Chess/WMG

The Bishops are female
Why, you may ask? Well, I just think so for some reason and it's Wild Mass Guessing.
 * Then why do they look like penises?

The King is married to the Queen and every other piece is a member of his Harem
Yes, the King. My theory is he is married to the Queen, but every other piece is a female member of his harem. The fact that pawns can promote to Queens as well as any other piece may lend some support to this. And, when the King loses, the game is automatically over. Why? Because the opposing side takes the other pieces for their King's harem.