Dead Like Me/Funny

"Roxy: Don't they have something better to do on their day off?"
 * Gravelings . They then spend the rest of the day harassing the Reapers. Roxy said it best...

"Roxy: I'm gonna get a bird.
 * The scene in episode 3 where Roxy talks to Mason about getting a pet bird.

Mason: Don't get a bird.

Roxy: Why not?

Mason: Because they're weird. Man, I can't relate to a bird. They're so far removed, and got different... chromosomes. And they come from eggs.

Roxy: They got faces.

Mason: So do cockroaches. ... What're you gonna do with a bird?

Roxy: Stick it in a cage and feed it, what do you think I'm gonna do with it?

Mason: Well I think you should at least get one you can eat.

Roxy: I'm gonna get a friend. I'm not gonna eat my friend!

Mason: They have brains the size of pistachios, it's not smart enough to be a friend.

Roxy: You don't know what you're talking about. I saw this special on PBS called Animal Miracles, and they did a dramatic reenactment about a guy being robbed and he had a parrot or a cockatoo or something, and that bird lost its shit when its owner was attacked. It opened up its cage--

Mason: Why would you put a bird in a cage if it can open the door?

Roxy: Where else are you gonna put it?! It opened up its cage and went crazy. Pet stabbed the robber's eyes, scratched his face up like he was Tippi Hedren or some shit, and don't you tell me that's not friendship.

Mason: How big was his parrot?

Roxy: I don't know, parrot size.

Mason: Well, a parrot can't take on a full grown man unless that man is a big pussy.

Roxy: I didn't say the parrot won. The robber stabbed it with a fork and killed its owner. The bird's dead.

Mason: So why are you getting a bird?

Roxy: It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker, I'm gonna get a friend!

Mason: Jesus."

"Betty: Do you consider yourself exceptionally reasonable or exceptionally kind?
 * Also for Season 2 Episode "The Ledger" when Roxy shoots Mason.
 * "Herbig, as in 'Her Big Fat Ass.'" Hell, let's face it, nearly every Geroge snark is gold.
 * Mason. Betty. Car. Personality quiz.

Mason: Exceptionally kind.

Betty gives him a confused look.

Mason: Well, I'm not particularly reasonable."

"Mason: It landed on my wank... My wank is the key."
 * Mason casually beating the shit out of a meter to get the change inside. It fails horribly.
 * Rube trying to placate a large crowd of reaps with the same cause of death--a malfunctioning exercize machine blew holes in their stomachs.
 * "Last Call": Mason gets his 'assigment' written on a purple post-it note instead of a usual yellow one and decides that this must mean this is his last soul to reap. So he spends all his money and says goodbye to everyone. He finds the guy he has to reap and explains him what to do as a Reaper. They then both go swimming in the lake during a thunderstorm. Next day, we see Mason, presumably struck with lighting, sitting with the gang in Der Waffle Haus. Rube's reason for giving Mason a purple note? "The store has run out of the yellow ones." He then proceeds to assign everybody with purple notes.
 * George is attempting to break into a house but is failing. In the midst of her frustrated outburst a very high Mason (by means of a burst condom full of drugs in his colon) walks straight into the locked door, falls back and lands on the ground, and a spare key which had been hidden on the door frame is dislodged and lands on his crotch. He then tearfully delivers the line:

"George: (voiceover) I felt something I had never felt before - a hand on my ass. Who the hell was cupping my ass? Probably that perv from IS. (looks at Delores) Oh, god, I hope it was that perv from IS..."
 * George is being held up by her team after winning the bowling tournament for them:

"I wanna eat your face! I wanna rip off your skin, turn them into pajamas and wear them to bed!"
 * George's flashback of when her mother taught her to ride a bike when she was a kid. Her mother is smiling happily when George yells the usual "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" and stands back to watch her ride off into the distance. George then yells "And I'm not coming back!".
 * Doubles as a bit of a Tear Jerker when you see the slightly pained (mixed with confusion) expression on her mother's face. It's hard not to feel bad for her when she looks like that, considering her more recent history, and the way here daughters treated her at times.
 * Daisy, Mason and George trying to explain to a crazy elderly woman that she has died. They resort to acting out a scenario in which Mason plays her husband and Daisy plays her daughter. George pauses the scene to point out "Your husband- WILLIAM. Your daughter- BETH." When told his "wife" is dead, Mason asks "Dead? Your mother? DEAD? Nina, sitting right there? Dead? Woe is us! Woe is me! Just wooooe! Really fucking dead?"
 * Crystal the receptionist has a boyfriend. Really.
 * George Eating the Eye Candy (meaning her co-worker Brennan.

"Betty: I'm not staying. I've got an appointment downtown. *looks concerned* I hope it's not another dead hooker..."
 * In the first episode, George's first visit to the waffle house has a few funny moments, such as this gem of a line from Betty. Keep in mind that she's saying this in front of the waitress.

"(door closes startling the couple) That's the wind."
 * The scene where Roxy tries to stab Mason because he tried to steal her a hash brown from her plate. Mason comments "I've never seen such violence over such small potatoes!" Rube tells him that was almost clever. Mason completely fails to get it - either he doesn't know that hash browns are made from potato or he doesn't know what the expression "small potatoes" means - and Rube gives up on trying to explain.
 * Reggie scares a couple trying to buy their house by saying George was murdered there.