Survivor (TV series)/Funny


 * There's now a whole website devoted to this where you can find extended narratives and related images.

Borneo
"Richard: Sorry to leave you (all) without my music."
 * One of the final challenges involved the contestants running around with camcorders, filming themselves answering trivia questions. Rudy doesn't pay attention during Jeff's "Borneo Legends" spiel, and, in any case, knows he's not going anywhere. Cue Rudy repeatedly looking into his camera and answering "I dunno."
 * Hell, almost ANYTHING Rudy said was good for a chuckle.
 * Greg Buis, every time he appeared on screen (especially during his fake over the top Tear Jerker immediately following his ejection). His "pick a number" practical joke that he played during the Final Tribal Council of Borneo to this day still has people thinking that Richard won due only to luck (see Stealth Parody). Jeff Probst hated him because of his refusal to pay any reverence to the show or it's rules, and was rumored to have stalked the Survivor crew in the jungle just to push to get on their nerves. I still want a coconut phone because of this guy.
 * His uncut exit speech was amazing, insane, and insanely amazing: "I'm glad you could all join me here. It has been quite an evening. A twist of fate that maybe some didn't expect and some... well... some did. It seems I've been voted off! There are a few things I would have like to have done had I remained on the island. Climb a tree, some vines perhaps, and go for a bit of a run. It's hard to say otherwise. It's an excellent game, well manufactured and well thought-out. A microcosm of humanity and humanitarianism possibly, possibly not, possibly just a game. Confess my deepest, darkest secrets, is that what we're here for? I'm not sure. In fact, I'm not exactly sure what I'm here for anymore. I know that we're here; it's just you, me, and those around us. I'm not sure when they'll start closing in. I hear noises in the jungle now. Things might be happening. Things might be taken over sooner than we think. Whether the rebel forces will be able to counteract with something like Operation Tapioca, I will not say. But if it does happen, I know nothing about it. I was never part of any such operation or involved with any people that were. I'm just saying it might happen soon. This is the deep dark heart of the Bornean jungle. Never underestimate what could happen."
 * Also, apparently all of Pagong voted for Jeff Probst during their first trip to Tribal Council due to not taking the show seriously.
 * Greg's loved one video, featuring his equally crazy sister cracking incest jokes. Rudy looks like he's going to kill someone while watching it.
 * Richard, an overweight, hairy, gay man walking around naked on his birthday ("in his birthday suit" as Sean put it) while laughing at everyone being uncomfortable with it. What's not to laugh at?
 * Richard's obnoxious, hammy rendition of 99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall during the Episode 11 Immunity Challenge. Everyone is extremely uncomfortable with it, especially Rudy(due to a bit of Manipulative Editing, it's made to look like he dives off the platform just to get away from him), and when Richard finally reaches his crescendo, he falls backward into the ocean which cheers everyone up.

Australia

 * Colby Ain't No Hershey Bar!

Africa

 * Big Tom's reaction during the auction in Africa, when he and Ethan decide to buy a mystery dish together and share it. It was a breakfast dish, and it gave us a jolly Big Tom jumping all over the place going all "He did me wrong! I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you... after I kiss you!" as well as "Ham! He's a jew and he won't eat the ham! He's a jew, he's a jew!".
 * Brandon and Frank's Out of Africa movie date reward, mostly because of everyone's reaction to it back at camp. Tom said if he were playing a dirty trick on them, he couldn't have thought of something better.

Marquesas

 * Rob slamming the Rotu's when he get's switched over.
 * Maramau was one of the funniest tribe's ever. They even made a Radio Show each morning.
 * Actually, Marquesas is a very underrated season for comedy. What other season does a 50-ish woman pee on a gay man's hand?

Thailand

 * Thailand is also underrated in terms of comedy value. Brian, Clay and Helen had their own share of hilarious soundbites, Robb and Jan were both nutcases, and Jake told awful, ludicrous stories years before Coach hit the Survivor scene.
 * Seriously, the Attack Zone challenge just can't be put into words. It has to be seen to be believed.
 * And Robb's rage afterward.
 * Shortly after the tribes move onto the same beach, Jake complains about Helen's constant dispensing of recipes, while we see her doing just that. Followed by a flawless edit to her standing in the same spot at night talking about more recipes, giving the impression that she'd been at it for all those hours in between.
 * In Episode 12, Big Ted The Teetotaler decides to temporarily stop abstaining from alcohol after he wins an awesome reward trip, so he takes a celebratory drink with Helen. Later that night, he becomes the definition of Can't Hold His Liquor.
 * This season also had the only time Probst has ever been unable to read a vote. In episode four, Clay cast a vote for Ghandia that read "Bye Bye Denver Diva".
 * When the rest of Sook Jai is distracted via goofing around near the shoreline on Day 13, Robb(who is slightly farther back in the ocean) is screaming and then collapses, submerging into the water. He got bit on the foot by a stingray, but due to Robb's loud nature, no one noticed until they noticed on land that he was bleeding.
 * Jake's Noodle Incident stories during Episode 9. We don't get to hear exactly what they are about, but we are led to believe that they are completely absurd.
 * How soon we forget Magilla The Monkey stealing everyone's food while they're away from camp.
 * Clay's ass fetish was pretty funny, even going so far to pat the elephant's ass that he was riding while he was on reward with Brian.

The Amazon

 * The sixth season, Amazon, was narrated by Rob Cesternino. Despite obviously rehearsed dialogue, many of his confessionals are hilarious.
 * "I don't like Joanna. She's always yelling about Jesus, and how Jesus loves Jaburu. I didn't know that Jesus had a vested interest in Survivor. Cause, as far as I've seen every picture of Jesus, he's a guy. And I think that he would want the guys to win."
 * "Heidi has been bitten by some insect. And it has now reached the size of one of her breasts on her knee."
 * "I really cannot wait to watch it when the girls are all taking baths. Heidi, do you need some help with, uh, your bosom? Oh sure, Jenna."
 * "Since day one, Heidi has always been my favorite. But she looks like she could really use the conditioner and, uh, maybe some of that soap. She looks a little rugged and beat-down. But, look, I'll take what I can get. She's probably a 9 1/2 in real life. And right about now she's closing in on a 6. So that kind of levels the playing field for a guy like me, which is an exciting prospect."
 * "Matt just sits and sharpens the machete for an hour at a time. Why does he need the machete so sharp? I think he's gonna kill us. I'm afraid that when he is voted off, he's gonna take the machete and kill us after the vote."
 * "I really am very happy for Matthew. I'm very happy that he got to win the car. And I asked him that if he ever goes to Asia, or if he ever returns to the planet that he came from, that he said I could borrow it and go cruising for chicks."
 * During the latter half of the same season, Butch brought about a Crowning Moment of Funny for himself, but unfortunately at everyone else's expense. During episode thirteen(Days 34-36), he became obsessed with collecting firewood, proclaiming to himself and the cameras "I'm just a wood crazy nut, I guess." He even got Rob to be his wood collecting assistent, or as Rob put it, his "Junior Deputy Firewood Bitch". Then for no reason whatsoever, Butch starts to dance the Egyptian. Later on, during the reward challenge, all of the excess firewood under the shelter somehow connected with the tribal campfire, thus burning down said shelter and everyone's personal items (except for Heidi's). When everyone came back, Butch was the obvious culprit, but no one would tell him to his face. A link can be found here.
 * Rob Cesternino tricked Matthew and Butch into thinking that they had more power than they really had (at the time anyway), and telling them that they were near the top of an all male "chain" of command. The spy music and general cluelessness of Matthew and Butch during this scene is hilarious if a little mean.
 * Unfortunately for Rob, Matthew turned into a bona fide wheeler-dealer.
 * Heidi, at Tribal Council, following a spider bite: "My strongest assets to this group are athletic ability and intelligence. And... hello... one of them is gone right now."
 * Jeff: "Which one?"
 * Any time the editing team decides to portray someone as slowly going insane from the experience, it's always hilarious. Amazon had both Butch and Matthew... the former with his insane wood-dance, the latter with his "staying alone in the jungle just sharpening the machete" tic. Good times.

Pearl Islands

 * Rupert stops to take a breather while the tribes are busy buying and bartering. The Morgans drag their raft up to where he's sitting, probably not aware he's there, and... leave the raft unguarded! Rupert sees the supplies in the Morgan raft and... snaps them up for the Drakes.
 * Really, the entire village scene was a hoot.
 * Osten Taylor. He's a buff and otherwise intelligent guy who is afraid of a pelican(nicknamed Pelican Pete by Ryan Opray), constantly threatens to quit in over the top fashion, and sold all his clothes for supplies in a village during the first day, and subsequently became sick because of it.
 * During the first challenge of Pearl Islands, the Morgan tribe inexplicably decide that taking off their clothes will help them out. As they're behind the other tribe at the time, we immediately get a shot of everyone's blurred-out rear ends labeled "Morgan behind." And the previous captions had stated "Morgan trailing" so there's no way it wasn't deliberate.
 * There was also a rather funny moment where everyone threw the challenge to let Fairplay win, thinking he really did lose his grandma. After the challenge ends you can see everyone sitting in clapping and looking sympathetic... meanwhile there's Sandra in the corner with a look on her face saying "I'm surrounded by idiots - he's so full of shit".
 * Everything relating to the infamous Grandma lie qualifies, honestly. Lillian's chiding Sandra for trying to take Fairplay out of the challenge ("His grandmother just died, Sandra."), the fact that he swore on his grandmother's grave the rest of the season, the infamous revealing itself ("My grandmother's at home watching Jerry Springer right now")... YMMV on whether it was hilarious or just low, but the fact that he made up this entire charade just because he got a kick out of it at least warrants some respect.
 * Of course, what tops it all is the story Jeff told at the reunion - immediately after the challenge, production called Fairplay's family at home to see whether they could do anything to help them after the loss of Granny Dalton... and Grandma herself, who had no idea that young Jon was even pulling this scheme, answered the phone. Could there be a more awkward phone conversation?
 * When Shawn and Jonny Fairplay are both voting for each other to leave, Shawn gives a long drawn out speech about why he's voting for Jon, while Jon merely exclaims while voting for Shawn "Fuck you".

All-Stars
"Lex: [kicking off his speech] "It's just a game..."
 * The Bogus Tribal Council in All Stars.
 * Three of Rob Mariano's alliance-mates agree that they would be better off without him and start a meeting of their own mini-alliance... in which they all just stand around waiting for someone to come up with an idea, since Rob had been doing the thinking for them all until then.
 * Richard Hatch's return, if only because it distinguished how Survivor fans saw him (the Affably Evil genius that made Survivor as we know it) and how Survivor veterans saw him (a fat naked guy). Lex in particular took all sorts of shots at Richard.
 * During the family visit challenge, Rob has to... eat farafu.
 * The DVD Commentary for the finale. Highlights include Rob and Jenna getting into a heated debate over whether or not Jenna would have beaten Rob in the Final Two (to the point that Amber cuts in and tells them to change the subject), and all four of the commentators snarking at the various jury speeches:

Commentary!Jenna: "Right."

Commentary!Rob: "He could've just said that, stopped there, and saved us all a lot of time."

[later]

Kathy: "I get it, I get it..."

Commentary!Rob: "I don't think she gets it.""

Vanuatu

 * During Vanuatu, Twila got into an argument with Eliza after she saw Eliza talking with Chris and (correctly) believed that she was plotting against her. In the middle of the argument, Twila asked Chris what his role in the discussion was, and he responded with an over the top "Whaaaaaat? I'm just layin' here, y'know, in the hammock!"
 * Later on in the final two, Chris and Twila are hanging out in the hammock... and it snaps.

Palau
""Come on!""
 * James Miller, full stop.

Guatemala

 * The feud between Jamie and Bobby Jon.
 * Ironically, they ended up bonding over a mutual dislike of Stephenie. They were openly rooting for the remaining players to deliver a Take That to her. And Gary Hogeboom delivered.
 * Judd. Just... Judd.

Panama - Exile Island

 * The challenge where everyone decided to chow down instead of doing the challenge.
 * Does that include Aras, Sally, and Terry?
 * Shane deciding to quit smoking five minutes before the show starts, then going slowly insane for an entire season.
 * During the loved ones visit, Shane gets a visit from his son Boston. Cue him dropping to his knees and bawling his eyes out. While it is genuinely heartwarming to see how much Shane loves his son, the sheer nature of Shane also makes it inadvertently hilarious.
 * The Casaya tribe. Yup, the entire tribe. Every time they appeared on screen, you knew something hilariously awkward was going to happen (this was turned Up to Eleven during the merge when straight-laced Terry Deitz from the La Mina tribe became their primary source of antagonism).

Cook Islands

 * The Final Four Tiebreaker in Cook Islands. It's too funny for words.
 * In Cook Islands, Yul gives a physics lesson during an immunity challenge.
 * "I love you."

Fiji

 * The Slip-and-Slide challenge and Sylvia trying to swim down the Slip-and-Slide.
 * Boo was practically a walking accident in Fiji. On the same day, he managed to get something in his eye which was then washed out by his tribemates. Then, he was chopping wood...and cut his hand and knee when the axe slipped. His tribemates then wrap his hand and feet out, and before he could hurt himself any further, he just laid in the hammock. And then the hammock fell while he was in it. (Video in case you wanted to see...)
 * Michelle in the calling challenge.
 * Then, during the Rites of Passage/Torchwalk, this happened again with serious music playing, including several other funny moments like Lisi faceplanting in the middle of a challenge.
 * Fiji used the "What do you think of your fellow players?" Challenge. When Jeff Probst asked who the smelliest castaway was, most of the players wrote down Dreamz... and Dreamz even wrote his own name down.
 * The downfall of the 4 horseman. Whatever you think of Dreamz. he made that episode.

China
""But there's no way this dummy grabbed the wrong one!""
 * "First person voted out of Survivor China: Chicken." "DAMN!"
 * Jaime playing a hunk of wood, after talking about how she "Isn't as dumb as she looks". No one could look that dumb Jaime.
 * James Clement, full stop. Especially with that "hunk of wood":

Micronesia - Fans Vs. Favorites

 * Eliza's reactions while watching Ozzy get blindsided in Fans vs Favorites. Also, pretty much everyone's reactions when Erik gave away his immunity to Natalie.
 * Special mention on that last one to James, who had been voted out while sitting on two individual immunities in his previous season. Upon Erik being voted out, he gleefully declares that he is officially no longer the stupidest person in the show's history.
 * "It's got a face on it, don't worry!"

Gabon
"ALL THREE OF YOU! KISS! MY!! ASSSS!!!"
 * The tribal council in Gabon, wherein Randy played a fake hidden immunity idol and got voted out. But before that, Crystal had walked up to the Confession Cam, said, "You have made my life, hell, from day, ONE. Forget you! Go home! Goodbye!" while voting for Randy... and had spoken loud enough everyone at tribal council heard her, including Randy! (see it all here)
 * And when he went to cast his jury vote?

Tocantins

 * Coach. Full stop. One the one hand he has the over-exposure of a Creator's Pet, but on the other hand the editors always seemed to go out of their way to make him seem like an idiot. The episode where he's sent to Exile Island just might be the funniest episode in Survivor history.

Samoa

 * In Samoa, Eric "got clotheslined... by the clothesline!"

Heroes vs. Villains
"Rob: From the hero to the zero? More like from the villain to the never was!"
 * Sandra burning Russell's hat at the end of Heroes and Villains and then helping him look for it afterwards to dispel suspicion. "So, where did you last see it?" Also doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome and a Karmic Ass-Kicking, considering that Russell gloated about destroying his tribe-members' belongings back in Samoa. Even Russell was self-aware enough to realize that he would have been a total hypocrite to whinge about it.
 * Danielle and Amanda get in a catfight over an immunity idol clue. What makes the scene funny is that Colby just watches it eating popcorn.
 * At the Villains camp, Rob and Sandra are discussing how to make shelter. The conversation goes like this: "Well, we could make a nice roof with those fronds on the top of that tree. However, it looks pretty windy and dangerous up there. You'd have to be psychotically over-confident to try to cli-... Hey, wait... Let's ask Coach to do it."
 * After Coach inevitably fails:

"Randy: Roll it over Rupert's toe."
 * During the Episode 2 Immunity/Reward Challenge, Randy suggests for his tribe to do the following with the heavy crates they were pushing:


 * At the reunion: runner-up Parvati is seated between Russell and Sandra. Just look at Parvati's body language whenever they argue. For example:
 * With a straight face, Russell says, "Let me tell you how good I am!" Without missing a beat, Parvati drops into a sulking stance.

Nicaragua

 * Fabio tended to be stupidly funny at times:
 * When Kelly B reveals her prosthetic leg, he says "Can you control it?" and proceeds to get a couple funny looks from people non-verbally asking "Did you seriously just say that?"
 * During a confessional, a crab walks by and pinches his toe and he calmly says "Ow".
 * Fabio doesn't get out of the water in one challenge and Probst asks what he's doing. Fabio just calmly says "I'm peeing."
 * Right before one challenge, you can spot everyone boxing up the fire so it doesn't get wet. When they come back from the challenge, predictably, the camp had burned down.
 * One reward challenge split the teams up... with Dan not even competing and just sitting at a giant throne.

Redemption Island
""Simple as wipin' yer hiney with toilet paper!""
 * The first Redemption Island tribal council, where: 1) Philip cannot pronounce (or spell) "Francesca" 2) Philip reveals absolutely everything that has gone down between him, Francesca and Kristina, and 3) Boston Rob asks Kristina to give up her immunity idol. Jeff's face at 4:12 says it all.
 * "Let that be a lesson to you: government jobs ... stressful!"
 * Russell said he plays the game with "Trust". This is coming from RUSSELL HANTZ - someone who sociopathically bullied his way through the game without regards for how others saw him, betrayed almost every single person he aligned himself with... did he even watch the seasons he competed in?
 * Ralph, upon finding the hidden immunity idol:


 * Julie hiding Philip's shorts just to screw with him.
 * Stephanie: "Your other left, Ralph!"
 * The "participate or eat" challenge offered the choice between an endurance challenge or a feast of burgers, with only Phillip and Steve choosing the latter. The "Elapsed Time" counter typically featured in these types of challenges appears as usual... accompanied by a second counter labeled "Elapsed Burgers".
 * Boston Rob on manages to snatch away a clue to the tribe's hidden immunity idol while on a trip to an active volcano without anyone looking. Since he already had the idol, he had no need for the clue, and since he didn't want anyone else finding the clue, he chucks it into the volcano during his interview with producers.

South Pacific
"Brandon: (Referring to her game play) Parvati has screwed many a man.
 * In South Pacific, the first Redemption Island Duel starts. Semhar begins by going on a rhyme... and Probst just stands there and looks at her like she's crazy.
 * In episode two, this exchange:

Coach: That's for sure."

"Ozzy: (to Cochran, referring to the duel) Everyone has a chance!
 * After getting news that Stacey insisted on calling him "Benjamin" at the Redemption Island Duel, he goes on a rant about it, insisting that he makes even his parents call him Coach.
 * Recap shows rarely have funny moments... but when Cochran mimics Keith, they even cut to footage of Keith and dubbed Cochran's voice over his own.
 * The Gilligan Cut at the beginning of a post-merge episode:

Ozzy: (confessional) [Cochran] doesn't have a chance."


 * Albert lays around the camp while Edna does laundry. Edna turns around for one minute and Albert had managed to knock down the laundry and put out the fire.

One World
"Jeff: No Jump Cut Wrong Jump Cut No Jump Cut Wrong. This is your SEVENTH TIME."
 * In the first challenge, Colton jumps down and practically planks...causing the editing team to make a funny noise.
 * During a confessional, a bug flies into Kat and interrupts her thoughts.
 * During a memory reward challenge, Troyzan and Kat must memorize six items that were placed on a shelf. Troyzan immediately shuts it without letting Kat get a good luck at it and just places random items up. This goes on seven times, during which there is a lot of Jump Cut-ing.