Grand Unifying Guesses/Indiana Jones

Drinking from the Holy Grail has increased Indiana Jones's life-span considerably.
Hence, he is also President James Marshall from Air Force One, Agent Deckard from Blade Runner, and Han Solo.
 * So he was the President of the United States in contemporary times, but becomes a minor bounty hunter living in a dilapidated hulk of a building in the future. What happened?
 * Clearly, when President Marshall tried to fight whatever it was that turned the Blade Runner world into a dystopia, he got in over his head. Political coups are terrible things.
 * Side Note: "James Marshall" is a pseudonym crafted for the film for President Jack Ryan.
 * Didn't Star Wars take place quite some time ago?
 * Time is circular. There is a big crunch in the future, followed by a new big bang, reigniting everything all over again. Since Indy is immortal, he survives this.
 * Wait. So Indy is also Galactus?
 * Deckard of Blade Runner is also a minor bounty hunter living in a diapidated hunk of a building.
 * He is one of The Patriots, who were the ones who put him on office under the identity of James Marshall.
 * Meaning Raiden did not, in fact, kill him.
 * Precisely! The Indiana Jones soon to feature in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is, in fact, a clone who suffered extremely fast ageing.
 * Of course, since Han Solo lived a long time ago, clearly a Time Lord gave him a lift to the past.
 * Alternative non-retarded theory: Han Solo is a Time Lord and the Millenium Falcon is heavily modified TARDIS. He either regenerated into Indy, or travels forward in time and takes on the identity of Indiana Jones.
 * Which he later left in a warehouse, where it took the shape of a fridge and tried to find him again. It did.
 * Why would the Millennium Falcon be a heavily modified TARDIS?
 * It's smaller on the inside.
 * His TARDIS is not a Type-40 with a Shapeshifter Mode Lock Chameleon Circuit
 * Time is cyclical-- "This has all happened before, and it will all happen again". Hence, the far future is "a long time ago".
 * He become a Heroic Spirit then. Which class, and which Heaven's Feel will he be summoned in?
 * I guess that explains how he survived the nuclear bomb in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but how was he able to make the fridge he was in survive in-tact as well?

Battlestar Galactica's Cylon "skinjobs" are descended from the replicants in Blade Runner.
Renegade Replicants caused significant deaths. Eventually, public outcry led to the complete prohibition of androids. Cylons were invented to fill the void, and Replicants were completely forgotten... Until the Cylons rebelled and rediscovered Replicant technology.
 * Everyone knows that KITT, the Knight Rider car, is an early-generation Cylon prototype, which leaves only the following question: is he pre- or post-Replicants?

Much more likely, the Replicants are descended from the Cylons. They wipe out the Galactica--or they believe they have--and kinda feel sorry afterwards. Then they arrive at Earth, find out it's the fictional 21st Century, and what do they do? Make backdoor deals with the Tyrell Corporation: sell them their elite bioengineering skills in exchange for an insidious, more peaceful megacorp-driven thrust to Take Over the World. They'll figure out that Vichy Earth was not the good idea it seemed at the time on New Caprica and establish a Pinky and The Brain-style benevolent dictatorship. Harrison Ford's character is a victim of their massive Xanatos Roulette to soften public opinion towards Artificial Humans.

Every single franchise created or directed in its first installment by Steven Spielberg can be connected. Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Saving Private Ryan can too
The key to this theory is, not surprisingly, Indiana Jones, because he is... Indiana Jones.
 * Indy's old buddy Marcus Brody was the uncle of Martin Brody, the sheriff in Jaws.
 * The aliens from CE 3 K were the same as the aliens (excuse me, "interdimensional beings") in.
 * Alan Grant from the Jurassic Park franchise started to ALWAYS wear a hat after hearing a speech by Dr. Jones when he was in College.
 * Indiana Jones, it was mentioned, was a member of the armed forces and the OSS during WWII. He was the original pick to go Saving Private Ryan, but was reassigned immediately when a evil plot by the Nazis to steal a biblical artifact was uncovered.
 * Steve himself says the aliens in War of the Worlds (his and Tom Cruise's version, obviously) were from the same area as ET, or at least from as far away. But much nastier.
 * The ET race was seen briefly in Star Wars: Episode I, so if we could somehow figure out how to make ET fit in with Indy, Jaws, CE 3 K, Jurassic Park or Saving Private Ryan, we could fit George Lucas, Spielberg's best friend, into it. Get to work!
 * Got it. The misguided scientists who tried to dissect ET actually did learn something before ET was rescued, and they later got hired by the corp. creating the dinosaurs for Jurassic Park.
 * The of Indy 4 retroactivally changed all of the guns from ET into walkie-talkies because they are a peaceful, knowledge-loving race and wanted people to talk more.
 * The Indy movie that came out between Last Crusade and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was never shown. It and... the related characters were locked away by Warner Studios sometime in the late '90s and were never heard from again. Rumor has it that they are inside the WB Studio's Water Tower. If it had been made, it would've been the Indiana Jones equivalent of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?.
 * The real reason the Japanese were off the coast of California in 1941 was that Indiana Jones was guest teaching at UCLA at the time.
 * Amistad and Schindler's List are both historic events (to varying degrees of accuracy). The main difference here is that in the Spielbergverse they are not Based on a True Story or Very Loosely Based on a True Story, but happened EXACTLY as they are portrayed in the movies.
 * The Land Before Time only has an indirect connection, having been merely produced by Spielberg: several of the Jurassic Park dinos are cloned from the main characters.
 * Elliot from ET the Extraterrestrial is the son of "Mutt" Jones (who settled down briefly teaching archaeology at the University of Southern California, but rediscovered his libertine ways on a dig in Mexico). Elliot never sees ET again, but goes on to become an astronaut, and his family takes on a spacefaring tradition. His great-grandson will be the first person on Mars.
 * So Elliot is Fry's maternal grandfather?

Thousands of years later, with humanity scattered to other planets, a civil war is raging between a tyrannical pangalactic empire and an organized rebellion. A descendant of Elliot's and Mutt's is talked out of joined the imperial space fleet by a certain moisture farmer from a distant desert planet.