Bakemonogatari/Funny

""Make a deal with a shinigami, see a naked girl. Best shinigami eyes ever.""
 * Pretty much every time Aragi runs into Mayoi, he ends up groping her, fighting with her, or both.
 * The Insane Troll Logic he uses to explain it is utterly hilarious.
 * In episode 14 Kanbaru answered her phone introducing herself as Araragi's love slave. She said this despite the fact that she apparently didn't know it was Araragi on the other end...in front of several children. Moments later she interprets Araragi's request for help to mean she should strip, which she then starts to do.
 * From Hitagi Crab, a Shout-Out to Death Note:

"Senjougahara: Sorekara...Araragi-kun...I Love You.
 * Near the end of Mayoi Snail

Mayoi: (deadpan) Congratulations."

"Koyomi:"HACHIKUJI!!! I'VE MISSED YOU!! I haven't seen you, so I thought you moved away!...""
 * In the first episode of the second season, Koyomi spends about two minutes saying how he won't molest Mayoi and how he even hates her (while stretching like a marathon runner no less)... and then hits her with a tackle that would make an NFL player cry with envy.

""S-s-s-s-scared! Scared! Scared! Scared! It's too high and very scary! Let me down. Let me down. Let me down now! I'm sorry! Please let me down, Karen-san! No, Karen-sama!""
 * Senjougahara: "You might not be able to tell with my clothes on, but surprisingly enough, my body isn't worth the jail time."
 * Pretty much everything Kanbaru does to Koyomi in episode 2 of Nisemonogatari.
 * Prior to that the panic Kanbaru shows when Araragi points out that she isn't very perverted, prompting her to go after him.
 * In episode 4 of Nisemonogatari Tsukihi walks in on Araragi in the bathtub...with Shinobu sitting next to him. Tsukihi returns moments later with a knife.
 * In episode 5, Hanekawa gives Koyomi a "ticket" that allows him to touch her boobs as much as he wants, as long as he wants. Koyomi's pretty damn happy...until Hanekawa adds that she'd hate him forever if he used it. Koyomi immediately decides that it ain't worth it.
 * In episode 7, after taking Karen home, Koyomi ensures she won't go out again by writing "Any man will do" on her forehead in permanent marker. Then, just to be on the safe side (or possibly for lulz) he writes "Wearing a bra is a pain, so I'm not" on Tsukihi's cheek as well.
 * In one fansub, Tsukihi's is "Disregard bras, acquire liberation."
 * Episode 9 of Nisemonogatari. During an attempt to 'greet' Mayoi, Koyomi is tripped by Shinobu, who then proceeds to wave mockingly as her hand disappears back into his shadow.
 * We find out in Nisemonogatari that Koyomi is afraid of heights by Karen carrying him around on her shoulders. It's also ridiculously cute. He even cries.


 * In episode 10 of Nisemonogatari, while talking to him in Mr. Donut, Kaiki snatches Koyomi's wallet out of his hands and keeps the entire thing. He does not stop talking at all.