The Emperor's New Groove/Funny

Pretty much the whole movie.

"Kuzco: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But Yzma, you really wanna kill me?!

Yzma: Just think of it as...you're being let go. That your life's going in a different direction. That your body is part of a permanent outplacement.

Kronk: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.

Yzma: I know. It's called a "cruel irony". Like my dependence on you."

"Kuzco: No! It can't be! How did you get back here before us?

Yzma: [!!] ...How did we, Kronk?

Kronk: Well, ya got me. (pulls down the diagram from the montage) By all accounts, it doesn't make sense."

"Yzma: To the secret lab! Pull the lever, Kronk!

THUNK

Yzma: Wrong leverrrr...!!

Yzma: Why do we even HAVE that lever?"

"Kuzco: Okay, why does she even HAVE that lever?"

"Pacha: Uh-oh.

Kuzco: (facing the other way) Don't tell me: we're about to go over a huge waterfall.

Pacha: Yep.

Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Pacha: Most likely.

Kuzco: (Beat) Bring it on."

"Kronk: *Cries*
 * "For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline!"
 * "You know, pal, you coulda told me that before I set it up!"
 * Then there is Kronk's conversation with his shoulder angel and devil, who declare an instant truce when Yzma insults Kronk's cooking. They notice a chandelier directly above Yzma:

Shoulder Devil: That's it. (cocks trident) She's goin' down.

Shoulder Angel: Now now, remember guys, "from above, the wicked shall receive their just reward."

They look up, see a chandelier

All three of them: That'll work.

(Kronk slices the rope holding up the chandelier, which crashes down around Yzma. She is untouched; her body was so skinny it passed right through a gap.)

Kronk: Strange, that usually works.

Yzma: And so does THIS!

(She pulls a lever and a trapdoor opens under Kronk)

Kronk: Oh, I shoulda seen that one coming...

{He falls, followed a moment later by the angel and devil}"

"Shoulder Devil: Hey, you're not backing down now are ya, big guy? *Appears*
 * Don't forget the moment immediately before that!

Kronk: Uh...Where's the other guy? *Shoulder Angel appears, doing his hair, and reading a book* Yo!

Shoulder Angel: Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?

Kronk: Well, Yzma just tossed me this knife, and asked me to, y'know, take them out, and then this guy popped up, and we waited for you, and quite honestly...


 * All the while Kronk's been talking (and making various gestures), for Yzma, Pacha, and Kuzco it looks like he's talking to thin air. Yzma points in disbelief, while the other two shrug with bewildered expressions on their faces.*"

"Shoulder Angel: Oh come off it!
 * That one's not nearly as funny as the conversation he has when he has second thoughts about killing Kuzco.

Shoulder Devil: You come off it!

Angel: You!

Devil: You infinity.

Angel: (frustrated) Rrrgh!

Devil: (to Kronk) Alright, listen up big guy, I've got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Reason #1...(points to the Shoulder Angel) look at that guy, he's got that sissy stringy music thingy.

Angel: We've been through this, it's a harp, and you know it.

Devil: Right, that's a harp...and that's a dress.

Angel: Robe!

Devil: Reason #2...look what I can do. (does a one-handed handstand) Ha-hah!

Kronk (actually acting relatively smart for once): But...what does that have to do with anyth-...?

Angel: (straight-faced) No no, he's got a point."

"Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives... ] ...I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! [knocks over bottle of poison on flower, which shrivels up and dies] Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this!"
 * Also a classic, Yzma's plan on how to get rid of Kuzco:

"Yzma: Ooooohhh, feel the power!
 * And right after, when she hands the poison over to Kronk:

Kronk: [absolutely deadpan] Oh. I can feel it."

"Yzma: Tell us where the talking llama is and we'll burn your house to the ground.
 * "HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM ALL OF US TO YOU! WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY, SO WE COULD PARTY TOO!"
 * Also notice how many candles they put on Yzma's cake during that scene.
 * Kronk makes his own background music. Even more funny when he leans onto a wall to not be seen, but keeps singing, thus defeating the point of leaning in the first place.
 * A wall covered with carvings of giant figures pointing down at him, no less.
 * Also led to a Real Life moment, when the Disney lawyers required Kronk's voice-actor Patrick Warburton to officially sign over the rights to the tune he improvised while recording the scene.
 * This exchange:

Kronk: Don't you mean 'or'?

Yzma: UGH! Fine. Tell is where the talking llama is or we'll burn your house to the ground.

Chaca: Well, which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction!"

"Yzma: Get them!
 * "Yay, I'm a llama again! ...wait."
 * Or when the soldiers have been turned into various animals:

Random Soldier: Um, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?

Yzma (completely calm and polite): You're excused. Anyone else?

Soldiers: No, no, we're good."

"Yzma: There they go, after them!
 * This may lead to a rather awkward case of Fridge Brilliance, considering that cows are female. Can you blame the guy for leaving early?
 * And when the soldiers attempt to follow Kuzco and Pacha, who are now dangling out of the nostril of Kuzco's sculpted head on his palace.

Lead soldier: C'mon men! Nobody lives forever!


 * they jump down the funnel and end up sliding out of it and falling to their (offscreen) deaths*"

"Kronk: Yzma!
 * Kronk: (Bolting awake) "THE PEASANT! At the diner! (beat) He didn't pay his check
 * And the Cucumber Facial that secedes it!

Yzma: What?!

Kronk: Ugh!

Yzma: This had better be good! (cucumber slices fall out of eyes)"

"Kuzco: Maybe I'm new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered a step backward. Wouldn't you say?
 * Bucky the squirrel's expression as he threatens to wake up the jaguar pack by popping a balloon llama.
 * What does wake up the jaguar pack, though, is Kuzco's triumphant "HAH!" when he realizes the pop didn't wake them up.
 * "Our moment of triumph approaches! AH HA HA HA HA! It's DINNER TIME!" *dramatic lightning*
 * The Diner Scene with Kuzco dressed as a woman.
 * This exchange after Pacha rescues Kuzco from a horde of hungry panthers...and ends up with the two tied to opposite sides of a tree trunk:

Pacha: No no, it's all right, we can figure this out!

(tree cracks, about to fall)

Kuzco: I hate you."

"Pacha: For the last time, it was not a kiss!
 * Kronk finding another bird for "Exotic Bird Bingo" while Yzma runs back and forth in the background being chased by bees.
 * What makes this scene even better is if you notice what shapes the bees take while chasing Yzma. They include an arrow, a tornado and a shark.
 * Pacha trying to give Kuzco CPR after the latter almost drowns and Kuzco coming to in time only to think that its a kiss.

Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it, it was disgusting! And if you'd done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little kiss of life."

"Chaca: Well in my dream, Dad had to kiss a llama!
 * And beware the pop-out llama tongue.
 * Lampshaded by a cutaway to Pacha's children later in the film:

Tipo: Yeah, like that would ever happen!

Chaca: It could!

Tipo: Nu-uh!

Chaca: Ya-huh!

Tipo: Nu-uh!

Chaca: Ya-HUH!

Chicha: Goodnight, kids.

Kids: Night, Mom! Nu-uh! Ya-huh! Nu-uh! Ya-huh!.."

"Kuzco: D'oh! You threw off my groove!
 * At the start when Kuzco bumps into an old man whilst dancing:

Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove. *picks up old man*

(Gilligan Cut to the exterior of the palace.)

Old Man: SOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYyyyyy!"

"Yzma: Then I bet you weren't expecting this!
 * Kuzco: "Y'know, it's a good thing you're not a big fat guy or this would be really difficult!" [All while pushing Pacha up a cliff.]
 * "A llama?!? He's supposed to be dead!" "Yeah. Weird..."
 * The following:

[hikes up her skirt]

Pacha: GAAAAH!

Kuzco ACK! NOOOO!

Yzma: Ah-HA! [pulls out a vicious-looking dagger]

Pacha: Phew.

Kuzco: Oh, Okay."

"Tipo: (to Yzma) I don't believe you're really my great-aunt. You're more like my great-great-great-
 * The following between Tipo and Yzma:

(cut to another scene, then later back to Tipo and Yzma)

Tipo: -great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-

Yzma: Grr! All right! Are you through?

Tipo: ...great-great aunt."

"Kronk: Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco. The poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco. Kuzco's poison...That p–?
 * "So *all* of it was a *lie*?!" "Well, yeah! No, wait... Uh, yeah. Yeah, it all was a lie... Toodles!"
 * Kitten Yzma at the end. "...Squeaken."
 * Kitten Yzma doing an Evil Laugh, saying "I win" and getting slammed into the wall by Kronk opening a door on her and saying "Whoa! What are the odds that trap door lead me out here?"
 * Kuzco sing-songing "Still not listening!" to Pacha after Pacha warns him not to go into the forest.
 * This dialogue:

Yzma: Yes! That poison.

Kronk: Gotcha covered.

Yzma: Excellent! A few drops in his drink, and he'll be dead before dessert!

Kronk: Which is a real shame, cuz it's gonna be delicious!"

Kronk's New Groove
"Kronk: Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina."
 * One of the only really funny moments in Kronk's New Groove -

"Kuzco: Like how I weasled myself into the movie?"
 * The sequel, despite otherwise being... well, a Disney sequel, does have its moments. In particular, the ending where Papi is introduced to Mrs. Kronk. And Mrs. Kronk. And Mrs. Kronk. And... You get the idea.
 * Kuzco's last-minute entrance in drag is arguably one of the better parts of the whole movie.
 * Doubly so as his entrance is actually part of the above Mrs. Kronk scene... and yes, he's there as Mrs. Kronk.


 * The Nostril Flare of Total Rejection.