Portal (series)/Funny

There is a Funny page for Portal 2. Please add examples from that game there, not here.

""Deploying surprise in 5, 4 -- *clunk* -- time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise; I've never seen it before. Never mind, it's a mystery I'll solve later...by myself. Because you'll be dead."
 * The lyrics to "Still Alive", the song that GLaDOS sings over the end credits.
 * "As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. When the testing is over, you will be... missed!"
 * "Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit and I said "Goodbye!" and you were like "" and then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you?" That was great..."
 * And the final battle with GLaDOS, particularly before you incinerate her Morality Core:

"Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?"

"That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it."

"I'll tell you what that thing isn't: it isn't yours. So leave it alone."

"Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room? Trust me, leave that thing alone."

"You are kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing-We-Don't-Know-What-It-Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing that -- whoa,, ', '..."

"That thing you burned up isn't important to me, it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice Job Breaking It, Hero.""

""Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on. That's you! That's how dumb you sound!"
 * And after the core was burned wasn't too bad, either.

[warping groan] "You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is…" [pulsing static] "… . IN BASE FOUR. I'm fine!""

""The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck. However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized."
 * Though this may sound like Internet Heresy, only a few never really took a shine to the Companion Cube. As a result -

"I immediately dump the Cube in the incinerator"

"You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.""

"You should have gone left before -- it's funny actually when you think about it. Someday we'll remember this and laugh. And laugh. And laugh.
 * Sadly, GLaDOS says that no matter how long you take.
 * The curiosity core. "What's that? What is that? Ooo, that thing has numbers on it! Ewww, what's wrong with your legs? Is that a gun? Where are you taking me? Oh hey, you're the lady from the test! Hi! Do you smell something burning?" Yes, little core, I do.

Hooooooh boy."


 * GLaDOS sums up conservation of momentum: "In Layman's Terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out."
 * "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party. That all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends, because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file. "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned." Shall Not Be Mourned. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny too."
 * "You're not a scientist! You're not a doctor! You're not even a full-time employee!"
 * "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."
 * The cake recipe.
 * Turret:
 * One of the achievements is using one turret to take out another turret. They say some of the cutest things when they bump into one another.