Almost Famous/Funny

"Drummer: "Fuck it, I'm GAY!" (Absolute silence)
 * William's mother kinda freaks people out.
 * "DON'T TAKE DRUGS!"
 * "Rock stars have kidnapped my son."
 * It's the female student writing that down in her notes that really sells it.
 * "That's right, leave me behind. I'm easy to forget. I'm only the FUCKING lead singer!"
 * "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!"
 * Plus the subsequent "I'm on drugs!"
 * Then the next day ... "I hurt the flower." "You hurt the flower? That's nice, let's go."
 * And this famous gem:

Pilot: "I think we're gonna get out of this alive! Sweet relief! Oh, sweet relief-!" (Drummer slowly shuts door)"

"Jeff: "Rock 'n' Roll can change the world"? "The chicks are great"? I sound like a dick!
 * This troper thought that it was even funnier because those 4 words are the only thing the drummer says in the entire movie.
 * Also, the incredible egotism of the musicians thinking that they ARE going to die. They make such a big deal out of a little turbulence from a little electrical storm and, oh, god forbid, they're going to make an unscheduled landing in a FIELD. (Obviously they've got another celebrity's death in mind.)
 * It's justified, though - the pilots think they're going to die.
 * Stillwater's reaction to William's article, especially its lead singer:

Russell: *To himself* You are a dick.

Jeff: Is it that hard to make us look cool?!

Drummer: Russell, this kid's got you tripping on acid, standing on some fan's rooftop screaming "I am a Golden God."

Russell: Wait a minute, I never said I was a Golden God.... Or did I?..."

"Anita: FECK you!
 * William's mother and sister have trouble seeing eye to eye:

Will's mother: *Beat* Hey!

Anita: This is a house of lies! *Slams the door*

Will's mother: Well. Your sister said the F word.

Will: I think she said "Feck".

Will's mother: What's the difference?

Will: The letter "u"."

"William Miller: Russell. Jeff. Ed. Larry. I really love your band. I think the song "Fever Dog" is a big step forward for you guys. I think you guys producing it yourselves, instead of Glyn Johns, was the right thing to do. And the guitar sound... is incindiary. Incendiary. Way to go. [He turns to leave. The band members regard one another for a moment]
 * On Will meeting Stillwater:

Russell Hammond: Well, don't stop there!

Jeff: Yeah, come back here! I'm incendiary, too, man!"

"Russell: You, Aaron, are what it's all about. You're real. Your room is real. Your friends are real. Real, man, real. *Flips the room's light switch on and off* You know? Real. You're more important than all the silly machinery.... silly machinery, and you know it! In eleven years its going to be 1984, man, think about that!
 * Russell discovers some real Topeka people:

Aaron: Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake?

Russell Hammond: Yes."

"Young Will: I look so much younger than everyone else [in my class].
 * Michael Angorano's performance as young William is just all kinds of awesome:

Elaine: Enjoy it while you can.

Anita: Mom, it's time.

Elaine: Can this wait til we get home?

Anita: Mom. Pull over. Tell him the truth- tell him how old he is.

Elaine: *Pulls over* He knows how old he is.

Anita: The other kids make fun of him because of how young he looks. Nobody includes him; they call him "The Narc" behind his back.

Will: They do?

Elaine: What's a narc?

Anita: A narcotics officer.

Elaine: *Beat* Well, what's wrong with that?

Will: C'mon, you guys. It's no big deal. I'm twelve. She skipped me a grade- big deal, I'm a year younger. They're thirteen, I'm twelve. *Silence* Aren't I?

Elaine: I also put you in first grade when you were five and never told you.

Will: ...So I'm how old?

Elaine: You're eleven!

Will: *Beat* Eleven?

Elaine: So you skipped fifth grade! There's too much padding in the grades, I taught elementary school-

Will: ELEVEN?! *Sighs* This... explains... so much.

Anita: You've robbed him of an adolescence!

Elaine: *Scoffs* Adolescence is a marketing tool.

Anita: *To Will* Honey, I know you were expecting puberty but you're just going to have to shine it on for a little while."

"Elaine: May I speak with William, please?
 * This phone conversation with Elaine and Sapphire:

Sapphire: He's not here. He's down in the bar with the band. They just got back from the radio station. Is this Maryann with the pot? (Beat) Hello?

Elaine: No, this is not Maryann with the pot. This is Elaine. His mother. Could you please give him a message for me? Could you tell him to call home immediately? And could you also tell him - I Know What's Going On.

Sapphire: All right. But I'm just going to say this, and I'm going to stand by it: you should be really proud of him. 'Cause I know men, and I'll bet you do too. And he respects women, and he likes women, and let's just pause and appreciate a man like that. I mean, you created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, he's having a great time, he's doing a good job, and don't worry - he's still a virgin. And we're all looking out for him. And that's more than I've ever even said to my own parents, so there you go... This is the maid speaking, by the way."