Fill the Moon/Funny

""Saix remembered Xemnas had asked, a long time ago, if he would ever have pups. Saix had said he was unsure. Now, with this young girl clinging to his back, he made his decision...He was never whelping pups.""
 * Although this admittedly a somewhat meta example, the author's notes for each chapter are almost always comedy gold. They're a sort of Slice of Life style note, with the author snarking on her own work or commenting on a character's actions. Lampshade Hanging abounds, alongside tongue-in-cheek yaoi fangirlism, and sometimes, just pure and simple funny.
 * Senayax using Puppy Dog Eyes on Saix to make him give her a piggyback ride. The best part is Saix's internal monologue...

""Just so we're clear, I have washed my hands entirely of this." Xaldin stated to the other founding members, all of whom had gathered in the library. Vexen raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, knowing that his friend had a tendency to be a tad...hyperbolic. Xemnas sighed, and flipped a page in his book, knowing exactly what was worrying him. After all, he'd asked the man to do it, and he wasn't going to regret it. Even if it was a terrible thing to do.
 * Senayax needs to learn how to fight, right? So they teach her to throw knives. The best part? The one doing the teaching? Larxene. The Apprentices' reactions are quite justified...

Lexaeus tried not to laugh, understanding that Xaldin had...well, he had a myriad of reasons to be terrified of her, is all. Xigbar was laughing, probably having remembered a certain incident, one Xaldin absolutely refused to speak of. Zexion was deep in thought, or perhaps, like Xaldin had just finished doing, praying for a lack of casualties. Vexen closed his eyes, considering something for a moment.

"Did you leave anyone else down there?" He asked, while he scribbled something down in his journal. Xaldin shook his head, sitting in the chair Xigbar offered him. He managed a small smirk as he shook his head in amazement.

"Absolutely not. Vexen, who would I despise enough to do so?" He snorted. Vexen raised a thin eyebrow. He set his journal down and observed Xaldin, watching him as if his braids had turned to snakes.

"...So you left an incredibly impressionable young girl down there. Alone. With Larxene." He stated, stunned. The other realized this-and all of the other five men currently in the library all looked at each other suddenly, eyes immediately widening in terror. Xaldin closed his eyes, massaging his temples.

"Better her than I." He muttered. Vexen chuckled dryly, sliding the journal he'd been working on towards Zexion for him to examine. Xigbar shrugged, already utterly amused.

"It could turn out to be really funny, you know." He grinned wickedly. Lexaeus narrowed his eyes.

"Let's hope it doesn't." He paused. "For the sake of our genitalia." Xigbar raised his glass.

"Amen to that." He grumbled, downing his shot of whiskey."

""Hey, Vexen, how big is your cock?""
 * Oh god; speaking of, there's a scene in the next chapter that is literally Marluxia..erm...asking Vexen about his "size." What's best is literally the first thing Marluxia says to him...

"Vexen laid his head back and sighed. If he did end up...involved...with Marluxia, they needed to have a talk about the whole "enigmatic comments and then disappearing" nonsense."
 * Of course, it gets even better. Vexen basically short-circuits and Marluxia totally takes advantage of that to flirt with him. It's equal parts squee and funny.
 * Oh, and the end of the chapter is great; after Marluxia shows up in his room with Vexen buck-naked and basically tells him that Vexen shouldn't care about hearts and love him anyway and so on...

""Now! We shall investigate this! With bullets! For science!""
 * The entire Hundred Acre Wood chapter is a Funny Moment. However, some of the best examples are probably anything that emphasizes just how trigger-happy Xigbar can be..

""THE CAKE IS NOT SPECIAL!" She screamed, slamming her hands down on the table as she stood up. Xigbar and Xaldin froze. "YOU! YOU AND YOUR SHINY, HAPPY, SILLY GOSHDARNED PLACE! ALWAYS! IT IS ALWAYS BEES! TO HECK WITH THIS SILLY PLACE! I DISLIKE IT VERY MUCH! I DISLIKE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH! GOSH DARNED SHINYHEADS! ALL OF YOU! I STRONGLY DISLIKE YOUR SHINY HAPPY!""
 * This troper almost cried from laughing at that scene.
 * Senayax's little rant towards Pooh Bear and friends is a tiny Beware the Nice Ones gem. When she snaps--after about two hours of being subject to the Sugar Bowl that is the Hundred Acre Wood--it is magnificent.

""THEY TOOK MY FUCKIN' ACCENT!" Senayax screamed. Xemnas jumped, and looked at the tiny girl standing in the doorway. "That fuckin' stupid fuckin' place fuckin' took my fuckin'...fuckin'...man, I'm fuckin' glad I can fuckin' say that fuckin' word again...fuckin' accent. Those fuckin' fuckers fuckin' took it. Fuckin' stupid fuckin' bear." She grumbled angrily. Xemnas set his book down, and managed not to raise an eyebrow at the sudden stream of curses.
 * The fact that it is all a cover for what would have, in any other world, been a Cluster F-Bomb makes the whole scene funnier, in a Noodle Incident sort of way.
 * And then Senayax does pull off a Cluster F-Bomb in what is both a Moment of Awesome for her and a series-wide Funny Moment:

"I take it you didn't like the Hundred Acre Wood." He said dryly."

""Hey Vexen, what does it mean when someone tries to eat your face off with their lips?""
 * The entirety of the next few chapters' crowning moments of funny can be summed up with one line:

"''Senayax padded down to Xaldin's room and knocked politely on the door. He promptly opened it and raised an eyebrow at her extravagant outfit. "Hey, kiddo. Are you sure you can walk in that...getup?" He said, slightly amused. She laughed."
 * Senayax's utter naivete about sex is played for initial laughs, considering she is surrounded by a castle filled almost entirely with gay men. There are times where she simply does not understand why Marluxia and Vexen want some "alone time," or that "screwing someone into the bed" does not involve screwdrivers.
 * The best example would probably be in chapter 26, just at the end; right after being unceremoniously shooed from Marluxia and Vexen's room so they can have some of the aforementioned "alone time..."

"Ahuh! Marluxia said I had to make sure everyone was all prettylike for the tea party. And...and then there was a thud. In th' room, I mean. So I kind of figured I should go." She muttered. Xaldin closed his eyes, shaking his head in amused disgust."

"They're busy right now." He muttered in annoyance. She tilted her head, realizing that it had been approximately the third time that sort of 'busy' had come up in conversation.''

"With what?" She was already wrinkling her nose at the puzzling idea. Luxord had come up beside Xaldin and snorted in amusement as he shuffled his cards. Xaldin was still staring at her, running that through his mind on repeat, trying to comprehend it.''

"I'll say it again, love, we're possibly the two worst people to ask. Mostly because silvertongue here's just gonna stare at ya and try to figure out the most delicate way to put it, an' I'll be too frank and put you in the hospital forever." He stated flatly. Senayax wrinkled her nose."

"If it's so bad, shouldn't someone tell the Superior? What if they get hurt?" Senayax put her fist to her mouth, a shocked expression on her face. "Oh god, I left them alone and they're gonna get hurt! It'll be all my fault! I'M COMIN', GUYS!" She shrieked, as she tore right back for their room, leaving Xaldin to gawk. Luxord sighed.''"

""Superior, I'm really not sure you should let anyone explain this to her." Roxas said, shaking his head. Xemnas blinked.''
 * Roxas' little rant after Senayax comes to ask him and Axel about "whatever everyone else was talking about" is probably one of the best moments from a surprisingly Deadpan Snarker-esque Roxas in the series.

"Oh, Roxas? And what worries you about that?" He asked. Roxas sighed."

"I'll tell you what I told her. Everyone here is god damn insane. Xigbar would totally scar her for life, Xaldin would launch into a ridiculously long soliloquy that she'd fall asleep through, Vexen would probably quash any hint of libido she might develop with the powers of science or whatever, Lexaeus I might trust, but he'd probably feel terrible when he ended up having everyone else tell her differently and she'd keep coming back to him for answers, Zexion for obvious reasons-oh don't give me that look, Superior, we all know he's totally interested in her-Saix knows about as much as she does, except for what you've taught him-" Xemnas made to interrupt, but in a rare gesture of annoyance and defiance, Roxas held up his hand. It shocked Xemnas enough that he did indeed keep quiet."

"I'm not done. Axel would, well, just look at him-Demyx learned everything from Xigbar, and he's so damn peppy and cheerful about it, so she'd turn into a horrific age-bending sex maniac, god help us all, Luxord obviously can't tell her, no one let her ask Marluxia, and Larxene would probably just give her a pair of handcuffs and some sedatives." He muttered darkly. Xemnas could only stare.""


 * The best part is that's the Superior Roxas is yelling at. Even better? Xemnas is dressed in what the author describes as "Jay Gatsby with a straw boater hat." The mental picture is just the icing on the cake.

"'"All right, you rotten little bastard, she's MINE. No one else's! She sleeps in my bed, she uses my bathtub, and she kisses me! You have no chance! Now stop trying to bite me!" Zexion snarled at the little Shadow, slamming his book on the table and glaring down at the minuscule Heartless. Then he realized everyone else was staring at him in a mixture of bemusement and shock. Senayax was muffling giggles, looking at Sunny Jim's utterly contemptous expression and Zexion's harried state with equal amusement. He glared at them all and flipped his hair, giving them a snort of contempt as he shut his book with a delicate snap.''"
 * The entire chapter involving the introduction of is hysterical. The chapter's normal third person format is interspersed with Zexion's diary entries, and his Deadpan Snarker tendencies get a chance to shine.
 * This troper's personal favorite is the fact that all the entries concerning Sunny Jim's arrival sound like an Apocalyptic Log until you realize Zexion is just possessive, which ultimately culminates in this:


 * It helps that Sunny Jim likes chewing on Zexion's leg. A lot.

""Okay, puppy, I forgot, doing something nice for someone is a bad thing. I guess you learned your lesson when you brought Xemnas that 'present'." He purred. Saix turned and snarled at him, and Xemnas actually fought back a smile.
 * A Running Gag throughout the series is that Xigbar kills anything that has to do with childhood innocence and wonder. Of course, since Kingdom Hearts is partially a Disney property, Bambi was going to have to come up at some point...

"Ohh. Hey Axel, what did he do?" Senayax piped up. Axel bit back more laugher, and sat down at the table again, head in his palms and elbows on the table as he began his story.

"Oh, our darling little puppy decided he was going to please his master one day, and since this was when Isa wasn't exactly housebroken," the berserker moved to punch Axel as he said this, but he caught Saix's fist and threw him back in Xemnas's lap, where he was cuddled close ferociously. "He decided to bring Xemnas home some 'spoils of the hunt' as it were, and if I recall correctly, it was a deer of some sort, a doe, I think..." He trailed off, as Demyx's eyes got wide.

"You guys killed Bambi's mom! You guys killed Bambi's mom!" He wailed, clutching Xigbar. "Xigbar, they killed Bambi's mom!" His lover snorted.

"Ohyeah, I remember that. That was a damn good dinner, too." He said thoughtfully, laughing as Demyx howled in anguish."

""So, it didn't go well?" Demyx said wryly. He certainly hadn't expected it to, but this was more than he'd bet on. Xigbar held up a piece of bloody peach cloth in response.
 * Xigbar's homicidal tendencies are brought up again in the Hundred Acre Wood chapter, although this one is more about The One That Got Away...

"Well, I did manage to get a skin 'donation' from the fat bastard bear, because I think that place has a horrible, horrible effect on us. I'm bringing it to Vexen for science. And then, I am going to burn it. Horribly. Then take the ashes and burn those." He snarled. Demyx's eyes widened.

"Oh my god, Xiggy! You killed Pooh Bear!" He wailed. He snorted in disdain.

"As if, I just ripped off some skin!" He snapped, then paused. "Woulda gotten the bastard's skull, too, but he moved.""

""DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM!" A familiar voice rang through the clearing, and as they all turned to find the source, there was a bright flash of yellow as a sunhat fell on the ground. Xemnas stared, jaw somewhere in the vicinity of his chest. Senayax had latched on to Sephiroth's head and was biting and kicking him with all her might. "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL EAT YOU ALL UP!" She roared, pulling his hair and hissing like a rabid animal."
 * One really, really good one that comes after the Hundred Acre Wood is She actually wins. Well, sort of...

"Ansem had used the words boisterous and handful. The King might've used the word insane."
 * Another one in that same chapter is how King Mickey remembers Braig.

""HIYA, GUYS!" Yuffie's familiar voice resounded through the kitchen, and there was a heavy thud against the roof before she burst through it.
 * Yuffie likes having other people remind her that There Was a Door...

"Hey, asshole, there was a door, yeh know." Cid reminded her. Yuffie groaned, and kicked some shingles out of her way.

"Hey, asshole, I'm the great ninja Yuffie. I don't use doors." She reminded him. Cid groaned."

"Xigbar stormed through the castle, trying to shake a persistent jellyfish off of his foot. "Squishy little motherfuckers." He grumbled murderously, grinding it on the floor. "Burn the fucking world."
 * Considering, funnily enough, that One Great Circle, (Fill the Moon's...rest-of-everything-that's-Mooniverse-canon), is Lighter and Softer than Fill the Moon (as of now, anyway, and after all, ), there are a lot more funny moments here. Of course, with eighty-five chapters and counting, it probably won't be Lighter and Softer for long...
 * There's a good one in the first chapter, once again relying on Xigbar's homicidal tendencies and Xemnas' love of putting him in the Sugar Bowl worlds to see what sort of carnage he'll wreak...

"I do believe it's twenty thousand leagues under the sea, Xigbar." Xaldin noted with amusement, wringing out his ponytail for him. Xigbar snarled.

"Burn it with a giant fucking squid then. One more mission like this and I will stuff my foot up Xemnas' ass, I am not even kidding." He hissed. Xaldin simply smiled. Xigbar huffed, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Whatever. I'm going to take a shower and get this salt and blood out of my hair." As he walked off, his words hit Xaldin full-force.

"What did you kill, Xigbar?" He called back. Xigbar snorted.

"Nothing! Me, kill? As if!" He replied, storming off for the shower.

Xaldin simply waited.

"Hey, that flounder was fuckin' asking for it.""


 * Of course, considering
 * Nope, he still hates it with a passion.

""Will you come back with me to my office, Saix? I have a few things I wish to discuss with you." Xemnas asked. Saix nodded enthusiastically and prepared to follow his master out of the kitchen. Then he heard the scrape of a chair being pushed back quickly, and he turned around to stare at cause of the sound.
 * And in the NEXT chapter comes with its own Funny Moment: considering Axel is basically a jealous boyfriend towards Saix, who has claimed Xemnas as his master, and, well...

"Lea? Are you all right?" Saix asked. His completely naive expression merely made the entire situation more amusing for the others, who simply watched to see what would happen. Axel snarled.

"No, Isa, I'm not all right. This rotten...bastard...thinks he can take advantage of you? Well he can fuckin' think again!" He roared. Saix opened his mouth to protest, but it was too late. Axel had already slammed his fist into Xemnas' face. As they all watched flames leap around his hand as he snarled epithets while pulling Saix towards him, there was silence for a second.

Then Lexaeus burst out laughing."

"Saix stifled a yawn as he greeted him. "Morning, Vexen." He murmured. "Are you all right? I was not expecting anyone awake as early as I am." Vexen shook his head.
 * Considering how much the author adores Vexen and the very ground he walks on, he gets a few of these digs in every so often. The fact that it concerns Xem/Sai is just icing on the cake.

"I'm quite all right, Saix. However, as I regret to inform you, I must be the bearer of bad news." He paused for dramatic effect; compared to Xaldin and Xemnas, Vexen got very little time in the spotlight, but when he played the role of the drama queen, he played it for all it was worth. Saix watched him, eyes wide with worry.

"It is about Xemnas, as I assume you've already deduced. The truth of the matter is, he has not been getting any sleep at all, and for about a fortnight before you arrived..." Vexen squelched a grin, knowing that if Xemnas found out what he was doing, he was screwed beyond all reasonable belief, "he had forsaken sleep to aid Zexion, Lexaeus, and I in our research." He sighed, rolling his eyes in exaggerated contemptous amusement. "You see, despite our bravest and most sincere efforts to convince him his sleep was of utmost importance, he demanded of himself all the time he could give for the good of the mission. You understand that, don't you, Saix?"

Saix's eye was twitching. Vexen smirked, knowing he'd won. However, as a small, personal, delightful schadenfreude, he purred, "If you catch him now, you might be able to stop him before he locks himself in the lab..."

Vexen was suddenly left staring at a door wrenched clean off of its' hinges and a lonely, abandoned cup of coffee sitting on the table. He took the cup and lifted it to his lips, attempting with a reasonable degree of sense to silence the wickedly gleeful laugh that had bubbled up into his mouth."

""As if to terrorize his poor, startled mind further, Saix slammed his claymore through the door and stormed through the massive hole created by the single swing of his sword. Xemnas didn't even have the mental capacity that early in the morning to realize that his companion and devoted partner had just ripped a hole through his door. All he knew was that Saix was safe.
 * The UST-filled rant that Saix gives Xemnas only seconds after is even better. The chapter is named after UST, for god's sake!

"Oh thank the gods," he whispered. "Saix, my pup, are you hurt?" His pet simply stared at him, eyes hardened to golden-shaded steel. Xemnas winced. All right, so now he had to play the role of the morning person. "I suppose I must make my rounds of the castle at any rate; you may rest, if you are still tired."

It was as if he'd told Saix he was going to stomp on kittens. His companion outright roared, throwing him back on the bed with disturbing ease. Xemnas stared up at him in shock as Saix hissed.

"Two weeks, my master." He snarled. "Two weeks of sleepless nights. Is that for the good of the mission, my master? Is you pushing yourself beyond your limits into exhaustion for anyone's good? No! No you are not making any rounds of this castle! You will stay in bed and I, as your devoted and everlastingly loyal companion and second-in-command, will be by your side, as I always am and always will be until my body and soul run dry! Now GET IN BED!"

Xemnas honestly had no clue what in god's name Saix meant by "two weeks of sleepless nights;" if anything, he'd been going to bed early. But one look at Saix's face told him arguing would be futile and most likely resulting in a few bites and scratches. (All of which Saix would apologize for, but Xemnas didn't want to put him in that position, all the same.)

So with a small sigh of defeat, he sunk back into the mattress, feeling Saix join him with a small growl of possessive fury before he was satisfied with Xemnas' spot on the bed. With a small whuff of delight, he pulled the blankets up over the both of them, tugged Xemnas gently but insistently into the proper sleeping position before he finally closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

As Xemnas stared up at Kingdom Hearts, his mind finally cleared enough for a moment for him to realize that he'd just been bossed around and fussed over by Saix. However, just as his mind was becoming sharp enough to find protests, he fell back asleep with Saix now curled protectively over him."

""Callin' them like I see them, doll." He said, trying to hide a smile at the sputters the other was failing to conceal under his breath. "Anyways, I have a few questions for you." He leaned in close; oh, oh so wonderfully close, sweet merciful Alexandria, Xaldin could not take the closeness-
 * is basically one big mangled Monty Python and The Holy Grail reference. It is also hysterical.

"What," he murmured, "is the weight of an unladen African swallow?"

Xaldin almost died.

With a start, he did his best to regain his senses, and replied, "I...am unaware." The blonde rolled his eyes, but there seemed to be a bit of affectionate disdain behind it. Xaldin did his best to try to wrestle back control of the situation. He puffed himself up slightly, showcasing his rippling muscles and thick, shimmering braids of hair as his indigo eyes flashed in the candlelight. "I am Xaldin, the Whirlwind Lancer and Number III in Organization XIII. I was sent here to find you and ask you to accompany me back to our castle within the World that Never Was." Luxord watched him for a long time.

"You bottom, don't you?" He asked, swilling his drink like nothing had happened.

If Xaldin had thought he'd had a near-death experience last time, that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now."

""You're not making this very easy on yourself." Belle remarked, tugging on the folds of the dress. Xaldin choked back a hysterical scream.
 * And yes, you read that correctly; Xaldin is indeed the Uke of the relationship. While this is justified and openly explored in-story, it does make for a jarring double take.
 * Speaking of Xaldin, the author's love for him often means he's stuck in the Butt Monkey situations. She's not sure how that works out either.
 * This troper's personal favorite is the He's just so naive about it at first, and getting

"I don't believe being pinned to the wall by my own lances and forced to try on dresses is something that can be made easy." He shot back, trying in vain, once again, to wriggle free. "How did you get to be such a good shot, anyway?" He demanded. Belle giggled.

"Well, for one, Gaston went into a lot of detail about his hunts; I just listened on occasion and did pick up some useful knowledge. Plus, daddy had a lot of books on every subject, and I had read them all!" She told him, cheerfully ruffling the fabric on a new sky-blue dress to see if it fit her criteria.

A lesser man might've outright wept at this point. Xaldin, thankfully, was not one of those men.

"Hey, I wonder if pink is your color...you know, blue eyes and all." She thought out loud, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

Even that was not enough to make him tremble.

"Oh, and I still have some makeup left over from when I came here!" Belle said, clapping her hands together. "This is gonna be fun!"

Xaldin felt a small piece of his soul wither away and die.""

""Come on, there's got to be someone! You know, tall and imposing jolly guy who looks good in red? We've got to have one of those lying around!" He snapped. Vexen snorted, stifling a laugh.
 * The Christmas special had a lot of Mood Whiplash. A bunch of tear Jerkers and C Mo Hs abounded, but there were a few funny moments too. Mostly when Vexen and Xigbar were discussing who they were going to "convince" (read:blackmail) to be Santa.

"Vincent?" He offered. Xigbar's jaw dropped.

"Aside from the fact that he is, quite possibly, the least jolly person I have ever met in my thirty-odd years of life, there is the tiny little fact that he has a golden claw for an arm, and has about four demons shacking up in his self-consciousness! Vincent is not only not going to be our Santa Claus, but I don't even know if Vincent could get within ten feet of him without making Santa one hell of an emotional wreck! What the hell possessed you to think of Vincent?" He roared. Vexen shrugged.

"He wears a red cape, does he not? Anyways, we're running out of ideas. Perhaps Cid? We could pay him back for making us do this in the first place." He grumbled. Xigbar shook his head, but the thought of the blonde pilot sparked an epiphany in him. He dropped his pen and grinned.

"I don't think the foul-mouthed amongst us are good Santa figures...but there's another blonde I'm thinking of. Looks good in red, deep, imposing voice, has a tendency to let little girls wrap him around their pinkie fingers..." He trailed off as Vexen raised an eyebrow. Xigbar's grin grew wider. "Oh come now, Even, you know him. You've heard him sing in the shower, haven't you?" He offered.

Vexen dropped his coffee. "You're joking." He said. "You're honestly joking."

Xigbar shook his head. "No, I'm not." He purred. "Do you still happen to have..." He whispered something into Vexen's ear; whatever it was, it made the scientist's cheeks flare crimson as he looked away and grumbled.

"So it's on?" Xigbar asked, leaning back in his chair. Vexen sighed, standing up and heading for his files.

"Indeed." He muttered. "Don't blame me if he puts you in a glass jar and experiments on you for the rest of your life, however, Braig." He shot back.

Xigbar was too busy laughing to care."

"He knew that smile. Familiarity was good, but he wasn't sure if he was ever really ready for the the familiarity of "I've just created a world-destroying death ray that operates on the tears of unicorns, can you help me plug it in?""
 * Ansem's later reaction is pretty funny as well. Vexen is the one breaking the news to him, and his initial thought at seeing his smirk is priceless.

""You are an asshole.""
 * We never do find out what Xigbar blackmails Ansem with, but considering the hints of "showing his wild side" and the fact that Xigbar calls them "unsafe for humanity" might say something quite a bit scandalous about the wise old king...
 * Oh, and Xemnas' only reaction to Xigbar blackmailing their father into being Santa?