Fiddler On the Roof/Funny

"Lazar: "I am going to Chicago, America."
 * Lazar Wolf's completely unintentionally awesome name. Whenever someone says the character's name, modern audiences think of Maximals.
 * And/or The Kids Are All Right.
 * or Metal Gear Solid.
 * Tevye (to the audience): "You may ask, where do all of these traditions come from? I'll tell you... I don't know."
 * Tevye's moment of Fridge Logic during one of his chats with God when, as usual, he begins to pontificate "As the good book says..." only to realise "why should I tell you what the good book says?!"
 * "If I were a rich man [...] I'd have one staircase just going up, and another even longer coming down! And one leading nowhere just for show!"
 * "As Jacob said, 'I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.'" "That was also Moses!" "For a man slow of tongue he talked a lot!"
 * "As the Good Book Says..., 'if a poor man eats a chicken, one of them is sick.'" "Where does the Book say that?" "Well, it doesn't say exactly that, but somewhere it has something about a chicken!"
 * Tevye and Lazar Wolf's conversation in the bar. Lazar Wolf is talking about his plans to marry Tevye's daughter. Tevye thinks he's talking about buying some cows. Hilarity Ensues.
 * Tzeitel's imitation of Yenta during the song "Matchmaker".
 * Tevye has some strange ideas about the size of America:

Tevye: "We are going to New York, America. We'll be neighbors!""

"Tevye: "I AM THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY! AND I WANT TO SEE MOTEL'S MACHINE!" (Peeks his head inside for literally one second then slams the door) "Now let's go home!""
 * Perchik proposing to Hodel: "I personally am in favor of such a socioeconomic relationship."
 * "HORSE!" "MULE!" "HORSE!" "MULE!"
 * Perchick: "Girls are people too! They can be taught!" Random Rabbi's helper: "He's a radical!"
 * Tevye: "Do you love me?" Golde: "You're a fool!" Tevye: "I know."
 * Tevye: "Do you love me?" Golde: "I am your wife!" Tevye: "Yes, I know! But do you love me?"
 * Tevye refusing to leave without seeing Motel's sewing machine.

"Other Men: "She is dancing with a man!"
 * During the wedding, when Perchik breaks tradition and dances with Tevye's daughter, and Tevye decides to support him:

Tevye: "I can see she is dancing with a man!"

Other Men: "And?"

Tevye': *beat* "And I'm going to dance with my wife!""