Good Omens/Funny

""Kraken."
 * The fake member list for the witchfinder army.
 * The part about Newt's car airbag.
 * The part with Crowley, Aziraphale and Anathema's bike ("'Lord, heal this bike!'" / "'Get in, angel!' (...) Ah. She'd been perfectly safe after all.")
 * The scene where Crowley stops the town busybody to ask him for directions. While his car is on fire.
 * "Excuse me, young man, but your car is on fire."
 * The entire sequence detailing why Crowley's flat has the lushest house plants in all of London.
 * Especially when, a few pages later, a "luxuriant rubber plant" is mentioned. Whether it was just the one plant or whether all of Crowley's terrified plants are actually made of rubber is unclear, but it would certainly fit with the stereo system that works perfectly despite having no speakers and all the other countless instances of him getting objects to work for him against all logic and physical possibility.
 * Err. Rubber plants are actual plants. A kind of ficus.
 * They are also much too large to keep potted in an apartment.
 * I loved the footnotes explaining Newt's car.
 * 'Prease to frarsten sleatbelt?" and later,
 * When we're witness to exactly what a drunk Crowley (demon) and a drunk Aziraphale (angel) are like.
 * "The point is... the point is... DOLPHINS."
 * "...so every hundred years this bird flies-" "-limps-" "-flies..."
 * "Big brains. That's my point. Size of. Size of. Size of big damn brains. Whole damn sea full of brains."

Crowley gave Aziraphale the long cool look of one who has had a girder dropped in front of his train of thought."

"The Kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance."
 * The bit about a certain sea monster is one of my favourite quotes of all time.

""What's this here", he said suspiciously, "about us got to give you faggots?"
 * "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me... for me..." - I always end up grinning when I listen to Bohemian Rhapsody...
 * "Upon meeting Aziraphale for the first time, most people formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide."
 * The Them conduct their own Spanish Inquisition using Brian's bullfighting poster, Pepper's little sister, and the village pond. "Art thou a witch, viva Espana?"
 * This troper had a hell of a time trying to explain to her friends at a theater rehearsal WHY she was laughing hysterically in the background: "These kids are acting out the Spanish Inquisition ... no, no, it's FUNNY!"
 * Crowley's car turning tapes and CDs left in it overnight into "Best of Queen" albums.
 * And how using this to turn Hastur into Freddie Mercury would be a Fate Worse Than Death.
 * Newt showing his Witchfinder ID to the American soldier.

"Oh, we have to have them," said Newt. "We burn them."

The guard's face broadened into a grin. And they'd told him England was soft. "Right on!" he said."

"2. And bye the border of Dan, fromme the east side to the west side, a portion for Afher.
 * While we're on witchfinders, the line that Shadwell's knowledge of The Bible begins and ends with Exodus 22:18, which concerns witches, the suffering to live of, and why you shouldn't.
 * Aziraphale doing magic tricks.
 * "'We want a word with you,' said Ligur (in a tone of voice intended to imply that 'word' was synonymous with 'horrifically painful eternity.')"
 * The four other Bikers of the Apocalypse picking their names. "You can't be answer phones!"
 * Newt discovering that not only did Agnes predict him and Anathema having sex, but many of the Devices down the centuries have written in advice.
 * For some reasons, this troper's unofficial book group found the confusion over who's name you swear at very funny.
 * Shadwell talking to Madame Tracy. Everything about Madame Tracy.
 * And everything about Shadwell.
 * The Buggre All This Bible. What really pushes this one from amusing into laugh-out-loud hilarious isn't so much the text of what was inserted, but where it was inserted. To wit:
 * The Buggre All This Bible. What really pushes this one from amusing into laugh-out-loud hilarious isn't so much the text of what was inserted, but where it was inserted. To wit:

3. And bye the border of Afhter, fromme the east side even untoe the west side, a portion for Naphtali.

4. And bye the border of Naphtali, from the east side untoe the west side, a portion for Manaffeh.

5. Buggre all this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typefettinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone half an oz. of Sense should bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the liuelong daie inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe.

6. And bye the border of Ephraim, from the east fide even untoe the west fide, a portion for Reuben."


 * Crowley trying to conceptualise good luck: "a blessi- a godse- a windfall"