The Nostalgia Critic/2010 Episodes/Funny

Commando
"Neo: Woah!"
 * "This message will self-destruct in one second." "Huh?" *BOOM!!!*
 * "OOOOHOHOHOHO, YOU GOT ICE CREAM ON MY FACE! OHOHO, WHAT A SPECTACLE! IT'S STILL ON MY FACE! I SHALL REMEMBER THIS FOREVER, AS 'ICE CREAM DAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!'"
 * Critic lampshading how Arnold is a Boring Invincible Hero and One-Man Army.
 * He starts out by showing Ahnold owning the mooks. Then he shows a bomber flying at him. The camera cuts to Arnold, and the plane crashes and explodes. Then there's a clip of charging Mumakil from Lord of the Rings: cut to Arnold, they all fall over in a screaming, armored-elephant heap. Then he shows the Death Star...
 * Critic wildly firing his gun in random directions and still somehow hitting the random mooks from the film.
 * The opening sequence, which plasters Doug's wonderful mug over various posters from other Ah-nold movies, all set to the Stupid Statement Dance Mix of "Put That Cookie Down".
 * "Oh yeah. You like watching two people doin' it while Arnold Schwarzenegger and some random black guy are fighting in the background? Our research says that at least 1% of the population does. That's why we're presenting 'Some Like It Rough'. Because we know somebody gets off on this."
 * "Okay, this is just a competition of who can make the sillier face now!"
 * "Captain... No 'splash'!"
 * Arnold: "You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm gonna kill you last." YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!
 * YOU HAVE TO CALL COLLEEEEECT! IT WILL SAVE YOU MONEY AND IS SO MUCH CHEAPER FOR THE OTHER CALLER!
 * "Hey Sully, remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied."
 * Holy shit that was AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....!
 * "This is starting to look more like a Jackass stunt."
 * "Dude! Do you know how much preparation I had to put into that set up? You're a freaking a-hole!"
 * His cracks about the soundtrack.
 * 'Hello, this is your Captain speaking, asking for you to put your seats in the upright positions. We also ask you to NOT knock the person sitting beside you out, and then snap their neck, tucking them in and making them look as though they're sleeping. Thank you.'
 * The "Arnold!" song. No, not the "Put that cookie DAUN!" one.
 * "ARNOOOOLD!" "HE'S PUTTING THINGS INTO THIIIINGS."
 * "Oh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay/I sleep all night, and apparently I wear women's clothing. Ya."
 * "But luckily the flight attendant is here to return your seats and tray tables to their upright--KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!" *KABOOM!!!*
 * "Mommy, I want some ice-cream, some cookies, and I want it now, now now now now NOW!!!"
 * Neo's reaction to the main character's name being John Matrix

Junior

 * His reaction to the freaky Ahnold baby.
 * Also, the Critic getting his own Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
 * In which he throws in a picture of Chuck Bass.
 * Hey kids, let's play "find the joke", with Dora the Explorer!
 * And, of course, the reasons why men couldn't get pregnant. Of course, there are those nasty morals and the body thing, what with men not having vaginas, for instance, but it's just the top of the iceberg.
 * Full list - It's morally insane. Men don't have vaginas. Men don't have uteruses. You'd be playing genetic Monopoly. No man would volunteer unless doing it for a movie role. There'd be a lot more complaining. Abortions would skyrocket. EVERY child would be left behind. Men would never take care of themselves properly. A man could get pregnant just by jerking off (I think). Jesus would cry. God knows what kind of mutations would arise. This would probably be some form of incest. Every man would have his tubes tied. If a baby kicks, the man would probably kick back. No man is going through a friggin' C-section. Men are horrible at throwing baby showers. No man could resist alcohol during pregnancy. In fact, they'd probably drink more. No man is wearing a mumu [sic]. We'd just look silly. Our solution to losing the baby weight would be "Losing the baby." No man would ever have sex again if they knew a baby was coming out of it -- excuse me -- out of THEM! Men have no practice. Men have no patience. Men have no...just fuck it, we're not doing it!

Conan The Barbarian
"Critic: ... Good for you."
 * "Oh, no, she's pulling me into Avatar! The visuals will be stunning, but the story will be absolute bullshit!"
 * "Guys, I told you to watch the place while I was a snake! Can't a guy just be a snake for five minutes without something going wrong?"
 * "Well, gee, when you put it like that...FUCK YOU!"
 * His impersonation of Mako at the beginning of the review, that is all.
 * Complete with him rushing to do the "worshipping Mako" pose from the Sidekicks review as soon as he mentions the name.
 * "Conan The Cummer...Eww."
 * Made even better with the Arnold clip from Pumping Iron where he compares working out to cumming, and the Critic has the most horrified expression on his face.

""....Well that's just silly.""
 * "Ooh! I'd like to ask her for directions!"
 * "Forgive them, Crom. They know not what they do."
 * "Behold! We have reached Jerusalem! Wait, what?"
 * After the whole "Asking directions bit," his reaction to the woman disppearing.
 * "...Kay."
 * His reaction to James Earl Jones turning into a snake. His lack of emotion makes it even better.

""Thank you, Sir. May I have a wheel now?"
 * Wheel! Of! Torture!
 * "Push wheel? Look, all I understand is wheels. Please, do you have a wheel? May I push it?"
 * On that note:

"Will you shut up about the wheel!""

"YAAH-HO-HO-HWEEE!"
 * When James pulls a woman of a cliff using magic, Goofy screams. Even if you don't know where it's from, it's still hilarious.


 * When Conan is ordered to be crucified, it cuts away to Hedley Lamar dismissing the idea as "Too Jewish."
 * The scene where Conan beheads James Earl Jones and then throws his head down the steps, dubbed over with "Ow. Ow. Owowowowowow."

Conan The Destroyer
"NC: It looks like a Rankin-Bass stop motion puppet that was shat out by Swamp Thing"
 * "It sucks BALLS! Let's watch it..."
 * "Hail, Conan of Nazareth!"
 * "Hey look at that Abu, it's not everyday you see a horse with two rear ends!"
 * "Hehehehehe! They got me because Rob Schneider was off making worse movies, a-hehehehehehehe!!"
 * "Who said I was a woman?"
 * "How do you attract a man?" "I spear him, gut him, then wear him."
 * DOUCHE
 * Sex Talk with Weasley Guy
 * Regarding the monster at the end...

"Boy, I feel a little weird saying this, but Conan is literally fighting a one-eyed, one-horned giant purple people eater. And you know what? It sure looks strange to me."
 * Similarly...

"Lightning Mage!Critic: My magic produces lightning! *uses force lightning*
 * The brief shot of the poster for Alvin and the Chipmunks during the scene where Mako's character uses his magic to have the leader of Dagoth worshippers see the thing he fears the most.
 * "The God of Nonchalantness..."
 * The teasing about the magic spell that simply makes a "ding" sound is notable too.

Fire Mage!Critic: MY Magic produces FIRE! *creates a small burst of flame*

Ding Magic!Critic: MY magic goes... *DING!*

'''Other Mage!Critics: *unimpressed*

'''Ding Magic!Critic: *produces several more dings before getting force lightning in the face*"


 * When the wizard turns into a "hideous monster" to kidnap the princess. (cue Reading Rainbow theme)

End of Days
"Critic: "Looks like Mel Gibson's house.""
 * Chester A. Bum as a priest.
 * The Mad Tea Party scene.
 * CAAAAAT!
 * "I got no strings, to hold me down...."
 * "Deh ah no strings on MEEEE!!!"
 * As Arnold goes trough the bum priest's Room Full of Crazy with crosses scribbled on the walls:

"Critic: Big deal. Who hasn't has a Coffee-Beer-Pepto-Bismol-Chinese-Food-And-Pizza Slurpie. Or as I like to call it...Cbpbcfps."
 * "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
 * The return of
 * Who is
 * "3-1-20".
 * His name for the 'drink'.

"Marge Francis: The guy doesn't have a tongue.
 * This exchange...

Critic: (imitating Arnold) NEITHER DO I, BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP ME FROM SPEAKING, AGHAGHAGHAGH!!!"

"Kevin Pollak: Hey Arnold, say it.
 * And this one...

Schwarzenegger: No

Kevin Pollak: Come on, just say it!

Schwarzenegger: No.

Kevin Pollak: I'll pay you 50 bucks if you say it.

Schwarzenegger: (sighs) Get to the choppa.

Kevin Pollak: Haha, you just made me splooge."

"The Devil: Oh boy, I'm really bad at this. I can see why I was a fallen angel, 'cos I'm fallin' over everyth- *KABOOM*"
 * "Alright, who crucified the patient?" *points offscreen* "Mark?"
 * "Christine, please tell your mommy to stop beating me up! It hurts!"
 * When Arnold encourages a subway driver to speed up and hit the villain: "IT'S OKAY! IT'S THE DEVIL!"
 * Hello, random boob shot. Goodbye random boob shot.
 * This line:


 * "GAH, HEARTBURN!!!"
 * "Maybe he did it himself?! Oh, yeah! These self-crucifixions happen all the time, don't they?!"

100th Episode: Battlefield Earth
"No, Critic. There is one movie that you have overlooked. A Sci Fi film that is so terrible, it makes my nipples tingle with fear!"
 * His attempt to do a clip show; the clip he uses rebels against him.
 * Ma-Ti's conversation with Present Critic:

"BATTLEFIELD EARRRRRRRRRRRRTH!!!"
 * Not to mention his over the top presentation of the movie:

"Ma-Ti: What happened to you, man? You used to have strong, plentiful balls!
 * As well as the Critic's equally-over-the-top reaction.
 * Shaming the Present Critic:

Critic: I do! My balls are still strong! And extremely plentiful!"

"Critic: *holds his head in his hands and groans* So…this military force of a planet, that has an atmosphere made out of radiation, has never had an explosion? This race is more gun-happy than Charlton Heston’s SHOOTING GALLERY, and yet there’s NEVER BEEN AN EXPLOSION ON THIS PLANET?! They could look at a KITTEN, and somehow they'd make it blow up! THESE GUYS ARE CRAZY! THERE’S NEVER BEEN AN EXP—WHAT?! YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?! THIS IS STUPID! THIS IS STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! *speeds up as the Critic goes into meltdown mode*"
 * "It's hard to believe that such a handsome man could become even 'handsomener'...'handsomen'...prettier." And later: "I am your Jesus."
 * Spoony the Psychlo.
 * Critic has such an epic lapse in sanity from the sheer stupidity of this movie, that the camera has to speed up just to contain all his kicking and screaming.

"Nostalgia Critic: Oh, go away; it's like talking to a horse's vagina."
 * After that breakdown, he realizes that perhaps he has been attacking the movie from the wrong angle. He then proceeds to beat himself in the head with a hammer, though a rather amusing picture hides the actual beating. The result? "Dulhulhul...I like spaceships."
 * And for anyone who was wondering just what exactly was being said in the rant, here it is slowed down
 * Him mocking the angle shots -- by having him in an angle shot, trying to prevent himself from slipping. And then promptly failing.
 * *imitating Travolta* "The very idea that I would go after a woman! *Beat* Me. John Travol--I, I mean, Terl the alien man. Yes."
 * After
 * In that same vein, the Yosemite Sam clip earlier on: "Gold, GOLD, GOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDD!!!"
 * NC's crosseyed facial expression during the "REEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA-..."-scene. (at the 10:15 mark).
 * "Oh fuck you, Roger Christian, whoever the fuck you are!"
 * "So we cut back to Johnny's village..." "Riiii-co-la!"
 * "Yes we can!" (cut to clip of Barack Obama) "Yes! We! Can!"
 * "Psychlo... really? C'mon, this is sounding like second-grade Fan Fiction. (*high voice*) 'They LIVE on the planet PSYCHLO, where the EVIL Meanosaurus and the NASTY Bandamagoo eat up ALL the Oompah-Loompahs.'"
 * The Critic's conversations with :
 * "I'm REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY ANGRY!"
 * "Listen, you're probably figuring out by now that we Psychlos are not very smart. In fact, the only reason we're able to take over any galaxies at all is that we ." "Oh. So, none of this has to do with strategic planning or superior intellect?" "Nope, it's just  ! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
 * In his commentary for the episode, Doug says that editing Spoony's scenes was really hard because he couldn't stop laughing at the performance.
 * "When you were learning to SPELLLLLL your name....."
 * "When you were learning to SPELLLLLL your name....."


 * "At least in Planet of the Apes, the humans were dumb, so it made sense that they'd treat them like animals; but here, there's no logic! It's like Planet of the Apes without the logic! You know, like the REMAKE of Planet of the Apes!"
 * "Have you ever heard of subtlety? Underplaying?! A good actor-YAAAAH!"
 * His reaction to finding out the Psychlos haven't discovered Fort Knox. He sounds he like wants to hurt someone.

Bébé's Kids
"Critic: "I didn't like it.""
 * The opening sequence, which shows clips of the Destruction Scene from the previous Video Game review of the same name. Cut to the Critic's deadpan reply:

""DAMN YOU BÉBÉ'S KIDS! THE MOUSE WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON YOU! I WILL SEE YOU PERISH IN FLAMES! I HAVE CONNECTIONS TO THE LORD OF DARKNESS! YOUR ASS IS GRASS! THEY WON'T RECOGNIZE YOUR BODIES! I WILL STEAL YOUR SOULS, BÉBÉ'S Kiiiiiiiiids!!!""
 * The Critic, Linkara, Benzaie, Angry Joe and Phelous all trying to pronounce Tone Loc's name (with the Critic being able to sneak a Bugs Bunny reference at the end by also questioning the pronunciation of Hansel).
 * GET ON WITH IT!!
 * This has been another....Pointless moment!
 * The Critic does a subtle Men in Black joke with park security, playing Will Smith's hip-hop tune from the film over the audio when they arrive to detain Bebe's Kids.
 * "So the kids find themselves in a courtroom where the Terminator is trying to decide if they're worth electrocuting to death while robotic Abraham Lincoln and Nixon defend their sides...* fearfully checks box labeled "ACID"* ...Nope! The movie's just weird!"
 * Mickey Mouse's cry of vengance against Bébé's kids.

"Damm you, white woman! You've been pitied my work since the day I escaped your womb. Oh yeah."
 * "Mr. African...American."
 * "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY HAVE ATTITUUUDE! AAAATITUUUUUDE!"
 * "Well in the 80s and early 90s, especially in confused animated movies, they would have a music video. They served absolutely no purpose and--" * upon seeing a close-up of Jamika's ass* "--DAAAMN! Oh, um...they served absolutely no purpose..."
 * "Yeah, where's the sign that says 'No bEVIS No VIbES'?"
 * "YOUR NAME IS OB!" (crack!) "Winthrop."
 * "You know, I think that's how Robin would react if someone asked him about his movie. 'DID YOU MAKE THIS?!' 'No, no no, no! It was Bebe's kids!'"
 * "What is this? North Korea?!"
 * "So what's your name?" "And if you can, please say it without rappin--" *kids start rapping* "--you son of a bitch."
 * "Jesus, I never thought I'd say this, but...where's Ice when you need him?"
 * "Hell, where's Kazaam when you need him?!?" "--WAIT! NO! NO! GO BACK TO THE KIDS! GO BACK TO THE KIDS!"
 * Comparing Pee-Wee to Stewie:
 * Comparing Pee-Wee to Stewie:

Lost in Space

 * Regarding Blarp: "It looks like Jar Jar Binks' aborted fetus."
 * "Is that really the best design they could come up with? A half-chewed Mickey Mouse eraser?"
 * The Critic proving that he doesn't need the Wah-Wah machine by giving his own after many of the lame jokes: "WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
 * Gary "I'm Firing My Agent" Oldman.
 * "I love you wife. =/"
 * "Oh, my heart soars every time! The monotone, the absolute lack of human feeling, the way he doesn't even refer to her by her name, just the role of 'wife'! I swoon every time!"
 * "Eat peace!"
 * After hearing Penny's voice and declaring her the missing Chipette, "Skankie", her voice raises progressively in speed and pitch, until: *BANG* "Eh, I didn't need those eardrums anyway."

Top 11 Villain Songs

 * "God I'd go gay for that voice."
 * His despairing reaction to the Quest for Camelot musical number.
 * "It's like Peewee's... Earth." Just the way he says that line is hilarious.
 * "Dude, you're on a MOUNTAIN OF EVIL, HOW ABOUT SOME OOMPH IN YOUR VOICE?"
 * ~Be king undisputed, respected, salu~... How am I gonna get down from here?
 * "Hah-hah, I'll see you in eternal damnation, hah-hah!"

Quest for Camelot
"Dr. Smith: Wait! There's one more important thing! It's imperative that you must know!
 * The bit with Dr. Smith, especially this:

Nostalgia Critic: What? What!?

Dr. Smith:"

""EXPLAIN, MOVIE! EXPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!""
 * His constant requests for the movie to explain things...

""JUUUST...EEEEX...PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"
 * ...which comes to a climax by causing one of the two consecutive nuclear explosions.

[Death, destruction and doom ensue]

[Critic double takes at destruction]..."Err, sorry."

[Moments later] "I... buh, jus... SORRY, I'M GOING FOR TWO!!""

"Critic as Kayley: I really want to come with you.
 * His imagined "The ogre's butt" recording session, accompanied by a picture of Gary Oldman looking extremely irritated.
 * "It's Belle! It's fucking Belle!"
 * His way-too-twitchy trigger finger and subsequent reactions at the end...
 * "Oh my God! Oh my God I just killed !"
 * "I'm sorry! Quest for Camelot made me do it!"
 * "I...I understand."
 * The knights saying things like "honor, value, courage..." mixed in with "Wind, water, heart!" and "Dragonzord, Mastodon, Pterodactyl!"
 * along with a passing show of the Mickey Mouse Club roll call
 * "What you squeeze the horse's mane and you get a song?" Cue repeated squeezings of the said horse's mane leading up to...
 * "Helloooo, hot character trait! Goodbyeee, hot character trait..."
 * His reaction to Garrett giving in to Kayley's request to join him, with him mocking the two characters.

Critic as Garrett: No. (sings) Like every tree, stands on its own...

Kayley: Please?

Garrett: Oh, alright.

Kayley: ^_^"

"Dr. Smith: Did someone question my subtle acting?
 * "Now, I don't want to give anything away here, but...one of these guys is going to be the villain. Can you guess who?" *arrow points at King Arthur* "Wow, you're a dumbass."
 * His conversation with Dr. Smith. All of it. "Does it involve spiders?"

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, come on, Dr. Smith, you're about as subtle as a f***ing trainwreck...on a boat."

"Reuber: You! Report!
 * The scenes with Bladebeak. "But the comedic axe chicken-- God, I can't believe I just put those words together...". Not to mention his acknowledging the fact said comedic axe chicken is voice by Jaleel White, leading to the inevitable Sonic Sez reference.

(NC as)Bladebeak: Well, the plot makes no sense, we have no originality and the songs are gonna be more successful than the movie."

"Nostalgia Critic: They ride to...Camelot!
 * The references to Monty Python and The Holy Grail, particularly:

Monty Python: (singing) We're knights of the round table! We dance whene'er...

Nostalgia Critic: No! Nononono! This is meant to be taken seriously! The real deal! There are no singing knights in this version!

Arthur: (singing) Each of us we'll now divide, in equal shares our countryside..."

"Python!Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
 * This at the end before the concluding sentences:


 * The part where the Critic is discussing how distracted the guards are that they simply let Kaylee go:
 * I HAVE HANDS!!!
 * RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICOLAAAAAAAAAAAA !

Old vs New: The Nutty Professor

 * In the end, he gets a call from
 * "Who uses a horn to talk?!!"
 * "Let me get my clarinet so we can have a REAL conversation!"
 * Benzaie about to shave his privates (Don't worry, they don't show anything) and the Critic's horrified reaction.
 * Benzaie's facial expression makes it ten times funnier.
 * The Critic imagining what a family of Jerry Lewis's would be like.
 * He is confused by some aspects of the original, and demands that the movie explains them....

Bio-Dome
"Critic: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I ... fucking hate Bio-Dome! I fucking hate Bio-Dome! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT AYAYAYAYYAYI!!!" ]. [Normal voice:] Thank you. I fucking hate Bio-Dome."
 * NC's Cluster F-Bomb to open the review.

": Oh, that's just my landlord with my eviction notice. *BAM!* And a battering ram. *Gun cocks* And a sawed-off shotgun. Uh...gotta go! (Runs off)."
 * "For those of you that are young and have no idea who Pauly Shore is...Good."
 * His impression of Joey Lauren Adams.
 * The cameo from

"Bud (Pauly Shore, the Devil's pubic hair himself): Give me the detonator.
 * Or this exchange:

Faulkner (played by William Atherton): What is the magic word?


 * Please."

":
 * "There is something about a man who can lick his own back..." ".......What am I supposed to say to that?"
 * "YAAAY, you tried to tell a joke! You get a vast, empty void of SILENCE!"
 * Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome. The Nostalgia Critic pointing out how the scientists in the film look like scientists in other films. He uses Doc Brown as an example of how a movie-scientist SHOULD look and asks what Doc Brown would think. The answer-

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, that's good to know. Thanks, !"

"Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? (etc.)""
 * He actually did get to say that line.
 * The Critic spazzing out when the movie glosses over Tenacious D just to get immediately back to the unfunny protagonist duo: "YOU PASSED OVER THE ONLY TALENTED PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE, YOU MORON!!! It's like looking at the line-up of the world greatest martial artists and being like, Jackie Chan? I don't think so. Bruce Lee? Maybe next time. ...StevenSeagal!! Get in there! (long beat) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"
 * "This is the movie - *shows DVD of Bio-dome* - these are my wrists after watching the movie - *shows wrists that are covered in bandages* - and these are the notes I took during watching the movie. *lifts up a sheet of paper simply printed with the words:

"Critic: Never do that again, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD."
 * The Critic's reaction to the protagonists bisexual claim, followed by them leaning together, waggling their tongues.

"Critic: My God. You're actually trying to kill comedy, aren't you? You're trying to...physically destroy everything that is humorous in this world. (long beat) You're not gonna get away with it! No! How much of this movie is left? Fifteen minutes? Okay, I'm just gonna rush through it, thwarting your diabolical plan, you sick, sick, FUCK movie!"
 * The massive NO! when they cut back to the protagonists after the glimpse of Tenacious D? Never fails to crack me up.
 * "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE." "I AM ACTING."
 * The reaction to the clown getting shot toward the end of the film.


 * "Has anyone else noticed that Pauly Shore is to white people as Jar Jar Binks is to black people? Seriously, I'm offended..."

The Neverending Story 2
"Albert Einstein: Bullshit!"
 * The Elephant in The Room joke about Jonathan Brandis.
 * "It blewed~."
 * The bully's Twitter message.
 * "OH, MY GOD, IT'S A DRAGON! THERE'S A FUCKIN' DRAGON FLYING AROUND!"
 * The triumphant return of A-CHUCK-A NORRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!
 * "Thank goodness this is the last Neverending Story movie, so I won't have to review another one". And then he turns the music up high enough to drown out the chorus of voices pointing out that there is, in fact, a Neverending Story 3.
 * "Here, they could travel at the speed of darkness, which is faster than the speed of light."

"Critic: I wish for a gun (Gun magically appears in his hand). I wish that memory machine went away forever (Machine disappears with a *poof*; Xayide has an Oh Crap moment). Bye! (Shoots Xayide, then dances to the film's theme song)"
 * "HEART!!!"
 * "Aw, man! The one time I can use this fucking thing and it doesn't do shit!"
 * The Running Gag in which the Nostalgia Critic points out the blatant You Fail Logic Forever regarding Bastian's ability to make wishes and the apparent lack of limitations of said wishes.

"NC: So they go back outside, where -- WHOA, what's wrong with Falkor's eyes?!
 * Falkor's "evil" moment.

Falkor, eyes glowing red and almost snarling: I am not going to carry that woman.

NC: Was he just possessed by the Devil, or something?

Falkor: Stick your cock up her ass, you mother-fucking worthless COCK-SUCKER!"


 * The part with the vanishing NES.

Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments

 * Jelly Donut
 * The Headless Horseman ordering from Taco Bell's drive-through.
 * THIS IS NOT OVER...BEAHS!
 * The Critic constantly getting called by Walken, much to his confusion.
 * "Love you too. ...What just happened?"
 * "I don't know where I am when he calls."
 * "I could really use some pie right now!"
 * Walken telling the Critic a limerick about two mice falling into a bucket of cream.

Flubber
"Nostalgia Critic: WHAT?!!! You mean he still couldn't make it to the wedding?!!! This guy is ass scum!"
 * All of his reactions to the fact that Professor Brainard is a total Jerkass.
 * "Instead of selling his discovery to a business corporation, he uses it on basketballs! Why aren't you committed?"
 * When the NC points out when the main character could technically sell the robot to earn the money to save the school but is more focused on his main project: "You're an idiot!"
 * "Oh great, he invented Slimer!"
 * The scene with the parent telling his child that nothing can get through a closed window, and then the Flubber bursts through and bounces all around the room: "LOOK OUT! IRONY! HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE IRONY!"
 * The NC pointing out the physics when one of the goons gets hit in the head from a Flubber-coated bowling ball that falls back to earth: "Uhh, yeah. I think his brains would have PAINTED THE HOUSE if a bowling ball fell on him from that high!"
 * "Why don't they just call this movie "Shit Bounces and Nobody Laughs"?"
 * The Flubber dance scene which is pointless enough in its own right, gets taken further when even the Big Lipped Alligator Moment can't stand it! "A BIG LIPPED-Oh God I'm bored!"
 * "Wow... So the guy who wrote "The Breakfast Club" and "Pretty in Pink" actually had to write the words "He farted Flubber out of his anus." This is a sad day, people!"
 * His reaction to Weebo's hologram human form.
 * "Hey look, a speck of snow!"
 * His reaction to the wedding at the end.


 * His reaction to Christopher MacDonald blatantly revealing he's the villain.
 * "Shut up Wesley!"
 * "Dale is DEAD, everybody! Dale is DEAD!"
 * I don't know where, I don't know how, but I know soooomething's starting right nooooooooooow!
 * "LOOK THEY'RE ALL WEARING GLASSES SO THEY MUST BE PART OF THE LOSERS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL WEARING GLASSES LOSERS GLASSES LOSERS GLASSES THEY ARE ONE AND THE SAME."

Home Alone 3
"Mickey Goldmill: You're gonna eat lightning, and you're gonna crap thunder!"
 * After seeing that the first minute or so features a group of villans talking about a high tech missile chip: "What is this, Die Hard 5? What does this have to do with Home Alone?"
 * "Sheesh, this woman's as compassionate as a punch to my ball sac!"
 * When one of the goons tries to cut through an electrocuted wire and gets violently shocked, a bolt of electricity shoots out of his ass, which is followed by a clip from Rocky:

"Critic!Hughes: There! I did it! I finally did it! I wrote the worst Home Alone script ever! I know I'm contractually obligated to make one more movie, but this script is so bad, that no studio would ever buy it. (laughs) What are they gonna do, hire the director of Beverly Hills Chihuahua to direct it? (laughs in disbelief) No studio's that stupid! (laughs some more) John Hughes, you're a genius! (continues to laugh as he walks off screen)
 * "How?"
 * Any scene with the Critic as John Hughes as he writes the script for the movie. Especially the end:

Studio Exec.: We'll take it! (*cha-ching*)

Critic!Hughes: (in agony) My career is over!!"

"In fact, it is elementary! Doris, fetch me my violin!"
 * The kid's detective moment.


 * "Have fun while I'm gone, son! Be sure to stay away from the rat poison I keep under your pillow!"

Old vs. New: King Kong

 * "Note to Self: Chocolate means war.
 * SKUUUUUULL!
 * It's a cookbook! IT'S A COOKBOOK!

Drop Dead Fred

 * The Annoy-o-meter: Michael Moore - Short Round - The dog from Duck Hunt - Edward from Twilight - "The racist robots" (Skids and Mudflap) from Transformers 2 - Chris Tucker - Jar Jar Binks. Drop Dead Fred slides in between the last two.
 * "That's quite an accomplishment, movie. That's quite an accomplishment. (Beat) Shoot yourself."
 * Gah! Too much pink!
 * Accompanied by a lightsaber igniting as the bedroom lights turn on.
 * "Oh! It's a phone call from reality!" "HELL-LOOO!!!"
 * "Look at him, he looks like a Conehead on fire."
 * "Welcome to Officially Snapped." Also, "Tim Burtonland".
 * "That's nothing! You should see the deleted scene."
 * The use of "Ave Satani."
 * Crowning Moment of Funny AND Nightmare Fuel.
 * NOOOOOOOO no! No! No! No! No! *beat* NO!! NO, no no nonono! No! No. No. No. No. *inuadible repetition on "no" with occasional "No" mumbled* *a couple of coughed out "No's"* *"No" repeated a couple of times while attempting laughter, culminating in fast furious repetition of "No"* NO! No-ho-ho-ho!!! *while waving his finger* NONONONONONONO-NO!!! *while doing a throwing motion* No! No! No! No!... I'm projecting my NO!!! unto this NO!
 * Really? I thought it was-- *is shot*
 * "Riddle me this, Batman! What do you get when you take two talented actors and saddle them with a script written by a horse's scrotum? This movie!"
 * On a freezeframe of the main female with a goofy look on their face: "That's the 'Horse that just passed gas' look!"
 * "Rik Mayall: Like having a stand-up comedian at the Holocaust."
 * Critic and a few guests have a pretentious What Do You Mean Its Not Symbolic discussion, before concluding it's "just a pile of shit."
 * Chewing the Scenery...literally. Espically with the line: "Hey, there's even more background I can chew!"
 * "Yeah, I remember the last time I laughed at my mother's cooch."

The Care Bears Movie
""I've touched half these children. And I'm okay with that.""
 * "Whenever someone asks "What did you do at your work today?" and I have to tell them "I watched Care Bears: The Movie", I die a little inside."
 * When the Critic points out how creepy Mr. Cherrywood looks and sounds.

"Critic: So what do you want on your pizza?
 * "Care-A-Lot....is paying for my new car....so might as well do it..."
 * TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKA!!!
 * "I've never seen a book so in touch with evil since Twilight!"
 * The Running Gag showing just how useless the Care Bear Cousins are... even especially Braveheart Lion. FAIL!
 * "They may take our lives, but they'll never take OUR MARKETABILITY!!
 * "Maybe it's just my perverted nature, but just look at these two bears and tell me what they're doing."
 * Made even funnier when you realize the bear in the car is Secret Bear.
 * The Critic questioning what exactly constitutes as "Caring" within the canon of the franchise and the ensuing skit-

Critic: Oh, I don't care. *Poof* No, wait! I didn't mean it like tha-

Care Bears: Hi, we're the Care Bears, and we want to be your- (Both are shot by the Nostalgia Critic. Repeatedly.)"

"Critic: I love the look on Nicholas's face here. It's like he's thinking "Wow, I can't believe I'm actually watching a talking book argue with a fuzzy talking bear. Thank God it's a Friday.""
 * The Nostalgia Critic pointing out various faces Nicholas makes over the course of the film, especially the "Is he turning into Judge Doom?" and this bit.


 * Critic's reaction to said Judge Doom face with audio. "That was a brick, literally a brick."
 * The Nostalgia Critic being attacked by The Spirit at one point. Why? Because he tried to fast-forward through her parts.
 * When Nicholas turns all the kids into Jerkasses: "Oh no, he turned them into YouTube commenters!"
 * "They also come across a pink elephant. And... guessing the amount of booze you've probably had throughout this picture, I'm guessing you're coming across a few as well."
 * "Nice story, but you forgot the part about the sodomy and the ties to the JFK assasination! Oh, well, I guess that stuff wasn't important."
 * The line on the Cozyheart Penguin toy ad: "Don't stop bothering your parents until you have one. Steal [from] them, if you must, Santa says it's okay."
 * (When the "Caring Meter" drops) "We're reaching Jersey levels! Jersey levels!"
 * The Nelson laugh after the key disappears.
 * "I have officially become a vampire! Uh, not one of those sparkling ones, though, they totally suck ass."
 * Critic doing a little kid voice saying that the part with the boat and the river no one tried before is a big plot hole and Critic, as Mr.Cherrywood, threatens to smack the kid with his ring hand if he doesn't shut up.

Jaws 3D

 * "A lot of you may be wondering where I've been the past week. Well, there was an... incident in Nevada... many people injured... I-I-I can never go back."
 * "Annoyed yet?!"
 * "You lured me with the promise of penis!"
 * The bar scene: Lea Thompson is having a discussion while the couple she and her guy are with start making out right in front of them. Cue the Nostalgia Critic making ever-increasing sounds of sex, complete with table crashing sounds.
 * ""Chase the cowgirl through the knee-high tents on the beach" Um... kinky?"
 * His extension of the Chuck Norris meme.
 * "A-CHUCK A-NORRRRIIIIISSSSSS! RIDINGASHARKTHATSASBIGASJAWS!"
 * *bump* "OW! SON OF A BITCH! SHARK CROSSING, YOU A-HOLES!"
 * "We all live in a Yellow Submarine. A Yellow Submarine. Yellow Submarine..."
 * "There's a shark, bitch! Run!" Made even funnier when you realize the lines were lip synced to the dolphin.
 * WHACK-A-SHARK!!!
 * Critic suggesting that absolutely intentionally  Hilarious.
 * The Running Gag where The Cinema Snob keeps talking about Manimal with the NC constantly checking to see if he's still talking and then repeatedly pushing him off-screen.
 * "Oh, no! She's very, very, very, very, very, very, very slowly coming after us! We only have hours to escape! Hours!"
 * The NC pointing out how incoherent people sound when they yell in the film...complete with clips of The Tasmanian Devil.
 * "That's not a ride, that's a Hentai!"
 * CAAAAAA-I mean FIIIIIISH!
 * "I'm getting worried. I'm in a horror movie and I'm the only black guy around. Maybe I should hire more black people." He does, and it works.
 * "EXPECTO PATRONUM!"
 * "Oh come on, now you're just teasing me! Come on down here and fight like a shark!"

Free Willy
"Nostalgia Critic: This is the story about a boy and his Willy. Let me try that again. This is the story about a boy and his relationship with his little whale. No. This the story about a boy who likes to hold onto his big fish-okay, this ISN'T what you think. It has Michael Jackson in it! Okay, just roll it..."
 * At the beginning:


 * The ending: "But like I said, it's not a terrible movie. I mean, it's not as bad as something like, A Troll in Central- Nope! ...Nope, nope! I know how this works. If I say the entire title, that means I have to review it next week. Yeah, I know this joke. I'm not doing it, mm-mmm. There is no way you're getting me to say A Troll in Central Park...!" *Next Week, A Troll In Central Park* "FUUUUUUU-" *cuts to sinister villain evilly eating popcorn*
 * Sinister villian evily eating popcorn is a CMOF in its own right, especially when you put it to Crowning Moment of Heartwarming scenes.
 * Also, the various Call Backs to previous movies he's reviewed: Seeing The actress who played Tank Girl and the villain from The Next Karate Kid again, the "CAAAAAT!" joke, a quick nod to his previous review of Jaws 3, the list goes on
 * His reactions to Willy's crying, comparing it to Curly having a hernia, Snarf from Thundercats getting neutered, Jar-Jar Binks in a blender and William Hung sucking on helium.
 * His assertion that Michael Ironside, as the villain, may be a robot "Disengage douchebag mode, engage indifferent sneer".
 * The beginning of the review. "But then we come across our enemies... *Beat* MAN! *cue the Scare Chord*
 * Along with an image of a crying kitten, no less.
 * "Spider!" *Chucks baseball through a window.

A Troll In Central Park
"Nostalgia Critic: (as the mom) "Yes, we ALL have to appreciate what we have. For example, I could've been the star of "Saved By The Bell". (getting more frantic) I was the star of "Saved By The Bell", but for some reason I'm NOT the star of "Saved By The Bell". "Good Morning, Miss Bliss" my fucking ASS! ... (mouths "sorry").""
 * "TELL A STORY!"
 * After the mom (voiced by Hayley Mills) tells Stanley to appreciate what he has:

"Stanley: Now he's going after my nads! MY ENCHANTED NADS! OH! PLEASE! PLEASE! GOD! I still love you."
 * "My Little Pony, the Care Bears, the Teletubbies, Pound Puppies, Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Barney the Dinosaur, the Smurfs, all the High School Musicals, Jem, and the goddamn Getalong Gang are fucking BUTCH compared to this!"
 * The phone calls with Stanley the Troll.
 * "I love you!"
 * The Critic managing to dream up a porcupine growing out of his anus, said porcupine becoming a T-Rex, and said T-Rex eating Stanley, and from INSIDE HIM no less... ALL OVER THE PHONE.

"Five Year-Old: And then the troll says "I'm a baad troooll".
 * The line about Stanley "ensuring all the good things that come flowers, sunshine, and animals that smile with their mouths open."
 * The Critic subverting his argument about the movie being intended for a wall: "Here's the last wall they showed it to. (the house implodes)"
 * "Should've rented Iron Giant."
 * "(GASP!) Did [Gus] actually suggest that somebody have BALLS in this movie?!?!"
 * Gus: (to Stanley) "You'll never have a dream come true! And you know why?"
 * Critic: "(flashes a list on screen) Take your pick."
 * Here is the Full list: He's annoying. He's obnoxious. He won't shut up. He's a pansie. He sings to flowers. He's as bland as Edward from Twilight. He's vomitingly cute. His logic makes no sense. He need to die. He's looks like a rejected muppet. He's a coward. He has three teeth. He lives a delusional nutball. He lives in Central Park yet is still alive. He's ruining this whole friggin' movie, as well as cinema in general. The oompa loompas could beat him up. He makes Mini-Me look tall. He gets excited when todlers kiss him. He's the only troll more annoying than the ones from Encyclopedia Dramatica. A termite has bigger balls than him. Did I mention he's annoying?
 * His responce to Stanley being turned to stone: "HOORAY!"
 * Not to mention his reactions to New York City being plant-ified, mainly suggesting that this was just Stanley's evil plant-based plan.
 * The directional arrows (a la Dragon's Lair) at the scene where Stanley the troll runs around in New York traffic.
 * FUCK IT!
 * "ZUUL, MOTHERFU-HEY!"
 * His sketch after a troll starts singing: "I'm a baad troooll...". "OK, this is what happens if you let your five year-old write the screenplay!"

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, that's good, son! (starts typing) "And then troll said: I'm a baad troooll"...

Five Year-Old: I have to go potty.

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, EVEN BETTER! (starts typing) And then he says: I have to go potty"...

Five Year-Old: No, really, I-I have to go potty.

Nostalgia Critic (disappointed): Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead, go... go potty.

(Beat)

Nostalgia Critic (starts typing): Still good line, though..."

"Nostalgia Critic: Watch. Ahem. A Troll in Central Farck... FUCK THIS MOVIEEE! *punches himself in the face* A Troll in Central Park!"
 * "Duel of the Fates" playing during the climactic thumb-war sequence.
 * Similarly, the Back to The Future theme playing when
 * The very intro of this review in which Critic is so angry this movie that, as he proves later, even saying its title pisses him off.


 * "Boy, Lindsay Lohan really let herself go."
 * "(regarding Stanley) The only way to describe him is imagine Bilbo Baggins just ate the Lucky Charms leprechaun and got shit out through Dopey's anus. And that's the nice version!

Theodore Rex
"Katie Coltrane: "He's a dinosaur!"
 * Chipmunk Jawas...?
 * The Critic's response to Whoopi Goldberg's Kid Sidekick, Sebastian. Yeah, he cues that music.
 * The partner-up scene, or, more specifically, the Critic's response:

Critic: "He is-I ch-buh...whuh?""

"Nostalgia Critic: It's like what Jack Nicholson would see in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest after he got lobotomized.
 * Critic's quest to justify the premise of the movie:

Jack Nicholson: I see Whoopi Goldberg and a T-Rex solving crime.

"Chief" Bromden: *presses pillow on Jack's face* Yes, you need to die now."

"NC: (spotting the caterpillar) Oh? And what's this?
 * His various movie pitches at the beginning including Betty White + Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, William Shatner + Pokémon, and Damon Wayans + the Gecko from the Geico commercials.
 * The Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas scene.
 * "Oh wait, I've seen this. Don't the Power Rangers come out and usually beat the crap out of these guys?"
 * Teddy's dialogue being replaced by mechanical noises in one part of the review.
 * "Run! We'll regroup with the Lollipop Guild!"
 * "And his quest to find that mysterious shoulder tapper begins."
 * "If I wanted to watch Whoopi Goldberg interact with dinosaurs, I'd watch The View."
 * "...What the hell? Why are they playing shuffleboard with Hershey's Kisses?"
 * Somewhere in the 14 minute mark has pretty much the funniest part of the review:

Teddy: It's a hairy hot dog.

NC: (shrugs) Of course it is! (laughs) If you want a hairy hot dog to talk to a finger puppet, turn into a butterfly, and float by a bunch of helium containers, I'm okay with that now! There's really no point in questioning it. It's like trying to save a sinking ship with a band-aid; anything I try to do would be completely pointless. (Beat, in a high-pitched voice) ...Save me!"

"Commissioner(appearing for the first time and seeing Teddy on a fundraiser): Teddy?
 * He's reaction to the fact the Richard Roundtree, a.k.a. Shaft is playing the commissioner.

NC: SHAFT?!

Commissioner: Not many people get to meet their maker on a fundraiser, huh?

NC: Oh, G... NOOO!!!

Another character: Excuse me, sir, is there, uh, something wrong?

Commissioner: Yes, yes, there's been a dinocide.

NC: Oh, and the fact that you're JOHN SHAFT AND YOU'RE TALKING TO A FUCKING DINOSAUR!!!"


 * "So now we cut to the... sprinkled testicle building..."

Top 11 Coolest Cinematic Cliches

 * The Klingon version of "Ode To Joy."
 * "...never play that again."
 * NO!!!!!!!!!!
 * Wyatt Earp LOSING HIS SHIT at the Nostalgia Critic at the end (because the Critic assumed the audience was sick of the cliches by then).
 * "I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember so you- (nearly gets shot) fuckin' crazy, Wyatt Earp!"
 * (Regarding Darth Vader's disappointing no): "Hell, Mr. Bill sounded more butch than you!"
 * Oh hey, I found my lost state id. *Beat, Evil Laugh*

Hook
"Kid: Dad, is there a Santa Claus?
 * The Critic shows us just how an encounter between the pirates of Neverland and the Pirates of the Caribbean would end up (with Barbossa shooting Peter Pan's daughter).
 * ZUUL, LITTLE MOTHERFUCKERS, ZUUL!!
 * The "Nutball!" sequence...with added Vengabus.
 * Peter yelling "I don't believe in fairies!" resulting in the death of Crysta.
 * The Critic encouraging writers of Star Wars Fan Fiction to rush to their typewriters after pointing out that the kissing couple that Peter and Tink pass by on their way to Neverland is played by George Lucas and Carrie Fisher.
 * "Oim heah to blur the loins of reali-tee!"
 * The sketch about the Critic acting out the role of a killjoy father.

Nostalgia Critic: No!

Kid: Is there an Easter Bunny?

Nostalgia Critic: No, I made that up too!

Kid: Dad, is there a God?

Nostalgia Critic: Well, scientifically speaking, they've never really proven that God actually exists, so probably not. In fact, the majority of religions if not all religions are completely false. (the kid starts crying) Oh, what?"

":
 * The out-of-nowhere cameo by :

Nostalgia Critic: What was that?"

"Peter: Come on, give me a hand.
 * When Peter tries to rescue his kids from Hook:

Hook: I already have.

Hook's Pirates: Ooooh...

Nostalgia Critic as Hook: Oh yes. I went there."

"Peter: I like this game. Ask me another one!
 * In response to Peter's memories regressing, to the point he forgot everything after he left Neverland:

Nostalgia Critic: Okay! Can you make a sentence out of these words? "UP THE FUCK SHUT.""

"*sniffle, wipes away a tear* My mother went the same way..."
 * "My Jack..."
 * "So after not killing him for a third time, our family finally decides to go home, happily ever af--Psych! Heil Hitler.
 * The Critic's reaction to Hook's death-by-falling-taxidermied-crocodile:

"Hook: And you'd better deliver, Ms. Bell, or no amount of clapping will bring you back from where I will send you....
 * The Critic's interpretation of a line from Captain Hook:

NC: There's a buttcrack with your name on it."

"Critic: I've been waiting here nine hours in this dress just praying that you'll stumble onto this. Thank you for stumbling onto this!"
 * "It's Dustin Hoffman, Peter! He's trying to out-mug you!"
 * "I believe in you, Peter. "
 * His pained, slightly crazed impersonation of Tinkerbell in her dress:

Independence Day
"Nostalgia Critic: But so many people tell me *mockingly* "Oh, it's a popcorn movie! Can't you just have fun?!". Well, let me tell you something: a waterslide is fun. All the slipping and sliding, it's just great! But if someone took you off the waterslide, shook you, gave you a noogie, and then spat in your face and put you back on the waterslide, you'd be like "...That wasn't fun. That was weird and annoying!". And THAT'S this movie!"
 * The Critic's analogy on why he doesn't like the movie:

"Nostalgia Critic: *screams in joy, arms up in the air*"
 * BOOMER WILL LIVE.

"Critic: *slapping himself* BOOBS! You like BOOBS!"
 * Made even better by the fact that the line is said in the Critic's Optimus Prime voice.
 * "Stand back! He's gonna go for it! He's gonna go for it! He's gonna go for it! He's gonna go for it! AAAAAAAAH, HE JUMPED THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!"
 * *Explosion* "WOW! It jumped the shark so high it's nearly in orbit!"
 * EAT LASER TIC TACS!!!
 * The Critic fantasizing about Will Smith.

"ALF: *silence* Hey, uh, press that button, would ya?
 * "Stephanie? Stephanie is that you?" Too bad the joke goes on for too long.
 * No, it doesn't. Not nearly.
 * Guess who's in the alien ship, blowing us up? It's ALF, Darth Vader, a xenomorph, and Marvin the Martian playing poker!

Alien Xenomorph: Huh? Oh, right. *beep*"

"Jeff Goldblum, looking like Jesus: No."
 * "Ahh, yes, I'd like to, return this taco, ahh, to you because there was, ahh, ahh, ahh, no sauce on it and, as we all know when there is, no sauce ahh, on the taco and you realize it is, not spicy and ahh, blah, blah, blah, if it is not spicy, ahh, well then you all know that it means, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, * dramatic stare* CHECKMATE." * dramatic sting*
 * "Do a barrel roll!"
 * *celestial chorus plays in background* "My god, Jeff Goldblum, is there anything you can't do?"

"Judd Hirsch: I'm Judd Hirsch, I'm the Jewish stereotype!
 * "An alien race that wipes out Earth but is killed by our viruses? *scoff* Whoever heard of such a thing? *image of the 1953 version of War of the Worlds* "*sneeze* Jerk-off! *sneeze*"
 * "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!" *punch* "Ow..."
 * Will Smith: "Now that's what I call a Close Encounter." *The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air credits play*
 * *President fires a missile to see if the shield is down yet. Missile explodes on shield. Kang and Kodos laugh evilly. Second missile is fired and hits the ship. Kang gets scared*
 * "Cast, step forward and state your stereotypes!"

Robert Loggia: I'm Robert Loggia Luh-GUY-a, I'm the gruff military stereotype!

Randy Quaid: I'm Randy Quaid, and I'm the redneck stereotype!

Brent Spiner: I'm Brent Spiner, and I'm the geeky stereotype!

Harvey Fierstein: I'm that guy from Mrs. Doubtfire, and I'm the gay stereotype!

Harry Connick, Jr.: I'm Harry Connick Jr., and I'm the annoying best friend stereotype!

Jeff Goldblum: I am Jeff Goldblum, and I am in and of myself, uh, a stereotype."

"Nostalgia Critic: "A hurricane was spotted on the Eastern Coast -- PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!""
 * When the Critic hears the newscaster saying "God help us all", we get this:

"Dark Helmet: LONE STAR!"
 * "I can out-Jew you!"
 * The critic muses as to what the President's dramatic speech would have been like if the aliens had attacked on a different holiday...like Talk Like a Pirate Day.
 * "Whose side you gonna be on, the humans or the aliens?" *takes his cap off and puts silver antennae on his head* "Nanu-nanu!"
 * Pointing out that the President of the United States is played by Bill Pullman.

"Lady on TV: They elected a warrior and they got a wimp.
 * "And you'll never believe it, no, you'll never expect it...the best friend dies!" Stan: "Oh my god, They Killed Kenny!" Kyle: "You bastards!"
 * When they talk about the president on the news:

Nostalgia Critic: Ah, it's the Obama administration."


 * "Oh no, *Sob* this is giving me an emotion. Must. Not. Act. *Sob* Must. Not. Act."
 * "Mother's dead?"

The Room
"Nostalgia Critic: [After he immediately calms down following a good 10 seconds of Angrish] Why, yes. Yes he is, young lady. He has passed on. This person is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff! Bereft of life! He rests in peace! If he didn't shoot himself, he'd be pushing up daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! HE'S OFF THE TWIG! HE'S KICKED THE BUCKET! SHUFFLED OFF THE MORTAL COIL! RUN DOWN THE CURTAIN AND JOINED THE FRIGGIN' CHOIR INVISIBLE! THIS...IS AN EX-PERSON!!!!!"
 * "You didn't know it was him? You didn't recognize the five foot girly-haired French zombie until he took off his sunglasses?!"
 * The Driven to Suicide scene, starting with the Please Wake Up from Mark to the Monty Python Shout-Out to quoting Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet. Actually, let's just say the entire freakin' movie and leave it at that.
 * "Is he dead"?

"Critic: What, was the screensaver while the movie loads? *Loading bar pops up as the scene plays again, reading 'Loading Dick Sauce of a movie...'*"
 * "Well, I better replace it, then."
 * GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHD!
 * The Critics's reaction to the random San Francisco shot during Johnny's Birthday party.

"NC: (sarcastic chuckling) Hehehe... that's not funny, you sick fuck."
 * When Johnny laughs at Mark's story about a girl being beaten up.

"NC: Oh my God, do you need landing lights to the bed?! She wants to sleep with you! That's the thing she does every other stinkin' time you're over, you fucking idiot!"
 * The Critic's increasing exasperation with Mark's obliviousness to Lisa's advances.

The Phantom
"Critic: Let's talk about The Phantom! *cuts to Phantom of the Opera* No. Not that Phantom. *cuts to Gerard Butler as the Phantom of the Opera* Eww! Definitely not that Phantom! No, believe it or not, there is actually something far worse than Gerard Butler singing... *Beat* Almost."
 * At the beginning of the review:

"Don Karnage: "Attack!" *fires guns*"
 * "All of our future plans are SKULLS!!"
 * Also: "Pfft. What businessman would honestly question a supernatural treasure hunt for an evil skull that has demonic powers?" *eye roll, smile*
 * The ending, where.
 * Among the other criticism about the Phantom's appearance: "You couldn't be more obvious if you were shitting fireworks!!!"
 * "Run! It's the gayest thing you've ever seen!"
 * "Ha! I am acting!"
 * The intro with the pirate leader, Canisang (Freeze frame with caption "I don't know, can you?" Rimshot!)
 * "So the plane that's carrying Diana gets ambushed by air pirates."


 * "Aww... but I was so cautious!"

Zeus and Roxanne
"*arrow on Guttenberg* "Is afraid she has seen the Police Academy movies""
 * Playporpoise.
 * DOLPHIN PUNCH!
 * Blind Date with Steve Guttenberg.

"Zeus: I've always loved you.
 * The triumphant return of the "Wah Wah machine" when Guttenburg's son makes him another omelette.
 * Nyaaaaaaa! This movie sucks! You got totally screwed... Did you even see the poster? And you paid money for this...
 * Porn music playing when the dog notices the photo of a dolphin.
 * His reaction to "If a dog and a dolphin can get along, why can't our mom and his dad?"
 * WORLD PEACE DECLARED
 * The Critic laughing his ass off at Zeus sliding off the boat -- complete with slide whistle sound effect!
 * "The only problem is, she has competition with...AAAAHHH! The Mummy!" * main theme from The Mummy plays *
 * "Just sit right back / and you'll hear a tale / a tale of a fateful trip!"
 * The subtitles for Zeus and Roxanne communicating with each other.
 * The subtitles for Zeus and Roxanne communicating with each other.

Roxanne: That's totally gross, you're an abomination.

Zeus: Come on, my balls are gone but I can still get the job done.

Roxanne: JESUS you're nasty! Get the fuck away from me, perv!"


 * The scene where Roxanne is trying to communicate with Guttenberg.
 * Critic: What's that? Lobster people are invading the forest with blenders? Ninjas from another planet are planning to steal all the earth's corn??

Animaniacs Tribute
"Slappy: When's the last time you saw the Family Guy get hit on the head with a mallet? It's never gonna happen."
 * Mr. Director from Animaniacs discusses his film Bushkabliben, "like a fairy tale from Tommy Wiseau" that won The Award of Cleveland.
 * In a similar vein, Slappy the Squirrel making a (vocal) appearance.


 * "Water go down the hooooooole!"
 * When Critic childishly tells Nate to do it again, he responds with a completely deadpan "No way in hell." Cue your traditional Critic tantrum. And if you look at it another way, the Critic just got told off by Skippy Squirrel.
 * "Yes, well, I love to destroy careers".
 * The discussion about the total censor failure.
 * "Yes, well, I'm not really one to comment, since I'm one of the few people who framed a twitter from Roger Ebert..." *image of Ebert's twitter post in a digital photo frame*
 * "It was the worst kind of celebrity for me at that age, you know? I was thirteen, and trying to look very masculine and for the ladies, but they all thought of me as this cuddly-wuddly fuzzy little squirrel. And that did not help me with the ladies for quite a while. Yeah."
 * "It's tough being a squirrel."

The Flintstones Movie
"Halle Berry's Character: How would you like your coffee?
 * Halle Berry trying to save the film by flashing the audience.
 * "Science of Wile E. Coyote, don't fail me now!"
 * "Monkey!"
 * Trying to avoid Unfortunate Implications after Halle Berry asks how Fred wants his coffee.

Nostalgia Critic: Bllllaaaaaaa-- *voice starts dying down as he realizes how tactless finishing the word "black" would be*

Fred: In a cup.

Nostalgia Critic: Good answer!"

"Cliff: Give me the bird.
 * After seeing all the Incredibly Lame Puns: "Ow, ow, joke hurting me!"
 * This exchange:

NC: Gladly! *blows into his own thumb to simulate inflation, then flips him the bird*"


 * NC wants to watch Tar Wars instead of the actual movie.
 * All the Dune jokes during the scenes with the Kyle Mac Lachlan character.

Mr. Nanny
"NC: Uhh, you know, there's a difference between pranks and attempted murder. I mean Jesus, kids, this is some creepy shit!
 * His reaction to the kids' sadism, when Hulk Hogan steps out of the shower to get electrocuted.

Alex Jr.: It's only low voltage. It can't kill him.

NC: Ah, okay, I guess it's not that bad.

Kate: Then crank it up!

NC: *disturbed expression; Hulk Hogan getting shocked, then screen cuts to cemetary* Okay, okay, that didn't happen, but it might as well!"

"Hogan: NO MORE GAMES, NO MORE TRICKS! YOU'RE GONNA SIT HERE, 'TIL I TELL YOU TO GET UP! FROM NOW ON YOU BETTER ACT RIGHT, CAUSE I! AIN'T! LEAVING!!"
 * And then the Critic's realization that they go for both sides of S&M, as they're really, really, really eager to be punished.
 * Tell Dee Dee to shtay out of my room!
 * “Sean Armstrong died immediately on impact. The children are now in an institute for the criminally insane. Max never did another Muppet movie.”
 * After the girl stops Hulk Hogan from stepping up to the bullies: "Dumbass kid, you have a fucking Hulk Hogan and you don't even know what to do with him! That is unless you consider dropping him in a pool of red dye as using him productively!"
 * And the aformentioned scene with Hogan now soaked in red dye played in SCARY SLO-MO!


 * "Yeah, your pants feel a lot heavier, don't they?"
 * "Sing!" "SSSIIINNNGGG!!!"
 * "The household appliances...win."
 * "Oh, it's my Douchemeter. It tells me I'm supposed to neglect you until the climax of the movie. Can't blame an overused formula!"
 * "I can hear colors. My penis is numb."
 * ..."Is it me, or are they playing I Will Survive?"
 * His impression of Hulk Hogan as a woman.
 * "Heh heh...it's funny because he almost died."

Rocky IV
"Drago: "Uhm... I don't know what you guys usually do, but in Russia we just punch one another.""
 * In Soviet Russia, evil catchphrases say you!
 * "The hiiiiiiillllllllls are allllllliiiiiiiiiveeeeeeeeee..."
 * "...with the sound of DRAAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOO!!!"
 * Calling the robot Shark-Jumper 5000 and comparing it to putting a singing giraffe in a Godfather movie.
 * Relatedly, his low voiced realisation as to how un-gritty the movie is. Which is followed by...."WHY DO YOU EXIST?!?"
 * "I'm sorry you can't come back from that. Talk about the fight all you want but all I can think of is that robot giving Pauly a handjob."
 * The NC pointing out how anything can be made awesome via a Rocky-esque montage by showing the Care Bears dancing and a scene from the Star Wars Holiday Special intercut with said montage.
 * The real kicker in this bit comes when it mixes footage of Drago with the intro to The Brady Bunch.
 * The interlude to the fight between Drago and Apollo. All of it.

"Adrian: "I can't support you!"
 * "I agree with Drago, I'm confused as to what the hell's going on here"
 * Nostalgia Critic's rendition of the conversation between Adrian and Rocky.

Rocky: "Fine!"


 * beat*

Rocky: "So... you come in the fourth act to support me?"

Adrian: "Don't I always?"

Rocky: "Cool.""

"Announcer: "He says he puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars.""
 * The Russian translation of the final speech.

"Critic!Rocky: "Oh my God, this is a mistake. I immediately regret this. Oh, WOW is this guy tough! I can't feel the left side of my body! I don't remember who my mother is. Now I think I'm a cuckoo-clock. The more I think about it, the robot needs a sister. UUNNCLLEEEE!!!""
 * Everything the Critic has Rocky saying as Drago wails on him with each consecutive punch.


 * "Well, as you can see, Drago is training his body to be a heavyweight champion, while Rocky is training his body to be Amish equipment."

Chairman of the Board
": Aaaaaaah, !!"
 * "Dick joke, dick joke, dick joke, dick joke. Penis."
 * "PLEASE MOVE FORWARD!!"
 * "WHY are they dressed like Crash Test Dummies? Cheese."
 * "Cheese! It's as good as any other answer."
 * Critic's new comedic spin-off: "Critic & Trout".
 * "They eat lunch as an Indian and a cowboy. (beat) Why do you think I know?"
 * "You can't solve everything with a beach party! This isn't Saved by the Bell!"
 * When Carrot Top's character is ejected from his bed, it cuts to.

"(Raquel Welch shows up) Hello, Raquel Welch... (she leaves)...goodbye, Raquel Welch."
 * This Running Gag:

The Next Eleven Fuck-Ups
"Douchey's Mom: Ask him if he wants to stay for dinner!"
 * Him sticking a grenade up Douchey's ass (offscreen)...again.

"NC: Well of course, except for the appearance of the- * Bat-credit card appears * The Bat-nipples? Why would I care about the bat-nipples? They were in the last movie! * Bat-credit card appears again * Oh! Oh, I apologize! I must've seen that wrong. Sorry, heh! Let me just change my reaction accordingly. * ahem * A BAT CREDIT CARD?!! * goes berserk *"
 * "Good God! I have never had a dead person annoy me so much!"
 * "Except for him!"
 * Any time Douchey's mother speaks. "Are you masturbating again?!"
 * The Linkara 'speaking machine', which ends with Bat Credit Card.
 * A meta one: the video itself has an obvious mistake (which doesn't seem to have been intentional) when he talks about Bladebeak from Quest for Camelot making a Face Heel Turn rather than the other way around.
 * Douchey: A pox, a pox on both your houses!
 * The Critic: Please stop that.
 * "I live in a World of Warcraft and pornography! There is nothing else!"
 * (both) "Except complaining about the Nostalgia Critic".
 * Douchey: "LLLLLUUUUUUUCIFERR!"
 * The Critic: "Don't ya mean Chernabog?"
 * Douchey: "WHATEVER!"
 * His reaction to the Bat Credit Card on screen:

Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw
"Critic (as Merlin):"And he who pulls the sword from the stone, *hic* will be named ki- *starts laughing* I just thought of something. What if, just hear me out, what if, we put a bone in the stone? *laughing* I don't know why, I don't know why! Everyone's gonna be like, 'Why is there a bone in the stone? What's the point of it blablablabla' and I'm going to be like 'that contains puppy power.' *laughs* and, and everyone's going to be like 'Well what the hell is puppy power?' well, I'll tell you in a second" *smokes a joint, laughs*"
 * His reenactment of a drunk Merlin thinking up the "Bone of Scone"

"Cooler: Us Coolers are descended from King Arthur's puppy, Dig-alot.
 * McNasty's Daycare "Only 5 day's since our last mysteriously disappeared child"
 * His comment about the dog's disappearing nose.
 * "The sun is shining, the clouds are out, the cars stop in mid-dissolve."
 * "Oh boy, I think the director's kids wanted a cameo."
 * Tyler Durden editing the movie to include a shot of two greyhounds humping.
 * This bit:

Critic: *while facepalming* Who wrote this?!"

"Big Paw: I'd better hide!
 * "Be sure to take the dog with the pot on his head and the broom up his ass, I don't think he's well."
 * "Remember kids, you can talk to your dog. And for some reason it doesn't work, there's something wrong with you. You should be ashamed of yourself and feel totally awful you are unable to enjoy your dog. Sorry, we don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Maybe you're just an idiot."
 * It's...It's...It's...MontyPythonsFlyingCircus!
 * "For dry, red eyes, Clear Eyes is awesome."
 * His reaction to what Big Paw says after he sees his friends fall into a trapdoor in front of McNasty's mansion.

Critic: You'd better hide?! You're a dog the size of a T-Rex! Why don't you just fucking eat the house?!"

"Critic: ...Fuck this, I'm getting a turtle."
 * "What, did pound pussy just cause too much controversy?"
 * "Wow, thanks magic walking, talking dog! Boy, this is the best high EVER."
 * "There's something odd about that man", followed by Critic's reaction.
 * His reaction to Reflex's...reflex, which involves a Brick Joke.
 * "IS IT TIME?!?!"
 * His reaction to the utterly atrocious Villain Song: "Bring the rapping dog back!"
 * The scene where he comments on how fun the Puppy Pound is...then showing pictures of a real, depressing dog pound. The Critic trying so very hard and failing to keep the mood up by singing the show's theme song, making this go from jarring to funny.

"McNasty!Critic: Let me in at once! I am your new King!
 * "By the power of Greyhound!"
 * "Oh, hell with this! I'm devoting my life to catching Smurfs!"
 * His thing concerning McNasty's You Fail Logic Forever idea in which he thinks he's king because he has the Bone of Scone.

Guard!Citic: Err, no you're not, we've got a President.

McNasty!Critic: But I've got the bone, the bone!" *beat* *is shot by Guard!Critic*"


 * His reaction to the "director's kids" who got a cameo in the film. "Could you try act like you give a shit!?"
 * When McNasty and his cronies get thrown into a machine that turns them nice, the zap of the machine happened off screen, cutting back to dead skeletons!

The Pebble and the Penguin
"Hubie: Rocko, there's something you should know.

Critic: Your modern life is no longer in reruns."

"Narrator: Of all the penguins in all the world--
 * Followed by: "Next you'll be telling me that the cake is a lie!"
 * Morgan Freeman narrating.
 * The Critic excusing himself for a bath during yet another pointless song, then taking a toaster into the bathtub with him. He comes back to finish the review, though.
 * *as Rocko and Hubie escape from the ship during a storm* "The weather started getting rough! The tiny ship was tossed!"
 * Hubie: "I dream about (Marina) night and day! I see her face when I close my eyes!"
 * Critic: "I do things when that happens! Things that my penguin minister says make Baby Jesus cry."
 * This:

Humphrey Bogart: ... she walks into mine."

""This is the Wishing Star. Our attorneys advise you to stop ripping off Disney, or we'll sue you for the little that you have. Thank you, and never call us again." *click*"
 * Rocko, Hubie, Ash and the furniture around him laughing, then Ash shooting at the former two.
 * Michael Jackson's song from Free Willy playing when an orca attacks Hubie and Rocko.
 * "MAN-TITS AWAYYY!"
 * Upon seeing Rocko flying Hubie and Marina upwards to safety, the Critic turns the screen upside down, stating that the direction they appeared to be flying now was the direction they were really headed. Complete with a crash sound effect.
 * After they rip off the "Wish Upon a Star" thing from Pinocchio:

"Hubie: Sometimes I wonder what the colors mean...
 * His criticizing Hubie's song at the beginning:

NC: Uh, why don't you figure out what that lyric means first? It's like saying "I wanna know what the sounds smell like!""


 * Critic calling Drake's lair "Frankenberry's house".

Ernest Scared Stupid
"TROGDOOOOOOOOR!"
 * Bat-Bargo.
 * Marty! I've transformed myself into a withering black lady!
 * "ZUUL, YOU COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER ZUUUUUL!"
 * Cheap Cheap Cheap Shot Shot Shot
 * "Uh no sorry, Cinema Snob already reviewed Caligula. Besides, I don't want to see you naked."
 * The use of Troll 2's infamous Big OMG scene.
 * RIMSHOT WILL LIVE.
 * "So this of course summons the troll known as Trantor. Eh, that's not very impressive. Now Trogdor? THAT would be awesome!"

""Hooray! I'm a bi-racial, half-feline, cat person! How come I'm not more surprised?""
 * "Is it just me or does she look like Chester A. Bum's grandmother?"

"Douchey McNitpick: "In The Pebble and the Penguin, seals can grow that big. I've heard several discussions about it on numerous blogs..." *squish*"
 * I'm a bad troll...
 * The Reveal of the Troll Ernest caught.


 * More Nostalgia-Ween is on the way.
 * "Bipolar: The Family."
 * "Not even milk can stop me now!"
 * The sequence where the Critic drinks milk and grows up (and ends up safe from trolls), a reference to the classic "Milk. It does a body good" ad campaign. Example here.
 * *after a false scare* "He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed." *girl turns and sees the troll on the bed beside her*
 * *after the main boy runs away from the troll and comes to a stop, his back to the camera* "He's behind him. He's behind him. He's behind him. He's behind him. He's behind him. He's behind him." *turns aorund and the troll's there*
 * *Grabs the camera* It's NOT funny *Punch* It's NOT funny *punch* it's NOT funny *punch* It's NOT funny!! Beat *punch*"
 * "Let's do a body good, boys!"
 * "His acting was a bit wooden."
 * "Even God wants you dead, Ernest! That'll teach ya to say Mello Yello is better than Mountain Dew."
 * "GOT MILK, MUTHAFUCKA!"
 * "Look out! We're being attacked by Rob Zombie's deviantART page!"
 * "This is beginning to look like an episode of Cops (series)."

Top 11 Scariest Performances

 * Fail-in-the-box as a reaction to Vince Vaugn as Norman Bates in the shot-for-shot Psycho 1998 remake.

It
" shuts book and tosses it aside*"
 * The return of.
 * "I'm gonna shoot ya...all five of ya!"
 * "Take that, Spider-Man! Not the superhero, the...the you!"
 * The Critic repeatedly opening and closing the book as Pennywise is talking all culminating in:

"Narrator: "The only thing he could think of to do was to hold his bird book out in front of him like a shield and say as loud as he could the names of all the birds he could remember."
 * Critic pointing out that Tim Curry's performance is more hilarious than scary and then suggesting that they just left the camera running as he was acting goofy.
 * As Jonathan Brandis is mentioned, the elephant in the room peeks on camera... "Oh, piss off!" *elephant hmm's*
 * "Oh no, he's being assaulted by the California Raisins!"
 * "Oh hey it's a beautiful Tim Curry out to-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
 * "Who would ever be scared by ballo-" *cue to ominous balloon*
 * "BALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
 * The ending is freaking hilarious, bringing the Narm Up to Eleven for laughs. The reaction shots of Rob are even better.
 * His reaction to one of the boys surviving by shielding himself with a book and repeating birds' names aloud.

Nostalgia Critic: "...Whaaaaaaaat...?"

Narrator: "... hold his bird book out in front of him like a shield and say as loud as he could the names of all the birds he could remember."

Nostalgia Critic: "...Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy...?""

""Camera's purrrrty."
 * The Critic repelling The Mummy 1999 in the same way.
 * *slashes his wrists* "Oh, I should explain why I'm doing this... it... *beat* they'll get the rest."
 * BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEV!
 * Any and all times we are reminded that the Critic is drunk...

"Why are you all spinning?"

"I'm drunk, and I'm not even scared!"

"I'm the Vitameatavegamin boy.""

""I looked into its dead-lights." *looks at the camera with a scared face* *boing*
 * And when  appears and starts talking with everyone, Critic throws away his bottle of booze.
 * "This is like a stand-up routine at Jeffrey Dahmer's house!"
 * The Critic imagining Pennywise threatening Eddie, cackling insanely... and then just staring at him. Followed by a cameo of Bugs Bunny.
 * The Critic making fun of the sound effects used everytime someone has a flashback.

"You looked into its dead-lights?!" *exaggerated astonished face* *computer "ta-daaa" error sound*

"I looked into its dead-lights!" *retarded face* *rooster cry*"

""Rawr, I've got you now little boy! RAA--Oh my God, it's almost three!"
 * The Critic mocking the fact that the clown never eats the kids, wondering what is more important with his time.


 * The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song plays.*"

"Nostalgia Critic: What? WHAT? *throws whisky in his face* WHATT??????!!!!!!!! We waited three fucking hours for that??!! You can't be serious. You can't be serious!!"
 * EXTREME CLOSEUP!!! WOOOOOOAAAAAAH!!!
 * "We can either bring a machine gun or a slingshot. Rambo or Dennis the Menace? (thinks) You're going down, Mr. Wilson! PEWPEWPEW!"
 * The critic's reaction to IT's true form hilarious:


 * I'm the shadow of the moon at night...

Leprechaun
"Critic: *coughs* God enough, I'm sick of this shit! How the hell do you do that voice?
 * Mario Kart Death Race 2000
 * ZUUL, BEGORRAH, ZUUL!!!
 * "Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow! Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow!"
 * The Critic's impersonation of The Cinema Snob, and when he can't keep it up...

Snob: YEARS of drinking Crystal Pepsi, my friend."

"Aniston: Hello, hello? Help us please! Come help us, we're trapped inside of here!
 * The Raiders of the Lost Ark bit.
 * "What is this, Clovers for Algernon?
 * When Jennifer Aniston tries to call for help.

Pennywise: Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You DO? Well you better let the poor guy out. A-ha, a-ha, a-ha!"

"Critic: CAAAAAAAAT!
 * This bit.

Snob: DOOOOOOG!"

"Critic: "What are you doing?"
 * It gets better:

Snob: "I don't know, I just thought we were shouting animals.""

"Nostalgia Critic: Thanks for joining me, Cinema Snob!
 * And then Snob looks utterly crushed when Critic forbids him from joining in.
 * YOU WILL TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!
 * Snob smashing the Lucky Charms leprechaun.
 * Basically all of the Critic and Snob interactions.

Cinema Snob: Oh, thank you for-... no- this was a giant waste of time. (leaves)

Nostalgia Critic: ... Dickhole.

Cinema Snob: (childishly) You're a dickhole!"

"Nostalgia Critic (Imitating Cinema Snob): And we're going to review this little masterpiece, right here, toda-
 * And this exchange towards the beginning.

Real Cinema Snob: Uh, excuse me, what do you think you're doing?

Nostalgia Critic: ...I'm the Cinema Snob.

Cinema Snob: I'm the Cinema Snob.

Nostalgia Critic: No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

Cinema Snob: No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

Both in unison: Tssssssssssssss-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh.

Cinema Snob: Well, okay, what do you say we review this anus turkey together?

Nostalgia Critic: I would like that.

Both: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-tsssssssssssss-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhh."

""They're creepy and they're kooky.""
 * When the leprechaun gets his hand cut off...

"Alex: Fuck you, Lucky Charms!
 * Both Snob and Critic's reaction to the one epic line in the film:

(The Critic and Cinema Snob go into euphoria)"

"Snob: (as leprechaun) You will take me seriously!"
 * Three Guys Who Paint, On CBS!
 * "Hop on your pogo stick, your pogo stick, your pogo stick..."
 * The leprechaun wheelchair chase would have been funny enough already, but adding "Yakkety Sax" makes it downright hilarious.

"Both: Aww, come on!
 * How about when the tiny lepre-kart flips over the truck?

Critic: What, is the truck made out of styrofoam?!

Snob: My Hot Wheels don't flip over that easy!"

"NC: What did they end up doing with that guy?

Snob: Don't worry he's being handled by top men.

NC: Who?

Snob: Top. Men. (cut to the ending from Raiders of the Lost Ark)"

My Pet Monster
"Dear Diary: Bernie said another joke today. God, he's funny, if only he knew the feelings I had towards him. If only...I was brave enough to tell him. God I'm a coward! [...] I almost had my chance today, but I chickened out at the last moment. Stupid Billy, stupid! Ah...One day you will be mine."
 * The Critic behaving like a sexually confused little boy.
 * And writing in a diary exactly how a teenage girl would, kicking his legs and giggling a couple of times.

"Rob: Ah, Gary Larson. I like cows too."
 * Rob with a raptor head reading The Far Side.

"Critic: JESUS!!! *falls from his chair* The movie just got a sudden meth attack out of nowhere!"
 * Yup, I'm a Dinosaur.
 * "Yeah, 'cos I remember acting like a monkey in eighth grade. ...God, I was pitied."
 * "Daaaaaaw, thinking is haaaard!"
 * His epic rant about the monster presented in the movie.
 * "So let me get this straight. This childrens play thing that you can get at Toys R Us for like $15 is a better special effect than this animatroic CHUCK-E-CHEESE NIGHTMARE?!?! YOU LIED TO ME, MOVIE! YOU LIED TO ME! I thought I was getting﻿ this! But noooo! Instead I'm getting...*shudders* THE FUCKING CRACK BABY OF 'WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE'!"
 * When the monster goes through the fence in fast-motion


 * HE'S THE FASTEST THING ALIVEEEE!
 * "So the statue decides to transform Max because...DERPITY DO..."
 * "The ancient civilization of the Muppet tribe."

Nostalgic Commercials
"Narrator: Is that mom on Wet Banana?
 * The whole Wet Banana commercial.

Critic: *Spit Take*

Narrator: It is!

Critic: Mom! Get off my Wet Banana! ...What would Dad say?"

"Critic: *listening to the "To Be Or Not To Be soliloquy, eyes crossing in confusion around the middle, ultimately leading to his head a sploding around "for in this sleep of death, what dreams may come"*"
 * Dinosaur!Rob trying to comfort the Critic.
 * "I'm a Dinosaur."
 * Well Christmas may be canceled forever.
 * Theorizing that Ecto Cooler may have very well been Slimer's splooge.
 * Santa Sex Hot line. That is all.
 * The Micro Machines guy doing an audiobook of Hamlet.

"Barney: Hey Fred, how can we celebrate Christmas if Jesus hasn't been born yet?
 * Fridge Logic of The Flintstones

Fred: Just eat your fuckin' cereal."

"Narrator: It's fun to help Magic Potty Baby learn to use her potty.
 * The whole Magic Potty Baby bit.

Critic: NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S FUCKING GROSS!"

"Kid: YEAH!
 * The Critic mocking the kid from the construction vehicle toys commercial.

Critic: YEAH!

Kid: MOVE!

Critic: MOVE!

Kid: GO!

Critic: GO!

Kid: BAKE!

Critic: BAKE! What?"


 * About the picture labeled "Apple Jacks '94" at the end of the Apple Jacks commercial: "Do you think the kids from IT did that? Like when they all took that picture together they simply labeled it as the summer of Apple Jacks '54? Y'know, instead of the summer of OH MY GOD A KILLER CLOWN A FUCKING KILLER CLOWN DON'T EVER FORGET THE KILLER CLOWN A KILLER CLOWN."
 * How he mentions the kid from the Giggles cookies commercial is laughing harder than someone stoned of their ass.
 * "Turn the gas off! TURN THE GAS OFF!!!"
 * Concerning Chia pets:
 * "Behold, the most boring thing IN THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN' WORLD!!!"
 * "Gee, that's a hairy fucker! And it doesn't bounce in the slightest! This'll do us well."
 * Critic's parody of Poor Jack is this, a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming and a Crowning Moment of Awesome all in one.

Old vs New: The Ten Commandments vs. The Prince of Egypt
"Prince of Egypt God: I am that I am.
 * God vs. God

"I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!""

""YOUR ASS IS GRASS.""
 * "Moses Moses" and the reference to the Super Mario Bros. movie.
 * At the end, God reminds Critic that He is indeed a vengeful God . The Critic's 30-second-long reaction sells it.


 * Alien Moses. And the theme to The X-Files playing in the background!
 * One Moses to Live will be right back...

The Thief and the Cobbler
"Critic: The name of the film is "The Thief and the Cobbler... Or, "The Princess and the Cobbler".... Or, "Arabian Knight"?... Or, "An Abomination of Assness", which is what most people call it."
 * At the beginning:

"NC" (imitating a toddler's voice): *Picture of a tack* Tack! *Picture of a maze* Zig-Zag! *Picture of a slice of pie* Yum-yum! *Picture of the the title card of the movie* Shitty fuck fuck, shitty fuck, shit fuck!"
 * Vincent Price and his pre-recorded phone calls to the Critic.
 * "Oh, and do look out for that pumpkin." Which prompts the return of "PUMPKIN?! PUMPKIN, WHAT?!"
 * "I've planted a time-bomb in your house before it was built. It's set to go off in fifty seconds."
 * "One, two, skip a few, fifty. *KABOOM!* Heehee, I love it when I'm nasty!"
 * The return of the Mind Fuck montage.
 * "Basically, this film is a product of ANIMATED INBREEDING!"
 * The Critic's parody of the unbelievably generic songs in the film.
 * Made even funnier when you look at the lower left-hand corner and see the words "Directed by Tommy Wiseau".
 * His note about how all the main characters have names that sound more like a baby learning how to talk, and his enactment that follows:

"Zigzag: "Now that I have the balls--"
 * The Critic's (rather creepy) super head-turn.
 * The OF COURSE! meme preempts the Critic's usual line.
 * And this Accidental Innuendo:

Yakko: "Good night, everybody!""

"*the 3 balls turn into the dragonballs as Rockthe Dragon plays*
 * And who could forget the "Butt scratcher!" gag?
 * Or the critic wondering what in the heck the power of the 3 golden balls could be...

Critic: *dismissive laugh* Naw, that can't be it."


 * "The grass felt soft on my feet, why don't I monolouge about that for several hours? The grass is green, a frog is green, I'm sure I can talk about this in great detail somehow."

Waterworld
"Oh look! The Smokers got her! Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're all IDIOTS!"
 * STUFFFFFF!!
 * The best one was where he was playing the Mortal Kombat theme.
 * "LET'S GET READY FOR STUUUUUUUUUUFFFF!!"
 * "FOOD!"
 * "Next time I'll give you a perm. With BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS!"
 * How appalled he is that Costner sends Helen down into the water when he should know better than to leave the kid on the raft after completely blowing his location to the Smokers just minutes prior.

"Critic: Okay, this is turning into a watershow. Just slap the Universal Studios Florida logo in the corner and the advertising takes care of itself."
 * While we're at it, the idiot clock itself was a pretty good crowning moment as well, as it leads right up to this payoff.
 * "She can't swim!" "SHE CAN'T SWIM?!! YOU'RE IN A PLACE CALLED WATERWORLD AND YOU CAN'T SWIM?!?! That's like being in the Arctic and not knowing how to put on a coat! Some things just go without saying!"
 * During the Smokers' highly-choreographed attack on the atoll:

""We can look to our own for impregnation, but... too much of that sort of thing gets... undesirable..." *Dueling Banjos*"
 * Hurrah!
 * Hurroo.
 * How about when the people on the Atoll try to pass off a young woman on Costner?

"Atoll Chief: In the interest of public safety, he is hereby sentenced to recycling!
 * This little gem:

Nostalgia Critic: Into WHAT, Keanu Reeves?"

"Gregor: I'm sorry! It was an accident!
 * Or when Gregor unleashes his flying device...

The Wizard of Oz: I can't come back, I don't know how it works! Goodbye folks!"

"NC: His fro can block out the light of a thousand suns, his teeth can take out the biggest of Kahuna burgers and his constant use of the N-Word makes my mommy so angry but he's so worth the R-rating (Jackson fires a gun) Ahhh!
 * The loop of Enola getting punched.
 * The Goofy yell added to when the Mariner gets whiplashed off his own boat.
 * "AAAAAAAAAH!" "AAAAAAAAAH!" "Ba-bomb!"
 * The Critic using his little kid voice to make Samuel L. Jackson sound more badass in Pulp Fiction like Enola's attempt to make Costner's character sound more badass;

Jules: I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?"

"Costner: *dully* My boat.
 * His response to Costner's Dull Surprise.

Critic: *monotone* You maniacs. You blew it all up. Damn you. Damn you all to hell."


 * "They meet up with a drifter who I swear to God is played by perverted Robin Williams."

Little Monsters
"Nostalgia Critic: Oh, you mean a naked April O'Neill covered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce? (Beat) I'm an early bloomer, so WHAT?!"
 * Return of the SCARY SLOW-MO!
 * The "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder".
 * THAT'S PAZUZU!
 * The montage song: "An eighties montage fixes everything! Except when you show people eating! What the hell? I thought this was an eighties montage! All of a sudden it just kinda stopped. Shouldn't we be seeing some stuff? Cut against other stuff, oh wait here we go! We're back to the eiiighties montage! Now the buildup can finally begin. Oh wait, I guess it's over now. Boy, that was pretty fucking lame."
 * Annoying Supernatural Fast Talking Dick Club.
 * The Critic's part-utterly horrified, part-insane smile when they all talk at once, as he slowly reaches to put his gun in his mouth.
 * "POINT MADE." "*put gun down* Oh thank GOD!"
 * "What goes on down there is every kid's fantasy!"

"Nostalgia Critic: Does it have to be written in Howie Mandel's contract that ever single character he plays is allergic to bright light? Are bright lights part of his OCD? Does he have some kind of paranoia against them? Seriously, what would happen if he stepped in bright light?"
 * His reaction to the consequences of children getting yelled at for the pranks Brain and Maurice pulled off. "Why not just show their beatings? Oh, look! This one's getting the belt!"
 * Because you're AWFUL!
 * Little Monsters, Because god hates you!
 * "I want my BROTHER!!!"
 * "As well as some FOOD!!"
 * After noting that Howie Mandel is, for the second time, playing a monster that's allergic to light:

Rover Dangerfield
"Critic: Hey, Harold! I got this great idea for a kid's movie! It's me as a dog!
 * His version of Rodney talking about the film with Harold Ramis:

Harold Ramis: I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.

Critic: Glad you like it! Bye! Ho ho!"

"Nostalgia Kitten: A CAT CREDIT CARD??!!!" Eh? Eh? [Is shot. Duck Hunt dog appears with a sub-machine gun and laughs]"
 * Any comment on the incessant one-liners!
 * The Jeopardy! bit when he wants us to guess the one-liner.
 * The build-up to the "corn dog" line.
 * "GO FARM EQUIPMENT!"
 * "What's next, a Nostalgia Kitten?"

"Critic: Yeeeaah, um... how many more one-liners are there in this movi-?
 * "No respect at all."
 * Straight after the first time delivers a series of bad one-liners.


 * 3,422*

Critic (voice cracking): OH, GOD!!"

"Critic: All in favor of skipping this song say "Fuck off!"
 * "It could be worse. I mean this is a kid's film they could be singing a song right now--NO NO NO NO NO NO!"

Audience: "FUCK OFF!"

Critic: Thank you!"

"Farmer: This is hard for me Rover, but you've taken a life.
 * The bit with Treebeard about the amount of trees used to make the film. The sign saying "For Rover Dangerfield" and the Ear Worm song playing in the background at realisation makes it 100 times funnier.
 * The "The End" title cards
 * The Audience reaction to the turkey scene.
 * Comparing Rover to the Duck Hunt Dog.
 * When the kid reads Rover's name off the dog's tie: "At least it says so on his Nostalgia Critic tie!"
 * Comedians who could be in bad animated spinoffs:
 * Red Robin Williams, Andrew Dice Clay, The Chris Rock, Eddie Lizard, and Pen & Teller
 * "Yeah, they're shit! But they're still better than this fucking crap!" What's also funny is that he's acting like one of those awful art students, the ones who do great work in under five minutes, call it crap and make their peers seethe with jealousy.
 * "Heh-hey, looks like I did end with a bang!"
 * This exchange.

Critic: A life that... we were gonna take anyway. Um... but, um...

Elisia: IT WAS A LIFE!

Critic: Yeah, what she said!"

"Critic: Can someone please tell me why the sheep were in the tree?

Graham Chapman: These sheep are laboring under the misapprehension that they are birds. Notice how they do not so much fly as plummet."

"Critic: Its the greatest time of the year, Christmas. Christmas has everything you could possibly need; Santa, Snow, Presents, Zod"
 * The Shout-Out to The Nostalgia Chick's review of Showgirls. "Doesn't she know that everyone has AIDS and shit?"
 * This line from the beginning of the video.

You're A Rotten Dirty Bastard - A Christmas Special
"Roger: Oh come on! These can't possibly be as bad as Joe being the President of the United States.
 * Bargo (as Wembley Giggles): ...and that's when Mary Poppins had an abortion, and later she became a revolutionary!
 * The different variations of the reviewers:
 * I got a kick out of even Ask That Guy being much nicer and well-adjusted without the Critic around.
 * Roger and the Critic Tempting Fate after seeing Joe's alternate future.

Nostalgia Critic: I suppose you're right. I mean, it can't get any worse.

(Spoony's alternate future)

Spoony: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (Insert present-Critic's girly scream)"

"Roger: See, Critic, you really were a rotten dirty bastard, All the people you came in contact with would have led a better life [places his left hand on NC's shoulder] if you had never met them at all."
 * "Is this a pep talk? [...] Because pep talks are supposed to make you feel peppy, not make you want to take a shower with a fucking toaster!"
 * The "pep talk" itself, complete with Title Drop:

"Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you porn-reviewing fucktard!
 * The ending, when the Critic insults in turn each of the reviewers who had vastly better lives simply by not knowing him, and each one makes a retort displaying their hatred for him.

Cinema Snob: Blow me!

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you self-righteous activist for anything, you!

Nostalgia Chick: [Deadpan] I so wish you'd die.

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you pasty comic book-reading ass-magnet, you!

Linkara puts down his comic & flips the Critic off

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you over-excitable Puerto Rican jumping bean!

Angry Joe: Oh, I am so working on a hand grenade with your name on it.

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you pompous reject of everything likable, you!

Spoony: [Cheerfully] Thanks a lot, I'll see you in hell!"

"Santa Christ: Ho ho ho! So as you see, boys and girls, the moral of the story is...
 * "Hmm...so God lied to me....that seems like a bit of a dick move"
 * Spoony laughing maniacally for seconds straight at the camera. Even funnier when you realize he isn't aware that the Critic and Roger are there, yet he's still pretty much mocking him!
 * Once the fight scene between Roger and The Critic began. Roger's ability to slide across the ground, stop time to beat up the Critic, and that little tiger-roar when he smiled were too much.
 * The expressions on NC's face are the cherry on top.
 * The ending.

Santa Christ proceeds to look around the room blankly for three or four seconds, and the credits roll."

"Spoony:"
 * Good god, the bloopers. Doug and Rob turning Santa Christ into an anti-semite, Nostalgia Spoony laughing madly until he falls out of his chair, then completing his impression the only way possible:

"Doug: You're an asshole."
 * Speaking of impressions, Spoony's incredibly exaggerated take on the Critic's opening Catch Phrase followed by...

Raiders of the Story Arc: TMNT
"Announcer: This week on...SeeFee? S-Y-F-Y? Eh, Um, that wrestling channel."
 * The pull-string action figure of Dennis Miller, and the lines he says throughout the review.
 * The "Ninja Movie Week" bit

""Oh, I just remembered the reasons I love her so much: one on the left, and one on the right.""
 * The first shot of April O'Neill.

"Shredder: Tonight I dine on turtle soup!
 * TURTLE SQUEEZE
 * This exchange:

Uncle Phil: ...with pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes..."

"Michelangelo: Alright, dudes! Let's look for Shredder!
 * How Shredder, having known where the Turtles' headquarters were as early as episode 5, could've just destroyed them and the series would be over.

Technodrome breaks through the wall and smashes them."

"Raphael: Oh, great. Maybe we can get a tow to the closest plutonium station.
 * "Turtles fight with X!" or "Turtles X with honor!", in reference to Donatello's completely out-of-the-blue and out-of-context battle cry.
 * The look of despair that creeps over the Critic's face when he realizes that unlike his other January-month specials, this is going to suck.
 * When the turtles' flying car stops running and Donatello determines that the fuel consists of plutonium:

Marty McFly: Y-You don't just walk into a store and buy plutonium!"

"Critic: Oh my God, the loss of innocent life! Lord knows how many innocent families were in there and now are suddenly [sobbing] de-ea-ea-ead! Oh my God! The impact this must have on our heroes!
 * The Critic wondering how on earth they were able to drive the Turtle-Van underground to the Technodrome.
 * "And to your right, you'll see a giant Lego igloo."
 * The Critic's reaction upon realizing that the characters didn't care about the many likely deaths when April's apartment building collapsed:

April: Boy, they sure don't build 'em like they used to!

[The critic stares aghast for a moment]

Critic: Inconsiderate BITCH! What the hell would you say if you just saw the Hindenburg disaster? 'Uh-oh! Spaghetti-O's!'...THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

[An image of April appears with the words and condemning vocal "YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON" over the top.]"

"Critic: OK; we all know this gag. The woman overreacts and runs away screaming while *old lady pulls out a shotgun and points it at the turtles and April* HOLY SHIT !
 * This bit, which involves an old lady being scared by the turtles:

Old Lady: One twitch and you're history, scum ! Now back off, nice and easy !

Critic (Imitating the lady): Moses from Planet of the Apes says it's my right to own one of those things and BY GOD I'm going to exercise that right !"

"Critic: All right, sending camera crew to hmm-hmm-hmm. By any chance, is that off of "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP!" Street ?"
 * When April is kidnapped by some Foot soldiers :