Hellsing Abridged/YMMV

"Jan: And so, halfway through blowing me, the fucking hooker ODs on heroin!
 * Crazy Awesome: Alucard
 * Crosses the Line Twice: It would be accurate to say that Jan crosses the line twice 90% of the time. It happens so frequently that it's hard to tell which side of the line he's on at the end of his dialogue. Just take a look at his opening conversation with Luke:

Luke: I really don't like discussing my ex-girlfriend with you.

Jan: I mean, I still finished, but what kinda shit is that?

Luke: For God's sake, Jan, think of mother!

[Beat]

Jan: I ain't jerking off right now."

"Hellsing Employee: ... (Still reading Jan's threat) now pardon me while I blow this faggot ginger's brains ou- ohgodno! (gunshot)
 * Crowning Moment of Awesome: Alucard before showing how wrong Luke is about him being a demigod compared to Alucard. Particularly his last word in the back-and-forth "Really", where his head snaps up and he snarls "REALLY?!" with a Slasher Smile on his face.
 * Crowning Music of Awesome: The theme song for this series: Party Hard, by Andrew W.K.
 * Mood Whiplash: The scene described just above is, in contrary to the rest of the episode, absolutely not played for laughs.
 * Nightmare Fuel: Impressively, Team Four Star has managed to make an already tense scene from a horror-themed anime even more terrifying. Jan's call to Integra and the Convention of Twelve is changed drastically in this version. Instead of boasting about how awesome he is and telling them to "pray to their impotent God." He instead forces a Hellsing employee (who cries throughout the ordeal) to read a note detailing the violent and sexually graphic things Jan plans to do with Integra when he gets his hands on her. He then kills the employee and laughs about it before hanging up.

Jan: (Laughing) Oh, his fucking face man! (Continues laughing) Oh, now that shit is priceless!"