British Newspapers/Quotes

"I think the papers are making the country a worse place to live, don't you feel like that? Just the unremitting horror of the Daily Express; they might as well get rid of news and just have every day, "DON'T GO OUTSIDE! It's full of queers, blacks and crime! Oh if only Diana was here!" They're all the same: the Daily Mail, every day, "ASBOs, Muslims, speed camera, speed camera, ASBOs, Muslims, speed cameras..."; the Sun: "Are you a paedo!? Are you a paedo!? Have a bang at her tits, 16 today, are you a paedo!?". The Independent, you try and read it, it's like it's grabbing you by the throat: "ARE YOU RECYCLING?! ARE YA?! YOU'VE JUST KILLED A POLAR BEAR, YOU!". All the while, The Guardian's in the corner, fanning itself with a wall-chart: "You silly little things. Tell 'em, Telegraph."; "CRICKEET! CRICKEEET!" It's too much!"

- Russell Howard, Mock the Week (now available in Doctor Who flavour)

"Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country, The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country, The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country, The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country, The Financial Times is read by people who own the country, The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country, and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?

Bernard: Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."

- Yes Minister

""You cannot hope to bribe or twist - thank God! - the British journalist. But, seeing what the man will do unbribed, there's no occasion to.""

- Humbert Wolfe, poet and civil servant.

""You have mosquitoes, we have journalists.""

- Prince Phillip Windsor