Haruhi Suzumiya/Kyon/WMG

Kyon has psychic powers, but is unaware and cannot control them.
This is why everyone can hear what he thinks, whether he wants them to or not.

Kyon is either a casnova or The Charmer.
He tries to potray himself as a decent guy who doesn't like that he has a harem of girls that like him.

Kyon is of hispanic origin.
Expanding on the kyon is a foreigner theory, to me he looks like someone who either came from Latin America or Souhthern Spain due to this hair and skin color. Also since his sisters is white, which indicates that they are probaly mixed race, and hispanic people tend to be mixed race. Also a Spanish name would sound more unusual to a Japanese person than an American name.

Kyon is half-Native American.
Another possibility thrown into the mix. Traditional Native American surnames can often be complex and descriptive and usually sound pretty damn awesome.

Kyon and his sister are not related by blood.
Either one or both of them are adopted. They really don't look anything alike and he doesn't seem to have any stories or memories about her from when she was a very small baby. He's also mentioned having a crush on his cousin without any trace of him feeling awkward about it. This could be because he's not actually related to her.
 * This could be because in Japan, it's legal and somewhat common to marry first cousins.

We won't meet any sliders, because John Smith hadn't.
When John Smith told three years ago's Haruhi that he hadn't met any sliders (yet), this made her (subconsciously) think of them as less likely to exist than aliens, time travelers, and espers. This explains why she only created those three groups, which explains why Kyon never met any, making this another Stable Time Loop. Of course, book 9 suggests that this will be Jossed soon, but it's still possible.
 * Not to mention the Sliders that appear (very briefly) near the end of season 2 of the anime.

John Smith in Japanese Hirigana means 'I'm a Cicada'
I got bored and loaded up charmap from Start --> Run and selected the MS Mincho font. I went to the Hirigana characters and selected these:

ぞ (Zo) ん (N) せ (Se) み (Mi) す (Su)

ぞんせみす. Zonsemisu. Zon Semisu. John Smith. I'm pretty sure that's how they said it in the subbed TMOHS. (And yes, I know that usually it would be written in Katakana.) So I put these characters into Google Translate (Japanese to English), and guess what I got? Well, see for yourself on Google Translate if you want to. The result was these words:

I'm a Cicada

Could this be a serious reference to something? Perhaps something to do with the final episode of Endless Eight? Well, I still think it's pretty cool.
 * Actually, it is ジョン・スミス　(Jon Sumisu), or じょんすみす, if you prefer Hiragana. As far as I can tell that does not really translate to anything.
 * ジョン (Jon). キョン (Kyon). Makes sense.

Kyon is a physical manifestation of Haruhi's desire to have an ordinary life.
If Yuki, Mikuru and Itsuki are there because Haruhi wants to meet supernatural beings, Kyon is there because part of Haruhi wants to have an ordinary life. Kyon represents Haruhi's wish to fall for an ordinary guy and life a normal life.

Fujiwara is Kyon in the future
The obvious alias tipped me off. His ultimate goal is to prevent himself from becoming such a jerk in the first place.
 * So, Kyon becomes Archer?. Didn't see that one coming. Does that make Yuki Saber, or does it make Haruhi Rin?
 * To get in before anyone else says it, I demand fan art of Haruhi cosplaying as Rin Tohsaka.
 * Already disproved in Surprise by Fujiwara himself when he reveals that  His entire reason for traveling back in time?

Assuming Itsuki didn't lie then Kyon does have a special ability. He is the archetype of normal.
Essentially the opposite of Kyon = God theory. Kyon is so absolutely normal that he is immune to the larger reality warping. He is so normal that having a an "evil counterpart" in the Anti-SOS brigade would negate his normalness. So one one doesn't exist. His role is in being the embodiment of normal also means he is a reality anchor. He's the universe's own willing suspension of disbelief in flesh.

This doesn't mean he is God. The power is still in Haruhi/Sasaki/whoever. Closed spaces are just built up tension of said god powers trying to forcibly pull on the anchor. If the tension grows enough Kyon could/would/has been forcibly yanked along.

Hypothetical examples:
 * The Anti-SOS Brigade need Kyon and Sasaki to agree on her becoming god again not because Kyon's the source of the powers, but her just spontaneously gaining godhood from Haruhi is just too strange with Sasaki. Any attempts would snap the powers back to Haruhi.
 * In the school film things accelerate as Kyon gradually becomes used to things becoming out of control.
 * If Haruhi can change things drastically as in the school film why the closed spaces? Because changes if done too rapidly hit a bottleneck. Closed spaces form when the current god's abilities begin to build up against Kyon's normalness.
 * Itsuki is gradually adjusting Kyon to the strangeness as a form of defense. Imagine if Kyon got pulled into that closed space by himself with just Haruhi? Nervous break down and possible complete loss of disbelief. Letting Kyon in on the "gag" allows the anchor some slack in the tether.
 * The Anti-Haruhi's closed spaces are happy because Kyon believes the world to not be that perfect. Haruhi's are heck with monsters because Kyon knows the world isn't that strange.

Kyon has skin cancer.
That's a big-ass mole on that neck of his. Was it even there before the island trip? If so, was it that big? Changes in size and shape, or appearance of new moles, may indicate melanoma, a very dangerous form of skin cancer.
 * I believe the mole serves to show that Kyon is strait up lying when he tells Koizumi that he knew from the get go that the island trip was staged.
 * Actually, it is supposed to be a reference to the Snow Mountain Syndrome story, in which it is a tip-off for a certain character to know which Kyon is real.

Kyon is narrating because he's relating the story over his blog.
The narration, the exaggeration, the fuzzy-edged-love-o-vision for Mikuru, and the fanservicey camera angles.
 * And he's got hidden cameras everywhere club members are expected to be (small cameras all over the club room, looking out windows of their classrooms onto the quad and athletic fields, a remote-control camera facing the stairs and roof, a buttonhole camera sewn into Haruhi's hat during the baseball episode where she wouldn;t find it). This is why, in the episode where Kyon retrieves the heater, Yuki puts a book in her locker between the camera and Haruhi stripping down Mikuri and then pauses for nearly a minute (staring not at the book, but the camera). Itsuki may or may not be in on it, depending on whether the neckmole shot in the island episode was filmed on location or recreated. Mikuru almost definitely does not know.
 * Alternatively...

== Kyon is narrating because it's several years in to the future, Haruhi's power is discovered by the general population and Kyon is writing a book about how he came to know the girl with reality-warping powers. == Well, it's not entirely impossible.
 * Jossed by Endless Eight, since he narrates loops that he wouldn't remember years later in the future.
 * Not in the original short story; we only see the very last iteration.

Kyon is or will be the "slider".
This is the one Speculative Fiction trope Haruhi brings up in her opening speech that hasn't shown up yet. Several times in the novels, Kyon has wondered when one of these guys is going to show up to complete the list. It also explains why all this weird stuff suddenly starts happening to him when he gets to High School (he makes his first leap without realizing it and ends up in Dimension Haruhi), why he ends up in Haruhi's new universe when she starts creating it (survival instinct causes his powers to kick in), and finally  Of course, Itsuki claims Kyon is perfectly normal, but can we really trust him? ....no.
 * Alternatively, Haruhi has yet to make Kyon a Slider, but will. Aside from the main trio of supernatural characters Haruhi wanted to meet, interdimensional "sliders" are brought up. At one point in the novels, Kyon is impatient that a slider hasn't appeared yet. If Haruhi realizes (or already has realized) that Kyon is "John Smith", she may turn him into a slider. She has already been fed the identities of Itsuki, Yuki, and Mikuru, and the idea that Kyon is important in some way. "Slider" was the fourth type on her list, so she could conceivably decide that Kyon has a unique ability to jump between dimensions.
 * And then there's that odd alpha/beta universe split in the latest novel, which has yet to be explained...
 * Seriously, that practically proves the whole deal. There's past tense narration of two apparently parallel universes. It stands to reason that one Kyon will gain the memories of his other self. I think that it will manifest as an awareness of parallel selves and possibly the ability to switch with them.
 * Turns out you were partially correct. The two time lines are
 * Methinks that the slider is already there, namely in the alpha-6 chapter, where Kyon
 * Turns out this girl is She's actually
 * Remember, friends! All good Five Man Bands eventually get a Sixth Ranger!
 * In a sense  really was the sixth ranger because  It doesn't last though.
 * Tsuruya's already kind of the Sixth Ranger, though. She was even name an Honorary Member during the Snow Mountain Syndrome story. A second Sixth Ranger is hardly implausible, though...
 * Tsuruya isn't the Sixth Ranger, she's the Ensemble Darkhorse.
 * Alternatively, an Alternate Universe Kyon is the slider, and he will join
 * Kyon's father is the slider. Kyon's altogether too willing to accept the weirdness, his father's never seen or even hinted at existing in anime or novels, and so obviously he's shoved off to another dimension and Kyon's mom just doesen't mention it to keep up appearances. The kids just take it in stride and say nothing.

Kyon is a slider from the world before 3 years ago.
Basically, he's the only one from that world that Haruhi saved because he believed in such things. He doesn't know it though since the world is more or less the same (just with a lot mroe hidden stuff).

Kyon is a telepath
This isn't the same thing as an Esper, unless Itsuki was lying. We see several instances of Kyon narrating or apparently thinking something...and then someone responds to it as if he had said it out loud. This makes sense when Haruhi does it, (she reads his thought bubbles?) but Kyon's friends have done it at least once as well. This could dovetail into the "Kyon is really the god" theory.
 * Fun fact! Originally in the writers notes, Kyon was going to be an Esper.
 * Kyon's thoughts are also heard by others during flashbacks involving events that happened prior to three years ago which means his telepathy isn't caused by Haruhi.
 * It's implied that the organization has serious material backing from Tsuruya's familiy, who are super wealthy. Arakawa and Mori are implied to have skills that you would not typically find in most of the civilian population. The organization probably has the means to initiate a private investigation of an individual.
 * Kyon is also an Unreliable Narrator, so it is unclear how often his "thoughts" are actually thoughts and not spoken out loud.

The supernatural elements are Kyon's hallucinations.
They only show up after Nagato takes him home and talks at him. Thus, she slipped him something in the team and the supernatural elements are a result of mental trauma brought on by a somewhat unusual fetish on Yuki's part. Mikuru's in on it as well; her tea is also spiked.
 * Let's take note of the intensely surreal graphics used during Yuki and Kyon's conversation, shall we?

Kyon is a manifestation of Haruhi's desire to have a normal life.
Kyon's sexy, fit, sensitive, helps those around him, doesn't leave friends behind ... and just happens to notice the lonely, unpopular, friendless geek sitting alone in the back of class ... and is just conveniently skeptical and blunt enough to bring Haruhi down from most of her crazy moments. While the rest of the SOS Brigade represent different forms of supernatural powers Haruhi wants to see in reality, Kyon is similarly a manifestation of (nearly) every little girl's dream to find someone to settle down with and have a storybook Happily Ever After.
 * Gosh darn it, This troper was writing that fanfic.
 * Tell when you're done, I'd like to read it.

Kyon's real given name is Kiyohiko
"Kyon" is "Kiyo" compressed into "Kyo" and with an -n added. The "-hiko" part is a common ending for male names.

Kyon is going to get sick of this nonsense.
No, not the fact that Time Travellers, Aliens, and Espers exist. He's fine with that. It's all the nonsense with secret societies and manipulation that hurts his friends. He's going to get mad. This will not be an unstoppable rage; but the righteous anger of one who knows exactly how the universe works.
 * Goosebumps.
 * Could that be the reason why Kyon has hair reminiscent of a young Julius Caesar? As this Troper recalls, Caesar got sick of all the nonsense in Rome, and he led an army over the Rubicon.
 * Kyon is a pretty impressive dude. He doesn't even attempt to influence Haruhi for his own benefit, not even indirectly, but when you threaten his friends he is ready, willing, and able to destroy the universe if that's what it takes. If he seriously goes on the warpath, nothing is going to stand in his way.
 * IS going to, why not just is, I mean he did in essence make all of us go Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu? to the IDE at the end of disappearance... I think he's really starting to get sick of the conspiracies and the whole bloody Masquerade.

Kyon's personality isn't really that different from Haruhi's; Sasaki influenced him so badly, that he became a Deadpan Snarker.
In the prolouge, Kyon even states, that he once was a bit like Haruhi is portrayed. But he stopped "being childish", hmmm.... around the same time, he made "friends" with Sasaki?! To connect this with the "Haruhi and Kyon are both god" theory; I think, there are three godnesses: Haruhi, Kyon and Sasaki. Kyon is the one, who regulates between Sasaki and Haruhi, making one of the two always dominant. Sasaki was always aware of her powers and realized, that the influence of Kyon, back then still very Haruhi-like, could change the universe in a way she doesn't want it to be, and therefore "deactivated" him, by feeding him her mind piece by piece. All she had to do, was attending the same cram school as him. Her "plan", however, backfired, by surpressing his real wishes and personality under Sasaki's influence, she made his subcontious desires for the extraordinary even stronger, setting the "in charge for intergalactic reality-warping"-button in his mind on "Haruhi" by default. This is the reason, why everybody wants Kyon on their side. If he ever gets really and completly convinced, that Sasaki was the better choice, she would automatically be the one in charge again.
 * But, the Anti-SOS Brigade said that they need both Kyon and Sasaki's consent for her to regain her powers and Sasaki has flat out said that she can't handle them.

Kyon is related to Captain Picard.
They're both experts at the Face Palm! It has to be genetic!
 * Wait, if Haruhi is Q...

The Computer Society President is related to Kyon
Either he's an unknown cousin, or a long-lost sibling. This is why his name is never heard, despite being a relatively important character; he's party to whatever bizarre tradition keeps us from knowing the real name of anyone in Kyon's family.
 * Alternatively, The Computer Society President is the 'slider' and is actually Kyon from an Alternate Universe.
 * In that case, then a version of Kyon has in fact groped Mikuru. Unwillingly, but still.

Kyon and his sister aren't Japanese
They're either immigrants or the children of immigrants. Their real names have not been revealed to prevent that becoming known. Also, in one of the books, Kyon thinks John Smith would be a sensible alias; if he was Japanese, you'd think he'd go by Takeshi Kuroyama or something.
 * I'll take this one step further...
 * Who said he thought it was a sensible alias? He admits it's an alias almost immediately -- obviously he wasn't trying to convince her that John Smith is really his name.
 * Even if he didn't chose "John Smith" as a sensible alias, it is still telling that it is the first alias that comes to his mind.
 * His and his sister's real names are not revealed, not just to prevent readers from knowing they are immigrants, but to prevent Japanese from knowing they are immigrants: the Japanese can be quite xenophobic. Also explains their parents' absentee status.
 * Might be a side effect of Koizumi and Kyon's character design switch: while Haruhi wants a mysterious transfer student, she gets the local Koizumi, who is an esper. Likewise, Kyon was originally meant to be the esper, but has been assigned the role of "foreigner with a mysterious name".
 * Could explain Kyon's attachment to Mikuru: during Endless Eight, Mikuru makes comments to the effect of being surprised by "this time's" clothing/customs. Her status as a chronological immigrant prompts sympathy from Kyon, a geological immigrant.
 * This, given this troper's understanding of Japanese "alphabetical order" conventions, is highly unlikely. Foreign names are written in katakana, which come after hiragana, and thus he'd introduce himself after all the Japanese students (including Haruhi).
 * Who says his name has to be written in katakana?
 * Keep in mind they were introducing themselves according to seat order, not alphabetical.
 * He probably chose the name since he didn't want Haruhi to bump into someone with the same name in the intervening three four years.

Kyon is Korean.

 * This explains his Korean nickname, and the difficult (to the Japanese) nature of his real name.
 * It also explains why Haruhi hasn't introduced him to her parents,and why he rarely sees his cousin.
 * The series is also set (though never explicitly) in the vicinity of Kobe and Osaka, which has an extremely high concentration of Koreans (both immigrants and those left over from Japan's colonial days). It's not impossible, and his nickname's quick spread among people around him could then be interpreted as using his stupid nickname in avoidance of outing him as an ethnicity that's rather disliked in some quarters of Japanese society.
 * Also explains why (in the novels) Taniguchi and Kunikida thought Kyon might be able to get extra kimchi at the cultural festival.
 * It's certainly worth mentioning that "Kyon" (견) is a legitimate Korean surname.

Kyon and his sister are only half-Japanese
He was born in the United States but his family moved back to Japan shortly before his sister was born. This explains some of his Gratuitous English and knowledge of western culture and could also explain his name (with an English first name, a middle name, and a Japanese surname. Or a Japanese first name and an English middle name and surname) which is reportedly regal sounding and hard to say. It also helps to frame his oft-mentioned hatred of his morning commute because when he was living in the states he took the bus to school. As to which of his parents is non-Japanese I offer no theories. It's possible he could simply resemble one over the other or half of his parentage is of a race that wouldn't give him any noticeable non-Asian or who is Asian but was born and raised in the States themselves for one or more generations. This is also the reason for his laid-back personality and his First-Name Basis with Haruhi (using first names for classmates, especially ones who sit near you) is more common in American schools.

The world will become more supernatural/chaotic as Kyon continues to accept weirdness
Kyon is supposed to keep Haruhi's powers and emotions in check, but he's been slowly adapting to all the weirdness around him. Even more, he enjoys his exciting and abnormal life. As he stops wanting a normal reality, he won't put so much into keeping Haruhi stable. This is also why more supernatural characters and organizations come out of the woodwork as the novels progress. If Kyon is the Reality Warper instead of (or alongside) Haruhi, this still works just as well.

Kyon is King Arthur reborn
Assuming he's not Japanese, but his name is "regal sounding" and "hard to spell" (a detail from the novels, according to our own page on the series)... who's more regal than the Once and Future King himself? I don't know how you'd Japanize 'Arthur', though, so I can't say anything regarding how difficult it would be to spell. Kyon no Imouto, of course, is Morgana. She was reborn some years after he was. What possible evidence could I have for this? Rule of Cool, man, Rule of Cool.
 * According to one of those 'your name in Japanese' sites, Arthur would get pretty mangled in the translation process, with the result being pronounced 'Aasa'.
 * But this would mean that Kyon is also Saber...which opens up a whole new level of disturbing implications.
 * No no, that's the gender-flipped universe Kyonko who's Saber. In the Haruhi version of the universe, King Arthur is a male.

Kyon from the future ensured Haruhi Suzumiya gets her powers.
This is all based off speculation from the ninth novel:
 * Er...what? All I got out of that was some confusion between "the event" 3YA and Tanabata 3YA, and Haruhi didn't really need Kyon to paint the symbols for her.

Kyon is The Nostalgia Critic.
Seriously. Just give Kyon glasses and a goatee, throw that signature hat on him, and there you go.

Kuyoh is evolving!
A interesting theory, quoted from Animesuki:

Kyon isn't nearly as infatuated with Mikuru as he claims
His seeming obsession with her is just an odd way of denying (to the readers, or to himself) that he's in love with Haruhi. This troper finds that the constant praise Mikuru gets from him is a bit much. Of course, this only works if the above theory is true
 * It seems possible that he exaggerates how he feels. There are lots of different kinds of attraction. Perhaps he's most physically attracted to Mikuru. How often does he talk about her as a person besides that she's cute? He has no confidence in her abilities or reliability. So maybe he's infatuated, but recognizes it as such and doesn't put much credence in the idea of a relationship beyond flirting.
 * Subpoint to avoid gigantic paragraphs, possibly Mikuru figures this out and was more attracted than he was, resulting in future Mikuru's 'affectionate' behavior and urge for him not to get too close to Mikuru.
 * This troper points out that Mikuru is also a much more normal crush to have than Haruhi. She fits in very nicely with the ideal Japanese woman. Haruhi, of course, is much more unusual.
 * This troper would also like to remind other tropers that, despite his erudite prose, Kyon is 16. He's practically bound to exaggerate any sort of attraction to a "safe" girl like Mikuru to the logical extreme, while in Haruhi's case, he goes to the same extreme lengths to deny an attraction that obviously makes him uncomfortable. I mean, surely most of the people reading this have been through that age, judging by the Troper Demographics...
 * This troper remembers being a teenage boy, and thinks that Kyon likes both, but for different reasons. Mikuru for the 'really cute older girl with a rack you can lose change in' side of things, and Haruhi for the 'interesting girl my age with a nice ass' angle.
 * In addition to all the above, Kyon has been under peer pressure from Tanaguchi and Kunakida (sp) since first meeting Haruhi to not get too interested in her, in defiance of this he still made a more than 'just being friendly' effort to get to know her. On finally cracking Haruhi's icey persona he then goes about trying to prove to all concerned that he isn't interested which definitely points to a genuine crush rather than a safe but distant infatuation that he shows towards Mikuru.

Kyon's real name is Lawrence.
This is an expansion on the above theory about Kyon not being Japanese. Haruhi at one point mentions that Kyon's real name is hard to say, and Lawrence would be hard for a Japanese person to pronounce. It also brings to mind TE Lawrence, of Lawrence of Arabia fame, a British soldier who wielded considerable power in the Middle East during his lifetime and which ties in somewhat with the statement that Kyon has a 'regal-sounding' name.
 * This Troper is well acquainted with the theory that Lawrence is Lelouch, but for first time sees a theory that Kyon is Lawrence. Also, Horo is Haruhi? Damn. It actually makes sense, imagine what happens if Haruhi becomes infatuated with the middle ages? Then the shepherd girl is Mikuru.

Kyon, who is a slider, comes actually from another universe. And was adopted.
It's all a Laser-Guided Amnesia. In the universe, where Kyon came from, Sasaki was "god", but Kyon rebeled and wanted to get Haruhi from the other universe to fight Sasaki, however, Sasaki managed to erase his memory before he could escape. That's why Kyon's the only one Haruhi's power don't seem to have an as great effect on. Now, Sasaki trying to get him away from Haruhi, before the memory-drain wears of and he can call her in as Sasaki-destruction weapon.
 * So, why did she tell Kyon she doesn't want her powers back, and that she couldn't handle them if she did get them back?
 * She was lying?
 * She wasn't the same Sakaki as the one from his old universe, but merely had similar memories? The data explosion and time rift could have been thanks to two of a single new being simultaneously appearing in the universe (one of the Slider Kyon and one of Kyon travelling to that time). Unless I've got the timing wrong.

Kyon is the only truly normal person in the entire world.
Two possibilities under this possibility: Their powers are dormant, and need to be unlocked by Haruhi. Or, they all know about their powers, but not that everyone has powers; therefore, they gather in small groups that attempt to hide their powers from others. Kyon is normal he is the counterpart to Haruhi; while she is unique because she controls the powers of everyone in the world, he is unique because she has no control over him.
 * By definition, wouldn't that make him the only special person then? But seriously, the idea that her power does not work on him is interesting, it explains his disinterest in her no matter what she does (except when she's genuinely being a decent person like with ENOZ) despite the fact that she clearly DOES want something from him.

Kyon was also at the Game three years ago.
Either directly behind Haruhi or at the same location on the 1st base line, most likely.
 * I lost the Game.
 * You're the Hanshin Tigers?!
 * Given some of the insane time loops I wouldn't be surprised if the Kyon from that time frame was behind her, the present Kyon was at the 1st base line and a Kyon from the future was actually playing the game in some capacity.

Kyon's real name is Genghis
Or perhaps the name of one of the other Khans. As they ruled a large portion of Asia, it definitely qualifies as regal sounding, and the jump from Khan to Kyon is an easy one to make.
 * Which would explain why he introduces himself as thus to avoid ridicule to have the same name as a popular lamb dish.

Kyon doesn't realise Haruhi's feelings for him because she doesn't want him to
It would explain why Kyon, whos shown how intuitive on feelings and motives previously just doesn't seem to get it.
 * He notices, he's just in denial. At least, that's my interpretation.

Fujiwara is future Kyon.
Both Kyon and Fujiwara use obviously fake names when they time travel, and both have acted against Mikuru's organization.
 * A powerful sometimes-foe is a more cynical version of the lead male...this sounds suspiciously familiar.
 * According