A Christmas Story/Funny

"Ralphie: Son of a bitch!"
 * The Santa Claus. "HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!"
 * This troper laughs every time he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his foot.
 * Ralphie's brutal beat down of Scut Farkus is both this and a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
 * "Did you hear what Ralphie said?"
 * "I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!"
 * Mom tries to put Randy's arms down but they keep popping back up and tells him "Well, put your arms down when you get to school!"
 * "My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop."
 * Randy waddling to school in his snow outfit and how he continually falls down.
 * "Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense."
 * Ralphie as he receives the pink bunny pajamas for Christmas: "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl."
 * Hell, Ralphie when he wears the pink bunny pajamas, period!
 * "He looks like a deranged Easter bunny!"
 * "He does not!"
 * "He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!
 * There's also Randy laughing at Ralphie while he's wearing the pink bunny pajamas and Ralphie mumbling at him, "Shut up."
 * "Oh FFFFFFUUUUUUDDDDDGGGEEEE..." "Only I didn't say fudge. It was the word! The big one! The queen mother of dirty words! The "F dash dash dash" word!"
 * "What did you say?"
 * *incoherent mumbling from Ralphie*
 * "That's what I thought you said..."
 * "It was all over... I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Huh. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me."
 * Don't forget the phone conversation between Ralphie's mom and Schwartz's mom: 'Do you know where he heard that word?' 'Probably from his father.' For some reason, this is this troper's favorite line.
 * Followed by Ralphie's mom's reply that "he heard it from your son!" and then Mrs. Schwartz practically squawking "WHAT?!? WHAT?!?!"
 * And then after that, Mrs. Schwartz practically BEATING her son within an inch of his life... which Ralphie's mom can still hear over the phone.
 * "You'll shoot your eye out!"
 * Flick being "triple dog dared" to put his tongue on a frozen flagpole. Need I say anymore?
 * Ralphie's fantasy in which he is blind as a result of "soap poisoning" from having Lifebouy soap in his mouth as punishment for saying the "F dash dash dash" word. Made even funnier thanks to the Narmtastic / Melodramatic reaction of Ralphie's parents after discovering the cause of Ralphie's blindness and the sly smile that Ralphie has at the end.
 * Look closely, and you can see Darren McGavin and Melinda Dillon struggling not to laugh.
 * "NADDAFINGA!!"
 * "That is the ugliest lamp I have ever seen IN MY ENTIRE LIIIFE!"
 * "YOU USED UP ALL THE GLUE ON PURPOSE!"
 * Realizing that sending out for that decoder pin was all for naught, as the "secret message" broadcast on the radio was  And Ralphie's reaction:
 * Realizing that sending out for that decoder pin was all for naught, as the "secret message" broadcast on the radio was  And Ralphie's reaction:

"The Old Man: Fra-geelay. Huh, must be Italian!"
 * The classic leg lamp scene.

"Ralph: I had pulled it off! *smiles*"
 * "It's a major award!"
 * "DADDY'S GONNA KILL RALPHIE!" *sob*
 * Made funnier by the mom letting Randy stay in the cupboard until he was ready to come back out, and pausing to re-open the door and see if he wanted a glass of milk before going on with her own activities.
 * And the Old Man's reaction to Randy coming out.
 * The tree salesman. "This here's a tree! Ain't no needles coming offa this here tree!"
 * Ralph Breaking the Fourth Wall after fooling his mom that an icicle broke his glasses.

"Ralph as an adult: In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."
 * Ralph's old man trying to get the furnace going again.

"Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."
 * "Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!"
 * "SONS OF BITCHES! BUMPUSES!"
 * Raplhie touching the leg lamp in a sensual manner and his mother continually getting him to stop it.

"Santa: You'll shoot your eye out, kid!"
 * That weird kid in the mall that claimed he/she loved Santa but started screaming his/her head off once they were put on his lap.
 * Randy snorting in his food like a pig and Ralphie's and the Old Man's disgusted reactions to it.
 * "Meatloaf, speetloaf, double beetloaf. I hate meatloaf."
 * Ralphie finally remembering what he wanted to ask Santa for, complete with his big cheesy grin after he says it.
 * Santa's reply?

"With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played, gently."
 * The ending of the lamp saga:

"Wicked Witch: What a tasty little boy!
 * In line to see Santa:

Ralphie: Don't bother me. I'm uh...thinking."

"Ralphie: I bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas!
 * Scut Farkus (to Ralphie): "Listen jerk, when I tell you to come, you better come!" That's What She Said.
 * "DON'T A-NY-BO-DY MOVE! A FUSE IS OUT!"
 * The Old Man's Christmas wish.

The Old Man: *gets glassy-eyed* A new furnace.

Ralphie: Haha, that's a good one, Dad.

The Old Man: *slowly lowers his gaze in disappointment*

Narrator: My old man was one of the most feared furnace fighters in northern Indiana."

"Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. (Long pause.) Life Buoy, on the other hand...
 * The sight of Ralphie with the bar of soap in his mouth as punishment for saying a bad word.

Ralphie: YECCHH!"

"Mrs. Schwartz: NO, NOT THAT!!!"
 * The first time we see the Old Man go toe to toe with the furnace: He grabs his gloves, and heads downstairs in a hurry. He makes it a few steps down before stepping on a rollerskate, and going flying down the stairs into what sounds like a pile of paint cans. Then, of course, once he actually starts the battle properly and the swearing launches into overdrive, everyone just stares at the vent, lost for words.
 * Scut Farkus's incredibly hammy Evil Laugh.
 * When the family goes to a Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner. This troper is convinced that the mother's actress cracked up for real when the duck was brought in and the director decided to keep that shot.
 * There's also when the guy chops off the head of the duck and the mom screams.
 * Any of Ralphie's Imagine Spots.
 * Anytime Scut Farkus and Toadie chase Ralphie and friends.
 * Randy and Ralphie getting socks on Christmas morning, looking at each other, and promptly tossing the socks behind them.
 * Randy falling asleep on the ground with his toy and the Old Man telling him to wake up, Randy staying asleep and the Old Man's response to this is to raise his eyebrows, shake his head and mutter something that sounds like "God".
 * Toadie scaring Ralphie, his friends, and Randy away by roaring at them.
 * Ralphie getting a C+ on his essay, seeing the line "You'll shoot your eye out!" at the end, and imagining Ms. Shields (dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West) and his mom (dressed as a jester) singing "You'll shoot your eye out!" and then laughing evilly. Bonus points for Ralph assuming a conspiracy between his mom and Ms. Shields.
 * In one scene before they go see Santa Ralphie wants to see Santa before the mall closes but his parents and Randy are trying to watch a parade and tell him to be quiet every time he tries to get them to leave. "SHADDAP RALPHIE!"
 * The phone conversation between Ralphie's mom and Mrs. Schwartz.