Two and A Half Men/Awesome

"Charlie: I'm not saying I hate you, but if I did, it might have something to do with the fact that you're a narcissistic bloodsucker who drove my father into an early grave, after which you married a succession of men who couldn't care less about Alan and me, which was just fine with you 'cause you... looked at us like a couple of dancing monkeys you could just haul out whenever it suited you! And when it didn't, you sent us off to boarding school or camp or that kibbutz in Israel, where we got beat up 'cause we weren't even Jewish! And now... now you show up here every chance you get to lay a guilt trip on me for not appreciating my cold, lonely, loveless childhood!"
 * When Judith chastises Alan for sleeping with the mother of Jake's best friend, saying "You don't sleep with your son's best friend's mother!", Alan replies with
 * Charlie vs. Judith's friends in "Just Like Buffalo". Jake parrots Charlie's misogynistic philosophy in front of Judith's friends, so she stops sending him to see Alan. Charlie misses him, so he goes to see Judith's friends, turns on the charm, and, while not actually turning them against Judith, she agrees to reinstate the original visitation schedule as long as Charlie stays away from her friends.
 * Winning at the end of "Thank You For The Intercourse"..and maybe even the entire episode.
 * When Evelyn, Rose and Berta are pestering Charlie into trying to get him to say why he hates Evelyn, he finally has had enough and delivers this amazing speech. Shame Evelyn doesn't seem to listen.