Skulduggery Pleasant/Funny

"Skulduggery: Are you going to faint?
 * Pretty much all the book dedications are hilarious.
 * Stephanie notices that Skulduggery is walking, talking skeleton. This conversation occurs.

Stephanie: I've never fainted before but I think you might be right.

Skulduggery: Would you like me to catch you?

Stephanie: If you wouldn't mind?

Skulduggery: Not at all.

Stephanie: *faints*"

"We're meant for each other.
 * During what is essentially the equivalent of the meadow scene, we get this...

Valkyrie: Holy God! Do you always come on this strong?"

"Serpine: Where are your oh so clever taunts now?
 * This exchange from the first book.


 * Beat*

Skulduggery: You've got big ears!"

"Skulduggery: Besides, I need you out here in case something goes horribly, horribly wrong."
 * Also, this:

Stephanie: What do I do then?


 * Beat*

Skulduggery: ...Panic."

"Valkyrie: What is that?
 * And, when they're in the caves underneath Gordon's house:

Skulduggery: That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.

Valkyrie: You don't know what it is, do you?

Skulduggery: I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us."

"Sanguine: When you have served your purpose, I swear to you I'm gonna kill you for free.
 * Most scenes involving Billy-Ray Sanguine.
 * After a fight, Sanguine disappears into the ground. Thinking he's gone, Tanith insults him, only to have him pop back up again. There's a bit of Witty Banter between Valkyrie, Tanith, and Sanguine, and then we get this:


 * disappears*


 * Beat*


 * pops back up*

Sanguine: Or at least half price."

"Billy-Ray: Women. They always take stuff from me. Bits and pieces of my soul. But now you take my damn straight razor? How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even shave?"
 * When Billy-Ray Sanguine gets his razor stolen.

" Valyrie: Well my morale is certainly boosted.
 * "But I drove here."
 * "I seem to have lost track of this speech, I'm not sure where it is going, but I know where it started and that's what I want you to remember. Has anyone seen my hat?"

Skulduggery: Really?

Valkyrie: God, no. That was awful."

"Erskine: Take that back!"
 * Kenspeckle is pissed off at Skulduggery. So he makes him wear a pink hospital gown covered in ducks.
 * Vaurian Scapegrace enters a funeral home in the hopes of being embalmed. The following scene must be read to be believed.
 * Erskine Ravel's response to Skulduggery suggesting that making him an Elder wasn't such a bad idea.


 * "Your reflection is still naked, by the way."
 * Clarabelle's job interview with  somehow manages to be a Crowning Moment of Funny and High Octane Nightmare Fuel at the same time.
 * Two words. Zombie Queen.
 * Skulduggery and Dexter Vex, shamelessly teasing Ghastly at the Requiem Ball.

"Vex: By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?

Ghastly: You can call me whatever you want.

Vex: Thank you Gladys."

"Vex: Francoise. Remember her, Ghastly? Remember that weekend we couldn't find you? We thought Mevolent had snatched you away and was torturing you within an inch of your life. Valkyrie, would you like to know what he was really doing that weekend?

Valkyrie: Yes I would.

Ghastly: No she wouldn't.

Skulduggery: I think she would.

Ghastly: If you tell her, I will have the both of you arrested. And possibly flogged."

"Valkyrie: So, if that had been our code, and Dragonclaw had told you that all we have to do is pull a lever, how would you have worked the sparrow flies south for winter into the conversation?
 * The entire The sparrow flies south for winter scene, but particularly,

Skulduggery: I would have said Ok, Bison, so you're sure we only need to pull a lever? And he would have said Yes, and I'd have said Excellent, thank you. Did you know, by the way, that the sparrow flies south for winter? And then I'd have punched him."

"Valkyrie: *on the phone* It's me.
 * Hell, anything involving Bison Dragonclaw can count.
 * Fletcher verbally castrating Caelan. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
 * The fact that  really shouldn't be funny. But then you get this.

Skulduggery: No, it's not. Because then I would be talking to myself and I don't do that any more."

"Valkyrie: So smile, goblin. Skulduggery Pleasant has been here all along, and tonight's the night when he gets to kick your green and wrinkly little-
 * Valkyrie deciding that dingoes are cute and that she wants one as a pet .  I may have just found that funny because I'm Australian.
 * This American troper thought it was pretty funny too.
 * I'm Australian too, and I loved not only this, but Fletcher telling Val he's  partly because Australians 'Talk funny.'
 * China's Freak-Out when Valkyrie accidentally uses the Sceptre of the Ancients and disintegrates her books.
 * One of the short stories, Gold, Babies and the Brothers Muldoon, has this golden moment:


 * Skulduggery falls through the roof and lands on his face*

Skulduggery: Oh my God. Oh my God that hurt."

"Valkyrie: Bloody vampires.
 * Also, the thing that's thrown him through the roof is a giant, hideous goblin...that's fallen in love with him.
 * "You put me on a list with Hitler?"
 * The running gag in The End Of The World.

Ryan: That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?

Skulduggery: We don't talk about vampires.

Ryan: But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-

Valkyrie: We don't talk about vampires!"