Van Helsing

Rule #1 of action movies: Hugh Jackman makes anything awesome.

At least, that's the theory behind Van Helsing (2004), which stars Jackman as fabled vampire hunter Van Helsing. In this incarnation, he works as an agent of the Knights of the Holy Order in the Vatican to hunt down monsters and other abominations. Aiding him is Friar Carl, a slightly irreverent tinkerer and inventor that supplies him with the speciality equipment and comic relief he needs to take down the creatures of the night.

Yeah. It's just that kind of movie.

Van Helsing and Friar Carl are sent to Transylvania to help the last of the Valerious family, Anna and her brother Velkan, destroy Dracula - because if they don't, several generations of the family will never get to heaven. Once there, Van Helsing finds himself facing down Dracula and his brides, werewolves, and even Frankenstein's creation in the course of his mission - and discovering a few secrets about his own past, with plenty of Universal Horror / Hammer Horror Shout Outs along the way.

A reboot is currently in the works, to possibly be written by the writing team behind the Transformers Film Series.

This movie contains examples of:
"Anna: What do you want?
 * Actor Allusion: Kate Beckinsale's character hunts vampires and Hugh Jackman's character turns into a werewolf.
 * Adaptational Badass: One of the entire points to making the film was to reinvent the Van Helsing character into a younger, action hero-type.
 * For those who know Dracula, but not Stoker's Dracula: The original Abraham van Helsing was an Omnidisciplinary Scientist who spoke comically broken English. He was well built, but getting on in years, and did not perform any notable act of physical skill; he was purely The Smart Guy.
 * Affably Evil: Dracula is surprisingly pleasant and polite for a bloodsucking hellbeast.
 * Alternative Foreign Theme Song: The Japanese version uses "Wild Romance" by Kyosuke Himuro.
 * And Then John Was a Zombie: Oh, look, vampires are weak to werewolves. Looks like Van Helsing has a new way to make Dracula Deader Than Dead.
 * Angel Unaware: The title character is implied to be this, due to repeatedly being referred to by Dracula as "Gabriel".
 * Van Helsing also early on mentions to Carl that he remembers fighting Romans at Masada in 72 AD.
 * The Novelisation actually downright confirms this. Van Helsing is mentioned as having two large disfiguring scars between his shoulder blades, right where wings would be. The scars would seem to imply they were forcibly torn out.
 * Animated Adaptation: The London Assignment, a prequel to the movie.
 * Arch Enemy
 * Armor-Piercing Question: Anna manages to cut off Frankenstein's monster in mid-rant:

Frankenstein's Monster: ...To exist."

"Velkan: I would rather die than help you!
 * Artistic License History: The Valerious family seem to be simultaneously descended from Romanian nobility and Gypsys. Given the general attitude towards Gypsys at the time that's an extremely unlikely combination.
 * Not necessarily, as it doesn't say they were legitimate, so possibly pretty Gypsy girl caught the eye of a Romanian noble...
 * Artistic License Religion: Van Helsing must kill Dracula to prevent the Valerious family from "passing into Purgatory" and never reaching Heaven. Yeah, except that, according to Catholic dogma, passing into Purgatory means eventually ending up in Heaven.
 * The movie states that they would be stuck in Purgatory forever, because of a special deal the original Valerious made.
 * Art Shift: A prequel was released that showed Van Hellsing's encounter with Mr. Hyde that was referred to in the opening scene of the movie, it is also an animated cartoon.
 * Attack! Attack! Attack!: Anna has this. Her idea of a sensible solution when confronted with a horde of vampires is to grab a mace that was mounted on the wall, brandish it, and start to throw herself into the horde. Fortunately, Van Helsing is there to drag her out of harm's way.
 * Audible Sharpness: werewolf claws extend with a Wolverine-like SNIKT.
 * Automatic Crossbows: Van Helsing wields a gas-powered automatic gatling-style crossbow.
 * Badass: The werewolves.
 * Badass Longcoat: Dracula and Van Helsing.
 * Barbie Doll Anatomy: The vampires when in monster mode, have no nipples and genitalia on their seemingly nude bodies.
 * Justified in that all the creatures that transform have their clothes transform too. The lone exceptions are
 * Bat Out of Hell: Dracula and his brides turn into flying bat... things.
 * Good grief, Humanoid Bats.
 * Beauty Is Never Tarnished: Any flesh wounds the vampires sustain heal pretty much instantly. Although this is averted when they die and shrivel up.
 * Belly Dancer: Marishka certainly dresses like one, though she kind of gets killed before we see much of her.
 * Between My Legs: The framing of Van Helsing in his first meeting with Anna.
 * And that one moment during the following action scene when he is almost speaking with her special friend.
 * Big Badass Werewolves
 * Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Dracula's brides.
 * Bodyguard Babes: The Brides.
 * Captain Ersatz: This probably fits under a different trope, but this movie is very, very Castlevania. Namely when Dracula turns into a bat-demon (cue Dance of Illusion).
 * Captain Obvious: "You're choking me!" Gee, Anna, was the choke hold he had on your neck your first clue?
 * Captive Date: Dracula takes Anna to his masquerade ball and forces her to dance with him while waiting for Van Helsing to arrive. No ropes used, but it's clear he's using some kind of mind control or muscle control.
 * Carrying the Antidote: There's a very good reason why Dracula carries the antidote for lycanthropy. No good reasons why he doesn't just annihilate all the werewolves.
 * Dracula . Before Frankenstein's Monster, he really did need at least one alive.
 * Plus, they make useful servants. A lot of people keep dogs despite the fact that there is a slim chance of said dog turning and attacking them.
 * What's more, useful servants who have to obey his every command. They're no threat to him
 * Chekhov's Gun: The Light Bomb.
 * Chewing the Scenery: "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
 * Christianity Is Catholic: The Knights of the Holy Order supposedly encompass monster-hunters of all religions... but it's housed in the Vatican and run by Catholic priests. You do, however, see Buddhist monks, mullahs, and some other clergymen in the "base".
 * Coat, Hat, Mask: Van Helsing sports these for his intro shot, but quickly ditches the mask.
 * Confessional: Van Helsing meets his superior in one of these.
 * Cool Versus Awesome:
 * Costume Porn: All three brides. Also, the masquerade ball.
 * The Creepy Undertaker: The one in the village who greets Van Helsing.
 * Cross-Melting Aura: Dracula.
 * Dark and Troubled Past: Van Helsing might be an angel, might be Dracula's protegé, might be Wolverine in an earlier incarnation. Dracula knows him, though. We just never find out how.
 * Dark Is Not Evil: Van Helsing, Frankenstein's monster, even Anna could count.
 * Deader Than Dead
 * Deadpan Snarker: Van Helsing and Dracula both get their share of moments.
 * Deliberately Monochrome: The opening scenes, in an homage to old monster movies of the 1930s and 40s.
 * Designated Girl Fight: Anna was destined to kill Dracula. She whales on his brides instead.
 * Died Happily Ever After:
 * Dirty Old Monk: Friar Carl.
 * Don't Touch It, You Idiot!: "If there's one thing I've learned, it's never be the first to stick your hand into a viscous material."
 * Dracula
 * Every Car Is a Pinto: ... including horse-drawn carriages loaded with wooden stakes and explosive charges. That are on fire.
 * Justified as the carriage in question was meant to be a 19th century equivalent to car bomb.
 * Everything's Better with Princesses: Why else would she be Princess Anna Valerious? Even the vampires call her that.
 * And, you know, the thing about her father being king of the gypsies.
 * Evil Gloating: Dracula... oh, so very much.
 * Evil Redhead: Aleera.
 * Exposition of Immortality: Van Helsing remembering fighting the Romans in 73 A.D and also Dracula introducing himself as born 1422, murdered 1462. The film's set in 1888.
 * Fan Service: You've got Hugh Jackman, and shirtless, suffering Velkan for the ladies, and Anna (Kate Beckinsale) & the Brides for the men. And, of course, the Monster Mash premise is probably meant as fanservice of a non-sexual sort.
 * Fantastic Catholicism
 * Faux Action Girl: Anna Valerious, through and through. See that page for more details.
 * More a case of Overshadowed by Awesome. Yes, Anna doesn't fare too well against superstrong werewolves and vampires, but she's just a normal if athletic human with a sword. Van Helsing... isn't.
 * Considering that she's been raised from birth to fight vampires and the like, it's truly a wonder how she lasted so long.
 * Fight Off the Kryptonite: Dracula vs. Crucifix. It's a tie, really. He screams, it melts.
 * Fingore: Van Helsing tells Anna to cut off one of Igor's fingers if he should fail to comply. She clearly has slightly more esoteric targets in mind...
 * Five-Bad Band:
 * The Big Bad - Vladislaus Dracula
 * The Dragon - Verona, then Aleera takes over when she dies.
 * The Evil Genius - Igor
 * The Brute - The Wolf Man
 * The Dark Chick - All the three brides.
 * Five-Man Band:
 * The Hero - Gabriel Van Helsing.
 * The Lancer/The Smart Guy - Friar Carl.
 * The Chick - Anna Valerious.
 * The Big Guy/The Sixth Ranger - Frankenstein's Creature.
 * Franchise Killer: There were plans to launch a spinoff TV series, Transylvania, but they were scrapped in light of the lower-than-expected box office and mostly bad reviews.
 * Frankenstein's Monster: A very steampunk incarnation.
 * Fur Against Fang: Apparently, the only thing in the known universe that can kill Dracula is a werewolf.
 * Gadgeteer Genius: Friar Carl.
 * Genre Savvy: Friar Carl again. Also Dracula and Van Helsing himself from time to time.
 * Genre Savvy: Friar Carl again. Also Dracula and Van Helsing himself from time to time.

Dracula: Ooh, don't be boring. Everyone who says that dies."

"Dracula: Remember, Igor. Do unto others...
 * Ghost Butler: Averted - Van Helsing makes a point to knock every single door in Dracula's castle off its hinges to prevent this.
 * Glamour Failure: Dracula vs. Mirror. Point goes to the mirror.
 * The Golden Rule: Averted, it's another rule the one Igor lives by.

Igor: ...Before they do unto me, master."

"Carl: Here, take this.
 * Grappling Hook Pistol: Van Helsing used this to escape Frankenstein's castle.
 * Haunted Castle: Big time.
 * Hereditary Curse: The Valerious family is bound by a curse that keeps them from entering into Heaven until Dracula is killed. This is the result of a vow taken by a distant ancestor.
 * Hey, It's That Guy!: Even as Igor Beni still finds it hard to believe that he'll get his.
 * Hoist by His Own Petard: The Transylvanian village that has the unfortunate location to be closest to Dracula's castle has a really creepy gravedigger that is eventually killed by Velkan in his werewolf form. Upon dying, he rolls into the grave he was digging.
 * Holy Hand Grenade
 * Horrible Judge of Character: What's wrong, Dr. Frankenstein - you actually thought that Dracula had altruistic intentions for your creations?
 * Hot Gypsy Woman: Anna, the Gypsy princess.
 * Howl of Sorrow: does this in his werewolf form after . It morphs into a Big No as he transforms back into a human.
 * The Igor: Pretty much required here.
 * I Have You Now, My Pretty: Dracula has absolutely no problem molesting Anna while the audience waits for Van Helsing to make his big damn entrance.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun: A woman, alone at night, needs some sort of defense to protect herself. What does she grab? Mace. Well, a mace, but you get the idea.
 * Indecisive Parody: Okay, you are either an Affectionate Parody, a straight parody, or a Massive Multiplayer Crossover. Pick one.
 * It's Going Down: Unusually, the windmill is toast at the beginning.
 * It's What I Do: The entire reason Igor gives for why he likes torturing things.
 * Just Between You and Me: Aleera has a big mouth.
 * Large Ham:
 * Dracula is contractually required to be like this.
 * Frankenstein's monster is no slouch either.
 * Neither are the vampire brides.
 * Velkan hams it up the best he can in the few scenes where
 * Lecherous Licking: A Lesbian Vampire licks Anna's face with her very long tongue.
 * Lesbian Vampire: The Brides of Dracula display some notable lesbian tendencies, especially Brides Verona and Aleera. Marishka might have shown some too, if she'd lasted longer. Aleera is bisexual and seems very interested in Anna.
 * Light Is Not Good: All three of Dracula's brides dress in flowing white dresses but they turn into batlike harpies to signify just how badass they are.
 * Lover Not a Fighter: Friar Carl, who justifies his Rescue Nookie with a random townswoman because he's not a monk and therefore not bound by any vows of celibacy.
 * Made of Explodium: To be fair, the carriage was rigged to go boom.
 * Made of Iron: Van Helsing and Anna. Comes in handy when you're being thrown through buildings.
 * Magic Countdown: That clock is striking twelve for at least three minutes...
 * Magic Pants: Standard issue on all werewolves. (In the DVD commentary they note that originally Hugh Jackman was naked but test audiences found it too distracting so they added CGI pants.)
 * Man On Fire: This happens to Dracula three times.
 * The werewolf once, once to SIX dwergers, and
 * This trope was abused to the point where it started Necro Critic's famous Burning Man Count running gag.
 * Masquerade Ball
 * Massive Multiplayer Crossover
 * Modular Franchise: This movie tried to ride on the success of Sommers' remake of The Mummy 1999.
 * Monster Mash
 * More Dakka:

[he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it]

Carl: Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...

[they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun]

Van Helsing: Why can't I have one of those?"

"Minor: Dracula and his brides can all turn into harpy-like humanoid bat creature.
 * Motivational Kiss: When Van Helsing and Anna split up before the climactic battle, he to face down Dracula and she to retrieve the werewolf cure serum.
 * Mr. Fanservice: Every single male character in this movie except Frankenstein's Monster.
 * Ms. Fanservice: Like her male counterpart, any female presences especially Anna and the Brides.
 * Mythology Gag: Guess how Universal killed off Dracula in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
 * Never a Self-Made Woman
 * Nice Hat: Come on!
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: An Angel Werewolf Vampire-Hunter in a Badass Longcoat whose sidekick is a Sexually Active Swearing Friar Who Designs Turn-of-the-Century Anti-Vampire Hand Grenades. Booyah.
 * No Indoor Voice: FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER!!!
 * No Ontological Inertia: When Hyde's arm was cut off, it turned into Jekyll's arm. Helsing has a reputation as a serial killer because so many of the monsters he kills turn into human corpses.
 * Killing Dracula causes anything created by him to die.
 * Of Corsets Sexy: Anna Valerious. That is all.
 * One-Winged Angel:

Major: Dracula's demonic form is only fully revealed for the final battle. Its the same as his brides only darker and less human features."

""Now that it is, as you put it... A triumph. Of science. OVER GOD!!!!! ...""
 * Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Kate Beckinsale's ambiguously Eastern European accent can't seem to hold up for more than a few minutes at a time.
 * Our Vampires Are Different: Somewhat, they can shift from monster to human forms and can reproduce. As Helsing states, since they're undead their offspring would be stillborn. Thus the need for energy from a supernatural source (i.e: werewolves or Frankenstein's Monster) to bring them to life.
 * Dracula himself seems to operate under different rules, as he himself can't be killed via a stake through the heart, because he has no heart. Crosses also burst into flame around him, and he can transform into an even bigger batlike demon.
 * Our Werewolves Are Different: When they transform, they can rip the skin of their former human selves as if it were clothes, and can be controled by a vampire if their will power isn't strong enough.
 * Overshadowed by Awesome: Anna.
 * Pimped-Out Dress: Anna at the Masquerade Ball. Deleted scenes show Aleera gets one too.
 * Pivotal Wakeup: Dracula.
 * Portal Picture
 * Prehensile Tail: Dracula's babies have them.
 * Punctuated for Emphasis: Dracula to Dr. Frankenstein:

"YOU WRETCHED UNDEAD!!! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!! "THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I SHALL FEAR NO EVIL"!!! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT DAMNED BONES, AND DAMNED SOULS, AND WILL BURN IN THE FLAMES OF HEEEEEEELL!!!!!"
 * Rain of Arrows: One-man version. See Automatic Crossbows, above.
 * Raven Hair, Ivory Skin: Anna Valerious and one of Dracula's brides, Verona.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Frankenstein's Monster gives a rather loud one to Dracula's undead minions after being captured by them:

""The laws of men mean little to me.""
 * Reluctant Monster: Frankenstein's monster.
 * Rescue Sex: Friar Carl saves a random townswoman from falling to her doom by making a diving catch. She's very grateful... and quite happy that he's not bound by vows of chastity. We don't see either of them again for some time.
 * Scarily Competent Tracker
 * Scenery Porn: Evil, foreboding CGI castles are pretty.
 * Hell the whole setting is pretty well shot. If nothing else, they got the spooky feeling right.
 * Screw the Rules, I Have Supernatural Powers: Whatever Van Helsing is, he has no respect for any rules except his own.

""If you're going to kill someone, kill them - don't stand around talking about it!""
 * Sealed Evil in a Can: Dracula develops wings to circumvent this.
 * Shirtless Scene: It's an action movie starring Hugh Jackman, 'nuff said.
 * Steampunk: The design of the Frankenstein Monster in particular; but a good deal of equipment seen being used in the movie is very impressive looking for the time period.
 * Stillborn Franchise: A sequel and a TV series had been planned; but due to the film's poor reviews and lackluster box office performance, both of these plans were cancelled.
 * Super-Powered Evil Side: Mr. Hyde.
 * Talk to the Fist: How Anna gets vampires to shut the hell up already.


 * This Cannot Be!: Dracula says this at the end.
 * This Was His True Form: Why Van Helsing is considered a murderer by the Muggles.
 * Tin Man: Dracula is a villainous version of this.
 * Too Dumb to Live: Anna and her brother Velkin tend to Leeroy Jenkins when they attack things, such as werewolves, despite knowing if they die their entire family won't be allowed into Heaven. Presumably the Knights realized this, which is why they sent Van Helsing in, in the first place.
 * The Villagers don't fair up much better either. While they give a flimsy justification that the Vampires only attack because they're feeding, taking one or two a month, its a better alternative to them fighting back and killing the vampires, as they'll only come back and slaughter them in revenge. Still, you'd think they'd try to deter them... it'd be very easy to do if they were all armed with bows instead of hatchets and pitchforks. Or more logically, if they resettled their village far away from Dracula's Castle.
 * Transformation Sequence
 * Uberwald
 * Unwitting Pawn: Dr. Victor Frankenstein was this to Dracula.
 * Vampire Dance: The dance hall where Drac is holding a fancy dress party is lined with mirrors, making it obvious to Anna that she's basically the only one there with a pulse.
 * Vampire Hunter: Duh.
 * Vampire Monarch: All the vampires and werewolves answer to Dracula, who presumably was the first vampire.
 * Vampire Refugee: Van Helsing gets turned into a werewolf, and is prophesied to kill Drac as a werewolf. Meanwhile, Carl and Anna race to get the antidote to him before the last stroke of midnight, at which time he'll be a permanent werewolf.
 * Vampire-Werewolf Love Triangle: Van Helsing was in the process of becoming a werewolf when Dracula kidnapped his love interest and tried to seduce her.
 * Van Helsing Hate Crimes: Played with. Van Helsing can see that Frankenstein's monster is not really evil. The Knights of the Holy Order don't.
 * Vein-O-Vision: The vampires.
 * Viking Funeral:
 * Weird Moon: The moon is full for weeks in Transylvania.
 * And apparently waxes and wanes like crazy. After, Carl tells him that the next full moon is in three days. Repeat - there was a werewolf attack the night prior (meaning that there must have been the full moon), and three days later, it would be full again.
 * They had a travel montage to get somewhere, but not one to get back. While the moon is still weird, this sort of gives an excuse for the "three days later" bit.
 * When the Clock Strikes Twelve: Van Helsing must be cured by the last strike of midnight -- fortunately in Transylvania the clocks can take ten minutes to strike midnight.
 * Maybe that has something to do with the moon.
 * Who You Gonna Call?: Van Halen!
 * Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?: Anna to Aleera in the climax when the latter constantly keep playing with her. Anna calls her out on her stupidity for stalling on killing her after she stakes her.
 * The Worf Effect: Anna by one of the brides repeatedly throughout the movie. She gets even though near the end of the movie.