CM Punk/Funny

CM = "Comedy Master"? Probably not, but these moments could possibly make you belive so.

--

"You know, it's funny, I'm actually Not Wearing Pants, and that's how I watch NXT every week."
 * His shoots with Samoa Joe are the stuff of legend, especially the one about the night Homicide got drunk. "I GOTTA PEE, YO!"
 * From an episode of NXT: Punk and William Regal both agreeing on Bryan Danielson being a better wrestler than his "pro," The Miz, behind The Miz's back (with Punk even holding his arms up and going "this much!").
 * The week after his Loser Leaves the WWE match with Jeff Hardy, Punk impersonates Jeff Hardy.
 * "You dumb bitch, I'm not even holding a microphone!"
 * Mother finds Punk on Twitter. Heartwarming and Hilarity Ensues.
 * CM Punk is a guest announcer on the September 21 2010 edition of NXT. This in and of itself is gloriously hilarious, but specifically when one of the Divas is talking about the old "view people in their underwear" public speaking trick as part of a promo challenge, and Punk responds with this:

"Punk: This is not the Spanish Announcers Table! Very immature! He spilled my diet soda!"
 * "He's not a chicken, you're a turkey!" (It's at around 3:25.) How can a reference to a 90s PSA be so funny?
 * During a Natalya vs Melina match, Lay Cool were on commentary along with CM Punk, Jerry Lawler, and Josh Matthews. Early on in the match, the four were all arguing very loudly and CM Punk shouted out "everybody shut up!".
 * CM Punk was golden on commentary during the later part of 2010. From his reading of the anonymous GM's email, to his excitement at winning his Slammy, to his confusion as to who Eve was when the other commentators brought her up.
 * On the December 6, 2010 edition of Raw, John Cena was clearing the announce table to put Wade Barrett through it. Punk was concerned over Cena spilling his diet soda as he did so the previous week when he did it to Health Slater. Cena gently hands Punk his diet soda before he finishes clearing the table and Punk tosses it in disgust. Later, Cena handed him one of his arm bands and Punk almost immediately chucked it back at him.

""I HAVE RECEIVED AN EMAIL!""
 * Earlier in the night, the GM sent a message while Michael Cole was in the ring, meaning Punk got to read the message. For once, the audience didn't piss all over the segment. As a matter of fact, they even chanted his name. Punk proceeded to subtly but surely mock Cole's self-important delivery style.

"CM Punk: Hey Colt Cabana, how ya doing?
 * Punk was doing commentary on an intense match between Samoa Joe and the Necro Butcher after it had become public knowledge that he was going to WWE. When asked for a wrestler's perspective on how he would react to a situation in the ring, Punk said he would sign a developmental contract and run away.
 * CM Punk didn't call that woman a whore. He said she was a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
 * And he speaks the truth!
 * CM Punk vs. John Cena in a rap battle.
 * From Punk's Twitter: Mickey Mouse in the Nexus?
 * From Twitter (22 May 2011): "'Can you bring tassels back to wrestling please?' Tried it. Didn't work."
 * Punk's 'sit-in' and demand of the #1 contender title on the 6-20-11 RAW culminated with...well, this.
 * CM Punk: "Bring me... Jared, from Subway." The almost cartoonish supervillain quality to his voice makes it brilliant
 * The pure wall breaking of the speech on the 6-27-11 RAW

Whoops, I'm Breaking the Fourth Wall!"

"CM Punk: Why don't you have Stephanie McMahon give me a call? I'm sure she's got my number!""
 * "My first demand is that you bring back WWE ice cream bars." [huge pop] "See, Vince? I just made you a million dollars on ice cream sales right there!"
 * The fact that "WE WANT ICE CREAM" could ever make sense in context to a wrestling show is just hilarious.
 * His second demand? "I want my face on EVERYTHING! Including the turnbuckles!"
 * Just imagine turnbuckles with Punk's free floating head with goofing smile on them. You're welcome.
 * During the early part of Punk's WWE match with John Cena in Chicago at Money in the Bank 2011, the partisan CM Punk crowd began chanting, "You can't wrestle!"-- a common chant directed at Cena in situations where the crowd's vehemently against him. Punk actually responded to the crowd. "Who, me?" "NOOOOO!" "Oh, him?" "YEAAAAH!" "Oh, okay."
 * And after that match was over, Alberto Del Rio tried to cash in the briefcase he had just won earlier that night. Just when  everyone else thought they knew where this was going, Punk kicked Del Rio in the back of the head and knocked him out cold - then ran out through the crowd with the title belt...
 * Punk invades Comic Con and he an Triple H get into it.

"CM Punk: How's fantasy land?
 * Of course, Trips deserves some points for this:

Triple H: How's the unemployment line?

Crowd: Oooohhhhh.."

"CM Punk: It's not a belt, its a championship title!! It's not a belt. It's not a strap. It's not a trophy. You can't even lift it up!! It weighs more than you do!"
 * July 25, 2011: CM Punk goes one-on-one with... Cousin Sal's 6-year-old son, Archie and tries to fight Punk to get the gold back.

"CM Punk: (overjoyed) Can I wear your blazer?!
 * August 1, 2011: Triple H announces that CM Punk and John Cena's title feud will be settled at Summerslam before leaving the two to their own devices. So Punk removes his belt and raises it victoriously to his theme music. Cena responds by raising his own belt, cutting off Punk's music. Not to be outdone, Punk raises his belt higher, cutting off Cena's music. The next few minutes are spent with the two constantly trying to out-do each other in pops, the audio alternating every few seconds between Punk and Cena's theme songs.
 * "And bitching, and bitching, and bitching..." Poor, poor Christian.
 * "Hey, you wanna see the message my little sister sent me? (pulls out cell phone, reads) 'OMG Kevin Nash WTF thought he was dead LOL'."
 * "Don't answer this; it's a rhetorical question. If Triple H asked you to jump off a building would you? Because I think that would be good for business.
 * CM Punk does weather. Nothing else need to be said.
 * His reaction to Triple H making him the announcing team on the October 10th, 2011 episode by virtue of being the only one of the four men presently working in the building not involved in the match. He honestly looks like a kid in a candy shop.

HHH: You can even wear my blazer.

Punk: I'M IN!!!

HHH: Uh... One last thing: when you get down there, I'm gonna need you to do double duty. Not only are you gonna do commentary, if you wouldn't mind -- please ring the bell.

Punk: *rubbing his thumb and forefinger together* Pay, right?

HHH: Double pay!

Punk rushes to table."

"Do not adjust your television sets, ladies and gentlemen. We are in Bizarro World."
 * As well as:

"CM Punk: If you say, "Because it's my destiny!", I swear to Jeebus I'm going to start drinking."
 * Punk subverting Alberto Del Rio's Eddie Guerrero spot on the 11/28/11 Raw. When Del Rio hit the chair on the ground and tossed it to Punk, what did Punk do? Toss the chair back and hit the ground while clutching his head.
 * Punk's reaction to this was priceless. He looks down at the chair and looks back at Del Rio like "Seriously? That's what you're going with?" before throwing it back.
 * CM Punk's contract signing with Alberto Del Rio and The Miz. Del Rio runs down all his accomplishments throughout the year, but CM Punk cuts him off right at the end with a massive Shut UP, Hannibal moment:

"Steve Austin: You want a beer?
 * And his reaction to The Miz saying he took R-Truth and John Morrison out. "Like on a date?!"
 * And his reaction to Laurinitis suggesting they take a picture together with a "Are you serious" look on his face.
 * Overlapping with Awesome Music, CM Punk's "tribute" to John Laurinitis set to "The Touch".
 * CM Punk and Stone Cold Steve Austin in the same place outside the ring. Hilarity Ensues.

CM Punk: What?

(Stone Cold glares at Punk)

Steve Austin: A shot of whiskey?

CM Punk: What?

Steve Austin: Vodka?

CM Punk: What?

Steve Austin: Anything?!

(pause)

CM Punk: What?"

"CM Punk: This whole thing's ridiculous, Teddy and you know it's ridiculous. (to Jericho) You know its.. you're not even cool, it's ridiculous. You have police officer's out here. John Laurinitis knows it's ridiculous I know it's ridiculous. And the entire WWF Universe knows this is ridiculous."
 * Piece of advice for The Miz: When handcuffing CM Punk, like during the WWE Championship TLC match, make sure to cuff his feet, or he will kick your head-whoops, never mind!
 * This article has a collection of some of the more outlandish stuff that happens at house shows and after the show goes off the air. Punk is clearly having a little too much fun when the cameras are off.
 * CM "Drunk" rants takes a sobriety test.


 * This is more of a CMoF for the crowd, but when Chris Jericho called out Punk for seeing him go into an English pub, he retaliates by saying "I can't go to a pub in merry ol' England and have some fish and chips with a friend of mine?!". The crowd cheers and then very appropriately starts chanting "FISH AND CHIPS! FISH AND CHIPS!"
 * When taking audience questions during his panel at the 2012 Wiazrd World convention in Philladelphia, Punk is asked a very simple question - "Are you going to get rid of John Cena's stupid spinner belt?". Cue the crowd & Punk bursting into laughter... Mostly because the question came from a kid, part of Cena's target demographic!