Friday the 13th (film)/Funny

"Brodski: "It's gonna take more than a poke in the ribs to put down this old dog." *gets stabbed in the heart* "Ya that oughta do it.""
 * In Jason X, Brodski gets stabbed in the lungs by Jason but shrugs it off before Jason stabs him in the back.

""My professional opinion: this guy's deader than shit. Ha ha ha ha ha. Um, strike that last comment from the record."
 * Jason is stalled with a holographic representation of Camp Crystal Lake, complete with sexually promiscuous Co-Eds. Both co-eds declare how much they love drugs and pre-marital sex, strip and lay down on sleeping bags. Cut away to the protagonists trying to repair an airlock. Cut back, and Jason has zipped both co-eds into their bags, and is beating one to death with the other in the ultimate sexy co-ed pillow fight.
 * In the novelization, Jason is so dumbstruck by the behaviour of the holograms that he briefly assumes they're mentally retarded.
 * In Part VIII, Jason stalks past a group of street punks, breaking their jam box. They're ready to beat the shit out of him over it...until he turns around and lifts his mask. They back off, and Jason resumes his stalkery stalk of stalking.
 * Also from Part VIII, Jason versus the boxing champ on the rooftop. Said champ spends a solid minute working Jason over with punches, to no effect. Finally, he tires himself out, and offers Jason his best shot in return. Jason accepts.
 * Almost blink-and-you-miss-it gag in Part VI. Some yuppies are out playing paintball. Jason smashes his face into a tree so hard it leaves a bloody Smiley Face imprint.
 * This troper has it beat, In the same movie, he kills all but one of the paintball shooters. Some nervous geeky guy, who's only defense was to shoot Jason with a paintball gun. Jason takes a moment to look down at his shirt before advancing on the poor bastard. Blood and guts are ok but shoot him with paint and Jason will get you if he has to run all over crystal lake to do it.
 * Jason Goes To Hell is no where near a perfect film, but some of the lines from it has some classic jems, including Creighton Duke's description of what he thinks of Jason Voorhees and these:

"You know what I'd like to do to you? I'd like to take a crap right on your fuckin mask! A big old mango-sized crap!"

"He was nothing but a big old pussy anyway." (more funnier is that the character saying that line is Kane Hodder himself)

"Planning on smoking a little dope, having a little premarital sex, and getting slaughtered?""

"Jessica: Joey, please, just let me get the baby and we'll go.
 * Not to mention the opening, where everything starts out perfectly routine for a Friday film, when suddenly Jason's latest victim, she cartwheels out of the way and lets a dozen or so gunmen empty a few hundred rounds into him, eventually taking him out with an air strike. You can almost see Jason screaming 'What the fuck!?' behind his mask.
 * And there's this bit of dialog between Jessica and Joey B., after Jessica shows up at the diner with Steven. Joey holds a gun on them because Steven's wanted for the murder of Jessica's mom, so Joey refuses to hand over their daughter. In Joey's words, "no one's laying a fucking hand on the fucking ray of sunshine!" Then we have:

Joey B.: Shut the fuck up! You're with a fucking felon!

Shelby: Hey, baby, watch your language.

Joey B.: Fuck you!

(Jessica tries to grab the gun and causes it to misfire and hit the fuse box)

Joey B.: Now look what you fucking done!

Jessica: Give me the baby, Joey!

Joey B.: Fuck you!

(Jessica proceeds to deck Joey)"