Friends/Funny

"Chandler: All right, fine, I'm going, but when I get back it's CHAIR CITY, and I'm the guy who's....s-sitting in a...CHAIR!"
 * Phoebe's outburst after not managing to get to the highest score in the Ms. Pacman she has given to Chandler and Monica as a wedding gift to erase the obscene names Chandler had used when reaching them so that Ben couldn't see them.
 * Phoebe singing along as Ross plays the bagpipes. Jennifer Aniston is trying her hardest not to laugh during that scene. Her lyric is basically "EEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEE! EEEE! EEEEEEEEE!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Even funnier in the outtake, where she can't stop laughing. In fact, if you look at the scene, Lisa Kudrow just can't seem to keep a straight face while 'singing'.
 * There's also the time Ross decides to play the keyboard...with animal noises and helicopter sounds...
 * Chandler and Phoebe's flirting shenanigans.
 * "LOOK AT ME, I'M CHANDLER! Could I BE wearing any more clothes?!"
 * Pretty much anything involving Joey, Chandler, and the chair in "TOW No One's Ready".

"Chandler: Hello, Chandler Bing?
 * When they accidentally spill hummus on Phoebe's dress, the best she can sputter out in rage is "Oh my God, you...ROTTEN BOYS!"
 * Ross and Joey talking dirty.
 * Phoebe seeing Chandler and Monica having sex.
 * "Pivot! Pivot!! PIVOT!" "Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"
 * On that note, Ross buying a new car on his 30th birthday except he can't get it out of the sidewalk because it's cornered front and rear. So he gets the gang to "Lift... and slide".
 * Joey prank-calling Chandler:

Joey: Hello, Mr. Bing. I love you.

Chandler: Look, whoever this is, stop calling. It's been six months, it's not funny!

Joey: But I love you!

Chandler: LEAVE ME ALONE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE ME ALONE!"

""All you want is a dinkle"
 * Joey's "Freud!" song.

"What you envy's a schwang"

"A thing with which you can tinkle

"To play with, or simply let hang""

""Give me the bottle." (squeezes milk onto his arm) "Give me the towel". (wipes the milk off and storms away)"
 * Joey appearing in what seemed to be a serious play, until he said "Now, I'm gonna get on this spaceship..."
 * The best part of that was the buildup. Scenes from the play appeared in many episodes throughout the season, and it was made out to be one of those gritty off-off-Broadway productions. Then, after months, the spaceship landed.
 * Ross trying to drink Carol's breast milk.

""Horny bitch. (Ross and the girl look at her. Rachel pretends to play with the toys she's carrying) No, you're a horny bitch! No, you're a horny bitch!""
 * Rachel jealous over a girl showing interest in Ross

""He was a double double / double jointed boy"
 * A lot of Phoebe's songs.

"And tegrin spelled backward is nirget"

"He must decide / He must decide / Even though I made him up, he must decide!""

"Chandler: Then she'll be like "I should be with him 'cause he understands me".
 * Monica seeing Joey naked in "The One With The Flashback" ("Here's your glass of penis").
 * Chandler, Joey & Ross talking about Rachel & Mark in "The One With All The Jealousy"

Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, "Oh, man!" And he'll be all, "Yes!" And us, we'll be like "Oh, dude!" And pretty soon you'll be like, "Hi," and, "Well, I can't go. Rachel and Mark might be there." And we'll be like, "Man, get over it, it's been four years!"

Chandler: He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?"

"Rachel: That's right, you just read the Family Circus *advances on pigeon with a cooking pot* Enjoy the gentle humour.."
 * Rachel getting attacked by a pigeon in "The One With Phoebe's Husband". Forgot how high Jennifer Aniston can shriek.
 * Made even funnier by her attempts to catch the pigeon.

"I came here 3 months ago but the city still scares me!
 * And when Rachel first meets Phoebe's husband, she opens the pot in surprise, and lets the pigeon go. Phoebe's husband is really impressed, and asks how she did it.
 * Ross and Joey ending the segregation in the museum but everyone starts saying Too Much Information about themselves.

I didn't pay for this pear!

These (her breasts) aren't real!

I have to flip the light switch on and off 17 times or my family will die!"

"Chandler: Look, when I’ve been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I’m sorry.
 * "The one where Chandler can't remember which sister". He's a kisser when he's drunk.

Monica: That's okay.

Rachel: That's all right.

Ross: That's okay."

"You wanna see me ecstatic? Here it is. (cracks a really small smile)"
 * Chandler, Joey and Monica explaining what happened to them at the beach.
 * Ross imitating a velociraptor.
 * Monica's sex lesson.
 * Joey meeting Estelle for the first time.

""I've been wanting to run my own kitchen since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery". [Rachel just stares at her waiting if she just heard what she said]"
 * Ross isn't the only one who falls for That Came Out Wrong. Here's Monica in season 3.

"Ross: What are you doing here?
 * Paolo's brief reappearance in season 2.

Paolo: I do Raquel."

"Phoebe: Well, I guess we're gonna be going out into the hallway now...
 * Rachel's boyfriend Paul dancing in front of a mirror. "I'm just a love machine. YEAH BABY, HUUUUUUUAAAA!" And yeah, Paul is played by Bruce Willis! Best part? Ross is listening to it all under the bed...
 * Another good one: the gang is watching an old video of "FatMonica"; present-day Monica protests, "Come on, the camera adds ten pounds!"... prompting Chandler to snark, "So how many cameras are actually on you there?"
 * 'Don't do the dance.' 'Right!'

Joey: Thanks for coming, Mrs. Green!"

"Ross: Well, I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I'm sorry.
 * Joey, discussing his broken fridge- "It's like we got a divorce, and I got to keep the kid... and now the kid died, and I gotta buy a new kid!" (Chandler: "...Okay...?" Joey: "(Beat) Gimme four hundred dollars!")
 * An extended series of awkward reveals:

Monica: And Dad, you know that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys, Ross did.

Ross: Yeah, well Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did.

Monica: Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!

Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas, and got divorced, again!

Phoebe: I'm in love with Jacques Cousteau! "

Rachel: I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!

Joey: I wanna gooooo!

Mrs. Geller:. . . That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds. Joey, if you want to go, just go. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did NOT taste good. Pheobe, I'm sorry, but I believe Jacques Cousteau is dead. And Monica, why you decided to hide such an important relationship from us is beyond me.

Mr. Geller: And we kind of figured about the porch swing."

"Ross: * dressed as the holiday armadillo* What are you doing here, Santa Claus?
 * Special mention goes to this scene.

Chandler: Why I'm here to visit Ben (Ross's son)! What are you doing here... weird... turtle... man?"

"Rachel: That bag is definitely going to get you the part.
 * "I especially liked the part about how Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt".
 * Cat jumps on Ross' head.
 * Joey starts wearing a bag around to try and improve his credibility as an actor. Chandler and Ross make much with the fun, until eventually Chandler runs out of ways to imply Joey's a woman, and just runs with.

Chandler: And a date with a man!"

"Ross" "Oh yeah, I'm feeling much better now. Wait, No. What? What are you doing? GET OFF MY SISTER!!!.""
 * The episode where Chandler and Monica's relationship is finally revealed contains an absolute gem from Ross. To give some context, keep in mind he's meeting with a psychiatrist to prove that he's no longer angry.

"(puts hand down his pants to relieve the pain) Hey Timmy, I've got a surprise for you."
 * Robin Williams and Billy Crystal appear in the cold open to a third season episode. They weren't scripted to appear, but happened to be nearby at the time of filming, so the producers asked them to step in. The result was an ad-libbed performance that was utterly hilarious.
 * David Schwimmer has a knack for physical comedy second to none. Frequently unscripted.
 * In "The One With the Prom Video" he trips going up a flight of stairs.
 * In "The One With the German Laundry Detergent" he gets hit in the head by the door to a dryer and falls down.
 * In "The One With the Giant Poking Device" he runs into a wall.
 * In "The Last One" he's running to the ticket counter at an airport and sprints through the twisty turny roped off line.
 * It's a minor one, but in "The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS," once Ross finally gets estranged wife Emily on the phone, he gets so excited that he shushes everyone and then hands Chandler a lamp for no reason at all. It's random and hilarious.
 * Joey going to auditions with a hernia in "The one where Joey loses his insurance".

"Ross: I want my couch to say "Kids welcome" but also say (seductively) "Come here to me".
 * Ross buying a new couch.

Rachel: Oh my God, you say that to kids?

Ross: No, no. It's for the ladies.

Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch not a magic couch."

"Leonard: Hello, Ross. Get anymore of my daughters pregnant?
 * Rachel's dad recovering from a heart attack.

Ross: No, no, just the one."

"Rachel: By the way, it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal!
 * Ross and Rachel breaking up again.

Chandler: I knew it!"

"Ross: Chandler joined a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won!
 * Ross' "The bike is dying speech" especially the end when the seemingly unfazed Phoebe pleads for her bike not to die after Ross leaves.

Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried!"

"Chandler: For a whole year people called me "Sir Limps-A-Lot"!
 * "The one with the Thanksgiving flashbacks" where Chandler found out Monica trying to get revenge on him for calling her fat is the reason he lost his toe.

Ross: "Sir Limps-A-Lot". I came up with that.

Joey: You're a dork."

"Ross: Someone sent us a basket at work once, and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
 * "The one where everybody finds out". Ross is disappointed his bribe to Ugly Naked Guy of a basket of mini muffins wasn't working

Chandler: Your work makes me sad."

"Monica: Are you trying to make me cry? Is that what you want? Do you want to see me cry?
 * Joey not understanding the concept of "air quotes".
 * Chandler handcuffed in Rachel's boss' office in his underwear.
 * YOU ATE MY SANDWICH?!
 * "TOW the Kips". Monica and Chandler convincing Joey that it's 9AM when it's really 3. Joey apparently has never been awake at 9.
 * "TOW the lesbian wedding"

Phoebe: Sir, no, sir!"

"Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, no! You can't come in here. Ross is naked!
 * "TOW where Phoebe runs" Chandler cleaned Monica's apartment without her permission. Ross, then Monica arrive.

Monica: What?!

Ross: What?!

Chandler: I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed to see me naked.

Ross: Why does anyone have to be naked?

Monica: Why is Ross naked?

Ross: I had to... show Chandler something.

Monica: Naked?

Ross: Yeah, I uh... I guess I have a, uh... a guy problem.

Monica: Is it the same thing that Chandler had?

Chandler: Look, just come back later. We'll get everything squared away and you can come back later.

Monica: Okay. Hey, listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine left under the sink in the bathroom. Bye.

Chandler: Bye-bye. Thank God.

Ross: Dude, what'd you have?"

"Ross: What is Chandler Bing's job?
 * The season 5 premiere. Chandler and Monica are about to have sex in the bathroom. Monica's already there and Chandler's about to follow when Joey shows up and talks his ear off about how he thinks the giant from My Giant is more talented and taller than him.
 * Phoebe's weird date.
 * Phoebe meets Mike's parents.
 * Ross, Monica and Rachel's fake accents.
 * The entire game that the guys and girls play to win each others apartments in "The One With the Embryos". But most of all, the "lightning round" conclusion:


 * Monica and Rachel are both utterly silent, Chandler looks incredulous*

Rachel: It has something to do with numbers...

Monica: And processing!

Rachel: He carries a briefcase!

Ross: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.

Monica: It... it has something to do with transponding...

Rachel: OOH! He's a TRANSPONSTER!

Monica: THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD! No, I can get this, I can get this...


 * Ross stops the timer*

Monica: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Joey: Over the line? You... you... you're so far past the line that you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!"
 * This becomes a Brick Joke when, in one of the latter seasons, Monica finally remembers what Chandler's job is. Of course, this happens after he has left the job.
 * And then Chandler and Joey gliding in to their new apartment triumphantly on the big white dog.
 * From "The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line," Joey's response to Chandler admitting he was "totally over the line..."

"Chandler: I was forced to go to the office psychologist once. He was all "Maybe your colleagues will like you better if you like yourself better". Who needs that?
 * Chandler mocking psychologists after Ross was forced to take a sabbatical.

Monica: You do.

Chandler: I know!"

"Phoebe: I'm gonna be on your ass every hour of every day till Monday because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
 * Phoebe confronting the lurker in "The one in Vegas".

Lurker: Also Monday.

Phoebe: What time? Maybe we can share a cab."

"Chandler: Joey, you've had a lot of sex, right?
 * Lisa Kudrow's (Phoebe's) laugh. Priceless.
 * Phoebe: If we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.
 * Chandler wants sex advice:

Joey: (confused) What, today? Some...not a lot."

"Rachel: It can't be! She said she heard it from some guy!
 * The one where Rachel shows a video of Ross begging her to get it on, only to find out everyone know about her technique involving 'the video of her vacation in Europe', and that Joey started it.

Joey: *raises hand* Some guy! *points to self*

Rachel: But, but, but, she said his name was Ken Adams!

Joey: *Raises hand and points to himself again* Ken Adams!"

"Ross: *Looks at camera* It's MORPHIN' TIME! *crosses wrists*

Joey: TYRANOSAURUS!

Chandler: TRICERATOPS!"

"Well, I think your wrong!
 * Hilarity Ensues when Ross leaves teeth whitener on a whole day.
 * Hugh Laurie's guest appearance.

Oh, no! (bites hand)"

"Ross: So Mom forbade us to play and Dad threw the Geller Cup into the lake.
 * Pretty much the entire episode of "The One With The New Year's Resolutions".
 * The story of the Geller Cup in "The one with the football".

Chandler: And the curse was lifted?"

"Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
 * Ross and Joey becoming "nap partners".
 * "Gum would be perfection. I could have said I'd like some gum but no. To me gum would be perfection! I loathe myself".
 * The whole incident with Gladys.
 * Chandler's reaction to :

Chandler: Uh huh! JOIN ME, won't you?!"

"Monica: It's the end of an era, you might say.
 * Monica's intensity is always a sight to behold such as the time she tried to get Rachel to cry when she told her that she and Chandler are moving in together.

Rachel: Mon, are you okay? You're not blinking."

"Joey: Guess you're gonna have to break up with him.
 * The gang noticing Rachel's boyfriend and his sister are a little too close.

Monica: And call their mother!"

""He has naked pictures of us, then he eats chicken, and then he looks at them!""
 * Rachel finding a naked picture of Monica meant for Chandler but blamed on Joey.

"Paul: It's just I didn't know you were married.
 * Ross' efforts at impressing Elizabeth's father totally failing.

Rachel: (comes back from the bathroom) Oh, we were but it was just this big drunken mistake,

Paul: You two were married?!

Rachel: I'm sorry, i guess you were talking about Emily. (Ross Face Faults)"

"Melissa: I'm obviously kidding. I'm not in love with you. I'm not in love with her. I don't hear coconuts banging together. You know, I don't picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend."
 * Rachel's old college friend revealing then denying her love for Rachel.

"Chandler: They don't like it when you explain why your joke is funny.
 * Ross & Chandler giving Joey advice on how to repel women.

Ross: They don't like it when you talk about science.

Chandler: Man, I'm so glad I have Monica.

Ross: I'm never gonna find love again."

"Judy Geller: Jack, look at this.
 * In TOW The Cake Joey forgets to get Emma a present for her first birthday and decides read a dramatic monologue from one of her books, at first every one seems disapointed and annoyed by this idea. He reduces the entire room to tears.
 * Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome (by showing his skills as a professional) and as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
 * In the same episode. When they discover that they got a penis shaped cake instead of a bunny shaped one, we're treated to this gem.

Jack Geller: I know what you're thinking, Judy. The resemblance is uncanny."

"[Rachel & Joey are on the balcony, everyone else is inside watching.]
 * In "TOW Rachel's Going Away Party" Rachel says goodbye to everyone individually, reducing them all to tears. Except Joey.

Ross: God, I can't believe she saved me for last. Why are they taking so long?

Phoebe: I dunno, but Joey seems to taking it surprisingly well.

[As Rachel heads back inside, Joey turns and starts to get ready to jump off the balcony. Rachel pulls him back when everyone else runs forward to stop Joey.]"

""Her eyes did still sparkle...""
 * The gang finding out about Ross' affair with his elderly high school librarian.

""Bye, Ross, (whispers) forever"."
 * Ducks is heads because ducks have heads!
 * "The one with Joey's big break". Phoebe was mad at Ross for some reason and calls him fat-ass but apologizes and says he actually has a cute hienie. For a moment, Ross was actually pleased.
 * "The one with the Kips". Rachel just convinced Phoebe to form their own group then Ross shows up.

"(The word is 'cream'.)
 * Joey on Pyramid.

Gene: You put this in your coffee.

Joey: A spoon! Your hands! Your face!

Gene: It's white.

Joey: Paper! Snow! A ghost!"

"Gene: You put this on a sandwich.
 * And then the new word is 'mayonnaise'.

Joey: Salami! Anchovies! Jam!

Gene: It's white.

Joey: Paper! Snow! A ghost!

Gene: It's made from eggs.

Joey: Chickens!?"

"Joey: Why would there be a ghost in my fridge?"
 * And later on:

"Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake, Judy pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sooock!"
 * "Hurry, The Angelica! Go! Go!"
 * Phoebe's birthday where everyone is late and Rachel can't leave Emma at home so she has Ross's mother bring her to the restaurant with them. She stops in the middle of a toast to signal that Emma dropped her sock, leading to...


 * And shortly after this she gives her friends a verbal put-down and makes a dramatic exit before calling "Judy, bye!" and getting a drunken wave from her in response.