Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Funny

1971 Film
"Mrs. Gloop: Don't just stand there! Do something!
 * "I am now telling the computer EXACTLY what it can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate!"
 * "Hey I don't like the look of that tunnel up there! Hey Wonka, I want off!" "ROUND the world and home again! THAT'S the sailor's way!"
 * Any of the literary references or deadpan snarking. "Help. Police. Murder."
 * "It's your husband's life for your case of Wonka bars." "How long do I have to decide?"
 * "My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate!"

Wonka: Help. Police. Murder."

""Where is fancy bred... In the heart or in the head?"
 * I like the look on Grandpa Joe's face when Wonka said that.
 * You gotta love Wonka's funny Shakespeareian quotes. The best part is, they were just added for the fun of it!
 * The lines are the following quotations:

"We are the music-makers..." it's not from Shakespeare, but it's still great.

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker" isn't by Shakespeare either, but it's really funny anyway."

"Willy Wonka: "She was a bad egg.""
 * Mr. Gloop taking a bite out of a microphone.
 * After Veruca falls down the shaft.

"Wonka: You can't get out backwards. You gotta go forwards to go back. Trust me.
 * "What is this, Wonka, some kind of funhouse?" "Why, having fun?"

Charlie: Hey, the room is getting smaller!

Mrs. Teevee: No it's not, he's getting bigger!

Veruca's dad: He's at it again.

Violet: Where's the chocolate?

Grandpa Joe: I doubt there is any chocolate.

Veruca's dad: I doubt any of us are gonna get out of here alive."

"Teacher: Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200! Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you would have used up 20% of the 1000 Wonka bars, which is 15% half over again, 10%..."
 * "Stop squawking, you twit!"
 * "I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we've learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest."
 * Pretty much everything the teacher says, really. Ahem:

"Veruca: He's absolutly bonkers.
 * "Of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know then you would be teaching me instead of me teaching you. And for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude, do I make myself clear?"
 * "The suspense is terrible! (beat) I hope it will last" always makes me giggle.
 * The look on Wonka's face when he says that helps.
 * Personally, I love this exchange.

Charlie: And that's not bad."

"Charlie: (about Veruca) Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka, Grandpa?
 * This exchange between Charlie and Grandpa Joe:

Grandpa Joe: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.'''"


 * In the audio commentary, one of the actors goes to some effort to draw attention to this Brick Joke that no one ever seems to notice (Violet calls Veruca a nit and a twit before Joe calls her a nitwit), only to completely miss the punchline.
 * "Daddy, I do not want a boat like this!"
 * The whole blending room scene prior to the Gobstoppers scene can be considered a Hurricane of Puns.
 * "What is this, a Freak-Out?"
 * "Let me in! I'm starving!"

2005 Film
"Violet's mother: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?!
 * Depp-Wonka gets at least one per every major room, and often between rooms.
 * After Violet's demise:

Veruca: You could put her in a county fair."

"Grandma Georgina: I think there's someone at the door."
 * After the Elevator ruins Charlie's house by crashing into the roof...

"Wonka: Y'know, I've got...walks into elevator door...to be more careful where I park this thing."
 * After Charlie tells Wonka to make up with his father:

"Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable, but that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned on in most societies."
 * Note, this is the second time he walks into the glass doors.

"Wonka: It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!"

"MUMBLER!"

"Mike (on TV): I don't know. I hate chocolate.
 * Mike Teevee's introduction, and Grandpa George flipping out.

George: Well, it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory then, you ungrateful little bu-"


 * Followed by Charlie's father covering his ears for some time, while George passionately goes on what we can only assume is one hell of a Cluster F-Bomb.
 * The puppet hospital.
 * And, as the impetus for that scene, director Tim Burton burning "It's a Small World" in effigy.
 * The bit where young Wonka is walking past lots of flags like he is traveling the world, but he's just in the flag room of the local museum.
 * When they reach the "Nut Sorting Room", Mr. Salt mentions that he's in the nut business as well and instinctively hands Wonka his business card. Wonka takes it and throws it away without looking at it all in a single motion while Mr. Salt obliviously continues talking.
 * Grandpa Joe tells Charlie about how he was a "much younger man" working in Wonka's candy shop 20 years earlier, when it's shown in a flashback that he looks exactly the same as he currently does.
 * Of course it wasn't that long ago.