How to Be the Captain

''So you want to be The Captain; the Big Boss, the star of the show. It's easy! Here are the steps....''


 * 1) Get yourself a state-of-art, one-of-a-kind ship. Boat, airship, or starship—or car, or train. Or even a police public call box that's bigger on the inside.....
 * 2) Round up some True Companions. Then give them lessons in being badass. If you don't have buddies, then just get yourself a Squad.
 * 3) It helps to be a guy.
 * 4) .....But women can do this too.
 * 5) When asking questions, never expect your subordinates to answer you right away.
 * 6) Treat your crew like they're your own family.
 * 7) Be polite and courteous to others on your ship. Bonus points if you have side hobbies like poetry, classical music, and of course, Shakespeare. Double bonus if you play the violin.
 * 8) Be best friends with at least one person in your crew.
 * 9) You don't have to be a Captain to be The Captain. Sometimes a Commander will suffice.
 * 10) You absolutely MUST be a Badass.
 * 11) Every once in a while, quit being the big guy(lady) in charge. Just for a little while. Besides getting a much needed vacation, your crew will see that the new guy is nowhere near as good at the job as you are and they'll be thrilled when you come back.
 * 12) It's okay if you "bend" the rules every now and again, as long as it works.
 * 13) If you report to a boss who just happens to back you up and remains supportive of you, in spite of your antics....stay on his good side.
 * 14) Never EVER needlessly sacrifice your crew just because you can—or even to look impressive.
 * 15) Enjoy being The Captain. Just don't enjoy it too much.
 * 16) Never EVER accept a promotion. Remember, it's good to be The Captain. Keep the job as long as possible.
 * 17) Keep a diary of all your adventures.
 * 18) Special Note: If you follow all these steps, but you just can't swing the Cool Ship, then consider being a Colonel instead.
 * 19) Remember what's most important to your subordinates; when you don't do everything you can to make sure everyone gets the best food or equipment, you practically invite the Reliable Traitor or The Starscream to start acting up.
 * 20) If all else fails, have the other Captain(s) die.
 * 21) If someone on your crew suggests an idea so ridiculous it seems doomed to fail, remember it just might work.
 * 22) You gotta think fast on your feet.