Dr. Strangelove/Funny

"President Muffley: Hello?... Er, hello, Di--er, hello, Dimitri?...Listen, er, I can't hear too well, do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?...Oh, that's much better!...yeah--yeah--Fine, I can hear you now, Dimitri--Clear and plain and coming through fine--I'm coming fine, too, eh? Good--then--Well, then, as you say we're both coming through fine--Good--Well, it's good that you're fine and, and I'm fine--I agree with you, it's great to be fine--hah hah hah hah--Now then, Dimitri--you know about how--we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb--the bomb, Dimitri--the HYDROGEN bomb--well, now, what happened is--um--one of our base commanders, he had a sort of--well, he went a little funny in the head--you know, just a little--funny, and uh, he went and did a silly thing--Well, I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes--to attack your country. Ah--well let me finish, Dimitri--let me finish, Dimitri--well, listen, how do you think I feel about it?...Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dimitri?...Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?...Of course I like to speak to you! Of course I like to say hello!...Not now, but any time, Dimitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened--It's a friendly call, of course, it's a friendly call--listen if it wasn't friendly--you probably wouldn't have even got it--They will not reach their targets for at least another hour--I am--I am positive, Dimitri--listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador, it is not a trick--Well I'll tell you--We'd like to give your Air Staff a complete rundown on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes--Yes, I mean if we're unable to recall the planes and--I'd say that, uh-- well, uh--we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dimitri--I know they're our boys--Alright, well, listen, now who should we call?...Who should we call Dimitri, What "The People"?-- what? Sorry, you faded away there--"The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters"--where is that, Dimitri?...Im Omsk. Right?...Yes--Oh, you'll call them first, will you?...uh-huh--Listen do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dimitri?...What? I see, just ask for Omsk Information--How, ah, um, hmmm--. I'm sorry too, Dimitri. I'm very sorry--Alright, you're sorrier than I am, but I am sorry as well--I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri. Don't say that you're more sorry than I am because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are--So we're both sorry, alright?...Alright--Yes, he's right here. He wants to talk to you, just a second--"
 * The hotline telephone conversation. What makes all the better is that Peter Sellers ad-libbed the whole thing:

"Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, eh?
 * "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"
 * General Turgidson's enthusiastic description of how low one of the bombers can fly.
 * The "Oh Crap" look on General Turgidson's face when he realizes that the bombers might succeed in ending the world.
 * Also, when he trips and falls and afterward acts like it never happened. Apparently, it actually was an accident, and like a lot of the other improvisations, Stanley Kubrick kept it in.
 * Major Kong becoming the trope originator for Riding the Bomb.
 * Dr. Strangelove's attempt to describe how humanity will survive After the End, frequently interrupted by his Evil Hand.
 * Strangelove accidentally addressing the president as Mein Fuehrer.

Ambassador de Sadesky:[Sheepishly] It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises."

"Mandrake: (to Guano) Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine, I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.
 * Mandrake needs some change for the phone...

Guano: That's private property.

Mandrake: (exasperated) Colonel, can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With the gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit!

Guano: Ok. I'm gonna get your money for you. But if you don't get the President of the Unites States on that phone, you know what's going to happen to you?

Mandrake: What?

Guano: You're going to have to answer to the Coca Cola Company."

"Kong: Survival Kit contents check. In them you will find: one 45 caliber automatic, two boxes of ammunition, four days concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Rooshan phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in rubles, one hundred dollars in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, one issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings -- shoot, a fellah could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff...."
 * The Survival Kit: