Police Academy/Funny

"Zed: You wanna borrow my shampoo?
 * Police Academy
 * Drop that stereo before I blow your goddamn nuts off, asshole.
 * Police Academy 3: Back in Training
 * Zed making Sweetchuck's time during at the academy miserable.
 * Zed scares Sweetchuck with his flashlight, then shines it on his face.
 * Zed holding a tube of his shampoo in a way like he's holding a knife while Sweetchuck is in the shower.

Sweetchuck: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Proctor: Look at this. Look at this angle. Look it at this angle. All angle-
 * "Listen, the busboys are shoo--" [a gun points at his nose] "--ting my nose."
 * Proctor screaming in pain when the elevator closed.
 * He covers his head with the trash can lid he's using to cover his groin when a police car was nearby.
 * Proctor holding the mirror in front of Mauser in different directions, similar to the scene in Police Academy 2.

Mauser: I CAN'T SEE!!

Proctor: (giving him the mirror) It's yours!"

"Inmate: Simon says take two steps back!
 * Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol
 * The scene where the inmates are playing Simon Says:

[Proctor does so]

Inmate: Now put your hands up!

Proctor: Simon didn't say!

Another inmate:"

"Mouse: Egh, he squirted me with the donut!
 * "DON'T TOUCH THOSE! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH MY BALLS WITHOUT ASKING!"
 * Police Academy 5: Assignment-Miami Beach
 * Sugar, the fat jewel thief, is eating a jelly doughnut, accidentally squirts one of the other two jewel thieves in the face.

Tony: [hitting him with a map] That's disgusting!

Sugar: I'm sorry!"

"Proctor: This is great! Our very own airplane! Animals to play with!
 * Harris and Proctor's "private plane".

Harris: Proctor, why do I put up with you?

Proctor: Because my sister married your nephew. So that makes us-

Harris: Shut up, Proctor! (three chickens jump down at him, in a row)

Proctor: I think they like you!"

"Sugar: What? WHAT?!"
 * Dork.
 * The fat thief farted in the elevator, with the other crooks and hostage Lassard still inside.

"Fackler: Its okay if you guys are tired. I'll shoot again."
 * Police Academy 6: City Under Siege
 * Fackler playing pool. He hits one guy in the head with a ball, hits another guy in the groin with the stick, and hits another guy with it in the head.

"Ox: Knock knock.
 * This dialogue:

Hightower: Who's there?

Ox: Boo.

Hightower: Boo who?

Ox: Quit crying. It'll be over in a moment.

Hightower: That's it!

Ox: Huh?

Hightower: Fighting is one thing, but bad jokes is where I draw the line.

[POOW]"

" Hearst: That man is an imposter!
 * The cadets seeing two Commissioner Hearsts.

Hearst: Me? No! He's the imposter!

Harris: (and Proctor walks up to the Hearst) Move it! Move it! Commissioner Hearst! These people have violated their suspensions, and I demand that they'd be brought up on charges!

Hearst: Oh Harris, shut up!

(Harris and Proctor looked behind him)

Hearst: Oh shut up, Harris!

(Then quickly looks back)"

"Harris: I have a sixth sense-
 * Two of the Wilson Heights gang members get behind the car Harris and Proctor are in, sticking their tongues and making faces.

Proctor: Sir?

Harris: Will you let me finish? I have a sixth sense-

Proctor: But sir-

Harris: Will you let me finish? I have a sixth sense when it comes to-

Proctor: But sir-

Harris: Stop interrupting me! I have a sixth sense when it comes to crime!

(one of the gang members stick a raccoon tail on the car antenna and both wave good-bye. Proctor waves back)

Officer: You mean you were here during the robbery?

Harris: No, of course not!

Proctor: Yeah we were sir, they came and went just a few minutes ago. [overlapping with Harris] I tried to tell you. Don't you remember, when we were inside the car?

Harris: [overlapping with Proctor] Shut up, Proctor. Shut up, Proctor. Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...

Harris: SHUT UP!"

"Proctor: You know, running is the best form of an aerobic exercise."
 * Harris is stuck in the hole and has to run at the truck's speed, Flintstones-style.

"Hearst: Thank you for your... contribution, Captain Harris."
 * This scene tops it all.

"Harris: What... are you... doing!?
 * Proctor picks up passengers while chasing after the Mastermind.

Proctor: I'm picking up passengers.

Harris: WHYY!?

Proctor: (takes a paper down) I have to, sir. They're on my route.

(crumples the paper and throws it to the ground)"