Princess Tutu Abridged/Funny

"Rue: Did you hear something?
 * Every time Mytho spouts a random fact. Apparently he watched a lot of Jeopardy!.
 * "A pregnant goldfish is called a twit."

Fakir: No, not really.

Mytho: Strawberries have more vitamin C than oranges.

Fakir/Rue: Shut up, Mytho!"

"Edel: Sometimes when a man and woman love each other very much, they share a special hug.
 * Edel's introduction in Episode 2:

Duck: Huh?

Edel: I am Edel. You are naked.

Duck: Naked? Oh sn--

Edel: You'll need these. *hands her clothes*"

"Rue: It's okay if you're a dummy, Mytho. Just as long as you love me.
 * Mytho really needs a double cheeseburger right now.
 * "What?"
 * Fakir and Rue's brief affair in episode 4 can be summarized thusly:

Mytho: Honey bees are deaf.

Rue: That's right.

Fakir Rue --Mytho go to your room-- so you're still seeing Mytho?

Rue: Oh please.

Fakir: Try to stay away from Mytho from now on.

Rue: Oh Fakir! Just shut up and kiss me!

awkward silence...

Fakir: So, uh, do you tilt your head left, or do I?

Rue: I think we both tilt left.

Fakir: Your left or my left...?"

""Once Upon a Time, there was a Rabbit... which was actually a Swan. There was also a Fox that wanted to eat the swan--rabbit. So it made a baby swan out of black tar. Brer Swan tried to talk to the Tar Swan, but it would not respond. When Brer Swan touched the tar, she got stuck. The only way to escape the Fox was to go into the briar patch. But swans don't live in briar patches rabbits do. And I am aware that this story makes absolutely no sense.""
 * "When I think about Rue and Tutu, I get different feelings. When I think about them both at the same time, I get an even different feeling."
 * From episode 12 (to the tune of "Anything You Can Do")..."Flashback duck!" "Holy crap!" "Flashback duck!" "I'm a SAP!" "Flashback duck!" "Oh snap, OH SNAP~"
 * All together now: SHE'S A MAGICAL BALLERINA PRINCESS WITH A NICE ASS!
 * Episode 13 is an absolute goldmine of hilarity.
 * The narrator doesn't even know what she's talking about anymore.

""Wait a minute you moron! What part of Screw Destiny do you not understand? You have to --and this is a shocker-- not do what they tell you! If you vanish like the story says then I probably get chopped in half. And I don't know about you but I AM NOT OKAY WITH THAT!""
 * Fakir is not happy with Tutu giving in to Kraehe's demands.

"Kraehe: Tutu, it just seems like every time I try to monologue at you, you start with the whole shouting expletives thing. I mean, seriously, it's getting kind of old. You're a Ballerina Princess, have a little class. Or is Princess Tutu nothing more than a vulgar, man-stealing, ho?
 * This scene, where the characters contemplate the broken Fourth Wall and wonder how Kraehe's outfit stays on.

Tutu: Wait. She just Lampshaded a Running Gag. Can she even do that?

Kraehe: If you're wondering why I can say stuff like that now, it's because the Fourth Wall is already broken.

Tutu: Expletive! Interjection!

Kraehe: After all, as the villain in this Fairy Tale, the easiest way to stop this Tom Foolery was to, well, contact the author himself.

Tutu: I feel a face leak coming on!

Kraehe: You're vibrating eyes aside, Tutu, it seems that Drosselmeyer likes me better. He even rationalized a way for my costume to stay up.

Tutu: I always thought you used double sided tape.

Kraehe: What a cute idea. But sadly: wrong. Any other guesses?

Fakir: As much as I'd like to discuss you're Stripperific fashion sense all episode, Kraehe. Why don't we get back to having a climactic showdown here? Somebody needs to get cut --and it's probably just glue anyway.

Kraehe: Oh but Fakir, we're just getting warmed up. Don't you want to hear Mytho's theory?

Mytho: Magnets.

Kraehe: Rhetorical question, darling. No one actually cares what you think. You're not important. After all, I am holding the essence of you're plot relevance right here. Not sure why it took away you're pupils though."

"Fakir: Where's Mytho? He went out without my authorization and he must be recaptured.
 * "Oh come on! His sword just turned into a pair of birds. That doesn't make any fucking sense!"
 * Fakir's control issues in the early episodes are usually this.

Duck: You control freak. He's Rue's boyfriend, not yours.

Fakir: Rue kidnapped Mytho!?

Duck: I didn't--

Fakir: I WILL HUNT HER DOWN!"

"Fakir: What's with the look?
 * Coupled with Mytho's insanity, it becomes absolutely priceless.

Mytho: What look?

Fakir: That look, just now. What were you thinking?

Mytho: There are forces out there. They're calling for me. They want me for their evil purposes. They're in our government, in our schools, in our tap water. Everywhere. Watching. Always watching...

Fakir: I will watch you if I feel like watching you. I mean look at you --no not like that-- every second I don't watch you, you get into trouble. Jumping out of windows, not wearing pants, rescuing BIRDS from the dangers of FLYING. They're BIRDS, Mytho!

Mytho: When possums are frightened, they become overexcited and pass out.

Beat.

Fakir: Good."

"Duck: So Mytho and Rue are an item. And Fakir is Mytho's roommate so hopefully they aren't an item. And Rue doesn't like Fakir, so they definitely aren't an item. But I just want to be Mytho's squeeze!
 * Miss Edel's cryptic advice and the way Duck understands them.

Edel: A mighty wind fans flame and makes treetops sway. But flames burn trees to the ground.

Duck: Ah! An extended metaphor! So Mytho fans Fakir and makes Rue sway, but Fakir secretly wants to burn Rue alive!

Edel: It's not a perfect metaphor."

"Rue: OH MY FUCKING GOD, MYTHO! Something's wrong with your arm!
 * Edel will be the first to let you know that she can be your "love puppet".
 * Edel is a whore. Possibly inspired by her change in character in the manga. Frequently brought up by herself and the other characters:
 * "See you later, handsome. Remember: cash only."
 * Oh what now-- oh, it's just a hooker.
 * In the Musical Episode: "I am a robot, / I don't have feelings. / And I am kind of a whore" (Um... yeah...)
 * And then she kills herself when Drosselmeyer takes away her sex drive.
 * Episode 18 begins with Fakir dreaming of fighting and slaying a sexy knight on horseback. In Gratuitous French. Fakir awakens with the most appropriate response: "What... the fuck?"
 * The Brick Joke in Episode 21 and 24.

Mytho: Are you implying my hand is not good looking? Make me a sandwich, woman!"

"Three episodes later..."

"Rue: Prince, are you hungry?

Mytho: Yes, I am hungry. *begins to eat a rat*

Rue: I made you a FUCKING SANDWICH!"

"Mytho: (over the entire Tear Jerker Rue/Mytho dance) That went well."
 * Also episode 24.


 * And, "She just broke the musical!" "Goddamn Power of Love!"