Mad Men/Funny

"Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides."
 * Jimmy Barret's first appearance.
 * Almost anything out of Roger Sterling's mouth is a CMOF.
 * Roger's declaration of love for Joan after his heart attack:

"Don: What do women want?
 * Also a Tear Jerker if you look at it from Joan's perspective.
 * "I hate it when that happens."
 * "You know, Don, when God closes a door, he opens a dress."
 * "My name is on the building - they can wait for me."
 * "At some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage."
 * "Oysters Rockefeller, beef Wellington, Napoleons? We leave this lunch alone for much longer, it's going to take over Europe."
 * "...Right when he got it in the door."
 * "Ever get three sheets to the wind and try that thing on?"
 * "Well, it's official. Friday, December 13, 1963. Four guys shot their own legs off."
 * "Sit down, Sissy Mary, you're pale."
 * "General who? William Morris?"
 * "I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean, I guess."
 * "I need to go learn a bunch of people's names so I can go fire them."
 * "Who the hell is that? . . . I'm kidding."
 * "Did you get cancer?"
 * "I told him it was a stupid idea, but they don't always get our inflection."
 * "Dadda."
 * "Let me put this in account terms: are you aware of the amount of hand jobs I'm going to have to give? [...] I'm gonna have to pretend I had you killed!"
 * This memorable exchange, which sums up the series' Deliberate Values Dissonance in one sentence:

Roger: Who cares?"

"Kinsey: This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper!
 * "I didn't think you had it in you. And I mean that."
 * "Believe me, somewhere in this business, this has happened before."
 * "Chicago. Small-time.... Sorry, maybe you're from there."
 * "I can't wait until that girl is another man's problem."
 * "Is it just me or is the lobby full of negroes?"
 * "I know that cooler heads shall prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?"
 * "I don't know about you but I had Lane."
 * "Hey look, it's a handsome prince! Nah, it's just Campbell."
 * "You're a mean drunk. I'm getting you a Shirley Temple, you're cut off."
 * Actually, all of his interactions with Sally are flat out hilarious for both of them. They play off each other brilliantly.
 * "My title? I'm Ken!... Cosgrove... Accounts."
 * "My name is Peggy Olson and I'd like to smoke some marijuana."
 * Everyone's respective reactions to Ann Margret singing the opening titles to "Bye Bye Birdie" and Sal's wife's reaction to watching her husband act out the Patio commercial.
 * YMMV on Kitty's reaction, as a lot of viewers found it more heartbreaking than hilarious.
 * Freddy Rumsen playing Mozart on his zipper.
 * Freddy Rumsen pissing himself and then passing out before a meeting. Or rather, Sal's reaction, which is to laugh hysterically as everybody else stares, then gradually stop and ask, in a hushed voice, "Is he dead?"
 * Kinsey on weed.

Smitty: We got it, you're educated."

"Peggy: JOOOOOHNNN.
 * Peggy and her minion's new Running Gag:

Joey: MAAAARSHAA."

"Lane: WE'RE NOT HOMOSEXUALS, WE'RE DIVORCED!"
 * They're doing the voices from comedian Stan Freberg's hit novelty song "John and Marsha" (the moaning sounds in the voices simulate orgasm even though the two names are the only words on the entire record - scandalous for its day); Freberg, by the way, was also a famous pioneer of comedic advertising, including bits that are still regarded as classics - as an interesting parallel to Don Draper, in real life Freberg won over 20 Clio awards and steadfastly refused to do tobacco commercials.
 * Bertram Cooper's paleo-conservative leanings on things like Medicare and Civil Rights.
 * "I don't get to go home until Bert and Jeff figure out a way to take food from children."
 * When Harry Crane isn't sure about, Bert kindly informs him that if he refuses, they'll have to lock him in the supply closet until Monday morning.
 * Alone and wifeless over New Year's, Don and Lane take in a movie. "You know what's going on here? Hand jobs." "Really?"

"Honda executive: [in Japanese] How does she not fall over?
 * Drunk. And the movie they're seeing? Gamera!
 * Don and Roger getting a long-winded Lee Garner off the phone: "Oh my god, there's some sort of fire!"
 * Miss Blankenship, full stop.
 * Joey on Trudy Campbell - "I would get her so pregnant".
 * After a commotion in Don's office, Peggy's head sloooooooooowly peeks over the office dividers while Don is fixing himself a drink - and then ducks back down just as Don turns towards her.
 * The Honda executive's response after his first look at Joan.

Honda executives: [all laugh]

Joan: They're not very subtle, are they?

Translator: [in English] No. They are not."

"Roger Sterling: I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you can dream of.
 * Made even better by the fact that it's not clear if he's referring to the Honda execs or Joan's breasts.
 * Peggy riding around in circles in an empty studio on a Honda motorbike.
 * Now in cheerful Gif.
 * Peggy calling Stan Rizzo on his claims about being a nudist and Peggy's inability to be anything other than Don's lap dog by shedding all her clothing, asking him to do the same, and then promptly (and constantly) checking to see how that erection of his is doing.
 * Peggy's reaction to the work Rizzo had done at the end where she said that she changed just "a little bit" while gesturing with her thumb and index finger
 * The flashback of how Don got started at Sterling Cooper:
 * Also a Brick Joke of Awesome - look at this exchange from the fourth episode of season one:

Don Draper: It's the way I got in."

""Come on! Ida was a hellcat? Cooper lost his balls? Roger's writing a book?""
 * Even better, it's implied that Don
 * Don and Peggy listening to the memoirs that Roger was recording for his new book and their reactions. Such revelations include Bert's disdain for Roger, Ms. Blankenship's sexual prowess back in the day, and an unfortunate surgery for Bert conducted by a one Dr. Lyle Evans.

"Harry: My mother made that!"
 * Three guys try to shake a vending machine in the right way to make the change (and a watch) it ate fall out, while Peggy comments "I feel like Margaret Mead."
 * Then Pete comes out into to the hallway because the commotion disturbed his phone call: "When did we get a vending machine?"
 * The SCDP staff trying to remove  from the office without their clients noticing in S4's "The Beautiful Girls".

"Don: I'd ask my secretary to do it,."
 * And later on, Don asks something of Faye.

"Betty: I don't know if I should even be talking to you on the phone.
 * Joan tells Megan to "get a man" to help. Out of all the men in the office, who does she come back with? Pete. In his only appearance in the episode.
 * When Peggy finds that  she hurries to Don's office and finds Sally sitting at his desk. Before quickly leaving she turns back to sternly tell her "Do NOT come out of there!" and Sally snaps back "I know!"
 * Don and Betty talking on the phone after FBI agents check in with her to ask whether or not Don is a secret Communist, and asks questions that throw Betty off because they remind her of . As the conversation progresses:

(Beat)

Don: (Look of Fridge Horror on his face) ...

Betty: (Catching on) ...

Don:"

"Cooper: Mr. Campbell... who cares?"
 * Trudy Campbell's maternity nighttime wear.
 * In one of the episode commentaries, Matt Weiner says that he put in the script that Trudy would still wear small nighties while pregnant, but even he was suprised by how funny it became.
 * Peggy making a presentation for Playtex with lipstick on her teeth, with Harry casually informing her about it immediately afterward.
 * Joan in the season four finale: "Whatever could be on your mind?"
 * "You there! Fetch my shoes."
 * Trudy Campbell in "The Suitcase." In the bathroom at SCDP, she tells Peggy she's followed boxing all her life. "My father loved blood sports," she explains, delicately putting on her white gloves. Then when they go out to where the menfolk are waiting, she asks if they're ready to go: "I want a rare steak and to watch those two men pound each other." Who knew?
 * In the first season, once Pete has uncovered Don's secret, he basically blackmails Don with it in exchange for a promotion; Don freaks out, even contemplating running away, before deciding to suck it up to face Bert Cooper dramatically along with Pete. Don promotes someone else, Pete instantly, and they hold their breath for Cooper's response...

"Sal (As Peter Talison): I can't control my genius! I'm not some boorish natural like that hack, Cosgrove!"
 * In the episode with the solar eclipse, Sally's class is doing the make-a-camera-obscura-out-of-a-cardboard-box thing. Chatting with Don, Carlton grumbles about how he doesn't believe this is really necessary because he stares at the sun all the time and nothing's ever happened. Don's like, "You stare at the sun all the time?"
 * When Peggy puts up a very stuffy and formal ad looking for a roommate, the Jerkass SC guys decide to prank call her about it. You try to sympathize with Peggy but the whole thing is Actually Pretty Funny and you can't help but laugh.
 * One that could only be a CMOF on this show: Pete and Trudy have his brother Bud over for lunch, and they're talking about their mother. Bud says he was on the phone with her the other day, "and you were all she talked about." Pete says, "Really?" and Bud says, "No. I'm kidding." And they both laugh about it! (While Trudy frowns and says she doesn't know what's funny about that.)
 * The Sterling Cooper production of "Death Is My Client: A Play in One Act by Paul Kinsey."

"Don: What's on this?
 * Sally and Don's french toast recipe.

Sally: Mrs. Butterworth's.

Don: Go get it. (looks at bottle) ...That's rum; read labels.

Sally: Is it bad?

Don: (takes another bite) Not really."

"Don: (In German accent) Did you enjoy the führer's birthday?
 * In season 2, Pete has to give a sperm sample to a maternity clinic - he's in the private room, trying to choose a dirty magazine to look at...cut to Roger, playing with a toy bat-and-ball in his office. Perfect cut!
 * His line about it is pretty good, too, when Joan tells him they can hear that outside: "No one knows what I'm doing. It's good for mystique."
 * This exchange between Roger and Don upon arriving at the office the morning after a Christmas party that Lee Garner Jr. had been invited to:

Roger: (Also in German accent) May he live for a thousand years!"

""I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?""
 * Any time John Slattery (Roger Sterling) does a DVD Commentary. He, Jon Hamm and Robert Morse (Bert Cooper) riffing on the season three finale has to be seen to be believed. The same goes for the team of Vincent Kartheiser and Alison Brie (Pete and Trudy Campbell).
 * The cast and crew doing their own versions of the Bye Bye Birdie opening.
 * Mom is Back
 * In the Season 5 premiere, Bert, Stan and Abe having a debate about the Vietnam War. Particularly the sailor who has to listen about his options; getting killed or coming home like Joe from Johnny Got His Gun.
 * How can you forget "Zou Bisou Bisou" as sung by Megan? To some it may be Fetish Fuel but for others, it was that kind of CMOF that comes once in a lifetime
 * Lane later to Joan about Don during the performance: "I saw his soul leave his body."
 * The whole Lane/Joan scene in the Season 5 premiere from Lane mocking Megan's performance to the baby unexpectedly farting as Lane is holding it. The whole scene was full of amusements.
 * Stan trolling Harry as he's making inappropriate comments about Megan with Megan standing right behind him.
 * Harry smoking pot at a Rolling Stones concert and getting the munchies. He buys a bag full of hamburgers and eats them all in the car while Don is watching. "There were 20 in that bag. I thought you were bringing it home for your family!"
 * The office being forced to hire a black receptionist named Dawn, who insists there hasn't been any confusion between her name and Don's.
 * Roger, king of the one-liners, calls her "Darkest before the Dawn". Ouch.
 * A drunken Peggy flirting with Roger, then shaking him down for all he's worth.
 * The office gossiping about Particularly Joan telling Lane that everyone in the office wanted to do it.
 * The whole preceding scene between Lane and  was hilarious.
 * Megan yelling "Cynthia!" at Trudy's dinner party when she finally remembered Ken's wife's name.
 * Lane fighting with his fists up in the old "Queensbury Rules" boxing stance.
 * Don and Roger's reactions to Lane and Pete fighting. Don calmly stands up and closes the blinds in the office. Roger?

"Hooker: (lies seductively on the bed) Oh honey you've had such a hard day...
 * "THERE WAS CHEWING GUM ON HIS PUBIS!"
 * The scene with Pete at a brothel and the prostitute tries out different roles to play for him pretty much tells you everything about him.

Hooker: No.

Hooker: (acting young and innocent) Um, this is my first time. I'm kind of nervous...

Pete: No.

Hooker: (on all fours on the bed) You're my king.

Pete: Okay. (begins to undress)"

"Dr. Calvet: "No matter what, one day your little girl will spread her legs and fly away."
 * Roger's acid trip, including hearing an orchestra from a beer bottle, inhaling a cigarette, and seeing Cooper's face on a dollar bill.
 * Not to mention hallucinating the entire 1919 World Series while in the bathtub.
 * Megan's French Canadian father, Dr. Calvet has this gaffe with the English language as he tells Don:

(everyone laughs)

Dr.Calvet: What? It's true.

Megan: It's wings daddy. Spread her wings."

"Roger: What I need from you is a couple of ideas for a company called Monarch Wines. The brand is 'Manichewitz'.
 * Roger's jaw-droppingly offensive selling to Ginberg why he should come up with ideas to sell a Jewish wine.

Ginsberg: You assume that I'm Jewish.

Roger: Stop talking. They make wine for Jews, and now they want to sell them to normal people. You know what I mean, people like me. I think they're open to anything and it has to be cheap (sotto voce: surprise) but impactful."

"Meredith: He said he knew you. He said it was a surprise.
 * The Bus Came Back for Paul Kinsey...as a Hare Krishna.
 * His pitching to Harry his spec Star Trek script "The Negron Complex". Even funnier is Harry's attempt to explain the script to Peggy.
 * In the same episode, Don's failed attempt to drape his coat over a lamp.
 * And Pete's utter failure to excite anyone over resigned Jaguar, especially Cooper. "They're lemons!"
 * Joan losing her temper at the receptionist Meredith for letting someone in to serve her her divorce papers:

Joan: A surprise?! Thank you for that! Here's a surprise:(throws a nearby airplane model at her desk breaking it into pieces)

SURPRISE! THERE'S AN AIRPLANE HERE TO SEE YOU!!!!

Meredith: You're not allowed to do that."