Ghostbusters/Funny

Ghostbusters
""He slimed me.""
 * Venkman's introduction to Slimer.

"Egon: I collect spores, molds and fungus."
 * Harold Ramis on the commentary: "I take full credit for turning 'slime' into a verb."
 * The way Egon puts an end to Janine's flirting questions.

"Venkman: Remember that time Egon tried to drill a hole in his head.
 * Venkman teasing Egon shortly before going to confront the library ghost:

Egon (without hesitation): That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me."

"Ray: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by Dickless here.
 * The scene at the Mayor's office, when Ray explains how Obstructive Bureaucrat Walter Peck caused the ghosts to be released:

Peck: They caused an explosion!

Mayor: Is this true?

Venkman: Yes, it's true. This man has no dick."

"Ray: Everything was going fine until the power grid was shut off by this weasel here.
 * Even the censored version is amusing enough to warrant note.

Peck: They caused an explosion!

Mayor: Is this true?

Venkman: Yes, it's true. This man is some sort of rodent. I'm not sure which."

"Venkman: Bye.
 * Except, of course, weasels are Mustelids, not Rodents. So, once again, Venkman doesn't know what he's talking about. Which only makes it funnier.
 * Another censored version has a slightly altered yet no less funny exchange, with Ray calling Peck "Wally Wick" instead of a weasel.
 * An issue of Nintendo Power with an article on the recent games had the guts to put up a picture of Peck with the caption: "Yes, it's true. This man has no Wii".
 * An airing on British terrestrial TV censored this scene by overdubbing the offending words with dialogue from elsewhere in the movie - so Venkman's punchline becomes "Yes, it's true. This man has no twinkie."
 * It's made even funnier by the resulting commotion / averted fistfight, during which Venkman can be heard audibly protesting "Well, that's what I heard!"
 * Venkman's reaction when his argument wins the day and Peck, swearing revenge, is ejected from the building is classic:

Peck: [Being pulled out] I'll fix you Venkman, I'm gonna fix you...

Venkman: I'm gonna get you a nice fruit basket. I'm gonna miss him."

"Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
 * When Ray, Egon, and Venkman are touring the old firehouse:

Stantz: Hey, does this pole still work?? (slides down the pole) Wow. This place is great! When can we move in? You guys gotta try this pole! [...]

Venkman: (beat) I think we'll take it."

"Cardinal: Personally, Lenny, I think it's a sign from God -- but don't quote me on that.
 * Bill Murray's face when the Cardinal of New York walks in is quite possibly the greatest deadpan reaction gag of his career, and when you consider the range of said gags, that's saying something.

Venkman: Yeah. That's probably some good advice, Lenny."

"Ray: Gozer the Gozerian? Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the city, county and state of New York, I hearby order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
 * The moment in the original when Ray decides that Bureaucratese is the best way to deal with an invading God from Dimension X:

Venkman: ...that oughta do it, thanks very much Ray."

"Winston: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a God, you say "YES"!"
 * Followed up by some useful advice from the Christian Token Minority:

"Stantz: Listen! Do you smell something?"
 * Reportedly, Dan Aykroyd made an appearance at a convention where someone in the crowd asked him once again "Are you a god?" This time he did say "Yes."
 * In the library, just before they find the ghostly librarian:

"Stantz: I'm opening the trap - Don't look directly into the trap!
 * From the capturing of Slimer, we have the immortal couplet.

The trap is opened

Spengler: I looked at the trap, Ray!"

"Peck: These men are in direct violation of the Environmental Protection Act!
 * "Guys, guys, we've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Staypuft is okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York--we just get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!"
 * Peck being an ass again and Egon haveing had enough.

Egon: YOUR MOTHER-- (the rest of the sentence is lost as he attacks Peck)"

"Venkman: Whatever it is, it has to get by us!
 * Trying to fight Gozer.

Ray: Right.

Venkman: (completely deadpan) GO GET HER, RAY!"

"Ray: Sir, what you have there is what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm, or a Class Five full roaming vapor. Real nasty one, too!
 * After catching Slimer:

Peter: Now, let's talk seriously. For the entrapment, we're gonna have to ask you for four big ones. Four thousand dollars for that. But we are having a special this week on proton charging and storage of the beast, and that's only going to come to one thousand dollars, fortunately.

Hotel Manager: Five thousand dollars? I had no idea it would be so much. I won't pay it.

Peter: Well, that's all right. We can just put it right back in there.

Ray: We certainly can, Dr. Venkman.

Hotel Manager: No, no, no, no! All right!"

"Carriage-driver: What an asshole."
 * The conclusion of the Running Gag of Louis locking himself out of his apartment, with Rick Moranis' gloriously pathetic delivery of "Somebody let me in!"
 * Later, we get to see the party, culminating with Vinz Clortho in the back room getting a coat tossed in his face.
 * The Central Park carriage-driver's reaction to the possessed Louis Tully talking to his horse, growling at him with inhuman red eyes, and running off screaming about how the apocalypse is at hand:

"Peter: Where are we?
 * The conversation Vince had with the horse was funnier.
 * I, for one, am glad the horse didn't turn out to be the Gatekeeper. Very glad.
 * When Gozer is revealed as taken on the form of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, the look on his face is priceless. He looks so happy!
 * The Smash Cut moment when, having arrived at the Dana's building to battle Gozer and been greeted like conquering Big Damn Heroes by the people, we cut to see the Ghostbusters exhaustedly pulling themselves up the stairs to reach Dana's floor.

Ray: Looks like the mid-teens.

Peter: Well, when we get to twenty let me know. I'm gonna throw up."

"Winston: Tell him about the Twinkie.
 * After Gozer is destroyed and the damage is done, the Ghostbusters all emerge from the rubble. Everyone's covered head to toe in marshmallow foam except for Venkman who's relatively clean. There's a moment where the guys are looking at Venkman like, "Wait, what the hell?"
 * The completely serious way Venkman responds to the "Twinkie" metaphor.

Venkman: (Dead serious) What about the Twinkie?"

"Janine (completely deadpan): Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
 * This troper is particularly fond of when the boys are shooting at Gozer and Venkman exclaims: "Aim for the flattop!"
 * Winston applying to work for the Ghostbusters.

Winston: Ah... if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say."

""Dropping off or picking up?""
 * When the police arrive at Ghostbuster HQ, Janine greets them with this priceless line;

Ghostbusters 2
"Venkman: Say, Johnny, where the hell are you from?
 * While the sequel is considered slightly inferior to the original, it does have this:

Janosz: Uh, de Upper Vest Side..."

"Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.
 * Also from the sequel, when the Ghostbusters were committed:

Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?

Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.

Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime.

Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it. And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.

Psychiatrist: A bathtub?

Venkman: Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts."

"Ray: We sing to it, talk to it, say... supportive, nurturing things to it.
 * Again from the sequel, the entire scene where Egon and Ray show Peter and Winston the effects of the mood slime, especially the dancing toaster.

Venkman: You're not sleeping with it, are you Ray?

(Ray shakes his head; Egon hangs his head in embarrassment.)

Winston: It's always the quiet ones.

Venkman: You hound."

"Louis: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the ... of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you."
 * Also from the sequel, Louis referring to the guys' cease and desist order as "that blue thing I got from her." (Or a "judicial mistrangement order.")
 * Louis' very helpful defense during the court room scene.

"Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless."
 * The judge's reaction is priceless.
 * As is Egon's:

"Winston and Ray: There's something strange in the neighborhood; who you gonna call?
 * Singing to the overprivileged nine-year-olds.

Kids: HE-MAN!

Winston and Ray: And it don't look good..."

"Judge Wexler: (grabbing Ray) You've gotta do something! Help me!
 * After the ghosts of the Scolari brothers are on the loose:

Ray: Don't talk to me, talk to my attorney.

Louis: And that's me! My clients are under a judicial mistrangement order! That blue thing I got from her! They could be exposing themselves!

Peter: And you don't want us exposing ourselves!"

"Egon: Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?"
 * Egon's initial reaction is pretty sweet too

"Louis: Boy, this thing is heavy..."
 * After Louis suits up and goes outside:


 * Later on, he goes to the museum via bus...while wearing full Ghosbusters gear...with Slimer as the driver.