Julius Caesar (theatre)/Funny

"Casca: Marry, before he [Caesar] fell down, when he perceived the common herd was glad he refused the crown, he plucked me ope his doublet and offered them his throat to cut. An I had been a man of any occupation, if I would not have taken him at a word, I would I might go to hell among the rogues. And so he fell. When he came to himself again, he said, If he had done or said any thing amiss, he desired their worships to think it was his infirmity. Three or four wenches, where I stood, cried 'Alas, good soul!' and forgave him with all their hearts: but there's no heed to be taken of them; if Caesar had stabbed their mothers, they would have done no less."
 * Act IV, Scene I: When Lepidus, a "slight, unmeritable" member of the Triumvirate according to Antony, leaves on an errand, Antony tells Octavius that it's probably best to have him be the errand-running workhorse of the three, to be "either led or driven, as we point the way." Octavius says that Antony may do as he wishes, "but he's a tried and valiant soldier." "So is my horse, Octavius," Antony retorts.
 * Act I, Scene II:

"Cinnna: I am Cinna the poet! I am Cinna the poet!
 * Following Marc Antony turning Rome against the conspirators, a crowd falls upon Cinna the poet, who has the bad luck of sharing a name with one of the conspirators. When he identifies himself, they shout for his death.

Rioters: Tear him for his bad verses! Tear him for his bad verses!"