Blatant Lies/Quotes

""Zozo? Never heard of it.""

- Thief standing by the entrance of Zozo, Final Fantasy VI

""Anyone see what happened?"

"Of course not. They were all in the bathroom at the time.""

- CSI

""YOU LIE!!!!""

- Invader Zim on frequent occasions.

"[After she wakes up and see their room-mate staring at her and her girlfriend's entangled bodies]

Paulie: She... she gets serious nightmares."

- Lost and Delirious

"Sometimes the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying."

- Burn Notice

"I'm making you a sales engineer, you'll be paid on commision. When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth."

"Try to avoid facts."

- Dilbert

"Wedge: We'll need a wheeled transport, one of the flatcam units our pursuers are carrying, and four sets of women's clothing.

Hobbie: Boss, please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing.

Wedge: Very well. I'm not putting us in women's clothing.

(In the next chapter, the four pilots are in women's clothing)

Hobbie: You lied to me.

Wedge: I did. With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession has come the realization that lies can be powerful motivators.

Hobbie: My faith is shattered.

Wedge: You knew, when I said we needed four sets of women's clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You knew. So any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion.

Hobbie: I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me."

- Starfighters of Adumar

"Dougal: Why didn't you lie to him?

Ted: I did! I told him great big massive lies with feckin' bells hanging off them!"

- Father Ted, "Entertaining Father Stone"

""I HAVE NO LASERS, AND I WILL LASER TO DEATH ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.""

- Obviously Not Warmech, 8-Bit Theater, "The Ol' 180"

"I'll just go in this police box and arrest myself."

- The Doctor, Doctor Who

"Maura: Hey, babe. Where've you been?

Clango: Nowhere! I briefly ceased to exist in time and space!

Maura: That doesn't sound suspicious at all."

- ''Diesel Sweeties'

"Reimu: There's a limit, even to obvious lies."

- Touhou Project

"If you saw a bullet hit a bird and he told you he wasn't shot, you might weep at his courtesy, but you would certainly doubt his word."

- Emily Dickinson

"It was a difficult time. I did all that I could to protect my House and then other members of Court in attendance. More's the pity that I could not save that usurping, traitorous bitch."

- Lara Raith, in one of her blunter moments, The Dresden Files - White Night

"Jon: FALCON PAWNCH!

Evan: I wonder who you are.

Jon: I'm, uh, Mario.

Azura: Mario has the PAWNCH?

Jon: Mario has a poncho. He's, uh, from Mexico.

Azura: Sweet.

Ashley: Or is he from Spain?

Jon: Ethnic minority Mario! Collect them all!"

- Proton Jon and his friends, waiting for the next match to begin

"(Antimony and Reynardine approach door, Antimony is wearing a headband with attached antennae.)

Antimony: Hello. I would like to enter, please.

Doorbot: Robots onl... what's that on your head?

Antimony: These are my antennas, because I am clearly a robot.

Doorbot: Oh! Well... it's true that some robots have antennas... hmm...

Antimony: Also, robots never lie.

Doorbot: Hey, you're right! Come on in, friends!

Antimony: We are looking for a particular robot. A... fellow robot. Because we are also robots.

Doorbot: Administration is right down that way.

Reynardine: Your powers of deception and trickery are bewildering, child."

- Gunnerkrigg Court

"[Superintendent Chalmers sees Principal Skinner's is glowing (as it is aflame)]

Chalmers: Good Lord! What is happening in there?!

Skinner: Aurora Borealis.

Chalmers: A- Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? LOCALIZED IN YOUR KITCHEN?!

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: (Beat) ...may I see it?"

- The Simpsons

"Mrs. Teasdale: Your Excellency, I thought you'd left!

Chicolini: Oh no, I no leave.

Mrs. Teasdale: But I saw you with my own eyes!

Chicolini: Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?"

- Duck Soup