Full Metal Panic!/Funny

"Sousuke [fires warning shot in the air]: I DEMAND A PLAIN ROLL!!"
 * Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu is rife with these, but the best is when Sousuke acquires lunch... with a gun.

"President Hayashimizu: So step off, 'cause you ain't got one chance in a billion, you loser bi-otch.
 * That whole episode was funny.
 * Oh come now, the Student Council President "translating" Sousuke's lines into street in the first episode. The President's deadpan delivery in the dub is priceless.

Sousuke: Your language skills are outstanding, Your Excellency!"

"Sousuke: ...mens' and womens' baths change at 10."
 * Also the slo-mo fight between Sousuke and a horde of Bond henchman knockoffs.
 * And the wacky chase scene with the nutso cop lady.
 * SPLASHrollrollrollWHAK!

"Sousuke: That would be dangerous."
 * Don't forget Sousuke's complete inability to play arcade shooter games: he runs out of ammo so pulls out a real gun and blows holes in the screen. But the punchline is, when asked why he didn't just reload by aiming and firing offscreen, he responds:

"Screen: GAME OVER
 * And his failure in playing a Dating Sim when he chose not to help the girl in the game shop for a swimsuit.

Sousuke: Wait! If you cut off negotiations from one side, it will become a war! Accept the negotiations, I'll listen to anything you have to say! We should compromise a little bit. [Beat] Where did Chidori and the others go?

Shinji: They gave up, I guess.

Sousuke: I don't understand, Why?"

"Sousuke: Why?!
 * That entire dating episode is hilarious.

Kaname: Hey, Sousuke!

Sousuke: Why attack by yourself when there are actors left over? Such an irrational decision. Why do you not draw the enemies to your territory, and then destroy them when their lines become spread out?!"

"Kaname: What an embarrassing way to be rescued.
 * It can be argued that Fumoffu itself THRIVES on this trope.
 * How come no one has mentioned the rugby episode of Fmmoffu? That episode was pure fun.
 * That episode was beautiful. It had Sousuke in a box, rugby team ass-kicking, and Sousuke's awesome and absolutely hilarious motivational training monologue, courtesy of a book from Mao.
 * Hell, the scene that really got this troper cracking up was when they were fleeing in Khanka and a chopper was chasing them. Sousuke promptly threw Kaname high in the air, blew the chopper with a well-thrown knife then turned back and caught her on the way down. Needless to say, upon realizing that she's out cold, Kurz remarks "Wait 'till she wakes up..."
 * And of course the final episode of The Second Raid where Kaname was about to dramatically enter the stage but Sousuke supposedly screwed it up by saying "Chidori, you're alive?!" Cue to her beating him up real good.
 * Sousuke leading a group of yakuza into a highly fortified enemy stronghold to rescue Kaname, he and his elite team using SWAT-style Close Quarters Battle tactics against the enemy... while wearing amusement park mascot costumes.

Rien: Do you think so?, I think they're cute."

"Tessa: I'm a submariner! In other words, getting wet is my business.
 * Not strictly part of the anime, but this review of FMP contains the most eloquent summary of Sousuke's attitude towards his captain at 6:00.
 * The smoke bomb scene is hilarious too.
 * Most of Gates lines apply, but I especially favor, "I wasn't planning on killing any Mithril today, but shit happens."
 * Also the entire opening of the 2nd Raid OAV when a half-asleep, half-naked Tessa wanders in on Sousuke while he's running an AS combat simulation with Al and mistakenly think's she's still asleep and having an Erotic Dream. Sousuke panics and Al's comments don't exactly help.
 * Also, "...tango...?"
 * There's that scene where Kaname performs the Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex hold on Sousuke when he forgot her notes. And the subsequent mission that followed... all to obtain a notebook.
 * Any scene involving the Police Lady's involvements with Sousuke. Especially in her fight with Bonta-kun!Sousuke, someone was having a little too much fun.
 * Tessa explaining her credentials:

Kaname: Ooh. Poor choice of words."

"Al: In that case, please install me in a Trans-Am."
 * In the epilogue of Always Stand By Me, Sousuke and Al have been recovered from Merida by US Marines are are currently being held at Okinawa, pending transport to the continental US. What's left of Uruz Team assembles to break him out... and then before their plan goes into action, Sousuke breaks himself and Al's computer box out of the base, and swaps cars with the rescue team, heading to Tokyo. Everyone stands still, dumbfounded... before remembering that they have to get lost now, as angry Marines start chasing them. Al requests for a new body, and Wraith angrily berates him, saying there's no budget, prompting Al's next request:


 * "Don't worry everything is gonna happy."
 * An episode of the anime that Lt. Clouseaux was watching in the Full Metal Panic!: The Second Raid OVA featured a Underwater Kiss... until Kurz got a hold of them and replaced them with footage of two pigs kissing. Clouseaux was NOT amused.
 * At the end of Kaname and Sousuke's haircut scene to prevent herself from kissing Sousuke while he was sleeping Kaname shoves his head under the tap. "Well, then I'll wash your hair!"
 * The scene where a half naked half asleep Tessa encounters Sousuke in the submarine.
 * Flirting 101 Chidori Style
 * Probably the funniest part of that scene is the final line of Kaname's Motor Mouth spiel: "In other words, you need to act like Kurz!"
 * In the final episode of The Second Raid, Sousuke plays the straight man to his own mecha. They both agree the mecha is the funnier of the two.