Eighth Doctor Adventures/Funny

"Poodle: You said this was a time ship?
 * Mad Dogs and Englishmen, which feature a planet of poodle revolutionaries (leading to one of the most hilariously squicky Interspecies Romances ever), Time Lady Shirley Bassey, and Ray Harryhausen declaring war on George Lucas and invading his home with stop-motion figurines. Then there's this memorable exchange:

Doctor: You know of such things?

Poodle: We are poodles, Doctor! Of course we know of such things!"

"‘What’s the surrealism report?’
 * Another of the fabulous Eighth Doctor Adventures, Unnatural History, has a rift in space-time making San Francisco even weirder, the Doctor being called "a backrub slut", Fitz being mugged by a unicorn in the middle of an alleyway for a bar of chocolate, and other gems.
 * After the Doctor meets up with Fitz again:

Fitz spread out his map of the city, turned the pages of his notebook. ‘The plants in Golden Gate Park are growing at five times the normal rate – it’s closed to the public. Lots of unconfirmed cryptozoological sightings, including an alleged vehicle theft by Bigfoot. Oh, and would you believe Lombard Street has gone straight?’

‘Well,’ laughed the Doctor, ‘as long as Castro Street hasn’t gone straight. . . ’"

"‘It’s the Law of Conservation of Niceness,’ he said. ‘It’s a fundamental principle of the universe, like Schrodinger’s cat or Heisenberg’s knickers.’ He twirled the chocolate bar in his fingers. ‘The Doctor’s always got to have someone around who can be fluffy and sympathetic. With your alter ego gone, for the safety of the cosmos, I have to make the supreme sacrifice. Give up smoking. And practise saying “Gosh wow!”’"
 * When Fitz explains why he's quitting smoking:

"‘The last time I dropped acid was back in 1968,' [the Doctor] said.
 * Another when talking to Sam about drugs:

She nearly dropped her cigarette with surprise. He said, ‘I needed an altered state of consciousness to contact a discarnate entity. But I was almost transformed into a psychopathic Aztec god.’

She stared. ‘Now that is a bad trip.’"

"As they ran about they budded off subprocesses hither and yon. As they budded they mutated, with new subroutines turning up from nowhere.
 * In Seeing I the Doctor needs information, so he uploads 6.02 x 10^23 data-umphs to the corporate network. The programs appear to have something of their creator's Cloudcuckoolander personality...

Imogen found itself afflicted with a particularly odd strain of umph which spray painted KILROY WOZ ’ERE graphics all over its annual report.

Kisumu Interplanetary’s intranet collapsed as several thousand umphs engaged its computer power in playing eight-dimensional Tetris."

"‘So you’re just going to tell your darling husband that you’ve been lying to him all these years?’ shouted Anji. ‘That to stop him throwing you out on the streets you had another man’s children?’
 * Later he needs the INC people distracted so he can use one of their computers: he logs on, fires hundreds of employees, hires hundreds more, creates working parties and working parties to monitor them and orders sandwiches for everybody. Wonderful chaos ensues.
 * In EarthWorld, context is for the weak:

The Doctor’s eyes blazed. ‘I was never unfaithful to him!’

Anji snorted. ‘It wasn’t a question of faith. If you’d let things happen the normal way instead of being so bloody pure then our children might have been normal.’

The Doctor slapped her."