New Tricks/Funny

"Brian: If you were robbing a security van and wanted to immobilise the guard inside, where would you shoot him?
 * This exchange between Brian and P.C Clarke in the first season, discussing a security guard wounded in a robbery connected to a case, something of which has piqued Brian's interest:

Clarke: ... The head?

Brian: ... You'll notice, Clarkie, I said 'immobilise', not 'kill instantly in an unnecessary bloodbath'.

Clarke: ... The leg.

Brian: The leg! Good! Leg.

Clarke: Or the foot.

Brian: Let's just stick with the leg.

Clarke: [Eagerly, getting a bit carried away] Both legs.

Brian: [Exasperated] One leg would probably suffice!

Clarke: But two to make sure.

Brian: It's a thirty second situation, Clarke! You shoot a man in the leg, he's really not going anywhere.

Clarke: But if you've already shot him in one leg, he's kind of stuck in situ while I shoot in in the other one. Might as well. Bang, number one -- he can't move. Bang, number two -- he really really can't move.

[Brian is utterly lost for words for a moment]

Brian: ... Get your coat, son."

"Sandra: You slept with her.
 * Sandra confronts Gerry regarding his interview with a former (female) Police Detective:

Gerry: Yeah.

Sandra: You disgust me.

Gerry: We never discussed you at all!"


 * Gerry chewing out, in a magnificent Reason You Suck Speech. Considering that   Sandra approved.