Fever Dreams/Funny

"L: Dr. Yamane and Light are both Kira. You need to arrest them at once. We need a bigger chain for Light. He can bite through this one."
 * L tries to function when he has a high fever but for some reason no one believes his raving:

"Matsuda: Kira can control people. Maybe he's going to make all of us have sex with each other."
 * When L suspects Light is up to no good by his smug smirking.
 * Matsuda's fear:

"Matsuda (screaming): Light's raping him again! What do I do?"
 * Light and L are having a moment when Matsuda interrupts:

"Light: Misa, I admit I've been having sex with Ryuzaki, but it's only because he's so much better looking than you.
 * Light is in the middle of breaking up with Misa when she says something incriminating and now Light has to stall for time while Ryuk moves the evidence. L is watching everything through surveillance cameras and when Light didn't get to the point and break up with Misa fast enough, L shows Misa footage of him and Light having sex. Hilarity Ensues:

Misa: What!

Light: Well, to begin with you're too skinny. You should put on some weight. Also, you shouldn't dye your hair. And I hate the gothic lolita style. You should wear regular clothing, like Ryuzaki does. There's nothing wrong with a t-shirt and jeans.

Misa: But he's a guy! That's disgusting. And he looks horrible. I don't think he even brushes his hair… It can't be. Why would you do this? Light, how do I stop you from seeing him? Is he blackmailing you?

Light: Misa, I'm not breaking up with you. I can't resist Ryuzaki because I have very exact sexual requirements that he meets, but there is no need for us to stop dating because of this.

Misa: You'll leave him?

Light: No, Misa. I told you I can't resist him. The real reason I couldn't leave headquarters is because he always wants to have sex and I give in every time. We're almost constantly doing it. It started before I ever met you. We had sex while we were going to college together. That first night I met you, when you came to my home, and I kissed you, I was thinking about fucking him while we kissed.

Misa: Light! Light!

Light: But we don't need to break up, Misa. Let me talk to him. We've had threesomes before, so maybe he'd be willing to let you join in, if I phrased it just right. However, you definitely have to gain some weight first. You don't turn me on at all the way you are now.

Misa: Threesomes! Threesomes!

Rem: Light, you're tormenting her!

Light: Yes, Misa. Matsuda has joined us quite a number of times, and a few other people as well on rare occasions. In fact, I think this would work best if you seduced Matsuda, and then I introduced the idea to Ryuzaki. Yes, why don't you gain a little weight, and seduce Matsuda, and then after that I'm sure Ryuzaki won't object to you joining us. We'll all become a nice stable foursome. You want me to be happy, don't you, Misa? This will make me very happy, and you'll be able to have sex with me that way.

Rem: Light Yagami, you're giving Ryuk more time, aren't you? This is... necessary.

Light: Misa, don't worry. Soon everything will be good. Just seduce Matsuda for me, okay? And, one more thing I just thought of. I've never been in anything bigger than a foursome. I'd really like it if you could seduce one of the girls from your modeling agency and bring her along too. Any of them would work. They're all more attractive than you are."

"Matsuda: You always know everything! How do you do that? It's a trick, isn't it? You use your special powers, right? Hey, could you levitate something? That'd be really cool and groovy."
 * Misa throwing dirt at Light's house.
 * L proved Light has supernatural powers but Light managed to convince them all he wasn't Kira so now the taskforce thinks Light is a superhero:

"Light: I know I can win him back if he'll just visit me in person once.
 * After L dumps Light, Light has a plan to win him back...

Rem: You sound like Misa."

"Rem: Light Yagami, I did not realize you were capable of having feelings."
 * When Light has a fit after

"Matsuda: It was so horrible. I- I feel like I've violated Misa-Misa just by listening to those lies being told to her... I don't want to have sex with two men and Misa-Misa at the same time... (*everyone stares*) No, no, I'm not with this guy, he's just my friend who has sex with my other male friend. I really like women a lot and any women who want to be with me, I'll respect them incredibly hard and skillfully with all the right respectful lines that I'm going to learn.
 * Poor drunk Matsuda:

Light: I don't think you should return to this bar anytime soon."

"Light: You're hard.
 * Also Matsuda mentions he can't give his email to Light because then he'd get in trouble and they'd have to change emails again.
 * This:

L (thinking): No, I'm not. That's just the gun in my pocket."

"L: There's the cultural stereotype of the Uke, who receives blow jobs from the Seme, which is seen as a privilege for the uke. In return, the seme gets to enter the uke, which is a privilege for the seme. However, it's considered degrading and low-status to be entered by another man, so supposedly nobody wants to be the uke and the blow jobs are seen as a way to compensate the uke for that humiliation and entice him into his role. I think you view yourself as the seme and me as the uke.
 * The Take That at Boys Love stereotypes:

Light: But those are just stereotypes. No relationship is really that simple unless there's at least one idiot involved."

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