I Have This Friend/Quotes

""Daddy, I have this...friend, and, he's real nice, but he spends half his time running around the playground, kicking kids in the shins and mashing dirt in their faces."

Best Possible Fathering: "Focus on your studies and don't make pals with kids like that."

Worst Possible Fathering: "I'm not your friend, son.""

- Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

"Doug Funnie: Well, um, I have this friend, it's not me!"

- Doug

"I've gotta tell him I lost a submarine. Can I make something up, like "say a friend of mine hypothetically...""

- President Bartlett, The West Wing, "Gone Quiet"