Left 4 Dead/Funny

"Bill: Francis, is there anything you don't hate?
 * Francis' hate of almost random things. "I hate vans." "I hate small towns." "I hate stairs." "I hate hospitals, and cops, and lawyers." And of course, "I hate Ayn Rand." He actually gets called out on this at one point.

Francis: Know what I don't hate? I don't hate vests."

"Rochelle: I hate those stairs.
 * Hilariously turned around in the promo for The Passing when Francis and Rochelle seem to find something in common.

Francis: I know!!

Rochelle: I hate that bridge!

Francis: It's so stupid!

Rochelle: I hate your vest!

Francis: ... What now? Ugh. I don't think this is going to work out."

"Crazy Church Guy: Who's out there!?
 * The notorious "WE ARE THE REAL MONSTERS" graffiti - not for the message it's trying to convey, but for the Troll-like responses scrawled underneath it...with the real kicker being the whimsical, "I miss the Internet."
 * Also done in one of the Crash Course safehouses, where somebody writes a Glurge-y Tastes Like Diabetes poem about somebody who died, and is ripped apart in an identical manner. "PS IM FAT", "Cool story bro!", "Dear Allison / Roses are red / Violets are blue / You suck", "Jesus, lady I'm hiding from zombies and reading your poem was the worst thing that happened to me today."
 * My god, she could have been a Vogon for all we know!
 * Any comment from a survivor hit by friendly fire and the dialog exchange between the survivors and the crazy church guy in Death Toll. Francis says it best:

Francis: Well let's see. I'm Francis, and that's Grandpa Bill, and THERE'S ZOMBIES OUT HERE, OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!"

"Nick: What do you know? We're gonna make it!
 * Louis: "Mister, if any of us die out here, I will shoot this door down and beat you to death with my gun!"
 * If you fall on a zombie, from any height, you take no damage and it dies.
 * Due to the collision detection if you walk over zombies that have not gotten up yet, you automatically kill them. With good timing and a bit of luck you can even run across the zombies' heads and use them as a bridge.
 * Boomers explode when they die. Like everything else, they take damage from falls, and can die from them. Since Infected will often leap off buildings to get from place to place, it's not uncommon to hear a Boomer explosion echo throughout an otherwise peaceful night. It's even more hilarious to watch it happen.
 * The sequel has its moments, too. Especially Ellis' Keith stories. Classic, just classic.
 * The locations of where the infected spawn are purely random, but sometimes they appear in the weirdest places. This troper once ran into a Tank inside the woman's bathroom!
 * In the Dark Carnival finale on higher difficulties, a huge horde tends to spawn in one of the small bathrooms on the way to the arena.
 * Speaking of the Infected, the Hunters seem to die in ways that make everyone on a server laugh a lot of the time due to the knockback of the weapons turned on it, and if he's in the air.
 * I once saw about twenty zombies spawn from between two rectangular pillars in a subway, simply because no one on the team was positioned in such a way that we could actually see between them. Also, pills in the sequel have a knack for spawning inside toilets. Usually upside-down. Good thing there seems to be only one disease in the game's universe.
 * This bit from The Parish, right after all the alarmed cars:

[A bomb explodes a few meters in front of them, taking out the bridge]

Nick: OH COME ON!"

"Ellis: Aw, c'mon Coach, that biker guy seemed nice.
 * From The Passing:

Coach: He's probably stolen the Jimmy Gibbs Jr. by now.

Ellis: He is a dead man."

"Louis: Riverside's a bust. Let's just head to the river.
 * The reactions to friendly fire is sometimes over the top but also funny at the same time with lines like "GOD DAMMIT, WATCH YOUR FIRE!" or "I can't believe you just shot me again!" Some of the lines spoken in certain maps can also provoke laughter, such as this scene in the 4th map of Death Toll:

Francis: That's better than my plan.

Bill: What was that?

Francis: I didn't have one."

"Coach: Maybe we can gas up that car and make our way out of here.
 * Echoed in the sequel:

Nick: That's better than my plan.

Coach: What was that?

Nick: Stay here and die."

"Francis: I'm going to tear that bell down and shove it up your ass!
 * Of course, any dialogue involving the crazy church guy is also a barrel of laughs:

Bill: The guy's nuttier than candy bar shit."

""Please lord, let the food court be okay."
 * The song Re: Your Brains was confirmed to be a jukebox song in Left 4 Dead 2.
 * Did I mention this tank was AI controlled?
 * Most of Nick's banter in Left 4 Dead 2. Especially when it sounds like he's channeling Tourettes Guy.
 * "Ah, tits!"
 * And the Shout-Out: "You're really gonna shoot a guy in a $3000 suit? COME ON!"
 * Any bit of setpiece commentary by Ellis. ANY.
 * "My buddy Keith, lived in a graveyard once for a whole year. It wasn't a dare or nuthin', he just got kicked outta' his house..."
 * "We ain't got time for this, Ellis."
 * "Okay, but there WAS a goat."
 * How come this classic Ellis line isn't there yet?!
 * "Holy shit guys, KIDDY﻿ LAND!"
 * Coach while in the Mall.

"... Poor food court never stood a chance..."

"If I see a zombie running up to me with a sample tray, I ain't shootin' it...""

"Rochelle: Dear lord, please have mercy on Coach and spare the food court."
 * Sometimes followed by this:

"Ellis: So we have to set up to rock, and then fight zombies. (beat) This is the best day of my life!""
 * Coach contacts the military, who ask him if he's encountered the infected. His reply: "Encountered?! Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke, and eyeballs, and twenty other parts I don't even recognize! We are as immune as shit!" Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
 * After Coach suggests they use a rock concert to signal for rescue, Nick replies with "That's the stupidest plan I've ever agreed with."
 * How about this piece of alternate dialog, where Ellis sums up his plan?

"Ellis: I was born ready, so yes!"
 * And this response to when Coach asks if he's ready:

"Onscreen Text: Start the rock concert to signal the chopper."
 * The displayed message is

"Zoey: Oh no! The zombies killed God!""
 * The fact that one of the new Versus achievements shares the name with a Team Fortress 2 achievement involving throwing jars of your own piss at people.
 * After reading "GOD IS DEAD" on the walls of the airport terminal:

"(Quietly) "Oh, shit. I think I grabbed diet cola, we better get outta here."
 * One of Coach's reactions to a Jockey attack is to yell: "Ellis?! Is that you?!" in a horrified voice.
 * Rochelle in "Dead Center" after the cola mission:

(Much louder, to Whitaker) "HEY THANKS MISTER!""

"Nick: I do not like that little peanut man."
 * Clown Uncommon Infected. When they run, you can hear their squeaky shoes, and when you melee them in the face, their big red nose honks.
 * What caps this is the achievement you can get for doing so 10 times - Cl0wned.
 * L'il Peanut, the Whispering Oaks mascot; or more specifically, Nick's reaction to Li'l Peanut.

"Ellis: We gotta run the Coaster? OH MY GOD, IT'S CHRISTMAS!"
 * How is this not on here yet?

"Nick: I am breathing shit air into my lungs, it is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit.
 * The Passing DLC gives great lines while running through the sewers:

Ellis: Hey, I found a candy bar! (Beat) Whup. False alarm."

"Nick: I guess you could call this a cement river, Ellis."
 * I'm surprised nobody has included this one yet. Nick drops this line in the tunnel of love.

"Into the Swan Maintenence Room of Love!"
 * Speaking of the Tunnel of Love, this line, which any of the survivors can say, making it four times as funny.

"Nick, crawling through an air duct: This isn't very romantic."
 * Not to mention Nick's line "Coach, this bring back any memories? You, a cheeseburger, romance in the air?"

"Zoey: Did I ever tell you about the time when my buddy Ellis took a sports car and drove over some zombies?
 * One of the endings to The Passing shows that some of Ellis' habits have rubbed off on Zoey:

Francis: No, never heard that one before."

"Francis: Just pretend they're all helicopter pilots, Zoey.
 * Using a chainsaw is a barrel of fun, but aiming it at a Jockey or Hunter as they try to pounce you, only to jump right into the chainsaw, will get you laughing for a good minute.
 * After Zoey kills the helicopter pilot (who had turned into a zombie), Francis continues to tease her about it during Crash Course.

Zoey: He was a ZOMBIE, Francis!"

"Ellis: Nick, what the hell, you shot the pilot.
 * The similar exchange from the sequel was also quite awesome.

Nick: Well he wasn't doing a very good job once he became a zombie, now, was he?

Ellis: True, true, he was a zombie, but he was also our only pilot.

Nick: I shot a zombie. He was a zombie, Ellis. He must have gotten bitten before he picked us up."

"Francis: Did I get hit with a gun butt again?
 * From 'The Sacrifice' comic:
 * Part 1: The group gets rounded up by the military. Francis indicates Bill and says "I think you'd better cavity search him. He seems suspicious." Then, after the military starts dragging them along, "Oh, I get it! You guys want to cavity search each other!" His answer is a bash in the face by a machine gun butt.
 * And that's followed in Part 2, with Francis waking up in a cell next to Louis.

Louis: Yup.

Francis: Was it the guys I told to cavity search each other?

Louis: That'd be them.

Francis: Makes sense."

"Jeff: Does he know we can't hear him?
 * Later in the same comic, Francis taunting the two soldiers.

Annie: I'm guessing not."

"Francis: Yayyyy!"
 * Pretty much the entirety of Francis' dream at the start of the fourth part.

"Francis: Louis, why don't you stick your leg in, see if there's any witches."
 * Which turns into a disturbingly amusing Brick Joke later on in the comic. Not funny.  Actually Pretty Funny.
 * And then, when they find the other boat.

"Francis: Louis, if you don't stop being positive, I'm gonna sink that boat just to make you sad!"
 * Francis gets sick of Louis' optimism and lets him know it, but one line he has for him in The Sacrifice always has me rolling:

""Fixed the fix of the fix of the fix of the door exploit in No Mercy""
 * When Valve finally managed to fix an exploit in No Mercy's Left 4 Dead 2 port, this was the note that announced it.

"Francis: I can't believe I'm saying this...but I think I wanna hang out with Louis!
 * Seeing a Tank kill one of its own as it tries to get to you. Hilarity Ensues if an AI controlled Tank kills a Hunter that pounced you or knocks you out of the Smoker's grip. Raging ensues if said AI Tank does this to you while playing as the infected in VS mode.
 * There's a downloadable map called "Fallen" that includes a massive tower, a land slide, and a wind turbine tunnel. Seeing zombies fall off of the tower by the dozen will make anyone laugh. The reaction to the surprise landslide and the water slide-like trip that ensues along with the survivors flying around with zombies in the wind tunnel is even more hilarious.
 * In the first level of the first campaign of Left 4 Dead 2, get a bile bomb jar and throw it off the ledge. Then watch as the zombies flood out of the building and run off the ledge.
 * Francis on teamwork: "Hey! Alright. While you guys were gone, I came up with a plan. To do this quicker, we should break up into teams. Guys, you're shirts. Everybody else, skins...Now let's go!"
 * This troper always cracks up when he hears this line:

Louis: Really? Thanks man!"

"Louis: I can't believe we made it!
 * And the opening for Left 4 Dead, we get this at the end:

Bill: Son, we just crossed the street. *lights cigarette* Let's not throw a party 'til we're out of the city."

"Nick: Your mom's car.
 * This pair of lines from Nick and Ellis:

Ellis: See that was just uncalled for."

""Cotton candy, the wise pharaoh of food, sittin' a top the food pyramid, passing judgment on all the lesser foods.""
 * Coach's love of food produces a few great lines, including this one:

""Punk-ass bitch island, you better watch yo'self!""
 * At the end of The Passing, Zoey will occasionally say "Remember: Soylent Green is people."
 * The Midnight Riders Christmas song you can hear on the jukebox in The Passing. The lyrics are about kicking Santa's ass after he steals your woman.
 * This becomes even funnier when you read on the Youtube text for the song that they only made it in order to avoid 30,000 hours of community service. Before that, they had refused to do a Christmas charity album for children because it "just makes 'em weak, man."
 * Ever seen a Tank board your rescue vehicle? "Yakety Sax" comes to mind.
 * Hunters can occasionally do funny things, such as pouncing and missing you completely, or running headfirst into trees.
 * During The Sacrifice, Francis admits he has a legitimate fear and hatred of islands. Louis spends the next thirty seconds psyching up Francis, culminating in some of the funniest lines in context.


 * This is best done from high places, like the beginning of Dead Air. Throw a pipe bomb, watch dozens of infected sprinting towards it, and then BOOM!