Easy Road to Hell/Quotes

"Would you care to take a guess as to how many beings, in all the universe, were accepted into Heaven last year? Hmm?"

''Bartleby shrugged. "No idea."''

"Come on now. All last year. Three hundred and sixty-five day's worth of deaths. Out of all the octillions of life forms in the universe, how many do you think He decided were pious enough to enter His kingdom?"

''"Um.... A million?" Bartleby guessed, thinking that would be pretty low.''

''The demon was wearing a sick grin. "Six."''

"Six million?"

"No. _Six_."

''Bartleby's eyes went wide in horror. "Please tell me you're kidding."''

"I'm not. Six. Six souls, out of an uncountable number of newly dead. That's unconscionable, of course, but what frightens me even more is trying to imagine what sort of torturous, masochistic, impossibly repressive lives those six must have lived in order to obey every one of his thousands of contradictory rules... And, oh my soul, what must that twisted, omnipotent madman consider Heaven to be now?" "-- Bartleby Tales"