Discworld/Hogfather/Funny

"Death:
 * The sequence where the (er) Real Hogfather takes over the "Mall Santa" equivalent is outstanding.

Albert: You mean the sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?"

"Death:"
 * It's sad that Death is trying so hard, and yet failing in the role so utterly:

""I want you to arrest him!"
 * The store owner talking to the Watch:

"Who, sir?"

"The Hogfather!"

"Why?"

"Because he's sitting up there bold as brass in his Grotto, giving away presents!""


 * And Nobby asks him for a present, acting just like any little kid intimidated by being in Santa's lap.

"Mother: You can't give her that! It's not safe!
 * Followed by Nobby's unadalterated glee at the Automatic Crossbow he got.
 * Death giving a sword to a little girl.

Death:

Crumley: She's a child!

Death:

Crumley: What if she cuts herself?

Death:"

"A violent death is the last thing that will happen to you."
 * The restaurant staff making a complete menu based on boots and laces.
 * Bilius, the Oh God of hangovers. Not the god, the oh god. Because what does a person say when under his influence...?
 * Hex ceasing to work unless he is FTB-enabled.
 * Death's attempt at a Hogswatch card. (He tried to add some snow, but it melted. He tried to put a robin on it, but it flew away. It would not get into the Hogswatch spirit at all.)
 * Mr Teatime tries to be reassuring:

"Ridcully: Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence any day."
 * The footnote to the origin stories of the Hogfather. On passing by a house, or so he says, a king is moved by the plight of some girls, who are unable to celebrate Hogswatch. He throws a packet of sausages through the window... concussing one of them, but there is no point in ruining a good legend.
 * Ridcully's line after the Bursar talking with Hex cures the Bursar of his insanity, but drives Hex mad in turn:

"Ridcully: Ye gods, I've never felt so clean."
 * Archchancellor Ridcully takes a shower. The shower was built by "Bloody Stupid" Johnson, but it works splendidly until the Archchancellor, experimenting with the various settings, discovers what the one marked "Old Faithful" does. I was lying on a bed the first time I read it, and I nearly rolled off at the words: