Black Books/Awesome

"Bernard: You look different. Have they put you on steroids?
 * Manny spends most of the series being the Butt Monkey to the other characters. Then, after a particularly cruel period of torment from Bernard, he takes some therapy to sort out some of his issues - and the resulting Manny is so assertive he manages to reduce the bullying, arrogant Bernard into an insecure, hysterical wreck over the course of a short conversation:

Manny: [Calm but withering] What are you talking about, you silly little man?

Bernard: [Indignant] Now look here - !

Manny: Haven't you got some work you should be doing or something? And isn't it about time you had a really good scrub?

Bernard: [Hurt] It isn't my fault I look like this, you haven't washed my things -

Manny: [Patronising] Ah - we can't blame others for our own appearance, can we?

Bernard: [Flustered] Well, no, but, no...

Manny: I suggest you wash your own socks if you can chisel them out of your shoes. I'm going for a nap. I don't want to be disturbed.

Bernard: [Hysterical and shrieking, obviously upset] How dare you speak this way to me?! My own son!!! [Realizes what he's just said]

Manny: What did you say?!

Bernard: Nothing. Nothing."

"Bernard: (Hoarsely) How dare you? Don't you touch a hair on that boy's head! Have you no respect? He's mine! Get your own human play-thing... you quartz-brained little cream puff!
 * Bernard's half-crazed and sadly ineffective defence of Manny- whilst under the influence of coffee and oven cleaner:

(He swings a fist at Evan, misses, and crashes to the floor."

"Manny: Uh, what sort of thing would you like?
 * And his welcome return to his usual, foul-tempered self:

(Without warning, Bernard violently shoves Manny through the curtains)

Bernard: DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, JUST DO IT!!! And clean this place up, it's a disgrace!

(Behind the curtains, Manny smiles contentedly)

Bernard: And boil the bath out! And polish the stair rods! Delouse the duvet! And tumble-dry our doilies! And hoover the roof! And whistle down the chimneys!"

"Dear Mr Chussington-Howe-Foxworthy, thank you for returning my manuscript and your enclosed nasty nimminy-pimminy note. I am afraid your letter is most unsuitable for me at the present time, as I've just spent the entire weekend writing the novel that you have summarily rejected. I can only presume it is company policy to reject all manuscripts not submitted in ten-foot-high braille, and yes, I am aware it is traditionally bad form to respond to any kind of criticism or rejection, but in this, as with all else, I am an innovator, therefore I may freely address you as... PISS MIDGET. Still, there's time for you to change your views, and I think you will when we meet, and meet we most assuredly will: when I suck out your eyes and use them as stoppers for my ears to muffle the screams you will make as I headbutt you into a fine paste I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden violent death. Yours faithfully, Bernard Black."
 * This becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when you realize the same actors would go on to play almost complete opposites of their characters (well, Dylan Moran's David was still a git) in Shaun of the Dead.
 * And, being a struggling author, Bernard has a crowning moment in a DVD short in which he replies to a rejection letter from the publishers:

"Bernard: What were you thinking, what was going through your brain when you thought 'Oh yeah, I'll have a wicker toilet?"
 * Subversion or straight I'll let you decide...


 * Any moment in the episode "Blood" when Manny or Bernard take on the invisible creatures: special mention must go to Bernard noticing one of them, despite them being invisible, on the other side of the shop, casually putting his foot up on his desk, drawing a knife from his shoe and hurling it.