The Hangover/Funny

The Hangover
"(upon watching the security feed at Tyson's place)
 * Too many to mention, but Mike Tyson trying to sing "In The Air Tonight" has to be up there.

Mike Tyson: Where'd you get the cop car?

Stu: ...we stole it.

Mike Tyson: (grinning from ear-to-ear) NICE!"

"Mr. Chow: Too-ta-loo Mutha fuckaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!"
 * Mr Chow pops out of the car boot, naked, attacking the main characters.

"Alan: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
 * Alan: "I didn't know they gave out rings during the Holocaust."
 * Mr. Chow: "It's funny because he's fat." Also an example of Don't Explain the Joke.
 * Alan's loner speech.
 * The Rain Man shout out, especially Alan perfectly mimicking Dustin Hoffman's affectations down the escalator.
 * Alan's response to the legality of counting cards while gambling.

Stu: It's also illegal.

Alan: It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.

Phil: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.

Alan: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden."

"Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
 * Alan trying to calm an enraged Mr. Chow.

Alan: Nobody's going to fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants."

"Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question?
 * Alan interacting with the hotel staff.

Lisa: Sure.

Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?

Lisa: What do you mean?

Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here?

Lisa: No.

Alan Garner: I didn't think so."

"Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
 * The cops barging in on Jade's room. "Shut the baby up! Shut the baby up!"
 * The tiger in the back seat waking up.
 * This exchange:

Stu: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them.

(Phil, Doug and Alan pull up outside.)

Phil: Paging Dr. Faggot! (Beat.) Dr. Faggot!"

The Hangover Part II
"Phil: What business is that?
 * Stu singing "Alantown".
 * Stu's reaction when he realizes that he.
 * Some of Chow's quotes:
 * "I have such an erection right now!" Chow says this after the high speed car chase and crash.
 * Chow mentions his business with Kingsley.

Mr. Chow: It's called not your business, 'kay?"

"Alan: When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language."
 * "You never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stops, start up again. Read a book!"
 * Alan's joke in the back of the truck manages to make everyone else--including the silent monk--laugh their asses off.

"Stu: You see that? That's orange juice with a napkin over it... so nobody Roofie's me!"
 * Stu's "bachelor party."

""Why does everyone keep saying that?!""
 * Stu's reaction after one too many people say "Bangkok has him now":

"Phil: Maybe put up a "No Talking!" sign, instead of sicking Crouching Tiger here on us."
 * Alan's interactions with the monkey.
 * Hell, the monkey itself is a walking CMOF -- when this troper saw the movie, it got a laugh in every scene it was in.
 * The monk kicking the guys' asses for talking in a meditation chamber.
 * Phil's reaction later to the said ass kicking.

"Stu: We gave it to a drug-dealing monkey."
 * At the end, the completely offhand way Stu explains to Teddy where his finger went.

"Stu: I'm sorry we almost killed everyone..."
 * When the guys are arriving at the wedding, Doug blinks and says "Is that Alan driving?" Then he and his wife make sure everyone gets out of the way.