Demolition Man/Funny

"Cockteau: Be well.
 * President Schwarzenegger Library, to begin with.
 * This one starts to sound more like Tempting Fate; he IS a Governor. Then if the configuration of stars and stuff will be right, he might just become a President one day if the 61st Amendment is passed (as in the movie) to allow him to run.
 * When Spartan met Cocteau in his office.

Spartan: Be fucked.

Machine: John Spartan, you are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute"

""Shit! I LOVE that smell! Reminds me of biscuits and gravy!""
 * Spartan shoots the machine, making Associate Bob faint.
 * Phoenix opens a manhole and...

"Phoenix: So I'm supposed to use batteries? Where the fuck do you find batteries in the future?"
 * Phoenix argues with a computer about using a phaser gun when two museum guards walk up to him and try to talk to him nicely. Of course, Phoenix just shoots them. Without looking at them. Or pausing his conversation with the computer.

"Reporter: How can you justify destroying a $7 million mini mall to rescue a girl whose ransom was only $25,000?
 * The statement of a little girl that Spartan saved while blowing up a mini-mall in the process.

Girl: Fuck you, lady!

Spartan: Good answer."

"Spartan: Brake. Brake! BRAKE NOW, YOU MICKEY MOUSE PIECE OF SHIIIIIIT!"
 * There's also the part where Spartan crashes in the futuristic police car.

"Spartan: Thanks a lot, you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball-breaking, duck-fucking pain in the ass."
 * And Spartan exploiting the Swear-O-Meters for toilet paper because he can't figure out those damned seashells.

"Huxley: *muttering* Sanctimonious asshole.
 * And who else does the Swear-O-Meter catch, besides Spartan and Phoenix?

Computer: Lenina Huxley, you are fined one-half credit for a sotto voce violation of the Verbal Morality Statute."

"Huxley: Look at you, you're in shambles!
 * Spartan, upon being informed that his uniform is torn after a fight.

Spartan: Don't worry, I can fix it. All I need is a needle and thread.

Beat

Spartan: I really didn't say that, did I? Damn it!"


 * "You're on TV!!" *television!* Such a corny line, and yet there's nothing better you can possibly yell before smacking someone with a TV set (just ahead of "Watch this!").