SOS Pretty Cure

SOS Pretty Cure is a fanseries by Ryanasaurus 0077.

Haruhi Suzumiya is not your average girl. She prefers the company of aliens, time travelers, and ESPers to humans. She also proves her eccentricity within her very first month of high school. Many, including Haruhi herself, think she has Asperger's Syndrome; however, several episodes in it's revealed that she may be more than just a high-functioning autistic...

Anyway, right before Golden Week begins, Haruhi's life changes forever when she receives a surprise visit from a fairy called EVO, who is actually an alien from another world called Paranormaland. She instructs Haruhi to fight the forces of Fujiwara, and she rounds up four more North High students (Kyon, Yuki Nagato, Mikuru Asahina, and Itsuki Koizumi) for her new club, the SOS Brigade, while the five of them fight as Pretty Cure.

Pretty Cure:

 * Haruhi Suzumiya (Cure Dio): The main character and a slightly tomboyish girl who's very athletic and is a Fan Girl for Ronnie James Dio. Very bossy and arrogant, and very much a Type III Anti-Hero bordering on Type V until an incident involving tequila and a movie shoot. Unwittingly invents time travel later in the story.
 * Kiyohiko "Kyon" Tanigawa (Cure Chiave): Haruhi's first real friend in three years, and one she often gets into BST with. Pretty strong when he needs be and takes less punishment than Haruhi when both take comparable hits. It helps that Haruhi has him do a lot of work for her club.
 * Yuki Nagato (Cure Extraterrestre): The brains of the team and a Game Breaker in their favor. She loves to read and has abnormal hacking skills. She's also Teh Rei and speaks using sophisticated vocabulary (which can become Sophisticated As Hell at times, all while she maintains the deadpan), though she drops the stoic act as a Cure. Her Cure form itself, while acknowledged as a girl (at least in narration), is referred to by the characters using male pronouns if ever in the third person until Yuki's face is revealed behind that helmet. Actually of the same species as EVO, but with only a humanoid appearance.
 * Mikuru Asahina (Cure Tempo): A timid girl and The Heart of the team. Easily frightened by terrorbytes but has been able to hold her own in combat at times. Actually a time traveler from the future, although she refuses to admit where she comes from due to restrictions on what she can reveal about her time plane and its technologies.
 * Itsuki Koizumi (Cure Psichico): An enigmatic young man who takes a liking to Kyon and maintains a cool and cheerful attitude throughout the story (though watch out if you threaten Haruhi's life). Actually an ESPer from an organization full of them.
 * EVO / Yasumi Watahashi: A fairy from Paranormaland who is revealed by Yuki early on to be an alien. She's able to take on a human form and later attends North High while passing herself off as Haruhi's younger distant cousin, Yasumi Watahashi.

Anti-SOS Brigade:

 * Fujiwara: Also known as "that sneering bastard", he is the Big Bad and seeks to kill the God of the universe and harness said God's powers himself to Take Over the World. He is also a time traveler like Mikuru.
 * Kuyo Suo: Fujiwara's Dragon, and an alien like Yuki. She comes from a world at war with Paranormaland, and she tries to interfere with attempts at diplomacy by bugging Yuki later on. She doesn't appear until the second half.
 * Kyoko Tachibana: Fujiwara's only other humanoid hench(wo)man, an ESPer like Itsuki who first appears in the second half as an accomplice to Mikuru's kidnapping.
 * Sasaki: Kyon's childhood friend and the one Fujiwara's cult is pushing to be the God of the universe instead of Haruhi. This may put her in more danger than she ever bargained for, though to say any more would spoil the plot.

Now available for reading on Wikia.

A character sheet for this reboot can be found here.

This fanfic contains examples of:
"Kyon: Italiano, per favore.
 * All There in the Manual: How does the SOS Brigade know as much Italian as they do despite being Japanese high school students? Well, Haruhi learned the language via Rosetta Stone CDs during her junior high years, Yuki had the language programmed into her, Mikuru learned it as part of her time travel training, and Itsuki studied it under the Tamaru brothers. Kyon? He learned what he knows from an Italian dictionary in the clubroom.
 * Aloof Ally: Cure Extraterrestre, at least until the inevitable reveal that she's actually Yuki Nagato's Cure form. Even before The Reveal, though, she does serve as medic to the other Cures as needed.
 * Anachronism Stew: Demonstrated with Kyon's Joker costume (specifically, his nurse disguise from The Dark Knight) in episode 11, and Justified Trope by Mikuru with Exact Words.
 * Anti-Hero: Haruhi starts out as Type III bordering on Type V. She's expected to become Type II somewhere down the line.
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: The video store proprietor in episode 3 complains about the terrorbyte at his store scaring away his customers, knocking over his stock, and messing up his hair.
 * Buffy-Speak: Some characters are guilty of this, including Cure Dio in episode 9.
 * Bullying a Dragon: Done to a dangerous Ujasukus by a Reality Warper: not only does Cure Dio shoot Frickin' Laser Beams out of her own hands (yes, she can summon Frickin' Laser Beams without a single incantation; they're just not as strong, and they can only be fired out of her right hand), she even rubs it in the killer insect's face ("Terrorbyte hit!"). Needless to say, she found herself buried under a pile of books within seconds.
 * Call Back: In episode 1, Haruhi mentions that on some dates, she and her suitor at the time would go see a ballet. In episode 8, she sees a poster for Sleeping Beauty and remarks that Taniguchi tried to take her to see that ballet on the infamous 5-minute date.
 * Celebrity Voice Actor: Emma Watson as the Japanese voice of Haruhi and Bonnie Wright as the English voice of Sasaki.
 * Country Matters: The word isn't actually spoken, but there's a couple of references to the spoonerism "cunning stunt(s)" in early episodes, and episode 12 has Haruhi refer to a lousy hitter as a "clint" (which was one of two words forbidden by the Comics Code according to urban legend because they resembled different profanities when written in a certain way--guess which word "clint" was said to resemble?).
 * Curse Cut Short: In episode 9, when Cure Dio sees Taniguchi walk in as she regains consciousness.
 * Drill Sergeant Nasty: One of Haruhi's Out Of Character Moments basically amounts to this, complete with the Obligatory Swearing.
 * Exact Words: Mikuru's "classified information syndrome" at least has some use to it; she can justify Anachronism Stew for works (including characters) already created by 2003 by telling other characters that she remembers something from somewhere about an incarnation of said work (or character). What she doesn't specify (e.g. where it comes from, and that it doesn't exist yet) is actually "classified information" about the entertainment from her own time plane.
 * Fan Girl: Haruhi is this to Ronnie James Dio and his era of Black Sabbath, to the point where she does the metal horns at least Once an Episode on average (counting during her transformation pose).
 * Five-Man Band:
 * Haruhi: The Heroine
 * Kyon: The Big Guy
 * Yuki: The Smart Guy or The Lancer
 * Mikuru: The Chick
 * Itsuki: The Lancer or The Smart Guy
 * EVO: Mentor Mascot
 * Gilligan Cut: In episode 11.
 * Gratuitous Italian: All over the place. Even entire lines of dialogue are spoken in Italian on occasion. For example, in episode 12, the baseball episode:

Itsuki: È semplice: tu sei il quarto battitore perche Suzumiya si vuole. Non è una coincidenza. Suzumiya volle che tu salveresti il giuoco, e tu hai deluduto la."

"Kunikida: Laugh at my boner, will they?"
 * Itsuki's line can be roughly translated into English as "It's simple: you're the cleanup hitter because Suzumiya wills it. It's not a coincidence. Suzumiya wishes that you'd save the game, and you have disappointed her."
 * Have a Gay Old Time: The author is obviously using the word "boner" exclusively to describe the errors committed during a baseball game in episode 12; however, it reaches Silver Age Batman levels of unintentional innuendo when a Kamigahara Pirate scores a single on a boner committed by Kunikida.

"Haruhi: Sorry to disappoint."
 * I Work Alone: Cure Extraterrestre says this in episode 3.
 * James Bondage: How Cure Dio describes Kyon's situation.
 * Kick the Dog: Haruhi does this a few times in episode 5, including when she literally kicked Mikuru off her leg while extorting the Computer Research Society.
 * Large Ham: Haruhi, whenever the mood strikes her.
 * Laser-Guided Karma: Haruhi claims in episode 5 that retaining her Modesty Shorts under her Playboy Bunny costume would be effective in shunting blame from herself to Mikuru. It doesn't work: while Mikuru gets off scot-free (except for a brief psychiatric evaluation in the nurse's office after the teachers saw what she had just gone through), Haruhi gets a detention, but not for the stunt in and of itself; rather, she gets punished for traumatizing someone even a year above her in the process. While she does admit that was stupid of her, she doesn't regret what she did (though she does make a note of doing everything possible to make sure Mikuru doesn't go through such hell in public again when she decides to do something crazy on school grounds). To date, it's the only time Haruhi ever gets punished for her antics; in episode 6, she even says that she's surprised she didn't get grounded afterward.
 * Leitmotif: Cure Extraterrestre has her own, which is basically a sawtooth line accompanied by a few short bursts of distorted guitar noises that sound like a machine gun and action-style percussion in the background. When it plays as Yuki realizes that Kyon's life may be in danger in episode 9, it serves as Foreshadowing.
 * Magical Girl
 * Magic Skirt: Averted a lot here with Haruhi, of all people; she wears Modesty Shorts just to stick to the status quo. Hell, she IS the status quo!
 * Modesty Shorts: Haruhi is confirmed to wear these with her uniform in this incarnation; she even lampshades this in episode 4.

"Haruhi: Hey, you were looking up Mikuru's skirt! You pervert!
 * Mother F-Bomb: Almost; Cure Dio manages to vocalize two-thirds of the line, but before she can sound the "cker" part, Taniguchi drowns her out by yelling, "TAKE YOUR TIME!"
 * The Other Darrin: Owing to real-life circumstances involving Aya Hirano, Haruhi's seiyuu has been changed for this reboot; she's now voiced in Japanese by Emma Watson. Yes, that one.
 * Playboy Bunny: Episode 5. Hey, it had to happen.
 * Precision F-Strike: "Then I'll tell everyone at school that all you geeks ganged up on her and fucked her!"
 * Speaking of which, Haruhi/Cure Dio seems to have a special affinity for the S word.
 * Reference Overdosed: Let's see... Tron, A Fistful of Dollars, Shakugan no Shana, Agatha Christie, Ray Bradbury, Pirates of the Caribbean, James Bond, Scanners, the British Board of Film Classification, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Power Rangers, Back to The Future, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, Repo Man, the Civil War, Inspector Gadget and its sequel, Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, The Wizard of Oz, Godzilla, Dirty Harry, K-On!, MASH, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Dark Knight, and Scream. And counting.
 * Screw the Rules, I Make Them: Quoted word for word by Haruhi in episode 8.
 * Shout-Out: From episode 8:

EVO: Now's not the time!"

"Cure Dio: Piss off, motherfu--
 * Sound Effect Bleep: Done to Cure Dio in episode 9.

Taniguchi: TAKE YOUR TIME!"


 * Surprisingly Good Japanese: Haruhi's seiyuu here. Conversely, she doesn't dub her own voice despite English being her first language.
 * Take That: The author takes a brief jab at Ted Turner's crayons in episode 1.
 * Temporary Blindness: Haruhi goes nearly blind in her left eye in episode 1 after scraping it against concrete during a tumble down the slope outside of North High. She's cured when she first becomes Cure Dio. Also, she's briefly paralyzed from the waist down during a fight at the end of episode 3. This is quickly reversed by the enigmatic Cure Extraterrestre.
 * Tempting Fate: Haruhi mentioning how her Modesty Shorts would help her during the Playboy Bunny scene in episode 5. The real problem turned out to be something else entirely.
 * Tights Under Shorts: Part of Haruhi's casualwear except during the summer.
 * Tron Lines: Cure Extraterrestre. Lampshaded by Cure Dio in episode 4.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: Any time a Cure fires Frickin' Laser Beams.
 * Who Wears Short Shorts?: Flanderized as a regular feature in Haruhi's casualwear. Always paired with red tights except in the summer. It's also part of her Cure costume.
 * You Are Grounded: Averted twice: Akari (Kyon's sister) nearly gets grounded for waking up her parents in the middle of the night to tell them something weird and unbelievable, and Haruhi states in episode 6 that even she was surprised she wasn't grounded when her single mom found out about her detention. EVO does let her know, though, that she was lucky her mom didn't let her eat dessert for dinner that night and left it at that.
 * Zettai Ryouiki: Haruhi once again does this with her school uniform during the winter (the stockings get progressively shorter there as the weather gets warmer), and her Cure outfit pairs jean shorts with Grade A.