Team Fortress 2/Items

Over the years, Valve has added a lot of new content to keep Team Fortress 2 going. As a result, each class has received a lot of guns, food, and even jars of urine to bring to the battlefield. In order of the class selection menu, here's what the team has:

Note: The names of promotional items are in green.

Primary

 * Scattergun: A shotgun that's devastating at close range and easy to hit with while running.
 * Sawed-Off Shotgun: The Scout's primary weapon, the Scattergun, and even further, the Force-A-Nature, which has a shorter barrel than its stock.
 * Force-A-Nature: An even shorter sawed-off shotgun that holds two shots at a time, but is able to push enemies with a knockback effect and gives the Scout an extra jump if he fires downward.
 * Blown Across the Room: Opponents will be blown back or up when hit by the Force-a-Nature at close range.
 * One Bullet Clips: Inverted. Even though the gun uses two individual shells instead of clips, if you fire one shell then reload the Scout will replace the second one and throw it away for no reason.
 * Recoil Boost: The Scout, with the Force-a-Nature, can fire down while double jumping to triple-jump (or just get a bigger second jump).
 * Shortstop: A derringer that holds four deadly shots.
 * Hand Cannon: While obviously not as much as the Spy's Ambassador (formerly the subject of the featured quote on that trope's page), it's a pistol that uses shotgun rounds.
 * Standard Status Effects: The Shortstop's shots were intended to slow enemies down on hit, but it never worked and was removed entirely.
 * Universal Ammo: While this could be said of any gun, the Shortstop shares its ammo with any of the Scout's pistols. This is meant as a drawback.
 * Soda Popper: A modified Force-A-Nature with a Crit-A-Cola replacing the grip. It has the damage and pellet count of the Scattergun, the two shell clip and firing speed of the Force-A-Nature, and instead of extra knockback has a faster reload and a "hype" meter that delivers mini-crits when it's full.
 * Charged Attack
 * MacGyvering: He replaced part of a gun with a damn soda can.

Secondary

 * Pistol: An alternative weapon for the Scout to shoot at long range.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Unorthodox Reload: The Scout flips his pistol over to insert a new magazine.
 * Bonk! Atomic Punch: A caffeinated (and radioactive) beverage that grants the Scout six seconds of complete invulnerability when consumed. Has a 30-second cooldown timer between uses.
 * Caffeine Bullet Time
 * Dodge the Bullet
 * Equivalent Exchange: Under its effects, you can neither take nor deal (with the exception of taunt kills) attacks. However, you still get recoil from the attacks.
 * I Love Nuclear Power: Bonk! Atomic Punch is so named because Bonk! is fulla radiation, which as we all know is pretty great for givin' people superpowers.
 * Now with ISOTOPES!
 * Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: Enemies who fire at the invulnerable Scout.
 * Klatchian Coffee
 * Near Misses: Every shot aimed at a Scout after drinking the energy drink.
 * Of course, the game doesn't actually change the projectiles shot at him. He still gets knockback from heavier fire. It gets ridiculous when he has seven arrows straight through his head and he's still making Six Million Dollar Man noises as if you really did miss him.
 * No Sell
 * Power-Up Food
 * We Need a Distraction: Sentries will still fire at a Scout under the item's effects, so his teammates can safely go around or destroy the sentry.
 * Crit-a-Cola: Another caffeinated beverage with a 30-second cooldown timer. It provides the Scout with six seconds of mini-crits, but all damage he takes are also mini-crits.
 * Equivalent Exchange
 * Klatchian Coffee
 * Power-Up Food
 * Testosterone Poisoning: GUARANTEED MANLINESS!
 * Lugermorph: A cosmetic weapon to promote Sam & Max. Acts just like the pistol.
 * Shout-Out: This is Max's gun. This and all subsequent Shout-Out weapons are promotional items relating to the series they come from.
 * Mad Milk: A bottle of a non-milk substance. Anyone drenched in it has 60% of the attacker's damage go to the attacker as health. Can put out fires and shorten out cloaking devices.
 * Liquid Assets: Heals health depending on how much damage enemies take while covered in milk.
 * Retcon: The Mad Milk is said to be from radiation infused cows. However, the description calls it a "Non-Milk Substance." This is because the Mad Milk was originally going to be the "Mann Milk" with the description "It's not milk".
 * Of course, it could be SOMETHING from radioactive cows, but not their milk.
 * Winger: A pistol with a nuclear decal that holds 5 bullets, but does 15% more damage than the regular pistol.

Melee

 * Bat: Aluminum, of the baseball variety. Makes a satisfying ping sound on an enemy skull.
 * Batter Up
 * Iconic Item: One of the few items heavily associated despite not being the one used most in gameplay. When all the other classes got a single default weapon in "festive style" (wrapped in Christmas lights), the Scout got a Scattergun and Bat.
 * Inherently Funny Words: BONK!
 * Kneecapping: "Say goodbye to your kneecaps, chucklehead!"
 * Sandman: Wooden, of the baseball variety. Lowers maximum health, but gives the Scout a baseball that can knock people on the head, causing them to be slightly stunned.
 * Home Run Hitter: The killtaunt for the Sandman.
 * Nerf: The Sandman is infamous within the community for the various patches that tried to balance the weapon, which has been more or less a roller coaster ride. The Sandman originally could stun at any distance, and even stun ÜberCharged players. It was subsequently nerfed to hell, then having some of the effects reinstated, nerfed, reinstated, etc. Currently Valve seems to have settled on a good balance, but you'll seldom see any serious player use it competitively.
 * Tap on the Head: The stun effects of baseballs it knocks out (though it only fully stuns at long range).
 * Written Sound Effect: The "BONK!" on stunning an enemy.
 * Holy Mackerel: A fish wrapped in a newspaper.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Edible Bludgeon
 * Interface Screw: For every successful slap on an enemy, a special kill log appears with a "x#" next to the icon for the fish with the number going up by one for each slap. It changes into "FISH KILL!" if the enemy goes down.
 * Nerf Arm: It is identical to the bat in terms of stats.
 * No Cartoon Fish: The Holy Mackerel is more detailed and realistic than anything else in this game.
 * Off-Model / Good Bad Bugs: After the Australian Christmas update, where it was supposed to always face the player, it now clips through itself, making it look like it's being wrapped tight on certain parts, as shown here.
 * Fan Nickname: This abomination of nature has been dubbed the Inception Fish by fans.
 * Shamu Fu
 * Undignified Death: Not only is there the Interface Screw, the item's description even reads, "Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating."
 * Shout-Out: Some references in the surrounding media are made to a Monty Python sketch. Also, its level is 42, referencing H2G2.
 * Boston Basher: A spiked bat that causes a bleeding effect on any enemy, but missing causes the Scout himself to get hit.
 * Awesome but Impractical: At first the weapon seems like a practical trade off, until you realize that the purpose of the bat is to swing it like a madman, being the reason the bat is weaker than the other melee weapons. You'll kill yourself a lot with this.
 * Difficult but Awesome: Does damage over time slightly greater than the swing itself, lets you jump further if you damage yourself with it, and helps Medics prepare their Über quickly, but you'll take damage if you swing and don't hit something solid.
 * Overdrawn At the Blood Bank
 * Spikes of Villainy
 * Three-Rune Blade: Works in the same way as the Boston Basher.
 * Overdrawn At the Blood Bank
 * Shout-Out: To The Witcher 2 Assassins of Kings.
 * Candy Cane: A large candy cane that grants the Scout a small health pack for each enemy he kills, but explosive damage is increased by 25%.
 * Edible Bludgeon
 * Impossible Item Drop: The health packs it grants.
 * Sun-on-a-Stick: A promotional item for Rift. This spiky mace does 25% less damage, but can critically hit all enemies who are on fire.
 * Shout-Out: To Rift.
 * Situational Sword: Obviously, if there isn't a Pyro on the team, this mace would be pretty useless.
 * X on a Stick
 * Fan O'War: A gunbai war fan. A hit with it causes the target (one at a time) to be marked for death, which is shown with a skull above the enemy, and take minicrits. Otherwise, it does 90% less damage.
 * Cherry Tapping: This weapon inflicts piddling damage, a whopping 90% less then the bat.
 * Paper Fan of Doom
 * Standard Status Effects: Inflicts a "Marked for Death" status on the first enemy hit, causing them to take additional damage from other sources.
 * Atomizer: A bat with a Bonk-decal with training weights. Grants the Scout a triple jump which does 10 damage to the Scout, but swings 30% slower and is 20% weaker than the standard bat against other players.
 * Cast From Hit Points: The triple jump deals 10 self-damage every time it's used.
 * Home Run Hitter: Has the same taunt as the Sandman.
 * Saxxy: An Australium-plated figurine of Saxton Hale, given to the winners of the Saxxy Awards. Turns enemies into gold on a kill, but otherwise functions like the stock melee weapon. Used by all classes.
 * Improvised Weapon
 * Lost Forever: Only 20 legitimate users have one, given that it's the prize of a contest.
 * Taken for Granite: Turns enemies into gold just like the Golden Wrench.
 * Conscientious Objector, a road sign that is compatible with the Decal Tool. Used by all classes except the Spy and Engineer.
 * Improvised Weapon
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: The Demoman drinks from the sign when he taunts.
 * Unarmed Combat: A severed Spy's arm. Functions like the Holy Mackerel except the kill feed reads "ARM KILL!"
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Grievous Harm with a Body
 * Wrap Assassin, a roll of wrapping paper with a glass ornament. The wrapping paper, understandably, does 70% less damage, but the ornament can be shot Sandman-style, which inflicts damage and causes bleeding on impact with an enemy. Similar to the Sandman, the initial hit will be a guaranteed Critical Hit if made at long range.
 * Improvised Weapon
 * Lethal Joke Item: Sure, it does less damage than a bat, which is in itself the worst item in the game to use as a melee weapon. However, with good aim, making your opponent bleed can be a very valuable tool, as it's harder to heal than afterburn, making it more useful to play a hit-and-run game than the Pyro. As well, when used in conjunction with the Mad Milk, it can be used to give yourself Regenerating Health if you hit Heavy or a Soldier with full health. And it's MUCH safer to use than the Boston Basher to cause a bleeding effect.
 * Overdrawn At the Blood Bank

Item Sets

 * Special Delivery: A set themed off the '50s/'60s milkman. Includes the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel, and Milkman. When the whole set is used, it gives the Scout 25 more health.
 * #1 Fan: A set themed off Bonk! merchandise. Includes the Soda Popper, Winger, Atomizer, and Bonk Boy. No special attributes.
 * The Curse-a-Nature: An Egyptian mummy costume. Includes the Wrap Battler, the B-ankh!, and the Futankhamun. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.
 * Santa's Little Accomplice: An elf costume. Includes the Wrap Assassin, Big Elfin Deal, and Bootie Time.

Hats

 * The Batter's Helm: a team-colored batting helmet; the Bonk Helm, a beer hat with two Bonk! cans attached to it; Ye Olde Baker Boy, a newboy's cap; Baseball Bill's Sports Shine, a lack of a hat; the Troublemaker's Tossle Cap, a baggy winter beanie; the Whoopie Cap, a button beanie; the Milkman, a milkman's hat; the Bombing Run, a leather aviator's hat; the Flipped Trilby, a brown trilby hat with an inverted brim worn backwards; the Superfan, a green-and-white baseball cap (obtained by pre-ordering Monday Night Combat); the Hero's Tail, a white-gray ponytail (obtained for pre-ordering The Witcher 2); the Bonk Boy, a pencil mask; El Jefe, Che Guevara's beret and hair; the Backwards Ballcap, a baseball cap; Hermes, a cadet hat with goggles and the Scout emblem; the Hot Dogger, a white cap with a hot dog on top; the Wrap Battle, a bandage-wrapped version of the Scout's normal cap; the Big Elfin' Deal, an elf hat and ears; and the Front Runner, a white-and-teamcolored headband that causes the Scout's hair to stand.

Misc. items

 * The Sign of the Wolf's School, a gray wolf's head medallion (obtained for pre-ordering The Witcher 2); the Essential Accessories, a pair of green shoes, socks, and wristbands (obtained by pre-ordering Monday Night Combat); the Planeswalker Goggles, a pair of wrap-around goggles (obtained by pre-ordering Magic: The Gathering); the Flip-Flops, a pair of yellow flip-flops that replace the Scout's shoes and socks; the Lucky No. 42, a towel and parasol that replaces the Scout's backpack; the Stereoscopic Shades, a pair of 3D glasses; the Ball-Kicking Boots, a pair of football (soccer) boots and socks that spawns a football (soccer ball) on spawn; the B-ankh!, a set of bandages on the Scout's arms and a golden ankh medallion necklace; the Futankhamun, which is the Scout's feet wrapped in bandages; the Bootie Time, elf boots and wristbands with jingle bells attached; the Boston Boom-Bringer, a boombox in place of the Scout's backpack that also plays music when he taunts; the Fast Learner, a dress shirt worn under the Scout's t-shirt (a woman's dress shirt, oddly enough); the Teufort Tooth Kicker, a pair of cowboy boots with metal-capped toes; and the Cross-Comm Express, a brown cap with a headset and a pair of goggles, connected to a monocle.

Primary

 * Rocket Launcher, It hits hard at distance and is slow to reload. Has no recoil of any kind, but the explosion can send you or your enemy flying a good ways, and can be used to Rocket Jump.
 * Law of Inverse Recoil: The Soldier only feels the recoil of his rockets if he's in the blast radius. As with real rocket launchers, there's very little recoil from simply firing the weapon.
 * Rocket Jump: The Soldier is very much designed around this, with special damage reductions (later rolled into a general self-damage reduction) on damage taken from rocket jumping.
 * Unorthodox Reload: The Soldier reloads his rocket launcher by sweeping rockets into the front (and it holds up to four rockets at a time).
 * Direct Hit: A rocket launcher that trades off the splash damage for more powerful and faster rockets.
 * Critical Hit: Deals mini-crits to all airborne targets.
 * Black Box: A rectangular rocket launcher that grants 15 health for every hit, but holds 3 rockets instead of 4.
 * Life Drain
 * Rocket Jumper: A orange-and-white painted version of the Rocket Launcher with a folded down sight that gives the Soldier three times the loaded rockets and has no self-damage... but does no damage and the Soldier cannot carry the Intelligence with the weapon equipped.
 * Joke Item: Deals no damage, which facilitates Rocket Jumps but at the same time makes the Soldier unable to use his primary weapon for anything else.
 * Nerf: One was able to survive the Equalizer taunt with this weapon before, but now only the Rocket Jumper's ammo will negate self-damage. This was quickly reverted, meaning one can now survive said tauntkill.
 * Liberty Launcher: A green, skinnier rocket launcher that is able to shoot rockets that go 40% faster than normal, but loads 1 less rocket.
 * Cow Mangler 5000: A ray gun-like rocket launcher. It doesn't have ammo (but must be reloaded with a hand crank), holds 1 more shot, can be charged to mini-crit and disable buildings for up to 4 seconds, and disintegrates enemies upon a kill. On the downside, it does slightly less damage to players, greatly reduced damage to buildings, slightly longer reload time, and doesn't crit at all.
 * Bottomless Magazines: However, it must be recharged after 5 shots.
 * Charged Attack
 * Frickin' Laser Beams
 * Ray Gun
 * Trope 2000
 * Zeerust
 * Original: The Rocket Launcher from Quake. Functions like the normal Rocket Launcher, except its rockets have a different firing angle.
 * Legacy Weapon
 * Shout-Out: To Quake and to an extension, the original Team Fortress. It's complete with the rocket launcher being front-and-center in first-person view and having the same firing sound clip from Quake (Which infact, was also the same sound used for the Scout and Medic's concussion grenades in Classic).

Secondary
""What is the science behind these miracles of technology? Magic, probably.""
 * Shotgun: A standard shotgun used to shoot enemies up close.
 * Boring but Practical: The shotgun is essential if a Soldier wants to assault somewhere alone. Especially useful for swatting Scouts out of the air, who would otherwise dodge the rockets.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Short-Range Shotgun: Both averted and played straight. Its pellet spread is pretty realistic, but the damage falloff means it still won't be killing anyone past medium range.
 * Buff Banner: A slightly worn-out backpack and bugle that gives the Soldier a rage meter he fills by dealing damage. When the meter is full, the Soldier can blow his bugle to grant himself and any nearby teammates 10 seconds of mini-crits.
 * Critical Hit / Status Buff: Boosts the damage of the Soldier and everyone around him.
 * Magic Music: Although it could just be Clap Your Hands If You Believe.
 * Music for Courage: A couple of notes, but it works.
 * Power Glows: All boosted weapons will.
 * Battalion's Backup: A back-mounted radio and horn where the rage meter is now built by taking damage. When the meter is full, the Soldier grants extra protection and no critical hit damage for himself and his teammates.
 * Magic Music
 * Music for Courage
 * Status Buff: A defense-oriented one compared to the Buff Banner.
 * Gunboats: A pair of iron-toed boots that give 60% less damage to rocket jumping.
 * Rocket Jump: Facilitates them.
 * Tricked-Out Shoes
 * A Wizard Did It:


 * Concheror: A war banner with a conch shell trumpet. The rage meter is built both by dealing and taking damage. When activated, both the user and his allies will receive 35% of all damage they inflict on an enemy as health.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Life Drain
 * Magic Music
 * Music for Courage
 * Mantreads: Buckled general's boots, extremely heavy. The knockback effect from damage attacks is reduced by 75% and stomping on an enemy's head will deal significant damage.
 * Combos: Can be paired with the Market Gardener for extra pain to the enemy upon landing.
 * Goomba Stomp
 * It's Raining Men
 * Tricked-Out Shoes
 * Reserve Shooter: A shotgun that only holds 3 shells, but switching weapons becomes 15% quicker. For three seconds after the weapon switch, the Soldier can shoot airborne enemies, each shot ensuring a mini-crit.
 * Bang Bang BANG: Significantly louder-sounding than the game's other shotguns.
 * Combos: Pretty much designed around the Soldier's ability to launch people into the air, and then knock them back down with a well-aimed shotgun blast.
 * Righteous Bison: A handheld ray gun. Doesn't need ammo. Fires a projectile that penetrates enemies, and cannot be reflected, but does reduced damage to buildings. Also disintegrates upon a kill.
 * Bottomless Magazines
 * Cherry Tapping
 * One-Hit Polykill
 * Ray Gun
 * Violation of Common Sense: Due to the weapon's enemy-piercing quality, you get hit more if you try to run directly away from it. This means the best option in a tight corridor is to move towards the crazed man holding a space gun.
 * Zeerust

Melee

 * Shovel: A military entrenching tool.
 * Incendiary Exponent: The Soldier apparently got used to his shovel randomly igniting, after twelve years. This does not appear in gameplay.
 * Shovel Strike
 * Equalizer: A pickaxe that grants more damage and faster speed the less health the Soldier has. It blocks healing from Medics and calling for Medics when it is out.
 * Desperation Attack: "Get close enough to death, and you will become Death himself".
 * Misery Builds Character
 * Powerful Pick
 * Situational Sword: It does more damage and makes you run faster the closer you get to death.
 * Sure Why Not: The Equalizer was implemented in the Soldier update from a fan suggestion.
 * Taking You with Me: The killtaunt gibs enemies within the Soldier when the grenade goes off.
 * Pain Train: A stick with a large rusty nail at the end. For 10% more bullet damage, the Soldier can capture points and push carts as fast as the Scout.
 * An Axe to Grind: Probably where the handle comes from, as it is identical to the Axtinguisher's.
 * Fragile Speedster: Increases your vulnerability to bullets, but doubles the speed at which you capture points and push carts.
 * Situational Sword: Equipping this weapon in CTF maps is useless and equipping it in Arena maps is downright dumb, unless the enemy team consists of only Demomen and Medics. However, on Control Points (especially Medieval Mode, where no guns means no bullets) the capture speed bonus can greatly turn the tide.
 * Frying Pan: A jet-black cooking instrument. Now usable by all classes except the Spy and Engineer.
 * Frying Pan of Doom
 * Joke Item: it is identical to the shovel/bottle in terms of stats.
 * Shout-Out: To the same melee weapon in Left 4 Dead 2
 * Half-Zatoichi: A katana that grants full health when it lands a kill, but until it gets that kill, the Soldier is unable to switch to his other weapons. Dueling with an enemy that also has the Half-Zatoichi will result in a one-hit kill.
 * Honor Before Reason: It is "honorbound", preventing you from changing weapons until you get a kill with it.
 * Katanas Are Just Better
 * Single-Stroke Battle: A one-hit kill on another player who is also wielding this sword.
 * Shout-Out: To the Japanese TV and Film character Zatoichi, a blind swordsman. Why Half-Zatoichi? Because the Soldier's perfectly working eyes are covered by his helmet most of the time, and therefore, his vision's impaired.
 * Disciplinary Action: A riding crop that increases the running speed of the Soldier and an ally if the ally is hit with this weapon. Deals 25% less damage.
 * Hitbox Dissonance: To compensate for keeping your aim steady when whipping a teammate, the weapon has a full three hundred sixty degree attack range around the Soldier. This also applied to dealing damage to enemies.
 * (Lethal) Joke Item: It's a riding crop. That can kill people.
 * Status Buff
 * Whip It Good
 * Market Gardener: A regular folding garden shovel. No random crits, but deals critical hit damage during rocket jumping.
 * Combos: Can go with the Mantreads for extra pain upon landing on an enemy.
 * Shovel Strike
 * Situational Sword

Item Sets

 * Tank Buster: A black-themed military set. Includes the Black Box, Battalion's Backup, and the Grenadier's Softcap. When the whole set is used together, the Soldier takes 20% less damage from sentries.
 * Airborne Armaments: An aerial-themed military set. Includes the Liberty Launcher, the Reserve Shooter, the Market Gardner, and the Jumper's Jeepcap. No special attributes.
 * General's Formals: A set themed around, well, generals. Includes the Mantreads, Disciplinary Action, Armored Authority, and the Fancy Dress Uniform. No special attributes.
 * Dr. Grordbort's Victory Pack: A sci-fi-themed set. Includes the Cow-Mangler 5000, the Righteous Bison, Lord Cockswain's Pith Helmet, and Lord Cockswain's Novelty Mutton Chops and Pipe. No special attributes.
 * The Tin Soldier: A homemade robot costume. Includes the Idiot Box, the Steel Pipes, and the Shoestring Budget. Enables varied responses and a special taunt on full set. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.

Hats

 * The Soldier's Stash, the Soldier's default helmet with an ace of spades and carton of cigarettes attached; the Stainless Pot, a silver cooking pot; the Tyrant's Helm, a viking helmet; the Killer's Kabuto, a samurai helmet; the Sergeant's Drill Hat, a campaign hat that a Drill Sergeant Nasty would wear; the Lumbricius Lid, a mesh-covered helmet (obtained by pre-ordering Worms Armageddon, includes the Holy Hand Grenades); the Grenadier's Softcap, a dark grey leather cap; the Cheiftain's Challenge, a Native American war bonnet; Dr's Dapper Topper, a striped hat; the Stout Shako, a shako; the Exquisite Rack, a pair of deer antlers; the Defiant Spartan, a Greek war helmet (actually a Hoplite helmet, not a Spartan helmet); the Hero's Hachimaki, a team-colored headband with a star emblem (obtained by pre-ordering Home Front); the Honcho's Headgear, a peaked cap with glasses; the Brain Bucket, a bloodstained bucket (obtained by purchasing Plants vs. Zombies); the Team Captain, M. Bison's hat (shared with the Heavy and Medic); the Furious Fukaamigasa, a Japanese straw hat; the Armored Authority, a helmet with three stars on it; the Jumper's Jeepcap, an aviator's hat; Lord Cockswain's Pith Helmet And Goggles, a pith helmet with a pair of goggles and antenna attached; the Stalhelm, a German army helmet; the Hat With No Name, a cowboy hat; the Salty Dog, a skipper's cap; the Idiot Box, a cardboard robot head; the Infernal Impaler, a black skull with horns poking out of the eye sockets; the Lucky Shot, the default helmet with a mortar bomb embedded in it; the Battle Bob, a haircut like the (female) antagonist in Jagged Alliance 3; the Conquistador, a conquistador helmet; and the Cross-Comm Crash Helmet, the default helmet with some small metal attachments and a monocle over the Soldier's left eye.

Misc. Items

 * The Gentle Manne's Service Medal, a medal (given to the first 11,111 who found a hidden page in the Classless Update page, now Lost Forever); the Fancy Dress Uniform, a tie and lapels; Lord Cockswain's Novelty Pipe and Mutton Chops, a black pipe with white mutton chops; Pocket Medic, a Medic doll, the Steel Pipes, two dryer hoses which fit on the Soldier's arms; the Shoestring Budget, a pair of shoeboxes; the Ornament Armament, ornaments which replace the standard grenades; the All-Father, a white beard; the Kringle Collection, which makes the Soldier resemble Santa Claus; the Teufort Tooth Kicker, a pair of cowboy boots with metal-capped toes; and the Professor's Pineapple, a beaker-shaped pineapple grenade that replaces the standard grenades.

Primary

 * Flamethrower: Short range, good damage, sets other players on fire, where they will burn continuously for a short time. Has a compressed air blast that can fling enemies, extinguish teammates, and reflect projectiles (except bullets).
 * Attack Deflector: The Airblast secondary fire, which can deflect most projectiles. People have even made a game mode out of it where tracking rockets are spawned and keep gaining speed as they're reflected from one team to the other.
 * Bizarre and Improbable Ballistics: The direction a deflected projectile goes in is not based on either its previous direction or the direction the airblast hits it from, but wherever the Pyro's cursor is pointed.
 * Cherry Tapping: Airblasts can be used to juggle enemies while they burn or to separate Übered Medics from their patient.
 * Lethal Joke Item / Lethal Joke Character: Or blast enemies off the stage entirely. Some King of the Hill maps allow a skillful Pyro to potentially blast an entire enemy team off the point into a Bottomless Pit below. Cue the Rage Quit.
 * Convection, Schmonvection: As a result of Hitbox Dissonance with the particle-based damage, this trope maybe be played straight, averted, or inverted when it comes to damage.
 * Counter Attack
 * Fire-Breathing Weapon
 * Kill It with Fire
 * Nerf: The weapon does less damage than it did when it was released; the Backburner has been buffed (and the main limitation of not being able to airblast was removed), and the Degreaser's downside is fairly negligible compared to its fantastic quick-switch ability. It also doesn't help that Pyros generally fall into two camps: ambushers who flank and strafe with the Backburner, and Axtinguish combo users, who prefer the Degreaser for a deadly one-two combo.
 * Swiss Army Weapon: The Pyro's flamethrower is almost this, It can: reveal cloaked/disguised Spies (by setting them on fire), give a friendly Sniper literal firepower (by setting his arrows on fire), blow away enemy sticky grenades with the airblast, blow away enemies in general, extinguish burning teammates, reflect rockets, grenades, arrows, baseballs, and pretty much any projectile that isn't a bullet or shotgun shell.
 * Backburner: A flamethrower with a dragon-shaped head. Deals 10% more damage and can crit enemies from behind, but uses 50 ammo for the compression blast instead of 20.
 * In the Back: Auto-crits if you burn someone from behind.
 * Degreaser: A flamethrower made from a gas pump, car muffler, exhaust pipe, fire extinguisher and stove top burner. The Pyro can switch weapons 65% faster with it, but afterburn damage is reduced by 25%.
 * MacGyvering: It's cobbled out of a bunch of stuff.
 * Quick Draw: The Degreaser allows you to switch out weapons insanely fast, at the expense of not having a very damaging afterburn. This combos well with just about all the other weapons in the Pyro's arsenal.
 * Phlogistinator: A ray gun-like flamethrower that has a "Mmmph" meter, which, when activated, refills health and allows crits for a few seconds. It is incapable of airblasting or dealing random crits, however, and has a 10% damage reduction.
 * Heal Thyself
 * Oh Crap: The typical feeling when you see that Pyro activate the Mmmph taunt in enclosed space.
 * Transformation Is a Free Action: Enforced. Activating Mmmph makes the Pyro stand still for a couple seconds, and during that time, he's nearly unkillable, as incoming damage is reduced by 90% (right after healing him to full health). Unless you're a Spy, whose Back Stab is still a One-Hit Kill, the taunt is a warning, not an opening.
 * Zeerust

Secondary

 * Shotgun: Functions exactly like the Soldier's.
 * Kamehame Hadoken: The taunt attack for the shotgun as well as the other secondary weapons.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Flare Gun: Shoots out flaming projectiles that can light enemies at a distance as it follows a parabolic trajectory. It deals crit damage to anybody already on fire.
 * Cherry Tapping: The Flare Gun is a long-range weapon that does low damage, but sets enemies on fire. Bad for direct attacks, good for annoying your enemies or finishing them off.
 * Lethal Joke Item: Scores full crits on a burning enemy, which means with two well timed flares, a Pyro can take out half of the enemy classes from range paralleled only by the Sniper and Soldier (Heavies, Demomen, Soldiers, and Pyros being too bulky or immune to have it work completely). It should be noted however that it is quite difficult to score a hit on an aware opponent.
 * Flare Gun: Duh.
 * Detonator: A modified Flare Gun that allows the user to detonate the flare mid-flight, but adds 25% more self-damage and only gets mini-crits on burning enemies instead of full crits.
 * Rocket Jump: Aside from functioning like an explosive version of the Flare Gun, it can be used to get the Pyro into unusual areas, but it's not much of a jump. It works more or less like a Scout's Double Jump in terms of height.
 * Reserve Shooter: A shotgun that only holds 3 shells, but switching weapons becomes 15% quicker. For three seconds after the weapon switch, the Pyro can shoot airborne enemies, each shot ensuring a mini-crit.
 * Bang Bang BANG: Significantly louder-sounding than the game's other shotguns.
 * Combos: Pretty much designed around the Pyro's ability to launch people into the air, and then knock them back down with a well-aimed shotgun blast.
 * It also combos very well with the Degreaser, as the weapon switch speed bonus from both weapons stacks, making the Pyro switch weapons almost instantly.
 * Manmelter: A grey ray gun that gives a critical hit for each teammate extinguished with it. It also does not have a traditional ammo meter and cannot be reflected, like the Righteous Bison. It doesn't randomly crit.
 * Bottomless Magazines
 * Ray Gun
 * Weapons That Suck: The alt-fire literally sucks the flames off of teammates, giving one guaranteed critical shot per teammate extinguished in this manner.
 * Zeerust

Melee

 * Fire Axe: A standard axe usually used with firemen.
 * An Axe to Grind
 * Instrumental Weapon: Pyro's taunt with all of his melee loadout items. The Third Degree actually plays a guitar riff.
 * Axtinguisher: A barbed axe that does less damage to enemies not on fire, but does lots to enemies that are.
 * An Axe to Grind
 * Combos: Usually used in combination with the flamethrower's fire and airblast to quickly disable an opponent. The burn-airblast-axtinguish combo is usually referred to as the "Puff and Sting."
 * In conjunction with the Degreaser, which allows for instantaneous weapon switches, you can effectively skip the airblast step and go straight to one-shotting them.
 * Situational Sword
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Homewrecker: A sledgehammer that deals less damage to players, but does twice as much damage to enemy buildings and sappers.
 * Drop the Hammer
 * Situational Sword: Weak against enemies, strong against buildings and the only weapon besides wrenches that can destroy sappers.
 * Powerjack: an automobile jack with a car battery tied to it. It gives the Pyro 75 health after a kill, but the Pyro takes 20% more melee damage with it out.
 * Drop the Hammer
 * Life Drain: +75 health for every kill. And even on full health is it added as overheal (maximum 260).
 * Back Scratcher: A rake that deals more damage and gives twice as much health via health packs, but gives one-fourth as much healing from Medics.
 * Improbable Weapon User
 * Equivalent Exchange: You get significantly more health from the medkits laying around, but now Medics and Dispensers heal you at a snail's pace.
 * Sharpened Volcano Fragment: A jagged axe made from brimstone and obsidian. Part of a promotion for Rift. Deals 20% less damage, but can ignite enemies.
 * An Axe to Grind
 * Lava Adds Awesome: The edges glow with lava. Modern science is unable to explain exactly where it comes from.
 * Kill It with Fire: To extremes; one swing will ignite an enemy, and this fire will stay for a very long time unless something puts the victim out.
 * Game Breaking Bug: While tinkering with the files, Valve accidentally removed its ability to ignite people.
 * Shout-Out: To the game Rift.
 * Situational Sword: Doesn't do as much damage as the normal axe, but on a map without much water, your victim's gonna burn for a long time even if they kill you.
 * Maul: An odd sort of wrench... axe... thing that is functionally identical to The Homewrecker. Rewarded in Genuine quality for prepurchasing Red Faction Armageddon.
 * Drop the Hammer
 * Situational Sword
 * Postal Pummeler: A mailbox. Functions like the Axtinguisher.
 * Combos: Usually used in combination with the flamethrower's fire and airblast to quickly disable an opponent. The burn-airblast-axtinguish combo is usually referred to as the "Puff and Sting."
 * Improvised Weapon
 * Situational Sword
 * Third Degree: An axe with a hot coil instead of a sharpened edge. Damage from this transfers to those connected by a Medic's healing beam.
 * An Axe to Grind

Item Sets

 * Gas Jockey's Gear: A set themed around the 50's gas station. Includes the Degreaser, Powerjack, and the Attendant. When the whole set is used together, the Pyro's move speed is increased by 10%, but takes 10% more damage from bullets.
 * The Infernal Imp: A devilish costume set. Includes the Blazing Bull, the Fallen Angel, and the Tail From the Crypt. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.
 * The Moonman Pack: Includes the Phlogistinator, Manmelter, Third Degree, Bubble Pipe, and Moonman's Backpack.

Hats

 * The Pyro's Beanie, a team-color-and-yellow propeller beanie (possibly reflecting his Psychopathic Manchild side); the Brigade Helm, a fireman's helmet; the Respectless Rubber Glove, the Engineer's missing glove; the Triboniophorus Tyrannus, a brain slug; the Vintage Merrywether, an 18th-century fire brigade helmet; the Attendant, a 50's gas station attendant's hat and bow tie; the Handyman's Handle, a plunger; the Napper's Respite, a striped stocking cap; the Old Guadalajara, a sombrero; the Foster's Facade, a white, more realistic gas mask (obtained by purchasing Killing Floor during the Twisted Christmas event or before); the Madame Dixie, a tea hat; the Pyromancer's Mask, a dragon skull; the Prancer's Pride, a single reindeer antler like the one the Grinch puts on Max; the Dead Cone, a bloodstained traffic cone (obtained by purchasing Plants vs. Zombies); the Hottie's Hoodie, a hoodie with flame decals; the Connoisseur's Cap, a chef's hat; the Stately Steel Toe, a boot; the Birdcage, a birdcage with a team-colored bird; the Flamboyant Flamenco, a flamenco hat; the Little Buddy, a sailor's cap; the Blazing Bull, a pair of devil horns; the Head Warmer, a hood with fluffy ball on top; the Bubble Pipe, a space helmet with a smoking pipe sticking through it; the Waxy Wayfinder, a partially melted lit candle; and the Triclops, the Assassin's helmet from Super Monday Night Combat.

Misc. Items

 * The Whiskered Gentleman, a fake beard and monocle taped onto the Pyro's mask; the Stockbroker's Scarf, a blue striped tie (obtained by purchasing Killing Floor during or before the Twisted Christmas event); the Sight for Sore Eyes, a pair of googly eyes; the Cremator's Conscience, a pair of angel/devil Pyro dolls; the Fallen Angel, a pair of devil wings; the Tail From the Crypt, a devil's tail; the Apparition's Aspect, a translucent ghost head; the Last Breath, a skull covering the Pyro's mask; the Moonman's Backpack, a jetpack which replaces the Pyro's oxygen tank; the Ornament Armament, ornaments which replace the standard grenades; the Jingle Belt, four yellow sleigh bells that replace the grenades (and make sound on movement); the Scrap Pack, a deactivated Chopper-Bot; and the Professor's Pineapple, a beaker-shaped pineapple grenade that replaces the standard grenades.

Primary

 * Grenade Launcher: Team-colored rounds explode on contact if they hit in the air, or they bounce and explode after a time delay.
 * Loch-n-Load: This alternate Grenade Launcher only holds two grenades versus the default launcher's four and they shatter harmlessly on impact with anything but an enemy, but they travel 25% faster and deal 20% more damage. They also hurt you more.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Difficult but Awesome
 * Set Bonus: Provides a 10% resistance to fire if equipped in combination with the Ullapool Caber.
 * Ali Baba's Wee Booties: A pair of curved-toe sandals. Gives 25 more max health, and using them allows the user to change directions easier when charging.
 * Ascended Glitch: It used to be possible, through an exploit, to be able to double how fast a player can turn during a Chargin' Targe charge. It was removed in favor of this footwear's attributes.
 * Crippling Overspecialization: When the One Thousand and One Demoknights set is used together, the Demoman has no ranged weapons at all, but has a very deadly melee weapon that is capable of one-shotting most classes.
 * Tricked-Out Shoes
 * Bootlegger: A wooden peg leg and boot. Functions like Ali Baba's Wee Booties.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon

Secondary
"Publicity blurb: "If I were to pick up this cowering-plate, I would have to put down my second sword,” a Scotsman thinks. “And surely that is madness.”
 * Stickybomb Launcher: Same as above, but shorter range (although it can be increased by holding down the fire button), and the bombs stick to the walls, ceiling, or floor, and can be detonated remotely. Good for traps and defending points and has a limit of eight bombs on the field at a time.
 * Rocket Jump: Sticky jumping.
 * Sticky Bombs: They stick to landscape, but not to enemies.
 * Scottish Resistance: Allows the Demoman to plant up to 14 bombs and lets him detonate them in groups (depending on where his crosshair is pointing) instead of all at once. Has a much higher rate of fire, but the stickies take more priming time before they can be detonated.
 * Bomb Disposal: can be used to destroy enemy stickybombs.
 * Chargin' Targe: A wooden shield with a spike that grants the Demoman the ability to charge. When charging, he rushes straight at a very quick speed and depending on his timing, his melee weapon will deal a regular hit, a mini-crit, or a full crit.
 * Bullfight Boss: Basically turns the Demoman into one.
 * Dual-Wielding: Defied.

The Chargin’ Targe solves this riddle by turning the useless shield into a deadly weapon you can run at people with and then bludgeon to death."


 * Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: Provides fire and explosion resistance!
 * Shield-Bash
 * Sticky Jumper: A practice weapon for sticky jumping. It looks like the normal Stickybomb Launcher, except with orange-and-white paint. It gives the Demoman 48 more stickies and no self-damage, but does absolutely no damage doesn't randomly crit, and disables the ability to carry the Intelligence.
 * Lethal Joke Item: Does no damage, but makes the Demoman capable of performing ridiculous feats of mobility over and over again.
 * Nerf: One was able to survive the Demoman's grenades and the Ullapool Caber with this weapon before, but now only the Sticky Jumper's ammo will negate self-damage. On the other hand, a more recent update removed the increased damage from bullets, fire, and explosives.
 * Prop Recycling: Both the launcher and its bombs used to look exactly like the regular launcher. After the model for the launcher was updated, they gave it bombs their own model--namely one of proposed but unused models for the Scottish Resistance.
 * Splendid Screen: An iron shield that provides less fire and explosion protection compared to the Chargin' Targe, but it can deal charge impact damage at any range, and causes 70% more damage than the Targe.
 * Combos: A Shield-Bash+crit melee attack can kill most classes in one hit (with the Scotsman's Skullcutter any class that isn't overhealed). Unlike the Chargin' Targe, this shield allows a crit during any part of the charge.
 * Crippling Overspecialization: When the One Thousand and One Demoknights set is used together, the Demoman has no ranged weapons at all, but has a very deadly melee weapon that is capable of one-shotting most classes.
 * Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: Provides less than half the protection from fire and explosives as the Chargin' Targe does, but...
 * Shield-Bash: does 70% more damage, and from any range instead of the longest.

Melee

 * Bottle: Bottle of scrumpy, to be precise. Breaks after a critical hit, but that's only a cosmetic difference.
 * Grievous Bottley Harm
 * Eyelander: A huge Scottish claymore. Supposedly haunted, as it quietly whispers for more heads. The Demoman gets 25 less health, but every decapitation adds more health and speed until he reaches four decapitations.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * BFS
 * Magikarp Power: Not quite so useless as a Magikarp, but with the Eyelander/Nine Iron/Headtaker equipped, the wielder starts with 25 less HP, but as he gathers more and more heads, his HP and speed increase. Pairs well with a shield, if the player manages to trade, pick up, or obtain one by achievements.
 * Off with His Head: All the swords and axes the Demoman has decapitates despite the animations being vertical strikes.
 * Shout-Out: To Highlander. It even grants you more power as you behead more people.
 * If you kill another player who is also wielding the Eyelander, the Demoman will shout "There can only be one! ...Eye", a literal Shout-Out to Highlander.
 * Talking Weapon: You'll occasionally hear a soft "HHEEEEAAADSSS" coming from The Eyelander, as highlighted in this page of the announcement comic.
 * Victor Gains Loser's Powers: Head count from a slain Demoman is added to your head count.
 * Scotsman's Skullcutter: A battleaxe stained with blood that has a long, wooden handle. It causes 20% more damage, but slows down the wearer by 15%.
 * An Axe to Grind
 * Critical Encumbrance Failure
 * Pain Train: A stick with a large rusty nail at the end. For 10% more bullet damage, the Demoman can capture points and push carts as fast as the Scout.
 * An Axe to Grind: Probably where the handle comes from, as it is identical to the Axtinguisher's.
 * Fragile Speedster
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: The Demoman used to actually drink from the Pain Train. This was removed on June 3, 2011.
 * Situational Sword: Equipping this weapon in CTF maps is useless and equipping it in Arena maps is downright dumb, unless the enemy team consists of only Demomen and Medics.
 * Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker: A menacing battleaxe that functions just like the Eyelander.
 * Alliterative Name
 * Off with His Head
 * Victor Gains Loser's Powers: Head count from a slain Demoman is added to your head count.
 * Frying Pan: A jet-black cooking instrument. Now usable by all classes except the Spy and Engineer.
 * Frying Pan of Doom
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: The Demoman actually drinks from the Frying Pan during his taunt.
 * Joke Item
 * Shout-Out: To the same melee weapon in Left 4 Dead 2.
 * Claidheamh Mòr: A greatsword covered in blood and a team-color tartan pattern handle. It has the extended range and lack of crits of the Eyelander, but only reduces health by 15 and instead of collecting heads it makes charges with a shield last a half second longer.
 * As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Was originally named "Claidheamohmor" upon release, but corrected by an update noting "to the joy of our Celtic players."
 * BFS
 * No Pronunciation Guide: It's pronounced "CLAYF-mohr", but most people don't get that from the spelling because it's not an English word.
 * Non-Indicative Name: Its name is Scottish Gaelic for "claymore", but it's more like a zweihander.
 * Half-Zatoichi: A katana that grants full health when it lands a kill, but until it gets that kill, the Demoman is unable to switch to his other weapons. Dueling with an enemy that also has the Half-Zatoichi will result in a one-hit kill.
 * Honor Before Reason: The Demoman cannot switch weapons until it gets a kill (or touches a Resupply locker).
 * Katanas Are Just Better
 * Single-Stroke Battle: A one-hit kill on another player who is also wielding this sword.
 * Shout-Out: To the Japanese TV and Film character Zatoichi, a blind swordsman. So why is this the Half Zatoichi? Because the Demoman is only half-blind.
 * Ullapool Caber: A potato-masher style grenade. A solid hit will set off a massive explosion that deals heavy damage to the Demoman, and enough damage to his target to blow him into pieces. After that, it's a broken grenade that deals 25% less damage.
 * Action Bomb: Unless he's already damaged, the explosion won't kill the Demoman, but he's still basically blowing himself up as an attack.
 * Improbable Use of a Weapon/Violation of Common Sense: It's a grenade. A sober man would throw it. It is the most powerful melee attack in the game, even if you only get one shot.
 * Rocket Jump: By crouching and hitting the ground, one can easily reach the battlements on Degroot Keep. This is also the only way to Rocket Jump in Medieval Mode, where only melee weapons and a select few other items are allowed.
 * Set Bonus: Provides a 10% resistance to fire if equipped in combination with the Loch-And-Load.
 * Persian Persuader: A scimitar. The charge meter recharges twice as fast with this weapon equipped, and all ammo crates will become health crates. It doesn't randomly crit, though.
 * Combos: Although it's a glitch, it's possible to hit an enemy with the Splendid Screen and in the split second left hit again with a critical hit, guaranteeing a one-hit-kill on most classes.
 * Crippling Overspecialization: When the One Thousand and One Demoknights set is used together, the Demoman has no ranged weapons at all, but has a very deadly melee weapon that is capable of killing most classes in one shot. Due to the weapon converting all ammo into health, even if this is the only piece of the set equipped, the Demoman will quickly run out of ammo for any of his ranged weapons unless he returns to the resupply closet, since ammo crates and dispensers no longer resupply ammo.
 * Liquid Assets: Ammo collected becomes health.
 * Sinister Scimitar
 * Nessie's Nine-Iron: A golf club. Has the same stats as the Eyelander.
 * Golf Clubbing
 * Off with His Head: It decapitates like the Eyelander too.
 * Victor Gains Loser's Powers: Head count from a slain Demoman is added to your head count.
 * Scottish Handshake: A rum bottle. Functions like the standard bottle.
 * Grievous Bottley Harm

Item Sets

 * Expert's Ordnance: An explosive-themed kit. Includes the Loch n' Load, the Ullapool Caber, and the Scotch Bonnet. When the weapons are equipped together, the Demoman gains 10% more fire resistance.
 * One Thousand And One Demoknights: An Arabian-themed melee-only set. Includes Ali Babba's Wee Booties, the Splendid Screen, the Persian Persuader, and the Sultan's Ceremonial. No special attributes.
 * Swashbuckler's Swag: A pirate-themed set. Includes the Bootlegger, the Scottish Handshake, the Buccaneer's Bicorne, and A Whiff of the Old Brimstone. No special attributes.
 * The Highland Hound: A werewolf costume. Includes Hair of the Dog, the Scottish Snarl, and the Pickled Paws. Gives a different taunt when the whole set is worn. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.

Hats

 * The Demoman's Fro, a Jimi Hendrix-esque afro; the Glengarry Bonnet, a Scottish bonnet (actually a Balmoral bonnet); the Scotsman's Stove Pipe, a top hat; the Hustler's Hallmark, a pimp hat; the Tippler's Tricorne, a black tricorne; the Carouser's Capotain, a stereotypical Pilgrim hat; the Sober Stuntman, a crash helmet; the Rimmed Raincatcher, a team-colored tricorne; the Scotch Bonnet, a brown EOD helmet with a cracked visor; Prince Tavish's Crown, a king's crown; the Samur-Eye, a kabuto helmet like the one worn by Date Masamune; the Private Eye, a deerstalker cap; the Reggaelator, a Jamacian cornrow wig; the Conjurer's Cowl, a wizard's hood (given to those who purchased the Magicka: Nippon DLC); the Sultan's Ceremonial, a turban; and the Tam O' Shanter, a Scottish bonnet of the same style; the Mask of the Shaman, a Nomad's mask from From Dust; the Buccaneer's Bicorne, a stereotypical pirate hat; The Tavish DeGroot Experience, a Western hat like Jimi Hendrix wore; the Hair of the Dog, a werewolf's mane; and the Bolgan, a horned helmet that covers the Demoman's left eye.

Misc. Items

 * The Dangeresque, Too?, a pair of white shutter shades (obtained by winning them from Strong Bad in Poker Night At the Inventory); A Whiff of the Old Brimstone, four round bombs that replace the Demoman's grenades on his bandolier; the Scottish Snarl, a werewolf mask; the Pickled Paws, a pair of werewolf paws; the Ornament Armament, ornaments which replace the standard grenades; Aladdin's Private Reserve, a stereotypical Arabian oil lamp; Snapped Pupil, a photograph of the Demoman's right eye flipped horizontally, taped over his eyepatch; the Teufort Tooth Kicker, a pair of cowboy boots with metal-capped toes; and the Professor's Pineapple, a beaker-shaped pineapple grenade that replaces the standard grenades.

Primary

 * Minigun or Sasha: Massive rapid-fire medium-range minigun. Has a big ammo supply, but he runs through it fast. Must spin up to fire, during which the already slow-moving Heavy must slow down to a speed of about one foot per second.
 * BFG
 * Gatling Good
 * I Call It Vera: The Heavy's miniguns, Sasha and Natascha, as well as the unused Ludmilla. The Iron Curtain as well. In Poker Night At the Inventory, he refers to it as Sasha, implying it's just extra custom work on the original minigun.
 * Natascha: a darker minigun with a much deeper sound that slows opponents but does less damage and takes more time to spin up.
 * Bang Bang BANG
 * More Dakka: Natascha has a much deeper sound, and does less damage then Sasha, meaning you have to fire more bullets to kill your enemies.
 * Iron Curtain: A partially wooden minigun, won from the Heavy in Poker Night at the Inventory.
 * Brass Beast: A brass minigun. Its damage is increased by 20%, but the preparatory spin-up time increases by 50% and, while deployed, move speed is decreased by 60%.
 * Bling Bling Bang
 * Mighty Glacier: Makes the Heavy an even bigger one, giving him increased damage at the cost of slowing his already snail-like speed when firing.
 * Steampunk: The Brass Beast looks like a man-portable conversion of an Old West-style gatling gun.
 * Tomislav: An oversized, minigun-like Thompson submachine gun. Spins up 40% faster and silently, but fires 20% slower.
 * Nerf: Big time. When it initially came out, it spun 75% faster. Needless to say, the community found the weapon overpowered and Valve responded quickly.
 * Quick Draw

Secondary

 * Shotgun: Similar to the Pyro's, Soldier's, and Engineer's.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Sandvich: A sandwich containing lettuce, tomatoes, Swiss cheese and an indeterminate meat. Eating it completely heals the Heavy and it can dropped to heal his teammates quickly by 50%. Has a 30-second cooldown timer that takes effect if the Heavy does not have full health when eating it.
 * Consulting Mister Puppet: "What's that, Sandvich? 'Kill them all'? Good idea!"
 * Continuity Nod: Scouts who pick up sandviches dropped by a killed enemy Heavy recover 25 more health than anyone else--a reference to the Scout killing the Heavy and eating his sandvich in Meet The Scout.
 * Cowboy Cop: Mocked. After eating a sandvich, the Heavy may say, "You're a loose cannon, Sandvich, but you're a damn good cop!"
 * Satiating Sandwich
 * Nerf: The Sandvich originally would heal the heavy for 150 health if he dropped it and then ate it off the ground. While this wouldn't give a Heavy the full health of stopping and eating it, it was considerably faster and the quick heal would usually be enough health to get you to a medic/medkit/dispenser. Valve nerfed it so that dropping the Sandvich would only heal teammates, and instead give the Heavy an ammo refill.
 * Power-Up Food
 * Dalokohs Bar: A chocolate bar. It cannot be dropped, but when eaten at full health, it gives the Heavy 50 maximum health for 30 seconds. Otherwise, it only heals the Heavy for 60 health. Does not have a cooldown timer.
 * Everything's Better with Chocolate
 * Power-Up Food
 * Sdrawkcab Name: The Dalokohs bar has the Russian word for chocolate spelled backwards.
 * Buffalo Steak Sandvich: A t-bone steak. When eaten, it causes the Heavy to deal and take mini-crits. He also gains a speed boost and is restricted to using his melee weapon.
 * Enemy Eats Your Lunch: Killing a Heavy while he eats will make him drop his food.
 * Equivalent Exchange
 * Satiating Sandwich: Except this is just a steak. But to quote the Flavor Text, "Who needs bread?"
 * Power-Up Food
 * What Could Have Been: It was originally going to be a Peyote Cactus
 * Fishcake: A fried fish cake in a team-colored wrapper. Functions like the Dalokohs Bar.
 * Power-Up Food
 * Shout-Out: To Space Chem.
 * Family Business: A more realistic shotgun. Has 40% more clip size, but does 20% less damage.

Melee

 * Fists: Yes, the Heavy will PUNCH OUT ALL YOUR BLOOD WITH BARE HANDS IF HE NEEDS TO, LEETLE BABY MAN.
 * Finger Gun: The taunt kill. I kid you not.
 * Good Old Fisticuffs: The Heavy's melee style.
 * Invulnerable Knuckles: His punches can leave holes in steel and stone walls. He also provides the page quote for this trope.
 * Killing Gloves of Boxing: Team-colored boxing gloves. Although they swing slower, a successful kill will grant the heavy 5 seconds of critical hits.
 * Critical Hit: 5 seconds of it (never more, unfortunately).
 * Fun with Acronyms: The KGB were the old Soviet Union Secret Police.
 * Red Boxing Gloves: Or blue, if you are on that team.
 * Shout-Out: The taunt references Mr. Sandman (from Punch Out (NES))'s entry animation. Works for all melee weapons except the fists.
 * Gloves of Running Urgently: Team-colored boxing gloves with a flame decal. While you have them out, the GRU boost you to speeds near the standard 300 units per second, but at a cost of 6 HP per total second of wear time. They also deal less damage.
 * Cast From Hit Points
 * Fun with Acronyms: The GRU is Russia's foreign intelligence bureau.
 * Red Boxing Gloves: Or blue, if you are on that team.
 * Fists of Steel: These massive steel fists give you a significant resistance (40%) to ranged attacks, but also make you extremely vulnerable to melee. It also makes the Heavy switch weapons 20% slower.
 * Ascended Meme: The name references the unused (in-game) but popular line "My fists, they are made of steel!" This was later scripted in as a melee kill line.
 * Equivalent Exchange
 * Power Fist
 * Warrior's Spirit: Gloves that give the appearance of bear paws. Damage increased by 30%, but 20 health is taken away.
 * Everything's Worse with Bears: These are a pair of bear paw gloves.
 * Glass Cannon: Very mildly. These gloves give you a damage boost at the cost of lower maximum health.
 * Interface Screw: Accidental- the first-person viewmodel of these gloves is really hard to see past. The item's designer even made an altered model to fix it.
 * Wolverine Claws
 * Eviction Notice: Spiked brass knuckles that make the Heavy deal faster punches for less damage done.
 * Strong Flesh Weak Steel: They're Spiked brass knuckles, yet they do less damage than bare hands.
 * Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs
 * Apoco-Fists: A pair of black boxing gloves. Gibs an enemy upon kill with a critical hit.
 * Holiday Punch: A pair of winter mittens that always crit on attacks from the behind, but instead of doing any damage this causes the victim to go into a laughing fit in place of the damage. Attacking someone else using the item will also cause laughing.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Evil Laugh: The gloves force the victim into using the Schadenfreude taunt.
 * Lethal Joke Item: On paper, a pair of mittens that does no damage and instead makes opponents laugh on a critical hit, and always crits from the back, sounds pretty ridiculous. In execution, it essentially turns the Heavy into a fatter Spy. Who can even stop ÜberCharges with the power of laughter... And the laughing animation lasts longer than Heavy's One-Hit Kill taunt.

Item Sets

 * The Hibernating Bear: a Native American-themed set. Includes the Brass Beast, Buffalo Steak Sandvich, Warrior's Spirit, and the Big Chief. When the weapons are equipped together, the Heavy gains a measly 5% resistance to crits.
 * Black Market Business: A mobster-themed set. Includes the Tomislav, Family Business, Eviction Notice, and Capo's Capper. No special attributes.
 * The FrankenHeavy: A Frankenstein's Monster costume. Includes the Can Opener, the Soviet Stitch-Up, and the Steel-Toed Stompers. Enables a new taunt when worn. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.

Hats

 * The Football Helmet, a team-colored football helmet; the Officer's Ushanka, a Russian ushanka; the Tough Guy's Tuque, a very familiar-looking knit hat; the Hound Dog, a gelled up hair-do with Cool Shades; the Heavy Duty Rag, a do-rag that mildly references his Team Fortress Classic incarnation; the Pugilist's Protector, a boxing mask; the Hard Counter, a small head-worn umbrella; the Cadaver's Cranium, a Frankenstein's Monster-style head; the Dealer's Visor, a teal visor given to those who pre-ordered Poker Night At the Inventory; Coupe D'isaster, an extremely unconvincing black toupee; the Big Chief, a Native American headdress; the Magnificent Mongolian, a traditional Mongolian hat; the Dread Knot, a chonmage (worn by traditional samurai and sumo wrestlers); the Large Luchadore, a Mexican wrestling mask; the Team Captain, a peaked cap styled like M. Bison's hat (shared with the Soldier and Medic); the Capo's Caper, a striped trilby; the Copper's Hard Top, a police motorcycle helmet; the Pilotka, a Soviet garrison cap; the Dragonborn Helmet, a steel helmet with curved dragon horns; the Storm Spirit's Jolly Hat, a team-colored straw hat; the Gym Rat, a headband with brown hair; the One-Man Army, a mullet with bandanna much like John Rambo; the Outdoorsman, a lumberjack's cap; the Can Opener, the Heavy's partially-exposed brain; and the War Head, a helmet with five spikes on the top

Misc. Items

 * Pocket Medic, a Medic doll, Big Steel Jaw of Summer Fun, a huge metal jaw, Security Shades, a pair of black sunglasses; Purity Fist, a cybernetic hand that replaces the Heavy's left arm; the Soviet Stitch-Up, a pair of neck bolts and stitches on the Heavy's arms; the Steel-Toed Stompers, a pair of steel-toed boots with bolts in the ankles; the Cold War Luchador, a different Luchador mask; the Sandvich Safe, a lunchbox; the All-Father, a white beard; and the Toss-Proof Towel, a boxing towel strung over the Heavy's shoulders.

Primary

 * Shotgun: Similar to the Soldier's, Pyro's and Heavy's.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Frontier Justice: An ornate coach gun-styled shotgun with a team-colored capacitor attached to the firing mechanism. Charges up "revenge crits" with every kill that the sentry gun causes (2 for every kill, 1 for every assist) if the sentry is destroyed. However, it can only hold three shells and doesn't crit normally.
 * Instrument of Murder: The guitar smash taunt that goes with the Frontier Justice.
 * Roaring Rampage of Revenge: You only get access to those crits when your sentry is destroyed, either by you or by the enemy.
 * Widowmaker: A boxy-looking shotgun. Damage done is transferred to Metal, but consumes 30 metal per shot. As long as the Engie has metal, he never has to load more shells.
 * Bottomless Magazines: As long as he has metal for the gun.
 * Our Weapons Will Be Boxy in the Future
 * Sighted Guns Are Low Tech: One of the primary differences between the model used in TF 2 from the one used in Deus Ex: Human Revolution is the removal of the weapon's ironsight.
 * Shout-Out: To the weapon of the same name in Deus Ex Human Revolution
 * Pomson 6000: A ray gun that penetrates enemy targets, and on hit, the victim loses 10% Medi Gun charge if he's a Medic, and 20% Cloak if he's a Spy.
 * Bottomless Magazines
 * Mana Burn: Type 1
 * One-Hit Polykill
 * Ray Gun
 * Violation of Common Sense: Due to the weapon's enemy-piercing quality, you get hit more if you try to run directly away from it. This means the best option in a tight corridor is to move towards the crazed man holding a space gun.
 * Zeerust

Secondary

 * Pistol: The standard pistol, just like the Scout's.
 * Firing One-Handed
 * Hyperspace Arsenal: The main difference between the Scout's and Engineer's pistols. While they both have 12 bullet magazines the Scout gets 48 shots total. The Engineer? 212.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Unorthodox Reload: The Engineer's pistol reload consists of him slamming a new magazine into the weapon without ejecting the spent clip.
 * Lugermorph: A cosmetic item that looks like Max's luger. Acts just like the pistol.
 * Shout-Out: To Sam and Max.
 * Wrangler: A simple single button-style joystick mounted on top of a pistol grip and a small radar dish. Allows the Engineer to take direct control of his sentry gun, doubling its rate of fire and allowing it to absorb 66% of all incoming damage.
 * Deflector Shield: Which effectively triples the sentry's HP while it's active.
 * Handy Remote Control
 * Laser Sight: Again, for your sentry; it assists your aim by attempting to stay on targets you mouse over unless you mouse away from them.
 * Rocket Jump: An Engineer can use the Wrangler to have their Level 3 Sentries shoot rockets at his feet to push himself up into normally inaccessible places; the bullets can also be used for a bit of a boost.
 * Shout-Out: It's the Atari Controller rebuilt into a sentry targeting device.
 * Short Circuit: A hand-replacing electric cannon. Fires electric blasts that damage projectiles as well as players, but costs 35 metal to fire and cannot randomly crit.
 * Arm Cannon
 * Bomb Disposal: can destroy enemy Demomen's grenades and sticky bombs.
 * Bottomless Magazines: As long as he has metal for the gun.
 * Chain Lightning
 * Cherry Tapping: It does 5 damage to players.
 * Disintegrator Ray
 * Lightning Gun

Melee

 * Wrench: Specifically, an Uhlman Build-Matic Wrench. A black monkey wrench used to fix machines and crack skulls.
 * Magic Tool: On top of being a lethal close-range weapon, can also hit buildings for:
 * Percussive Maintenance: repairing damage.
 * Ridiculously-Fast Construction: speeding up build times.
 * Evolving Weapon: adding "Upgrade Progress" to higher levels.
 * Unorthodox Reload: refilling Sentry ammo caches.
 * Wrench Whack
 * Golden Wrench: A wrench identical to the standard wrench, only made of solid Australium.
 * Bling Bling Bang
 * Charlie and the Chocolate Parody
 * Lost Forever: Of all TF2 players, only 100 got Golden Wrenches. Jealousy and hate ensued.
 * 1/4th of those 100 had destroyed their Golden Wrenches for reasons such as charity or just for kicks.
 * Taken for Granite: Anybody killed with a Golden Wrench turns into a golden statue.
 * Wrench Whack
 * Southern Hospitality: A modified wrench with a spiked knuckle grip and other assorted pointy bits. Opponents hit by it bleed, but it also causes the Engineer to take extra fire damage.
 * Spikes of Villainy
 * Overdrawn At the Blood Bank / Standard Status Effects: Inflicts "bleed" status.
 * Wrench Whack
 * Gunslinger: A robotic fist that replaces the Engineer's right hand. It grants the Engineer 25 extra health, and the ability to place mini-sentries.
 * Artificial Limbs
 * Combos: Has a three-punch combo- the third hit in a row will always crit, and usually result in death.
 * Fashionable Asymmetry: Much like the one glove it replaces.
 * Power Fist
 * Jag: A nasty-looking wrench with a curved prong on the head. Speeds up build times by 30%, but deals 20% less damage.
 * Ridiculously Faster Construction: The build time only gets faster when applied to structures.
 * Wrench Whack
 * Eureka Effect: A team color-handled wrench with a Tesla coil attached that also allows the Engineer to teleport to the spawn room. On the downside, the teleportation replaces the building carry function.
 * Transporters and Teleporters
 * Wrench Whack

PDA

 * Buildings: With a small remote control known as the Build Tool, the engineer can create sentries, dispensers, and teleporters for the team. He can also detonate them using the Destroy Tool. All buildings are unaffected by critical hits.
 * Context Sensitive Button: The destruction tool only has one button, but can detonate any of up to four different buildings.
 * Damage Is Fire: Buildings smoke and spark if damaged.
 * Explosive Instrumentation: Since the Engineer is equipped with a detonator remote, it's safe to assume the buildings are fitted with C4 (or some equivalent thereof).
 * Ridiculously-Fast Construction: The Dispenser and Teleporter build in 20 seconds, the Sentry in half that, and each of those times is halved for each Engineer hitting it with a wrench.
 * The mini-sentries from the Gunslinger, the Engineer's unlockable melee weapon, build in a quarter of the normal time- 2.5 seconds.
 * Upgrades, especially with more than one Engineer working on it, although only the sentry really changes noticeably when upgraded.
 * With the Engineer Update, buildings can be relocated by the engineer who built them. Doing so rebuilds them even faster, despite using the same animation.
 * With the Jag equipped even a normal sentry will spring up in seconds. Just watch how fast a upgraded sentry comes up when you've relocated it and started whacking with the Jag.
 * Sentry Gun: A turret in team colors that shoots very fast at any enemy it can see. With the Engineer's wrench, it can be upgraded to shoot even faster, then have the ability to shoot rockets.
 * Beeping Computers: Depending on the level, the sentry will beep once, twice, or thrice.
 * Evolving Weapon: After receiving 200 metal, the sentry will "level up" to a double-barreled minigun, and again to add a 4-rocket rocket launcher.
 * More Dakka: The effect of each level up.
 * Gatling Good: The level 2 and 3 Sentries feature twin Miniguns.
 * Macross Missile Massacre: Level 3 Sentries can fire up to 20 volleys of guided missiles, each volley launching four missiles at once. Get several level 3 Sentries in one place and utter missile carnage is sure to ensue.
 * Combat Mini-Sentry: Created only with the gunslinger equipped, it's basically a much smaller team-colored sentry with a siren on top.
 * Cute Machines: "Ain't that a cute little gun."
 * Weak Turret Gun: It can't be upgraded, or repaired and it does half the damage of a regular sentry. On the flip side, it completes in 2.5 seconds and starts with full health. It's also cheaper to build.
 * Dispenser: A building that gives out ammunition, health, and metal (for Engineers) as long as the ally stands near it. Upgrading it will heal faster and give more ammo/metal.
 * Auto Doc: It will heal nearby teammates and provide ammo for them.
 * Infinite Supplies: It never runs out of ammunition and health, and it only takes a few seconds to generate metal.
 * Teleporter Entrance and Exit: Two buildings that create a quick shortcut for all allies. One simply stands on the entrance and when it's fully charged, it teleports him or her to where the exit is built. Upgrading it decreases the charge time.
 * Tele Frag: Can occur when any stands on the exit while somebody uses it.
 * Trail of Bread Crumbs: Exiting a teleporter will cause the player to leave a trail of glowing particles for 18 seconds. The enemy team might use this as a clue to identifying the teleporter's location.

Item Sets

 * The Brundle Bundle: A grotesque fly mutation-costume-thing. Makes the Engineer speak at a much higher pitch (roughly 145%) when the whole set is worn. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.
 * The Brainiac Pack: A set that makes the Engineer look like a Mad Scientist. Includes the Pomson 6000, Eureka Effect, Brainiac Goggles, and Maths-Enhancing Hair-Do.

Hats

 * The Mining Light, the default hardhat with a mining light attached; the Engineer's Cap, a train engineer's hat; the Texas Ten-Gallon, a white ten-gallon cowboy hat; Texas Slim's Dome Shine, the Engineer's bald head; the Hotrod, a slightly lifted welding mask; the Safe 'n' Sound, a pair of ear protectors; the Buckaroo's Hat, a Spanish cowboy hat; the Industrial Festivizer, a string of Christmas lights around the Engineer's hard hat; the Big Country, a blond mullet; the Professor's Peculiarity, a stereotypical professor's hair and glasses; the Hetman's Headpiece, a cossack hat with 3 team-colored feathers; the Western Wear, a tophat with a bullet belt attached; the Old Geezer, an old brown cowboy hat; and Clockwerk's Helm, Rattletrap's helmet; the Pencil Pusher, grey, thinning hair with a pencil tucked behind the ear; the Virtual Reality Headset, a headset made of parts from the Gunslinger and a level 1 sentry gun; the Buzz Killer, a fly's head; and the Braniac Hairpiece, white hair, mutton chops, and mustache.

Misc. Items

 * Teddy Roosebelt, a teddy bear with hard hat, glasses, and team-colored apron, snuggled inside the Engineer's pouch; the Googly Gazer, a mechanical eye; the Prairie Heel Biters, spurs for the Engineer's boots; the Pip-Boy, the gadget of the same name that changes the appearance of the blueprint HUD; the Wingstick, a makeshift boomerang-like propeller; the Builder's Blueprints, a set of blueprints in the Engineer's pouch; the Frontier Flyboy, a pair of fly wings; the Legend of Bugfoot, a pair of fly's feet; the Itsy Bitsy Spyer, a Spy voodoo doll that goes inside the Engineer's belt pocket; the Brainiac Goggles, black goggles with green lenses and a Tesla coil attached to the left eyepiece; the Stocking Stuffer, a stocking with items attached to the Engineer's belt; the Teufort Tooth Kicker, a pair of cowboy boots with metal-capped toes; and the Texas Half-Pants, a pair of leather chaps with hex-nuts on the sides.

Primary

 * Syringe Gun: A gun that shoots 40 syringes in 4 seconds.
 * Flechette Storm
 * Glove Snap: The Medic's taunt when he holds this.
 * Nail'Em: It's effectively a nailgun, and about as accurate as that implies.
 * Playing with Syringes
 * Blutsauger: A syringe gun that where each needle that hits an enemy heals the Medic for 3 health. However, the Medic's healing rate lowers by 2 HP.
 * Gratuitous German: "Blutsauger" means "bloodsucker" or "vampire".
 * Life Drain
 * Crusader's Crossbow: A medieval-themed crossbow that shots bolts that heal allies or hurt enemies. How much damage is done or health it gives depends on how far the target is.
 * Healing Shiv: Its bolts heal allies on impact.
 * Long-Range Fighter: Although the Medic's other projectile weapons can be used at longer ranges than usual, the Crossbow is explicitly designed to be better at long range combat, and performs very poorly in close-quarters.
 * No Arc in Archery: Averted. The bolts behave like fully-charged Huntsman arrows, but cannot inflict headshots.
 * Prop Recycling: Although the description says the crossbow fires bolts and the Medic appears to insert a bolt when reloading, it fires arrows instead, the same ones used for the Huntsman. This is probably the reason the arrows seem to fire from the wrong place in first- and third-person view.
 * Selectively-Lethal Weapon
 * Overdose: The Medic's prototype syringe gun. Having this weapon out gives the Medic a speed boost (up to 10%) relative to his ÜberCharge percentage. However, it deals 10% less damage.
 * MacGyvering: It looks very cobbled together.
 * Status Buff

Secondary

 * Medi Gun: The Medic's choice for healing allies, it's a backpack-mounted machine with a modified fire hose and bottom handle. Shoots a team-colored beam that heals whoever is targeted. Can buff a target's health with an extra 50%, but this extra dissipates over time if the beam cuts off. Has an ÜberCharge meter built by healing; when it's full, the Medic can unleash a powerful buff on himself and his patient, granting six seconds of complete invulnerability.
 * Ammunition Backpack
 * Awesome Yet Practical: Some players base their entire strategies around the complete invulnerability of the ÜberCharge. It's probably the only way to get past a Sentry-infested choke-point.
 * Fantastic Drug: If the Kritzkrieg taunt is anything to go by, this is what the Medigun uses to heal people.
 * Healing Shiv: Technically, it could also make them invulnerable for ten seconds.
 * Mundane Utility: Mediguns can repair damaged clothes.
 * The Healing Aspect of the Medi Gun was, according to the original fluff, the completely unintended side effects of whatever the Medic was building at the time. The entire gun is, indeed, a mundane utility since either what it was originally intended to do was similar enough to healing, or that its healing ability proved to be more useful than whatever it was meant to do.
 * Kritzkrieg: Another backpack-mounted medigun that builds über 25% faster. When it's fully charged, it grants the patient six seconds of critical hits.
 * Fantastic Drug: Taunting with the Kritzkrieg equipped makes the Medic put his face to the barrel of the Kritzkrieg and take a deep breath, while saying, "Ha ha, Oktoberfest!" The taunt heals him for 11 health.
 * Gratuitous German: as a reference to the "Blitzkrieg" tactic. Krieg could also stand for "receive", see above.
 * Meaningful Name
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Quick-Fix: The Medic's original medigun. It heals 40% faster and builds über 25% faster, and can speed up to match a faster patient's speed, but it cannot overheal patients. When it's fully charged, the gun heals 300% faster, healing the Medic as well as his patient, and grants immunity to slowdown and stun effects.
 * MacGyvering: It appears to be hastily cobbled together from a fire hose, a coffee pot, and malfunctioning medical equipment.

Melee

 * Bonesaw: A medical saw with rather sharp teeth.
 * Instrumental Weapon: The Medic plays the Bonesaw like a violin in his taunt.
 * Serrated Blade of Pain
 * Übersaw: A darker and bloody saw that swings 20% slower, but grants 25% Über on each hit. A successful tauntkill grants 100% über (only 50% when an über is deployed).
 * Meaningful Name: It is used to charge up an ÜberCharge.
 * Vita-Saw: A saw with a needle-like end. For a loss of 10 maximum health, the Vita-Saw will preserve up to 20% of the über if the Medic dies.
 * Shout-Out: It looks very similar to the syringes the Little Sisters carry from Bioshock. So much so that Valve had to get permission from Bioshock's developers to use it in the game.
 * Its name is also similar to the Vita Chambers, which is where you respawn in Bioshock. Appropriately, it preserves up to 20% of the ÜberCharge Meter that would otherwise be lost upon respawn.
 * Amputator: A massive, angular saw. A taunt with it heals all nearby teammates.
 * Awesome Yet Practical: This weapon is a direct upgrade from the normal bonesaw.
 * Healing Shiv
 * Magic Music: It still plays the violin-like tune, but now it heals!
 * Serrated Blade of Pain
 * Solemn Vow: A bust of Hippocrates which allows you to see enemy health.
 * Death by Irony: See below.
 * Improvised Weapon
 * Hippocritical Humor: So much for "do no harm" when you're beating people to death with Hippocrates!
 * Joke Item: It's a marble statue.
 * Stat-O-Vision

Item Sets

 * Medieval Medic: A set designed for medieval warfare (and healing). Includes the Crusader's Crossbow and the Amputator. When the weapons are equipped together, the Medic's self-healing rate goes up by 1.
 * The Clinical Trial: The Medic's prototype weapons (and a statue). Includes the Overdose, Quick-Fix, and Solemn Vow. No special attributes.
 * Mad Doktor: A Mad Scientist's costume. Includes the Einstein, the Dr. Gogglestache, and the Emerald Jarate. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.
 * Eliminating the Impossible: Makes the Medic resemble Sherlock Holmes. Includes the Private Eye and Nine-Pipe Problem. No special attributes, though the flavor text says, "Reduces mystery solving time by up to 88%".

Hats

 * The Prussian Picklehaube, the Vintage Tyrolean, a felt hat with a feather and crest on the left side; the Otolaryngologist's Mirror; Ze Goggles, which do nothing; the Gentleman's Gatsby, a golfer's hat; the Berliner's Bucket Helm, a Crusader's helmet; the German Gonzila, another Tyrolean; the Geisha Boy, a traditional geisha's haircut; the Grimm Hatte, a plague doctor's hat; Private Eye, a deerstalker cap; Medic's Mountain Cap, a WWII era German field cap; the Doctor's Sack, an ice pack; Team Captain, a peaked cap styled like M. Bison's hat (shared with the Soldier and Heavy); the Planeswalker Helm, Garruk's tusked helmet; the Surgeon's Stahlhelm, a white World War-era German medic's helmet; and the Einstein, a familiar white hairstyle.

Misc. Items

 * Physician's Procedure Mask, a white surgery mask with the Medic symbol and a possible Mythology Gag referencing his Team Fortress Classic incarnation; the Blighted Beak, a plague doctor's mask; the Couvre Corner, a team-colored handkercheif tucked into the Medic's pocket; the Surgeon's Stethoscope; the Dr. Gogglestache, a pair of glowing goggles and mustache; the Emerald Jarate, the Medic's backpack with vials of glowing green liquid attached; Dr. Whoa, a bow tie; Nine-Pipe Problem, a smoking pipe and dark glasses; Scrap Pack, a deactivated Chopper-Bot; the Quadwrangler, a device on the Medic's hand with a tube attaching to his arm and a larger collar; and the Surgeon's Side Satchel, a grey leather equipment satchel with a clipboard attached to it.

Primary

 * Sniper Rifle: Has a zooming scope, a Laser Sight of his team's color, and takes a few seconds zoomed-in to build to full charge, after which it's a One-Hit Kill to most classes, guaranteed with headshots. While zoomed in, the sniper walks carefully and slowly.
 * Boom! Headshot!: Any fully-charged hit headshot is a One-Hit Kill to any class under most conditions.
 * Charged Attack: Shots only do a small amount of damage until the Sniper has been scoped in for a certain amount of time.
 * Charge Meter: The scope has a charge meter to the side with a 100% for when it is fully charged.
 * Crosshair Aware: The scope also has a Laser Sight (of the Sniper's team color) which grows as its power charges.
 * Do Not Run with a Gun: Applies to all primaries while charged.
 * No Scope: Although there is an achievement for getting five kills this way, it's generally discouraged: you have to zoom in to deal headshots, and fully-powered shots require charging, meaning you can't just run up to people and snipe them.
 * Sniper Rifle: Again, duh.
 * Unorthodox Reload: Around 1:10 in Meet the Sniper, you can see him eject the empty cartridge, slide the next round out of his pocket, start spinning it around behind his fingers, then chamber it as it spins back around his finger all in one fluid motion. In-game, it looks like he only ejects the cartridge.
 * The video suggests he's reloading as he ejects the cartridge.
 * Huntsman: A bow-and-arrow set for the Sniper. It fires faster, doesn't zoom in, and lets you keep your peripheral vision while charging your shots.
 * Annoying Arrows: If the arrow isn't fully charged (or if the opponent has a lot of health or is invincible at that point), there's a likely chance that shooting them with an arrow will be non-fatal. In that situation, the arrows will remain sticking out of their model for quite some time without any ill effects. Even if the arrow is stuck in the targets head.
 * Inverted when the bow is fully charged, as the arrow's base damage is greater than any other projectile but the Loch-n-Load and Direct Hit.
 * Arrows on Fire: Snipers' arrows can be ignited. Hitting an opponent with it will ignite them.
 * Hitbox Dissonance: Due to arrows using projectile hitboxes, they have a tendency to headshot a distance from the enemy's head.
 * Meaningful Name: The Huntsman hunts men. It also shares the name of a large Australian spider.
 * No Arc in Archery: Averted.
 * The Straight and Arrow Path
 * Sydney Sleeper: A scoped dart rifle. Headshots are no longer critical hits, but a successful hit applies Jarate to the target for 8 seconds. It also charges about 0.5 seconds faster than the standard rifle.
 * Abnormal Ammo: Due to the *ahem* effects, one can only assume that the Sniper is shooting Piss Darts...
 * Boom! Headshot!: This rifle can't inflict headshots, in exchange for the following:
 * Instant Sedation: At the moment the dart connects the whole body of the victim is Jarated.
 * Considering Jarate operates on Death by Despair, this could be justified (it's being injected straight into the target's bloodstream, after all).
 * Poisoned Weapons: Well, Jarated darts, presumably.
 * Bazaar Bargain: A modified jezail. By default, it charges 20% slower. A successful headshot decreases the charge time by 10%, but this bonus time is reduced by bodyshots and missed shots.
 * Combos: Every headshot decreases the time required to charge the rifle.
 * Machina: A futuristic sniper rifle. Does 15% more damage and can penetrate enemies (though not buildings) when fully charged, but fires a visible shot and can only fire when scoped.
 * Art Shift: Notably different in style compared to the game's usual '50s/'60s art style, as it resembles the sniper rifle in Deus Ex Human Revolution.
 * Easter Egg: Killing 2 enemies with one bullet will play a special fanfare, which sounds like something out of Inception.
 * Sensory Abuse: Said fanfare stacks for every additional enemy killed, however, which can result in a ridiculously loud, ear drum-bursting note.
 * Every Bullet Is a Tracer
 * One-Hit Polykill
 * Shout-Out: To the Sniper Rifle of Deus Ex Human Revolution.

Secondary

 * SMG: Shoots a barrage of 25 bullets to anybody at close range.
 * Standard FPS Guns
 * Razorback: An Aboriginal-style wooden shield... with a car battery taped to it. It blocks one backstab, after which it gets destroyed. A new one can be obtained by a supply closet.
 * Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: Worn on the back, it protects against a single backstab.
 * Shields Are Useless: The reason there's a car battery taped to it was because supposedly the native tribes who used it thought it alone could protect them from stabs. Small wonder why they're gone.
 * Jarate: The jar-based karate involving a jar of pure urine. When thrown on an enemy, all damage dealt to them become mini-crits. Can put out fires and shorten out cloaking devices.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Death by Despair: Its effects are Handwaved as being caused by the victim "losing the will to live" and thus taking more damage from weapons.
 * Jar Potty
 * Martial Arts and Crafts
 * Running Gag: Jarate is not affiliated with, nor a substitute for Karate.
 * Soft Glass: The jar always shatters instantly on contact with any object or player, but the jar itself never does any damage.
 * Urine Trouble
 * Darwin's Danger Shield: A shield made from crocodile hide. Gives the Sniper 25 more maximum health.
 * Shields Are Useless: Unlike the Razorback, this does not protect against backstabs.
 * Cozy Camper: Backpack with a toy koala bear, jarate, and pot hanging from it. When equipped, taking damage from attacks besides explosive will not jerk the Sniper's aiming reticule up when scoped or drawing the Huntsman and knockback is reduced by 1/5, but speed when scoped or using the Huntsman is lowered by 90%.
 * Awesome Backpack
 * Critical Encumbrance Failure: Justified in that the extra weight helping keep the Sniper's aim straight is the item's main feature, but played straight with the scoped speed penalty.
 * Do Not Run with a Gun: Even moreso than by default.

Melee

 * Kukri: A large, forward-curved Nepalese chopping blade.
 * Kukris Are Kool
 * Tribalman's Shiv: A wooden kukri with six tiny curves on one side. Deals half the damage of the regular kukri, but causes whoever's hit to bleed out, taking damage over time.
 * Combos: All damage taken from bleeding can also be enhanced by mini-crits, making this a good weapon to use in conjuction with Jarate.
 * Overdrawn At the Blood Bank
 * Standard Status Effects: "Bleed" is essentially "Poison"
 * Wooden Kukris Are Even Better
 * Bushwacka: A Crocodile Dundee-like knife. It does critical hits when ever it would normally mini-crit, but it makes the Sniper 20% more vunerable to fire damage.
 * Combos: Full critical hits instead of mini-crits, you say? Break out that Jarate.
 * Shout-Out: The original Flavor Text for this knife referenced Crocodile Dundee.
 * Shahanshah: An Arabian saber. It has a 25% decrease in damage if the player's HP is above 50%, but a 25% increase in damage if HP is below 50%.
 * Desperation Attack
 * Situational Sword
 * Sinister Scimitar

Item Sets

 * The Croco-Style Kit: A crocodilian item set. Includes the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield, Bushwacka, and Ol' Snaggletooth. When the whole set is used together, the Sniper cannot be insta-killed by headshots.
 * Lawrence of Australia: An Arabian-themed set. Includes the Bazaar Bargain, Shahanshah, and Desert Marauder. No special attributes.
 * The Camper Van Helsing: A vampire hunter costume. Includes the Holy Hunter, Silver Bullets, and the Garlic Flank Stake. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.
 * The Dual-Purpose Fruit: A set perfect for imitating William Tell's famous shot. Includes the Huntsman and Fruit Shoot. No special attributes, although the flavor text says, "Reduces the chance of hunger by 113%."

Hats

 * The Trophy Belt, the default hat with a ring of croc teeth around it on a band; Master's Yellow Belt, a yellow headband; the Professional's Panama, a straw hat with a brown band; Ritzy Rick's Hair Fixative, the Sniper without a hat; the Shooter's Sola Topi, a typical British pith helmet; the Bloke's Bucket Hat, a fishing hat (which, in combination with his signature aviator glasses, increases his resemblance to Hunter S. Thompson); Ol' Snaggletooth, a crocodile's head worn as a hat; the Larrikin Robin, a Robin Hood-style hat; the Crocleather Slouch, a hat with a crocodile leather ring; the Desert Marauder, a white Keffiyeh; the Anger, a team-colored hood with a brown veil; Your Worst Nightmare, John Rambo's mullet and headband; the Swagman's Swatter, a cork hat; the Holy Hunter, a bloodstained slouch hat with a cross and four silver bullets attached; the Bushman's Boonie a boonie hat; the Fruit Shoot, an apple with an arrow through it; and the Flamingo Boy, a cowboy hat with a half-heart, half-skull symbol.

Misc. Items

 * The Villain's Veil, a bandit mask; Sniper's Snipin' Glass, a pair of goggles; the Crocodile Smile, a crocodile-tooth necklace; the Silver Bullets, a large collar and two bloodstained stakes attached to the Sniper's chest; the Garlic Flank Stake, garlic and a stake attached to the Sniper's legs; the Itsy Bitsy Spyer, a Spy voodoo doll that sits in the Sniper's ammo pouch; the Outback Intellectual, an Argyle sweater vest and pipe; the Teufort Tooth Kicker, a pair of cowboy boots with metal-capped toes; and the Doublecross-Comm, a bandana worn over the mouth and a monocle.

Primary

 * Revolver: Slow, good range, fast reload. Third-most accurate distance weapon, after the sniper rifle and rocket launcher.
 * Firing One-Handed: How the Spy holds his revolver.
 * Revolvers Are Just Better: The Spy's primary weapon is one of two .357 revolvers, which are far more powerful than the Scout/Engineer's handguns.
 * Ambassador: A comically large revolver that crits on accurate headshots, but loses this ability until it regains perfect accuracy a short time after it can fire again. It also has a 15% damage and 20% firing speed penalty.
 * Bling Bling Bang: The Ambassador has a rosewood grip and a golden trigger, and its oversized barrel is decorated with an engraving of the enemy Scout's mother in a seductive pose.
 * Boom! Headshot!
 * Double Tap: Two headshots kill any class from full starting health but the Heavy. One headshot and a bodyshot will also take down light classes except at extreme ranges.
 * Hand Cannon: "Put two wheels on this thing and it's a cannon."
 * Sniper Pistol: The Ambassador is explicitly described as a mix of this and Hand Cannon.
 * There Are Two Kinds of People in the World: "...the sort with blood pouring out of a hole in their heads, and the sort holding the Ambassador."
 * Your Mom: The Ambassador's barrel's engraving (please send photo).
 * Big Kill: A cosmetic weapon to promote Sam & Max. Acts just like the revolver.
 * Shout-Out: This is Sam's gun.
 * L'Etranger: An ivory revolver. Damage is reduced by 20%, but shooting it at an enemy will give the Spy a 15 cloaking charge.
 * Shout-Out: To The Stranger.
 * Enforcer: A snub-nosed revolver. Does 20% more damage while undisguised, but has a 20% firing speed penalty and no random critical hits.
 * Nerf: The downside used to instead be a half second cloaking delay. It's debatable if this is better or worse than it is now overall, but it's a straight nerf with respect to using the Enforcer with the Dead Ringer as the old downside had no effect on the Dead Ringer's cloaking.
 * Diamondback: A futuristic revolver. Gains a crit for every building destroyed by a sapper (whether it's destruction or an assist), but does 15% less damage and can't randomly crit.
 * Art Shift: Notably different compared to the game's usual '50s/'60s art style, since it resembles the Diamondback in Deus Ex Human Revolution.
 * Bang Bang BANG: Definitely the loudest out of all the revolvers.
 * Fan Nickname: Some people like to call the Diamondback the "reverse Frontier Justice" or the "ecitsuJ reitnorF" due to how it works. Frontier Justice: Engineer's Sentry is destroyed, Engineer gets a free critical shots for kills by the Sentry. Diamondback: Spy destroys Engineer's Sentry, Spy gets a free critical shot.
 * Shout-Out: To the weapon of the same name from Deus Ex Human Revolution.

Secondary

 * Sapper: A small radio-looking box with dials, switches, and two clamps. Placed on an Engineer's building, it makes it short out, stop working, and eventually self-destruct unless a nearby and alert Engineer destroys it with his wrench. Using it, unlike a weapon, won't blow your cover.
 * Hyperspace Arsenal: You have a bottomless supply of Sappers and can place them as fast as you can hit the fire key.
 * Shoe Phone

Melee

 * Knife: A butterfly knife. Stabs in the back are an instant kill.
 * Back Stab: All of the Spy's knives have this function.
 * Knife Nut: The Spy's melee weapons are knives.
 * One-Hit Kill: Upon a successful backstab.
 * Reverse Grip: The Spy's grip on his knife changes to this when doing a Back Stab.
 * Your Eternal Reward: An Arabian dagger. The Spy can't disguise himself while holding it, but a successful backstab causes him to take over the victim's identity immediately. The kill is completely silent and the corpse will be swiftly cloaked to leave no trace of it.
 * Combos: Step one, kill someone for a disguise. Step two, stab all Engineers in the area (sentries won't have time to react before you're already disguised again). Step three, sap all buildings in the area.
 * Dead Person Impersonation
 * Interface Screw: Immediately removes the victim's corpse with cloaking to add to the confusion.
 * Kill and Replace: Also prevents the enemy killed from emitting a death scream.
 * Shout-Out: To Aladdin.
 * Conniver's Kunai: A backstab with it will heal the Spy for the amount of health the target had and can overheal to 180 hp, but it starts the Spy out with a measly 60 health.
 * Life Drain: Backstabbing an enemy with this knife adds temporarily adds their max health to the Spy's...
 * Glass Cannon: But merely having it equipped decreases his own max health to a mere 60.
 * Ninja: Turns the Spy into one by association.
 * Big Earner: A stiletto dagger with tape wrapped around it. A kill refills 30% cloak, but equipping the weapon reduces the Spy's max health by 25.
 * Wanga Prick: A voodoo pin. Functions like Your Eternal Reward.
 * Sharp Dresser: A blade that clips to the Spy's sleeve, like the ones Altair or Ezio use. Functions like the knife but without a taunt-kill.
 * Blade Below the Shoulder
 * Visual Pun: With this, the Spy is literally sharply dressed.
 * Spy-cicle, an icicle that turns whoever's backstabbed by it into ice, silently dispatching them. If you're hit with fire, it will render you immune to direct fire for two seconds, and then melt, returning after a 15 second cooldown. Has the revolver taunt instead of the kill-taunt.
 * A Worldwide Punomenon
 * Instant Ice, Just Add Cold
 * Nerf: When the weapon was first released, upon melting in fire it rendered the spy completely immune to fire. Now it only affects direct fire; afterburn is still applied.
 * Taken for Granite
 * Black Rose,: a serrated knife that comes in two styles. Functions like the stock knife.
 * Shout-Out: Players received the Black Rose from unlocking an achievement in Alliance of Valiant Arms.

PDA

 * Invisibility Watch: An ordinary grey watch that makes the wearer invisible. The cloak takes 2 seconds to make the player completely invisible, lasts for ten seconds on a full charge, and takes approximately 2 seconds to become visible again. The Spy cannot attack while cloaked and it can be disrupted by bumping into the enemy, getting hurt, becoming drenched, or being set on fire. It can be recharged when not in use or when picking up ammo.
 * Gadget Watch / Invisibility Cloak: The Spy's watch(es).
 * Shoe Phone
 * Dead Ringer: A golden pocket watch that only cloaks when the Spy wields it and gets damaged. 90% of all damage is negated and the watch leaves a fake body behind while cloaking the real Spy. The cloak time is 4.5 seconds shorter than the regular Invisibility Watch but it recharges faster. It can only be used on a full charge and it produces a very loud decloak noise.
 * Decoy Getaway
 * Deflector Shield: It can't be seen, but it prevents you from taking 90% of damage while it is active.
 * Faking the Dead: But only while it's pulled out.
 * Faux Death
 * Cloak and Dagger: A third, yellow invisibility watch with leather straps that recharges faster than it drains when the spy isn't moving, allowing him to stay invisible forever (theoretically). It doesn't recharge when ammo is picked up.
 * Enthusiast's Timepiece: A golden watch with an image of Pac-Man eating a dot on it. Won from Tycho in Poker Night at the Inventory.
 * Disguise Kit: A cigarette case that's really a holographic tool for the Spy to impersonate any other class, for either team. Good for infiltration and confusing the enemy. If the Spy attacks, the disguise is immediately unmasked. Spies can still get hurt while disguised, and fire, being drenched, or bleeding caused by the enemy team will reveal his true identity.
 * Ascended Meme: There is a one in ten chance that taunting with the Disguise Kit will cause the Spy to imitate a crab. This is in response to how the Spy walks like a crab when he crouches and looks upward while holding the case.
 * Latex Perfection: Appears just like any class the Spy chooses to the enemy team...
 * Paper-Thin Disguise: But to the Spy's allies, they only see him wearing a paper mask with the face of whoever he's disguised as.
 * Shoe Phone
 * Trope 2000: The inside of the case above the screen reads "Spytron 3000".

Item Sets

 * The Saharan Spy, a North African-themed set. Includes the L'Etranger, Your Eternal Reward, and the Familiar Fez. When the whole set is used together, the decloaking sound is reduced to nearly nothing, but the Spy flickers for half a second longer when touched during cloaking.
 * The Man of Honor: A Mafia-themed set. Includes the Enforcer, Big Earner, Cosa Nostra Cap, and Made Man.
 * The Invisible Rogue: A costume themed on The Invisible Man. Includes the Under Cover, Griffin's Gog, and the Intangible Ascot. Only wearable during Full Moon periods or the Halloween Event.

Hats

 * The Fancy Fedora, a trilby; the Backbiter's Billycock, a bowler hat; the Magistrate's Mullet, a white judicial wig; the Frenchman's Beret, a stereotypical French/artist's beret; the Familiar Fez, a fez/sunglasses combo; the Detective Noir, a 1930's detective fedora; Noh Mercy, a Japanese Oni mask; the Private Eye, a deerstalker cap; the Charmer's Chapeau, a black cavalier hat with a team-colored trim and feather (claimed to really be a chapeau in disguise); the Janissary Ketche (good luck with pronouncing the second word), an Ottoman Janissary hat; the Cosa Nostra Cap, a mafioso hat; the Nanobalaclava, a futuristic piece of head armor that fits over the normal balaclava; the Counterfeit Billycock, a top hat with a disguise mask of a billycock attached; the L'Inspecteur, a Gendarme's Kepi hat; the Under Cover, a wide-brimmed hat and bandages that cover the Spy's head, and the Dashin' Hashshashin, a gray hood and team-colored scarf.

Misc. Items

 * The Camera Beard, a fake beard with an obvious camera in it; Le Party Phantom, a masquerade mask; Made Man, a lapel rose; the Rogue's Col Roule, a turtleneck worn underneath the suit; the Spectre's Spectacles, a pair of spectacles; the Griffin's Gog, a pair of goggles; the Intangible Ascot, a muffler that replaces the collar and tie, wraps around the Spy's mouth, and replaces the cigarette with a pipe; Dr. Whoa, a bow tie; the Sneaky Spats of Sneaking, a pair of brown spats; and the Doublecross-Comm, a bandana worn over the mouth and a monocle.