Cold Blood (novel)

Cold Blood is a web story by troper Mr Media Guy. It can be read here.

Summary: Kevin is a snake living in the seaside town of Dolphin Falls. He is hated by every human there, except for a young girl named Natalie. But when Natalie is captured by the evil dolphin Iron Rose, to be used as his Sex Slave, it's up to Kevin and his two bird foster parents, Ebony the crow and Phil the hawk, to rescue her.

The story's tone switches a lot, from silly to Tear Jerker, from heartwarming to Nightmare Fuel. This is probably the only time in fiction you'll see a snake as the hero and a dolphin as the villain. A sequel/prequel is being considered as well.

Not to be confused with the trope Chill of Undeath.

Cold Blood contains examples of the following tropes:
"Captain: Tell the others that we got some birds below carryin' a big booty!
 * Abusive Parents: Iron Rose claims to have had an abusive mother in his tragic backstory.
 * Adults Are Useless: The adults can't really do much when Natalie is taken.
 * Adult Fear: Ebony has to deal with something a huge amount of parents have to deal with: her adopted child about to give up on life.
 * It's very unlikely that your child will ever be captured by an evil dolphin in Real Life. The likeliness of your child being captured by a pedophile to be used as a sex slave on the other hand...
 * Amazing Technicolor Wildlife: Iron Rose is a bright pink color, as opposed to the other, normal-colored dolphins.
 * Animal Talk
 * Big Bad: Iron Rose.
 * Big Badass Bird of Prey: Phil.
 * Big Damn Heroes: When Iron Rose sees Kevin for the first time, Ebony and Phil swoop down and try to attack him,
 * Bittersweet Ending: Kevin gets the respect he needs, and is living with Natalie now. Cool right? Except that
 * Break the Cutie: Kevin, when he's taken back to the rock, and tries to commit suicide. Also, when he's coiled up beneath the rock and crying. Happens again to both Kevin and Ebony, when Iron Rose breaks Ebony's wing, and then tries to kill Kevin in front of his foster parents.
 * Also at the end, when
 * Cassandra Truth: The adults don't believe Natalie when she tells them that Kevin is a nice snake.
 * Chekhov's Gag: When Natalie is taken, every single person starts yelling and is horrified...except for one guy, who just says "I like carrots," and is totally unaware of what's going on. After Natalie is brought back, the crowd goes crazy and starts happily yelling...except for the guy from before. "I like root beer."
 * Chekhov's Gun: Remember the pointless little scene where Ebony and Phil were playing Hot Potato with Kevin? Well, that later becomes an important plot point to help get away from the pirate seagulls.
 * Chekhov's Skill: Ebony's
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Phil has shades of this.
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?: When Kevin hands Natalie the apple, it's clearly meant to represent Eve and the serpent in the garden of Eden.
 * Driven to Suicide: Kevin tries to slither off a cliff at one point, due to depression from being hated by humans, but Phil stops him. It's mentioned that this isn't the first time this has happened.
 * Everything's Even Worse with Sharks:
 * Exact Words: The sea turtle at the beginning just wants to find a mate. Iron Rose says he's going to fulfill that wish. And he does,
 * Fantastic Racism: Iron Rose thinks that all reptiles are stupid and inferior to mammals, especially dolphins.
 * The Farmer and the Viper: As soon as Kevin gets Iron Rose safely back in the water close to the end, the latter still tries to kill the former.
 * Feathered Fiend: At one point in the story, the trio is chased by a flock of pirate seagulls who think that Kevin is an eel, and want to eat him. Of course, even they are terrified of Iron Rose.
 * For the Evulz: The reason Iron Rose kills things.
 * Foreshadowing: Remember that kid who cut himself and had to get out of the water to keep from attracting sharks? Well,
 * Friend to All Living Things: Natalie.
 * Freudian Excuse: While Iron Rose is lying on the beach, he tells Kevin that he was abused and beaten as a calf.
 * Good Scars, Evil Scars: Kevin is mentioned to have a small scar on his back from getting hit with a stick. Iron Rose has a scar over one eye, possibly to be more intimidating.
 * The Grotesque: Kevin is treated like this by the humans.
 * Heh, Heh, You Said "X": The pirate seagulls.

Other Seagull: *chuckles*

Captain: Stop gigglin' and do as I say!"

"Iron Rose: Don't you see, boy? People love dolphins. But they HATE SNAKES! And you will ALWAYS BE HATED! ALWAYS!"
 * Heroic Dolphin: BRUTALLY averted.
 * Humans Are Bastards: Downplayed. Though the humans aren't very nice to Kevin, the dolphins are MUCH worse.
 * I Have You Now, My Pretty: Iron Rose to Natalie. He even licks her at one point.
 * If You Kill Him You Will Be Just Like Him: Kevin decides not to take revenge on Iron Rose when the latter gets beached.
 * Interspecies Adoption: Kevin is a snake raised by a female crow and a male hawk.
 * It's All My Fault: Kevin says this, after the porpoises rescue him.
 * The dolphin trainer, when trying to comfort the crying Mrs. Shawna.
 * Karmic Death: At the end of the story, when Iron Rose is trying to kill Kevin,
 * Mama Bear / Papa Wolf: Ebony and Phil are more than willing to defend their foster son when they need to.
 * Manipulative Bastard: Iron Rose at the end
 * No Name Given: The leader of the porpoise pod is known simply as "the pod leader", likewise with the pirate seagull captain.
 * Pet the Dog: Subverted. The injured sea turtle at the beginning wishes to find a mate before she dies. Iron Rose decides to help her.
 * Ravens and Crows: Ebony is a non-evil example.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Iron Rose gives one to Kevin while trying to kill him.


 * Reptiles Are Abhorrent: Subverted and Played for Drama.
 * Self-Made Orphan: During the climax, Iron Rose reveals to have murdered his own mother.
 * Slasher Smile: Iron Rose gives a lot of these.
 * Sliding Scale of Silliness Versus Seriousness: Tends to stay far on the serious side, though there are some silly moments sprinkled throughout, mostly coming out of comic relief Phil the Hawk.
 * Turtle Power: A sea turtle is a victim of Iron Rose during the beginning.
 * Ungrateful Bastard: See The Farmer and The Viper, above.
 * What Measure Is a Non-Cute??: This trope is the reason this story exists.
 * Where the Hell Is Springfield?: We're never told exactly where Dolphin Falls is, except that it's somewhere in the Southeastern United States.
 * Would Hurt a Child: Iron Rose plans on drowning Natalie once he's done...having fun with her.
 * You Do NOT Want to Know: Ebony tells Kevin about dolphins kidnapping people, and she tells him that they do "horrible disgusting things that I shouldn't be telling you about".
 * You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: After Iron Rose's mooks, Blood and Bone, are too weak to fight after being attacked by porpoises, he just decides to kill them both for being "lazy".