Brütal Legend/Funny

Crowner

"Eddie: Wanna make out before we hit the water?
 * Some of the reactions as Eddie is about to die, usually after driving to his inevitable death are priceless. In particular, when Ophelia's in the car.

Ophelia: In your DREAMMMMMMMMMMS!"

"Worm: *screams at Eddie*
 * There are many but here's a favorite, which occurs while fighting the giant worm boss:

Eddie: Ugh! Smells like a whale... ate some cabbage... then died in your mouth... like a year ago!"

"Doviculus: Come to me once you grow a pair as big as your mother's.
 * There's Doviculus' line after you win the Tainted Coil stage battle.

(Doviculus leaves.)

Eddie: I hope he was talking about horns."

"Guardian of Metal: You've interrupted the Guardian of Metal's nap!
 * Most of the moments involving the Guardian of Metal:

Guardian of Metal: The Guardian of Metal is getting just a little bit sick of all this.

Guardian of Metal: You're still alive?! *rubs the bridge of his nose*

Guardian of Metal: Every time I see you, there's another fucking scratch on that beautiful car!

Guardian of Metal: ...

Eddie: (raises eyebrow)

Guardian of Metal: ...WHAT IS IT?!"

"Guardian of Metal sculpture - "Oh, no, who put this in here?", and when you purchase it, "I hope you're not embarassed."
 * Some of the Guardian's store pitches are hilarious.

Ace of Hades paint job - "Oh, I hate puns."

Bolt Thrower - "Why don't you make someone else ride your lightning for a change?"

Drowned Ophelia sculpture - "Oh, the young ones and their make-up..."

Bone Wagon paint job - "That's grim."

Chrome paint job - "Shiiiny!"

Second armor augmentation - "Well someone's paranoid!""

"Son Bat: My ass is getting sunburned.
 * Watching a Headbanger fish is singularly entertaining.
 * Hell, Headbangers in general. Also, Bouncers; "I'm helping!"
 * The bat family was pretty funny, too.

(after beating the secondary mission)

Daughter Bat: Oooh, look at all the blood! *flies into cave with brother*

Mom Bat: *kisses Eddie on the cheek* Nice to have a man around sometimes.

Dad Bat: I HEARD THAT! Oh, by the way, sorry I took a shit on your head, earlier.

Eddie: What?

Dad Bat: Nothing."

"Eddie: Okay, I'll be back, covered in Metal God Love!
 * Eddie's promise to the Guardian of Metal.

Guardian of Metal: Oh god..."

"Eddie: From this new vantage point I can totally see what the problem is. A bunch of gross fan leeches are eating our fans.
 * When Eddie discovers how to use his wings:

Lita: We already knew that.

Eddie: Silence, ground walker!"

"Headbanger #1: Wha-? What is that sound!?
 * "Ewwww! You are the DEFINITION of 'butter-face'!"
 * When the Headbangers first hear the gift of Metal.

Headbanger #2: It's a devil screaming...

Headbanger #3: It's an angel singing!

Headbanger #1: It is the pounding of creation's hammer upon the anvil of time...

Headbanger #3: It's fucking awesome!"

"Headbanger #1: Lionwhyte sucks!
 * And from the same scene, after Eddie commands the Headbangers to destroy a statue of Lionwhyte...

Headbanger #2: Death to Lionwhyte!

Headbanger #3: I hate statues!"

"(Re: the Spider Queen) But we don't go into her lair anymore, lest she bite us in half, suck out our innards, and lay her eggs in our eyesockets.
 * Eddie and Ophelia. Running across a meadow to a Scorpions ballad. Staring dreamily into each other's eyes. Slaying demons with the world's goofiest smiles on their faces.
 * The Ozzy-Osbourne-headed bat.
 * "DECAPITATIOOOOOOON!" is extremely funny the first time.
 * He only does it with the Love Giver guitar, but hearing him shout "POWERSLIIIIIIIIIIIDE~!" when he does a...well, Power Slide never fails to get a chuckle.
 * Killmaster, due to Kilmeister's deadpan delivery of pretty much everything.

(Bus is atacked en route to Drowning Doom territory) It's those Brides. I think they're giving us something blue.

(During the To The Slaughter mission): That's a hell of a bird you've got there, Eddie.

(attacked by Tainted Coil): Demon, I'm warning you!

(attacked by Drowning Doom): Fuck off, zombie!"

"Eddie (enemy avatar flees combat): Buk-buk-bukawk!
 * The Spider Queen line has a bonus CMOF. After he says it, the camera cuts back to Lars...while Eddie in the background has the most hilariously horrified look on his face.
 * It's a shame the unit chatter is often obscured by combat noise, because some units drop the funniest lines.

Headbanger: One point for you? I'm still ahead!

Headbanger: What a strange day, huh, fellas?

Headbanger (against Drowning Doom): That's for using a keyboard!

Headbanger: Eddie can take care of himself! What about helping me?!'

Headbanger: Who do you think is hotter: Lita or Ophelia?

Bouncer (near death): Must... Keep... Punching...

Screamwagon (when given an order): Like I give a shit.

Screamwagon (double team ends): Well, at least he talked to me. Which is more than I can say for you guys.

Screamwagon (double team): Can you help me? I was told I was signing up for a spa day!

Skull Raker (victory): What were they thinking?

Grave Digger (attacking Doviculus): You look like a fork!

Grave Digger (victory): Thank god, those guys were a pain!

Bride: (move order): Okay, let's walk in order of height!"

"I'm the wiener, you're the bun, get over here and lets have fun.
 * Some good Eddie lines:

Everything in that general direction must die!

(Attacking a mortar operator) Hey! Knock it off with the cannon!

(Using the Face Melter) Bet you wished you wore a bib cause now you've got face all over your shirt!

(Using Bring It On Home) That pilot is gonna lose his job. (alternately: Oh no! The metal gods still use hydrogen!)

Come, morning sun and vanquish my enemies as I enjoy eggs and bacon!"

"Eddie: Dude, how about this? How about you take off your fucking diaper, lay down your little baby foo-foo, and GO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB???
 * This line here:

Mangus: Not cool, man! I wear this thing so I don't have to stop the bus to take a leak!"

"Eddie: *as "Girlfriend" is playing* I can fix anything...except THAT.
 * From the intro:

Guy: Metal is dead."

"Eddie: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CLIMB ON THAT, YOU STUPID MOTHER--*message appears asking if the player wants swearing censored or uncensored*--FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!"
 * And who could possibly forget this?

"Lars: What can we do with men who have known nothing but to bang their heads against a wall for their entire lives?
 * Lars being rather sceptical of Eddie's plan to recruit the Headbangers.

Eddie: (With tears in his eyes) We start a revolution, Lars. Now let us sound the battle cry!

Lars: You've been looking at my sword, haven't you?

Eddie: *glances downward quickly, then back up as Lars pulls out his sword*"


 * When you sneak up on the two Hair Bangers controlling the impalers in the Cleave of the Impalement, you can overhear them talking about their styling in terms of... "performance."
 * Putting Doviculus behind the mike in Stage Battles.