Amelia Bedelia/WMG

Amelia Bedelia is not a native speaker of English.
It's the only way that she can suffer from such chronic Blunt Metaphors Trauma and still have gainful employment.

Amelia Bedelia has Asperger syndrome.
This mild form of autism is the other major cause of Blunt Metaphors Trauma. Other people have noticed this.

Amelia Bedelia actually does understand the directions she's given
She just deliberately misinterprets them because she's a bitch.

Amelia Bedelia is having an affair with Mr. Rogers.
You don't think cookies alone are a good enough reason to keep someone like that around, do you?
 * Yes, I do.
 * "Mmmmmmm, that's a good cookie!"