Serenity/Funny

"Wash: If Kaylee doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
 * At the beginning:

Mal: Define "interesting".

Wash: "Oh God oh God we're all gonna die"?

Mal: [over intercom] This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we might experience some slight turbulence, and the… explode. [to Wash] Can you shave the vector?

Wash: I'm doing it, it's not enough.

Mal: Well, just get us on the ground.

Wash: That part'll happen pretty definitely!"

"Fanty: Do you know that girl?
 * "We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!"
 * As River fights in the bar:

Mal: I really don't."

"Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you.
 * Kaylee after Simon confesses his feelings for her:

Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in sex?

Simon (flustered): I... mean to say.

Kaylee: To Hell with this. I'm gonna live!"

"Kaylee: It's been going on a year now I ain't had nothin' betwixt my nethers that weren't run on batteries!
 * When they enter the bar:

Mal: Oh god! I can't know that!

Jayne: I could stand to hear a little more."

"Simon: River! Are you alright?
 * After the Reaver chase at the beginning:

River: I swallowed a bug..."

"Mal: Do you want to run this ship?!
 * This exchange:

Jayne: Yes!

Mal: Well...[beat] you can't!"

"Jayne: "Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?""
 * Those grenades Mal didn't want Jayne to take along... one Reaver ship later:

""Okay!""
 * A guard at the company the crew is robbing asks for a password. Jayne fires his machine gun.

"Mal: The leg is good, it'll bleed plenty, and we avoid any necessary organs.
 * The guard then discussing where he wants to be shot (so he can avoid punishment for allowing the robbery to take place), with him and Mal debating the merits of a bullet through various areas of human anatomy.

Guard: I was thinking more of a graze...

Mal: Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up."

"Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!"
 * Jayne calling for Mal when the Reavers arrive:

"The Operative: Captain Reynolds, I should tell you so that you don't waste your time; you cannot make me angry.
 * Ahem... Ceiling River. That is all.
 * ‎"I've staked my crew's life on the theory you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now." *click* "… or… we could talk more."
 * "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour,
 * "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."
 * When the Operative and Mal first meet, and Mal tries to goad him:

Inara: Please, spend an hour with him."

"Zoe: At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime."
 * At the heist at the beginning, they open the safe door...only to find almost nothing in it.