Fire Emblem/Funny

"Oscar: Hi, Kieran. How are you?
 * Fire Emblem has Kieran.

Kieran: What the... Oscar! How I loathe that name! Don't give me such pleasant greetings! I care not for them!

Oscar: What did I do now?

Kieran: Oh ho! Don't tell me you've forgotten our second year of enlistment! The year we completed horsemanship? There was a final race to end the year... My beloved horse and I were flawless, but you beat us by the smallest of margins!

Oscar: Huh? Oh, are you talking about that race you challenged me to? Yeah, that was fun... But I thought the distance between us was at least three lengths--

Kieran: Ha! LIAR! Deceitful, lying, squinty coward! That was the very moment I marked you as my archrival! Don't pretend not to care!

Oscar: Uh...wow. I had no idea--

Kieran: But why!? I must know why you left the Crimean knighthood without a word of explanation! I devoted myself to training with my horse! I worked day and night so I could best my archrival... And thanks to my extreme devotion... I didn't realize you were gone until six months later! Delinquent! Reneger!

Oscar: Wait a sec... Kieran. How is that my fault?"

"Shinon: I swear you'd hit on a tree if I dressed it in a skirt."
 * Don't forget Shinon's line to Gatrie from FE 10:

"Shinon: Up to you. Spend it however you please.
 * For that matter, anything Shinon says to Gatrie.

Gatrie: But every time I spend money, you give me a hard time!

Shinon: I do? How?

Gatrie: What about the other day, when I bought the Ultimate Shield?!

Shinon: Gatrie, that was a castle gate. Hey, did you ever give that back? That guard thought you were a thief.

Gatrie: And remember the SpeedBring 4000? That secret elixir that boosts speed just by sprinkling it over your body--

Shinon: You mean that putrid snake oil? You dumped the whole bottle on your head without smelling it first.

Gatrie: But that wonderful little potion worked! I DID move faster!

Shinon: You moved faster because thirty stray dogs were chasing you.

Gatrie: See! You're giving me a hard time again!

Shinon: Oh, did I hurt your feelings? Wow, it sure is fun to tell you the truth and have you grumble at me in return."

"Ike:"
 * That, and the entirety of Shinon's drunken rant. He's very much TV Tropes Made of Win Archive.
 * Pretty much anything involving Oliver. He acts about as obsessively Bishonen as Yumichika...never mind the fact that he's a delusional Gonk.
 * It gets even better when . Especially if you have Ike talk to him immediately afterward. The last line of their conversation is just priceless.

": Duke of Tanas, imagine seeing you here!
 * This one's pretty good as well.

Oliver:, as lovely as always. But has it come to this? Must we fight to the death, and deprive the world of one of our beautiful countenances? Can other lovers of beauty endure such a loss?


 * I confess that your presence has me bewildered. Could this be part of Yune's plan? I simply never would have imagined you here. Your presence proves that Tellius is unraveling at the seams. Judgement cannot come soon enough."

"Calill: You know, he's a world-class--
 * The entire recruitment conversation for Largo in Path of Radiance is one long CMOF. It starts with Largo bragging about how he's a "world-class berserker" and asking to see the general (not expecting it to be someone as puny as Ike). After lampshading how familiar this sounds (re: Calill's recruitment), Ike tries to hire him, and Largo initially laughs it off until Calill interjects and asks General Ike if he's going to hire Largo.

Ike: Berserker. So I've heard."

"Laura: By the way, you'll have to become a bandit now."
 * Ranulf. That is all.
 * Laura's conversation with Aran after he joined the Dawn Brigade:

"Micaiah: Right. General Ike, "hero" of the Crimean Liberation, leader of the Greil Mercenaries, and father of Sothe's children..."
 * Micaiah gets arguably the best line fairly early on after hearing one too many fanboyish hype about Ike from Sothe for her tastes.

"Sanaki: Still no word from the battle. What's going on out there? I should go to my people. They may need me.
 * Also, Lovable Traitor Naesala being reduced to a Badly Battered Bodyguard.

Naesala Hey, just where do you think you're going? Do you think the high-and-mighty apostle should be traipsing around a battlefield, hmm?

Sanaki: Wha-- Oh, it's just you. Hmph. How dare you sneak up on me that way!

Naesala: That beauty from the Holy Guards told me to keep an eye on you. So, do me a favor and sit still, will you?

Sanaki: But I can't see anything from here! I have to know how my people are faring down there! I...I can't bear doing nothing! Hmm... I have an idea. You! Carry me to a place where I can observe the battle! Don't give me that look! You're the one who agreed to guard me, so do your duty and obey your orders! Come on, let's get moving!

Naesala: Wait a minute... Is that what passes for beorc logic these days? No wonder you've lost your throne. OW! Stop that!

Sanaki: Are you going to obey me, or shall I have you chased back home in a cloud of feathers?

Naesala: By the goddess, what have I gotten myself into? As you wish, Empress. My back is yours."

"Sanaki: You finally made it, Sephiran.
 * What makes this even funnier is that Naesala is off-screen and credited as "???" up until his last line--we don't even get the slightest clue as to whom Sanaki is talking to until he mentions "beorc" logic.
 * Sanaki does this again when she has a field conversation with the one retainer she trusted above all others (who turned out to actually be ) after he's been convinced to repent for his actions.

Sephiran: Sanaki, I...

Sanaki: I was starting to wonder how I would punish you.

Sephiran: I'm sorry?

Sanaki: You are my subordinate, after all. I have decided that leaving one's empress to die is punishable by drowning in a pool of rancid butter.

Sephiran: Of course it is, my empress.

Sanaki: I hope you're a strong swimmer."

"Lekain: Tah ha ha... So nice to see you, King Naesala. When you can't oppose me, that is. Your blood pact means that you'll have to betray your companions...yet again.
 * She's also responsible for one more, though not directly involved in it.

Naesala: Not today, actually.

Lekain: What did you say?

Naesala: Sorry to break it to you, Lekain, but I have recently...been promoted, shall we say. I now take orders from over your head, Vice-Minister. From Empress Sanaki, to be exact.

Lekain: Wh-what... Whaaaat...?!

Naesala: The curse of the blood pact applies if the master's orders aren't obeyed, but by the law of Begnion, you're overruled. So, Lekain, right here, right now... I'm going to tear you apart, as I've been wanting to do for years.

Lekain: Urk!"

"Ike: Okay, listen: Land? Big. Ship? Small. It's not the same!"
 * Some of Rutger's earlier supports tend to be pretty funny. His C support with Dieck gives the latter the idea that Rutger was trying to kill him simply because he was bored. However his declining to spar with Fir in their C support immediately leads Fir to believe that he's sexist is even better. But it's not because he's sexist. He doesn't play around if he has a weapon in his hands, he kills people. Funny and Badass.
 * His A support with Clarine is pretty funny too, when she tries to be nice to him for once, and Rutger's just like "don't try to be something you're not, you're better at screaming at me".
 * When Ike's team gets on a ship to set sail for Begnion, Ike seeks out Volke to ask why he never shows up for any company meals. When Volke says that he doesn't like crowds and points out that Ike never had a problem with it when they were on land, Ike replies:

"Pelleas: I think I'm going to be ill...
 * The last part of Pelleas's conversation with is both hilarious and gross. At the same time!

Pelleas: You are going to pay! You are going to…BLAAARRRGH!"

"Ross: I see.
 * The earlier games' support conversations were often the epitome of this. Example from FE8: When Ross gives Amelia a necklace he'd bought awhile ago from a street beggar despite not having anyone in his life to give it to, her upbringing in poverty has her unwilling to accept something so precious to him. His reponse to this to say.

Please just take it and enjoy it.

Amelia: Really? I can have it?

Ross: Of course!

Besides, I've always looked better in earrings than necklaces. Just kidding!"

"Louise: ...What a funny man."
 * And he's just a minor player shipping with a minor player.
 * Almost anything regarding Sain would count, really, but his support with Louise definitely takes the cake, for one simple reason: in the C-support, he realizes a moment too late that the lady he's flirting with this time is already married. Whoops. Cue self-scolding and intense inner conflict, made worse if he builds up to a B-support with her (the highest he can get with her, by the way). Meanwhile, Louise's reaction to all this?

"Tethys: Would the two of you kindly stop acting like such... men? And you! You've already fired us. You can't order us to leave now."
 * In 8, on Eirika's path, Innes fires the crew of mercenaries he hired to abandon him to convince them to abandon him and save their own lives when they're outnumbered and under siege from an enemy army, but they refuse. The mercenary boss refuses and then tries to get his female second-in-command to flee, who cuts in:

"Garcia: That did not go as well as I had hoped.
 * Innes is good for this in general because he he takes himself so damn seriously and is really, really bad at having a civil conversation with anyone not named Vanessa.
 * His supports with L'Arachel are among the biggest proofs. You know she's the Tsundere of the game... and yet she brings the Tsundere out of Innes and they pretty much try out-tsunning each other. Hilarity Ensues.
 * A weird example that involves gameplay rather than dialogue. Chapter 3-11 of Radiant Dawn is littered with pitfall traps, which the enemy always avoids stepping on as well. However, an enemy bishop in that level has a Rescue staff and can warp another unit onto that spot. This can allow a unit with Pass to pass through a trap without incident, but the truly funny part is when a ground-based unit with Canto attacks the enemy, destroys it, continues movement into the space that was just occupied by an enemy... and promptly falls into a pit.
 * Another gameplay example, from Blazing Sword this time: this is what happens when the Devil Axe backfires...
 * FE8: Forde takes a nap in battle. Vanessa and her Pegasus crash on him. Hilarity Ensues.
 * Also, Dozla and Garcia taking their common Boisterous Bruiser traits Up to Eleven levels. And the results are described in their A support...

Dozla: Well, that's not entirely true, is it.

Garcia: It would have helped if you hadn't whacked me in the head with the staff.

Dozla: I didn't mean to hit you! You just got in the way when I was...conjuring.

Garcia: I still have a lump on my head.

Dozla: I feel badly about it, all right? Besides, I think you're forgetting that I also healed you with that staff!

Garcia: No, you didn't! You burned my beard clear off!

Dozla: Oh, yes. That's right. I'm sorry."


 * For all of its bleak moments, Seisen no Keifu has a moment that qualifies here: Patty and Shanan's recruit conversation. Shanan goes grab the Balmung from the Shrine, Patty already has it, he has to convince her to give it to him and reveals his identity... and Patty starts fangirling him right there.
 * L'Arachel's supports with Ephraim are all hilarious, especially when his slightly unclothed body completely breaks her delicate sensibillities.
 * Hector's path's version of "Victory or Death". Send out either Farina or Serra to the ruins where Sophia appears all of a sudden. Hilarity will ensue as either girl's dialogue part will almost exclusively made of her screaming her bloody head off.