearted"?
 * It's a meme. Bit of a dead one but same as "KIDS AND FUN" etc.
 * Most likely this will be the end result for Casey.

Donald Trump, like Nic Cage, also played a separate instance of the Sburb game.
And he is destined to ascend to God Tiers as the Don of Time.

Little Debbie is really Fefari.
This is The Imperial Condesce's heiress apparent's Batman Gambit in an attempt to counteract Crockercorp.

Bec Noir, Spades Slick, and Alpha-Jack will merge.
They shall form a single being: an amorpheus mass of blackness and screaming faces from the various Jack Noirs. And it will be known as the Jack-snarl.

uraniunUmbra is really Rose.
Look at UU's chat logo. Then look at tail on the p of the Complacency of the Learned poster...
 * Also of note is that UU is the RNA equivalent of TT.
 * Wouldn't the first piece of evidence, coupled with with the grey skin and badly hidden horns of the protagonist of COTL, imply that uraniumUmbra is actually CALMASIS?
 * Calmasis has messy hair, not necessarily horns. When we do see a bit of UU, her horns are very prominent. She does however seem to dress like Calmasis.
 * And then we have Hussie in A 6 I 2, who appears to make himself look like Calmasis with UU's horns.

UU is actually Yuyuko.
Think about it.

Lord English is in the SCP Foundation's database
And Homestuck/MSPA is its container. Dr. ██████ discovered the only way to keep it contained was to trap it in writing a la Mushishi. The more writing there is about MSPA the more secure LE is, hence why Dr. ██████ keeps writing about it in ways that encourages others to write about it.

Problem Sleuth was an interprative pre-telling of the events of Homestuck.
John is Problem Sleuth, Dave is clearly Ace Dick (Davesprite is ZAD, Dave's brain in a jar will somehow be FAD), Jade is Pickle Inspector, Rose doesn't get a character because she was blacked out from view most of the session. Jack is MK which means that Problem Sleuth's story ended before it spoiled the inevitable final-final between the players and the demon.

In Homestuck, The Sprite is just Uboa wearing a jester hat.
They look disturbingly similar. This is most evident if you pause the animation (like by pressing the mouse wheel) while The Kernelsprite is flashing white-on-black; but you can see the resemblance at other times, too.
 * He also seems to have picked up one of John's Fake Arms from the Harlequin Doll, at least when he was fused with The Kernel. When split from The Kernel, it's hard to tell because he suddenly has a body.
 * Illustrated.
 * Why is there an arrow with "Pumpkin!" beside it? I don't see any pumpkins.
 * Sprites really aren't like Uboa.

Sburb is powered by Spiral Energy, and Homestuck is a prequel to Gurren Lagann.
Let's look at it, shall we? First of all, the symbol of Sburb is a spirograph, which by design is made up of spirals. It's also associated with the colour green, as seen in the spirograph, the block-house symbol, and the First Guardians, and Spiral Energy is green. It can create matter through alchemisation and deploying objects. Homestuck uses a prominant genetics motif in the Pesterchum initials and Ectobiology, while Spiral Energy is the force behind evolution and genetics are reflected in the names of Lord Genome and his generals. Additionally, the kids are making use of Spiral Energy - when John "did the windy thing", the Breeze manifested in a giant spiral, and then later, air drills. Rose, through her attempts to break the system, is ROW ROW FIGHTING THE POWER. And the Dersites, being black, smooth, hairless, and with white highlights, resemble Anti-Spirals, a fitting role for those who oppose the kids and Skaia, which is a well of Spiral Energy. The reason that Sburb targets its meteors at the players and their home planets is more than a coincidence; it's to prevent Spiral Nemesis by taking out the number of potential users. Eventually, on the future Earth, the remenants of humanity, having moved underground, will form a civilisation, and the technology used in Sburb will be used to create the Gunmen, another invention that allows Spiral Races to use Spiral Energy. Of the carapace creatures who took up residence on Earth, the Prospitians, as the guardians of Skaia, may have adapted Sburb's methods of harnessing Spiral Energy to create the Gunmen, however, since we never see any in Gurren Lagann they were probably driven to extinction by the Beastmen. Meanwhile the Derseites, refusing to compromise their plans of destroying Skaia, seal away their conciousness and become the first Anti-Spirals. Lord Genome is in charge of Skaiainet and was responsible for coding Sburb. He will also eventually use Ectobiology to create the Beastmen by combining the paradox slime from humans and animals. And, going with an above theory, Bro is not the reincarnation of Kamina, but Kamina (and, by extention, the Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann) is the reincarnation of Bro.
 * So much joss up in this theory.
 * Just because Andrew said he didn't know about Gurren Lagann to reference it intentionally doesn't mean we can't come up with insane crossover ideas.
 * Anti-Spiral Gunmen in Homestuck it's gonna happen.

SBURB isn't real and the Kids are just trolling each other for fun.

 * Yeah guys let's pretend everyone died, our parents died, and we're getting yelled at by aliens and stabbed by a nascent god.
 * Congratulations you have suddenly filled hundreds of readers with dread.

Dutton ended up in dream bubbles in the Furthest Ring when he slept because of the efforts of a dark god: his own future self.
The Squiddle-Dutton hybrid, the Duttle, is a clue to this. He may have become a dark god as a result of dying while sleeping, his god-made dream self becoming a god himself.
 * Only players are remembered in dream bubbles

Andrew Hussie is an eldritch demon forced to conjure the comic to keep him in check.
The various self-inserts have been attempts to break free of whatever is controlling him. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, on the other hand, is created unconsciously by his mind as he works. The increased number of direct SB&HJ references, with no context, show that he is getting stronger. The latest and longest of the self-inserts (the ONE YARD one) is by far his most successful attempt to free himself yet. Everything is SB&HJ-ified by his influence, and he imparts real information directly to the reader. What does the mysterious ONE YARD refer to, you may ask? Well, don't forget that Hussie has known exactly what the last page of Homestuck will be since before he started. It will be a blank page - a portal from which he can exit his cage. Fortunately for us, monitors aren't very big, relatively, and he won't be able to get through, limiting his reach to, oh, let's say... ONE YARD. (Unfortunately, that's more than enough distance to reach people sitting at their computers...)
 * So, Hussie really is Lord English all along?

In the end, it will all come down to a pumpkin
What Pumpkin?
 * THIS PUMPKIN!
 * Pumpkins aren't really that important in Homestuck.
 * It will probably be that Problemsluth hammer that has never been mentioned again, or that regular hammer that is still in John's strife card. Because neither of those things stopped being things that were mentioned.
 * A universe is to a frog as all of Paradox Space is to a pumpkin. The series will end with a pan out sequence making this true and then the pumpkin will blink out of existance. Hussie will then refuse to comment on it.

Skaia was designed by the same forces that designed the game in Bokurano.
A sadistic game that results in the deaths of entire universes for no adequately explained reason? One that seems to enjoy recruiting children as it's players? Face it, Homestuck is Bokurano minus the constant soul crushing despair and giant robots.

Alternia's Pink Moon is Problem Sleuth's world
Not only is its green counterpart similar to Problem Sleuth's city, but also has what seems to be a little pink sphere connected to it, which could be the world of the Four Kingdoms... think about it...
 * The pink sphere is a third moon.

Karkat is eventually reincarnated on Earth as The Angry Video Game Nerd.
Both are irritable, enjoy video games, and have a tendency to express their disapproval towards something with overly-detailed metaphors that often involve scatological comments and profanity.
 * Eridan is reincarnated as The Nostalgia Critic, who, like him, is an effeminate, bespectacled, gun-toting Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain who nonetheless can present a threat if he needs to who has a rivalry with Karkat/The Nerd.
 * Motherfucker Mike is a Gender Fliped reincarnation of Vriska, being an immoral, obnoxious powergamer who will stop at nothing to win. I have no idea who Board James himself was, though.

John's Dad is Problem Sleuth.
They have the same hats, Dad can use PS's Auto-Parry (or Auto-Pastry in this case), he smokes pipes like PS does, he has a clown harlequin bust (John even admits that "it's kind of funny"), and Pickle Inspector's hat is in his room.
 * This comes from the wiki.
 * A bit of a stretch, but when Mr. Egbert first picks up Ms. Lalonde's scarf, he mentions that "the mystery deepens".
 * Further supported in this flash: if Ctrl+T is pressed, John's sprite turns upside down and transparent, plus he can walk anywhere in the house. If he goes to the garden and walks up to the chimney, he can find Problem Sleuth's office.
 * Andrew repeatedly enjoys joking about this, but in all honesty it's incredibly unlikely. PS canon and HS canon are impossible to reconcile, and Dad and PS have completely different personalities anyways.
 * Um thats a gif of Jade standing in one place while many random objects fly in her direction from off screen...
 * He probably meant the Act 2 walkaround.

Just for Fun: John's Dad has a brother, and he has played with his nephew before.
Need I say more? And remember, Dad is the only guardian who wasn't created through Ectobiology, so he was presumably born normally...

Dirk Has Combat Operandus: Abstracted Thought
He is simultaneously awake on Derse and Earth.

Roxy is a master of the Drunken Fist style

 * She's drunk all the time, and she uses Fistkind. Connect the dots.

If the Reset is to have the kid guardians play the session, Reset! Bro’s arc will be similar to the video “BRODYQUEST”.
This is probably going to sound extremely stupid...

By the way, this is Brodyquest.

The video is, essentially, talking about a strange, yet awesome day for Adrian Brody. Notable highlights of this video include:


 * Walking around like it’s an ordinary day
 * Mysteriously ending up in space
 * An ominous voice repeating his name over and over
 * light fills Brody's eyes as he hears this
 * Explosion

So, along those lines, here’s Bro’s arc: Bro wakes up and does the normal thing, whatever that may be. He gets a pester from one of his friends, telling him to play Sburb; so he does, even though he doesn’t really want to. This playing of Sburb and eventually breaking in his character item (probably something to do with puppets and records) eventually lands him into the Medium- the space metaphor. Sometime later, he’s wandering around on his land, and getting closer and closer to the denizen, when a strange, ominous voice fill his head and repeats his name over and over- this is Lord English, hypnotizing him through Cal and eventually succeeding, as can be told by the colorful changing light that has replaced his eyes behind his pointy anime shades. Unfortunately, Lord English can only hold his control over a person for so long (since this is the newly created Lord English we’re talking about, not one that is used to his powers), and thus Bro goes haywire as a mindless puppet. That will serve as the segue into an eventual explosion- of what, I don’t know, but there will be one.

Bonus WMG: His name will be Adrian Brodrick Strider, as a little joke.
 * This is stupid.
 * YEAH RIGHT! More like the exact opposite of stupid.
 * At any rate, English takes the Guardian; so maybe Dave is screwed but Alpha Bro will be fine.
 * Bonus WMG Jossed: The name starts with D.
 * Was this ever an actual WMG or just an attempt to get people to watch Brodyquest?
 * OP here: that was actually a real WMG. I guess it does seem pretty out of the blue, now that I think about it.
 * Brodyquest is a bit of a trip...

Updates are so slow because Andrew made the art team look up EVERY FANTROLL EVER
When UU is fully revealed it's going to be at a Homestuck convention and we'll have to find her.

Alpha!Bro's shades...
Whereas Beta!Bro and (initially) Beta!Dave wore Kamina Shades, Hussie will this time take the retroactive Shout-Out one step further: Alpha!Bro will either initially wear or eventually obtain five-point star shades like Simon's. I'm guessing this because why the hell not?
 * Jossed for the present moment, but may be the case in either the past or future.

The Kids' Game will take place....
ON MARS! That's why the SBURB symbol is red. :O
 * THIS IS STUPID
 * Please put joke theories in the Joke section :|

Everyone save the Alpha Kids fled to Mars.
The reason why Earth is so empty is because at one point in their childhood the rest of the Human race decided to flee the planet to the Mars Colony after hearing about an apocalyptic meteor strike going to happen around that time and using them as a chance to repopulate the planet after it goes. Some, after watching the Older Strider's movies, became disillusioned to the Baroness's ways and saw it as a way to escape her wrath. Those who remained on Earth after that point were either brave enough to face the meteors head on or simply didn't believe the event would happen and saw it as another "end of the world" scare.
 * There's no evidence that anyone is missing from Earth in either universe. The lack of other people is simply the Law of Conservation of Detail in effect.

The Alpha Session will create a new universe, and that universe will be the one the Hussie Author Avatar exists in.
And thus, implicitly, our world. It just seems to fit the cyclical Stable Time Loop theme. Presumably, they're going to do something to their Cosmic Frog to remove it from the light of the Green Sun to prevent it from getting involved in SBURB.

Jane's interactions with the Batterwitch will be composed in large part of Shout Outs to Star Wars
Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

POST-SCRATCH FRUIT GUSHERS ARE GRUBS!!!
Jane says that Gushers "simulating the experience of eating plump insects", it's all but stated that the ruler of Crocker Co. is the Troll Empress, and trolls eat grubs... Then again maybe Jane just really hates Gushers.

Hussie's Ancestor is Joss Whedon
It's where he got his affinity for strong women and killing off all of his characters.
 * The implications of this are staggering. Hussie the character is the son of Charles Dutton, the First Son of Skaia. Assuming that this makes Dutton the "Dad" figure, a constant placeholder between Ancestor and Descendant who remains between Scratches, that means that Dutton's father- that is, Skaia itself, the setting equivalent to God- is, in reality, Joss Whedon. Which really explains quite a bit, when you think about it.
 * But his ancestor is Doc Holiday.

Lord English takes fashion tips from The Doctor.
Just look at his coat (which can sort of resemble a certain Doctor's scarf) and the suspenders.

Gamzee is Bro.
Just from the fact that he's moving Cal around just like Bro used to. Either Gamzee goes back in time and somehow vastly changes appearance, or Bro's consciousness was somehow transplanted after his death.
 * Across universes, species, time, and all logic
 * Miracles.

Gamzee will be defeated by the Magnetic Wodka.
Juggalo. Magnets. Once affable because he was essentially perpetually drunk. "You guess this could be useful" is rather blatant Foreshadowing.
 * Magnetic Wodka was presumably abandoned on Rose's land.
 * When? If Rose was not pictured abandoning it then she clearly still has it.
 * Players lose their inventory when dying!

Karkat and Sollux eventually make it to Earth
...several decades before the SBURB beta. Sollux writes the book on ~ATH, while Karkat writes a series on programming under the name "Buckminster Funnyuncle".
 * THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY AND ALSO RIDICULOUS. Jossed if you're being serious though.

The Pyralspite scalemate is a true sleeping dragon.
Just wait. It'll wake up and RAAAAR!

The Homestuck trolls are the Doctors. ALL OF THEM.
No, really, each incarnation of the Doctor is a troll.
 * 1) Aradia
 * 2) Tavros
 * 3) Sollux (Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!)
 * 4) Eridan
 * 5) Feferi
 * 6) Gamzee
 * 7) Kanaya
 * 8) Vriska
 * 9) Equius
 * 10) Terezi
 * 11) Nepeta
 * Look for a jerkass doctor in a couple years calling the Daleks fuckasses. But in all seriousness, 9 and Equius? That really doesn't match up.
 * And Eight is nothing like Vriska. He's kind of more like Nepeta; they're both energetic, friendly, and wear long green coats. Maybe Nine could be Karkat: grouchy on the outside, but occasionally quite cuddly once you get to know him.
 * Where does that leave Eleven, though? Vriska or Equius? Both seem odd fits.
 * I would figure Equius would fit 6 for the jerkish/arrogance and Gamzee could fit in 11 for the silliness and occasional tendency to flip out and scare people when he gets serious.

Karkat is secretly pretty fucking gourmet
And created the website whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com
 * The site just recommended that I should make some damn-tasty sounding barabque ribs. If this WMG is true, then Karkat has good taste.

The trolls are descended from displaced Dremora.
They look like Dremora, they use the Daedric alphabet, and they're both Proud Warrior Race Guys. During the Oblivion Crisis, some Oblivion Gates were opened on another planet, either by accident or by Camoran being really thorough. After the Gates were closed, the Dremora remaining on the planet colonised it, and eventually evolved into the trolls.
 * Alternatively, Dremora are descended from trolls who somehow were transported to Oblivion.
 * Doesn't really work given that Dremora are literally sentient ideas who don't really have bodies, but instead, must create a corporeal form upon entry into the Physical Plane due to its rules. As a result, they lack anything like DNA to reproduce through. A fun theory however, and one could probably get some interesting fanfic out of it.

End of Homestuck
The last act of Homestuck will be an in-depth look into John's psyche: his father issues, his loneliness, his three loves (his male friend, a girl who is related to him via cloning, and the one who calls him stupid), his depression, and his self-hatred. It will feature an alternate universe look at how Homestuck could have turned out. It will look strangely like a clipshow. This is all because Hussie has, at this point, run out of budget and cannot afford to finish it like he wanted to. It will end with John figuring out how to love himself. All of his friends and family will be there, clapping and congratulating him, including Jaspersprite. Millions of fans will be incredibly angry until the feature film, End of Homestuck is released. Though it shows what happens outside of John's mind during the final moments of the original webcomic, it has just as strange an ending, with everybody turning into orange faygo.
 * While staring at a naked Jade.

UU's quest on her land will be to literally get a tiger.
It'll be running around all over the planet and messing stuff up and when she finally catches it she'll be high enough on the echeladder to ascend when she dies on her quest bed. Bonus points if the tiger is actually GCAT.

Betty Crocker is an innocent victim of circumstances.
Her Imperial Condesce was simply using her and her company from behind the scenes to prepare for her invasion of Earth. Once the Condesce arrived, Crocker was either imprisoned or killed so the Condesce could take her place and make it look like they were the same person the whole time.
 * Dirk appears to be suggesting here that the Batterwitch "stole her name from someone else." Hmmmmmmmm...

The Post-Scratch Medium is within the Null Void.
Well, it is a Null and Void session.

Jesus was a displaced Sburb player.
He was the Hero of Life, and his Quest Bed was somehow in the tomb where he was laid after death.

Hussie may have said we won't be seeing Problem Sleuth and co. in Homestuck...
...but not that we wouldn't see any alternate-session counterparts. We may end up seeing suspiciously similar Prospitians with the initials PS, AD, and PI who aren't destined to become their private eye personas from the Problem Sleuth comic.

Andrew Hussie has read Umineko no Naku Koro ni.
There are a large number of similarities between the two works. To wit:
 * Both works center around discovering the central mysteries behind respective reality-altering games.
 * Both works feature multiple instances of the same game.
 * Both works are highly trope-savvy.
 * Both works have a tendency to suddenly shift perspective to new characters.
 * Both works feature the eventual discovery of an enormous bomb that will destroy the entire setting of the story.
 * In both works, Anyone Can Die...multiple times.
 * Both works might contain magic.
 * In Umineko, words in red are true, unless used for Irony. In Homestuck, Dave, rarely, if ever, lies, but is very ironic.
 * In Umineko, words in gold represent knowledge specific to the Game Master. In Homestuck, Sollux built the game in the A2 session, while Dirk effectively runs the B2 session.
 * In Umineko, words in purple are true, unless spoken by a murderer. In Homestuck, only Gamzee and Eridan, two of the resident murdering psychopaths, speak in purple.
 * Beatrice is quite similar to Vriska. Both are highly competitive, homicidal, dramatic, manipulative jerks with a sad backstory and questionable intentions who want to compete with the hero to make him stronger, but secretly like him, sometimes doing dangerous things as a result.
 * There are a lot of parallels between Umineko's Bernkastel and Homestuck's Doc Scratch:
 * During her game, Bernkastel speaks in white to express the truth. Doc Scratch speaks in white, and never lies.
 * Both are nigh-omnipotent and nigh-omniscient within their respective sphere of influence.
 * Both hijack the narrative.
 * Both are Faux Affably Evil.
 * Both are extremely tricky with Exact Words and lies of omission.
 * Both manipulate and control near every aspect of their respective instances of the game.
 * Both are inclined to offering very nasty deals.
 * Both are kind of creepy.


 * Both also contain meta-fictional layers to their stories with author avatars that can interact with and influence the lower levels of the story, to the point of blurring the lines between them.

Lord English is French
He eats universes. Universes are frogs. Who's known for eating frogs' legs? The French. Also, Lord English's summoning glitch is that players are spawned outside their own session; this may bear some reflection of his own nature, where his name implies his session to be English but his spawning was French.

UranianUmbra and undyingumbrage are really just Roxy's mom and Dirk's bro acting as trolls representing Calmasis's two split personalities.
They're covertly guiding their adoptive descendants/ectobiological parents and their friends towards winning the game and beating the Condesce. And they're taking no chances in the Batterwitch finding out she hadn't managed to kill them and throwing a wrench in their works. That's why it's for the best that Jake doesn't know who UU really is just yet.

Guy Fieri is going to read Homestuck at some point
After Dante Basco and Andrew Hussie kissing Rufio's corpse, declaring Guy Fieri responsible for five billion deaths makes it inevitable. The law of escalating awkwardness demands it.

Stephen Colbert will make a joking Homestuck Shout-Out on his show that Hussie will take advantage of.
Colbert will probably say something like, say, "I for one welcome our new fish alien overlords." Then the Colbert of the Post-Scratch universe will be revealed to be a Condesce sympathizer in a later pesterlog.

Colm from Fire Emblem: TSS is Vriska.
Okay, so I was playing FE:TSS, checking out the profiles of my newest additions to the team. Obviously, Colm is of the Thief class. However, I looked a bit closer and realized that he was the Light aspect. Vriska = Thief of Light = Colm. COINCIDENCE?!

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