Liar Liar/Funny

"Mr. Allen: I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!
 * "The pen is blue! The pen is blue! The goddamn pen is blue!".
 * "Write it! Write it or I'll break it off!"
 * "I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and Speeediiing!!
 * "It was Meeee!"
 * The roast of the board.

Fletcher: Good! I'll see you later - DICKHEAD!"

"Judge: Who did this?
 * Fletcher's fight with himself in the bathroom; if nothing else, for this exchange:

Fletcher: A MADMAN, your honor! A desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope!

Judge: What did he look like?

Fletcher: (Beat) About 6'2, 180 pounds, big teeth, kind of gangly."

"Man: What the hell are you doing?!
 * In middle of the said self-inflicted beatdown, when another man walks on him:

Fletcher: I'm kicking my AAAAASS! DO YOU MIND?!"

"Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
 * "STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!"
 * Some people cheered in the theater when this line was delivered - a sore point re: the practice of law?
 * This exchange:

Judge: Why?

Fletcher: Because it is devastating to my case!

Judge: Overruled.

Fletcher: Good call!"

"Fletcher: (approaching witness with paper) Mrs. Cole (crumples up paper) A goose!!"
 * "Some idiot's hijacked a flight of stairs!" Not a statement you hear very often...
 * From the bloopers:

""I object!"
 * "The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew-- IS IRRELEVANT."
 * "Short, shriveled and always to the left!"
 * "Thats because you have big jugs! I mean your boobs are huge! I mean, I want to squeeze them....mama!" Cut to the next scene, where he's been punched in the face.
 * Also, the sequence in the court where he keeps objecting to himself.
 * HERE SHE COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAY !!!

"You would!"

"Over actor!"

"JEZ-E-BEL!""

- "Oh no! They're onto me!"

"Kenneth: So all we've got to do is lie, that seems simple enough.
 * This exchange:

Fletcher: DOESN'T IT?!"

"Greta: Is that justice?
 * Fletcher's secretary told him she's upset that her friend got sued by a burglar who got injured trying to break in. His lawyer got the guy a six thousand dollar settlement.

Fletcher: No. (Beat) I'd have got him ten."


 * "HOLY HELL!"